Ch. 561 - Just Sayin'...

I am a daughter of God.


'Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.'
[John 1:12-13]

Ch. 560 - The Heartbreaker

I've prayed for him and I've cursed him.
I've loved him and I've hated him.
I've laughed because of him and I've cried because of him.
I've been attached to him and I've ignored him.
I died because of him, and I am living because of him.

I don't know why, but God has placed him in my life for a reason and I will never stop loving him - as a brother in Christ, and as a friend. Life is tough for him. Always has been and, most likely, always will be. This is due to a lot of circumstances that were out of his control, but it has also been due to a lot of choices that he has made over the past few years. Realizations of consequences of said choices are just now hitting him, I think. He is hurting. It's in his voice. And while I'm sure he's becoming a stronger person through it all, things are not how they should be. The biggest thing is that he's not living a life for Christ anymore. He's not God-focused. He said he prays to God in thanksgiving every day, but his relationship with Him isn't what it used to be.

He made Christ come alive for me.
I wished my faith could be like his.
True.
Honest.
Open.
Real.
A way of life.

And now he's saying he wishes his faith could be like mine.

... Wow.

It pains me to see how he's taken so many steps backwards in regards to his walk with God. I pray and pray and pray and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY... but for the most part I see or hear of nothing that makes me think it makes a difference. It's incredibly discouraging at times... that is, until I receive something such as a random text from him asking how I'm doing. Because that alone is an answer to a facet of my prayers. A question asked, a prayer request here and there, an update through a phone conversation... all these may seem prosaic and ordinary to most people, but to me they are, indeed, answers to my prayers and thus are cherished gifts that I hold dear to my heart.

But I hate the fact that all I can do is pray and ask God to speak to him through me when we do get the opportunity to talk. I just feel like I should and could be doing so much more for him - but I unfortunately know that cannot be the case.

I can't change him.
I can't soften his heart.
I can't make him do anything.

But my Lord God can do these things.

And I need to remember that.

Just because there is seemingly no evidence of progress doesn't mean that it won't happen. I need to trust God and remind myself that He works all things out for good. There is a purpose for everything. And my God is an awfully amazing God.
Patience.
Patience.
Patience.

Pray in faith.
Expect great things.


'Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.'
[Psalm 90:13-14]

Ch. 559 - Dizzy

'So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!'
[1 Corinthians 10:12]

Ch. 558 - A Renewed Excitement

Laodicea.
[NTP homework.]

A renewed excitement for school.
It's about time...

I am so blessed to be here.
It's a privilege, really.
An honor.

I am taking it for granted and wasting time.
Who am I to do such a thing?

God may be the greatest teacher, but He has allowed it so that certain members of the body of Christ are also teachers... this is a great thing.

More later...

Ch. 557 - Here and Now

'If you gotta start somewhere, why not here?
If you gotta start sometime, why not now?
...
Through the fog there is hope in the distance;
from cathedrals to third world missions,
love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave.'
[tobyMac's City On Our Knees]

I've fallen in love with this song.
It speaks truth and it is convicting.
(Check it out if you've yet to hear it!)

I'm not ready.
I'm willing...
But I'm not ready.

I'm finally realizing that's alright.
There's no rush. People are dying, and going to hell.
But I can't save them all.
I can't save a single one.
God does that.
If He's chosen them, it will happen -
whether God uses me or not, it will happen.

It's not about me.

He will use me wherever and whenever He wants.
I need to develop the abilities and gifts He has given me.
... Although I suppose it'd be a good thing to first identify those abilities and gifts before I attempt to develop them... Ha.

There's so much to do right here, right now.
It's easy to want to overlook that.
No more.


'Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.'
[Galatians 6:9]

Ch. 556 - Seeking Together

'After this, the Moabites and Ammonites with some of the Meunites came to make war on Jehoshaphat. ... Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the LORD, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him.'
[2 Chronicles 20:1,3-4]

Ch. 555 - The Recovery

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if I've become a different person. I can't decide whether I like it or not. Because while I do believe I've changed for the better, I can't completely tell if it's because I've turned to God and finally let Him show me who He truly created me to be, or if I'm simply putting on a mask of someone whom I'd like to be. Now, it is of my own desire, my own choice to take each day with a positive attitude and a cheerful disposition. For example, I begin most days by praying to God for exactly that - and I think it does help me get started on the right foot. And I seem to notice a difference when I don't pray first thing or include that desire in my prayers.

