I have a difficult time accepting... well... many things.
Friend requests on Facebook from people I don't know...
Criticism.
Truths.
Compliments.
Encouragement.
Kindness.
Care.
Love.
I appreciate all these things. Even criticism, if it is constructive. And the truths, too, which could - more often than not - be classified as "hard-to-handle". Oh, okay... maybe not the first item mentioned...
Anyway, I do. Appreciate these things, I mean. But it's like I don't know how to manage them. Want to know the best part? It's pretty obvious to me that I am not exactly a "pro" at giving these things out to others.
Why is this?
... I try. I really do.
I actually think there has been improvement on the giving side of things over the past couple of years. Bible college will do that to you.
But seriously.
Why do I have to work so hard at doing so?
Do I think people are not "worthy" of these things?
Not that my love or friendship is any better or more important than those of another... but perhaps I am convinced that they wouldn't appreciate it. And thus they are not deserving. Of course, then I am not being obedient to the commands of God: '" 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "' [Mark 12:31a] And if I cannot obey the second greatest commandment, surely I am not following the first: '" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' "' [Mark 12:30]
After all, to obey is to love.
[1 John 5:3]
Is that the root of my problem?
Could it be that I simply do not love God?
At least, not enough?
But then it must be asked again... Why?
Am I unable to accept the aforementioned things from people because I cannot even accept them from the Lord God Himself? Am I unable to give these things out, namely love, because I cannot even give them - it - to Him?
If I can't even accept His love, the only love that truly matters, how can I expect to gain a greater capacity to love Him? Or truly love Him at all? I mean, despite all that I have read and heard, sung and been told, how greatly do I believe that it is true? But how could I not fully believe? For one, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am right now. I wouldn't be going to Central Christian College of the Bible... would I? Would I still be out in Utah, desiring to gain worldly things such as wealth and political power? Or would I be celebrating my third Ramadan, a slave to Islam? And secondly, not fully believing would be like slapping God in the face... why would I ever want to do that? What an image, eh? A finite sinner slapping the face of God... how absurd.
I put myself in chains of doubt and anxiety.
Why?
"It's not true."
I am loved.
I am His joy and delight.
And with that... with nine, simple words... this post is meaningless.
After all, I "know" these things.
I need to entirely embrace this knowledge, though. I need to return that love unto Him, and His beloved people, too. Be loved. Love. Be loved. And then love some more. Stop pushing Him away. Stop building walls. Seek Him and strive to be loved "more". To know Him and the perfect love that He has for me... what a beautiful mission.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 187.
Showing posts with label 1 John. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1 John. Show all posts
August 12, 2010
February 15, 2010
Ch. 652 - Reality Check
What a night...
I know I've said this before, but: I think often we get too caught up in what's going on in the 'here and now' with ME, ME, ME... so we forget about the big picture. And how it should be about GOD, GOD, GOD... and THEM, THEM, THEM.
Life is good.
Life is great.
God is good.
God is great.
Joy.
Hope.
Clarity.
Renewal.
Blessings.
God-highs... gah.
I've been on a definite God-high for about a month now.
And it's been fantastic. I've loved every minute of it.
I've done my best to not focus entirely inwards. And while I have spent time thinking and praying about other people, I feel that it's not enough. I've tried to share what God has given me. But sometimes I feel like an absolute failure. Do people know I truly care about them? Are my spoken words empty? Meaningless? Do I ask God for an awareness of the needs and feelings of others? Am I following the Holy Spirit's promptings towards my brothers and sisters? Or the promptings towards nonbelievers? Do I even want to be aware or sensitive?
Each day I pass people who put a smile on their face, while on the inside their hearts are breaking. Each day I pass people who are leading a group in laughter, but they'd rather weep or cry out in anger. We see joy, they feel bitterness. But they want to seem strong. "Okay." "Fine." Even "Good!" or "Great!" And just to ward off possible questions of greater depth, they tack on the exclamation that "God is so good, man!" But they can't really expound on why He is "so good" because they've got homework [or so they say...] and they'll have to catch you later.
Sad.
Sometimes we have no idea.
For one thing, they aren't willing to let people in.
And another, we aren't willing to chip away at their walls.
It would be done with gentleness and respect, of course.
But if we don't work at it, no progress will be made.
They'll remain shut up, surrounded by numerous defenses that sometimes they don't even mean to construct. So how do they get there? The world puts them there.
The world says this is a cold, hard place.
The world says nobody really cares.
The world says we can't get from here to there with merely an unseen God.
The world is wrong. How can we let ourselves be so greatly deceived? Oh, well... "the great deceiver", the devil, can have a stronghold on us [if we let him]. But in contrast to God, he has nothing. The power of God greatly surpasses the power of our enemy. And he is not loving, or just, or kind, or merciful... and he truly has no authority in our lives.
The world should not dictate whether we reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ's love - or, as someone being reached out to, whether we grasp their outstretched hands. We can't assume that just because someone is a fellow believer everything is fine. We all have our battles. There's nothing wrong with asking if someone would be willing to be an ally. Trust in God, yes. But trust people, too. Man is not entirely evil. I know that I have always struggled with thinking other people are heartless. I've always been very critical and hard on people. That is changing more and more each day, it seems. Some days I learn more than others, and those are the days I deem "bad" or "difficult" - yet when I sit down at the end of the day and reflect, I see God was at work throughout the day. And that makes each bad day a good day in the end.
I think we sometimes focus outwards to such a far extent that we miss the people standing right next to us. Or walking down the hall towards us between classes...
But don't take this as a challenge to simply ask people more questions the next time you see them or get a "feeling" that someone's not doing too great. Don't make someone your pet project. Don't talk to people because you feel like you have to. Talk to people because you want to. Because you genuinely care about them, and are interested in their lives. Just remember that Christ lives in them... would you give Him the cold shoulder or brush Him off like a pesky mosquito?
... I hope not.
You can't love God without loving others.
And you can't love others without loving God.
'If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.'
