As with Ch. 775, I have decided to group items on the list into one post. I have decided to do this because of the great confusion that people have seemed to create over that which are wants and needs.
Want, want, want.
I want, want, want.
We want, want, want.
Need, need, need.
I need, need, need.
We need, need, need.
Hmph.
What I want is this: people to stop wanting all the time.
And what I need is this: people to stop needing what they merely want.
Er, for people to - at the least - stop saying they need what they merely want.
Sad, isn't it? How greatly we tend to focus on what we [supposedly] want.
And I mean, it's not even the wanting that is so horrendous at times, but rather the objects of our wants... as well as the fact that it is more often than not ourselves that we desire to gratify, or obtain for.
Why not focus on what we see in Scripture that points to what God wants?
Both of and for us.
Does it really all come down to love?
I move that the answer very well may be 'yes'.
I suppose it's under the umbrella of '"Jesus" is always the right answer' when asked a question in Sunday school. Silly, but true. Just take a moment and think about it. And then take another moment to read over the following Scripture verses:
' "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." '
[Micah 6:8]
... Don't fret over 'require'.
' "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
[Matthew 22:36-39]
'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.'
[James 1:27]
'Come near to God and he will come near to you...'
[James 4:8a]
Pretty forseeable verses to pull, I know. Typical. But I appreciate the fact they all do, indeed, point to loving God and others in one way or another. They also all have to do with relationships, whether with God or people. And while I would love to say that these are things that God "needs" us to do... I have a difficult time believing that God actually needs us to do anything.
There is so very much more to it. I mean, I'm pretty sure that God "wants" us to obey Him. And after three years of Bible college, I think it's safe to say that I know God does not "want" us to kill people - among other things. ... Heh.
Perhaps God wants me to be a comedian.
I will say it again:
'Sad, isn't it? How greatly we tend to focus on what we [supposedly] want.'
... Rather than that which is necessary, our needs to live.
Serve.
Teach.
Equip.
And yet, do we even truly need anything to do those things?
We certainly don't need anything to love.
Well.
Other than the knowledge and belief that we were first loved by God, perhaps.
Showing posts with label Desire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Desire. Show all posts
May 20, 2011
May 10, 2011
Ch. 796 - The List: Romania
I have written about Romania before.
Nothing has changed since then.
If anything, my interest regarding Romania has increased greatly.
Oh, to be an unknown orphan of Romania.
Loved by no one save our Lord God.
Sometimes I feel so helpless.
... Is it awful to say that it's almost as if prayer does not suffice?
God-willing, my time to [physically] "do" something will come.
Until then, I place my trust in God to watch over His beautiful children, enabling my brothers and sisters to do what they can in order to help the abandoned and forgotten children of Romania. And I ask that you would also keep Romania and her people in your thoughts and prayers.
Nothing has changed since then.
If anything, my interest regarding Romania has increased greatly.
Oh, to be an unknown orphan of Romania.
Loved by no one save our Lord God.
Sometimes I feel so helpless.
... Is it awful to say that it's almost as if prayer does not suffice?
God-willing, my time to [physically] "do" something will come.
Until then, I place my trust in God to watch over His beautiful children, enabling my brothers and sisters to do what they can in order to help the abandoned and forgotten children of Romania. And I ask that you would also keep Romania and her people in your thoughts and prayers.
January 20, 2011
Ch. 771 - The List: Dreams
Ohhh boy. Dreams.
And I'm not talking about dreams that occur during sleep, just a heads up.
[Perhaps another day.]
This is also not a post for encouraging you to "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!" and "SHOOT FOR THE STARS!" I mean, that's great and everything. Sure, go for it - whatever "it" may be. But this is really just a matter-of-fact type of post. And it's all about me. Me, me, me: the way it should be [mmm, sarcasm... well, sort of].
I suppose I could say that I have a few dreams... a multitude, actually, if I were to interchange the word "dream" with "desire". I desire many things - some more deeply than others. And it is those deep desires that I more fully believe are God's desires for my life, which He has placed within my heart. I'm going to keep it fairly short and sweet, though, and only bring up a few of these dreams/desires/whatever.