So, in summary:
I pray, I'm good to go.
I've been happier.
I attempt to draw closer to God.

However...

I'm not completely focusing on God throughout my days. And while I do believe that He is the source of my joy, I've come to realize that it is a joy shared with other people. By that I mean my joy is not fully found in God. And thus I find myself turning to my friends as much as, if not more than God.

I don't like that.

Granted, I don't believe it's necessarily a bad thing to receive joy in spending time with others or learning about people. "Fellowship." Right...

But here's the thing:
I said I 'attempt' to draw closer to God.
I feel like I've lost the fire I had a few weeks ago.
I know what's changed. And that's good.
"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."
I need to turn around.
Walk back a few steps.
Find a balance.
It will make things so much better, I think.

I am continually amazed by the fact that our God is consistent.
Man is incredibly inconsistent. Unstable.
Ruled by fear.
Ruled by desires.
Fear God.
Turn away.


'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'
[Psalm 73:26]

Ch. 554 - More

'Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.
[Philemon 1:7]'

Ch. 553 - Justified by Grace

'But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.'
[Romans 3:21-24]

Ch. 552 - Life through Death

'The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" '
[John 1:29]

Sacrifice may be the taking away of life.

Jesus the Christ was a sacrifice.

So in and through Him, sacrifice has given life to many.

What a blessing.


'... and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood...'
[Revelation 1:5]

Ch. 551 - A Lamp

'Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.'
[Psalm 119:105]

Ch. 550 - By His Spirit

'He said to me, "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty." '
[Zechariah 4:6]

Ch. 549 - A Love Story

God is in the stars.
God is in the timber.

Can you see Him?

He is loving.
He is comforting.

Can you feel Him?

God roars.
God whispers.

Can you hear Him?

Be still and know.

No running.
No turning.

He surrounds us.

Are you glad?


'Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise
him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-
stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
play skilfully, and shout for joy.

For the word of the Lord is right and
true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and
justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.'
[Psalm 33:1-5]

Ch. 548 - First and Foremost

In John 17:26 Jesus prays, ' "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." '

I have come to believe and trust that it is God's desire to continually be in fellowship and communion with us.

So why don't we allow time in our day-to-day lives to let this happen?
Are we afraid of growing too close to God?

"Jesus freaks."

What holds us back?
Do we truly and wholeheartedly desire the same thing(s) as God?

The chorus of the song Where We Belong says,
'We run to Your throne, where we belong.
Every heart will sing that Jesus is Lord.
Casting all else aside, for the joy of our Christ.
Let Your glory fall, our hearts are filled with Your fire.'

This is what I desire so greatly - and not merely for myself, but for others, as well. I think when we finally realize how greatly a relationship with God should take precedence in our lives, and attempt to stand before Him with a pure heart, it will happen.

God's will, not mine.

Ch. 547 - "If"

' "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." '
[2 Chronicles 7:14]

Ch. 546 - Rest and Salvation

'My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.'
[Psalm 62:1]

Ch. 545 - The Night Before

A devotional for the day that I received in my email. It's beautifully gripping.

The Healing Choices Jesus Made for You

'Read this as a prayer:

On the night before you died, you prayed for me, that I would be as close as a heartbeat to the Father (John 17:22).

On the night before you died, you called me friend, no longer a servant, because you'd taught me everything the Father taught you (John 15:15). On the night before you died, you came to me with bloody sweat dripping down your face and arms because you'd stared straight into the future with eyes wide open at the truth, while I hid behind the covers of my deep, denial sleep.

On the night before you died, you shook me and seemed to ask, "Can't you watch with me? Come beside me, friend, and wait the time with me" (Matthew 26:40, author paraphrase).

On the night before you died, I saw a man intimate with sorrow, but also the Word become man, "the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14 NIV).

On the night before you died, you understood my struggle, but never demanded that I understand yours. You whispered, "I know how it is, brother, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (based on Matthew 26:41 NIV).

On the night before you died, I saw you, friend, so full of sorrow, yet, on that night you proved to be the better friend, still the teacher, still the brother, still thinking of me above all your own needs, the Lamb of God on mission to redeem faulty friends, like me.'