[1 John 4:20-21]
By the way: I apologize if this was difficult to follow. I feel like I was kind of all over the place, jumping from one thing to another. There is simply so much on my mind right now. I'm finding it difficult to think straight and organize my thoughts. So when I'm just writing down raw thought, it's just as jumbled as it is in my mind. Blech.
I know I've said this before, but: I think often we get too caught up in what's going on in the 'here and now' with ME, ME, ME... so we forget about the big picture. And how it should be about GOD, GOD, GOD... and THEM, THEM, THEM.
Life is good.
Life is great.
God is good.
God is great.
Joy.
Hope.
Clarity.
Renewal.
Blessings.
God-highs... gah.
I've been on a definite God-high for about a month now.
And it's been fantastic. I've loved every minute of it.
I've done my best to not focus entirely inwards. And while I have spent time thinking and praying about other people, I feel that it's not enough. I've tried to share what God has given me. But sometimes I feel like an absolute failure. Do people know I truly care about them? Are my spoken words empty? Meaningless? Do I ask God for an awareness of the needs and feelings of others? Am I following the Holy Spirit's promptings towards my brothers and sisters? Or the promptings towards nonbelievers? Do I even want to be aware or sensitive?
Each day I pass people who put a smile on their face, while on the inside their hearts are breaking. Each day I pass people who are leading a group in laughter, but they'd rather weep or cry out in anger. We see joy, they feel bitterness. But they want to seem strong. "Okay." "Fine." Even "Good!" or "Great!" And just to ward off possible questions of greater depth, they tack on the exclamation that "God is so good, man!" But they can't really expound on why He is "so good" because they've got homework [or so they say...] and they'll have to catch you later.
Sad.
Sometimes we have no idea.
For one thing, they aren't willing to let people in.
And another, we aren't willing to chip away at their walls.
It would be done with gentleness and respect, of course.
But if we don't work at it, no progress will be made.
They'll remain shut up, surrounded by numerous defenses that sometimes they don't even mean to construct. So how do they get there? The world puts them there.
The world says this is a cold, hard place.
The world says nobody really cares.
The world says we can't get from here to there with merely an unseen God.
The world is wrong. How can we let ourselves be so greatly deceived? Oh, well... "the great deceiver", the devil, can have a stronghold on us [if we let him]. But in contrast to God, he has nothing. The power of God greatly surpasses the power of our enemy. And he is not loving, or just, or kind, or merciful... and he truly has no authority in our lives.
The world should not dictate whether we reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ's love - or, as someone being reached out to, whether we grasp their outstretched hands. We can't assume that just because someone is a fellow believer everything is fine. We all have our battles. There's nothing wrong with asking if someone would be willing to be an ally. Trust in God, yes. But trust people, too. Man is not entirely evil. I know that I have always struggled with thinking other people are heartless. I've always been very critical and hard on people. That is changing more and more each day, it seems. Some days I learn more than others, and those are the days I deem "bad" or "difficult" - yet when I sit down at the end of the day and reflect, I see God was at work throughout the day. And that makes each bad day a good day in the end.
I think we sometimes focus outwards to such a far extent that we miss the people standing right next to us. Or walking down the hall towards us between classes...
But don't take this as a challenge to simply ask people more questions the next time you see them or get a "feeling" that someone's not doing too great. Don't make someone your pet project. Don't talk to people because you feel like you have to. Talk to people because you want to. Because you genuinely care about them, and are interested in their lives. Just remember that Christ lives in them... would you give Him the cold shoulder or brush Him off like a pesky mosquito?
... I hope not.
You can't love God without loving others.
And you can't love others without loving God.
'If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.'
[1 John 4:20-21]
By the way: I apologize if this was difficult to follow. I feel like I was kind of all over the place, jumping from one thing to another. There is simply so much on my mind right now. I'm finding it difficult to think straight and organize my thoughts. So when I'm just writing down raw thought, it's just as jumbled as it is in my mind. Blech.
November 19, 2008
Ch. 250 - Hey you! Yeah, you!
Just in case you didn't know...
'Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.'
[1 John 5:21]
'Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.'
[1 John 5:21]
October 28, 2008
Ch. 232 - Appreciation of Prayer
I'm pretty ecstatic about the fact that God answers prayer. And that through prayer great things can happen - not just for ourselves, but for others. I honestly don't know what else to say. Pray. And don't stop doing so, ever. Worship God with your prayer.
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
October 20, 2008
Ch. 224 - He Knows Us
I'm realizing all the more that the way I think, speak and act depends on the people I'm around. And I don't like that. Not one bit. I should, by now, be able to be my own person. I feel pathetic. I mean, I could go ahead and say that I'm still trying to figure out just exactly who I am... but I don't believe that we will ever fully know ourselves. The only person who truly comprehends and knows all of me is God.
And I'm glad.
I look at it as if it's a game. A puzzle, really. You have to use many small pieces to put together a large picture. You try out different pieces here and there. Sometimes the first piece you try to put into place simply fits. Other times, pieces look like they fit, but in reality they don't - so over time you make an adjustment, putting the pieces that truly fit into their rightful places. Putting a puzzle together can be really relaxing. However, putting a puzzle together can also be very frustrating.
I like to think that as I am working on my puzzle, God cheers for me when I place the pieces correctly. Especially when I see that one piece doesn't actually go in a particular spot - it's merely an impostor. A thing to fill a void.
I am so lucky to have a God that fills all empty space. To have a God who knows me inside and out. To have a God who loves me unconditionally, no matter where I am in my walk.
'The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.'
[1 John 4:8-9]
And I'm glad.
I look at it as if it's a game. A puzzle, really. You have to use many small pieces to put together a large picture. You try out different pieces here and there. Sometimes the first piece you try to put into place simply fits. Other times, pieces look like they fit, but in reality they don't - so over time you make an adjustment, putting the pieces that truly fit into their rightful places. Putting a puzzle together can be really relaxing. However, putting a puzzle together can also be very frustrating.
I like to think that as I am working on my puzzle, God cheers for me when I place the pieces correctly. Especially when I see that one piece doesn't actually go in a particular spot - it's merely an impostor. A thing to fill a void.