Well, dreams... as with fears, I know I have written about dreams in the past. They specifically had to do with ministry outreach to Muslims and Mormons. I feel that a few things have changed in regards to working with Muslims but I don't believe it is God's will for me to do outreach to Mormons. At least not in the foreseeable future. And that's okay. Now, with the Muslim ministry... I don't feel that it is absolutely necessary to go overseas for... well... "forever". I've been thinking about that a lot the past few months. Part of me feels that doing so would hold me back, in a way. And there's just so much I want to do... and a lot of it I don't want to do overseas. So we'll see how things develop here in the semi-near future.
There are some... traditional, you could say... dreams that I have, alongside dreams of serving God and His kingdom. For example, I dream of one day having a husband. A husband who also desires to have a God-centered relationship. A husband who can lead. A husband who is willing to make mistakes, learning from them [because we all know he will make them]. A husband who can help me, but firstly whom I can help. A husband who is thoughtful and caring of others. And, naturally, I dream of having children. Yeah, yeah... I know: "typical woman"... for the most part. I dream of having children who come to love God as I do. Children who fear Him, as well. Children who have good [Southern!] manners. Children who obey. Children who seek the approval of God over that of man. Children who are honest, who understand the importance of morals and values.
[On a less serious note, I also dream of the day that I can finally say that I am not an indecisive person... oh Lord my God, let that day come soon!]
Recently I have realized that a dream of mine - a strong desire, truly - stems from the concept and practice of discipleship. Discipling young women, more specifically [even though I do want to be able to work with kids in general, girls and boys alike]. I have had the opportunity to disciple girls only a few times, but I have cherished those chapters of my life dearly. I feel very strongly about discipleship, and wish that others would, too. It is so important in our journeys to have people we can trust whom we know are willing to teach and guide us... pray with us... give advice... mentor us... help us grow in our faiths, and grow as people in general.
There's so much more. Meaningful things and trivial things - but regardless of their supposed level of importance, they are all unique and special to me because they are part of me. And God has created all parts of me - dreams and desires alike - in a manner that makes me unique and special to Him. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. Wow. All blessing, honor, power, and glory belong to Him.
And I'm not talking about dreams that occur during sleep, just a heads up.
[Perhaps another day.]
This is also not a post for encouraging you to "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!" and "SHOOT FOR THE STARS!" I mean, that's great and everything. Sure, go for it - whatever "it" may be. But this is really just a matter-of-fact type of post. And it's all about me. Me, me, me: the way it should be [mmm, sarcasm... well, sort of].
I suppose I could say that I have a few dreams... a multitude, actually, if I were to interchange the word "dream" with "desire". I desire many things - some more deeply than others. And it is those deep desires that I more fully believe are God's desires for my life, which He has placed within my heart. I'm going to keep it fairly short and sweet, though, and only bring up a few of these dreams/desires/whatever.
Well, dreams... as with fears, I know I have written about dreams in the past. They specifically had to do with ministry outreach to Muslims and Mormons. I feel that a few things have changed in regards to working with Muslims but I don't believe it is God's will for me to do outreach to Mormons. At least not in the foreseeable future. And that's okay. Now, with the Muslim ministry... I don't feel that it is absolutely necessary to go overseas for... well... "forever". I've been thinking about that a lot the past few months. Part of me feels that doing so would hold me back, in a way. And there's just so much I want to do... and a lot of it I don't want to do overseas. So we'll see how things develop here in the semi-near future.
There are some... traditional, you could say... dreams that I have, alongside dreams of serving God and His kingdom. For example, I dream of one day having a husband. A husband who also desires to have a God-centered relationship. A husband who can lead. A husband who is willing to make mistakes, learning from them [because we all know he will make them]. A husband who can help me, but firstly whom I can help. A husband who is thoughtful and caring of others. And, naturally, I dream of having children. Yeah, yeah... I know: "typical woman"... for the most part. I dream of having children who come to love God as I do. Children who fear Him, as well. Children who have good [Southern!] manners. Children who obey. Children who seek the approval of God over that of man. Children who are honest, who understand the importance of morals and values.
