I didn't get any sleep last night. I was busy not studying for LOC and writing papers for Foundations. Not bad, really. But I really was very tired. I started the day at a low, went up to a nice high where I thought everything was funny, then crashed back down to another low. I'm not going to lie, I definitely had a difficult time staying awake in my classes. I did the best I could, scout's honor! I am never pulling an all-nighter ever again...
... that's a lie.
Even though I knew what the day was going to be like, I knew that God would help me make the most out of it. I took each step with a smile and looked forward to what every new hour would bring. Talking - er, more like listening - about joy in Discipleship was great (yeah, shoutout to Mr. Worstell), seeing how I'm sort of on a joy kick right now.
I just love it here.
I love my classes.
I love simple, ol' Moberly.
I love my friends.
I know who to turn to when I'm feeling upset.
I know who to turn to when I need a hug (or don't, but want one anyway).
I know who to turn to when I've got a story to tell.
I know who to turn to when I want some advice.
I've got a new family here at Central and I'm excited. God is going to work through us all in amazing ways and I can't wait to see what He has in store for these beautiful people I'm coming to know and love dearly.
October 7, 2008
October 6, 2008
Ch. 210 - Born of God
'Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.'
[John 1:12-13]
25. August 2010 Edit:
I am a child of God.
A beloved daughter.
I love my parents. A lot. And I know they love me. A lot. So it truly fascinates me to think of how greatly my Lord God loves me. Because I know that His love surpasses my parents' love to an entirely incomprehensible degree. I also think it is interesting that it is our right to become children of God. It is not a privilege, which can be taken away. It is not a reward that we must earn by doing something worthwhile or good. God loves us that much. I have nothing else to say. I am simply that awestruck.
[John 1:12-13]
25. August 2010 Edit:
I am a child of God.
A beloved daughter.
I love my parents. A lot. And I know they love me. A lot. So it truly fascinates me to think of how greatly my Lord God loves me. Because I know that His love surpasses my parents' love to an entirely incomprehensible degree. I also think it is interesting that it is our right to become children of God. It is not a privilege, which can be taken away. It is not a reward that we must earn by doing something worthwhile or good. God loves us that much. I have nothing else to say. I am simply that awestruck.
October 5, 2008
Ch. 209 - Questions
As I'm working on opening my Bible more and more, I'm realizing that a lot of questions are coming up. I'm not going to list them out or anything, I just thought I'd bring it up for now. Maybe dive into one of these questions here or there. It's just that I've never really had a lot of questions come up as I've read. I've gone through chapters and books like it's nobody's business, but not given it a whole lot of thought. I mean, I could go through the entire Bible, word for word, in a week if I wanted to. I'd comprehend what I'm reading really well, but at the same time probably not get a whole lot out of it, you know? But now I'm really wanting to completely understand the word of God and use it as a guide and resource, not just as a book to read for Bible study or to be a good little Christian.
So here we go...
'For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.'
[Hebrews 4:12]
So here we go...
'For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.'
[Hebrews 4:12]
October 4, 2008
Ch. 208 - With the Spirit
I read Galatians during breakfast this morning. I really like the book of Galatians, especially chapters three, five and six. In fact, for my exegesis in Foundations of Christianity I went with the Galatians 6:7-10 option. Anyway, something I read really stuck out to me.
'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.'
[Galatians 5:22-26]
'Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.'
[v. 25]
This was what stuck out to me the most.
I am saved. The Holy Spirit lives in my heart. But I seem to forget that a lot. Am I truly living a Spirit-filled life? A life that is pleasing to God? Paul goes on to list the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are these fruits the main portions of my diet? I'd like to think they are... but I know that they are not.
If I want to go out and teach others others in this world to live by and with the Spirit, I have to be doing so first. And if I want others to completely be partaking in the fruits of the Spirit, again - I have to be doing so first. I can't expect to be and see a positive change for God's kingdom in this world if I'm not even fully living for and with Him. Trust me when I say that was really difficult to realize and say, but it's certainly the truth and it's about time that I do something about it. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust in the Spirit before I can truly walk with Him.
'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.'
[Galatians 3:26-27]
'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.'
[Galatians 5:22-26]
'Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.'
[v. 25]
This was what stuck out to me the most.
I am saved. The Holy Spirit lives in my heart. But I seem to forget that a lot. Am I truly living a Spirit-filled life? A life that is pleasing to God? Paul goes on to list the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are these fruits the main portions of my diet? I'd like to think they are... but I know that they are not.
If I want to go out and teach others others in this world to live by and with the Spirit, I have to be doing so first. And if I want others to completely be partaking in the fruits of the Spirit, again - I have to be doing so first. I can't expect to be and see a positive change for God's kingdom in this world if I'm not even fully living for and with Him. Trust me when I say that was really difficult to realize and say, but it's certainly the truth and it's about time that I do something about it. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust in the Spirit before I can truly walk with Him.
'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.'
[Galatians 3:26-27]
October 3, 2008
Ch. 207 - Mindset
I've realized that the more I believe the day is going to be good, it is.
The more I don't look forward to it or don't consciously believe it is going to be good, it isn't.
For, believe it or not, the first time in my life, I prayed on mornings this week to God that I would just be with Him and see and feel Him everywhere. That I would be able to grasp His joy and make it my own. I committed my life to him over and over again each day. I laid everything down. I gave Him my burdens. I kept thinking to myself, 'It's going to be a great day. I can't wait to see what happens. God is with me, God is with me.'
I hadn't had such good days since I've been here at Central. I'm not going to lie. And finally, I'm beginning to feel a change for the positive. I'm taking baby steps, but I'm walking towards God and I can't wait to be in His arms once again. I'm also opening His word more and I think that's making a big difference. I knew it would, but didn't really care until I hit that low. These things happen for a reason, that's for sure. Indeed, I now know what it's like to be where I was and I never want to be there again. I know what I have to do to stay away. To stay close to God. Everything we go through is a learning experience. God truly is our greatest Teacher.
'The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.'
[Psalm 145:18-19]
The more I don't look forward to it or don't consciously believe it is going to be good, it isn't.
For, believe it or not, the first time in my life, I prayed on mornings this week to God that I would just be with Him and see and feel Him everywhere. That I would be able to grasp His joy and make it my own. I committed my life to him over and over again each day. I laid everything down. I gave Him my burdens. I kept thinking to myself, 'It's going to be a great day. I can't wait to see what happens. God is with me, God is with me.'
I hadn't had such good days since I've been here at Central. I'm not going to lie. And finally, I'm beginning to feel a change for the positive. I'm taking baby steps, but I'm walking towards God and I can't wait to be in His arms once again. I'm also opening His word more and I think that's making a big difference. I knew it would, but didn't really care until I hit that low. These things happen for a reason, that's for sure. Indeed, I now know what it's like to be where I was and I never want to be there again. I know what I have to do to stay away. To stay close to God. Everything we go through is a learning experience. God truly is our greatest Teacher.
'The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.'
[Psalm 145:18-19]
October 2, 2008
Ch. 206 - A Two-Way Street
This week's memory verse:
'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.'
[James 4:8, NASB]
24. August 2010 Edit:
I personally believe that this is one of those "live-by" verses. Draw near to God. Cleanse... purify... It's good. It's simply good. And I think that by doing these things we will be benefited in a multitude of ways. I think that God desires to bless His children. But if we aren't close with Him, if we aren't striving to be more like His Son, then who are we to assume that He will bestow upon us anything and everything that we desire or even need? It is important that we humble ourselves before our Lord God and ask Him to help us be the people He created us to be. Repent. Confess. Live in and by Him. And He will, indeed, draw near.
'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.'
[James 4:8, NASB]
24. August 2010 Edit:
I personally believe that this is one of those "live-by" verses. Draw near to God. Cleanse... purify... It's good. It's simply good. And I think that by doing these things we will be benefited in a multitude of ways. I think that God desires to bless His children. But if we aren't close with Him, if we aren't striving to be more like His Son, then who are we to assume that He will bestow upon us anything and everything that we desire or even need? It is important that we humble ourselves before our Lord God and ask Him to help us be the people He created us to be. Repent. Confess. Live in and by Him. And He will, indeed, draw near.
October 1, 2008
Ch. 205 - Living With Joy
I needed today to be a good day.
And it was.
God was with me today.
Don't bother saying or thinking, 'He always is!'
I know.
I know, I know, I know.
But I'm going to say it again:
God was with me today.
I'm slowing down.
I'm finding the joy.
I'm seeking HIM.
I'm living peacefully.
It's about time.
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.'
[Psalm 4:6-8]
And it was.
God was with me today.
Don't bother saying or thinking, 'He always is!'
I know.
I know, I know, I know.
But I'm going to say it again:
God was with me today.
I'm slowing down.
I'm finding the joy.
I'm seeking HIM.
I'm living peacefully.
It's about time.
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.'
[Psalm 4:6-8]
September 30, 2008
Ch. 204 - An Attack
I was attacked tonight.
No, I wasn't charged at or punched or kicked or slapped or even verbally attacked.
It was much worse than any of that could possibly be.
I was attacked by the enemy.
I don't know why, exactly.
But I do know that it was not a good time.
I've been heavily attacked a few times before - and tonight was, in comparison, no worse than before. In fact, it was considerably weaker than previous times. The only thing that differed was the fact that I do not feel close to God right now, whereas in the past I was extremely close to God when I was attacked.
I think it was just supposed to be one more thing to try and make me feel that I'm not close with Him. I already know and have said that I'm not. However, I'm now truly striving to work on it... and the fact that I'm walking back to the path I'm supposed to be on is upsetting to the enemy. But I'm not going to be brought down further by him. I'm tired of it. Besides, I have support in this, you know? I have help. I have love. I have prayer. And that's the best thing to have in this situation, I believe.
'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.'
[1 Peter 5:10-11]
No, I wasn't charged at or punched or kicked or slapped or even verbally attacked.
It was much worse than any of that could possibly be.
I was attacked by the enemy.
I don't know why, exactly.
But I do know that it was not a good time.
I've been heavily attacked a few times before - and tonight was, in comparison, no worse than before. In fact, it was considerably weaker than previous times. The only thing that differed was the fact that I do not feel close to God right now, whereas in the past I was extremely close to God when I was attacked.
I think it was just supposed to be one more thing to try and make me feel that I'm not close with Him. I already know and have said that I'm not. However, I'm now truly striving to work on it... and the fact that I'm walking back to the path I'm supposed to be on is upsetting to the enemy. But I'm not going to be brought down further by him. I'm tired of it. Besides, I have support in this, you know? I have help. I have love. I have prayer. And that's the best thing to have in this situation, I believe.
'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.'
[1 Peter 5:10-11]
September 29, 2008
Ch. 203 - Don't You Remember?