I am so lucky to have a God that fills all empty space. To have a God who knows me inside and out. To have a God who loves me unconditionally, no matter where I am in my walk.
'The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.'
[1 John 4:8-9]
August 12, 2008
Ch. 160 - I've Lost Count
Ahhh... the power of prayer.
God is good.
All the time.
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
God is good.
All the time.
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
July 31, 2008
Ch. 148 - God is Like Oxygen
This week's memory verse:
'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'
[1 John 4:12 ]
'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'
[1 John 4:12 ]
July 27, 2008
Ch. 144 - Author of Salvation
Our God can do anything. He can move mountains. He can conquer the grave. He can save.
People argue that Christians belittle God by saying that He is merciful and just and forgiving and gracious and loving - all these things and more - to all people, sinners and saints alike. They say that this is giving God human characteristics, and humans aren't perfect, but God is. He is almighty.
But weren't we created in His image? They believe that God is there, that He is the Creator. So if He created us, how could He have human characteristics? And I'm not saying that we, as humans, are anything like God in His powerfully omnipotent and amazingly omniscient perfection. We aren't gods, we will never be gods or even truly like God.
But because God is merciful to us, we can show mercy. Because God is just, we can be just. Because God is forgiving, we can forgive. Because God shows grace to us, we can be gracious. Because God loves us, we can love. And He has given us the perfect example of how to do and be these things in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Is it really such a complicated concept that is difficult to understand, but not for me because that's what I've been taught all my life? It just all seems so simple to me.
My heart aches for those who have never heard about Jesus, as well as those who have but have rejected Him as their Savior.
'We love because he first loved us.'
[1 John 4:19]
People argue that Christians belittle God by saying that He is merciful and just and forgiving and gracious and loving - all these things and more - to all people, sinners and saints alike. They say that this is giving God human characteristics, and humans aren't perfect, but God is. He is almighty.
But weren't we created in His image? They believe that God is there, that He is the Creator. So if He created us, how could He have human characteristics? And I'm not saying that we, as humans, are anything like God in His powerfully omnipotent and amazingly omniscient perfection. We aren't gods, we will never be gods or even truly like God.
But because God is merciful to us, we can show mercy. Because God is just, we can be just. Because God is forgiving, we can forgive. Because God shows grace to us, we can be gracious. Because God loves us, we can love. And He has given us the perfect example of how to do and be these things in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Is it really such a complicated concept that is difficult to understand, but not for me because that's what I've been taught all my life? It just all seems so simple to me.
My heart aches for those who have never heard about Jesus, as well as those who have but have rejected Him as their Savior.
'We love because he first loved us.'
[1 John 4:19]
July 17, 2008
Ch. 134 - The Thanksgiving
I worked outside in the yard for a long time today. It was a very pleasant day. A bit on the humid side - but I love warm, humid weather, so I was quite content. The sun was shining in a perfect, cerulean sky, a slight breeze blew across my face every so often... and for most of the day I had a cardinal singing to me while I worked. Truly, a beautiful day.
Now, once you've got a set task in mind and decide to start and you're up to your elbows in dirt, yard work doesn't require a lot of thinking. Just doing. So I had a lot of space for thought - and a lot of time to think. Thus, I did just that. I thought about all kinds of things. Of 'shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings'. Alright, so maybe I didn't think of said things. But I certainly could have! No, instead I thought about things along the lines of family and friends, future times and God. Surprise, surprise, eh? I must say, though, that sometimes I don't know what will come up next as I let my mind wander on random thoughts. So yes, at times my own thoughts surprise me. Or more like the way I get to thinking about something surprises me. For example, at the end of it all I'll think, 'How did I get from thinking about strawberries to my pillow, and then from my pillow to God? Honestly, Natalie.' [True thought, by the way.]
Anyway. Before I knew it, I was thinking about God. Same ol', same ol', really. How cool He is. How big and small He is. How loving He is. And before I knew it, I found myself thanking God for basically everything I could think of. And I mean everything. It was really a nice time to do so. I was living in a perfect day. In the presence of a perfect God. How could I not be thankful for, in fact, everything?
I've said before that I need to give thanks to God more often. If I am to truly worship Him every minute of every day by living my life for Him, it should take up more of my time than it presently does. I feel a mid-year resolution coming on...
'Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.'
[Ephesians 5:19-20]
......
Ch. 134, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
Now, once you've got a set task in mind and decide to start and you're up to your elbows in dirt, yard work doesn't require a lot of thinking. Just doing. So I had a lot of space for thought - and a lot of time to think. Thus, I did just that. I thought about all kinds of things. Of 'shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings'. Alright, so maybe I didn't think of said things. But I certainly could have! No, instead I thought about things along the lines of family and friends, future times and God. Surprise, surprise, eh? I must say, though, that sometimes I don't know what will come up next as I let my mind wander on random thoughts. So yes, at times my own thoughts surprise me. Or more like the way I get to thinking about something surprises me. For example, at the end of it all I'll think, 'How did I get from thinking about strawberries to my pillow, and then from my pillow to God? Honestly, Natalie.' [True thought, by the way.]
Anyway. Before I knew it, I was thinking about God. Same ol', same ol', really. How cool He is. How big and small He is. How loving He is. And before I knew it, I found myself thanking God for basically everything I could think of. And I mean everything. It was really a nice time to do so. I was living in a perfect day. In the presence of a perfect God. How could I not be thankful for, in fact, everything?
I've said before that I need to give thanks to God more often. If I am to truly worship Him every minute of every day by living my life for Him, it should take up more of my time than it presently does. I feel a mid-year resolution coming on...
'Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.'
[Ephesians 5:19-20]
......
Ch. 134, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
May 28, 2008
Ch. 84 - A Love/Hate Thing
As I was hauling myself back and forth across town yesterday between the driver license division building, social security office and my dorm, I had a lot of time to sit, think and read. And sit some more. While in the social security office I let my Bible fall open and it came to the beginning of Ecclesiastes. I started reading from the beginning. As I began chapter three, titled 'A Time for Everything', I became excited because the first eight verses of this chapter are one of my favorite groups of verses in the Bible.