[On a less serious note, I also dream of the day that I can finally say that I am not an indecisive person... oh Lord my God, let that day come soon!]
Recently I have realized that a dream of mine - a strong desire, truly - stems from the concept and practice of discipleship. Discipling young women, more specifically [even though I do want to be able to work with kids in general, girls and boys alike]. I have had the opportunity to disciple girls only a few times, but I have cherished those chapters of my life dearly. I feel very strongly about discipleship, and wish that others would, too. It is so important in our journeys to have people we can trust whom we know are willing to teach and guide us... pray with us... give advice... mentor us... help us grow in our faiths, and grow as people in general.
There's so much more. Meaningful things and trivial things - but regardless of their supposed level of importance, they are all unique and special to me because they are part of me. And God has created all parts of me - dreams and desires alike - in a manner that makes me unique and special to Him. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. Wow. All blessing, honor, power, and glory belong to Him.
September 20, 2010
Ch. 751 - Seasons of Testing
"Let the winds blow...
Awake, awake oh north wind...
Come oh winds of testing,
come winds of refreshing..."
Oh Lord God... work on me.
Refine me.
Test me.
Do what You will.
For I know that what You do to and for me is good.
... Not to mention necessary.
' "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.' " '
[Zechariah 13:9]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 343.
Awake, awake oh north wind...
Come oh winds of testing,
come winds of refreshing..."
Oh Lord God... work on me.
Refine me.
Test me.
Do what You will.
For I know that what You do to and for me is good.
... Not to mention necessary.
' "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.' " '
[Zechariah 13:9]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 343.
September 19, 2010
Ch. 750 - Call On His Name
A present-day vision of Heaven... Thank You, Lord God, for this beautiful realization. So simple. Wondrous.
......
"There's no other name."
JESUS.
Such power.
Magnificence.
Overwhelming, O God, is Your presence. But oh, how thankful I am for it. I pray for a new constant in my life, Lord God. A constant... of Your presence... joy... stability... self-discipline... anything that is of You, and You alone.
I want You.
I need You.
A true desire.
A new hunger and thirst.
I can only be satiated by You.
Fill me like never before.
"Wake me up."
I want to do things with You, not merely for You. I yearn, oh how I yearn, for You.
"I sit here at Your feet,
I find my rest in You.
I sit here at Your feet,
I take great delight in You."
Lord God, only You satisfy.
'I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips. '
[Psalm 34:1]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 336.
......
"There's no other name."
JESUS.
Such power.
Magnificence.
Overwhelming, O God, is Your presence. But oh, how thankful I am for it. I pray for a new constant in my life, Lord God. A constant... of Your presence... joy... stability... self-discipline... anything that is of You, and You alone.
I want You.
I need You.
A true desire.
A new hunger and thirst.
I can only be satiated by You.
Fill me like never before.
"Wake me up."
I want to do things with You, not merely for You. I yearn, oh how I yearn, for You.
"I sit here at Your feet,
I find my rest in You.
I sit here at Your feet,
I take great delight in You."
Lord God, only You satisfy.
'I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips. '
[Psalm 34:1]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 336.
July 18, 2010
Ch. 716 - In His Presence
"In Your presence, all fear is gone... in Your presence.
In Your presence, is where I belong... in Your presence."
We sang this in church this morning. It's part of a song, but it's the only part we sang. ... And I am so glad.
I was overwhelmed with His presence.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know what to think.
So I just stood there.
Eyes closed.
Arms out.
Soaking.
Gazing upon His throne, radiant light shining upon my face.
Peace.
A silent joy.
Drifting thoughts about the Lamb.
His death.
His resurrection.
Victory.
His Father.
Heaven.
Heaven... our true home.
"Until He returns... or calls me home..."
