Praise is due my Lord God for what He is doing in my life - and your life, as well, I am sure... whether you realize He is working or not.
Let's just say that my God is loving. And faithful. And compassionate.
I feel so secure in knowing that He holds me in His hands. I am so glad that my identity is found in Jesus Christ. I may not fully understand what that means or what that looks like, but I understand to a great enough extent to realize how truly blessed I am.
You know, I've never been fully comfortable with... me. I don't know how often I have believed that I truly like myself. I think this is why I've always enjoyed being able to go up on stage for various performances and such... I get to be someone else. A character. An entirely different person. Someone who knows who they are. No deviants. They do not waver. They are strong. They always know what to say. Character interactions are flawless. And no matter what, things go as they are supposed to. The story in which the character "lives" flows just oh so nicely. But my own character? Natalie? Well.... she is not consistent. She is weak. She doesn't always know what to say. Sometimes her interactions with others are strained. And her story seems to stop and start, stop and start. She rarely knows what will happen next; unpredictability is a major theme in the story. However, that's what makes it real. Honest and sincere reality... it can be tough... but it is good.
But let's just say that sometimes, those tough parts of life can pretty easily lead you to define/see yourself in a negative manner. "Forgive and forget..." "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me..." These two sayings are, quite possibly, the most ridiculous and false statements ever coined. It can be very difficult to forget things done to you, or said to you - especially when those words that were said hurt. And they can. Hurt, I mean...
I am a very critical person. Hard on myself, hard on others. And I've really never had a very good or strong perception of myself. Confidence... self-esteem... rarely there. I put on masks, I put up fronts. I used to think that these things saved me. But I have honestly just recently realized how greatly these things have ultimately hurt me. I shudder to think of what - and whom - I have missed out on due to my pride and fear. I feel that I have developed such odd - false, even - views of the people and world around me.
I have always blamed the lack of action on other people's parts for the way I've felt. Alone. Disliked. Afraid. Excluded. Etc... But really, it was my lack of action that hindered my ability to think or feel otherwise. Sure, I understood the concept of a "two-way street". I just... didn't care enough to turn onto other streets. I was always waiting for others to turn onto my street.
There's more... so much more. There truly was a lot of hurt based on past experiences and whatnot. I have held onto these hurts for a very long time. They have weighed me down. They have made me bitter. They have made me hate [myself more so than others]. They have created disillusions. And really, they have made me tired. I am so tired of the enemy using them against me time and time again, just because I can't seem to let them go. I am so tired of letting the lies of the world influence me to a greater extent than the truths of the Lamb.
A week ago I had a conversation with a sister in Christ. She lives on my floor and is really neat. We've had a few conversations in the past, but nothing terribly serious or deep - yet they've always been great, and certainly appreciated on my side of things. But this talk we had was not fun. It was not desired. And it was not appreciated - at first, that is. It actually started with me asking her a question about someone else... funnily enough, about whether that second person was "real". Truly legit. Because said person had surprised me [in a good way] with words and actions. It seemed that they really did care. And I was taken aback by the realization of how much I both wanted and needed that. But I thought I would check with my sister just to be sure; I knew she could advise me because the two of them are close. Oh by the way, it turns out they are real. Anyway, that question/answer morphed into something unexpected. Long story short, I completely broke down. ... I hate it when that happens. All this "stuff" came pouring out and it was just.... aifudasljfkal. Gloriously awful. Awfully glorious. Take your pick. But let me tell you... I felt so loved. Just because she let me talk. And yet she didn't merely hear me, but also listened... and had input. Gave advice. Asked questions. Prayed for me. Over the weekend, I was able to have some more really great conversations with her. I am being completely honest when I say that I feel as if I finally have a good, true friend here at Central. She, too, is "real" and I am so glad that I have someone I can turn to in anything and everything. But man... it's been rough. I feel as if "my world" is falling down around me. It's like a glass vase, dangerously close to the table's edge... the table is bumped and you know what's going to happen. You want to do everything you can to stop the vase from falling to the floor and shattering into dozens of pieces - but you can't. Anyway, my sister has pointed out some pretty big faults in my thinking and habits... reminded me that people are not monsters... and helped me realize how much I need people. Especially the Body of Christ. His Bride. The Church.
I cannot be alone.
It is impossible.
It is unrealistic.
It is not what God desires for me.
And besides, I really don't want to be alone.
I feel like I've forced that upon myself in the past.
All because I'd developed this horrendous view of humanity.
No more.
I deserve better.
So do those around me.
And above all, God deserves my best.
This past week has been full of ups and downs.
Confusion.
Hysteria.
Questions.
Prayer.
Reflection.
Tears.
But really... it's been a long time coming.
And I can't wait to see what comes next.
"REND"
oh, how i hurt.
i feel HIS hand upon me.
crushing. tearing. breaking.
oh, the pain.
strength.
comforted.
for it is good.
[necessary.]
but oh GOD, my GOD, this is not what i desired.
"... that YOU would rend the heavens." [but...]
my heart?
a fear of fears.
