Ch. 765 - Growth Spurts

There are a lot of things I could talk about.
There are even more that I could write about... Does that make sense?

Islam.

Nomads.
Church.

Plans.
Fears.
Dreams.

Joys.
Likes.
Concerns.
Dislikes.

Hates.
Complaints.
Annoyances.
Irritations.
Aggravations.

Real...ness.
Happiness.
Brokenness.
Forgiveness.
Thankfulness.
Lovingkindness.

God.
Jesus.
Spirit.
Family.
Friends.
Teachers.
Students.

Home.
Iowa.
Utah.
Moberly.
Alabama.
Missouri.
Overseas.
Romania.

Hopes.
Wants.
Needs.
Strengths.
Weaknesses.
Indifference.
Abilities.
Challenges.

Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.

... Sometimes that's all I want to talk/write about.
I mean, sure - this is my story.
I could technically say/write whatever I want.

And yet, I don't.
Not truly.
Not fully.

Because I think that what I mean is I would speak of those... negative... aspects of "me". All of those things - topics - that I listed do pertain to me in some way. I could write about all of them regarding how they affect me, what I think about them, what they are, what they mean to me, etc... And some of those things most certainly do or would have a negative spin to them, I feel. I am sure I would have something positive to say about each. But really, overall, the tone would be negative.

So... is that so terrible?
Desiring to focus on "ME" to an even greater extent?

Doing so could, quite possibly - quite easily, really - lead to direct disobedience regarding the two greatest commandments that my Lord God gave me, I believe. Especially when that desire comes to fruition in actually talking with [more like at] others - regardless of whether they are believers and I think they can "handle" that which I find myself just thoughtlessly spewing out.

It's not that I would... come to love myself more than I currently do. At least I don't think so. But the focus on God and others would not be as great as it should be. I find it easy to see how my love for each would become diluted. I think it is awfully difficult to love others as you love yourself when all you care about is self and talking of or about self.

I don't know where it comes from.
I mean, I suppose I do.
I may have Christ.
I may have the indwelling Spirit.
But I still have flesh.
Man is man.
And man is selfish.
Pitiful.
Prideful.
Pathetic.

[Even so, God is the Father - Creator - of man. And thus, these... characteristics... are canceled out by His love, grace, and mercy.]

Perhaps I simply haven't fully come to embrace the fact that I do have people I can talk WITH [not at], realizing that over time we will learn about one another and come to love one another for who we are... made in the image of God... attempting to become more and more Christlike. I appreciate the fact that this can and does happen in a variety of settings. People are relational regardless of where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with - whether they realize it or not. Point of the matter is, if you are willing to invest time and energy into others, it will be reciprocated.

Perhaps I am afraid of coming to realize something about myself that I don't want to know. Because, chances are, it would not be pleasant and I know that God would need to work on me. Ouch. And yet, how good that is. I think that by going deeper and just getting things out there with others is good. Blank pages of a journal only offer so much comfort. Ink and lead run out eventually. New journals must be bought. And forget about personal insight and feedback. You can make the journal covers flap as if they are lips for as long as you'd like - but at the end of the day, you won't have heard a single word come from them. The same can be said about an empty HTML box on a blogging site. Start, stop, start, stop... delete this, edit that. Distractions abound. Granted, the hum of the fan offers a familiar comfort, as does the dim glow of the screen in a darkening room. Millions of resources for extra help, advice, suggestions, musings, and additional words are at your fingertips... but what does all that truly matter? What does that say about you?

Oh, how I am growing.
[And I am certainly thankful that my shoe size will stay the same.]

I think I'm going to begin a series of reflections on each of those things I listed at the beginning of this post. I may or may not post them on my other blog.