I made a commitment to God almost nine months ago (see Ch. 5). A commitment that I hope to never break. A commitment that I shouldn't wait to start living my life by. A commitment that means everything to me.
I have felt like such a punk lately. Honestly, I've just slipped away from the world, it seems - and I've also slipped away from God. I try to dive into His word and as soon as I open my Bible I want to put it down. I try to speak my mind and heart to God and I find my mind wandering. I don't really give Him my undivided attention. I let situations and circumstances from the past control my thoughts and emotions and that is not fair.
It's not fair to me.
It's not fair to my friends and peers.
It's not fair to my God.
This has to be the longest valley I've ever traveled. I feel like I'm walking on sand. Let me tell you... I am more than ready to let God put me on stable ground and help me start climbing a mountain.
I give my life to you, God.
Take from me my burdens.
Make my heart new.
Restore my soul.
Pour out your love, mercy and grace unto me so that I may overflow unto others.
Use me.
'But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.'
[1 Kings 8:61]
I have felt like such a punk lately. Honestly, I've just slipped away from the world, it seems - and I've also slipped away from God. I try to dive into His word and as soon as I open my Bible I want to put it down. I try to speak my mind and heart to God and I find my mind wandering. I don't really give Him my undivided attention. I let situations and circumstances from the past control my thoughts and emotions and that is not fair.
It's not fair to me.
It's not fair to my friends and peers.
It's not fair to my God.
This has to be the longest valley I've ever traveled. I feel like I'm walking on sand. Let me tell you... I am more than ready to let God put me on stable ground and help me start climbing a mountain.
I give my life to you, God.
Take from me my burdens.
Make my heart new.
Restore my soul.
Pour out your love, mercy and grace unto me so that I may overflow unto others.
Use me.
'But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.'
[1 Kings 8:61]
September 28, 2008
Ch. 202 - My Shield
'And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.'
[Philippians 4:7-9]
Praise upon praise upon praise that I have the peace of God...
[Philippians 4:7-9]
Praise upon praise upon praise that I have the peace of God...
September 27, 2008
Ch. 201 - A New Walk
Over the last two days, I've been told by four people that I walk fast. And just because four people said something doesn't mean each person only said it once...
I do walk fast.
I often find myself speaking as if it's the last time I'll ever be able to talk.
Thoughts fly through my mind, seemingly at millions of miles per second.
Why?
I am a positive and definite advocate of punctuality.
I don't want to be a bother and make others wait on me.
I get excited when I feel as if what I want to say is of worth.
I don't want to sound like I have no clue what I'm saying as I'm saying it.
I sometimes feel as if I can't control my thought processes.
I don't want to think about one thing for too long a time.
These may or may not be the true reasons as to why I walk, speak and think quickly. I honestly couldn't tell you. I think the first statements that correlate with each thing I do make the most sense to me and are the truest of all the statements.
However, I think the absolute reason is this:
I don't want to waste time.
I really do feel as if I always need to be going, going, going. I can't waste time doing this or doing that when I could and should be doing this or doing that. Yet I'll go on a long, but quick-paced walk in the evening to get away and just spend time with God. I enjoy doing so, but sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing things the way I should be. Right now it's more like quantity over quality. I don't like this! It's simply what happens. Time to change things up. I actually feel pretty worn out, you know? And I don't feel as if my spiritual life is as great as it could be.
Most people have heard the saying, "Take time to stop and smell the roses." I'm realizing that I really do not do this. I think I have a pretty deep appreciation for a lot of things and people... but I'm not applying that appreciation, showing that appreciation, if that makes sense.
A bit ago I read a chapter in one of my Discipleship books. I had already been thinking about the fact that I really do rush around a lot, both physically and spiritually. Then, as I was walking and chatting with one of my friends (and yes, he was one of the people who said I walk fast) today, he mentioned this chapter in the book. Reading that chapter was actually next on my to-do list for homework anyway, but he kind of set things up for me and unknowingly helped me prepare my mind for it, which was nice.
... The chapter is titled 'An Unhurried Life'. Hm. How appropriate!
What can I say? It's a God thing.
The chapter really helped me see how fast people take life and how doing so simply isn't good for you. One of my favorite parts of the chapter was in the very beginning. The author is talking about how he had called a friend for some spiritual direction. He asked him, "What do I need to do to be spiritually healthy?" The friend replied, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." As soon as I read that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. It was basically an 'Aha!' moment. I was really grateful that the author included his situation and that story in this chapter.
The life we have on Earth is short.
The life we have on Earth is dirt compared to the life we will have in Heaven.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't things to see and enjoy here.
That doesn't mean that God doesn't want us to slow down and cherish what we have been given.
I'm ready to challenge myself to slow down.
I'm excited to see what will happen in the long (and maybe even short) run of things by slowing down.
'The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones. For who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who is like the Lord among the heavenly beings?'
[Psalm 89:5-6]
I do walk fast.
I often find myself speaking as if it's the last time I'll ever be able to talk.
Thoughts fly through my mind, seemingly at millions of miles per second.
Why?
I am a positive and definite advocate of punctuality.
I don't want to be a bother and make others wait on me.
I get excited when I feel as if what I want to say is of worth.
I don't want to sound like I have no clue what I'm saying as I'm saying it.
I sometimes feel as if I can't control my thought processes.
I don't want to think about one thing for too long a time.
These may or may not be the true reasons as to why I walk, speak and think quickly. I honestly couldn't tell you. I think the first statements that correlate with each thing I do make the most sense to me and are the truest of all the statements.
However, I think the absolute reason is this:
I don't want to waste time.
I really do feel as if I always need to be going, going, going. I can't waste time doing this or doing that when I could and should be doing this or doing that. Yet I'll go on a long, but quick-paced walk in the evening to get away and just spend time with God. I enjoy doing so, but sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing things the way I should be. Right now it's more like quantity over quality. I don't like this! It's simply what happens. Time to change things up. I actually feel pretty worn out, you know? And I don't feel as if my spiritual life is as great as it could be.
Most people have heard the saying, "Take time to stop and smell the roses." I'm realizing that I really do not do this. I think I have a pretty deep appreciation for a lot of things and people... but I'm not applying that appreciation, showing that appreciation, if that makes sense.
A bit ago I read a chapter in one of my Discipleship books. I had already been thinking about the fact that I really do rush around a lot, both physically and spiritually. Then, as I was walking and chatting with one of my friends (and yes, he was one of the people who said I walk fast) today, he mentioned this chapter in the book. Reading that chapter was actually next on my to-do list for homework anyway, but he kind of set things up for me and unknowingly helped me prepare my mind for it, which was nice.
... The chapter is titled 'An Unhurried Life'. Hm. How appropriate!
What can I say? It's a God thing.
The chapter really helped me see how fast people take life and how doing so simply isn't good for you. One of my favorite parts of the chapter was in the very beginning. The author is talking about how he had called a friend for some spiritual direction. He asked him, "What do I need to do to be spiritually healthy?" The friend replied, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." As soon as I read that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. It was basically an 'Aha!' moment. I was really grateful that the author included his situation and that story in this chapter.
The life we have on Earth is short.
The life we have on Earth is dirt compared to the life we will have in Heaven.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't things to see and enjoy here.
That doesn't mean that God doesn't want us to slow down and cherish what we have been given.
I'm ready to challenge myself to slow down.
I'm excited to see what will happen in the long (and maybe even short) run of things by slowing down.
'The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones. For who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who is like the Lord among the heavenly beings?'
[Psalm 89:5-6]
September 26, 2008
Ch. 200 - A Divine Order
The only thing that's going through my head right now is how incredible it is that God truly has a plan for me. He has put every step I take into motion. He knows what is going to happen. I know I've been saying this pretty often lately, but it seems I can't wrap my mind around it. I mean, honestly. He does know what we're going to be doing. Where we'll be going. Who we'll be meeting.
And that gives me such a peace and comfort that it almost scares me.
I've said it before - I'm a planner. But I'm finally completely okay with the fact that God has the reins. My life is in the palm of His hand and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. Conversations. Failures. Accidents. Meetings. You go through trials for a reason. You go through joys for a reason. Everything is part of God's plan for you. It may take a very long time for you to see why something happened, but chances are you will understand eventually. God reveals things on His time, not ours.
God keeps us on our toes. Definitely a good thing. I can ask, "My God, where are you?" all I want, and keep thinking that He's hiding from me. But it's always the other way around. Thankfully, when I earnestly try to find Him, He reveals Himself almost instantly. As soon as He does this, He speaks to me with such beautiful words and gives me encouragement, strength and advice. Whether it's through sermons, people, music... He never fails. I usually hit the ground pretty hard and find myself at a very low point right before I find Him. But He lifts me up. I cannot give Him enough thanks and praise for all He has done, is doing and will do for Me.
I can only imagine what He has in store for my future. But I know that everything has been set out just so in His hand, so I have no reason to worry. Beautiful.
'Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.'
[Psalm 28:6-7]
And that gives me such a peace and comfort that it almost scares me.
I've said it before - I'm a planner. But I'm finally completely okay with the fact that God has the reins. My life is in the palm of His hand and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. Conversations. Failures. Accidents. Meetings. You go through trials for a reason. You go through joys for a reason. Everything is part of God's plan for you. It may take a very long time for you to see why something happened, but chances are you will understand eventually. God reveals things on His time, not ours.
God keeps us on our toes. Definitely a good thing. I can ask, "My God, where are you?" all I want, and keep thinking that He's hiding from me. But it's always the other way around. Thankfully, when I earnestly try to find Him, He reveals Himself almost instantly. As soon as He does this, He speaks to me with such beautiful words and gives me encouragement, strength and advice. Whether it's through sermons, people, music... He never fails. I usually hit the ground pretty hard and find myself at a very low point right before I find Him. But He lifts me up. I cannot give Him enough thanks and praise for all He has done, is doing and will do for Me.
I can only imagine what He has in store for my future. But I know that everything has been set out just so in His hand, so I have no reason to worry. Beautiful.
'Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.'
[Psalm 28:6-7]
September 25, 2008
Ch. 199 - Lead Me, O God
This week's memory verse:
'Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.'
[Psalm 139:23-24, NASB]
23. August 2010 Edit:
These are pretty well-known verses, I believe. I wonder just how often each day they are turned into prayers lifted up to my Lord God. I know I have done so in the past, and will do so in the future. Yet I believe that it is a difficult prayer to pray. I like to think that I retain a mystery factor. "Only I know this or that..." Not true. God does know my heart. Oh goodness... He does know my anxious thoughts. Uh-oh... Oh, and if - okay, when - He sees there is a hurtful way in me, I'm never really so sure that I want to know about it! Because that means I have to make a change and we all know how difficult that can be... But the revelations He gives us because of His divine insight are to help us, not make us nervous or irritated. They are to help us so that He can, indeed, lead us in the everlasting way. Because we cannot - no matter what we think - do it on our own. We need that discipline, love, and guidance that He provides us.
'Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.'
[Psalm 139:23-24, NASB]
23. August 2010 Edit:
These are pretty well-known verses, I believe. I wonder just how often each day they are turned into prayers lifted up to my Lord God. I know I have done so in the past, and will do so in the future. Yet I believe that it is a difficult prayer to pray. I like to think that I retain a mystery factor. "Only I know this or that..." Not true. God does know my heart. Oh goodness... He does know my anxious thoughts. Uh-oh... Oh, and if - okay, when - He sees there is a hurtful way in me, I'm never really so sure that I want to know about it! Because that means I have to make a change and we all know how difficult that can be... But the revelations He gives us because of His divine insight are to help us, not make us nervous or irritated. They are to help us so that He can, indeed, lead us in the everlasting way. Because we cannot - no matter what we think - do it on our own. We need that discipline, love, and guidance that He provides us.
September 24, 2008
Ch. 198 - Talking to Learn
I don't talk a whole lot. I mean, I do when I'm comfortable with people. But even then - as I've said many times before - I like to listen more than talk. But I'm finding out that the more I do talk, the more I learn about myself. I hope that makes sense. It's kind of like as I say something, I have to slow down because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. And it makes me think. 'Did I really just say that? Wow, do I mean this? Is that how I really feel? Hm. That makes sense... Ok, yeah! Yeah, I'll go with that! Great!'
As I speak up more and talk to people about faith and God and journeys, I'm learning more about my relationship with God and where I am at certain points in time. And I'm really grateful for this. I'm also glad that God knows me better than I do. He knows where I'm coming from, where I am, where I'm going. He knows the depths of my heart and I love the fact that He loves me for who I am, no matter what.
God is good.
'My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'
[Psalm 139:15-16]
As I speak up more and talk to people about faith and God and journeys, I'm learning more about my relationship with God and where I am at certain points in time. And I'm really grateful for this. I'm also glad that God knows me better than I do. He knows where I'm coming from, where I am, where I'm going. He knows the depths of my heart and I love the fact that He loves me for who I am, no matter what.
God is good.
'My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'
[Psalm 139:15-16]
September 23, 2008
Ch. 197 - The Desire
I want God to put my heart in a dishwasher. Extra strength cleansing. Honestly. I need it.
And you know, I'm just so tired. My soul is tired. My heart is tired. And I really need to stop lying to myself, saying that everything's okay. I need to stop pushing people away and isolating myself. I need to tear down the façade I've built. Pronto.
Man. How do things get out of hand so quickly and subtly? Seriously.
And now I feel all emo. Dang it.
'Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.'
[Psalm 51:10-11]
And you know, I'm just so tired. My soul is tired. My heart is tired. And I really need to stop lying to myself, saying that everything's okay. I need to stop pushing people away and isolating myself. I need to tear down the façade I've built. Pronto.
Man. How do things get out of hand so quickly and subtly? Seriously.
And now I feel all emo. Dang it.
'Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.'
[Psalm 51:10-11]
September 22, 2008
Ch. 196 - Thanks
God knows what we need and when we need it.
'Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!'
[Psalm 32:10]
'Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!'
[Psalm 32:10]
September 21, 2008
Ch. 195 - This Is IT
I've had it with myself. I am so ridiculous. If I have to go above and beyond and work at this harder than anybody's ever had to work... if that's what it's going to take... so be it.
I'm there.
I'm ready.
Watch it.
'Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.'
[James 4:10]
I'm there.
I'm ready.
Watch it.
'Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.'
[James 4:10]
September 20, 2008
Ch. 194 - Not Worth It
' "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." '
[Luke 6:27-28]
I really need to do just this. It's not even that I have enemies or people who hate me or curse me - or I at least hope I don't! Eh, mistreat me, maybe. But seriously - I have it good compared to a lot of people. However, I can still become discouraged or upset based on what people do or say, even if something's not exactly directed towards me.
I just pray that God will lay what Christ said in Luke 6:27-28 on my heart all the more, no matter what situation I am in. Big deal, not a big deal... serious matter, light matter... it's important to truly love everybody for who they are and to meet them where they are.
[Luke 6:27-28]
I really need to do just this. It's not even that I have enemies or people who hate me or curse me - or I at least hope I don't! Eh, mistreat me, maybe. But seriously - I have it good compared to a lot of people. However, I can still become discouraged or upset based on what people do or say, even if something's not exactly directed towards me.
I just pray that God will lay what Christ said in Luke 6:27-28 on my heart all the more, no matter what situation I am in. Big deal, not a big deal... serious matter, light matter... it's important to truly love everybody for who they are and to meet them where they are.
September 19, 2008
Ch. 193 - Sacrifice
I'm not sacrificing anything.
I don't know how, exactly, but I want to change that.
Sacrifice has new meaning for us as believers. Romans 12:1 says we are to be living sacrifices, and that it's our spiritual act of worship. This is pleasing to God. We should want to sacrifice for our God.
We have to give up our lives and continually give more than we have.
When you sacrifice that which cost you nothing, your sacrifice is greater than you can imagine.
What would the world - and the body of Christ - look like if we willingly sacrificed more in order to serve and please God, as well as serve others?
'For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will.'
[2 Corinthians 8:3-5]
I don't know how, exactly, but I want to change that.
Sacrifice has new meaning for us as believers. Romans 12:1 says we are to be living sacrifices, and that it's our spiritual act of worship. This is pleasing to God. We should want to sacrifice for our God.
We have to give up our lives and continually give more than we have.
When you sacrifice that which cost you nothing, your sacrifice is greater than you can imagine.
What would the world - and the body of Christ - look like if we willingly sacrificed more in order to serve and please God, as well as serve others?
'For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will.'
[2 Corinthians 8:3-5]
September 18, 2008
Ch. 192 - I NEED YOU
My God, my God, where are You?
I'm not doing too well.
I really need some down time with God... for like, a few days.
That's it.
Nothing and no one but God.
I technically have the freedom to do that, but it's so difficult when you're constantly with people who you know will ask questions. Sometimes I wish I could get away with just not talking to people. Ever. Isn't that terrible?
Today was not fun.
I'm dealing with so much at once, it seems.
Lies.
Death.
Oppression, even.
And to top it all off, it's so frustrating that dinner's at 5! Man!
I just feel tired. I'm so tired I want to scream. Strange, I know, but it's me. What can I say? Tonight I was running and I just kept going and going. Running's my tonic. Whenever I'm running, I'm good to go. Nothing can touch me. But I suddenly had to just stop. I cried out to God and prayed and tried to listen for Him, but I felt so alone.
Right now I feel as if having a relationship with God is really easy... but I'm making it really difficult for myself. Ridiculous.
'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.'
[2 Corinthians 1:3-5]
I'm not doing too well.
I really need some down time with God... for like, a few days.
That's it.
Nothing and no one but God.
I technically have the freedom to do that, but it's so difficult when you're constantly with people who you know will ask questions. Sometimes I wish I could get away with just not talking to people. Ever. Isn't that terrible?
Today was not fun.
I'm dealing with so much at once, it seems.
Lies.
Death.
Oppression, even.
And to top it all off, it's so frustrating that dinner's at 5! Man!
I just feel tired. I'm so tired I want to scream. Strange, I know, but it's me. What can I say? Tonight I was running and I just kept going and going. Running's my tonic. Whenever I'm running, I'm good to go. Nothing can touch me. But I suddenly had to just stop. I cried out to God and prayed and tried to listen for Him, but I felt so alone.
Right now I feel as if having a relationship with God is really easy... but I'm making it really difficult for myself. Ridiculous.
'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.'
[2 Corinthians 1:3-5]
Ch. 191 - Treasures
This week's memory verse:
' "Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." '
[Matthew 6:19-21]
22. August 2010 Edit:
People are so strange. I mean, we focus on the here and now... yet also the future.
If I do "this" now... it will get me "that" or "here" in the future.
We will do anything to get ahead. Yet it isn't even always a case of survival of the fittest, necessarily. We want the best for ourselves. We want to impress. We want to be comfortable. We are selfish. We are greedy. And then we become jealous of what we have, and envious of what we do not. People truly lead vicious day-to-day lives. For wealth. For power. For... nothing. These things all pass away. They mean nothing to our Lord God. They are finite, just as we are. Will we get to bring all this "stuff" and whatnot with us when we die? The answer is no. The things that do matter, of course, do not revolve around oneself. That which we store up in heaven can come from many things. But it certainly involves selflessness and humility... things that "we" seem to know little about.
' "Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." '
[Matthew 6:19-21]
22. August 2010 Edit:
People are so strange. I mean, we focus on the here and now... yet also the future.
If I do "this" now... it will get me "that" or "here" in the future.
We will do anything to get ahead. Yet it isn't even always a case of survival of the fittest, necessarily. We want the best for ourselves. We want to impress. We want to be comfortable. We are selfish. We are greedy. And then we become jealous of what we have, and envious of what we do not. People truly lead vicious day-to-day lives. For wealth. For power. For... nothing. These things all pass away. They mean nothing to our Lord God. They are finite, just as we are. Will we get to bring all this "stuff" and whatnot with us when we die? The answer is no. The things that do matter, of course, do not revolve around oneself. That which we store up in heaven can come from many things. But it certainly involves selflessness and humility... things that "we" seem to know little about.
September 17, 2008
Ch. 190 - Created For a Reason
Sometimes it's really difficult for me to see myself as God's creation. Personally, I have no problem looking around me and knowing that God created all that I see - in regards to both the world and people. But when I look at myself, I just can't always believe that I am a child of God. Those typical questions run through my mind: 'Why would God want anything to do with me? How can God love me? What would God want to use me for?'
God knows me better than I do; He knows who I will become. I mean, people change. We are not consistent beings. Minds change. Hearts change. We can't evaluate ourselves once or twice and simply be done forever. Day-to-day evaluation or reflection is neat because it gives us a better sense of ourselves and how God is working in us. And I can't always be asking myself those questions mentioned above, because I don't want to bring myself down. I simply need to remind myself that yes, God created me. Yes, God loves me. Yes, God has a plan for me.
'For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rules or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]
God knows me better than I do; He knows who I will become. I mean, people change. We are not consistent beings. Minds change. Hearts change. We can't evaluate ourselves once or twice and simply be done forever. Day-to-day evaluation or reflection is neat because it gives us a better sense of ourselves and how God is working in us. And I can't always be asking myself those questions mentioned above, because I don't want to bring myself down. I simply need to remind myself that yes, God created me. Yes, God loves me. Yes, God has a plan for me.
'For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rules or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]
September 16, 2008
Ch. 189 - The Dreams
Today in my SALT class my small group leader asked us a question. A simple question. A question with, technically, endless answers. But this question threw me for a loop and I had no idea how to answer it. I did some fast thinking and, when it was my turn, shared an answer that I was surprised to hear myself say.