[unprepared.]
oh, how i hurt.
i know joy.
i know peace.
i want more. [but...]
oh, the pain.
continue, oh GOD, my GOD.
for YOU love me.
[abide.]
rend.
New life.
The same me... but... different.
A phoenix, if you will.
Thankful.
So very, very thankful.
'Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.'
[Romans 12:15]
... I realize this may seem like an odd verse to end with, but for whatever reason it's been on repeat in my mind for the past week... so please forgive me.
Showing posts with label Romans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romans. Show all posts
November 9, 2010
September 12, 2010
Ch. 743 - By and Through...
Luke 1:35
Jesus was born of the Spirit.
Luke 3:22
Jesus was baptized by the Spirit.
Luke 4:1
Jesus was filled and led by the Spirit.
Acts 10:38
Jesus did miracles through the Spirit.
Hebrews 9:14
Jesus offered himself to death through the Spirit.
Romans 8:11
Jesus rose from the dead by the Spirit.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 255.
Jesus was born of the Spirit.
Luke 3:22
Jesus was baptized by the Spirit.
Luke 4:1
Jesus was filled and led by the Spirit.
Acts 10:38
Jesus did miracles through the Spirit.
Hebrews 9:14
Jesus offered himself to death through the Spirit.
Romans 8:11
Jesus rose from the dead by the Spirit.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 255.
April 22, 2010
Ch. 693 - Things Above
Understanding displaces prejudice.
Fear.
We need to abandon preconceived notions if we truly desire to reach out to [all] God's children. Letting ourselves rest in our false thoughts does much harm. I think that often, we don't even create the thoughts ourselves. Rather they are created by others and placed in our minds through various mediums.
It's time to take control.
Cleanse.
'For God does not show favoritism.'
[Romans 2:11]
Mehhh, context...
But seriously. God doesn't, neither should we. We should accept others in an incredibly just manner. Equality.
Fear.
We need to abandon preconceived notions if we truly desire to reach out to [all] God's children. Letting ourselves rest in our false thoughts does much harm. I think that often, we don't even create the thoughts ourselves. Rather they are created by others and placed in our minds through various mediums.
It's time to take control.
Cleanse.
'For God does not show favoritism.'
[Romans 2:11]
Mehhh, context...
But seriously. God doesn't, neither should we. We should accept others in an incredibly just manner. Equality.
February 13, 2010
Ch. 650 - Choices, choices...
Alright. I'm done. The assignment devotionals helped in catching up, but that's all I'm going to use them for, I think. Most excellent.
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
December 3, 2008
Ch. 264 - A Slow Walk
So here's the story behind this post. It's actually 2:44 in the afternoon on Thursday. This post is actually a paper I wrote between midnight:30 and 3:00 this morning, and then later between 10:00 and 11:45... ummm, yeah. Anyway. It was an assignment for one of my classes. It's supposedly a spiritual growth plan. Whatever. But I missed yesterday's post ("today") and have nothing on my heart or mind right now - and had no clue what to write about - so I thought I'd post it. I figured it has to do with my faith and my walk with God, technically, so it works. It's a bit long, I wouldn't blame you for not reading it. Just thought I'd give you a heads up now.
......
'Psalm 25:4-7 [NIV] says, ‘Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.’
I feel that this psalm – and more specifically the section of verses above – describes where I am in my walk with God. I want to be taught by Him. I want to be guided by Him. I want to be loved by Him. I want to be forgiven by Him. At times it can be easy to forget that you need all of these things, especially from God. You need to learn. You need to be guided, loved, and forgiven. Because I want and need all of these things, I believe God has brought me to the path I am on. I am where I am for at least one reason, and whether I learn of this reason in five days or five years does not matter. I personally believe it is the here and now that matters. I think God knows that there is something I am searching for in the place where I am, and that is why He has brought me to where I am today. I am constantly seeking something – half the time I do not even know what – and throughout my life He has constantly provided me with the answers I have been looking for. I have not always walked down the straight and narrow path in regards to my faith. I have climbed mountains, I have dug myself into dark trenches. I have walked extremely close with God one day and veered completely off the edge of the map the next. Throughout my trials and accomplishments, sorrows and pleasures, I have made mistakes and learned from them. God is teaching me that I am not perfect. God is teaching me that without Him, I am nothing. And I think that is why He has brought me along the path that I have traveled thus far.
Because of this personal belief, I have come to grow in my faith in more than one way. For example, I have realized how truly wonderful ‘an unhurried life’ is. Taking the time to slow down has become an important aspect of my life. We do have a purpose on this earth and our lives are far too short to rush through everything; I think by rushing we are not able to fully comprehend our purpose and enjoy our fulfillment of what we are meant to do. But even until God reveals that purpose, I think it is important to not rush. God created this earth for our enjoyment, not mere disposal. In my opinion, ‘Take time to smell the roses’ could be, by far, one of the wisest sayings known to mankind. I have also grown through the realization that there is joy and beauty in every situation imaginable. I have lived a fortunate life. I mean, I have never been affected by disease. I have never had to deal with trauma. I have never lived in poverty. I have never been stricken with depression. Sure, I have experienced my share of sadness, frustration, anger… but I have never had to deal with utter tragedy. This is something I am thankful for. Even so, I am curious as to how I would respond to situations where there seems to be no happiness, peace, or joy. I think that God has recently been teaching me how to live with just that – joy. Life is full of those ‘dee dah day’ moments. God gives us gifts daily. It is just a matter of learning how to look for them, grasping them, and fully using them to see God’s own joy and beauty.