So I began to read.
'There's a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:'
'... a time to be born and a time to die...'
'... a time to weep and a time to laugh...'
'... a time to search and a time to give up...'
Then I came to the eighth verse.
'... a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.'
A time to hate?
I had never taken this verse into consideration or even cared that it said there is a time to hate.
I decided to look a bit deeper into this, because for some reason it struck me pretty hard and I couldn't stop thinking about it. This is what I found, thanks to the Blue Letter Bible:
Ecclesiastes 3:8 is interconnected with Luke 14:26 -
' "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." '
Hm. Picture this. Some angsty tenth grader, whose passion and mission in life is hating the world, is being forced to read the Bible by their mom - who thinks that it will do the kid some good. Amazingly enough, they actually do it. They come to this verse in Luke. A light goes on, a grin slowly spreads across their face and they immediately go find their mom. "Mom, guess what?! Jesus told me to hate my family." Now that their self-allowance of speaking ten words a month has been reached, they go running off to do whatever it is that angsty tenth graders do these days.
The thing is, the kid didn't care about what Jesus was saying. First of all, the topic of discipleship is a big deal. To be a disciple of Christ - to follow in His footsteps - is an honor. And I don't think it's to be taken lightly. Secondly, this verse can't be taken literally. Its true meaning is actually the opposite of what it seems to say. This verse speaks of love.
You should love God so much that love for your family and self seems like hate. Only when your love for God is greater than your love for anyone or anything else can you be a true disciple of Christ.
Love God.
Transform.
Give it up.
Carry your cross.
Follow Jesus.
Be a disciple.
'If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.'
[1 John 4:15-16]
......
Ch. Eighty-Three, Part Two:
I like the fact that this post started with explaining my curiosity of what 'a time to hate' means... and ended with the focus not on hate at all, but instead on love. This is fascinating to me, because once I'm interested in something and want to learn about it, most of my time, energy and focus goes into whatever that 'something' is until I either, a) have learned all that I can or b) am satisfied with what I've learned. So this time, when I'm actually interested in hate, it turns a 180 on me and I end up learning about love. As Phil, my youth pastor in Iowa, likes to say, "It's a God thing."
So I began to read.
'There's a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:'
'... a time to be born and a time to die...'
'... a time to weep and a time to laugh...'
'... a time to search and a time to give up...'
Then I came to the eighth verse.
'... a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.'
A time to hate?
I had never taken this verse into consideration or even cared that it said there is a time to hate.
I decided to look a bit deeper into this, because for some reason it struck me pretty hard and I couldn't stop thinking about it. This is what I found, thanks to the Blue Letter Bible:
Ecclesiastes 3:8 is interconnected with Luke 14:26 -
' "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." '
Hm. Picture this. Some angsty tenth grader, whose passion and mission in life is hating the world, is being forced to read the Bible by their mom - who thinks that it will do the kid some good. Amazingly enough, they actually do it. They come to this verse in Luke. A light goes on, a grin slowly spreads across their face and they immediately go find their mom. "Mom, guess what?! Jesus told me to hate my family." Now that their self-allowance of speaking ten words a month has been reached, they go running off to do whatever it is that angsty tenth graders do these days.
The thing is, the kid didn't care about what Jesus was saying. First of all, the topic of discipleship is a big deal. To be a disciple of Christ - to follow in His footsteps - is an honor. And I don't think it's to be taken lightly. Secondly, this verse can't be taken literally. Its true meaning is actually the opposite of what it seems to say. This verse speaks of love.
You should love God so much that love for your family and self seems like hate. Only when your love for God is greater than your love for anyone or anything else can you be a true disciple of Christ.
Love God.
Transform.
Give it up.
Carry your cross.
Follow Jesus.
Be a disciple.
'If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.'
[1 John 4:15-16]
......
Ch. Eighty-Three, Part Two:
I like the fact that this post started with explaining my curiosity of what 'a time to hate' means... and ended with the focus not on hate at all, but instead on love. This is fascinating to me, because once I'm interested in something and want to learn about it, most of my time, energy and focus goes into whatever that 'something' is until I either, a) have learned all that I can or b) am satisfied with what I've learned. So this time, when I'm actually interested in hate, it turns a 180 on me and I end up learning about love. As Phil, my youth pastor in Iowa, likes to say, "It's a God thing."
April 2, 2008
Ch. 79 - Truths
I love hearing God through people. Sometimes I let those people know, sometimes I keep the knowledge for myself.
I love questions that make me think. Really think. I love questions that - even though they've made me think and think and think, and I believe I've finally come up with an answer - will never have an absolute answer. You can argue about ideas all you want and think that you've come to a resolution at the end of the day, but does it matter? Some questions you will never have the answer to. You can have a good idea, sure, but the only One who truly knows the answer is God. Better start making your list now. It's not like you have eternity to think of all the questions you want to ask, after all.
... Right.
I love hearing truths about myself through other people. It doesn't matter if I already know about them or not, or if they're 'good' truths or not. I still find it interesting to hear what other people see in or think of me, especially because it doesn't happen often.
"You're so stubborn."
Tell me about it.
I love talking about something as if it's a secret - even though it's not.
"Tell me something you don't want to tell me right now."
Now that's vulnerability.
So I told him a few things.
Last night, I wanted to scream - just to scream.
I've felt that before.
I'll feel it again.
So I assure you my promise to you will be kept.
I don't like myself.
Do I love myself? Yes.
Not as much as I'd like to, yet I do.
But I don't like myself.
I am subdued.
I miss being colorful.
Read Shakespeare's As You Like It - Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-140.
That's how I used to feel.
But God loves me as I am. He loves me where I am. So why change?
