Spirit.
Holy Ghost.
Comforter.
Counselor.
Helper.
Wind of God.
Fire of God.
Oil of God.
Rain of God.
Holy Spirit.
Whatever you want to call Him, He is greatly debated and discussed - probably just as much so as Jesus or God in general... and if not more so than the other Two within the Christian community.
My views of the Holy Spirit have changed over time, especially within the last two years. I went from not even realizing He was GOD to thinking He was just a come-and-go type of presence, and then from thinking He was only for those "super-Christians" to believing and knowing that He is very real and very available to those who confess Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
It is my fear that most Christians simply live their lives 'knowing' about the Holy Spirit, and not living by the Holy Spirit, fully believing in Him and what He can do. This is such a shame... I think a relationship with God includes fellowship with Christ and guidance by the Spirit. We need to realize how greatly we have the ability to rely on and trust in the Spirit. It is my belief that God works through us by the power of the Holy Spirit within us.
What a lot of people tend to focus on are the following two aspects of the Spirit: fruit and gifts.
Now, the fruit of the Spirit are as follows [according to Galatians 5:22-23]:
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-control.
And gifts of the Spirit [according to 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12] include:
Wisdom.
Knowledge.
Faith.
Healing.
Miracles.
Prophecy.
Discernment.
Tongues/Interpretation of tongues.
Administration.
Service.
Teaching.
Exhortation.
Giving.
Mercy.
I personally believe that all these gifts are continually given to believers today and that they can all be used to edify the body of Christ and glorify God, as well as build up His Kingdom. I have experienced each of the mentioned gifts in one way or another - recognizing that they had to have been given to people as a gift from God. Unfortunately, I should say that I have also experienced some of these things in both positive and negative experiences. It saddens me to say that there are people who think they have an understanding of these things, but do not. And so they may attempt to forcibly use them in an improper manner, thinking they have the gift but in reality do not; or they may, indeed, have the gift but then misuse/abuse it. So it is important to have as great a biblical understanding of the things of the Spirit as possible... and then be able to pray about and have discernment of such things.
I think that everyone should attempt to know whether they have been given gifts of the Spirit [for the Bible states that not everyone will be given something], as well as work towards developing fruit of the Spirit. Easier said than done, at times... but well worth the time and effort when you consider what's been done for us in order that we may have the Spirit and His fruit at all... And when you consider how these fruits can affect other people, especially those who do not yet have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Showing posts with label Guidance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guidance. Show all posts
March 20, 2011
January 1, 2011
Ch. 766 - The List: Islam
Oh, how my heart aches.
I see a sister walking down a path that I once traveled.
I see a sister turning away from the Christ whom she so lovingly showed me.
I see a sister making a mistake - even though I know I do not know the story.
I see confusion.
I see desperation.
I see misguidance.
I see a lost girl.
I know.
I feel.
I remember.
I remember what it was like to be lost.
To be going down a path that seems to simply be... "right".
The worst part? Sometimes I feel fingers, reaching from the false light, tugging at me. How strong and relentless they can be. More than once have I believed that my heart and mind were going to be ripped into pieces.
And so I fear for this lost girl that I see.
... Yet all I can do is pray.
Pray that she continues to seek for truth... for the Truth.
Pray that she is influenced by someone as I was influenced by her.
Pray that she turns around and runs back to Him who holds her in His hands.
And pray that she comes to fully understand the meaning of John 14:6.
... Just as I did on that beautiful spring morning two and a half years ago.
Oh, how my heart aches.
But there is a peace that washes over me as I remember that HE is so much bigger than any of us. My soul is calmed as my spirit is stirred.
......
I just realized that this post has something to do with the first item of that "list" I created in Ch. 765. Thus, the title change from "One return. One departure." to "The List: Islam". I had said I would likely be posting reflections on each thing that I listed. I didn't know what those reflections would look like or how/when they would begin. ... But obviously, it just sort of... happened, eh? So alright, then. Here we go.
I see a sister walking down a path that I once traveled.
I see a sister turning away from the Christ whom she so lovingly showed me.
I see a sister making a mistake - even though I know I do not know the story.
I see confusion.
I see desperation.
I see misguidance.
I see a lost girl.
I know.
I feel.
I remember.
I remember what it was like to be lost.