Home.
Sometimes I feel like even though I am here in Iowa, with my family, I am not home. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a home. That I don't belong anywhere.
Heaven.
'That' is heavenly.
'This' is like heaven on earth.
"Is this heaven?"
... "No, it's Iowa."
I think, however, that I have finally found heaven on earth.
I am at home in His presence.
And that's all that matters.
......
Spirit-filled.
Ears covered.
Ears opened.
Lies.
Still dirty.
But refreshed.
It's a start.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 161.
In Your presence, is where I belong... in Your presence."
We sang this in church this morning. It's part of a song, but it's the only part we sang. ... And I am so glad.
I was overwhelmed with His presence.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know what to think.
So I just stood there.
Eyes closed.
Arms out.
Soaking.
Gazing upon His throne, radiant light shining upon my face.
Peace.
A silent joy.
Drifting thoughts about the Lamb.
His death.
His resurrection.
Victory.
His Father.
Heaven.
Heaven... our true home.
"Until He returns... or calls me home..."
Home.
Sometimes I feel like even though I am here in Iowa, with my family, I am not home. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a home. That I don't belong anywhere.
Heaven.
'That' is heavenly.
'This' is like heaven on earth.
"Is this heaven?"
... "No, it's Iowa."
I think, however, that I have finally found heaven on earth.
I am at home in His presence.
And that's all that matters.
......
Spirit-filled.
Ears covered.
Ears opened.
Lies.
Still dirty.
But refreshed.
It's a start.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 161.
April 20, 2010
Ch. 691 - Capacity
Before class this morning I began my day by praying in the gym.
Lord God.
Chapel.
People.
Hearts.
Change.
Jesus Christ.
Peace.
Fruit.
Power.
Holy Spirit.
Hope.
Time.
The Church.
Joy.
Me.
My mind was racing, my heart was pounding.
Even though I felt as if a million and one thoughts were running through my mind, I felt as if they all centered around a single theme: love.
My love for God.
My love for others.
God's love for me.
God's love for others.
The body's love for God.
The body's love for others.
And so it goes on...
I've come to realize that sometimes, throughout the day, all I pray for is love.
More love.
What I really desire is for us to love God more.
'Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
[Matthew 22:37-38]
How often are we asked, "Do you truly obey the greatest commandment?"
Or how often do we hear, "You know... it all comes down to love. That's what it's all about!"
So this morning, as I'm praying and "love" recycles itself through my thoughts, I hear the following line from the song All Consuming Fire by Misty Edwards:
'Let us fall more in love with You.'
Oh, the joys of putting the iPod on shuffle: what a pleasant surprise...
When I heard that line, I just stopped.
I was overcome with the weight of the Presence.
I doubled over.
['Whoa.']
Unexpected.
But welcomed.
That's a heaviness on your heart that you should never want lifted.
No restraint.
Freedom in the Spirit.
All out of love, and the desire of love for God from others.
Desires from within that I'm not even fully aware of, made known to God.
Is that truly such a terrible thing?
[What are people so afraid of?]
God is listening.
"It's not time.
... They're not ready."
But He is listening.
Before all else, we need to increase our capacity to love.
Devotion.
Adoration.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Acceptance of self.
Love of self.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Acceptance of others.
Love of others.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Ask for more.
Lord God.
Chapel.
People.
Hearts.
Change.
Jesus Christ.
Peace.
Fruit.
Power.
Holy Spirit.
Hope.
Time.
The Church.
Joy.
Me.
My mind was racing, my heart was pounding.
Even though I felt as if a million and one thoughts were running through my mind, I felt as if they all centered around a single theme: love.
My love for God.
My love for others.
God's love for me.
God's love for others.
The body's love for God.
The body's love for others.
And so it goes on...
I've come to realize that sometimes, throughout the day, all I pray for is love.
More love.
What I really desire is for us to love God more.
'Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
[Matthew 22:37-38]
How often are we asked, "Do you truly obey the greatest commandment?"