' "... the Father himself loves you... " '
[John 16:27]
I love questions that make me think. Really think. I love questions that - even though they've made me think and think and think, and I believe I've finally come up with an answer - will never have an absolute answer. You can argue about ideas all you want and think that you've come to a resolution at the end of the day, but does it matter? Some questions you will never have the answer to. You can have a good idea, sure, but the only One who truly knows the answer is God. Better start making your list now. It's not like you have eternity to think of all the questions you want to ask, after all.
... Right.
I love hearing truths about myself through other people. It doesn't matter if I already know about them or not, or if they're 'good' truths or not. I still find it interesting to hear what other people see in or think of me, especially because it doesn't happen often.
"You're so stubborn."
Tell me about it.
I love talking about something as if it's a secret - even though it's not.
"Tell me something you don't want to tell me right now."
Now that's vulnerability.
So I told him a few things.
Last night, I wanted to scream - just to scream.
I've felt that before.
I'll feel it again.
So I assure you my promise to you will be kept.
I don't like myself.
Do I love myself? Yes.
Not as much as I'd like to, yet I do.
But I don't like myself.
I am subdued.
I miss being colorful.
Read Shakespeare's As You Like It - Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-140.
That's how I used to feel.
But God loves me as I am. He loves me where I am. So why change?
' "... the Father himself loves you... " '
[John 16:27]
March 29, 2008
Ch. 74 - Raise Up
I need to stop.
Here I am, complaining every day.
When in reality I have nothing to complain about.
I have friends.
I have family.
I have God.
I am loved.
And I love.
I have education.
I have rights.
I have life.
Feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere in life.
Feeling sorry for myself makes me selfish.
Feeling sorry for myself lets me give up.
And to me, giving up in that sense is surrendering.
I don't want to surrender.
At least not for anything, or anyone, but God.
' "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." ' ... ' "You know the way to the place where I am going." '
[John 14:1,4]
Here I am, complaining every day.
When in reality I have nothing to complain about.
I have friends.
I have family.
I have God.
I am loved.
And I love.
I have education.
I have rights.
I have life.
Feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere in life.
Feeling sorry for myself makes me selfish.
Feeling sorry for myself lets me give up.
And to me, giving up in that sense is surrendering.
I don't want to surrender.
At least not for anything, or anyone, but God.
' "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." ' ... ' "You know the way to the place where I am going." '
[John 14:1,4]
March 20, 2008
Ch. 65 - Vibrant Verbs
We strive to know God's character as best we can. But sometimes it's really difficult to even begin to try to fathom who He is. Even when it seems to be laid out in front of us, plain as day, we can't seem to wrap our minds around Him as well as we'd like to.
I finished reading The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. Brilliant. I highly recommend it. In the last chapter, .010 Deeply Mysterious, Feinberg gives a list of things God does for us - according to the Bible. They're simple, two-word phrases (save one phrase). Better yet, she lists them in alphabetical order... always a good thing in my book.
God answers. Isaiah 58:9
God bestows. Proverbs 8:21
God blesses. Deuteronomy 14:29
God blots. Isaiah 43:25
God calls. 1 Thessalonians 4:7
God cares. Nahum 1:7
God cleanses. Jeremiah 33:8
God clothes. Isaiah 61:10
God corrects. Job 5:17
God counsels. Psalm 32:8
God covers. Psalm 91:4
God cuts off. John 15:1-2
God delights. Zephaniah 3:17
God delivers. Psalm 37:40
God detests. Deuteronomy 25:16
God disciplines. Proverbs 3:12
God encourages. Psalm 10:17
God fills. Job 8:21
God forgives. 1 John 1:9
God gathers. Deuteronomy 30:4
God gives. Matthew 11:28
God guards. Psalm 97:10
God guides. Psalm 73:24
God heals. Hosea 14:4
God hears. Psalm 69:33
God helps. Psalm 37:40
God holds. Psalm 73:23
God increases. Deuteronomy 7:13
God keeps. Deuteronomy 7:9
God knows. Matthew 6:8
God leads. Isaiah 42:16
God lifts. Psalm 146:8
God listens. Psalm 10:17
God loves. Psalm 37:28
God opens. Deuteronomy 28:12
God pours. Isaiah 44:3
God preserves. Psalm 41:2
God protects. Psalm 41:2
God provides. Psalm 111:5
God purifies. 1 John 1:9
God rejoices. Isaiah 62:5
God remembers. Psalm 111:5
God rescues. Psalm 91:14
God restores. Psalm 71:20
God rewards. Proverbs 19:17
God satisfies. Psalm 132:15
God saves. Isaiah 49:25
God speaks. Isaiah 30:21
God strengthens. Isaiah 40:29
God sustains. Psalm 55:22
God teaches. Isaiah 54:13
God upholds. Psalm 37:24
God watches. Genesis 28:15
God works. Romans 8:28
God wounds. Job 5:18
This list made a really big impact on me. It was yet another reminder of how big and small our God is. As I was reading these in The Organic God I was surprised at a couple: God cuts off and God wounds. I couldn't recall where these were in the Scriptures, so I was excited to see that Feinberg had included, in the back of her book, the list with where they could be found in the Bible. Context is key in a lot of cases regarding Scripture and that includes where in the Bible it says God 'cuts off' and God 'wounds.'
' "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." '
[1 John 15:1-2; emphasis my own]
'Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.'
[Job 5:18; emphasis my own]
I finished reading The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. Brilliant. I highly recommend it. In the last chapter, .010 Deeply Mysterious, Feinberg gives a list of things God does for us - according to the Bible. They're simple, two-word phrases (save one phrase). Better yet, she lists them in alphabetical order... always a good thing in my book.