To be going down a path that seems to simply be... "right".
The worst part? Sometimes I feel fingers, reaching from the false light, tugging at me. How strong and relentless they can be. More than once have I believed that my heart and mind were going to be ripped into pieces.
And so I fear for this lost girl that I see.
... Yet all I can do is pray.
Pray that she continues to seek for truth... for the Truth.
Pray that she is influenced by someone as I was influenced by her.
Pray that she turns around and runs back to Him who holds her in His hands.
And pray that she comes to fully understand the meaning of John 14:6.
... Just as I did on that beautiful spring morning two and a half years ago.
Oh, how my heart aches.
But there is a peace that washes over me as I remember that HE is so much bigger than any of us. My soul is calmed as my spirit is stirred.
......
I just realized that this post has something to do with the first item of that "list" I created in Ch. 765. Thus, the title change from "One return. One departure." to "The List: Islam". I had said I would likely be posting reflections on each thing that I listed. I didn't know what those reflections would look like or how/when they would begin. ... But obviously, it just sort of... happened, eh? So alright, then. Here we go.
August 11, 2010
Ch. 722 - Footsteps
I desire to follow in His footsteps.
'I will follow the Lamb.'
[My Confession by Misty Edwards]
... What an odd-sounding statement.
Aren't lambs supposed to follow?
He is the Shepherd and and the Lamb.
[Regardless...]
His path is narrow.
Uneven.
Rocky.
Sandy.
But it is well-traveled.
And we have a beautiful Guide to call out to if we stray off the path and need help.
He is the Navigator.
The Compass.
The Light.
The Retriever.
He is Power.
Strength.
Boldness.
He is a risk-taker, even.
I can rest in Him. Take heart and courage... find peace. Yet He also comes to rest in me - His garden. I am His lovely dwelling place. And like any garden gives me joy, I give Him joy and delight.
'The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" '
[John 1:29]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 178.
'I will follow the Lamb.'
[My Confession by Misty Edwards]
... What an odd-sounding statement.
Aren't lambs supposed to follow?
He is the Shepherd and and the Lamb.
[Regardless...]
His path is narrow.
Uneven.
Rocky.
Sandy.
But it is well-traveled.
And we have a beautiful Guide to call out to if we stray off the path and need help.
He is the Navigator.
The Compass.
The Light.
The Retriever.
He is Power.
Strength.
Boldness.
He is a risk-taker, even.
I can rest in Him. Take heart and courage... find peace. Yet He also comes to rest in me - His garden. I am His lovely dwelling place. And like any garden gives me joy, I give Him joy and delight.
'The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" '
[John 1:29]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 178.
August 7, 2010
Ch. 720 - Thoughts, Pt. Four
The other day I was at a store. I was walking down an aisle. The aisle was neither terribly wide nor narrow. I mean, there were people on either side of me and still a bit of room to spare on the outside edges. Walking towards me were a man and a young girl, presumably his daughter. They were holding hands. Right before they passed us, the man raised his hand that was holding the girl's hand, and used her arm to direct her where to go, walking directly behind her. As the two passed, I looked over my shoulder. The man had momentarily let go of the girl's hand, and then as they turned down another aisle, took it again. This made me think of guidance we sometimes receive from God. He walks beside us. With us. But sometimes the path becomes crowded. Narrow. Dark. Difficult to traverse. And I believe that God wants us to learn how to navigate these paths on our own, at times. I mean, I don't think we should always expect God go to ahead of us, clearing a path and shining a bright light. Sometimes we need to move forward on our own. Of course, He will continue to be with us, but one step behind... so that we can learn. Be guided. Trust. In Him, of course... not ourselves. To build up a reliance upon Him, knowing that He will steer us in the correct or desired direction. And just for a moment, He may let go... but we need not fear or worry. He is always with us.
