Ohhh boy. Dreams.
And I'm not talking about dreams that occur during sleep, just a heads up.
[Perhaps another day.]
This is also not a post for encouraging you to "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!" and "SHOOT FOR THE STARS!" I mean, that's great and everything. Sure, go for it - whatever "it" may be. But this is really just a matter-of-fact type of post. And it's all about me. Me, me, me: the way it should be [mmm, sarcasm... well, sort of].
I suppose I could say that I have a few dreams... a multitude, actually, if I were to interchange the word "dream" with "desire". I desire many things - some more deeply than others. And it is those deep desires that I more fully believe are God's desires for my life, which He has placed within my heart. I'm going to keep it fairly short and sweet, though, and only bring up a few of these dreams/desires/whatever.
Well, dreams... as with fears, I know I have written about dreams in the past. They specifically had to do with ministry outreach to Muslims and Mormons. I feel that a few things have changed in regards to working with Muslims but I don't believe it is God's will for me to do outreach to Mormons. At least not in the foreseeable future. And that's okay. Now, with the Muslim ministry... I don't feel that it is absolutely necessary to go overseas for... well... "forever". I've been thinking about that a lot the past few months. Part of me feels that doing so would hold me back, in a way. And there's just so much I want to do... and a lot of it I don't want to do overseas. So we'll see how things develop here in the semi-near future.
There are some... traditional, you could say... dreams that I have, alongside dreams of serving God and His kingdom. For example, I dream of one day having a husband. A husband who also desires to have a God-centered relationship. A husband who can lead. A husband who is willing to make mistakes, learning from them [because we all know he will make them]. A husband who can help me, but firstly whom I can help. A husband who is thoughtful and caring of others. And, naturally, I dream of having children. Yeah, yeah... I know: "typical woman"... for the most part. I dream of having children who come to love God as I do. Children who fear Him, as well. Children who have good [Southern!] manners. Children who obey. Children who seek the approval of God over that of man. Children who are honest, who understand the importance of morals and values.
[On a less serious note, I also dream of the day that I can finally say that I am not an indecisive person... oh Lord my God, let that day come soon!]
Recently I have realized that a dream of mine - a strong desire, truly - stems from the concept and practice of discipleship. Discipling young women, more specifically [even though I do want to be able to work with kids in general, girls and boys alike]. I have had the opportunity to disciple girls only a few times, but I have cherished those chapters of my life dearly. I feel very strongly about discipleship, and wish that others would, too. It is so important in our journeys to have people we can trust whom we know are willing to teach and guide us... pray with us... give advice... mentor us... help us grow in our faiths, and grow as people in general.
There's so much more. Meaningful things and trivial things - but regardless of their supposed level of importance, they are all unique and special to me because they are part of me. And God has created all parts of me - dreams and desires alike - in a manner that makes me unique and special to Him. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. Wow. All blessing, honor, power, and glory belong to Him.
Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts
January 20, 2011
January 18, 2011
Ch. 770 - The List: Fears
I have written about fear multiple times in the past. I actually did a search on my blog and the word "fear" came up in 32 posts. Granted, some of those were only in Bible verses, and I may have not actually written about fear... but still.
However, it doesn't matter - especially seeing how fears themselves can change over time. And I feel that mine have. I used to say that I had no fear, other than the fear of God [see Ch. 145 - duly titled 'Fear']. I've also mentioned the fear of man, and the fear of complacency. My biggest fear at one point in time was that of losing God. It happened. But for a reason - and it never will again.
It saddens me that so many people's lives seem to be controlled by their fears. There are approximately 500 indexed phobias... but a phobia is simply a fear. There could be "_______phobia" for anything and everything, technically. The possibilities are endless. But truly, I feel that some people allow their fears to take over... and that's not right. It's not fair to them. But until they realize that whatever they fear can only do so much... those phobias will continue to reign over them.
What is the worst that can happen? Illness? Loss of things or people? Death? These things matter not, if you know that which should truly reign over your life, God. The fear of God displaces all other fears, in my opinion. And if you fear God, if you revere Him, you love Him. And if you love Him, you fear Him. Nothing can touch you when you have these things. I mean, illness will run its course. Both material items and people come and go. Death brings you home.
I feel that currently, I have a variety of petty fears. The Triple-S-Threat... Sharks. Snakes. Spiders. Walking across streets/parking lots. And even of these I suppose I could say that really, I just dislike them intensely rather than truly fear them. Other than that fear of God that I mentioned, I feel like there is nothing that weighs heavy on my heart as a "fear". Which is good. And I am glad there are no fears that control [even a portion of] my life.
... I thank God for that.
However, it doesn't matter - especially seeing how fears themselves can change over time. And I feel that mine have. I used to say that I had no fear, other than the fear of God [see Ch. 145 - duly titled 'Fear']. I've also mentioned the fear of man, and the fear of complacency. My biggest fear at one point in time was that of losing God. It happened. But for a reason - and it never will again.
It saddens me that so many people's lives seem to be controlled by their fears. There are approximately 500 indexed phobias... but a phobia is simply a fear. There could be "_______phobia" for anything and everything, technically. The possibilities are endless. But truly, I feel that some people allow their fears to take over... and that's not right. It's not fair to them. But until they realize that whatever they fear can only do so much... those phobias will continue to reign over them.
What is the worst that can happen? Illness? Loss of things or people? Death? These things matter not, if you know that which should truly reign over your life, God. The fear of God displaces all other fears, in my opinion. And if you fear God, if you revere Him, you love Him. And if you love Him, you fear Him. Nothing can touch you when you have these things. I mean, illness will run its course. Both material items and people come and go. Death brings you home.
I feel that currently, I have a variety of petty fears. The Triple-S-Threat... Sharks. Snakes. Spiders. Walking across streets/parking lots. And even of these I suppose I could say that really, I just dislike them intensely rather than truly fear them. Other than that fear of God that I mentioned, I feel like there is nothing that weighs heavy on my heart as a "fear". Which is good. And I am glad there are no fears that control [even a portion of] my life.
... I thank God for that.
January 15, 2011
Ch. 769 - The List: Plans
I find it interesting that we "plan" in such a variety of ways. There are things that we plan to do - and there are things that we do not plan to do, and yet happen anyway. There are blue-print plans, and flight plans. There are activity plans, and pension plans. There are plans made to achieve and succeed, and there are plans made to ruin and destroy. Designing. Projecting. Intending. All part of the planning process.
I feel that most often, we plan for ourselves - both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes we have a very specific goal or aim in mind, and plan accordingly. Other times we have a deep desire or need, without even realizing what they are, and yet the paths we traverse are centered around fulfilling or obtaining said desire or need. Westerners especially plan for themselves, I think. Always trying to get ahead, and then stay ahead, of others. We make these lofty plans because of what our culture and media tell us are important: wealth, power, success... and we will do anything and everything to "make it".
Planning... I do love thee.
But I have, to a great extent, given up on you.
You're just no good for me, it seems.
You let me down, time and time again.
How many plans have I created? How many plans have seemed to rule my life? How often has my reliance on plans gotten in the way of truly living? And how often has God had to remind me that it is HIS plan that truly matters the most?
Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that we absolutely, positively cannot plan. For one thing, I think I would go crazy if doing so was not allowed. I am a planner. Simple and true. But "planning" does not define me, nor my life. Not anymore, that is. It certainly used to; God took care of that [see Chapter 8]. I talk about planning a lot, I feel. It really is a big deal to me. Thus, I am so glad that quite some time ago I came to the beautiful realization that God has done enough planning for me... I needn't worry. Or stress. Or be fearful, anxious. And I feel that we do need to make plans to an extent - make plans so that we can follow His plan. We should not, however, be surprised if/when God tweaks our plans. His will be done. If our plans do not fit His will, then, well... He'll help and guide you. That's all. He is in control. He holds us in His hands. And He desires the very best for each and every one of us. What a calming, reassuring thought. God the Provider, God the Creator, God the Planner - He loves you. So seek Him. Trust Him. And obey Him.