Or how often do we hear, "You know... it all comes down to love. That's what it's all about!"
So this morning, as I'm praying and "love" recycles itself through my thoughts, I hear the following line from the song All Consuming Fire by Misty Edwards:
'Let us fall more in love with You.'
Oh, the joys of putting the iPod on shuffle: what a pleasant surprise...
When I heard that line, I just stopped.
I was overcome with the weight of the Presence.
I doubled over.
['Whoa.']
Unexpected.
But welcomed.
That's a heaviness on your heart that you should never want lifted.
No restraint.
Freedom in the Spirit.
All out of love, and the desire of love for God from others.
Desires from within that I'm not even fully aware of, made known to God.
Is that truly such a terrible thing?
[What are people so afraid of?]
God is listening.
"It's not time.
... They're not ready."
But He is listening.
Before all else, we need to increase our capacity to love.
Devotion.
Adoration.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Acceptance of self.
Love of self.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Acceptance of others.
Love of others.
Ask for more.
Love God.
Ask for more.
March 16, 2010
Ch. 676 - A Yearning
'My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you. When your judgments come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness.'
[Isaiah 26:9]
There is a lot that could be said regarding this verse. For one thing, dichotomists and trichotomists could have a field day debating over the mentioning of both soul and spirit. But I'm not about to open that can of worms. I would much rather emphasize the use of yearning and longing for God. I think that ultimately, He is the desire of our heart of hearts. So naturally, we would long for Him constantly. And I think that is a beautiful realization.
[Isaiah 26:9]
There is a lot that could be said regarding this verse. For one thing, dichotomists and trichotomists could have a field day debating over the mentioning of both soul and spirit. But I'm not about to open that can of worms. I would much rather emphasize the use of yearning and longing for God. I think that ultimately, He is the desire of our heart of hearts. So naturally, we would long for Him constantly. And I think that is a beautiful realization.
February 26, 2010
Ch. 663 - Heart Cry
'My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, Lord, I will seek.'
[Psalm 27:8]
Your face, Lord, I will seek.'
[Psalm 27:8]
December 1, 2008
Ch. 262 - Wading
I feel like I'm in a baby pool. No matter where I turn, no matter where I step, I am in shallow water. I am desperately seeking deeper waters to dive into. Most of the time I feel like I am learning, but not growing. I am not being stretched. I am not being challenged. I am not being stimulated. I've been saying this over and over, I know. But it's true. Intelligent conversation is a great thing... God-talks are beautiful and encouraging... small groups and Bible studies can be so uplifting... but apparently the only things that matter around here are boys/girls [and marriage], shopping, movies, texting - oh, and the occasional "Biblical discussion" about baptism and its role in salvation.
Deciding to come to this school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. However, it was also one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I really do. But sometimes I just want to wake these people up and ask what is wrong with them! Do classes really take so much of their time and attention (both faith-wise and non-faith-wise) that they can't spend some time out of class in discussion, [Bible] study, etc.? Other than in class and chapel, neither God nor the Bible is ever topical. Neither come up in daily conversation. You ask someone how they are and all they respond with is, "I'm tired." Where is your joy? There is a young man on this campus who is different, though. You ask him how he's doing, you'll hear something along the lines of, "I'm blessed," or "I'm fighting the fight." And you know he means what he's saying. He's not just saying it out of habit. Talk to him for a few minutes and you will see just how focused he is. He loves Jesus and it is so incredibly apparent. It's refreshing.
So I suppose part of my problem is that I'm not trying hard enough to find those people who are like-minded and want the same thing I do. Or when I do find them, I'm not initiating anything. I'm not trying to make that connection. I want it so bad right now, though. I need it. I've been doing things on my own lately and it's just not enough. It's kind of like I've only been drinking lemonade. It quenches my thirst for awhile, but in reality it just makes me even more thirsty.
'Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.'
[Proverbs 3:13-18]
......