God answers. Isaiah 58:9
God bestows. Proverbs 8:21
God blesses. Deuteronomy 14:29
God blots. Isaiah 43:25
God calls. 1 Thessalonians 4:7
God cares. Nahum 1:7
God cleanses. Jeremiah 33:8
God clothes. Isaiah 61:10
God corrects. Job 5:17
God counsels. Psalm 32:8
God covers. Psalm 91:4
God cuts off. John 15:1-2
God delights. Zephaniah 3:17
God delivers. Psalm 37:40
God detests. Deuteronomy 25:16
God disciplines. Proverbs 3:12
God encourages. Psalm 10:17
God fills. Job 8:21
God forgives. 1 John 1:9
God gathers. Deuteronomy 30:4
God gives. Matthew 11:28
God guards. Psalm 97:10
God guides. Psalm 73:24
God heals. Hosea 14:4
God hears. Psalm 69:33
God helps. Psalm 37:40
God holds. Psalm 73:23
God increases. Deuteronomy 7:13
God keeps. Deuteronomy 7:9
God knows. Matthew 6:8
God leads. Isaiah 42:16
God lifts. Psalm 146:8
God listens. Psalm 10:17
God loves. Psalm 37:28
God opens. Deuteronomy 28:12
God pours. Isaiah 44:3
God preserves. Psalm 41:2
God protects. Psalm 41:2
God provides. Psalm 111:5
God purifies. 1 John 1:9
God rejoices. Isaiah 62:5
God remembers. Psalm 111:5
God rescues. Psalm 91:14
God restores. Psalm 71:20
God rewards. Proverbs 19:17
God satisfies. Psalm 132:15
God saves. Isaiah 49:25
God speaks. Isaiah 30:21
God strengthens. Isaiah 40:29
God sustains. Psalm 55:22
God teaches. Isaiah 54:13
God upholds. Psalm 37:24
God watches. Genesis 28:15
God works. Romans 8:28
God wounds. Job 5:18
This list made a really big impact on me. It was yet another reminder of how big and small our God is. As I was reading these in The Organic God I was surprised at a couple: God cuts off and God wounds. I couldn't recall where these were in the Scriptures, so I was excited to see that Feinberg had included, in the back of her book, the list with where they could be found in the Bible. Context is key in a lot of cases regarding Scripture and that includes where in the Bible it says God 'cuts off' and God 'wounds.'
' "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." '
[1 John 15:1-2; emphasis my own]
'Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.'
[Job 5:18; emphasis my own]
March 16, 2008
Ch. 61 - Getting Across
Today I went to MOPC with Spencer [who played at the 11:00 service] so I could go to a Palm Sunday service. We had to go early because he had to rehearse with the rest of the group, so I was there a good hour and a half before service. I had planned on simply spending the time in the prayer room, but then Spencer reminded me that Matt would be there. I sent a couple texts Matt's way and before I knew it I was following him to the youth room; he teaches Sunday school to the senior-hi.
At one point last week we had gotten together to chat and he brought up that he had been asked by Jamie to go over things that aren't exactly talked about often in youth groups. Last week it had been death, the week before, homosexuality. This week the topic was disability and value.
Having worked with both kids and adults who have mental and physical disabilities over the past few years (including the Toronto mission trip), I thought it would be really interesting to hear what Matt would say and how the youth would respond. Well, that 'thought' sort of backfired, if you will, because as it turns out, these kids do not speak up during Sunday school. They were chatty Cathies beforehand, of course. There were a few who would bring something up now and then, but it looked as if doing so was painful, actually. It was sad. I understood that in regards to speaking about people with disabilities, some of these kids may not have had much interaction with disabled people, but when one in five Americans have a disability of some sort, that's hard to believe. Going on to value and how we, as a society, judge others based on a number of things - but especially on what they do or do not have to contribute - you would think that this would be easy to talk about in a group of high schoolers.
Nope.
Matt asked who had been touched by the idea of valuing people more than others because of money, talent, skills, looks, etc. Not one person in that room did not raise their hand. Everybody has either felt valued based on something they have or by comparison to others, or have judged and valued others based on X factor.
So why wouldn't these kids speak up?
I know it wasn't because I was there; Matt told me it's like this every week. And every week he gives this little speech on how he gets what they're talking about. He knows it inside and out. Yet when he tries to help them know it and understand it, they don't respond. Maybe they are getting something out of it, but choose not to show it. But what if what he is saying simply goes in one ear and out the other? That's how it seems, obviously.
It's not like this with every group of high schoolers. I think it was Landon who said that his group - the kids who have graduated within the past two years - would never shut up.
That's how I wish it were.
I wish that if you were in that class, you would practically not be able to get a word in. You would if you wanted to, sure - but you would have to wait your turn to do so.
After church I found myself thinking, 'This is probably an unfair analysis, but it seems like something's a bit off. If Matt has to give that 'speech' every week, and the kids continue to simply sit as stones of silence... this isn't good.'
But who am I to judge?
At least he's trying. I can't say the same of me - as much as I would like to be able to, I can't at this point in time. Oh, how I miss teaching Sunday school and working with youth... I hope I can fill that void in my life really soon.
And at least they're there. I started teaching Sunday school because I refused to go to senior-hi Sunday school. Yet looking back, whenever I was there I got something out of it. I learned. I grew.
But you know, God can do anything. Ask and you will receive. Expect great things.
'If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.'
[John 15:7]
At one point last week we had gotten together to chat and he brought up that he had been asked by Jamie to go over things that aren't exactly talked about often in youth groups. Last week it had been death, the week before, homosexuality. This week the topic was disability and value.
Having worked with both kids and adults who have mental and physical disabilities over the past few years (including the Toronto mission trip), I thought it would be really interesting to hear what Matt would say and how the youth would respond. Well, that 'thought' sort of backfired, if you will, because as it turns out, these kids do not speak up during Sunday school. They were chatty Cathies beforehand, of course. There were a few who would bring something up now and then, but it looked as if doing so was painful, actually. It was sad. I understood that in regards to speaking about people with disabilities, some of these kids may not have had much interaction with disabled people, but when one in five Americans have a disability of some sort, that's hard to believe. Going on to value and how we, as a society, judge others based on a number of things - but especially on what they do or do not have to contribute - you would think that this would be easy to talk about in a group of high schoolers.
Nope.
Matt asked who had been touched by the idea of valuing people more than others because of money, talent, skills, looks, etc. Not one person in that room did not raise their hand. Everybody has either felt valued based on something they have or by comparison to others, or have judged and valued others based on X factor.