I feel that most often, we plan for ourselves - both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes we have a very specific goal or aim in mind, and plan accordingly. Other times we have a deep desire or need, without even realizing what they are, and yet the paths we traverse are centered around fulfilling or obtaining said desire or need. Westerners especially plan for themselves, I think. Always trying to get ahead, and then stay ahead, of others. We make these lofty plans because of what our culture and media tell us are important: wealth, power, success... and we will do anything and everything to "make it".
Planning... I do love thee.
But I have, to a great extent, given up on you.
You're just no good for me, it seems.
You let me down, time and time again.
How many plans have I created? How many plans have seemed to rule my life? How often has my reliance on plans gotten in the way of truly living? And how often has God had to remind me that it is HIS plan that truly matters the most?
Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that we absolutely, positively cannot plan. For one thing, I think I would go crazy if doing so was not allowed. I am a planner. Simple and true. But "planning" does not define me, nor my life. Not anymore, that is. It certainly used to; God took care of that [see Chapter 8]. I talk about planning a lot, I feel. It really is a big deal to me. Thus, I am so glad that quite some time ago I came to the beautiful realization that God has done enough planning for me... I needn't worry. Or stress. Or be fearful, anxious. And I feel that we do need to make plans to an extent - make plans so that we can follow His plan. We should not, however, be surprised if/when God tweaks our plans. His will be done. If our plans do not fit His will, then, well... He'll help and guide you. That's all. He is in control. He holds us in His hands. And He desires the very best for each and every one of us. What a calming, reassuring thought. God the Provider, God the Creator, God the Planner - He loves you. So seek Him. Trust Him. And obey Him.
January 10, 2011
Ch. 768: The List - Church
Church.
Church... hm.
Church.
It is difficult to know how to begin. For "church" fills my mind with a multitude of thoughts, all very different from one another. Yet at the same time, they are somewhat complementary to one another. Indeed, "church" has a variety of meanings. At times that knowledge... well... irritates me. Thus, I have a great desire to inform people of those different meanings, because some people do only have a singular view of what "church" is. And truly, their ideas may be somewhat wrong. Now, we can try and change the word around to better describe what "it" is, but I don't think that's very productive. In the end, people are going to continue to use the word "church" the way they see fit to do so.
Church.
It's a building.
Church.
It's a service.
Church.
It's the body of Christ.
I would say my first two layman definitions are both true and false. That is why I go so far as to say some people's ideas as to what church is may be wrong.
Is church a building? No, not really. But people have, over time, continuously said, "We are going over to the church!" to let it be known where they are going. Granted, some may say "church building" rather than merely the church. Truly, the same meaning is implied. To many, "church" is but an architectural structure, and nothing more.
Is church a service? Again, not quite. Oh, but, "We go to church each week." I suppose this is more appropriate than calling a building the church. I mean, by going to church, we gather in order to be edified and praise God. But church is more than a weekly worship service. It is more than something to be placed on a timeline, letting us know when to assemble.
And so we come to the last definition. "Church" is the body of Christ. This is unswervingly true. There is no way around it. It is nothing more, nothing less. It cannot mean anything other than that. It is not used as an explanation for something created by man. The Church is a body of believers, united by the blood of Christ. We are called to serve. We are called to love. Teach. Disciple. Just as children are to obey their mother and father, so too are we to obey our Father God. For the Church is a family. A community. It is more awesome and beautiful than any cathedral ever constructed, and more powerful and Spirit-filled than any worship service conducted. And I am more thankful for the body of Christ than I ever have been before.
......
Ch. 768, Part Two:
A story.
Yesterday I went to... a time of gathering for prayer, music, and teaching... in a building that used to be a bar... okay, just kidding. See what I mean, though? Anyway, when I went to "church" I experienced one of those moments where God seems to say, "Natalie, listen. Look. Pay attention!" I did exactly that, actually. Towards the end of the service we were singing songs of praise to our Lord God. At one point we were told by the pastor to close our eyes and just think about the Father and His love for us. His role as a Comforter. As a Provider. As the congregation did so, the children returned from Sunday school. Their running feet created a wondrous sound as they came into the room. Some feet made little more than a "pitter-pat" on the carpeted floor, while others made a resounding "clomp, clomp, clomp" as they raced back to their seats. I couldn't help but smile and let out a soft laugh. When the footsteps lessened and the music began to pick back up, I opened my eyes. A man sitting in front of me was looking to a back corner of the room. I allowed myself to follow his gaze and saw one of the small boys he had brought with him that morning, standing in the back. The man then smiled widely and opened his arms. The boy ran to him and was enveloped by the man's arms. Oh, what a beautiful sight. I could - can - easily imagine myself in that young boy's shoes, running into the arms of my heavenly Father. I was suddenly filled with a feeling and thoughts of magnificent love. Oh, how I am blessed.
Church... hm.
Church.
It is difficult to know how to begin. For "church" fills my mind with a multitude of thoughts, all very different from one another. Yet at the same time, they are somewhat complementary to one another. Indeed, "church" has a variety of meanings. At times that knowledge... well... irritates me. Thus, I have a great desire to inform people of those different meanings, because some people do only have a singular view of what "church" is. And truly, their ideas may be somewhat wrong. Now, we can try and change the word around to better describe what "it" is, but I don't think that's very productive. In the end, people are going to continue to use the word "church" the way they see fit to do so.
Church.
It's a building.
Church.
It's a service.
Church.
It's the body of Christ.
I would say my first two layman definitions are both true and false. That is why I go so far as to say some people's ideas as to what church is may be wrong.
Is church a building? No, not really. But people have, over time, continuously said, "We are going over to the church!" to let it be known where they are going. Granted, some may say "church building" rather than merely the church. Truly, the same meaning is implied. To many, "church" is but an architectural structure, and nothing more.
Is church a service? Again, not quite. Oh, but, "We go to church each week." I suppose this is more appropriate than calling a building the church. I mean, by going to church, we gather in order to be edified and praise God. But church is more than a weekly worship service. It is more than something to be placed on a timeline, letting us know when to assemble.
And so we come to the last definition. "Church" is the body of Christ. This is unswervingly true. There is no way around it. It is nothing more, nothing less. It cannot mean anything other than that. It is not used as an explanation for something created by man. The Church is a body of believers, united by the blood of Christ. We are called to serve. We are called to love. Teach. Disciple. Just as children are to obey their mother and father, so too are we to obey our Father God. For the Church is a family. A community. It is more awesome and beautiful than any cathedral ever constructed, and more powerful and Spirit-filled than any worship service conducted. And I am more thankful for the body of Christ than I ever have been before.
......
Ch. 768, Part Two:
A story.
Yesterday I went to... a time of gathering for prayer, music, and teaching... in a building that used to be a bar... okay, just kidding. See what I mean, though? Anyway, when I went to "church" I experienced one of those moments where God seems to say, "Natalie, listen. Look. Pay attention!" I did exactly that, actually. Towards the end of the service we were singing songs of praise to our Lord God. At one point we were told by the pastor to close our eyes and just think about the Father and His love for us. His role as a Comforter. As a Provider. As the congregation did so, the children returned from Sunday school. Their running feet created a wondrous sound as they came into the room. Some feet made little more than a "pitter-pat" on the carpeted floor, while others made a resounding "clomp, clomp, clomp" as they raced back to their seats. I couldn't help but smile and let out a soft laugh. When the footsteps lessened and the music began to pick back up, I opened my eyes. A man sitting in front of me was looking to a back corner of the room. I allowed myself to follow his gaze and saw one of the small boys he had brought with him that morning, standing in the back. The man then smiled widely and opened his arms. The boy ran to him and was enveloped by the man's arms. Oh, what a beautiful sight. I could - can - easily imagine myself in that young boy's shoes, running into the arms of my heavenly Father. I was suddenly filled with a feeling and thoughts of magnificent love. Oh, how I am blessed.