Even though I am growing in my faith and am developing what spiritual strengths I do have, there are ways I am completely adverse in regards to growing further and developing those strengths. I believe the first and foremost reason for God putting me on this earth is to wholly worship Him with love, devotion, and dedication. Deuteronomy 6:5 [NIV] says, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength,’ and John 4:23-24 [NIV] says, ‘“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”’ I believe that worship is not merely singing praise to God during church or youth group or chapel services at school. Worship is living your life for God, giving Him everything of yourself, every minute of every day. Yet do I truly live that way? No. As difficult as that may be to admit, it is the truth. It is not that I simply do not focus on Him enough, but it is also that I have turned away from Him entirely before – and more than once. There have been times when I rejected His love, and certainly did not give Him any in return. If that is not falling short of God’s design for me, I do not know what is. I also have not put as much trust in God as I could have. I do not think that I ever tried to put my full trust in Him until this past year, to be honest. I am not a fan of putting my trust in the unseen, the unknown. I like to plan. I like to know what is going to happen. When you put your trust in God, I think you are taking a step towards admitting that you are alright with not knowing what is going to happen. By putting your trust in God, you can be more firm in your beliefs and the faith that you have in Him. I have tried to do things my way, on my time, by my plans for such a long time. This is an absolute weakness and I am constantly striving to place it at the foot of the cross. I trust God. Unfortunately, saying you trust God and completely following through with having trust in Him are two entirely different things. Yet I know that He cares about me enough to have patience with me (ah yes, patience: something I feel I will always be continuing to learn).
I believe it is difficult to place my faith or my walk with God on a scale. Life is constant, but not consistent. It changes with you day-to-day. However, in general, I suppose I would be able to place myself at a five. I know I am always going to have room to grow, no matter where I come to be in life. Certain aspects of my spiritual life are better than others. For example, I would place myself at a nine in regards to prayer, but I would place myself at a four in regards to Scripture reflection or meditation. In four to five years I hope to be at a seven. I want to take things slowly, so that I can absorb as much as possible and get the most out of my relationship with God. I want to be on a slow walk with God.
Of course, there will always be things that hinder our relationship with God. Culture – especially Western culture – is not always very friendly to the believer who is trying to grow spiritually. There are distractions galore in the media, at work, at school, and at home. They come in many forms, such as people, material possessions, success complexes, health problems, violence, and so much more. We are a busy people. We are an independent people. I know that these represent two of my bigger obstacles that I face. Sometimes I always feel like I am going, going, going and that I live in an over-extended lifestyle. However, this is because of choices I have made; I can also choose to move toward the opposite of an over-extended lifestyle. I can choose a life with balance. I believe balance is a key component to healthy spiritual growth. I have to give priority to the important things in life. As of now, those things include God, my family, my health, and my education. Sure, friends are important. Service is, too, as is working. However, if I cannot even focus on my relationship with God, who created me and allows me to even have education, friends, and the ability to serve and work, how can I have all things in my life in order, regardless of priority? Not giving God enough time – and thinking too independently, believing I can do everything on my own – is a large obstacle that I am always striving to overcome.
Fortunately, I am slowly learning how to take larger bounds over these obstacles and by equipping myself with knowledge, as well as practicing spiritual disciplines, I believe I can make a lot of significant progression towards growing in my faith. I think that the righteousness and spiritual growth of mature Christians is not a result of their age or the number of years they have been Christian. I believe it is a result of practicing their disciplines. The willingness to do exactly that is an advantage for spiritual growth, in my opinion. Another advantage would include the fact that I am living in a time and place where I am surrounded by fellow believers. I am not persecuted for my faith in Jesus Christ. I am not cursed or shunned for my beliefs and morals. If I need help with anything, I have people I am able to turn to. I can ask them advice. I can ask them for prayer. I have opportunities to create support systems. Even though I think that we should turn to God with everything first, God does speak through people. We have also been put on this earth to encourage, edify, and grow with one another.
I think that growth can be spurred by many things. We have to want to grow, though. Once we have decided that we do want to grow spiritually, we can then take steps toward doing so. Personally, I know I need to be willing to open up to people more. There are often times when I want to talk about God and my faith, and complain that nobody is willing to be vulnerable. Yet when God presents opportunities to do so by placing people in my life who also want to talk about God and faith, I do not recognize the fact until later – or worse, I simply let the opportunities pass me by if I do recognize it. I also need to nurture growth with God’s Word. I have been working on this a lot lately, but I do not think that we can ever read enough. When I read the promises of God over and over, it helps me remember that He is at work, even when I cannot see Him at work. Hebrews 11:1 [NASB] says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” I also need to cooperate with God as He works, giving Him praise for what He is doing in my life. Pruning and cutting off may be difficult to deal with and it may hurt at times, but it is for the best. It helps us grow efficiently and produce greater amounts of fruit. And with this fruit we can reach out to people and help them grow. The fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23 are as follows: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need to be praying for said fruit consistently in order to grow effectively.