So why wouldn't these kids speak up?
I know it wasn't because I was there; Matt told me it's like this every week. And every week he gives this little speech on how he gets what they're talking about. He knows it inside and out. Yet when he tries to help them know it and understand it, they don't respond. Maybe they are getting something out of it, but choose not to show it. But what if what he is saying simply goes in one ear and out the other? That's how it seems, obviously.
It's not like this with every group of high schoolers. I think it was Landon who said that his group - the kids who have graduated within the past two years - would never shut up.
That's how I wish it were.
I wish that if you were in that class, you would practically not be able to get a word in. You would if you wanted to, sure - but you would have to wait your turn to do so.
After church I found myself thinking, 'This is probably an unfair analysis, but it seems like something's a bit off. If Matt has to give that 'speech' every week, and the kids continue to simply sit as stones of silence... this isn't good.'
But who am I to judge?
At least he's trying. I can't say the same of me - as much as I would like to be able to, I can't at this point in time. Oh, how I miss teaching Sunday school and working with youth... I hope I can fill that void in my life really soon.
And at least they're there. I started teaching Sunday school because I refused to go to senior-hi Sunday school. Yet looking back, whenever I was there I got something out of it. I learned. I grew.
But you know, God can do anything. Ask and you will receive. Expect great things.
'If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.'
[John 15:7]
March 2, 2008
Ch. 47 - OT vs NT
Our God is good.
Our God is gracious.
Our God is righteous.
Our God is merciful.
In the Old Testament of the Bible punishment for sin is a major theme.
We see the wrath of our God.
But in the New Testament of the Bible forgiveness of sin is a major theme.
We see the love of our God.
It's just interesting to see how the nature of God does not change over time, although His mind can change.
' "I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless." '
[Isaiah 13:11]
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
Our God is gracious.
Our God is righteous.
Our God is merciful.
In the Old Testament of the Bible punishment for sin is a major theme.
We see the wrath of our God.
But in the New Testament of the Bible forgiveness of sin is a major theme.
We see the love of our God.
It's just interesting to see how the nature of God does not change over time, although His mind can change.
' "I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless." '
[Isaiah 13:11]
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
February 21, 2008
Ch. 36 - What I Found Out
I almost didn't go to the Figge's last night. I didn't know who was going to be there other than Darcy, Matt and Spencer. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know what I was going to be asked - because with David Figge, there are always questions. Always. This is not a bad thing, it's just that sometimes they're so difficult, I don't even know what to think. So I don't. Or sometimes I have no views or opinions on anything, so I remain silent. Or sometimes I do, but either a) somebody else says exactly what I want to say or what I'm thinking, or b) the conversation is dominated and I don't feel like I am able to get a word in - or that my word is 'worthy' enough of the conversation.
But I went.
There were more people there than I had hoped there would be, but that was perfectly fine.
Dinner was wonderful (Gretchen truly is a very good cook, just like she said). Then came the first question.
What is your biggest fear?
The first thing that came to mind was feeling the loss of God (then getting hit by a car in a crosswalk, because I'm ridiculous). So we start going around, stating our answers, and who else but Mr. Spencer Young, sitting right next to me, said that he was most afraid of feeling the loss of God. Great. Thanks, Spence. That was alright, though. That wouldn't have been my answer a few months ago. I don't know what I would have said - probably something like, "My biggest fear is being lonely for the rest of my life." You know, something cliché and often said.
Next came a question I should have expected - or at least could have thought about and then expected.
What is your passion? ... And it couldn't have anything to do with faith, God, Christianity, etc.
Honestly, I have never, ever thought about what my passion is. I thought it was going to be difficult to answer the question, but I realized that once I just focused and really thought about it, my answers came to mind very quickly - before David asked Jackie to give her example, even. When it was my turn, I said the first three things that had come to my mind:
Art history.
Writing.
Helping people.
I used to love art. Love art. I loved to look at it, contemplate it, create it. I could always be found drawing something or at the very least doodling on my homework, and I really enjoyed painting. Then one day I just lost interest. Sometimes though I'll spend a whole day just sketching and drawing, listening to music... maybe once every couple of months or so. My junior year in high school I took humanities with Mr. Kern. He was the toughest teacher I had during those four years, but I learned so much. Not just how to write proper MLA papers, or analyze literature, or recognize the differences between baroque and romantic styles of music. He taught me how to be passionate about something. He helped me... and all of his students... learn how to live and love life. So over the course of the year he taught me to not just love art, but appreciate it. You would think that by loving art you would automatically appreciate it, or at least appreciate it before you love it... but that wasn't the case with me. I love researching paintings, photographs, sculptures, and learning what went into those works of art. What was the artist like? How did they develop their style? What was their inspiration for it all? The sad thing is, this truly is a passion of mine - but you wouldn't guess it by talking to me or observing my lifestyle. I don't act upon it. I don't help the passion grow. It's more like a secret passion, I guess. For my enjoyment when I feel that spark and take time to follow it.
I've always enjoyed writing. Writing is, quite possibly, the one thing I pride myself on. This 'blog' writing is really nothing special. Everything I write is just raw thought. I save my writing, my real writing, you could call it, for myself. Sometimes I'll write a story and give it to someone because the main character is based off of them, or I'll share a poem with someone who I know will appreciate, relate to, or understand it. But for the most part I write simply to write. I have my spiritual journal, my stories and poems journal, this, and my everything else journal. I kept a prayer journal for a while, maybe two months starting last October. Soon I realized I didn't need to. Everyone and everything I prayed for - requests, hopes, unsaid requests (that's a chapter in itself for another day) - it was all in my heart and mind. I make those lists in my mind and I go through them daily. I add to them. I edit them (based on answers to prayer and such). Prayer is so huge for me, that I don't need a list on a page to remind me to pray, and for who or what. Could it possibly be a part of intercession?
Wow, what a tangent!