January 5, 2011
Ch. 767 - The List: Nomads
I can only imagine how many people have ever chosen to describe themselves as living with a nomadic heart. I know that I have, many a time. I believe it to be true. I don't enjoy staying in one particular place for an extended period of time. There is so much to see, hear, smell, do... This world is too big, its people too many, and its experiences too vast to simply stay in one place for all of one's life. Granted, I do realize that some people do have that desire to simply stay put for as long as they live. Born, raised, lived, died - all in one town. And that's great for them... but to many such as myself, that just won't cut it.
My parents moved our family from Alabama to Iowa when I was in fourth grade. That was okay. I then moved to Utah for my first year of college. That was great. Then I moved to Missouri for these last three years of college. That was okay. Each place has its pros and cons, naturally. And what you get out of a place really depends on what you make of your time there. But you know, with every traveling experience [big and small], a deep desire to simply... move... rises up within me. Not constantly, of course. I don't desire to live out of a suitcase and drive to a different state every other week, or backpack through Europe for the rest of my life. I mean, that's a little much. But there is something very appealing about living in such a way that allows for freedom of movement and minimalism.
The nomadic Tuareg tribe of south-Saharan Africa has fascinated me ever since I learned of them a handful of years ago. I mean, the desert in itself is absolutely fascinating. But a people-group who has, throughout time, been intentional in choosing to live there... what could be more interesting? After all, most people strive to live away from the desert. Or, at least to have the amenities to make them comfortable if they do live in or near those types of regions. Now, the Tuareg do not constantly move. They have nomadic seasons, moving only two or three times a year. And the way things are done as a nomadic people has changed over time, due to geographical limitations [i.e., country borders and resource ownership]. There is a large sense of being, rather than doing - so different from the lifestyles and ways of Americans. And I love that. To live in a community that is much defined by simplicity, yet still understands structure and society... that concept and imagery is beautiful to me.
I think that living a nomadic lifestyle would have many benefits. Next to being able to see many different places and people, one would be able to have an influence on said places and people... hopefully in a positive and God-honoring manner. Not attempting to change these things, of course. But rather walking through those doors that God opens... in order to allow Him to work through you... for in the end, it is Him Who changes lives. One reason I would love to be able to work in Romania one day is that I would be doing gypsy outreach. And gypsies are, in essence, nomads. So not only would I be able to learn from them and see how they live, but - over time, God-willing - I would be able to come alongside them, developing relationships. Disciple them. And as they continually move on, they would be able to do the same thing... with those whom they know and meet in the places they travel to. I mean, how neat is that? So in that regard, nomadic living is all the more interesting to think about.
I see nomads as people who do not take much... but are greatly thankful for that which they come upon and use, as well as possess. They move in order to take advantage of different places that offer certain things that they need, and/or to escape that which may threaten or endanger them. Regardless of motive, I do admire those who live nomadic lifestyles.
My parents moved our family from Alabama to Iowa when I was in fourth grade. That was okay. I then moved to Utah for my first year of college. That was great. Then I moved to Missouri for these last three years of college. That was okay. Each place has its pros and cons, naturally. And what you get out of a place really depends on what you make of your time there. But you know, with every traveling experience [big and small], a deep desire to simply... move... rises up within me. Not constantly, of course. I don't desire to live out of a suitcase and drive to a different state every other week, or backpack through Europe for the rest of my life. I mean, that's a little much. But there is something very appealing about living in such a way that allows for freedom of movement and minimalism.
The nomadic Tuareg tribe of south-Saharan Africa has fascinated me ever since I learned of them a handful of years ago. I mean, the desert in itself is absolutely fascinating. But a people-group who has, throughout time, been intentional in choosing to live there... what could be more interesting? After all, most people strive to live away from the desert. Or, at least to have the amenities to make them comfortable if they do live in or near those types of regions. Now, the Tuareg do not constantly move. They have nomadic seasons, moving only two or three times a year. And the way things are done as a nomadic people has changed over time, due to geographical limitations [i.e., country borders and resource ownership]. There is a large sense of being, rather than doing - so different from the lifestyles and ways of Americans. And I love that. To live in a community that is much defined by simplicity, yet still understands structure and society... that concept and imagery is beautiful to me.
I think that living a nomadic lifestyle would have many benefits. Next to being able to see many different places and people, one would be able to have an influence on said places and people... hopefully in a positive and God-honoring manner. Not attempting to change these things, of course. But rather walking through those doors that God opens... in order to allow Him to work through you... for in the end, it is Him Who changes lives. One reason I would love to be able to work in Romania one day is that I would be doing gypsy outreach. And gypsies are, in essence, nomads. So not only would I be able to learn from them and see how they live, but - over time, God-willing - I would be able to come alongside them, developing relationships. Disciple them. And as they continually move on, they would be able to do the same thing... with those whom they know and meet in the places they travel to. I mean, how neat is that? So in that regard, nomadic living is all the more interesting to think about.
I see nomads as people who do not take much... but are greatly thankful for that which they come upon and use, as well as possess. They move in order to take advantage of different places that offer certain things that they need, and/or to escape that which may threaten or endanger them. Regardless of motive, I do admire those who live nomadic lifestyles.
January 1, 2011
Ch. 766 - The List: Islam
Oh, how my heart aches.
I see a sister walking down a path that I once traveled.
I see a sister turning away from the Christ whom she so lovingly showed me.
I see a sister making a mistake - even though I know I do not know the story.
I see confusion.
I see desperation.
I see misguidance.
I see a lost girl.
I know.
I feel.
I remember.
I remember what it was like to be lost.
To be going down a path that seems to simply be... "right".
The worst part? Sometimes I feel fingers, reaching from the false light, tugging at me. How strong and relentless they can be. More than once have I believed that my heart and mind were going to be ripped into pieces.
And so I fear for this lost girl that I see.
... Yet all I can do is pray.
Pray that she continues to seek for truth... for the Truth.
Pray that she is influenced by someone as I was influenced by her.
Pray that she turns around and runs back to Him who holds her in His hands.
And pray that she comes to fully understand the meaning of John 14:6.
... Just as I did on that beautiful spring morning two and a half years ago.
Oh, how my heart aches.
But there is a peace that washes over me as I remember that HE is so much bigger than any of us. My soul is calmed as my spirit is stirred.
......
I just realized that this post has something to do with the first item of that "list" I created in Ch. 765. Thus, the title change from "One return. One departure." to "The List: Islam". I had said I would likely be posting reflections on each thing that I listed. I didn't know what those reflections would look like or how/when they would begin. ... But obviously, it just sort of... happened, eh? So alright, then. Here we go.
I see a sister walking down a path that I once traveled.
I see a sister turning away from the Christ whom she so lovingly showed me.
I see a sister making a mistake - even though I know I do not know the story.
I see confusion.
I see desperation.
I see misguidance.
I see a lost girl.
I know.
I feel.
I remember.
I remember what it was like to be lost.
To be going down a path that seems to simply be... "right".
The worst part? Sometimes I feel fingers, reaching from the false light, tugging at me. How strong and relentless they can be. More than once have I believed that my heart and mind were going to be ripped into pieces.
And so I fear for this lost girl that I see.
... Yet all I can do is pray.
Pray that she continues to seek for truth... for the Truth.
Pray that she is influenced by someone as I was influenced by her.
Pray that she turns around and runs back to Him who holds her in His hands.
And pray that she comes to fully understand the meaning of John 14:6.
... Just as I did on that beautiful spring morning two and a half years ago.
Oh, how my heart aches.
But there is a peace that washes over me as I remember that HE is so much bigger than any of us. My soul is calmed as my spirit is stirred.
......
I just realized that this post has something to do with the first item of that "list" I created in Ch. 765. Thus, the title change from "One return. One departure." to "The List: Islam". I had said I would likely be posting reflections on each thing that I listed. I didn't know what those reflections would look like or how/when they would begin. ... But obviously, it just sort of... happened, eh? So alright, then. Here we go.
November 29, 2010
Ch. 765 - Growth Spurts
There are a lot of things I could talk about.