All things said and done, I have a lot of growing to do – and I am glad.
Romans 12:1-2 [NIV] says, ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will.’ If, by the time I leave this world, I learn how to grow spiritually in such a way that allows me to live the way Romans 12:1-2 describes, I will most likely consider my life well-lived. I want to be able to use what I have learned and what I know I will learn while growing spiritually to help others in the future. Whether I’m a missionary in the Middle East, a youth pastor in Salt Lake City, Utah, or a stay-at-home mom in goodness knows where, I hope to be able to guide others in developing their spiritual disciplines and growing in their faith.'
......
'Psalm 25:4-7 [NIV] says, ‘Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.’
I feel that this psalm – and more specifically the section of verses above – describes where I am in my walk with God. I want to be taught by Him. I want to be guided by Him. I want to be loved by Him. I want to be forgiven by Him. At times it can be easy to forget that you need all of these things, especially from God. You need to learn. You need to be guided, loved, and forgiven. Because I want and need all of these things, I believe God has brought me to the path I am on. I am where I am for at least one reason, and whether I learn of this reason in five days or five years does not matter. I personally believe it is the here and now that matters. I think God knows that there is something I am searching for in the place where I am, and that is why He has brought me to where I am today. I am constantly seeking something – half the time I do not even know what – and throughout my life He has constantly provided me with the answers I have been looking for. I have not always walked down the straight and narrow path in regards to my faith. I have climbed mountains, I have dug myself into dark trenches. I have walked extremely close with God one day and veered completely off the edge of the map the next. Throughout my trials and accomplishments, sorrows and pleasures, I have made mistakes and learned from them. God is teaching me that I am not perfect. God is teaching me that without Him, I am nothing. And I think that is why He has brought me along the path that I have traveled thus far.
Because of this personal belief, I have come to grow in my faith in more than one way. For example, I have realized how truly wonderful ‘an unhurried life’ is. Taking the time to slow down has become an important aspect of my life. We do have a purpose on this earth and our lives are far too short to rush through everything; I think by rushing we are not able to fully comprehend our purpose and enjoy our fulfillment of what we are meant to do. But even until God reveals that purpose, I think it is important to not rush. God created this earth for our enjoyment, not mere disposal. In my opinion, ‘Take time to smell the roses’ could be, by far, one of the wisest sayings known to mankind. I have also grown through the realization that there is joy and beauty in every situation imaginable. I have lived a fortunate life. I mean, I have never been affected by disease. I have never had to deal with trauma. I have never lived in poverty. I have never been stricken with depression. Sure, I have experienced my share of sadness, frustration, anger… but I have never had to deal with utter tragedy. This is something I am thankful for. Even so, I am curious as to how I would respond to situations where there seems to be no happiness, peace, or joy. I think that God has recently been teaching me how to live with just that – joy. Life is full of those ‘dee dah day’ moments. God gives us gifts daily. It is just a matter of learning how to look for them, grasping them, and fully using them to see God’s own joy and beauty.
Even though I am growing in my faith and am developing what spiritual strengths I do have, there are ways I am completely adverse in regards to growing further and developing those strengths. I believe the first and foremost reason for God putting me on this earth is to wholly worship Him with love, devotion, and dedication. Deuteronomy 6:5 [NIV] says, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength,’ and John 4:23-24 [NIV] says, ‘“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”’ I believe that worship is not merely singing praise to God during church or youth group or chapel services at school. Worship is living your life for God, giving Him everything of yourself, every minute of every day. Yet do I truly live that way? No. As difficult as that may be to admit, it is the truth. It is not that I simply do not focus on Him enough, but it is also that I have turned away from Him entirely before – and more than once. There have been times when I rejected His love, and certainly did not give Him any in return. If that is not falling short of God’s design for me, I do not know what is. I also have not put as much trust in God as I could have. I do not think that I ever tried to put my full trust in Him until this past year, to be honest. I am not a fan of putting my trust in the unseen, the unknown. I like to plan. I like to know what is going to happen. When you put your trust in God, I think you are taking a step towards admitting that you are alright with not knowing what is going to happen. By putting your trust in God, you can be more firm in your beliefs and the faith that you have in Him. I have tried to do things my way, on my time, by my plans for such a long time. This is an absolute weakness and I am constantly striving to place it at the foot of the cross. I trust God. Unfortunately, saying you trust God and completely following through with having trust in Him are two entirely different things. Yet I know that He cares about me enough to have patience with me (ah yes, patience: something I feel I will always be continuing to learn).
I believe it is difficult to place my faith or my walk with God on a scale. Life is constant, but not consistent. It changes with you day-to-day. However, in general, I suppose I would be able to place myself at a five. I know I am always going to have room to grow, no matter where I come to be in life. Certain aspects of my spiritual life are better than others. For example, I would place myself at a nine in regards to prayer, but I would place myself at a four in regards to Scripture reflection or meditation. In four to five years I hope to be at a seven. I want to take things slowly, so that I can absorb as much as possible and get the most out of my relationship with God. I want to be on a slow walk with God.
