Ch. 779: The List - Forgiveness

"I forgive you...
[Who knows what's coming?]
... because God forgave me!"

Man... I feel annoyed when people say that.
I really do.

Why?
Because it's a Christian cliché.
And I hate Christian clichés.
Yes. You read correctly.
I hate Christian clichés.

I don't care how true said cliché may be.
Usually when I hear/read one, I find myself thinking, 'Oh please.'
[A rolling of the eyes usually accompanies this thought. Needless to say, I roll my eyes a lot while here at school.]

Sometimes I wonder if we even have the slightest idea what it means to truly forgive someone. Ope, there she goes again... critical, cynical Natalie [nice ring, eh?] - always pointing out faults and weaknesses and the tragedies of life.

"Forgive" me.
Ha.

Honestly, though.

GOD FORGAVE YOU OF ALL YOUR SINS.

Did you catch that?

The general concept of forgiveness is so meaningful and important... it began with the ideas of everlasting love, mercy, and grace. So is it truly so difficult to understand why I have my doubts as to whether we know what forgiveness is?

I don't know where to go with this.

Ch. 778 - The List: Brokenness

Oh, to be broken by my Lord God.

This is something we should be willing to pray for now and again.
Well. In my opinion, that is.
But let me tell you - expect rough seas when God begins to respond.

Yet it is good.
So very, very good.

To be broken means to be convicted.

God works at helping us tear down those sinful walls we put around our hearts... piece by piece by piece... until sooner or later, we stand before Him entirely - open and exposed. Broken. In desperate need of His tender mercy and love and grace. Oh, but the fight we put up against Him at times! Even when we know that we truly desire - nay, need - to be broken. Even when we know that we truly need to be cleansed and purified. It can be a painful process. I mean, it is a stripping away of all that we have held to so tightly... but these things keep us from the almighty Father! And we can only keep ourselves from Him for so long, I feel. It is no wonder that we feel the great need to be broken of anything and everything that is not of Him. The true desire of our hearts is to be with Him. To draw near to Him. To be filled with Him. To love Him, as He has loved us.

Oh, to be broken by my Lord God.
... How it hurts.

I am okay with that.
It reminds me that I am alive.
Alive in Christ.
A sinner.
Imperfect.
But desiring to be like Him.
Holy.
Pure.
Humble.
Loving.
Righteous.

Ch. 777: The List - Happiness

Ha! Happiness... Fun fact: I just wrote a post on my other blog titled 'Happiness. Pure happiness.'
[By the way, today is actually February 28, not February 15. And I am glad that I am behind in writing my posts... because if I had truly written this post on February 15, it would have been written/read a lot differently...]

For the past three[ish] weeks, I have been... happy. Very happy. I haven't necessarily felt joyful, mind you, but that is okay. Yet that is important to note, I think, seeing how there is a difference between being filled with happiness and being filled with joy. Anyway, this is kind of a strange feeling for me. It's not that I am never happy - that is far from the truth. But I can't remember when I had such great feelings of happiness for an extended period of time such as this. It has been consistent. Steady. Seemingly ever-growing, even, and I can't fully explain it. I mean, I'm not on one of those "spiritual highs", nor am I going through a time of a prayer [for happiness] being answered - although I am more than thankful to God for it all.

I know that there are a number of factors in my life that have been contributing to my happiness. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However, I do not think that our levels of happiness should be entirely dependent on our circumstances and "stuff" and... whatever [Am I eloquent or what?!]. Part of me believes that we should simply be able to be glad for the life that we have and the blessings that God gives us... and be happy. Of course sometimes - or a lot of times - that is easier said than done. I also wonder just how greatly our personalities play a role in our happiness or lack thereof. It is difficult for me to decide where I stand on that. And then of course there are also issues like chemical imbalances that allow for depression to affect people and it can be so very difficult for them to truly just... be happy.

That saddens me.

I feel that happiness is actually taken somewhat too lightly. It is important. It truly is. It can affect us so greatly, and also others through us. While I don't think that happiness is as contagious as joy, it can certainly lead to good things for others. Happiness is attractive. If you seem to be more happy than usual, people are more likely to approach you and converse with you; they'll be curious as to what is different for you and why you're so happy - trust me when I say I am speaking from recent personal experience. You can use those opportunities to speak of the goodness of God and those blessings that you feel He has bestowed upon you that have contributed to your happiness. Well. If that's truly the case, that is. If you're happy because your mean ol' great-great-grandma passed away and left you quite an inheritance, so be it. And... I guess... that can be counted as a blessing, too... okay, different example: If you're happy because your brother broke up with his stupid girlfriend you really didn't like, so be it. Spread the news. Why not? Just be sensitive about it...

ANYWAY.

But seriously. I think that happiness can lead to a lot of great conversations, especially conversations regarding God and the hope that you have in Him. I mean, I don't know about you - but knowing that my life lies in the hands of my Lord God gives me reason to be pretty happy!

There are also a variety of things that bring happiness, of course, that may seem pretty general or very specific.