"What are you guys' dreams?" (Yep. Definitely a Midwesterner.)
Hold up.
'Dreams? What are dreams?' No, just kidding. Honestly, though - I've never truly thought about it. I mean, God cut my first so-called dream for my life completely off this past year. And now I just have a couple of general ideas of what I think God wants to do with my life - but by no means have I ever considered those general ideas to be dreams. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that they could certainly be called dreams, because they both include passions of mine and would be ways of serving God, which is all I ultimately want to do.
Doing missions in the Middle East is a dream of mine. Letting Muslims know that there is something more out there than rituals and the fear of doing enough good deeds to be saved is definitely on my heart. It may or may not be part of God's plan for me, but that's alright. If it is indeed His will, He'll make it evident at one point or another. That was my more apparent 'dream' because I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.
The other dream that I shared was the dream that I realized I had as I was saying it. It's something that's always been on my mind, but I never considered it a dream. But it's something that's of a large enough magnitude that it could be considered a dream. I want to spread the true Gospel to Mormons in Utah. They have this twisted view of Christianity that simply isn't true. And it's not fair to anyone, really, to let them believe that they are saved, when they are not. There's already a movement starting in Salt Lake, right up at the University of Utah. Ute-Nited is definitely going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives, whether they are Mormon or not. It certainly made an impact on me. It - and the people that started it and were part of it - is one of the reasons why I'm here at Central this year.
My SALT group noted that we were all missions majors (or at least are for now...), but we had such different dreams from each other. It's interesting to see what God has placed on our hearts through the lives we've lived so far - and it'll be interesting to see what actually happens over the years, and what dreams will become reality for us.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
......
Ch. 189, Part Two:
This week's memory verse (for Thursday):
'This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written on it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.'
[Joshua 1:8]
"What are you guys' dreams?" (Yep. Definitely a Midwesterner.)
Hold up.
'Dreams? What are dreams?' No, just kidding. Honestly, though - I've never truly thought about it. I mean, God cut my first so-called dream for my life completely off this past year. And now I just have a couple of general ideas of what I think God wants to do with my life - but by no means have I ever considered those general ideas to be dreams. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that they could certainly be called dreams, because they both include passions of mine and would be ways of serving God, which is all I ultimately want to do.
Doing missions in the Middle East is a dream of mine. Letting Muslims know that there is something more out there than rituals and the fear of doing enough good deeds to be saved is definitely on my heart. It may or may not be part of God's plan for me, but that's alright. If it is indeed His will, He'll make it evident at one point or another. That was my more apparent 'dream' because I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.
The other dream that I shared was the dream that I realized I had as I was saying it. It's something that's always been on my mind, but I never considered it a dream. But it's something that's of a large enough magnitude that it could be considered a dream. I want to spread the true Gospel to Mormons in Utah. They have this twisted view of Christianity that simply isn't true. And it's not fair to anyone, really, to let them believe that they are saved, when they are not. There's already a movement starting in Salt Lake, right up at the University of Utah. Ute-Nited is definitely going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives, whether they are Mormon or not. It certainly made an impact on me. It - and the people that started it and were part of it - is one of the reasons why I'm here at Central this year.
My SALT group noted that we were all missions majors (or at least are for now...), but we had such different dreams from each other. It's interesting to see what God has placed on our hearts through the lives we've lived so far - and it'll be interesting to see what actually happens over the years, and what dreams will become reality for us.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]
......
Ch. 189, Part Two:
This week's memory verse (for Thursday):
'This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written on it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.'
[Joshua 1:8]
September 15, 2008
Ch. 188 - Fellowship
I'm learning that fellowship with believers is more important than I once thought it to be. Even when God is not the focus of discussion or anything, or activities are not centered around faith or 'doing good works', just hanging out with friends who are believers is really good for you. The energy just seems to be more positive and I find that I definitely have a better time with believers than nonbelievers (because I certainly do have friends who are not saved). To have God-time with others is nice, but sometimes it doesn't have to just be about God, you know? As long as your actions and words are honoring to God, I think you're good to go; I believe it pleases God to be in fellowship with one another.
'All the believers were together and had everything in common.'
[Acts 2:44]
'All the believers were together and had everything in common.'
[Acts 2:44]
September 14, 2008
Ch. 187 - Appear in Glory
'... For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:3-4]
12. August 2010 Edit:
Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold on a second. 'When Christ, who is your life...' Christ is my life? What a flooring thought. He is not only in my life... He is my life. ... Right? I don't know that I can confidently say that this is true. He should be. I mean, how many times have I said or thought or sang that He is my Everything? And that I give MY everything to Him? If we have truly died and been born into the death of Christ, it should be an ongoing, apparent process... we should be different. Changed. Christ should truly be at the center of our lives. He died for us, the least we could do is live for Him.
Christ is your life.
Make it true.
Make it real.
[Colossians 3:3-4]
12. August 2010 Edit:
Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold on a second. 'When Christ, who is your life...' Christ is my life? What a flooring thought. He is not only in my life... He is my life. ... Right? I don't know that I can confidently say that this is true. He should be. I mean, how many times have I said or thought or sang that He is my Everything? And that I give MY everything to Him? If we have truly died and been born into the death of Christ, it should be an ongoing, apparent process... we should be different. Changed. Christ should truly be at the center of our lives. He died for us, the least we could do is live for Him.
Christ is your life.
Make it true.
Make it real.
September 13, 2008
Ch. 186 - Leaning on God
I can't keep missing people and experiences. I mean, it's alright to do so, I suppose. But when it's getting in the way of my walk with Christ, it's definitely not alright. Things simply aren't the same here as they were in Salt Lake, so I can't expect to grow in the ways I did when I was at the University of Utah. I just can't.
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.
And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.
I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '
I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'
We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.
But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?
'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]
'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]
September 12, 2008
Ch. 185 - A Little Help
James. My new favorite book of the Bible.
'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'
[James 1:2-4]
......
Ch. 185, Part Two:
I just read through some of my previous posts and realized that I've actually been using Scripture verses from James quite a bit recently. I just hadn't realized it until now. And the reason I said that James is my new favorite book of the Bible is because a couple days ago somebody had told me to read it and God spoke to me through basically the entire book. It was really uplifting and is currently helping me deal with some rough patches I'm going through. God is good. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it.
'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'
[James 1:2-4]
......
Ch. 185, Part Two:
I just read through some of my previous posts and realized that I've actually been using Scripture verses from James quite a bit recently. I just hadn't realized it until now. And the reason I said that James is my new favorite book of the Bible is because a couple days ago somebody had told me to read it and God spoke to me through basically the entire book. It was really uplifting and is currently helping me deal with some rough patches I'm going through. God is good. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it.
September 11, 2008
Ch. 184 - Taking the Time
I have not written for one week.
That's a long time.
The pace for school has heavily increased and I find myself not wanting to wind down and think about the day, but instead wanting to simply crawl into bed - and often later than I would like to be going to bed... much later. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying studying and working on my assignments and everything. It's just that there's so much to do in so little time. And I haven't even started basketball practice. Or musical rehearsals. Or regularly volunteering.
The worst part of it all is that I have been spending so much time learning about God and the Bible and faith in class that I haven't been spending time doing personal devotions or reading my Bible for my own pleasure and benefit. I talk to God a few times a day and that's about it. But today I spent a good hour and a half reading and reflecting and truly spending time with my God. Let me tell you... I got about three hours of sleep this morning because I was up studying for a Life of Christ test (which, of course, turned out to be incredibly easier than expected and cut in half question-wise). I was tired. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't think clearly. My head hurt. My eyes hurt. And it was a rainy morning. Ugh! But after I sat down and truly gave my time to God, I returned to classes with a renewed energy and felt more rested than I have in a long time. Oh, trust me: I'm still very tired. But I feel like my soul is more rested; I think that's really important.
I can't pour myself into anything and everything without asking God to pour Himself into me from time to time.
'Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'
[Psalm 143:8]
That's a long time.
The pace for school has heavily increased and I find myself not wanting to wind down and think about the day, but instead wanting to simply crawl into bed - and often later than I would like to be going to bed... much later. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying studying and working on my assignments and everything. It's just that there's so much to do in so little time. And I haven't even started basketball practice. Or musical rehearsals. Or regularly volunteering.
The worst part of it all is that I have been spending so much time learning about God and the Bible and faith in class that I haven't been spending time doing personal devotions or reading my Bible for my own pleasure and benefit. I talk to God a few times a day and that's about it. But today I spent a good hour and a half reading and reflecting and truly spending time with my God. Let me tell you... I got about three hours of sleep this morning because I was up studying for a Life of Christ test (which, of course, turned out to be incredibly easier than expected and cut in half question-wise). I was tired. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't think clearly. My head hurt. My eyes hurt. And it was a rainy morning. Ugh! But after I sat down and truly gave my time to God, I returned to classes with a renewed energy and felt more rested than I have in a long time. Oh, trust me: I'm still very tired. But I feel like my soul is more rested; I think that's really important.
I can't pour myself into anything and everything without asking God to pour Himself into me from time to time.
'Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'
[Psalm 143:8]
September 4, 2008
Ch. 183 - Eye-Openers
Judge, judge, judge. I don't think I've ever truly struggled with anything like this before. I know I judge people, but here at Central it's so much more apparent to me that I do so. With good reason, I suppose. Stereotypes of youth group kids and perfect, little Christians. So with each day that comes and goes, the judgments that I'm passing - even if they are small and seemingly meaningless - are being shoved right back into my face as I'm proven wrong about who these amazing kids truly are. I'm really trying not to judge others. I'm praying for God's guidance in this. I know I need His help with this absolute weakness. It's taken a couple years of praying to learn patience, and although I'm much better than I was in the past, I'm still learning patience. Thus, who knows how long it may take me stop passing judgments? I'm willing to wait. This is important.
'If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner!'
[Proverb 11:31]
'If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner!'
[Proverb 11:31]
September 3, 2008
Ch. 182 - Revel in the Revelation
Oh goodness. I love the book of Revelation.
This week's memory verse:
' "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." '
[Revelation 4:11, NASB]
This week's memory verse:
' "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." '
[Revelation 4:11, NASB]
September 2, 2008
Ch. 181 - Feel the Presence
You are never alone.
Never.
'... so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.'
[Ephesians 3:16-18]
Never.
'... so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.'
[Ephesians 3:16-18]
September 1, 2008
Ch. 180 - All of Him
God is everything to me.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.
When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.
But I want more.
I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.
I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]
I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.
