Ch. 777: The List - Happiness

Ha! Happiness... Fun fact: I just wrote a post on my other blog titled 'Happiness. Pure happiness.'
[By the way, today is actually February 28, not February 15. And I am glad that I am behind in writing my posts... because if I had truly written this post on February 15, it would have been written/read a lot differently...]

For the past three[ish] weeks, I have been... happy. Very happy. I haven't necessarily felt joyful, mind you, but that is okay. Yet that is important to note, I think, seeing how there is a difference between being filled with happiness and being filled with joy. Anyway, this is kind of a strange feeling for me. It's not that I am never happy - that is far from the truth. But I can't remember when I had such great feelings of happiness for an extended period of time such as this. It has been consistent. Steady. Seemingly ever-growing, even, and I can't fully explain it. I mean, I'm not on one of those "spiritual highs", nor am I going through a time of a prayer [for happiness] being answered - although I am more than thankful to God for it all.

I know that there are a number of factors in my life that have been contributing to my happiness. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However, I do not think that our levels of happiness should be entirely dependent on our circumstances and "stuff" and... whatever [Am I eloquent or what?!]. Part of me believes that we should simply be able to be glad for the life that we have and the blessings that God gives us... and be happy. Of course sometimes - or a lot of times - that is easier said than done. I also wonder just how greatly our personalities play a role in our happiness or lack thereof. It is difficult for me to decide where I stand on that. And then of course there are also issues like chemical imbalances that allow for depression to affect people and it can be so very difficult for them to truly just... be happy.

That saddens me.

I feel that happiness is actually taken somewhat too lightly. It is important. It truly is. It can affect us so greatly, and also others through us. While I don't think that happiness is as contagious as joy, it can certainly lead to good things for others. Happiness is attractive. If you seem to be more happy than usual, people are more likely to approach you and converse with you; they'll be curious as to what is different for you and why you're so happy - trust me when I say I am speaking from recent personal experience. You can use those opportunities to speak of the goodness of God and those blessings that you feel He has bestowed upon you that have contributed to your happiness. Well. If that's truly the case, that is. If you're happy because your mean ol' great-great-grandma passed away and left you quite an inheritance, so be it. And... I guess... that can be counted as a blessing, too... okay, different example: If you're happy because your brother broke up with his stupid girlfriend you really didn't like, so be it. Spread the news. Why not? Just be sensitive about it...

ANYWAY.

But seriously. I think that happiness can lead to a lot of great conversations, especially conversations regarding God and the hope that you have in Him. I mean, I don't know about you - but knowing that my life lies in the hands of my Lord God gives me reason to be pretty happy!

There are also a variety of things that bring happiness, of course, that may seem pretty general or very specific.

For example, people make me happy.
Knowing that God created each individual... it makes my heart happy.
Being warm makes me happy.
I hate being cold, and warmth brings out the best in me, I feel.
Queen City Christian Church youth make me happy.
Those kids are so great, and I am blessed to be their sponsor.
Green vegetation makes me happy.
The knowledge of coming spring floods me with an impatient peace.

And it continues...

Being happy is good.
I think that God desires for us to be happy.

Sometimes I think that one way we can be happy is to give ourselves attitude checks and tweak our mindsets. I have found that if you start your day with the expectation that it will be a good day, and that God will bless you, and the belief that you are happy, chances are your day will be characterized by each of these things becoming and remaining true.

Ch. 738 - Radiance

'The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.'
[Hebrews 1:3]

What a majestic and powerful God I know.

I feel so overwhelmed right now... but in a good way.
I am also very content. At peace. What a wonderful place to be.
Hmmm... thankful that my Lord God holds my life in His hands.
Pure and simple.

......

Click here to revisit Chapter 214.

Ch. 679 - Obey and Rest

"Rest in My peace."

... Easier said than done.

I didn't want to.
So I walked away.
Too much work on my plate.

"Rest in My peace."

I didn't want to.
So I picked up the pace.
Too many thoughts on my mind.

"Rest in My peace."

I didn't want to.
So I started to run.
Too much weight on my shoulders.

You know what?
It can be quite difficult to run when you feel like you've got the world on your shoulders.

"Rest. Be with me."

So I stopped.
How could I not?

I turned my gaze to the throne of God.
Heart.
Mind.
Spirit.

Adoration.

He freely offers so much.
Step up to His table.

Presence.
Absolute immersion.

......

"My soul sings, my soul sings, my soul sings how I love You."

"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art."

......

Inexpressible desires. Needs. Hurts. Prayers.
True freedom.
Given through the worshiping of His Spirit by my own.

He is praiseworthy.

GLORY.

Love Him.
Listen to Him.
Obey Him.

"Rest in My peace."

Refreshed.


'Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.'
[Psalm 139:7,9-10,23-24]

Ch. 202 - My Shield

'And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.'
[Philippians 4:7-9]

Praise upon praise upon praise that I have the peace of God...