Ch. 262, Part Two:
Please note that I am speaking about a minority of the school's population. I also admit that I can be quite the hypocrite, so I'm not putting blame on anyone for my disappointment (for lack of a better word). There are always going to be things we can work on. Nobody's perfect. And I certainly don't know people's hearts. This has simply been on my mind lately and I thought I'd get it out there.
Deciding to come to this school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. However, it was also one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I really do. But sometimes I just want to wake these people up and ask what is wrong with them! Do classes really take so much of their time and attention (both faith-wise and non-faith-wise) that they can't spend some time out of class in discussion, [Bible] study, etc.? Other than in class and chapel, neither God nor the Bible is ever topical. Neither come up in daily conversation. You ask someone how they are and all they respond with is, "I'm tired." Where is your joy? There is a young man on this campus who is different, though. You ask him how he's doing, you'll hear something along the lines of, "I'm blessed," or "I'm fighting the fight." And you know he means what he's saying. He's not just saying it out of habit. Talk to him for a few minutes and you will see just how focused he is. He loves Jesus and it is so incredibly apparent. It's refreshing.
So I suppose part of my problem is that I'm not trying hard enough to find those people who are like-minded and want the same thing I do. Or when I do find them, I'm not initiating anything. I'm not trying to make that connection. I want it so bad right now, though. I need it. I've been doing things on my own lately and it's just not enough. It's kind of like I've only been drinking lemonade. It quenches my thirst for awhile, but in reality it just makes me even more thirsty.
'Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.'
[Proverbs 3:13-18]
......
Ch. 262, Part Two:
Please note that I am speaking about a minority of the school's population. I also admit that I can be quite the hypocrite, so I'm not putting blame on anyone for my disappointment (for lack of a better word). There are always going to be things we can work on. Nobody's perfect. And I certainly don't know people's hearts. This has simply been on my mind lately and I thought I'd get it out there.
November 12, 2008
Ch. 243 - Safely Searching
I am hungry for God. It's not that I haven't eaten anything for some time and that's why I'm hungry... it's like I'm never full. And I just want as much as possible. Not to simply hold me off for awhile, but to make me feel more than completely satiated. I don't know exactly what will give me that feeling of fullness. I don't know what I need - or what I even want. But I want something.
I want something more.
The thing is, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I don't want to start looking for something, find it, and then get so caught up in it that I actually find myself falling away from God [as opposed to growing closer to Him]. For example, this past spring I was looking for something more. I thought I had found it - found something that had all the answers and was just the thing for me. But I went about everything in a very unsafe way, which was completely dropping a lot that was actually very dear to me. People. God's word. Places, meetings. All for that sense of closeness. Satisfaction. Knowledge. Truth. However, I have since realized that in doing so, I actually gave up these things. And I ended up paying the price. I still am a little bit, in fact, but for the most part I have peace about it all. I am blessed to have a God who loves unconditionally, who saved my heart through the whole ordeal so that I could turn back to Him and still have life in His Son.
But I have certainly learned my lesson. And that's why I'm saying that I want to safely go about searching for... whatever it is that's on my heart - because I don't even know what it is yet. Isn't that strange? I'm sure I'll find it eventually. I think it's simply something along the lines of being challenged. I know I've mentioned this before, but I have yet to feel truly challenged in my faith. So hopefully there will be a bit of progress in regards to this sometime soon.
If anything, I will search for God.
Seek Him.
Wait for Him.
God is good.
'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will you give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him...'
[Psalm 37:4-5]
I want something more.
The thing is, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I don't want to start looking for something, find it, and then get so caught up in it that I actually find myself falling away from God [as opposed to growing closer to Him]. For example, this past spring I was looking for something more. I thought I had found it - found something that had all the answers and was just the thing for me. But I went about everything in a very unsafe way, which was completely dropping a lot that was actually very dear to me. People. God's word. Places, meetings. All for that sense of closeness. Satisfaction. Knowledge. Truth. However, I have since realized that in doing so, I actually gave up these things. And I ended up paying the price. I still am a little bit, in fact, but for the most part I have peace about it all. I am blessed to have a God who loves unconditionally, who saved my heart through the whole ordeal so that I could turn back to Him and still have life in His Son.