August 31, 2008
Ch. 179 - Exposure
Today I went to a Christian Church in Jefferson City. I knew it was going to be a contemporary service, but it was even more laid-back than I thought it would be. It basically consisted of singing worship songs, communion, more singing, the message, an offering, and a closing prayer. That's it. There wasn't even an invitation to communion; it was just passed down each row. Definitely not what I'm used to, even for a contemporary service. The praise band was really great - I think singing and listening to the band was my favorite part of the service. The message was alright. Because of what the church is going through right now there was a lot of focus on these things called Life Groups, and I don't plan on attending that church while I'm down here at school, so that kind of went over my head.
The sermon focused on serving, but most of it was based on Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. Even though I appreciated the focus of the message (being created to serve, being called to serve, being commanded to serve), I wasn't very impressed. I feel bad for saying that, but it's the simple truth. I'm not going to lie and say that I had a good time or that I can't wait to go back next week. I'm writing about this because it's what I've been thinking about all day. I also think it'll be interesting to read and reflect on in the future.
It just goes to show how things differ from area to area, from church to church and from denomination to denomination. That's one of the only things I don't like about 'Christianity', I think. All of the separation and differences... it's really kind of ridiculous, in my opinion. Why does mankind have to mess everything up? Honestly. And I know there's a reason for it all in God's great plan - I just wish it was apparent to us all at this point in time.
'Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!'
[James 2:12-13]
The sermon focused on serving, but most of it was based on Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. Even though I appreciated the focus of the message (being created to serve, being called to serve, being commanded to serve), I wasn't very impressed. I feel bad for saying that, but it's the simple truth. I'm not going to lie and say that I had a good time or that I can't wait to go back next week. I'm writing about this because it's what I've been thinking about all day. I also think it'll be interesting to read and reflect on in the future.
It just goes to show how things differ from area to area, from church to church and from denomination to denomination. That's one of the only things I don't like about 'Christianity', I think. All of the separation and differences... it's really kind of ridiculous, in my opinion. Why does mankind have to mess everything up? Honestly. And I know there's a reason for it all in God's great plan - I just wish it was apparent to us all at this point in time.
'Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!'
[James 2:12-13]
August 30, 2008
Ch. 178 - Do Not Be Troubled
'Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with the gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.'
[1 Peter 3:13-16, NASB]
11. August 2010 Edit:
It is so easy to pull out the pity card, playing the game as a supposed victim. Poor me, I am a Christian and everybody hates me because I am different [or at least supposed to be...]. I don't do this, I do that. I don't do that, I do this. I go here, I listen to this, I follow that, I am what they say I am - a goody two-shoes. Blah, blah, blah. We can't let others beat us down and then stay in the dirt. Turn the other cheek? Sure. But let them continue to believe that which is false and basically let them keep their preconceived notions? No! Prepare. Take heart, standing strong. Pray. Be guided. And let God use you. Be a blessing and be blessed. It may be difficult. It may hurt. But in the long run, they are the ones who will be hurting, when they find themselves eternally separated from God... when you could have been used in order to make a difference. When they ask their questions, when they challenge you, be ready! Be confident that the Lord is on your "side" and be reminded of the hope that you have in the freedom and grace that you have received.
[1 Peter 3:13-16, NASB]
11. August 2010 Edit:
It is so easy to pull out the pity card, playing the game as a supposed victim. Poor me, I am a Christian and everybody hates me because I am different [or at least supposed to be...]. I don't do this, I do that. I don't do that, I do this. I go here, I listen to this, I follow that, I am what they say I am - a goody two-shoes. Blah, blah, blah. We can't let others beat us down and then stay in the dirt. Turn the other cheek? Sure. But let them continue to believe that which is false and basically let them keep their preconceived notions? No! Prepare. Take heart, standing strong. Pray. Be guided. And let God use you. Be a blessing and be blessed. It may be difficult. It may hurt. But in the long run, they are the ones who will be hurting, when they find themselves eternally separated from God... when you could have been used in order to make a difference. When they ask their questions, when they challenge you, be ready! Be confident that the Lord is on your "side" and be reminded of the hope that you have in the freedom and grace that you have received.
August 29, 2008
Ch. 177 - Skool is Kool
I'm going to go past the fact that God is the greatest Teacher, because that's obvious to me. I know that. And I love learning in the world that is His classroom. But it's really neat to see Him at work in classrooms here at school. I've never experienced this kind of learning environment before, so it's like I'm learning twice as much at one time, if that makes sense. Either way, I wouldn't trade what's happening here in general or within me for anything in the world right now.
' "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am.'
[John 13:13]
' "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am.'
[John 13:13]
August 28, 2008
Ch. 176 - Everything is "Fine"
Just because I'm surrounded by many believers who know and love Jesus Christ doesn't mean I'm not surrounded by many believers who are hurting.
I didn't know I was scheduled for a rude awakening tonight until it was happening right before my eyes. We had a floor meeting. It was the first time for my meeting many of the girls on my floor, so it was nice to finally put names with faces I've seen. Standard procedure, I suppose. Attendance sheet passed around. Introductions. Announcements. Open dorm theme voting. It's going just fine. You can see smiles all around the group and a lot of laughter breaks out here and there.
Then come the prayer concerns.
Well, at first nobody said anything. Then our RA mentioned something that was going on in her life; once she had spoken, it was like the dam had broken. Soon all of this stuff came rushing forward.
Sad stuff.
Angry stuff.
Troublesome stuff.
Heartbreaking stuff.
You could hear the hurt in the voices.
You could see the worry in the eyes.
You could feel the anxiety in the air.
Naturally, you likely wouldn't be able to figure out that anything was wrong if you were to speak with these people. But it's there. Lurking under the surface. I don't think these girls are looking for pity. I don't think these girls are looking for sorrow.
Prayer.
Encouragement.
Strength.
Community.
That's what these girls are looking for.
That's what these girls need.
And I know I can't save the world. I'm not a superhero. But my heart went out to these girls and it's like I want to do everything possible to make things good for them. I think they're in a beautiful place to be during these difficult points in their lives (meaning to be here at Central Christian College of the Bible). I know these daunting situations are not meant by God to bring grief, but growth. But when you add in work schedules, six or so classes, mandatory service hours, relationships (whether that means friends, significant others, or both), and whatever else... the stress level increases pretty rapidly. And that's not good.
I just pray that God will place His healing hand over all of these people and that His spirit of peace and comfort will wash over them. I simply hope they just give everything to Him and completely put their trust in Him. God has a plan for all. And He is good. All the time.
'Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'
[Psalm 34:8]
......
Chapter 176, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB]
I didn't know I was scheduled for a rude awakening tonight until it was happening right before my eyes. We had a floor meeting. It was the first time for my meeting many of the girls on my floor, so it was nice to finally put names with faces I've seen. Standard procedure, I suppose. Attendance sheet passed around. Introductions. Announcements. Open dorm theme voting. It's going just fine. You can see smiles all around the group and a lot of laughter breaks out here and there.
Then come the prayer concerns.
Well, at first nobody said anything. Then our RA mentioned something that was going on in her life; once she had spoken, it was like the dam had broken. Soon all of this stuff came rushing forward.
Sad stuff.
Angry stuff.
Troublesome stuff.
Heartbreaking stuff.
You could hear the hurt in the voices.
You could see the worry in the eyes.
You could feel the anxiety in the air.
Naturally, you likely wouldn't be able to figure out that anything was wrong if you were to speak with these people. But it's there. Lurking under the surface. I don't think these girls are looking for pity. I don't think these girls are looking for sorrow.
Prayer.
Encouragement.
Strength.
Community.
That's what these girls are looking for.
That's what these girls need.
And I know I can't save the world. I'm not a superhero. But my heart went out to these girls and it's like I want to do everything possible to make things good for them. I think they're in a beautiful place to be during these difficult points in their lives (meaning to be here at Central Christian College of the Bible). I know these daunting situations are not meant by God to bring grief, but growth. But when you add in work schedules, six or so classes, mandatory service hours, relationships (whether that means friends, significant others, or both), and whatever else... the stress level increases pretty rapidly. And that's not good.
I just pray that God will place His healing hand over all of these people and that His spirit of peace and comfort will wash over them. I simply hope they just give everything to Him and completely put their trust in Him. God has a plan for all. And He is good. All the time.
'Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'
[Psalm 34:8]
......
Chapter 176, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB]
August 27, 2008
Ch. 175 - Prayerful Consideration
Something hit me today. I came to the realization that I've been a lot better about prayer since coming to Central. Before I do anything, I pray. Eating. Sleeping. Studying. Reading. Hanging out. Before class (whether it's led by teachers or not). After class.
Why is that?
Why is it that now that I happen to be at Bible college I'm all about prayer again?
I don't think I make it apparent that I'm praying a lot. I mean, Jesus told us to 'not be like the hypocrites and pray standing in the synagogues on the street corners to be seen by men.' [Matthew 6:5] There's no reward in doing so.
Why can't I be about prayer all the time?
When I'm not at school - whether I'm at Bible college is irrelevant.
When I'm not at church or chapel.
When things are going really well.
When things are not going really well.
When there are specific people I'm praying for.
When there are not specific people I'm praying for.
I suppose I've come to the conclusion that whenever I'm really focusing on God in my life and am surrounded by fellow believers who are doing the same and encouraging one another, I pray more often.
That shouldn't be the case. If anything, I should be praying more when I'm not around fellow believers and when I know I'm not focusing on God for anything, whether it's discussion with friends, schoolwork, preparation for teaching Sunday school, etc.
'Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.'
[James 5:16]
Why is that?
Why is it that now that I happen to be at Bible college I'm all about prayer again?
I don't think I make it apparent that I'm praying a lot. I mean, Jesus told us to 'not be like the hypocrites and pray standing in the synagogues on the street corners to be seen by men.' [Matthew 6:5] There's no reward in doing so.
Why can't I be about prayer all the time?
When I'm not at school - whether I'm at Bible college is irrelevant.
When I'm not at church or chapel.
When things are going really well.
When things are not going really well.
When there are specific people I'm praying for.
When there are not specific people I'm praying for.
I suppose I've come to the conclusion that whenever I'm really focusing on God in my life and am surrounded by fellow believers who are doing the same and encouraging one another, I pray more often.
That shouldn't be the case. If anything, I should be praying more when I'm not around fellow believers and when I know I'm not focusing on God for anything, whether it's discussion with friends, schoolwork, preparation for teaching Sunday school, etc.
'Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.'
[James 5:16]
August 26, 2008
Ch. 174 - The Opposite View
I was challenged to go outside during my Discipleship class today and spend some time just listening. I was to write down everything I heard. It didn't matter if I wrote down five things or fifty things. I ended up listing twenty-four sounds I heard. Some of them are similar to each other, but even so they each have a sound that belongs to only them. It got me thinking how we each have our own sounds, too. God gave each of us our own voice, laugh, cry, yell. He gave us our own personality, characteristics, abilities, gifts. We may all be brothers and sisters in Christ, but we are also a distinct child of God. And that's beautiful.
