I wish I had a group of friends I know I could always fall back on. You know. "The group." I've never had that. Ever. I've always been a bouncer. I've had friends in different circles; I find myself able to hang out with a variety of different people. It's not that I'm an absolutely amazing people-person or anything. But I think I'm well-rounded enough that it's easy enough to relate to a lot of types of people, and have a wide array of similar interests.
Even so, I still desire to be part of a close-knit circle. I think part of this desire comes from looking at the model we find in the New Testament with Jesus and His twelve disciples. Why exactly He chose twelve men to be his close companions, we do not know. At least, I don't. Not too few... not too many? Representative of the twelve tribes of Israel? A number of perfection? I suppose it doesn't truly matter. I just know that I would love nothing more than to have a group of twelve [although I'd rather go with maybe eight to ten] people with whom I can learn and grow and love and be discipled.
It's important to have friends.
Basically all my life I've on-and-off felt like I don't have any friends.
There are times where that's been true.
A plain and simple truth.
Sometimes it bothers me to a greater extent than at other times.
My mom said something last night along the lines of, "It comes in cycles."
I know it's true.
But that doesn't make me like it any less.
Oh, but I forgot!
"I have a friend in God."
[I hate that song/saying. Yes, hate. I think that partly I don't like the idea of God being my friend because I know Him as my Father. And parents are not supposed to be your friend. I mean, I have great relationships with my parents. My mom and I are especially close. But that's what she is... my mom. Mutti. She is not my friend. And I am so thankful that neither she nor my dad ever tried to be "friends" with me or my siblings.]
Friendships/relationships take work.
Sometimes I just feel like there aren't any people with whom I truly desire to work on having a good friendship. That may not sound very kind. But I'm not going to put all of my heart, time, and energy into being friends with someone whom I don't even like that much, or can't see as a truly good friend.
Maybe more on this later.
Time for chapel.