There are even more that I could write about... Does that make sense?
Islam.
Nomads.
Church.
Plans.
Fears.
Dreams.
Joys.
Likes.
Concerns.
Dislikes.
Hates.
Complaints.
Annoyances.
Irritations.
Aggravations.
Real...ness.
Happiness.
Brokenness.
Forgiveness.
Thankfulness.
Lovingkindness.
God.
Jesus.
Spirit.
Family.
Friends.
Teachers.
Students.
Home.
Iowa.
Utah.
Moberly.
Alabama.
Missouri.
Overseas.
Romania.
Hopes.
Wants.
Needs.
Strengths.
Weaknesses.
Indifference.
Abilities.
Challenges.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.
... Sometimes that's all I want to talk/write about.
I mean, sure - this is my story.
I could technically say/write whatever I want.
And yet, I don't.
Not truly.
Not fully.
Because I think that what I mean is I would speak of those... negative... aspects of "me". All of those things - topics - that I listed do pertain to me in some way. I could write about all of them regarding how they affect me, what I think about them, what they are, what they mean to me, etc... And some of those things most certainly do or would have a negative spin to them, I feel. I am sure I would have something positive to say about each. But really, overall, the tone would be negative.
So... is that so terrible?
Desiring to focus on "ME" to an even greater extent?
Doing so could, quite possibly - quite easily, really - lead to direct disobedience regarding the two greatest commandments that my Lord God gave me, I believe. Especially when that desire comes to fruition in actually talking with [more like at] others - regardless of whether they are believers and I think they can "handle" that which I find myself just thoughtlessly spewing out.
It's not that I would... come to love myself more than I currently do. At least I don't think so. But the focus on God and others would not be as great as it should be. I find it easy to see how my love for each would become diluted. I think it is awfully difficult to love others as you love yourself when all you care about is self and talking of or about self.
I don't know where it comes from.
I mean, I suppose I do.
I may have Christ.
I may have the indwelling Spirit.
But I still have flesh.
Man is man.
And man is selfish.
Pitiful.
Prideful.
Pathetic.
[Even so, God is the Father - Creator - of man. And thus, these... characteristics... are canceled out by His love, grace, and mercy.]
Perhaps I simply haven't fully come to embrace the fact that I do have people I can talk WITH [not at], realizing that over time we will learn about one another and come to love one another for who we are... made in the image of God... attempting to become more and more Christlike. I appreciate the fact that this can and does happen in a variety of settings. People are relational regardless of where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with - whether they realize it or not. Point of the matter is, if you are willing to invest time and energy into others, it will be reciprocated.
Perhaps I am afraid of coming to realize something about myself that I don't want to know. Because, chances are, it would not be pleasant and I know that God would need to work on me. Ouch. And yet, how good that is. I think that by going deeper and just getting things out there with others is good. Blank pages of a journal only offer so much comfort. Ink and lead run out eventually. New journals must be bought. And forget about personal insight and feedback. You can make the journal covers flap as if they are lips for as long as you'd like - but at the end of the day, you won't have heard a single word come from them. The same can be said about an empty HTML box on a blogging site. Start, stop, start, stop... delete this, edit that. Distractions abound. Granted, the hum of the fan offers a familiar comfort, as does the dim glow of the screen in a darkening room. Millions of resources for extra help, advice, suggestions, musings, and additional words are at your fingertips... but what does all that truly matter? What does that say about you?
Oh, how I am growing.
[And I am certainly thankful that my shoe size will stay the same.]
I think I'm going to begin a series of reflections on each of those things I listed at the beginning of this post. I may or may not post them on my other blog.
There are even more that I could write about... Does that make sense?
Islam.
Nomads.
Church.
Plans.
Fears.
Dreams.
Joys.
Likes.
Concerns.
Dislikes.
Hates.
Complaints.
Annoyances.
Irritations.
Aggravations.
Real...ness.
Happiness.
Brokenness.
Forgiveness.
Thankfulness.
Lovingkindness.
God.
Jesus.
Spirit.
Family.
Friends.
Teachers.
Students.
Home.
Iowa.
Utah.
Moberly.
Alabama.
Missouri.
Overseas.
Romania.
Hopes.
Wants.
Needs.
Strengths.
Weaknesses.
Indifference.
Abilities.
Challenges.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Me.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.
ME.
... Sometimes that's all I want to talk/write about.
I mean, sure - this is my story.
I could technically say/write whatever I want.
And yet, I don't.
Not truly.
Not fully.
Because I think that what I mean is I would speak of those... negative... aspects of "me". All of those things - topics - that I listed do pertain to me in some way. I could write about all of them regarding how they affect me, what I think about them, what they are, what they mean to me, etc... And some of those things most certainly do or would have a negative spin to them, I feel. I am sure I would have something positive to say about each. But really, overall, the tone would be negative.
So... is that so terrible?
Desiring to focus on "ME" to an even greater extent?
Doing so could, quite possibly - quite easily, really - lead to direct disobedience regarding the two greatest commandments that my Lord God gave me, I believe. Especially when that desire comes to fruition in actually talking with [more like at] others - regardless of whether they are believers and I think they can "handle" that which I find myself just thoughtlessly spewing out.
It's not that I would... come to love myself more than I currently do. At least I don't think so. But the focus on God and others would not be as great as it should be. I find it easy to see how my love for each would become diluted. I think it is awfully difficult to love others as you love yourself when all you care about is self and talking of or about self.
I don't know where it comes from.
I mean, I suppose I do.
I may have Christ.
I may have the indwelling Spirit.
But I still have flesh.
Man is man.
And man is selfish.
Pitiful.
Prideful.
Pathetic.
[Even so, God is the Father - Creator - of man. And thus, these... characteristics... are canceled out by His love, grace, and mercy.]
Perhaps I simply haven't fully come to embrace the fact that I do have people I can talk WITH [not at], realizing that over time we will learn about one another and come to love one another for who we are... made in the image of God... attempting to become more and more Christlike. I appreciate the fact that this can and does happen in a variety of settings. People are relational regardless of where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with - whether they realize it or not. Point of the matter is, if you are willing to invest time and energy into others, it will be reciprocated.
Perhaps I am afraid of coming to realize something about myself that I don't want to know. Because, chances are, it would not be pleasant and I know that God would need to work on me. Ouch. And yet, how good that is. I think that by going deeper and just getting things out there with others is good. Blank pages of a journal only offer so much comfort. Ink and lead run out eventually. New journals must be bought. And forget about personal insight and feedback. You can make the journal covers flap as if they are lips for as long as you'd like - but at the end of the day, you won't have heard a single word come from them. The same can be said about an empty HTML box on a blogging site. Start, stop, start, stop... delete this, edit that. Distractions abound. Granted, the hum of the fan offers a familiar comfort, as does the dim glow of the screen in a darkening room. Millions of resources for extra help, advice, suggestions, musings, and additional words are at your fingertips... but what does all that truly matter? What does that say about you?
Oh, how I am growing.
[And I am certainly thankful that my shoe size will stay the same.]
I think I'm going to begin a series of reflections on each of those things I listed at the beginning of this post. I may or may not post them on my other blog.
October 25, 2010
Ch. 758 - Touch
This may sound weird... but I like to touch. It seems like I always have to be holding or touching something - it usually comes down to my hair, a pen, or my earring(s). I think that the sense of touch can tell us so much about things. And people, too.
Is something new? Or perhaps aged and worn? It something soft, or rough? Smooth, or ragged and uneven? Is a table made of real wood, or has it been covered with a veneer that looks like wood? Is something supple, or hard? Dry, or wet? Are a person's hands calloused, or well taken care of? Is a person's wealth made obvious in the fabrics they choose to clothe themselves with?
You can only know something to such a degree by seeing it, hearing it, tasting it, smelling it... well, by touching it, too. But I feel that touch reveals something's depth. It brings to the table a new facet of said somethings. Touch brings about an understanding of the reality of things; they "come to life". I think this is partly why people have such a difficult time coming to know, understand, or desire God... He cannot be touched. We cannot grasp Who or What He is based on that sense. Or any others, really. Well. I suppose we can believe that He is beautiful based on what we see in nature or people, but otherwise, we cannot understand Him or have a deeper sense of Him [based on what our senses lead us to know/believe].