April 13, 2010
Ch. 685 - Picturesque
I spent some time at a park today. I was simply enjoying the beautiful weather and catching up on some reading for a class. At one point I heard a vehicle pull into the parking lot. I kept reading, but the sound of laughter soon filled the small park and I looked up to see a woman and two children. The woman was carrying a blanket and a small cooler. She and one of the children, a girl about four of five years old, spread out the blanket in the shade of a large tree. The other child, a boy about two years old, walked away from them and explored the playground area. He started to run towards a small, open field, looking over his shoulder now and then to the woman, whom I was watching. I noticed that even though she was talking with the girl and starting to take food and drinks out of the cooler, she periodically glanced over to the field where the boy was now running in constant circles. But suddenly he stopped, and without having to be chased down or called over, he dawdled over to the blanket where the woman and girl were sitting. The woman opened her arms and he ran the rest of the way, nestling - forcefully, I might add, as a result of the momentum - into her arms. And as they began to eat their picnic lunch, I resumed my reading with a smile on my face.
I was really thankful to have witnessed this casual occurrence.
I mean, it was simply a picnic in the park.
But I felt like God was reminding that even though I go "off on my own" now and then, or even run away from where I seemingly should be, I cannot truly run away from God. He is ever-watchful. There is no hiding from Him. And because He certainly does have a hand on my life, I will always return to Him eventually.
Because He provides for me.
Because He protects me.
Because He encourages me.
Because He guides me.
Because He loves me.
He welcomes me with open arms.
'But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...'
[Psalm 33:18]
I was really thankful to have witnessed this casual occurrence.
I mean, it was simply a picnic in the park.
But I felt like God was reminding that even though I go "off on my own" now and then, or even run away from where I seemingly should be, I cannot truly run away from God. He is ever-watchful. There is no hiding from Him. And because He certainly does have a hand on my life, I will always return to Him eventually.
Because He provides for me.
Because He protects me.
Because He encourages me.
Because He guides me.
Because He loves me.
He welcomes me with open arms.
'But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...'
[Psalm 33:18]
February 18, 2010
Ch. 655 - Vessels
God and man.
Potter and clay.
I like this.
A lot.
Overused?
Not to me.
We truly are like clay.
The transformation of clay into pots is involved.
The clay needs to be refined.
The removal of impurities takes time.
Water gives life to clay. Makes it pliable.
A solid base is given to each pot. Stability to build upon.
The clay is molded by hands into the form the potter desires.
No pot is the same, even though they all come from the ground.
If the pot is not coming along the way the potter imagined, the potter will break it down and start anew. There is no hurry. Even though no pot turns out to be perfect, each is perfect in the eyes of the potter.
Each pot is unique.
Traits.
Character.
But they are made to be used.
Filled.
Poured out.
Filled.
Poured out.
Be thankful that you do not sit on a shelf as a dry, decorated vessel.
For what good is a pot that remains empty and still all of its days?
' "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." '
[Jeremiah 18:6]
Potter and clay.
I like this.
A lot.
Overused?
Not to me.
We truly are like clay.
The transformation of clay into pots is involved.
The clay needs to be refined.
The removal of impurities takes time.
Water gives life to clay. Makes it pliable.
A solid base is given to each pot. Stability to build upon.
The clay is molded by hands into the form the potter desires.
No pot is the same, even though they all come from the ground.
If the pot is not coming along the way the potter imagined, the potter will break it down and start anew. There is no hurry. Even though no pot turns out to be perfect, each is perfect in the eyes of the potter.
Each pot is unique.
Traits.
Character.
But they are made to be used.
Filled.
Poured out.
Filled.
Poured out.
Be thankful that you do not sit on a shelf as a dry, decorated vessel.
For what good is a pot that remains empty and still all of its days?
' "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." '
[Jeremiah 18:6]
February 13, 2010
Ch. 650 - Choices, choices...
Alright. I'm done. The assignment devotionals helped in catching up, but that's all I'm going to use them for, I think. Most excellent.
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
October 13, 2008
Ch. 217 - A Thorough How-To
Sometimes I just wish that there was a step-by-step guide... manual... map... to my life. I could see where I'm supposed to be going, who I'm supposed to be interacting with, what I'm supposed to think, say and do. I could see how to live my entire life. Wouldn't that be grand?
I have no clue what I'm going to do. I go back and forth, back and forth between options. I can't just not have a plan anymore. I need a goal. An objective. A dream or two, at the very least - and I do. I even spoke of said dreams in a previous post. But I feel like that's not good enough.
And I want more than a gentle nudge in one direction or a faint whisper in my ear. God obviously doesn't understand that I don't operate that way. Oh, wait... He's the one who created me. Oops. I guess He does... hmph. You fooled me, God, that's for sure.