For example, people make me happy.
Knowing that God created each individual... it makes my heart happy.
Being warm makes me happy.
I hate being cold, and warmth brings out the best in me, I feel.
Queen City Christian Church youth make me happy.
Those kids are so great, and I am blessed to be their sponsor.
Green vegetation makes me happy.
The knowledge of coming spring floods me with an impatient peace.

And it continues...

Being happy is good.
I think that God desires for us to be happy.

Sometimes I think that one way we can be happy is to give ourselves attitude checks and tweak our mindsets. I have found that if you start your day with the expectation that it will be a good day, and that God will bless you, and the belief that you are happy, chances are your day will be characterized by each of these things becoming and remaining true.

Ch. 776: The List - Real...ness

[Written on February 27. One of these days I'll be caught up and start writing "on time" for my List series (every five days). Meh, we'll see.]

YES!
Finally!

"Realness."
Not really a word... but it worked with the group of words I put it in.

Being real.
One of my favorite topics in the entire world.

Man oh man, where to begin?

......

Call it a gift.
Call it a skill.
Call it intuition.
Call it fake.
Call it stupid.
Call it whatever you want...

But I believe that I am more easily able to tell when people are being real. More so than the average Joe, I suppose. Or maybe more like I can tell when people are not being real - even when others believe that they are being real. Why? I don't know. How? Again, I don't know. Just... 'cause. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I have not turned into a 20-something, socially-operated robot. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I am one of those kids who are tired of "religion" and "church". Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I want to see people come to know the Truth, filling themselves with Christ, and Christ alone. Or perhaps it has to do with the fact that I have dealt with too much confusion and misguidance and even false teaching, all coming from people whom I sincerely felt were not real.

And you know, those types of things are becoming a real problem these days.
It seems that we don't take the time to think for ourselves anymore.
We want to be spoon-fed information, and told what to do.
... That makes me feel sick to my stomach.

We are so greatly influenced by "the world" and people around us.

Media.
Culture.
History.
Teachings.
Traditions.
Family and friends.
People we don't even know, yet strive to be like.
... Because they seem to have it all together.

Who are YOU?
Do you even know?
And if you do, does it truly matter?

Think about that one for a minute.

Seriously.

Think about it.

What makes you... you?
Is it the family you come from?
The school you attend?
The activities in which you participate?
Is it the people you hang out with?
Your talents and abilities?
Your personality and demeanor?

In what - or whom - do you find your identity?

I pray that you are able to answer, "Jesus Christ!" - but not just because you know it's the "right" answer, but rather because it is the wholeheartedly honest truth.

But how do you share that identity?
Do you share it using your God-given heart and soul and spirit?

Do you share it at all?
Are others able to see Christ in you?
Can they see you being... you... shining with the light of Christ?

......

How can you expect to learn and teach and grow... if you keep your thoughts and dreams and inspirations and revelations to yourself? I mean, I understand the need that we have for some feeling of privacy. Believe it or not, I am more of a private person than some may believe - yes, me, the writer of internet-posted thoughts for not one, but two blogs. Anyway... And that privacy is important. But when we attempt to cover up the pools of depth that are within us out of fear, or worry, or anything and everything else, I think that in the long run of things we end up hurting ourselves. You've heard it before: something about you taking risks in order to gain reward... Well. I believe that is true. Maybe not regarding everything in life. But with a vast array of things, I think it is true - and that includes being real.

It's not that you simply don't care what others think about you.
It's not that you simply wear your heart on your sleeve at all times.

Being real means that you care so much for others that you will put yourself out there - all of you - in order to relate to and help them. ... Your fears, your dreams, your worries and concerns, your joys and hopes, your pain and suffering... everything. But most importantly, you clothe yourself with Christ at all times and share HIM, above all else. He can readily be seen as the center of "your" world. Being real means you don't sugarcoat or water down the Gospel, or what it means to be a disciple. You meet people where they are, taking a genuine interest in them. You let them know that they are not alone in their trials and tribulations; but you also let it be known that you can't change their life for them - only Christ can do that. Be vulnerable... transparent... with others. Stop hiding. And tell it like it is. Always. This doesn't give you an excuse to be abrasive, of course... but it does give you an excuse to be bold in our Lord God and ask for discernment in the Holy Spirit, following His prompting and allowing Him to speak through you.

......

There is more.
There is a lot more.

But I am unsure about how to continue.

I know this post was choppy. It was difficult to create transitions with my thoughts. My mind feels like it's working overtime, and it is becoming all the more difficult to think clearly. And, as aforementioned, there is so much I want to say! However, I think that I will simply let this post be. It is not meant to be a tutorial. Being real is something that you ultimately have to figure out on your own. Read the word of God. Talk to Him, listen to Him. Pray for help. Set others before yourself. Be yourself. Be true. Be real.

Ch. 775 - The List: Dislikes-Aggravations

Dislikes.
Hates.
Complaints.
Annoyances.
Irritations.
Aggravations.

These are the next six subjects on the list.

... So perhaps you can understand why I have delayed writing any new blog posts over the past couple weeks. I mean, I did it to myself; I'm the one who wrote them down in the first place. But really, why would I want to have to think about these things and write about them? That's an awful lot of negativity. I suppose I could simply limit myself to writing very small posts about each subject. That wouldn't be so bad. Definitions. Lists. Done. I may do that. Or, I may group each item together and just write one blog post. We'll see. So, until I [finally] decide how to attack this... peace and grace upon you!