However. Perhaps it is safe to say that people are able to realize a facet of God based on touch. What about those who are healed from the laying on of hands? If someone is healed due to the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through the hands of a believer with the gift of healing, wouldn't the person who was healed come to understand and believe that God is the Healer? As long as glory is given to Him, all parties involved - especially the healed - should know that ultimately, God healed the inflicted. Obviously it may not be the touch itself that initiates the healing, but rather faith - but the touch of the person who has the gift allows God to work through that faith and that person.
I love the fact that God can use healings to show Himself to both believers and nonbelievers alike. Yet I do believe that it takes faith upon the part of the inflicted in order to be healed, not just the person who has that gift, based on what I read in the Bible. Even so, nonbelievers, or those to whom faith is not "real", may see these healings and come to see and know God is at work and real. So I suppose that it is possible to know a part of God through the sense of touch, technically. It may be a bit of a stretch, I realize, but it makes sense to me... especially since I do believe that God continues to give the gift of healing to people today - and does miraculous and wonderful things through His children. All glory to God, always!
'When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.'
[Matthew 8:1-3]
Is something new? Or perhaps aged and worn? It something soft, or rough? Smooth, or ragged and uneven? Is a table made of real wood, or has it been covered with a veneer that looks like wood? Is something supple, or hard? Dry, or wet? Are a person's hands calloused, or well taken care of? Is a person's wealth made obvious in the fabrics they choose to clothe themselves with?
You can only know something to such a degree by seeing it, hearing it, tasting it, smelling it... well, by touching it, too. But I feel that touch reveals something's depth. It brings to the table a new facet of said somethings. Touch brings about an understanding of the reality of things; they "come to life". I think this is partly why people have such a difficult time coming to know, understand, or desire God... He cannot be touched. We cannot grasp Who or What He is based on that sense. Or any others, really. Well. I suppose we can believe that He is beautiful based on what we see in nature or people, but otherwise, we cannot understand Him or have a deeper sense of Him [based on what our senses lead us to know/believe].
However. Perhaps it is safe to say that people are able to realize a facet of God based on touch. What about those who are healed from the laying on of hands? If someone is healed due to the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through the hands of a believer with the gift of healing, wouldn't the person who was healed come to understand and believe that God is the Healer? As long as glory is given to Him, all parties involved - especially the healed - should know that ultimately, God healed the inflicted. Obviously it may not be the touch itself that initiates the healing, but rather faith - but the touch of the person who has the gift allows God to work through that faith and that person.
I love the fact that God can use healings to show Himself to both believers and nonbelievers alike. Yet I do believe that it takes faith upon the part of the inflicted in order to be healed, not just the person who has that gift, based on what I read in the Bible. Even so, nonbelievers, or those to whom faith is not "real", may see these healings and come to see and know God is at work and real. So I suppose that it is possible to know a part of God through the sense of touch, technically. It may be a bit of a stretch, I realize, but it makes sense to me... especially since I do believe that God continues to give the gift of healing to people today - and does miraculous and wonderful things through His children. All glory to God, always!
'When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.'
[Matthew 8:1-3]
October 5, 2010
Ch. 752 - Harvest of Hope
"What is a harvest of hope?"
A professor asked one of my friends that question tonight. He has to speak in regards to what that is this week in chapel... it is Missions Emphasis Week at school and every year we steal the National Missionary Convention's theme [the NMC is in November]. Anyway - he's been trying to figure it out, but has no idea what a harvest of hope is. My friend wasn't sure, either. So she said that she would go around and ask others what it could possibly mean, and then get back to him. I happened to be the first person she asked the question to.
I wasn't sure what to make of the question, at first. I had to sit and think for a few moments. I really had no idea what to say, how to answer. A harvest of hope... a harvest of hope... a harvest of hope... a harvest of hope. Hm.
Well. The following is what I came up with, along with a couple interjections from said friend [N] and another friend of ours [J] who happened to be around while this singular Q&A was taking place.
There is, indeed, a harvest happening. We want hope to take root in people as they learn about Jesus. But really, we cannot harvest hope. We cannot have a harvest of hope. Because that would mean that we are taking hope away from someone, someplace, something. Believers should desire to instill hope within others. We want hope to grow within people. Over time, it will turn into faith. People become followers of Christ. Now, a harvest is the gathering/taking in of a crop. The harvested crop is then used. For example, when you harvest food, you may sell it... eat it... preserve it for the winter months... etc. Again: you use what you harvest. So when you fully come to understand the hope that has been shared/taught/offered you, that hope in Christ... and you come to maturity... you should be willing to be used by God, having been harvested. Then you can be the one to plant seeds of hope within others.
{"J" reminded us that Christ is the great Harvester. We may be preparing the fields, but He is the One who will gather the crop.}
{And "N" reminded us that Christ gives people something to hope in. People place hope in a lot of different things. When what they are putting hope in fails, it can be devastating. Feelings of hopelessness can even cause people to take their lives.}
But hope gives life.
Both physical and spiritual.
So. Recap:
When hope is placed in the right thing, Jesus, life can fully be grasped. Hope turns into faith. When faith is had by someone, they come to have new life in Jesus. The people who have that new life are those whom we call "the harvest". Thus, through faith, you technically can have a harvest of hope... a harvest planted by hope.
Hope --> Faith --> Harvest --> Discipleship --> Maturation --> Multiplication --> New planters of Hope... oh, what a beautiful cycle.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 346.
A professor asked one of my friends that question tonight. He has to speak in regards to what that is this week in chapel... it is Missions Emphasis Week at school and every year we steal the National Missionary Convention's theme [the NMC is in November]. Anyway - he's been trying to figure it out, but has no idea what a harvest of hope is. My friend wasn't sure, either. So she said that she would go around and ask others what it could possibly mean, and then get back to him. I happened to be the first person she asked the question to.
I wasn't sure what to make of the question, at first. I had to sit and think for a few moments. I really had no idea what to say, how to answer. A harvest of hope... a harvest of hope... a harvest of hope... a harvest of hope. Hm.
Well. The following is what I came up with, along with a couple interjections from said friend [N] and another friend of ours [J] who happened to be around while this singular Q&A was taking place.
There is, indeed, a harvest happening. We want hope to take root in people as they learn about Jesus. But really, we cannot harvest hope. We cannot have a harvest of hope. Because that would mean that we are taking hope away from someone, someplace, something. Believers should desire to instill hope within others. We want hope to grow within people. Over time, it will turn into faith. People become followers of Christ. Now, a harvest is the gathering/taking in of a crop. The harvested crop is then used. For example, when you harvest food, you may sell it... eat it... preserve it for the winter months... etc. Again: you use what you harvest. So when you fully come to understand the hope that has been shared/taught/offered you, that hope in Christ... and you come to maturity... you should be willing to be used by God, having been harvested. Then you can be the one to plant seeds of hope within others.
{"J" reminded us that Christ is the great Harvester. We may be preparing the fields, but He is the One who will gather the crop.}
{And "N" reminded us that Christ gives people something to hope in. People place hope in a lot of different things. When what they are putting hope in fails, it can be devastating. Feelings of hopelessness can even cause people to take their lives.}
But hope gives life.
Both physical and spiritual.
So. Recap:
When hope is placed in the right thing, Jesus, life can fully be grasped. Hope turns into faith. When faith is had by someone, they come to have new life in Jesus. The people who have that new life are those whom we call "the harvest". Thus, through faith, you technically can have a harvest of hope... a harvest planted by hope.
Hope --> Faith --> Harvest --> Discipleship --> Maturation --> Multiplication --> New planters of Hope... oh, what a beautiful cycle.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 346.
September 16, 2010
Ch. 746 - 'Awake, my soul!'