Here are the sounds I ended up listing:
I hear...
the metallic kick-in of air conditioning units.
the constant chirping of crickets.
the low rumble of vehicles on the highway.
the deep roar of a passing motorcycle.
the booming bass of a car stereo.
the resounding whistle of a train and
the vibrating clacking of the wheels on the tracks.
the gentle passing of the breeze through trees.
the piercing song of a cardinal.
the soothing rhythm of chit-chat between three women.
the gravelly start of an old car.
the smooth purr of a new car.
the persistent beeping of a truck in reverse.
the soft slam of a car door.
the distinct whirl of a helicopter rotor.
the crinkly rustle of my paper, moved by the breeze.
the creaky settling of the gazebo.
the impatient honking of a Toyota Corolla.
the echo of laughter near Foundation Hall.
the comforting 'flip-flop' of someone's steps.
the irritating buzz of mosquitoes in my ear.
the murmuring rustle of a garbage bag blowing in the breeze.
the slow clinking together of a set of keys.
the uneasy scraping of a rock being kicked over pavement.
I've written about silence a couple of times [see Chs. 9 and 33], so it was interesting to take the time to write about noise and sounds. I know I've said that I personally find silence very comforting and that it's technically my favorite 'sound', but I've found that I also take comfort in familiar sounds, especially when I'm outside. Take, for example, crickets. I all but love the sounds that crickets [and bugs] make. I couldn't tell you why. I simply do. That's part of who I am, made by God.
' "Your hands shaped me and made me..." '
[Job 10:8]
'Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make music to our God on the harp. He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills. He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.'
[Psalm 147:7-11]
Here are the sounds I ended up listing:
I hear...
the metallic kick-in of air conditioning units.
the constant chirping of crickets.
the low rumble of vehicles on the highway.
the deep roar of a passing motorcycle.
the booming bass of a car stereo.
the resounding whistle of a train and
the vibrating clacking of the wheels on the tracks.
the gentle passing of the breeze through trees.
the piercing song of a cardinal.
the soothing rhythm of chit-chat between three women.
the gravelly start of an old car.
the smooth purr of a new car.
the persistent beeping of a truck in reverse.
the soft slam of a car door.
the distinct whirl of a helicopter rotor.
the crinkly rustle of my paper, moved by the breeze.
the creaky settling of the gazebo.
the impatient honking of a Toyota Corolla.
the echo of laughter near Foundation Hall.
the comforting 'flip-flop' of someone's steps.
the irritating buzz of mosquitoes in my ear.
the murmuring rustle of a garbage bag blowing in the breeze.
the slow clinking together of a set of keys.
the uneasy scraping of a rock being kicked over pavement.
I've written about silence a couple of times [see Chs. 9 and 33], so it was interesting to take the time to write about noise and sounds. I know I've said that I personally find silence very comforting and that it's technically my favorite 'sound', but I've found that I also take comfort in familiar sounds, especially when I'm outside. Take, for example, crickets. I all but love the sounds that crickets [and bugs] make. I couldn't tell you why. I simply do. That's part of who I am, made by God.
' "Your hands shaped me and made me..." '
[Job 10:8]
'Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make music to our God on the harp. He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills. He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.'
[Psalm 147:7-11]
August 25, 2008
Ch. 173 - He Surrounds Us
Today was simply lovely.
Beautiful.
Perfect.
Have you ever started to walk outside and suddenly stopped in your tracks because you are sincerely and utterly amazed at how wonderful a day it is? Today was one of those days here in Moberly, Missouri.
It was like I could feel God enveloping me in His arms and I was just breathing Him in.
'Every breath I take I breathe in You.'
But sometimes I forget that.
Not today.
Thank you, God.
' "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." '
[Revelation 4:11]
Beautiful.
Perfect.
Have you ever started to walk outside and suddenly stopped in your tracks because you are sincerely and utterly amazed at how wonderful a day it is? Today was one of those days here in Moberly, Missouri.
It was like I could feel God enveloping me in His arms and I was just breathing Him in.
'Every breath I take I breathe in You.'
But sometimes I forget that.
Not today.
Thank you, God.
' "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." '
[Revelation 4:11]
August 24, 2008
Ch. 172 - It's Repentin' Time!
I am not the Judge.
Just another self-reminder.
'There is only one Lawgiver and Judge; the one who is able to save and destroy. But you - who are you to judge your neighbor?'
[James 4:12]
Pulling out the James again...
Just another self-reminder.
'There is only one Lawgiver and Judge; the one who is able to save and destroy. But you - who are you to judge your neighbor?'
[James 4:12]
Pulling out the James again...
August 23, 2008
Ch. 171 - Learning to Listen
I went to Columbia tonight with a group of people. It was really nice to just hang out and listen to people. That's how I like getting to know people. I don't ask a lot of questions and I don't talk about myself seriously unless I'm asked something or if I feel comfortable with people. Random things, like my favorite color or where I'm from, sure. But those 'who are you' and 'what are you about' questions, not so much. That really takes some time on my part.
I know God made some people absolutely upfront about those kinds of things, and others a little more reserved. But honestly, sometimes you get to know people better by observation and listening than talking to them. I don't mean listening in on serious, more private, one-on-one conversations or anything. That can be rude to quite a large extent. But in a group setting, if people are talking back and forth and such, just listening to what's being said totally works. Even if the subject isn't of vulnerable matter or anything, you really can learn about people through what they say, how they react to what's being said, etc.
I like to listen. It's not always easy to do so. It's almost like God is actually teaching me how to listen. And I love that. I think it's something that gets away from a lot of people these days; there's a lot of 'ME, ME, ME!' going on, and not enough 'YOU, YOU, YOU!' I'd like to try and help this situation if possible.
'My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...'
[James 1:19]
I know God made some people absolutely upfront about those kinds of things, and others a little more reserved. But honestly, sometimes you get to know people better by observation and listening than talking to them. I don't mean listening in on serious, more private, one-on-one conversations or anything. That can be rude to quite a large extent. But in a group setting, if people are talking back and forth and such, just listening to what's being said totally works. Even if the subject isn't of vulnerable matter or anything, you really can learn about people through what they say, how they react to what's being said, etc.
I like to listen. It's not always easy to do so. It's almost like God is actually teaching me how to listen. And I love that. I think it's something that gets away from a lot of people these days; there's a lot of 'ME, ME, ME!' going on, and not enough 'YOU, YOU, YOU!' I'd like to try and help this situation if possible.
'My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...'
[James 1:19]
August 22, 2008
Ch. 170 - Giving Your All
I attended chapel for the first time here at Central today. Chapel is held twice a week for an hour and it's mandatory. They have attendance and everything. However, after going to chapel today, I have to wonder why you would ever want to skip out or be somewhere else. The reasons are completely beyond me.
We sang worship songs and it was a beautiful experience to hear over four hundred young voices singing praise to God. I've never been part of something like that. Even on mission trips, the most people we had gathered at one time was maybe one hundred and fifty or so. My home church's congregation is pretty large, but during the traditional service (the most attended service), the experience of singing (whether it's contemporary praise or traditional hymns is irrelevant) and praising God by doing so is completely different. The atmosphere is not the same. The energy isn't quite there like it was this morning at chapel. It's not vibrant.
Does that make it any less acceptable?
No.
Does that make it any less affective?
No.
God doesn't care about the how, the when, or the where. And that's what makes true worship so attractive. I've learned this past year that worship is not going to church. Worship is not singing praise songs. Those are aspects of worship. Worship is living your life for God. Giving everything you've got to Him - all day, every day. Don't get me wrong, going to church and singing praise songs is seriously an awesome thing to do, if it so appeals to you and you enjoy participating in those acts of worship. Some say they are not necessary on your walk with Christ, others would disagree.
But it all comes down to loving God above all else and giving Him your heart. That's what truly matters.
Chapel is definitely a bonus, though.
'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name.'
[Hebrews 13:15]
We sang worship songs and it was a beautiful experience to hear over four hundred young voices singing praise to God. I've never been part of something like that. Even on mission trips, the most people we had gathered at one time was maybe one hundred and fifty or so. My home church's congregation is pretty large, but during the traditional service (the most attended service), the experience of singing (whether it's contemporary praise or traditional hymns is irrelevant) and praising God by doing so is completely different. The atmosphere is not the same. The energy isn't quite there like it was this morning at chapel. It's not vibrant.
Does that make it any less acceptable?
No.
Does that make it any less affective?
No.
God doesn't care about the how, the when, or the where. And that's what makes true worship so attractive. I've learned this past year that worship is not going to church. Worship is not singing praise songs. Those are aspects of worship. Worship is living your life for God. Giving everything you've got to Him - all day, every day. Don't get me wrong, going to church and singing praise songs is seriously an awesome thing to do, if it so appeals to you and you enjoy participating in those acts of worship. Some say they are not necessary on your walk with Christ, others would disagree.
But it all comes down to loving God above all else and giving Him your heart. That's what truly matters.
Chapel is definitely a bonus, though.
'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name.'
[Hebrews 13:15]
August 21, 2008
Ch. 169 - On Your Mark...
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
I had my first day of class today.
And indeed, 'wow' is all I can say.
I'm so ready to run this race.
'Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.'
[1 Peter 1:13]
......
Ch. 169, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." '
[Lamentations 3:20-24, NASB]
In my Christian Discipleship class we have verses each week that we have to memorize, so I'm using those for the rest of the semester. Usually I use NIV for all of my verses, but the school uses NASB, so for at least the memory verses I'm using NASB. So yes, 'lovingkindnesses' is correct.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
I had my first day of class today.
And indeed, 'wow' is all I can say.
I'm so ready to run this race.
'Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.'
[1 Peter 1:13]
......
Ch. 169, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." '
[Lamentations 3:20-24, NASB]
In my Christian Discipleship class we have verses each week that we have to memorize, so I'm using those for the rest of the semester. Usually I use NIV for all of my verses, but the school uses NASB, so for at least the memory verses I'm using NASB. So yes, 'lovingkindnesses' is correct.
August 20, 2008
Ch. 168 - Vulnerability
God is personal to us.
So it's really difficult to be vulnerable with other people when it comes to God. But pushing ourselves to be just that is what makes us grow.
I was taking an assessment questionnaire today during our World Views session. One of the questions asked something along the lines of how many hours I spend each week talking to others about God and my faith. As much as I wanted to shade the rectangle in the 5-10 hours per week, I wasn't going to lie. So I went with the truth and shaded in the rectangle in the 0-2 hours per week. I actually felt ashamed of myself as I slowly moved my pencil back and forth in thin lines to fill in the small box. It's the truth, though. I haven't had a good, sit-down, heart-to-heart kind of talk with anyone and just talked about God in a long, long time. I suppose I'm in a pretty good place to change that!