Of course, there will always be things that hinder our relationship with God. Culture – especially Western culture – is not always very friendly to the believer who is trying to grow spiritually. There are distractions galore in the media, at work, at school, and at home. They come in many forms, such as people, material possessions, success complexes, health problems, violence, and so much more. We are a busy people. We are an independent people. I know that these represent two of my bigger obstacles that I face. Sometimes I always feel like I am going, going, going and that I live in an over-extended lifestyle. However, this is because of choices I have made; I can also choose to move toward the opposite of an over-extended lifestyle. I can choose a life with balance. I believe balance is a key component to healthy spiritual growth. I have to give priority to the important things in life. As of now, those things include God, my family, my health, and my education. Sure, friends are important. Service is, too, as is working. However, if I cannot even focus on my relationship with God, who created me and allows me to even have education, friends, and the ability to serve and work, how can I have all things in my life in order, regardless of priority? Not giving God enough time – and thinking too independently, believing I can do everything on my own – is a large obstacle that I am always striving to overcome.
Fortunately, I am slowly learning how to take larger bounds over these obstacles and by equipping myself with knowledge, as well as practicing spiritual disciplines, I believe I can make a lot of significant progression towards growing in my faith. I think that the righteousness and spiritual growth of mature Christians is not a result of their age or the number of years they have been Christian. I believe it is a result of practicing their disciplines. The willingness to do exactly that is an advantage for spiritual growth, in my opinion. Another advantage would include the fact that I am living in a time and place where I am surrounded by fellow believers. I am not persecuted for my faith in Jesus Christ. I am not cursed or shunned for my beliefs and morals. If I need help with anything, I have people I am able to turn to. I can ask them advice. I can ask them for prayer. I have opportunities to create support systems. Even though I think that we should turn to God with everything first, God does speak through people. We have also been put on this earth to encourage, edify, and grow with one another.
I think that growth can be spurred by many things. We have to want to grow, though. Once we have decided that we do want to grow spiritually, we can then take steps toward doing so. Personally, I know I need to be willing to open up to people more. There are often times when I want to talk about God and my faith, and complain that nobody is willing to be vulnerable. Yet when God presents opportunities to do so by placing people in my life who also want to talk about God and faith, I do not recognize the fact until later – or worse, I simply let the opportunities pass me by if I do recognize it. I also need to nurture growth with God’s Word. I have been working on this a lot lately, but I do not think that we can ever read enough. When I read the promises of God over and over, it helps me remember that He is at work, even when I cannot see Him at work. Hebrews 11:1 [NASB] says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” I also need to cooperate with God as He works, giving Him praise for what He is doing in my life. Pruning and cutting off may be difficult to deal with and it may hurt at times, but it is for the best. It helps us grow efficiently and produce greater amounts of fruit. And with this fruit we can reach out to people and help them grow. The fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23 are as follows: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need to be praying for said fruit consistently in order to grow effectively.
All things said and done, I have a lot of growing to do – and I am glad.
Romans 12:1-2 [NIV] says, ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will.’ If, by the time I leave this world, I learn how to grow spiritually in such a way that allows me to live the way Romans 12:1-2 describes, I will most likely consider my life well-lived. I want to be able to use what I have learned and what I know I will learn while growing spiritually to help others in the future. Whether I’m a missionary in the Middle East, a youth pastor in Salt Lake City, Utah, or a stay-at-home mom in goodness knows where, I hope to be able to guide others in developing their spiritual disciplines and growing in their faith.'
November 25, 2008
Ch. 256 - I Am In Christ
This was my Bible verse of the day, and I really appreciated it. I'm not doing too hot right now and so it was a very encouraging verse for this point in time.
'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.'
[Romans 8:1-2]
'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.'
[Romans 8:1-2]
October 18, 2008
Ch. 222 - The Reflection
I am good. ... No.
I am great. Ehh... not quite.
I am awesome. Almost!
I am incredible. Still not there.
Honestly, words cannot express how I am right now. How I feel. How I think. Life is simply really great for me. I have a lot to be thankful for, that is an absolute given. One thing I'm thankful for is the fact that I am truly becoming closer with God. And that is most important to me, so I am simply all the more grateful.
I've been praying for this - to be where I am currently - for a very long time. Slowly but surely... God is answering my prayer.
Everything seems to be coming together, you know? Things just work. They match up. Click. Come together.
I couldn't be happier. Well. I mean, I'm sure I could be, but for now I am amazingly content. That doesn't mean I'm going to settle, but I'm pretty good to go for the time being. My God is so great. The more I think just that... the more I see how true it is. I don't deserve this - whatever 'this' may be. Seriously, I simply can't wrap my mind around the fact that a God as great as He wants anything to do with me. I'm appreciative, but practically in disbelief.
'... in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
[Romans 8:37-39]
I am great. Ehh... not quite.
I am awesome. Almost!
I am incredible. Still not there.