......

Ch. 775, Part Two:

[Technically it is February 23, not February 5.]

Well. I have finally decided that I do not desire to write separate posts for each of those things on the list. But I didn't want to entirely group everything together. So the following is what I have come up with:

Dislikes

People have a lot of dislikes, usually. Or at least I feel that this is true. I know I do... But anyway, I consider things that I dislike to be pretty meaningless. Small. Petty. Dislikes are not a big deal, in my mind. We are each entitled to our own opinions and thoughts and feelings about anything and everything. They are a part of who we are, no matter how trivial. For example, I do not like sauerkraut. Or mayonnaise. Or the feel of polyester. I also dislike cats. And country music. And arguing.

Hates

I think the word 'hate' is overused and it doesn't mean anything anymore, to most people. Mmm, clichés... "Hate is a strong word." It is! And I don't think that people realize the difference between something they do not like and something they truly hate. I really do not like to say aloud that I hate anything [or anyone], unless it is [in my opinion] pretty much justified. But indeed, there are several things that I do hate. I hate bullying. I hate Romania's current international adoption status. I hate impromptu speeches.

Complaints

Much like saying they hate things too often, I think people complain too much. I don't consider myself a complainer - except when it comes to school... my mom can testify to that. But I feel that I don't complain about it as much as I used to. I am really trying to seek out the positive rather than the negative in my circumstances. And I mean, I've decided to come back to CCCB for an entire year... so it really must not be so bad, right? ... Anyway. I figure that I am simply altogether far too blessed to truly make time for complaining about "stuff". Life is too short, yo. I have it good. Really good. I wish that other people could see that about their own lives.

Annoyances, Irritations, Aggravations

Alright, I grouped these three together because they are so similar. I think that most people would say that they are the same thing, but I disagree. Yes, they are similar... but the level of intensity in feeling progresses with each. And I think that certain things can be an annoyance, an irritation, and also an aggravation, depending on the situation and other factors. For example, let's say you have a sociable friend-stalker. You don't really know this person, you just know of them. But one day they approach you to talk. You're a little confused, but think nothing of it other than, 'Cool, a new friend.' From then on, however, they seek you out and try to strike up a conversation whenever they can. It's annoying. Then they take it to the next level. They get your number from someone and constantly text you, friend you on Facebook, follow you on Twitter, and email you at least once a day. You don't really know what to do, so you just try to ignore them. But... it's irritating. Soon, they're basically smothering you. Whenever you turn around, there they are. Breathing down your neck, latching onto you, and telling everybody you're their best friend... you don't know how much more you can take. You confront them and try to talk about it, but they won't listen. They don't change. So now, you're quite upset. It's aggravating. You just can't get through to them, and it seems that you're going to have to file a restraining order. Great.

That may be a bit of an outrageous example, but I think it works to an extent.

Something that is an annoyance isn't a big deal. Like a mosquito or gnat, it's just a little pesky... and you can brush it off pretty easily. An irritation is something that gets under your skin, though... pushes your buttons... and you may have to work harder to deal with or get rid of it. And then an aggravation is something that more severely affects you... and you may earnestly feel angry or upset about that which is aggravating.

I think it's interesting to see how different people are when it comes to these types of things. What may be simply annoying to me may be extremely aggravating to you... or vice versa. But I think we can all deal with these things in the same way, in going to our Lord God to ask for guidance, discernment, and boldness.

Ch. 774 - The List: Concerns

Ahem.

This is something that bothers me.
Concerns.
Believers tend to gather and have these little sessions of "Joys and Concerns"... you know what I'm talking about. Usually it takes place during youth events, like Sunday school or youth group. But adults are just as... guilty, you could say... Sometimes there are even slots for joys and concerns during church services.

... Not a fan.
Why?

Because.
That's why.

[I kid, I kid.]

In all actuality, I feel that they can be a waste of time.
Think about it. How often is that which is mentioned a true concern that we should be lifting up in prayer to our Lord God?

I have a lot of concerns.

Like for my neighbor's co-worker's grandmother's youngest granddaughter's best friend's sister's cat, which has been stuck in a tree for four and a half days. Poor Fluffy...

Okay, that's a pretty ridiculous example. And it's somewhat biased, because I really dislike cats with an extreme passion. But it was based on an actual statement given as a concern in a youth group I have helped out with in the past. From how my memory serves me, my example was practically word-for-word, not even kidding.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to pray for that stupid cat.
Heart issue?
Perhaps.
But there are concerns... issues... problems... - whatever you want to call them - out there that should take... priority, I suppose, in our prayer lives, both in a congregation and as an individual.

People in this world are dying every day.
People in this world are alive to sin, and only sin.
People in this world do not have the assurance of salvation.

They do not know love.
They do not know mercy.
They do not know grace.

They do not know our Lord God.
They do not know Jesus Christ, Messiah and Son of God.
They do not know the Holy Spirit.

THOSE... are legitimate concerns.