But even if 5-10 hours (or more!) were the truth, that in itself would be a challenge for me, because it truly is difficult for me to talk about my faith openly with fellow believers. Eight months into the year and I am still no closer to actually working on my new year's resolution. I said the same thing at two and a half months into the year (see Ch. 62) and thought about it a few times here and there since then... so I'm obviously pretty conscious that I'm not doing anything about it.
I have to get over the fact that being vulnerable with people is not going to kill me. God is always with me. He is my Light and my Guide. I can't retreat into the dark just because it's not always easy to talk about the Light.
'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.'
[Philippians 4:13]
Putting the memory verses to use!
So it's really difficult to be vulnerable with other people when it comes to God. But pushing ourselves to be just that is what makes us grow.
I was taking an assessment questionnaire today during our World Views session. One of the questions asked something along the lines of how many hours I spend each week talking to others about God and my faith. As much as I wanted to shade the rectangle in the 5-10 hours per week, I wasn't going to lie. So I went with the truth and shaded in the rectangle in the 0-2 hours per week. I actually felt ashamed of myself as I slowly moved my pencil back and forth in thin lines to fill in the small box. It's the truth, though. I haven't had a good, sit-down, heart-to-heart kind of talk with anyone and just talked about God in a long, long time. I suppose I'm in a pretty good place to change that!
But even if 5-10 hours (or more!) were the truth, that in itself would be a challenge for me, because it truly is difficult for me to talk about my faith openly with fellow believers. Eight months into the year and I am still no closer to actually working on my new year's resolution. I said the same thing at two and a half months into the year (see Ch. 62) and thought about it a few times here and there since then... so I'm obviously pretty conscious that I'm not doing anything about it.
I have to get over the fact that being vulnerable with people is not going to kill me. God is always with me. He is my Light and my Guide. I can't retreat into the dark just because it's not always easy to talk about the Light.
'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.'
[Philippians 4:13]
Putting the memory verses to use!
August 19, 2008
Ch. 167 - Falling in Love
Today I went on a walk. I went behind the soccer field on a dusty, gravel path. It led to a road, beyond which there was a neighborhood. I crossed the street and walked on a sidewalk away from the neighborhood, east. Before I had gone very far I noticed a small trail leading into a grove of trees between the backyards of the neighborhood and an open field. I decided to check it out, seeing how I love woodsy trails.
I started along and soon saw a large tree off to the side of the path. Some of its branches have grown out and downward from the trunk, creating an archway over the path. It was like a grand, welcoming entryway and I took my precious time crossing under.
Before long I came to a wooden bridge. There's no stream or creek running below it, and there are certainly no trolls living underneath. But it's there. And I've decided that I love it for simply being there.
I kept walking. Up ahead the trail splits. To the left, the trail goes farther into the grove. To the right, there is a wooden platform and a few rows of benches in front of the platform. Beyond the benches there is an open field of grass. I decided to turn to my right. I walked a few steps, jumped onto the platform and looked out across the field.
My breath caught in my throat and I found myself saying, "Thank you, God."
Some people may not find the field particularly beautiful. There are no wildflowers growing. There aren't even any clover patches like there are in the grassy areas of Central. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved clover patches. Who cares if clover is technically a weed? But it was love at first sight. There's something about the field that made me so grateful for God's creation. Just this past year I finally realized that there is truly beauty in all things, all situations and all people. It may simply take some time to see that beauty.
For some reason, I was able to see the beauty in this field instantly.
And I praise God for this.
'May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works - he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke. I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.'
[Psalm 104:31-34]
I started along and soon saw a large tree off to the side of the path. Some of its branches have grown out and downward from the trunk, creating an archway over the path. It was like a grand, welcoming entryway and I took my precious time crossing under.
Before long I came to a wooden bridge. There's no stream or creek running below it, and there are certainly no trolls living underneath. But it's there. And I've decided that I love it for simply being there.
I kept walking. Up ahead the trail splits. To the left, the trail goes farther into the grove. To the right, there is a wooden platform and a few rows of benches in front of the platform. Beyond the benches there is an open field of grass. I decided to turn to my right. I walked a few steps, jumped onto the platform and looked out across the field.
My breath caught in my throat and I found myself saying, "Thank you, God."
Some people may not find the field particularly beautiful. There are no wildflowers growing. There aren't even any clover patches like there are in the grassy areas of Central. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved clover patches. Who cares if clover is technically a weed? But it was love at first sight. There's something about the field that made me so grateful for God's creation. Just this past year I finally realized that there is truly beauty in all things, all situations and all people. It may simply take some time to see that beauty.
For some reason, I was able to see the beauty in this field instantly.
And I praise God for this.
'May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works - he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke. I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.'
[Psalm 104:31-34]
August 18, 2008
Ch. 166 - Wide Open Spaces
GOALS. Do you have any? No? Well, you and me both! If you answered yes, then I envy you. Setting goals is tough for me, for some unbeknownst reason. I've been here two and a half days and having goals has come up quite a few times. At times it was just blaring in my face, other times it was so subtle I barely noticed the topic had been breached. Honestly, though, I simply haven't thought about goals very often.
Thus, I'm trying to see what I can come up with goal-wise. There are the obvious goals that I'm sure most people think of, such as having a good life with a nice job or career. Being successful. Getting married and having a family. Of course, 'being successful' would depend on your definition of success. These said goals seem kind of cliché, but they work. I mean, I do want to have a good life. I do want to be successful. I do want to get married and have a family. But that's just skimming the surface, I think.
I believe God's throwing this at me because yes, it is important, and by setting goals I will be able to focus on what He wants me to do and where He wants me to be. What I want is to please Him. Serve Him. Love Him. And I want to serve others. Love others. Share God. What I want are the skills, courage, knowledge, leadership, and gifts to do so. I suppose if those are what I want then I will work, pray, ask, and strive for them. I know God will help me achieve my goals, which I'm sure will multiply as time goes on. Always learning...
'So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.'
[2 Corinthians 5:9]
Thus, I'm trying to see what I can come up with goal-wise. There are the obvious goals that I'm sure most people think of, such as having a good life with a nice job or career. Being successful. Getting married and having a family. Of course, 'being successful' would depend on your definition of success. These said goals seem kind of cliché, but they work. I mean, I do want to have a good life. I do want to be successful. I do want to get married and have a family. But that's just skimming the surface, I think.
I believe God's throwing this at me because yes, it is important, and by setting goals I will be able to focus on what He wants me to do and where He wants me to be. What I want is to please Him. Serve Him. Love Him. And I want to serve others. Love others. Share God. What I want are the skills, courage, knowledge, leadership, and gifts to do so. I suppose if those are what I want then I will work, pray, ask, and strive for them. I know God will help me achieve my goals, which I'm sure will multiply as time goes on. Always learning...
'So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.'
[2 Corinthians 5:9]
August 17, 2008
Ch. 165 - A New Light
Last night there was a bonfire for the new students. Now, when I think ‘bonfire’ I think of large, roaring flames dancing toward the sky. So imagine my disappointment when I reach said bonfire with one of my roommates, Leez, and see a somewhat pathetic, little pit of fire. Okay, so it honestly wasn’t that pathetic. I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. But as people stood around this fire, there was a sense of community that made the fire seem bigger, brighter and warmer than any other bonfire I've experienced.
Someone had brought a guitar and we started to sing some worship songs. Everybody sang. Nobody was too cool to sing. Nobody was too shy to sing. Nobody was too embarrassed to sing. Every single student was lifting their voices in praise to God. Beautiful. His presence was felt by, I'm sure, many of the students. I was so glad that I had made my way over to the fire and was there for that time of praise. It was a perfect way to end the evening, as well as a perfect way to start the week.
' "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." '
[Matthew 18:20]
Someone had brought a guitar and we started to sing some worship songs. Everybody sang. Nobody was too cool to sing. Nobody was too shy to sing. Nobody was too embarrassed to sing. Every single student was lifting their voices in praise to God. Beautiful. His presence was felt by, I'm sure, many of the students. I was so glad that I had made my way over to the fire and was there for that time of praise. It was a perfect way to end the evening, as well as a perfect way to start the week.
' "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." '
[Matthew 18:20]
August 16, 2008
Ch. 164 - And So It Begins
I'm writing this from my room at Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly, MO. I've settled in nicely and everything is pretty much a go. I don't start classes until Thursday. Central has a lot of things planned for the students before then, mostly for the benefit of getting to know our peers - as well as the faculty and staff - which is really nice.
Honestly though, I'm most excited for classes to begin. I mean, yes, I love meeting new people and making friends, but if that's what life is all about I wouldn't have left some of the best friends I've ever had in Salt Lake so that I could go to school here. I've decided that having friends while going to school is a benefit... however, a necessary benefit. Without friends you will not grow and flourish as nicely as you would if you have friends. They can definitely become like family and be a great support system. Besides, you never know which one of your friends will become your future husband or wife - which, yes, was mentioned last night at dinner by the president of Central.
Anyway.
I feel really comfortable here. This should be a great year. I know that God has some amazing things in store for not just myself, but all of the students at Central. I know I'm going to grow in so many ways, but I have no idea how that growth will occur... which makes it all the more exciting!
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
That makes four.
Honestly though, I'm most excited for classes to begin. I mean, yes, I love meeting new people and making friends, but if that's what life is all about I wouldn't have left some of the best friends I've ever had in Salt Lake so that I could go to school here. I've decided that having friends while going to school is a benefit... however, a necessary benefit. Without friends you will not grow and flourish as nicely as you would if you have friends. They can definitely become like family and be a great support system. Besides, you never know which one of your friends will become your future husband or wife - which, yes, was mentioned last night at dinner by the president of Central.
Anyway.
I feel really comfortable here. This should be a great year. I know that God has some amazing things in store for not just myself, but all of the students at Central. I know I'm going to grow in so many ways, but I have no idea how that growth will occur... which makes it all the more exciting!
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
That makes four.
August 15, 2008
Ch. 163 - Ready for the Dive
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
August 14, 2008
Ch. 162 - The Clock is Ticking
I haven't had a busy summer.
At all.
It's been really nice, I'm not going to lie.
But I can't wait to have a busy schedule again once I'm in school.
Classes.
Church.
Service projects.
Finding a semester ministry.
Hanging out.
It's all going to be there.
And I'm excited for it all.
However, what I'm most excited for is learning how to live a God-filled life. How to put Him into practice, you could say. You don't have to go to school to learn how. In fact, most people don't. But to have that extra background and such? A great opportunity, in my opinion. This summer hasn't been very God-filled on my part, and I've no one to blame but myself. I haven't been pursuing Him at all. I haven't been preparing for the upcoming year. I haven't tried to grow closer to Him. And I have definitely not felt quite right since I've come home. So I'm excited to be simply surrounded by believers again and really striving to know God better.