Honestly, words cannot express how I am right now. How I feel. How I think. Life is simply really great for me. I have a lot to be thankful for, that is an absolute given. One thing I'm thankful for is the fact that I am truly becoming closer with God. And that is most important to me, so I am simply all the more grateful.
I've been praying for this - to be where I am currently - for a very long time. Slowly but surely... God is answering my prayer.
Everything seems to be coming together, you know? Things just work. They match up. Click. Come together.
I couldn't be happier. Well. I mean, I'm sure I could be, but for now I am amazingly content. That doesn't mean I'm going to settle, but I'm pretty good to go for the time being. My God is so great. The more I think just that... the more I see how true it is. I don't deserve this - whatever 'this' may be. Seriously, I simply can't wrap my mind around the fact that a God as great as He wants anything to do with me. I'm appreciative, but practically in disbelief.
'... in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
[Romans 8:37-39]
September 16, 2008
Ch. 189 - The Dreams
Today in my SALT class my small group leader asked us a question. A simple question. A question with, technically, endless answers. But this question threw me for a loop and I had no idea how to answer it. I did some fast thinking and, when it was my turn, shared an answer that I was surprised to hear myself say.
"What are you guys' dreams?" (Yep. Definitely a Midwesterner.)
Hold up.
'Dreams? What are dreams?' No, just kidding. Honestly, though - I've never truly thought about it. I mean, God cut my first so-called dream for my life completely off this past year. And now I just have a couple of general ideas of what I think God wants to do with my life - but by no means have I ever considered those general ideas to be dreams. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that they could certainly be called dreams, because they both include passions of mine and would be ways of serving God, which is all I ultimately want to do.
Doing missions in the Middle East is a dream of mine. Letting Muslims know that there is something more out there than rituals and the fear of doing enough good deeds to be saved is definitely on my heart. It may or may not be part of God's plan for me, but that's alright. If it is indeed His will, He'll make it evident at one point or another. That was my more apparent 'dream' because I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.
The other dream that I shared was the dream that I realized I had as I was saying it. It's something that's always been on my mind, but I never considered it a dream. But it's something that's of a large enough magnitude that it could be considered a dream. I want to spread the true Gospel to Mormons in Utah. They have this twisted view of Christianity that simply isn't true. And it's not fair to anyone, really, to let them believe that they are saved, when they are not. There's already a movement starting in Salt Lake, right up at the University of Utah. Ute-Nited is definitely going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives, whether they are Mormon or not. It certainly made an impact on me. It - and the people that started it and were part of it - is one of the reasons why I'm here at Central this year.
My SALT group noted that we were all missions majors (or at least are for now...), but we had such different dreams from each other. It's interesting to see what God has placed on our hearts through the lives we've lived so far - and it'll be interesting to see what actually happens over the years, and what dreams will become reality for us.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
......
Ch. 189, Part Two:
This week's memory verse (for Thursday):
'This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written on it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.'
[Joshua 1:8]
"What are you guys' dreams?" (Yep. Definitely a Midwesterner.)
Hold up.
'Dreams? What are dreams?' No, just kidding. Honestly, though - I've never truly thought about it. I mean, God cut my first so-called dream for my life completely off this past year. And now I just have a couple of general ideas of what I think God wants to do with my life - but by no means have I ever considered those general ideas to be dreams. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that they could certainly be called dreams, because they both include passions of mine and would be ways of serving God, which is all I ultimately want to do.
Doing missions in the Middle East is a dream of mine. Letting Muslims know that there is something more out there than rituals and the fear of doing enough good deeds to be saved is definitely on my heart. It may or may not be part of God's plan for me, but that's alright. If it is indeed His will, He'll make it evident at one point or another. That was my more apparent 'dream' because I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.
The other dream that I shared was the dream that I realized I had as I was saying it. It's something that's always been on my mind, but I never considered it a dream. But it's something that's of a large enough magnitude that it could be considered a dream. I want to spread the true Gospel to Mormons in Utah. They have this twisted view of Christianity that simply isn't true. And it's not fair to anyone, really, to let them believe that they are saved, when they are not. There's already a movement starting in Salt Lake, right up at the University of Utah. Ute-Nited is definitely going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives, whether they are Mormon or not. It certainly made an impact on me. It - and the people that started it and were part of it - is one of the reasons why I'm here at Central this year.
My SALT group noted that we were all missions majors (or at least are for now...), but we had such different dreams from each other. It's interesting to see what God has placed on our hearts through the lives we've lived so far - and it'll be interesting to see what actually happens over the years, and what dreams will become reality for us.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
......
Ch. 189, Part Two:
This week's memory verse (for Thursday):
'This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written on it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.'
[Joshua 1:8]
September 13, 2008
Ch. 186 - Leaning on God
I can't keep missing people and experiences. I mean, it's alright to do so, I suppose. But when it's getting in the way of my walk with Christ, it's definitely not alright. Things simply aren't the same here as they were in Salt Lake, so I can't expect to grow in the ways I did when I was at the University of Utah. I just can't.