Note: 'For the director of music. To the tune of "Do Not Destroy." Of David. A miktam. When he had fled from Saul into the cave.'
'My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.
Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.'
[Psalm 57:7-8]
These are beautiful verses - lyrics, really, for they are part of a song written by David. I love that he says his heart is steadfast. To me, steadfast means strong... true, loyal... it represents a perseverance... something that holds. I think David believes God has helped him in such a way that his heart has become steadfast - it was likely that it simply couldn't be helped. And he is thankful for this, which is why he desires to sing and make music before the Lord His God. Now, it is one thing to merely sing... but it is another to sing with your soul. To sing with feeling, emotion. I imagine that David is saying, "Awake, my soul!" because he wants to present to the Lord a song from his very soul. I can almost feel my own heart pound as I wait in anticipation for a new song of joy and thankfulness... of deliverance... to rise up from within me, spilling out into the cave - without hesitation, without reluctance. And I can almost hear the song bounce off the walls and ceiling, making it sound as if a multitude of sonorous voices are giving praise to the God of David, for He loves and saves. The song continues through the night, indeed awakening the dawn... Continuous praise: a sweet and pleasing aroma to the Lord.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 281.
'My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.
Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.'
[Psalm 57:7-8]
These are beautiful verses - lyrics, really, for they are part of a song written by David. I love that he says his heart is steadfast. To me, steadfast means strong... true, loyal... it represents a perseverance... something that holds. I think David believes God has helped him in such a way that his heart has become steadfast - it was likely that it simply couldn't be helped. And he is thankful for this, which is why he desires to sing and make music before the Lord His God. Now, it is one thing to merely sing... but it is another to sing with your soul. To sing with feeling, emotion. I imagine that David is saying, "Awake, my soul!" because he wants to present to the Lord a song from his very soul. I can almost feel my own heart pound as I wait in anticipation for a new song of joy and thankfulness... of deliverance... to rise up from within me, spilling out into the cave - without hesitation, without reluctance. And I can almost hear the song bounce off the walls and ceiling, making it sound as if a multitude of sonorous voices are giving praise to the God of David, for He loves and saves. The song continues through the night, indeed awakening the dawn... Continuous praise: a sweet and pleasing aroma to the Lord.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 281.
August 22, 2010
Ch. 734 - Qs With No As.
Ten days.
Another fresh start.
' "I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. "For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." '
[Daniel 6:26-27]
Can you imagine what the United States would be like if our president issued a decree like the one above that King Darius issued? If people truly obeyed the decree... what would America look like? Would people truly turn to the "living God" and turn away from their sin? Would they allow themselves to be refined by the fire of God? Would they live their lives for Him? Would the downtrodden find joy? How quickly would people realize that their lives have purpose? Would they grasp the true meaning of the American dream... hope? And would America become the land of the absolute free? How would people come to make a difference in the lives of citizens around the world? How many would fully devote their lives to furthering the kingdom of God? How would God use us? What would He do? What magnificent signs and wonders would He perform? How often would we see deliverance from the lions of today?
What would change?
... Anything?
Are we so far gone... so wrapped up in the lives that we lead... that this decree would mean absolutely nothing to us? Have we no fear? Do we not know the meaning of reverence? Have we forgotten how to righteously adore, honor, obey?
I do not mean to sound pessimistic or anything.
I was just reading the book of Daniel and when I came to those verses I began to ask myself questions such as these. I simply needed to get them out of my mind. Peace and blessings upon you.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 191.
Another fresh start.
' "I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. "For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." '
[Daniel 6:26-27]
Can you imagine what the United States would be like if our president issued a decree like the one above that King Darius issued? If people truly obeyed the decree... what would America look like? Would people truly turn to the "living God" and turn away from their sin? Would they allow themselves to be refined by the fire of God? Would they live their lives for Him? Would the downtrodden find joy? How quickly would people realize that their lives have purpose? Would they grasp the true meaning of the American dream... hope? And would America become the land of the absolute free? How would people come to make a difference in the lives of citizens around the world? How many would fully devote their lives to furthering the kingdom of God? How would God use us? What would He do? What magnificent signs and wonders would He perform? How often would we see deliverance from the lions of today?
What would change?
... Anything?
Are we so far gone... so wrapped up in the lives that we lead... that this decree would mean absolutely nothing to us? Have we no fear? Do we not know the meaning of reverence? Have we forgotten how to righteously adore, honor, obey?
I do not mean to sound pessimistic or anything.
I was just reading the book of Daniel and when I came to those verses I began to ask myself questions such as these. I simply needed to get them out of my mind. Peace and blessings upon you.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 191.
August 12, 2010
Ch. 733 - Roots
I have a difficult time accepting... well... many things.
Friend requests on Facebook from people I don't know...
Criticism.
Truths.
Compliments.
Encouragement.
Kindness.
Care.
Love.
I appreciate all these things. Even criticism, if it is constructive. And the truths, too, which could - more often than not - be classified as "hard-to-handle". Oh, okay... maybe not the first item mentioned...
Anyway, I do. Appreciate these things, I mean. But it's like I don't know how to manage them. Want to know the best part? It's pretty obvious to me that I am not exactly a "pro" at giving these things out to others.
Why is this?
... I try. I really do.
I actually think there has been improvement on the giving side of things over the past couple of years. Bible college will do that to you.
But seriously.
Why do I have to work so hard at doing so?
Do I think people are not "worthy" of these things?
Not that my love or friendship is any better or more important than those of another... but perhaps I am convinced that they wouldn't appreciate it. And thus they are not deserving. Of course, then I am not being obedient to the commands of God: '" 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "' [Mark 12:31a] And if I cannot obey the second greatest commandment, surely I am not following the first: '" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' "' [Mark 12:30]
After all, to obey is to love.
[1 John 5:3]
Is that the root of my problem?
Could it be that I simply do not love God?
At least, not enough?
But then it must be asked again... Why?
Am I unable to accept the aforementioned things from people because I cannot even accept them from the Lord God Himself? Am I unable to give these things out, namely love, because I cannot even give them - it - to Him?
If I can't even accept His love, the only love that truly matters, how can I expect to gain a greater capacity to love Him? Or truly love Him at all? I mean, despite all that I have read and heard, sung and been told, how greatly do I believe that it is true? But how could I not fully believe? For one, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am right now. I wouldn't be going to Central Christian College of the Bible... would I? Would I still be out in Utah, desiring to gain worldly things such as wealth and political power? Or would I be celebrating my third Ramadan, a slave to Islam? And secondly, not fully believing would be like slapping God in the face... why would I ever want to do that? What an image, eh? A finite sinner slapping the face of God... how absurd.
I put myself in chains of doubt and anxiety.
Why?
"It's not true."
I am loved.
I am His joy and delight.
And with that... with nine, simple words... this post is meaningless.
After all, I "know" these things.
I need to entirely embrace this knowledge, though. I need to return that love unto Him, and His beloved people, too. Be loved. Love. Be loved. And then love some more. Stop pushing Him away. Stop building walls. Seek Him and strive to be loved "more". To know Him and the perfect love that He has for me... what a beautiful mission.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 187.
Friend requests on Facebook from people I don't know...
Criticism.
Truths.
Compliments.
Encouragement.
Kindness.
Care.
Love.
I appreciate all these things. Even criticism, if it is constructive. And the truths, too, which could - more often than not - be classified as "hard-to-handle". Oh, okay... maybe not the first item mentioned...
Anyway, I do. Appreciate these things, I mean. But it's like I don't know how to manage them. Want to know the best part? It's pretty obvious to me that I am not exactly a "pro" at giving these things out to others.
Why is this?
... I try. I really do.
I actually think there has been improvement on the giving side of things over the past couple of years. Bible college will do that to you.
But seriously.
Why do I have to work so hard at doing so?
Do I think people are not "worthy" of these things?