But I have certainly learned my lesson. And that's why I'm saying that I want to safely go about searching for... whatever it is that's on my heart - because I don't even know what it is yet. Isn't that strange? I'm sure I'll find it eventually. I think it's simply something along the lines of being challenged. I know I've mentioned this before, but I have yet to feel truly challenged in my faith. So hopefully there will be a bit of progress in regards to this sometime soon.
If anything, I will search for God.
Seek Him.
Wait for Him.
God is good.
'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will you give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him...'
[Psalm 37:4-5]
October 15, 2008
Ch. 219 - I Am Hungry
I'm not going to lie: throughout fall break, I couldn't wait to get back to Central. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I really enjoyed being home for a few days. But I wanted to dive back into classes and assignments and - dare I say - papers, quizzes and even tests. Go ahead and say it - I do every day: I'm a freak.
I suppose that's one way you could know you're in the right place and that you're doing something you love and what God wants you to be doing for now...
I am hungry for God right now. That's a good thing to be hungry for, if I may say so myself.
All I want to do is talk to Him and learn about Him and serve Him. I think the fact that I often do these things through my schooling is pretty neat.
I'm doing really well right now. Really well. And I thank God for this, because without Him I wouldn't be able to say that I'm doing really well.
'And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin..." '
[Exodus 34:6-7]
I suppose that's one way you could know you're in the right place and that you're doing something you love and what God wants you to be doing for now...
I am hungry for God right now. That's a good thing to be hungry for, if I may say so myself.
All I want to do is talk to Him and learn about Him and serve Him. I think the fact that I often do these things through my schooling is pretty neat.
I'm doing really well right now. Really well. And I thank God for this, because without Him I wouldn't be able to say that I'm doing really well.
'And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin..." '
[Exodus 34:6-7]
September 1, 2008
Ch. 180 - All of Him
God is everything to me.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
August 15, 2008
Ch. 163 - Ready for the Dive
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
July 8, 2008
Ch. 125 - Always Preparing
Oh goodness. I can't wait for school to start.
'My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.'
[Isaiah 26:9]
'My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.'
[Isaiah 26:9]
March 17, 2008
Ch. 62 - Drive Out Fear
I realized something today.
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
January 17, 2008
Ch. 1 - The Realization; 22. 12. 07
I'm starting anew once again. These past few weeks... these past couple of months, actually... have built me up and torn me down. Now I stand on level ground, humbled.
I've grown.
My goodness, how I have grown. I love how now no matter what, as life goes on, I will never stop learning. I will make more mistakes. I will cry. I will laugh. I will distance myself from Him. I will grow closer to Him. I will see the good in what has been deemed bad, and I will see the bad in what has been deemed good. I will have peace. I will have struggle.
But I am ready.
He is with me every step of the way. I want to live my life for Him. My actions, my words, my choices... may they please and glorify Him.
At this point in my life, I've come to realize that all I want is to serve Him. I can't explain it; I simply feel this beautiful, deep desire within my heart to do so. I believe it's what He wants - not only of me, but also for me.
It's as if I need to - for both of us. That's the best way I can put it.
'Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.'
[Romans 12:11]
I've grown.
My goodness, how I have grown. I love how now no matter what, as life goes on, I will never stop learning. I will make more mistakes. I will cry. I will laugh. I will distance myself from Him. I will grow closer to Him. I will see the good in what has been deemed bad, and I will see the bad in what has been deemed good. I will have peace. I will have struggle.
But I am ready.
He is with me every step of the way. I want to live my life for Him. My actions, my words, my choices... may they please and glorify Him.
At this point in my life, I've come to realize that all I want is to serve Him. I can't explain it; I simply feel this beautiful, deep desire within my heart to do so. I believe it's what He wants - not only of me, but also for me.
It's as if I need to - for both of us. That's the best way I can put it.
'Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.'
[Romans 12:11]
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