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
August 5, 2008
Ch. 153 - One Step at a Time
Sometimes you need a bit of encouragement from someone you don't technically know that well - but sincerely love - in order to take that next step forward... or realize that the step you're already taking isn't quite as scary as you think it is.
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
July 21, 2008
Ch. 138 - United in Action
I've finally realized that it doesn't matter what you do or how you do it, but that you do something... for example, in the ways of reaching out, lending a hand, loving, offering an ear or a shoulder, etc. It doesn't matter if you are the mouth of Christ, the arms of Christ, the eyes of Christ, the feet of Christ, or the ears of Christ. Every part of the body is beautiful and useful.
'Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.'
[Romans 12:4-5]
'Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.'
[Romans 12:4-5]
June 4, 2008
Ch. 91 - Who Am I?
I judge people.
A lot.
Well, maybe not too much. But definitely more than I should.
Which, in my opinion, should technically be never.
What gives me the right to be around someone and assume I know them... their mind... their heart... by the way they act or by something they said?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
My mom said something a few days ago about me being able to perceive people well. I took that as a compliment. But perceiving people in such ways is entirely different from judging people. The only one who can and will righteously judge others is our Lord. May He forgive me for judging His people wrongly and help me repent so that I don't continue to do so.
'You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.'
[Romans 2:1-2]
A lot.
Well, maybe not too much. But definitely more than I should.
Which, in my opinion, should technically be never.
What gives me the right to be around someone and assume I know them... their mind... their heart... by the way they act or by something they said?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
My mom said something a few days ago about me being able to perceive people well. I took that as a compliment. But perceiving people in such ways is entirely different from judging people. The only one who can and will righteously judge others is our Lord. May He forgive me for judging His people wrongly and help me repent so that I don't continue to do so.
'You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.'
[Romans 2:1-2]
March 24, 2008
Ch. 69 - A Miracle?
My mom sent me some yarn and knitting needles in her last box. I had never taken an interest in knitting in the past, so I was surprised to find them in there. At the same time, I was excited. One of the reasons I had never shown interest in learning how to knit is that I knew how impatient I was. I didn't want to take the time to sit down and learn, because I knew I would be learning by making mistake after mistake. But I thought I'd give it a shot. I'd say I spent a good three hours learning how to do the cast-on stitch.
You know what?
Those three hours were spent in complete and utter patience and peace. I didn't furrow my brow in frustration. I didn't discard the needles in disgust. When things didn't go exactly as... planned... I simply started over - again and again and again and again.
So you'll have to forgive me when I say that I believe those eighteen stitches are the most beautiful stitches the world of knitting has ever known.
God really is teaching me patience.
'Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'
[Romans 5:3]
You know what?
Those three hours were spent in complete and utter patience and peace. I didn't furrow my brow in frustration. I didn't discard the needles in disgust. When things didn't go exactly as... planned... I simply started over - again and again and again and again.
So you'll have to forgive me when I say that I believe those eighteen stitches are the most beautiful stitches the world of knitting has ever known.
God really is teaching me patience.
'Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'
[Romans 5:3]
March 21, 2008
Ch. 66 - Living a Lie
Die in self. Live in Christ.
I thought I had. I thought I was.
Help.
'Jesus Christ was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.'
[Romans 4:25]
I thought I had. I thought I was.
Help.
'Jesus Christ was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.'
[Romans 4:25]
February 29, 2008
Ch. 45 - Note for the Future
As I was cleaning out my desk today, I found something I had written for Shawn awhile ago. We had been talking about going into youth ministry and our love for youth and such - but Shawn couldn't help but admit that she didn't particularly care for certain youth... notedly sixth grade boys. They're annoying. They're pubescent. They're obnoxious. They're roughhousers. They're sixth. grade. boys. Enough said.
Here's what I had written:
'If God can love all of us - sinners, murderers, adulterers, thieves, etc. - there's no reason we should not be able to love sixth grade boys.'
Because we are loved, we can love. We can love everybody. And not just pretend to love - but truly, honestly love. With sincerity. [Romans 12:9] That's what God wants of us, after all.
'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.'
[1 Peter 1:22-23]
Here's what I had written:
'If God can love all of us - sinners, murderers, adulterers, thieves, etc. - there's no reason we should not be able to love sixth grade boys.'
Because we are loved, we can love. We can love everybody. And not just pretend to love - but truly, honestly love. With sincerity. [Romans 12:9] That's what God wants of us, after all.
'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.'
[1 Peter 1:22-23]
February 25, 2008
Ch. 41 - God Equips Us
I was reading on CARM (Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry) yesterday and noticed they had an evangelism tab. For some reason, I couldn't recall seeing it before. So I thought I'd check it out - seeing how I'm going on an evangelism trip this summer and all, you know. Ha.
I did a bit of exploration, and found something I really liked. It's called the Roman Road. It takes you through the gospel of Jesus Christ in a few verses of Romans.
Romans 3:10: 'As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one..." '
Romans 3:23: '... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God... '
Romans 5:12: ' Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned - '
Romans 6:23: 'For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
Romans 5:8: 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'
Romans 10:9: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
Romans 10:10: 'For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.'