I'm still learning patience. Every time I think I've got it under my belt, I am proven wrong. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If patience is such a virtue (a 'particular moral excellence'), as the saying goes, I suppose there's no way that we can ever have it down pat after a year or two. That would be too easy.
But God knows what He's doing. And that is a comforting thought.
'May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.'
[2 Thessalonians 3:5]
I have no clue what I'm going to do. I go back and forth, back and forth between options. I can't just not have a plan anymore. I need a goal. An objective. A dream or two, at the very least - and I do. I even spoke of said dreams in a previous post. But I feel like that's not good enough.
And I want more than a gentle nudge in one direction or a faint whisper in my ear. God obviously doesn't understand that I don't operate that way. Oh, wait... He's the one who created me. Oops. I guess He does... hmph. You fooled me, God, that's for sure.
I'm still learning patience. Every time I think I've got it under my belt, I am proven wrong. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If patience is such a virtue (a 'particular moral excellence'), as the saying goes, I suppose there's no way that we can ever have it down pat after a year or two. That would be too easy.
But God knows what He's doing. And that is a comforting thought.
'May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.'
[2 Thessalonians 3:5]
October 1, 2008
Ch. 205 - Living With Joy
I needed today to be a good day.
And it was.
God was with me today.
Don't bother saying or thinking, 'He always is!'
I know.
I know, I know, I know.
But I'm going to say it again:
God was with me today.
I'm slowing down.
I'm finding the joy.
I'm seeking HIM.
I'm living peacefully.
It's about time.
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.'
[Psalm 4:6-8]
And it was.
God was with me today.
Don't bother saying or thinking, 'He always is!'
I know.
I know, I know, I know.
But I'm going to say it again:
God was with me today.
I'm slowing down.
I'm finding the joy.
I'm seeking HIM.
I'm living peacefully.
It's about time.
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.'
[Psalm 4:6-8]
September 13, 2008
Ch. 186 - Leaning on God
I can't keep missing people and experiences. I mean, it's alright to do so, I suppose. But when it's getting in the way of my walk with Christ, it's definitely not alright. Things simply aren't the same here as they were in Salt Lake, so I can't expect to grow in the ways I did when I was at the University of Utah. I just can't.
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
September 1, 2008
Ch. 180 - All of Him
God is everything to me.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
July 16, 2008
Ch. 133 - Lighthouse on the Coast
Lately I've been thinking about what will happen once I graduate. For what organization, company, etc. I'll work for. Where I'll go. What I'll do. Who I'll meet. And for awhile there I really started to worry. I've said it before: I like to plan things out. So technically, I'm stepping out on a limb here with transferring and going into missions, because I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not the one in charge.
I know I'm going to be sailing some pretty rough seas in the future. I'm sure the trip will be dotted with storms and flooded with bouts of darkness. And I can't overcome these hazards without God as my light and guide.
'For the Lord God is our light and our protector. He gives us grace and glory. No good thing will the Lord withhold from those who do what is right. O Lord Almighty, happy are those who trust in you.'
[Psalm 84:11-12, NLT]
I know I'm going to be sailing some pretty rough seas in the future. I'm sure the trip will be dotted with storms and flooded with bouts of darkness. And I can't overcome these hazards without God as my light and guide.
'For the Lord God is our light and our protector. He gives us grace and glory. No good thing will the Lord withhold from those who do what is right. O Lord Almighty, happy are those who trust in you.'
[Psalm 84:11-12, NLT]
March 17, 2008
Ch. 62 - Drive Out Fear
I realized something today.
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
March 14, 2008
Ch. 58 - Random, R-r-random
Alright. Now that I'm over myself and the pity party has ended, life continues.
Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.
STAB stands for this:
Success
Tired
Alone
Bored
When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.
After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.
I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.
I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.
Why?
Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.
I bet you didn't see that one coming.
I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.
This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.
I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.
'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]
......
Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:
I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.
Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.
STAB stands for this:
Success
Tired
Alone
Bored
When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.
After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.
I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.
I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.
Why?
Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.
I bet you didn't see that one coming.
I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.
This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.
I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.
'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]
......
Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:
I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.
