Ch. 761 - In Response...

[As aforementioned in my last post, this post came from my other blog in order to play catch-up... this was written this past Thursday.]

Today I read an excerpt from Carlo Carretto's "Summoned by Love", a sustained meditation on the prayer of Charles de Foucauld known as the 'Prayer of Abandonment to God'. I've mentioned Carretto before [see Chapter 154]. The excerpt can be found in the book, Carlo Carretto: Essential Writings, a compilation of thoughts, letters, etc. written by Carretto. Carretto was actually a member of the Little Brothers of Jesus, an order inspired by the spirituality of de Foucauld. So a lot of his writings focus on different aspects of Catholicism, which I actually know very little about. Thus, his writings are all the more interesting to me, because they explore facets of something I am both a part of and not a part of.

Anyway, I had never heard about the 'Prayer of Abandonment to God' and did some research; it goes as thus:

'Father,
I abandon myself into Your hands; do with me what You will. Whatever you may do, I thank You: I am ready for all; I accept all. Let only Your will be done in me, and in all Your creatures - I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into Your hands I commend my soul: I offer it to You with all the love of my heart, for I love You Lord, and so need to give myself, to surrender myself into Your hands, without reserve, and with boundless confidence... For You are my Father.
Amen.'

[Wow.]

I hadn't read from Carlo Carretto: Essential Writings for quite some time. But today, for whatever reason, I decided to pluck the book from its shelf in my room and bring it with me to my classes. SALT was even less interesting than usual today... so I decided to open the book to the spot where I left my bookmark and began to read. The very first sentence piqued my interest to a great degree... if you haven't already done so, I suggest that you first read my previous blog post before continuing onward.

But with that bit of a background, I give to you that which I read today:

'On the subject of the Church as community:...
It's no good sheltering in the old refrain: "It's not my concern... I can't do anything about it... it's the priest's concern, the bishop's concern, my mother's concern."

I think it's everybody's concern.

The first symptom of conversion by which we prove that we have grasped what the Church actually is, is when we stop thinking about the Church as being only the Vatican or the diocese and think of it as being each one of us.

We are the Church!
Each of us is the Church!

What power would be generated were all Christians to keep saying, and each to contribute something to the activities of the bishop by saying, "It concerns me."

Now I am making a start.
Now I am trying to make a community.
I don't want to be on my own any more.
I want to have companions on my journey.
To live my life with them.
Even if there are only a few of us,
I want to make a start.
We shall pray at home.
We shall read the Bible together.
We shall make the Eucharist what the first Christians made it.
We shall hale each other.
We shall pool as much of our property as we can.
We shall live by the gospel.

And I think that the acutely worrying problem of priestly vocations would soon be solved in a community of this sort.

A community of prayer.
A community-Church in which the faith is sincerely lived automatically becomes a seminary. Where the Word is proclaimed, the Spirit comes, and the task of the Spirit is to make a Church and distribute its graces within it.'

Oh, how my Lord God works in wonderful ways.


'Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.'
[Colossians 3:15-16]

Ch. 237 - Taking the Time, Revisited

Alright. So. I have not spent time to sit down and blog recently (for one week, to be precise). The last time this happened was only about two months ago. I didn't think it would happen again, but that is obviously not the case. I don't have any reasons for this happening. And I'm not going to make excuses... but I do think it's basically just laziness and going to bed later than I should be, thus not wanting to spend time writing. Just like last time, I am not going to try and catch up for each day missed. I'm simply going to pick up from right here, right now, and move on.

Diving straight in, things are going really well. I've actually been kind of down for the past couple weeks - but spiritually, things are on the incline. I've felt closer to God in the past four days or so than I have in quite some time. I don't really know what I'm doing differently. Praying and interceding more? Trying to listen to God better? Opening my Bible more (... and not just for class)? I think part of it is that I truly am slowing down. I'm still learning patience. I'm searching for joy every day. I'm taking in the beauty of all things and people. I'm learning so much, both in class and out of class. And I believe I am finally putting my words to action in focusing on God. I always say that I think I am, or that I am going to, but do I?

......

Let's just say that I am glad my God loves me no matter what.
And that I'm always glad to see how incredibly mighty my God is.
And that I'm always glad to see how very well God knows what is best.


This week's memory verse:

'So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;'
[Colossians 3:12, NASB]

Ch. 230 - Different but United

Today I went to another Christian church [Rocky Fork Fellowship]. One of my friends' dad is the pastor there. It's always interesting to see how things are done at each church. This particular congregation actually meets in the cafeteria of an elementary school, that was pretty different. But it doesn't matter where you worship, so long as you are truly giving God the praise He deserves.

I was going to continue on with the differences among churches and such, but I'm really tired. I've already had a long day and it's not even 5:00. Man oh man. Perhaps I'll pick up where I left off in a day or two... or three or four...

'Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all... Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.'
[Colossians 3:11,15]

Ch. 225 - Working At It

I'm really getting back into prayer. I was good about it up to about the end of September, when one day I just sort of stopped caring. Terrible.