Romans 10:13: '... for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." '
I did a bit of exploration, and found something I really liked. It's called the Roman Road. It takes you through the gospel of Jesus Christ in a few verses of Romans.
Romans 3:10: 'As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one..." '
Romans 3:23: '... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God... '
Romans 5:12: ' Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned - '
Romans 6:23: 'For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
Romans 5:8: 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'
Romans 10:9: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
Romans 10:10: 'For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.'
Romans 10:13: '... for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." '
February 1, 2008
Ch. 16 - Taking Action
After writing 'Home' last night, I realized that even though I won't be relocating and starting a new adventure, I can still make a difference here. I can continue to grow, develop, change. I want to do something big. But I can do that anywhere, really.
What I'd like to do is continue with my studies at the University of Utah, getting my degree in the Middle Eastern Studies, then pursue my master's in Biblical Studies. I think that's the best decision for now. I'm not planning, necessarily... but that's what I truly feel God is guiding me to do. That's the best part - I know this isn't me.
I finally feel peace. Beautiful.
I want to live my life for Him, giving praises and worshiping Him every moment of every day. I want to continue to grow closer to Him. I want to share my joys, sorrows, anxieties, prayers, hopes, concerns, and happiness with Him. I don't want to hold anything back. He can handle it... He is God, after all.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.'
[Romans 12:1]
What I'd like to do is continue with my studies at the University of Utah, getting my degree in the Middle Eastern Studies, then pursue my master's in Biblical Studies. I think that's the best decision for now. I'm not planning, necessarily... but that's what I truly feel God is guiding me to do. That's the best part - I know this isn't me.
I finally feel peace. Beautiful.
I want to live my life for Him, giving praises and worshiping Him every moment of every day. I want to continue to grow closer to Him. I want to share my joys, sorrows, anxieties, prayers, hopes, concerns, and happiness with Him. I don't want to hold anything back. He can handle it... He is God, after all.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.'
[Romans 12:1]
January 31, 2008
Ch. 15 - Home
I'm home.
My heart is here. It's with the people I've met and have become friends with. It's with Cru. It's with The Mount. It's with my small groups and leaders. I've put in quite a bit of time, effort, and love into all I've done. I'm establishing connections and have already started to grow roots here and there.
I'm staying.
Until God entirely tells me differently, Salt Lake City will have to put up with me.
I need to mature a bit before I go off on another adventure. I can't just pick up my things, move back halfway across the country, and start a new life all over again.
I want to grow in my faith more before I see whether a 'religious vocation' is what God wants of me. It's what I want, yes. But God? That's quite iffy, I've decided. Even if it is, I'd rather go into it all more prepared than I would be if I were to start next year.
I praise God for teaching me patience and decisiveness.
'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.'
[Romans 12:12]
My heart is here. It's with the people I've met and have become friends with. It's with Cru. It's with The Mount. It's with my small groups and leaders. I've put in quite a bit of time, effort, and love into all I've done. I'm establishing connections and have already started to grow roots here and there.
I'm staying.
Until God entirely tells me differently, Salt Lake City will have to put up with me.
I need to mature a bit before I go off on another adventure. I can't just pick up my things, move back halfway across the country, and start a new life all over again.
I want to grow in my faith more before I see whether a 'religious vocation' is what God wants of me. It's what I want, yes. But God? That's quite iffy, I've decided. Even if it is, I'd rather go into it all more prepared than I would be if I were to start next year.
I praise God for teaching me patience and decisiveness.
'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.'
[Romans 12:12]
January 17, 2008
Ch. 1 - The Realization; 22. 12. 07
I'm starting anew once again. These past few weeks... these past couple of months, actually... have built me up and torn me down. Now I stand on level ground, humbled.
I've grown.
My goodness, how I have grown. I love how now no matter what, as life goes on, I will never stop learning. I will make more mistakes. I will cry. I will laugh. I will distance myself from Him. I will grow closer to Him. I will see the good in what has been deemed bad, and I will see the bad in what has been deemed good. I will have peace. I will have struggle.
But I am ready.
He is with me every step of the way. I want to live my life for Him. My actions, my words, my choices... may they please and glorify Him.
At this point in my life, I've come to realize that all I want is to serve Him. I can't explain it; I simply feel this beautiful, deep desire within my heart to do so. I believe it's what He wants - not only of me, but also for me.
It's as if I need to - for both of us. That's the best way I can put it.
'Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.'
[Romans 12:11]
I've grown.
My goodness, how I have grown. I love how now no matter what, as life goes on, I will never stop learning. I will make more mistakes. I will cry. I will laugh. I will distance myself from Him. I will grow closer to Him. I will see the good in what has been deemed bad, and I will see the bad in what has been deemed good. I will have peace. I will have struggle.
But I am ready.
He is with me every step of the way. I want to live my life for Him. My actions, my words, my choices... may they please and glorify Him.
At this point in my life, I've come to realize that all I want is to serve Him. I can't explain it; I simply feel this beautiful, deep desire within my heart to do so. I believe it's what He wants - not only of me, but also for me.
It's as if I need to - for both of us. That's the best way I can put it.
'Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.'
[Romans 12:11]
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