Ch. 200 - A Divine Order

The only thing that's going through my head right now is how incredible it is that God truly has a plan for me. He has put every step I take into motion. He knows what is going to happen. I know I've been saying this pretty often lately, but it seems I can't wrap my mind around it. I mean, honestly. He does know what we're going to be doing. Where we'll be going. Who we'll be meeting.

And that gives me such a peace and comfort that it almost scares me.
I've said it before - I'm a planner. But I'm finally completely okay with the fact that God has the reins. My life is in the palm of His hand and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. Conversations. Failures. Accidents. Meetings. You go through trials for a reason. You go through joys for a reason. Everything is part of God's plan for you. It may take a very long time for you to see why something happened, but chances are you will understand eventually. God reveals things on His time, not ours.

God keeps us on our toes. Definitely a good thing. I can ask, "My God, where are you?" all I want, and keep thinking that He's hiding from me. But it's always the other way around. Thankfully, when I earnestly try to find Him, He reveals Himself almost instantly. As soon as He does this, He speaks to me with such beautiful words and gives me encouragement, strength and advice. Whether it's through sermons, people, music... He never fails. I usually hit the ground pretty hard and find myself at a very low point right before I find Him. But He lifts me up. I cannot give Him enough thanks and praise for all He has done, is doing and will do for Me.

I can only imagine what He has in store for my future. But I know that everything has been set out just so in His hand, so I have no reason to worry. Beautiful.


'Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.'
[Psalm 28:6-7]

Ch. 104 - Peace and Unity

'How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!'
[Psalm 133:1]

'Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.'
[Hebrews 12:14]

7. May 2010 Edit:

I appreciate these verses more when they are put together. I have come to gain the personal view that there cannot be true unity without peace. But I do think that you can have peace without unity. Which really is a shame, because disunity can do so much harm to a person or people, a place, an idea or dream... But God wants each of these things for us. He could make them happen in an instant, if He truly so desired. But what good would that do us? Would we learn anything? That is, other than our God is mighty and entirely reigns over us... ? I simply don't think that we would truly appreciate being in peace and unity, because we would not have entirely worked for it ourselves. Granted, God would help us along the way, but by just restructuring everything in an instant to attain these things would not be completely wonderful.

Ch. 72 - An Accumulation

I've written before about not realizing something is true until after I've said it. This happened again this past Tuesday, but I was realizing things were true as I was saying them, not after. I had gone to the diversity dialogues; the topic was spirituality and religious beliefs so I figured it'd be really interesting, which it was.

I love listening to people speak about their beliefs, views and opinions; I find so many people's thoughts to be fascinating.

After the dialogue I headed up to Ute-Nited with Katie and Chongkai. It was 'over' but it was at the point where people were still hanging around. No real 'talk' or 'debate' had started yet, but I knew that would come soon. Sure enough, it picks up and we're talking about communion. Really meaningful. I'm not going to get into that, though.

Story time.

Things wrap up and people are chatting a bit. I'm with Kastin and Carly. Laughing. Having a good time. I go to throw my water bottle away and he bounds over chairs, yelling my name. I tell him I'm not leaving, but to him that doesn't matter. Time for a hug. We chat a bit. He starts asking questions [I haven't been around lately.]. That's when small talk turns into an unforeseen avowal.

That's when I realized how many things were bothering me, even though I hadn't acknowledged or even recognized them before. I don't often let people know how I'm feeling. I tend to bottle things up inside and even when I reach the boiling point I spill over onto paper or a running trail.

When I begin to let him in on everything that's been going on, it's like we're both finding out for the first time. I cry. I've said it before, I'm going to say it again: I cry rarely.

For some twisted reason, it's like a source of pride for me.

Why?

I haven't the faintest idea. I mean, it's not like I have some 'tough-girl' image to maintain.

So when those tears fell, imagine my surprise. One thing after another came out of my mouth, without giving thought to what I was saying. No hesitation. But it was difficult. That... chat... was by no means enjoyable. Until the end - which was uplifting. Thank God for simple words.

"Jesus has your back."

The entire ordeal was like a psalm. Starting a few weeks ago, technically, and ending today: there's the complaining... crying out to God... a supplication, perhaps... and then the turn-around point, laying it all at the foot of the cross... praising God... giving thanks.

It's time to give up again. I can't hold on to everything to try and figure it out. Sometimes that simply doesn't work.

God likes to get his point across in a lot of different ways, that's for sure.


'And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask.'
[Ruth 3:11]

This is Boaz speaking to Ruth after she asks that he cover her with his garment because he is a kinsman-redeemer. He tells her that he will do so because she is a virtuous woman and even the townsmen know she is a woman of noble character. But as I was reading today, I really felt God was speaking to me through this verse. '... my daughter...' Beautiful.

Ch. 58 - Random, R-r-random

Alright. Now that I'm over myself and the pity party has ended, life continues.

Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.

STAB stands for this:

Success
Tired
Alone
Bored

When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.

After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.

I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.

I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.

Why?

Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.

I bet you didn't see that one coming.

I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.

This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.

I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.

God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.


'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]

......

Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:

I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.

Ch. 49 - It's All Good

I really just don't have much to say at this point in time.

I'm good.
God is good.
Family is good.
Friends are good.

I love this.

Love this.

I'm complaisant... but complacent.

I don't want to be complacent, though. And I'm complacent in a non-faith aspect. I'm at a standstill in my faith. I'm starting to simply go through the motions. I need to change that.

But I'm still good.


'If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.'
[Job 36:11]

Ch. 32 - Peace

Yesterday I made my final decision in regards to where I'll be next year.

I'm staying.

I know that's the second time I've said that (see Chapters 14 and 15...), but I truly mean it this time.

I had been praying about it for what seemed like years. I decided to make one last list of pros and cons for each school and such. I had done so in my head, but hadn't actually written them out. That helped. I prayed about it some more and I really think God wants me here for now. I sat down, thought about it a bit more, and simply said, "Yep. I'm staying here." Interestingly enough, I checked my e-mail a bit after that and found that I had been accepted to Central [Christian College of the Bible], which is where I had decided I would go if I were to transfer - upon acceptance, of course. You know, I can always get my master's in Biblical, religious, etc. studies or pursue a master's in Divinity. We'll see.

I really think this is the best thing to do. I will receive a very well-rounded education, mature a bit more, let my roots grow where I've planted them. There will come a time when I can start another adventure. But for now I want to continue to explore the unknown of this adventure I basically just started.

Peace is what I feel... finally. The whole ordeal was truly pressing and a weight on my shoulders. It was starting to consume me, in a sense. I would think about only that. I prayed about only that. I wasn't sleeping well - or at all, some nights - due to excess, racing thoughts and that ever-present feeling of worry. Worried about what, exactly, I don't even know. What I was potentially getting myself into? Leaving everyone and everything I've come to love and cherish? The list could go on, I suppose.

But that weight has been lifted and I'm worry-free.


'A heart at peace gives life to the body...'
[Proverbs 14:30]

Ch. 14 - Uh-oh? Maybe not.

Houston, we have a problem.

Here's a general idea of what has been going through my mind over and over the past few days: 'What if this isn't really what God wants, but what I want?'

I don't know how or when this thought came to be, and I don't really care... but I'll tell you one thing: I don't like it. I mean, if it is truly God saying, "Hey - listen up. I want you here, doing this," then I'm basically not showing any faith and it becomes an issue of trusting God. But if it is me, then I'm basically saying that God is telling me to do something when He's really not, which is definitely not a good thing (trust me, I would know) and it becomes an issue of discernment.

I have no peace whatsoever about the entire situation. I'm at the point where I simply don't know what to do. I can't turn to my parents, they've made their point loud and clear in that I'm the only one who will make this decision. I completely understand and really appreciate their saying that, actually, but I wish I had a little non-Divine help on this one. Yet nobody can direct me but God. I've been praying for a lot of guidance lately (although when do I not?), and affirmation in my doing the right thing. The only thing is, I haven't received any answers from God. Could it be that I'm praying for the wrong thing?

I think it's important to let you know that I am a huge advocate of prayer. I spend a lot of time in prayer and intercession. If I'm not talking with people or doing something that requires a lot of focus, I'm usually praying. You hear it often - 'God answers prayers.' I believe this entirely. I'll let you in on something: God answers my prayers every day (I love my life). It's truly an amazing experience when you realize that God has just answered a prayer. It's one of those things, too - I know it's not me just wanting to think something is an affirmation or answer, but that it's truly from God. I write down each of these 'experiences' and sometimes when I feel that God isn't listening (even though I know He always is) or I feel distant from God I'll open that notebook and read what I've written. They give me hope, in a sense.

Now, I don't know if God answers my prayers as often as He does because I have a beautiful prayer life with Him, or if it's a bonus, if you will, of intercession. But it gets to me when I ask for one thing above all else right now, and don't receive the tiniest hint of... anything. Sure, I pray about other things along with guidance and affirmation, and I've received answers in regards to those other things, but they don't matter to me as much as what I've been asking for continuously the past few weeks.

......

Ch. 14, Part Two:

Today I prayed for a reason as to why God isn't throwing me a bone here.

I think I understand.

I'm putting myself in front of others. That's it. It's so obvious to me now! Here I am, wanting to make a difference in the lives of people through and for God and do great things for others, but all I'm doing is focusing on me, me, me. That will get me nowhere.

I've been doing a study on the gospel of Mark recently and at one point in chapter nine the disciples argue among themselves about which of them is the greatest disciple. Mark says Jesus knew they had been arguing, but He asked them what it had been about. Yet they were silent because they were ashamed of what they had been arguing about. Of course, Jesus already knew...


' "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." '
[Mark 9:35]

I want to be the very last. By being the very last, I think, I will draw all the closer to God. And that's been my greatest prayer of all since... I don't know when.