Ch. 544 - Something Greater

'The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." '
[1 Kings 3:23-27]

Sacrificial love breaks the system.

Ch. 543 - Drinking the Cup

We need to be willing to accept - and even embrace - everything God hands to us... both the good and that which we deem to be "bad".

It's easy to dwell and focus on the negative, rather than the positive.
I know I've said that before, but it seems that it's becoming all the more apparent how important it is to seek out those positive aspects in life.

Turn to the Light.
Turn to what is good.

God gives us hardships for a reason.
I don't think we should be asking ourselves why He has done so when they appear. Rather, we should ask, "How can I turn this around so that glory is given to God?"


'... "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" '
[John 18:11]

Ch. 542 - Jumpstart

I've come to a fork in the road.

There are three options.

I can stand still, looking back and forth between the two paths.
Indecisive? Or unconcerned?
I can meander down one path, which loops back around to where I am.
It is never-ending, yet also never-changing.
Or I can run down the other path, which zigs and zags and twists and turns. Uncertainty is an absolute, but so is the excitement of a new adventure.

Lord God, counsel and guide me.


'The heavens are yours, and yours also
the earth;
you founded the world and all that is
in it.'
[Psalm 89:11]

Ch. 541 - Victory in Christ

'The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.'
[1 Corinthians 15:56-58]

Ch. 540 - Communion

'Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.'
[1 Corinthians 11:27-29]

Ch. 539 - Showing Your Heart

I feel that I never give my best to anyone.
Including God.

That is a difficult realization. It pains me to admit it. Yet I can only imagine the hurt that God feels, because He created me and knows what I am capable of. And while He knows me even better than I do, I certainly know that I could be giving so much more to not only God, but people as well.

I was talking to a friend tonight and mentioned that even though it may seem a bit prideful, I believe I have a big heart. I added that however, I tend to pick and choose the people I want to share it with. And that's not fair. It's easy to let most people only have a glimpse, and then let a select few see it wholly. I believe I have the right to choose whom I want to give my heart to. But God created us to be the body of Christ. I should thus allow people to know my heart. I think by knowing fellow believer's hearts, it's beneficial to one another in figuring out how we can work together and use our God-given gifts and abilities to further His Kingdom.

But how often do we do that? A friend once told me that we can see people's hearts through their words and actions. And while I agree, I think that we have to be careful in our perceptions... because unfortunately, we are a deceitful people. We don't always mean to deceive, at least not to hurt people, but it happens. A lot of times it's for protection of self. And sometimes, I think we honestly don't know that we're deceiving, or tricking others, because it has become second nature to us. The mind is powerful. I mean, if you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it's not a lie.

... So even when we think we're letting people know us, letting people know our hearts, it's completely untrue.

I'm not trying to preach to the choir in these posts.
I use "we" and "us" a lot of the time, which means I simply include myself with those whom I am talking to, but my thoughts are usually in first-person. Going off of what I said a couple days ago, I am often talking to myself when I write.
I am inflicted with sin.
I am not blameless.
I am imperfect.
I tend to see and point out my weaknesses and inabilities before I think about my strengths and abilities. So it's easy to want to put up those walls, so that other people don't know about me. And then, when I do reflect and try to focus on those strengths and abilities, it's difficult to let those walls down and let people in.

Man.
Everything's a ridiculous cycle with me.
For example:
I tend to believe that I don't like myself.
So I put up walls, hoping people won't come to know me.
Then I become sad that I'm not close with people.
So I put up façades, thinking people can't tell anything's wrong.
Then I become upset because nobody knows what's going on with me.
So I put on masks, trying to fool people into thinking everything's fine.
Then I realize I'm not being me, and again believe that I don't like myself.

But then I start thinking, 'Well... do I even truly know who I am?'
Do I really know the young woman God created me to be?
Who is that?
What should my heart truly look like?
What should my life look like?

Part of the chorus of the song Faithful Father by Sarah Kelly says:
'Faithful Father I surrender all to You.
All my love and my devotion, all to You.'

Easy to memorize and sing.
Difficult to truly mean and apply.

Do we - no - do I truly surrender all to my God? Do I give Him all my love and devotion?

......