But since I've truly devoted myself to spending more time with God, praying to and talking with Him, things have been so much better for me. I am so blessed.


'Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.'
[Colossians 4:2]

Ch. 190 - Created For a Reason

Sometimes it's really difficult for me to see myself as God's creation. Personally, I have no problem looking around me and knowing that God created all that I see - in regards to both the world and people. But when I look at myself, I just can't always believe that I am a child of God. Those typical questions run through my mind: 'Why would God want anything to do with me? How can God love me? What would God want to use me for?'

God knows me better than I do; He knows who I will become. I mean, people change. We are not consistent beings. Minds change. Hearts change. We can't evaluate ourselves once or twice and simply be done forever. Day-to-day evaluation or reflection is neat because it gives us a better sense of ourselves and how God is working in us. And I can't always be asking myself those questions mentioned above, because I don't want to bring myself down. I simply need to remind myself that yes, God created me. Yes, God loves me. Yes, God has a plan for me.


'For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rules or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]

Ch. 187 - Appear in Glory

'... For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:3-4]

12. August 2010 Edit:

Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold on a second. 'When Christ, who is your life...' Christ is my life? What a flooring thought. He is not only in my life... He is my life. ... Right? I don't know that I can confidently say that this is true. He should be. I mean, how many times have I said or thought or sang that He is my Everything? And that I give MY everything to Him? If we have truly died and been born into the death of Christ, it should be an ongoing, apparent process... we should be different. Changed. Christ should truly be at the center of our lives. He died for us, the least we could do is live for Him.

Christ is your life.
Make it true.
Make it real.

Ch. 132 - Verification Verse Three

'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.'
[Colossians 3:23-24]

17. May 2010 Edit:

I personally don't think much - if anything - needs to be said regarding these verses... but I'll go ahead and give my two cents anyway. First of all, would anything we do ["Whatever you do"] be considered a service to God? Could we truly consider every task, every act of each day something from which glory to God can be given, and/or for the furthering of His kingdom? Sometimes I wonder... But we never know how something we do - or say! - will affect anything or anyone in this world. So we truly should strive to do all things as though we are doing them for God.

Ch. 58 - Random, R-r-random

Alright. Now that I'm over myself and the pity party has ended, life continues.

Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.

STAB stands for this:

Success
Tired
Alone
Bored

When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.

After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.

I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.

I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.

Why?

Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.

I bet you didn't see that one coming.

I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.

This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.

I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.

God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.


'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]

......

Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:

I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.

Ch. 26 - How Could I?

Yesterday I was talking with a couple friends while hanging out and small talk about this upcoming summer occurred - you know, if we were going to stay, what we would be doing, where we would be staying, etc. I, of course, brought up the fact that if I was accepted to summer project I wouldn't be here most of the summer; but if I wasn't accepted I'd be here [unless I decide to transfer, after all]. My goodness, that's all I talk about these days - summer project and transferring.

Anyway, a friend asked if the summer project is what I had told her about earlier, and I said yes. She said, "You really want to go, don't you?" I replied, "More than anything." She just said, "Yeah," and I then continued, "I feel such a desire in my heart to go - but also that it's what God wants me to do... honestly, I'm afraid that if I'm not accepted that I'll lose a lot of faith in God."

Immediately after I said that I thought to myself, 'Did I really just say that?'

I felt horrid. I still do. It was just one of those things that I didn't think about at all - it simply spilled out. I usually think about what I'm going to say before I say it - but this has happened a few times before, where I don't realize what I've said until after I've said it... but when reflecting upon it I realize I truly meant it.

Do I truly mean it this time? Do I believe that I'd lose faith in God just because of a summer project rejection?

It means so much to me. And I'm putting my trust in God that this is what He wants me doing [this summer]. I could be doing anything else. I could go on a roadtrip like I've been wanting to. I could go to Cornerstone and Sonshine. I could wait around in Iowa for a few weeks to simply wait for my sister to have her baby. I could sit at home all summer, working on nothing but my tan... or, of course, working at The Arc's Summer Day Program again (which I do admit I will miss dearly). I could assure my grandparents that I'd be at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. But I asked for Him to show me a way to serve Him, and He led me to summer project through speakers at Cru, one of my small groups' leaders, and beautiful stories of witnessing from last summer's projects. I want it. And I want to believe that He wants it for me...

......

My God, why am I doubting you?
Am I making this out to be a much bigger deal than it truly is?
A drama queen, always.
I have, after all, been thinking about how much I miss the stage.
But I don't know what's wrong with me.
This isn't right.
Something is simply... off.
Hear me, Father.
I need You.
I come to you on my knees, a willing servant.
Guide me in my decisions, in all I say and do.
My heart longs to give you glory and praise.
It's all for You, God.
Help me put others before myself.
Let me be last.
I love You, God, and thank You for all You've blessed me with.
Let me live today in Your name, using this day to worship You.
I pray these things in Your Son's most precious and holy name.
Amen.


'And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.'
[Colossians 1:10-12]