Going to my third passion, helping people. I can't describe what I feel about helping others. When I do something for someone else, I simply feel happy. Sometimes there is just nothing better than knowing you've helped someone, made a difference in their lives, made a positive impact on them. It's wonderful. I often have this longing... this deep, aching in my heart, to just go out and help people. Go out and do what, exactly, I don't know. But to just put myself out there, ready to help - ready to serve. And all for the glory of God. Help people. That's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to travel and reach out. I want to stay where I am and reach out. I want to grow by helping others grow. I want to take care of people. I want to feed them. Give them clothes. Provide shelter. I want to do it all. I know I may not be able to, but why not aim high? I can't wait to see where God puts me and what He does through me.
I don't think I had truly thought about any of that until last night. It's funny how much you can learn about yourself in such a short amount of time.
What I enjoyed most about last night, however, was the fact that God spoke to me through both Gretchen and David. I had the most wonderful talk with Gretchen - for a good two hours or so - while the rest of the group was engaged in their own conversation and discussion. I really needed that. It seems nowadays I don't carry conversations with people as much as I used to. I feel kind of distant from... everything. Everyone. I need to reconnect. Anyway, David brought up good points of taking risks while living as Christians - sort of living on the edge, but not in sin - as well as running to God. Both of these things have been on my mind a lot recently, so it was great to hear what he had to say.
I learned a lot last night. I had a lovely time with lovely people. And I got to eat food that wasn't made in the HC. Beautiful.
'But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.'
[1 John 1:7]
But I went.
There were more people there than I had hoped there would be, but that was perfectly fine.
Dinner was wonderful (Gretchen truly is a very good cook, just like she said). Then came the first question.
What is your biggest fear?
The first thing that came to mind was feeling the loss of God (then getting hit by a car in a crosswalk, because I'm ridiculous). So we start going around, stating our answers, and who else but Mr. Spencer Young, sitting right next to me, said that he was most afraid of feeling the loss of God. Great. Thanks, Spence. That was alright, though. That wouldn't have been my answer a few months ago. I don't know what I would have said - probably something like, "My biggest fear is being lonely for the rest of my life." You know, something cliché and often said.
Next came a question I should have expected - or at least could have thought about and then expected.
What is your passion? ... And it couldn't have anything to do with faith, God, Christianity, etc.
Honestly, I have never, ever thought about what my passion is. I thought it was going to be difficult to answer the question, but I realized that once I just focused and really thought about it, my answers came to mind very quickly - before David asked Jackie to give her example, even. When it was my turn, I said the first three things that had come to my mind:
Art history.
Writing.
Helping people.
I used to love art. Love art. I loved to look at it, contemplate it, create it. I could always be found drawing something or at the very least doodling on my homework, and I really enjoyed painting. Then one day I just lost interest. Sometimes though I'll spend a whole day just sketching and drawing, listening to music... maybe once every couple of months or so. My junior year in high school I took humanities with Mr. Kern. He was the toughest teacher I had during those four years, but I learned so much. Not just how to write proper MLA papers, or analyze literature, or recognize the differences between baroque and romantic styles of music. He taught me how to be passionate about something. He helped me... and all of his students... learn how to live and love life. So over the course of the year he taught me to not just love art, but appreciate it. You would think that by loving art you would automatically appreciate it, or at least appreciate it before you love it... but that wasn't the case with me. I love researching paintings, photographs, sculptures, and learning what went into those works of art. What was the artist like? How did they develop their style? What was their inspiration for it all? The sad thing is, this truly is a passion of mine - but you wouldn't guess it by talking to me or observing my lifestyle. I don't act upon it. I don't help the passion grow. It's more like a secret passion, I guess. For my enjoyment when I feel that spark and take time to follow it.
I've always enjoyed writing. Writing is, quite possibly, the one thing I pride myself on. This 'blog' writing is really nothing special. Everything I write is just raw thought. I save my writing, my real writing, you could call it, for myself. Sometimes I'll write a story and give it to someone because the main character is based off of them, or I'll share a poem with someone who I know will appreciate, relate to, or understand it. But for the most part I write simply to write. I have my spiritual journal, my stories and poems journal, this, and my everything else journal. I kept a prayer journal for a while, maybe two months starting last October. Soon I realized I didn't need to. Everyone and everything I prayed for - requests, hopes, unsaid requests (that's a chapter in itself for another day) - it was all in my heart and mind. I make those lists in my mind and I go through them daily. I add to them. I edit them (based on answers to prayer and such). Prayer is so huge for me, that I don't need a list on a page to remind me to pray, and for who or what. Could it possibly be a part of intercession?
Wow, what a tangent!
Going to my third passion, helping people. I can't describe what I feel about helping others. When I do something for someone else, I simply feel happy. Sometimes there is just nothing better than knowing you've helped someone, made a difference in their lives, made a positive impact on them. It's wonderful. I often have this longing... this deep, aching in my heart, to just go out and help people. Go out and do what, exactly, I don't know. But to just put myself out there, ready to help - ready to serve. And all for the glory of God. Help people. That's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to travel and reach out. I want to stay where I am and reach out. I want to grow by helping others grow. I want to take care of people. I want to feed them. Give them clothes. Provide shelter. I want to do it all. I know I may not be able to, but why not aim high? I can't wait to see where God puts me and what He does through me.
I don't think I had truly thought about any of that until last night. It's funny how much you can learn about yourself in such a short amount of time.
What I enjoyed most about last night, however, was the fact that God spoke to me through both Gretchen and David. I had the most wonderful talk with Gretchen - for a good two hours or so - while the rest of the group was engaged in their own conversation and discussion. I really needed that. It seems nowadays I don't carry conversations with people as much as I used to. I feel kind of distant from... everything. Everyone. I need to reconnect. Anyway, David brought up good points of taking risks while living as Christians - sort of living on the edge, but not in sin - as well as running to God. Both of these things have been on my mind a lot recently, so it was great to hear what he had to say.
I learned a lot last night. I had a lovely time with lovely people. And I got to eat food that wasn't made in the HC. Beautiful.
'But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.'
[1 John 1:7]
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