Not that my love or friendship is any better or more important than those of another... but perhaps I am convinced that they wouldn't appreciate it. And thus they are not deserving. Of course, then I am not being obedient to the commands of God: '" 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "' [Mark 12:31a] And if I cannot obey the second greatest commandment, surely I am not following the first: '" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' "' [Mark 12:30]
After all, to obey is to love.
[1 John 5:3]
Is that the root of my problem?
Could it be that I simply do not love God?
At least, not enough?
But then it must be asked again... Why?
Am I unable to accept the aforementioned things from people because I cannot even accept them from the Lord God Himself? Am I unable to give these things out, namely love, because I cannot even give them - it - to Him?
If I can't even accept His love, the only love that truly matters, how can I expect to gain a greater capacity to love Him? Or truly love Him at all? I mean, despite all that I have read and heard, sung and been told, how greatly do I believe that it is true? But how could I not fully believe? For one, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am right now. I wouldn't be going to Central Christian College of the Bible... would I? Would I still be out in Utah, desiring to gain worldly things such as wealth and political power? Or would I be celebrating my third Ramadan, a slave to Islam? And secondly, not fully believing would be like slapping God in the face... why would I ever want to do that? What an image, eh? A finite sinner slapping the face of God... how absurd.
I put myself in chains of doubt and anxiety.
Why?
"It's not true."
I am loved.
I am His joy and delight.
And with that... with nine, simple words... this post is meaningless.
After all, I "know" these things.
I need to entirely embrace this knowledge, though. I need to return that love unto Him, and His beloved people, too. Be loved. Love. Be loved. And then love some more. Stop pushing Him away. Stop building walls. Seek Him and strive to be loved "more". To know Him and the perfect love that He has for me... what a beautiful mission.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 187.
May 15, 2010
Ch. 710 - Summer Excitement
One week... I decided not to play catch-up. It's all good.
My second - and second to last - year at Central Christian College of the Bible came to a close this past Wednesday, as I rounded out my last day with two finals. They were the toughest of my five, and I got a high 'A' on each. Fabulous. But I can really only attribute my successes to God, for He blessed me with the abilities and skills necessary to do well. I simply put them to use. If you try to pound a nail into a piece of wood without a hammer, it's not exactly going to work. Using your hand won't do anything. And using something other than a hammer may work, but it's really just not the same. While it's nice to see or hear acknowledgment for doing well on something, I can't pretend like I truly deserve anything. Glory to God, in all things great and small.
Summer has begun, and I don't know how to feel about it...
Two jobs.
Two classes.
Two churches [more on this later...].
I plan on spending a lot of time with my brother, Wes - he just finished his first year of college and I am really proud of him. Anyway, we have dubbed the next few months S²'10:
SIBLING SUMMER 2010!
So great.
We're stoked.
We've started making a list of things we plan on doing, and without a doubt more "to-do" items will be added to it within the next week or two.
I think what I'm most excited about this summer, though, is the fact that I plan on falling more and more in love with Christ. I ended the school year on a positive note in regards to my relationship with Him, but I'm... fine. Just... fine.
I want to be better than fine.
And I want to be stepping forward, not standing still.
Lately I've been getting myself down... and I let myself be kept there by the prince of this world - and I am [obviously] pretty okay with that. It's easy... I mean, it's not necessarily good for those around me, but for me? It's comfortable. I can make it work. Of course, I tend to mess things up pretty terribly when I get into this state. Mistakes. Regrets. But sometimes I feel like I really just don't like myself. So I wonder how anyone else could ever like me, let alone love me. Of course, I know my flaws. I tend to see myself in a negative light. I am, truly, an animal. And so I figure that I deserve to be where I am. I deserve to allow myself to think of ME the way I do. But as someone very dear to my heart told me today, "We're all going to have things we are striving to improve in ourselves. We can't dwell in the negative. That's the adversary trying to keep us down. We have to remember our worth in Christ."
Beautiful.
As is Christ.
As am I.
Valuation.
That is my focus for the summer.
For myself.
For others.
For God.
'Let the morning bring me word of your
unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.'
[Psalm 143:8-10]
......
Ch. 710, Part Two:
One definition of "valuation" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is the following: 'judgment or appreciation of worth or character'.
Now you know.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 130.
My second - and second to last - year at Central Christian College of the Bible came to a close this past Wednesday, as I rounded out my last day with two finals. They were the toughest of my five, and I got a high 'A' on each. Fabulous. But I can really only attribute my successes to God, for He blessed me with the abilities and skills necessary to do well. I simply put them to use. If you try to pound a nail into a piece of wood without a hammer, it's not exactly going to work. Using your hand won't do anything. And using something other than a hammer may work, but it's really just not the same. While it's nice to see or hear acknowledgment for doing well on something, I can't pretend like I truly deserve anything. Glory to God, in all things great and small.
Summer has begun, and I don't know how to feel about it...
Two jobs.
Two classes.
Two churches [more on this later...].
I plan on spending a lot of time with my brother, Wes - he just finished his first year of college and I am really proud of him. Anyway, we have dubbed the next few months S²'10:
SIBLING SUMMER 2010!
So great.
We're stoked.
We've started making a list of things we plan on doing, and without a doubt more "to-do" items will be added to it within the next week or two.
I think what I'm most excited about this summer, though, is the fact that I plan on falling more and more in love with Christ. I ended the school year on a positive note in regards to my relationship with Him, but I'm... fine. Just... fine.
I want to be better than fine.
And I want to be stepping forward, not standing still.
Lately I've been getting myself down... and I let myself be kept there by the prince of this world - and I am [obviously] pretty okay with that. It's easy... I mean, it's not necessarily good for those around me, but for me? It's comfortable. I can make it work. Of course, I tend to mess things up pretty terribly when I get into this state. Mistakes. Regrets. But sometimes I feel like I really just don't like myself. So I wonder how anyone else could ever like me, let alone love me. Of course, I know my flaws. I tend to see myself in a negative light. I am, truly, an animal. And so I figure that I deserve to be where I am. I deserve to allow myself to think of ME the way I do. But as someone very dear to my heart told me today, "We're all going to have things we are striving to improve in ourselves. We can't dwell in the negative. That's the adversary trying to keep us down. We have to remember our worth in Christ."
Beautiful.
As is Christ.
As am I.
Valuation.
That is my focus for the summer.
For myself.
For others.
For God.
'Let the morning bring me word of your
unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.'
[Psalm 143:8-10]
......
Ch. 710, Part Two:
One definition of "valuation" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is the following: 'judgment or appreciation of worth or character'.
Now you know.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 130.
April 13, 2010
Ch. 685 - Picturesque
I spent some time at a park today. I was simply enjoying the beautiful weather and catching up on some reading for a class. At one point I heard a vehicle pull into the parking lot. I kept reading, but the sound of laughter soon filled the small park and I looked up to see a woman and two children. The woman was carrying a blanket and a small cooler. She and one of the children, a girl about four of five years old, spread out the blanket in the shade of a large tree. The other child, a boy about two years old, walked away from them and explored the playground area. He started to run towards a small, open field, looking over his shoulder now and then to the woman, whom I was watching. I noticed that even though she was talking with the girl and starting to take food and drinks out of the cooler, she periodically glanced over to the field where the boy was now running in constant circles. But suddenly he stopped, and without having to be chased down or called over, he dawdled over to the blanket where the woman and girl were sitting. The woman opened her arms and he ran the rest of the way, nestling - forcefully, I might add, as a result of the momentum - into her arms. And as they began to eat their picnic lunch, I resumed my reading with a smile on my face.
I was really thankful to have witnessed this casual occurrence.
I mean, it was simply a picnic in the park.
But I felt like God was reminding that even though I go "off on my own" now and then, or even run away from where I seemingly should be, I cannot truly run away from God. He is ever-watchful. There is no hiding from Him. And because He certainly does have a hand on my life, I will always return to Him eventually.
Because He provides for me.
Because He protects me.
Because He encourages me.
Because He guides me.
Because He loves me.
He welcomes me with open arms.
'But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...'
[Psalm 33:18]
I was really thankful to have witnessed this casual occurrence.