This week we were challenged to live each day with the intent of standing before God with a pure heart. I love that. It's a beautiful challenge. But how can I attempt to do so if I'm not even giving my best to God right now? And yes, He knows my heart and can see it for Himself... but how can I attempt to stand before Him with a pure heart if I'm not even willing to "show" Him my heart in the first place? Having a big heart, potential, and room to grow won't do anything for me if I'm not willing to share it with other people and my Lord God.


'Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.'
[Psalm 24:3-4]

Ch. 538 - Fix Your Thoughts

'Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.'
[Hebrews 3:1]

Holy.
Heavenly calling.

Do we live as if these things are true?

Ch. 537 - Uncertainty

'How beautiful are the feet.'
'Go, make disciples.'
'Send me.'

It's Missions Emphasis Week at Central Christian College of the Bible.

So a lot is going on.
And it's really great.

God is working on people's hearts, etc.
His Spirit is moving.
Hallelujah - let it be so, again and again.

Prayers are being answered.
Including some of my own.

But...

[There's always a but, isn't there?]

I'm worried.

Are people serious?
How greatly are they being moved?
Where are their hearts in all this?
Do they truly desire to stand before God with a pure heart?
Will they even strive to do so?

......

I'm talking to myself.
I need faith.


'Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
[Psalm 86:4-5]

Ch. 536 - Conviction

If I don't do anything about "it" right now, how much more likely am I to do anything in the future?


' "And the gospel must first be preached to all nations." '
[Mark 13:10]

Ch. 535 - A Pet Peeve

I can't stand it when people don't make requests or say prayers in Jesus' name.

' "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." '
[John 14:13-14]

Maybe I don't fully understand these verses... but it seems to me that Jesus is saying we need to do what I mentioned above in His name... ? Yes, Jesus came to die for us. We can have eternal life because of the grace of God. But this life offered to us was not the only gift given to us by God; Jesus Himself was Life, a gift! He was an example. The perfect example. He was called Teacher. Teachers are examples for their students. Students are to obey their teachers. Now in His dying, Jesus became a Mediator for men to His Father. We can talk to God and ask things of Him and have a true relationship with Him, praise be!

Jesus did so much for us. We shouldn't take anything given us for granted. So heed His words! If He says to do something, do it! Don't ignore it and think that you can get away with not fully following part of His teaching because you start with "Dear God" and at least end with an "Aaamen!"

Ch. 534 - Shame, Disgrace - Replaced

'Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.'
[Isaiah 61:7]

Ch. 533 - He Pardons and Delights

'Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.'
[Micah 7:18]

What if we delighted in showing mercy?

The world be a different place, I think.

Ch. 532 - Shouts of... ?

To the loud and obnoxious group of girls sitting right outside my door, I dedicate this haiku:

I like sleep a lot.
Obviously you do not.
Your death I will plot.

A bit harsh, I know.

But there's a reason why I requested a single and was thus moved to Foundation... I can't catch a break, I guess. With roommates or without, I have come to the conclusion that I simply am not "supposed" to have a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

Booooo.

It just makes me think about how greatly I can't wait to be Home. After the fact that I'll get to be in full and complete fellowship with my Lord God, I appreciate the [assumed] fact that I won't need to sleep. The exclamations and praise that will be ringing throughout the heaven and throne room of God will be music to many ears, including my own... unlike the shouting and laughter that is ringing throughout the hallway and seeping like poisonous gas into my room.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against [happy] shouting and laughter. In fact, I encourage it. But not after quiet hours. Come on, ladies. It'd be one thing if you were worshiping God by singing songs or praying together, but you're not. That would be music to my ears... I would even join you. And I am an absolute advocate of fellowship. But really? I mean, really? Fellowship with a sense of common courtesy is preferred between the hours of midnight and two:thirty in the morning.

If only I weren't so darn non-confrontational.
... Next time.
And if that doesn't work, I'll take it to the next level.

It just goes to show that God is continuing to teach me patience, even though I have so much more than I used to. Beautiful. There is good in all situations.


'This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.'
[Psalm 118:24]

This is the day, indeed... and we actually should be rejoicing at all times - no matter the hour or situation.
Amen?
Amen.
Praise God!

Ch. 531 - Forgiving Grievances

'Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as you the Lord forgave you.'
[Colossians 3:13]

Easier said than done?
Absolutely.

Does that mean that you shouldn't strive to do so?
Absolutely not.