January 31, 2008
Ch. 15 - Home
I'm home.
My heart is here. It's with the people I've met and have become friends with. It's with Cru. It's with The Mount. It's with my small groups and leaders. I've put in quite a bit of time, effort, and love into all I've done. I'm establishing connections and have already started to grow roots here and there.
I'm staying.
Until God entirely tells me differently, Salt Lake City will have to put up with me.
I need to mature a bit before I go off on another adventure. I can't just pick up my things, move back halfway across the country, and start a new life all over again.
I want to grow in my faith more before I see whether a 'religious vocation' is what God wants of me. It's what I want, yes. But God? That's quite iffy, I've decided. Even if it is, I'd rather go into it all more prepared than I would be if I were to start next year.
I praise God for teaching me patience and decisiveness.
'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.'
[Romans 12:12]
My heart is here. It's with the people I've met and have become friends with. It's with Cru. It's with The Mount. It's with my small groups and leaders. I've put in quite a bit of time, effort, and love into all I've done. I'm establishing connections and have already started to grow roots here and there.
I'm staying.
Until God entirely tells me differently, Salt Lake City will have to put up with me.
I need to mature a bit before I go off on another adventure. I can't just pick up my things, move back halfway across the country, and start a new life all over again.
I want to grow in my faith more before I see whether a 'religious vocation' is what God wants of me. It's what I want, yes. But God? That's quite iffy, I've decided. Even if it is, I'd rather go into it all more prepared than I would be if I were to start next year.
I praise God for teaching me patience and decisiveness.
'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.'
[Romans 12:12]
January 23, 2008
Ch. 7 - M² + Transfer = Adventure
On a continuation of the last chapter, I'd like to delve a bit deeper into the fact that I will not be attending the University of Utah next year. As aforementioned, I have felt called by God to serve Him. How?
Ministry and Missions.
More specifically, youth ministry and world missions.
I have done much research lately in regards to transferring, looking into schools with youth ministry programs, deep Biblical study programs, Hebrew courses, and mission/evangelism programs. I've narrowed it down to three schools.
Want to know something funny?
They're all in the Midwest.
How ironic is it that after I so greatly wanted to leave that region of the country, God is now leading me back to it?
The schools I'm going to apply to are as follows: Oak Hills Christian College - Bemidji, Minnesota; Moody Bible Institute - Chicago, Illinois; and Central Christian College of the Bible - Moberly, Missouri. Moody is four hours east of Cedar Rapids, Central is four hours south of Cedar Rapids, while Oak Hills is eight and a half hours north of Cedar Rapids. I'm not going to lie, I'd really like to be close to my family. Being so far away from them has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I actually wasn't even thinking about how close the schools are to Cedar Rapids when I was looking into them - but it's certainly a nice factor.
Each school has something different to offer and they all have their pros and cons. I'm continuing to pray that God will guide my steps as I apply to the schools and, depending on acceptance, decide which is the best for me.
(Between you and me, though, I have this 'feeling' about Central... but we'll see.)
'The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.'
[Isaiah 58:11]
Ministry and Missions.
More specifically, youth ministry and world missions.
I have done much research lately in regards to transferring, looking into schools with youth ministry programs, deep Biblical study programs, Hebrew courses, and mission/evangelism programs. I've narrowed it down to three schools.
Want to know something funny?
They're all in the Midwest.
How ironic is it that after I so greatly wanted to leave that region of the country, God is now leading me back to it?
The schools I'm going to apply to are as follows: Oak Hills Christian College - Bemidji, Minnesota; Moody Bible Institute - Chicago, Illinois; and Central Christian College of the Bible - Moberly, Missouri. Moody is four hours east of Cedar Rapids, Central is four hours south of Cedar Rapids, while Oak Hills is eight and a half hours north of Cedar Rapids. I'm not going to lie, I'd really like to be close to my family. Being so far away from them has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I actually wasn't even thinking about how close the schools are to Cedar Rapids when I was looking into them - but it's certainly a nice factor.
Each school has something different to offer and they all have their pros and cons. I'm continuing to pray that God will guide my steps as I apply to the schools and, depending on acceptance, decide which is the best for me.
(Between you and me, though, I have this 'feeling' about Central... but we'll see.)
'The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.'
[Isaiah 58:11]
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