I mean, it was simply a picnic in the park.
But I felt like God was reminding that even though I go "off on my own" now and then, or even run away from where I seemingly should be, I cannot truly run away from God. He is ever-watchful. There is no hiding from Him. And because He certainly does have a hand on my life, I will always return to Him eventually.
Because He provides for me.
Because He protects me.
Because He encourages me.
Because He guides me.
Because He loves me.
He welcomes me with open arms.
'But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...'
[Psalm 33:18]
March 15, 2010
Ch. 675 - Humiliation.
Presuppositions.
It's amazing how simple "vibes", assumptions, and antecedent thoughts can affect a person in regards to what they say and do. Sometimes those presuppositions are made justly, but usually they are not.
Caves.
Why would you go into a cave in the first place?
"Exploration!"
I'll give you that.
But perhaps it's that you want to get away for a bit.
Meditation.
Reflection.
Or maybe you're trying to hide.
Distancing yourself from an "enemy" or simply people...
But they just wait outside.
Either way, you're alone.
Besides, you know what? When thinking of caves in a simplistic manner, you can only leave the way you enter. So eventually, you have to face the reason you entered the cave in the first place.
"Back to reality."
How often do we let ourselves fall into that trap?
Separation.
We burn bridges.
We close doors.
We put up walls.
And we dig ourselves into deep holes.
Why do we place barriers between ourselves and people?
People.
The saved.
The lost.
Strangers.
Acquaintances.
Friends.
Family.
We were made to be relational.
Fellowship.
Community.
Love.
What am I so afraid of?
'A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.'
[Proverb 17:17]
It's amazing how simple "vibes", assumptions, and antecedent thoughts can affect a person in regards to what they say and do. Sometimes those presuppositions are made justly, but usually they are not.
Caves.
Why would you go into a cave in the first place?
"Exploration!"
I'll give you that.
But perhaps it's that you want to get away for a bit.
Meditation.
Reflection.
Or maybe you're trying to hide.
Distancing yourself from an "enemy" or simply people...
But they just wait outside.
Either way, you're alone.
Besides, you know what? When thinking of caves in a simplistic manner, you can only leave the way you enter. So eventually, you have to face the reason you entered the cave in the first place.
"Back to reality."
How often do we let ourselves fall into that trap?
Separation.
We burn bridges.
We close doors.
We put up walls.
And we dig ourselves into deep holes.
Why do we place barriers between ourselves and people?
People.
The saved.
The lost.
Strangers.
Acquaintances.
Friends.
Family.
We were made to be relational.
Fellowship.
Community.
Love.
What am I so afraid of?
'A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.'
[Proverb 17:17]
March 10, 2010
Ch. 670 - Saved. Sanctified.
For a little over five weeks now I have worn a red bracelet on my left wrist. It is simply a length of red embroidery floss that I wound around my wrist four or five times before tying a knot. The day after I was baptized I had done the same thing, but the color of the floss was green. It symbolized the "new life" I had been baptized into. The red symbolizes the blood of Jesus with which I have been sanctified. The green bracelet fell off after one week. Right after it did, I tied on the red floss. It has not come off my wrist since I tied it on. I like this. Even though I am in this new life, in regards to my time on earth, this life is finite. It won't last. I couldn't have told you whether my life was going to end with the falling off of that first bracelet. But I can, indeed, tell you that our time on earth is short. Yet because of what Jesus did, I have life eternal.
I mean, we have been sanctified by Jesus’ blood. He came as a Sacrifice for our sins, a spotless Lamb, to save man. Yet MAN, after arresting and questioning Him, “decided” to put Him to death. When Jesus was being tried, Pilate, a man of authority, claimed Jesus a righteous Man. Pilate said to the Jews he was innocent of His blood; the people boldly accepted the responsibility for His blood. They were reckless in doing so, because they did not, I’m assuming, consider the consequences that would wait for them if He truly was the Son of God – which He is. The irony of the situation astounds me. Denial of the Truth leads to sin and separation from God. Yet we have the opportunity to be made clean with His blood that He shed for us. What a gift. Eternity awaits us.
'But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor. "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify him!" "Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" '
[Matthew 27:20-25]
I mean, we have been sanctified by Jesus’ blood. He came as a Sacrifice for our sins, a spotless Lamb, to save man. Yet MAN, after arresting and questioning Him, “decided” to put Him to death. When Jesus was being tried, Pilate, a man of authority, claimed Jesus a righteous Man. Pilate said to the Jews he was innocent of His blood; the people boldly accepted the responsibility for His blood. They were reckless in doing so, because they did not, I’m assuming, consider the consequences that would wait for them if He truly was the Son of God – which He is. The irony of the situation astounds me. Denial of the Truth leads to sin and separation from God. Yet we have the opportunity to be made clean with His blood that He shed for us. What a gift. Eternity awaits us.
'But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor. "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify him!" "Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" '
[Matthew 27:20-25]
February 13, 2010
Ch. 650 - Choices, choices...
Alright. I'm done. The assignment devotionals helped in catching up, but that's all I'm going to use them for, I think. Most excellent.
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:
"Indecisive" - May 2008
'I am indecisive.
I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.
However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.
It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.
It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.
I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.
I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.
Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'
[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]
I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.
But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
March 5, 2009
Ch. 356 - Simplicity at Its Best
'Peace to the brothers, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.'
[Ephesians 6:23-24]
20. October 2010 Edit:
Such a desire to have upon my fellow believers: peace... love with faith... grace... simply lovely. I believe these things came from a humble heart. These came from a man who truly put others before himself. How often do we ask God for peace upon ourselves? Or ask for greater portions of love and grace? Why not ask for these things for others, first? I don't know... I simply feel like we all too often try to make everything about ourselves, but try to mask it to look otherwise.
[Ephesians 6:23-24]
20. October 2010 Edit:
Such a desire to have upon my fellow believers: peace... love with faith... grace... simply lovely. I believe these things came from a humble heart. These came from a man who truly put others before himself. How often do we ask God for peace upon ourselves? Or ask for greater portions of love and grace? Why not ask for these things for others, first? I don't know... I simply feel like we all too often try to make everything about ourselves, but try to mask it to look otherwise.
February 27, 2009
Ch. 350 - I AM
' "I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other." '
[Isaiah 45:5-6]
19. October 2010 Edit:
My God is... God.
Sovereign.
Mighty.
Big.
Loving.
Wonderful.
He is the only One.
The only true God.
Oh, the beauty of complex simplicity.
[Isaiah 45:5-6]
19. October 2010 Edit:
My God is... God.
Sovereign.
Mighty.
Big.
Loving.
Wonderful.
He is the only One.
The only true God.
Oh, the beauty of complex simplicity.
November 24, 2008
Ch. 255 - Inexpressible JOY
'Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.'
[1 Peter 1:8-9]
12. September 2010 Edit:
It has been almost two years since I posted this verse. It is most certainly fascinating to think about all that has happened these past twenty-two months. Change. Growth. Development. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera... For example, one thing that has changed is my view of joy. While this verse does claim that we are "filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" based upon the receiving of salvation, it is different from the joy that we may have over, say, the birth of a child. The joy that we are given upon receiving our salvation does not last. We can "retrieve it", simply remember it, through our mind... but if we truly desire a portion of that joy, we need to ask for it. Granted, God will sometimes just give it to us without asking... surprise... but the joy that we think we know is not the joy of God.
[1 Peter 1:8-9]
12. September 2010 Edit:
It has been almost two years since I posted this verse. It is most certainly fascinating to think about all that has happened these past twenty-two months. Change. Growth. Development. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera... For example, one thing that has changed is my view of joy. While this verse does claim that we are "filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" based upon the receiving of salvation, it is different from the joy that we may have over, say, the birth of a child. The joy that we are given upon receiving our salvation does not last. We can "retrieve it", simply remember it, through our mind... but if we truly desire a portion of that joy, we need to ask for it. Granted, God will sometimes just give it to us without asking... surprise... but the joy that we think we know is not the joy of God.
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