I kept saying to myself, "I need to set aside time for God." In reality, I had all the time in the world - and I knew I did! Terrible. I know that I may have to set personal time aside in the near future, but it's nice to know that things are sort of planned out for me in advance for general time with God.
This is going to be a great year.
' "I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." '
[Isaiah 42:8-9]
......
Ch. 162, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?'
[1 Corinthians 3:16]
At all.
It's been really nice, I'm not going to lie.
But I can't wait to have a busy schedule again once I'm in school.
Classes.
Church.
Service projects.
Finding a semester ministry.
Hanging out.
It's all going to be there.
And I'm excited for it all.
However, what I'm most excited for is learning how to live a God-filled life. How to put Him into practice, you could say. You don't have to go to school to learn how. In fact, most people don't. But to have that extra background and such? A great opportunity, in my opinion. This summer hasn't been very God-filled on my part, and I've no one to blame but myself. I haven't been pursuing Him at all. I haven't been preparing for the upcoming year. I haven't tried to grow closer to Him. And I have definitely not felt quite right since I've come home. So I'm excited to be simply surrounded by believers again and really striving to know God better.
I kept saying to myself, "I need to set aside time for God." In reality, I had all the time in the world - and I knew I did! Terrible. I know that I may have to set personal time aside in the near future, but it's nice to know that things are sort of planned out for me in advance for general time with God.
This is going to be a great year.
' "I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." '
[Isaiah 42:8-9]
......
Ch. 162, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?'
[1 Corinthians 3:16]
August 13, 2008
Ch. 161 - The Wise Fool
'Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.'
[Proverbs 17:28]
18. July 2010 Edit:
Oh goodness... God only knows why I used this verse for a blog post. I certainly do not remember. The possibilities are endless, really. Knowing me, I don't think I would ever want to know why, to be completely honest. I have had to work very hard over the years to tame my tongue. I know that I still have a great deal of work ahead of me... and I have come quite a ways. This proverb is one that I think many could benefit from knowing. It says that even a fool is thought wise and discerning... for keeping silent and holding his tongue. Thus, there must be some great importance in doing these things if even a fool could do so and be thought of in such a high regard. I'm not saying it's okay to be foolish and do these things once in a while in order to "redeem" yourself, of course...
[Proverbs 17:28]
18. July 2010 Edit:
Oh goodness... God only knows why I used this verse for a blog post. I certainly do not remember. The possibilities are endless, really. Knowing me, I don't think I would ever want to know why, to be completely honest. I have had to work very hard over the years to tame my tongue. I know that I still have a great deal of work ahead of me... and I have come quite a ways. This proverb is one that I think many could benefit from knowing. It says that even a fool is thought wise and discerning... for keeping silent and holding his tongue. Thus, there must be some great importance in doing these things if even a fool could do so and be thought of in such a high regard. I'm not saying it's okay to be foolish and do these things once in a while in order to "redeem" yourself, of course...
August 12, 2008
Ch. 160 - I've Lost Count
Ahhh... the power of prayer.
God is good.
All the time.
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
God is good.
All the time.
'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]
August 11, 2008
Ch. 159 - Another Adventure Begins
I move to Missouri in five days.
Five days.
August 16 certainly has snuck up on me. It seems like yesterday I was calling my dad saying that I wanted to transfer... and thus that I'm not supposed to go back to Iowa for another week. But here I am, sitting in my parent's house in beautiful Cedar Rapids, writing about heading down to Central Christian College of the Bible on Saturday.
I can't wait.
This is it.
This is real.
It's where I'm supposed to be.
I just know it.
I don't know what God's full, intended plan for me is.
But I do know that even though it took me a full year to get where I am today that the year was not lived as time wasted.
I woke up.
I started living.
I learned.
I listened. Heard.
And now I'm answering back.
'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.'
[Psalm 32:8]
Five days.
August 16 certainly has snuck up on me. It seems like yesterday I was calling my dad saying that I wanted to transfer... and thus that I'm not supposed to go back to Iowa for another week. But here I am, sitting in my parent's house in beautiful Cedar Rapids, writing about heading down to Central Christian College of the Bible on Saturday.
I can't wait.
This is it.
This is real.
It's where I'm supposed to be.
I just know it.
I don't know what God's full, intended plan for me is.
But I do know that even though it took me a full year to get where I am today that the year was not lived as time wasted.
I woke up.
I started living.
I learned.
I listened. Heard.
And now I'm answering back.
'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.'
[Psalm 32:8]
August 10, 2008
Ch. 158 - The Boldness of Peter
Sometimes trial and error is the only way of finding the best way to prepare or practice for something. This may include the best way of following God or answering a call.
Remember the boldness of Peter as he stepped out of the boat to go to Jesus.
Have faith.
Stand strong in any storm that may surround you.
We need God - but He needs us, too.
Don't miss the divine invitation to follow Jesus and serve God.
'During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
[Matthew 14:25-31]
Remember the boldness of Peter as he stepped out of the boat to go to Jesus.
Have faith.
Stand strong in any storm that may surround you.
We need God - but He needs us, too.
Don't miss the divine invitation to follow Jesus and serve God.
'During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
[Matthew 14:25-31]
August 9, 2008
Ch. 157 - A Life Goal
'Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.'
[Psalm 82:3-4]
15. July 2010 Edit:
Coming back to this post is quite interesting, actually. Just a couple days ago I began reading through Isaiah. In the first chapter, verse seventeen says, '... learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.' Both of these remind me of James 1:27, which says this: 'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.' ... Heavy. There is such weight to these words, and that weight, I feel, is pressing upon my heart. How many people in this world are physically fatherless, and do not know that they have a spiritual Father greater than any man could ever be? How many people in this world are oppressed and are hopeless, and do not know that they can have absolute freedom in the Lord? It saddens me to think about these things... yet it gives me great encouragement knowing that many of my brothers and sisters are going out into the world in order to help these people in the name of Jesus Christ.
[Psalm 82:3-4]
15. July 2010 Edit:
Coming back to this post is quite interesting, actually. Just a couple days ago I began reading through Isaiah. In the first chapter, verse seventeen says, '... learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.' Both of these remind me of James 1:27, which says this: 'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.' ... Heavy. There is such weight to these words, and that weight, I feel, is pressing upon my heart. How many people in this world are physically fatherless, and do not know that they have a spiritual Father greater than any man could ever be? How many people in this world are oppressed and are hopeless, and do not know that they can have absolute freedom in the Lord? It saddens me to think about these things... yet it gives me great encouragement knowing that many of my brothers and sisters are going out into the world in order to help these people in the name of Jesus Christ.
August 8, 2008
Ch. 156 - Parade of Nations
So tonight I watched the opening ceremony for the 2008 Olympics, right? And I was completely awestruck at the amazing different aspects of it all. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around all the imagination and thought and technology and work and power and detail that it encompassed. It was a breathtaking spectacle and, by far, the best opening ceremony that's ever been arranged. But my favorite part was not the performance aspect of the ceremony. Rather, it was the parade of nations - the part where the athletes for the respective competing countries walk in. The parade of nations has always been my favorite part, and I know it will be for years to come.
To see the unity and the peace and the joy of the athletes is simply something else. From the United States with its 647 athletes to Naura and its single competitor... many countries are represented in the world, given perhaps only one chance to bring home honor, respect and glory. The athletes are the best of the best and they deserve to be there. Why anybody would want to spoil what the Olympics is all about and boycott the games or bomb stadiums is beyond me. Being able to put aside differences and coming together in harmony - the theme for Beijing 2008 - is just as important as competing and winning a gold medal in my opinion. There was a lot of speculation about the politics of it all, being in a Communist country and whatnot I mean, but it seems to be off pretty well; so far, so good. Now if it could just stay that way for a couple more weeks... that'd be peachy.
'... God has called us to live in peace.'
[1 Corinthians 7:15]
......
Ch. 156, Part Two:
I think my absolute favorite part of the parade of nations was when China walked in last, and next to the flag bearer (Yao Ming) walked a young boy. He is nine years old, but looked incredibly small next to seven and a half foot tall Yao Ming. The boy's name is Lin Hao. He is a survivor of the earthquake in Sichuan. Twenty of his thirty classmates died. Lin Hao had freed himself from the rubble and soon after went back into the rubble to find his classmates and help pull them out. He said he was a class leader and a hall monitor and thus felt it was his responsibility to try and help them. Lin Hao encouraged his classmates to sing songs to help keep up their spirits while rescuers worked to free them. Amazing, amazing, amazing boy.
To see the unity and the peace and the joy of the athletes is simply something else. From the United States with its 647 athletes to Naura and its single competitor... many countries are represented in the world, given perhaps only one chance to bring home honor, respect and glory. The athletes are the best of the best and they deserve to be there. Why anybody would want to spoil what the Olympics is all about and boycott the games or bomb stadiums is beyond me. Being able to put aside differences and coming together in harmony - the theme for Beijing 2008 - is just as important as competing and winning a gold medal in my opinion. There was a lot of speculation about the politics of it all, being in a Communist country and whatnot I mean, but it seems to be off pretty well; so far, so good. Now if it could just stay that way for a couple more weeks... that'd be peachy.
'... God has called us to live in peace.'
[1 Corinthians 7:15]
......
Ch. 156, Part Two:
I think my absolute favorite part of the parade of nations was when China walked in last, and next to the flag bearer (Yao Ming) walked a young boy. He is nine years old, but looked incredibly small next to seven and a half foot tall Yao Ming. The boy's name is Lin Hao. He is a survivor of the earthquake in Sichuan. Twenty of his thirty classmates died. Lin Hao had freed himself from the rubble and soon after went back into the rubble to find his classmates and help pull them out. He said he was a class leader and a hall monitor and thus felt it was his responsibility to try and help them. Lin Hao encouraged his classmates to sing songs to help keep up their spirits while rescuers worked to free them. Amazing, amazing, amazing boy.
August 7, 2008
Ch. 155 - Praise for Providence
'In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world." '
[Isaiah 12:4-5]
1. June 2010 Edit:
I think these verses state what we, as followers of Jesus Christ, should be striving to do continually. Give thanks. Call on Him. Make Him known, as well as what He has done. Proclaim for exclamation. Sing to Him... praise. All things can be done for God's glory. We need to let Him in, allowing Him to use us and work through us. Ask God to go before you, shining a light.
[Isaiah 12:4-5]
1. June 2010 Edit:
I think these verses state what we, as followers of Jesus Christ, should be striving to do continually. Give thanks. Call on Him. Make Him known, as well as what He has done. Proclaim for exclamation. Sing to Him... praise. All things can be done for God's glory. We need to let Him in, allowing Him to use us and work through us. Ask God to go before you, shining a light.
August 6, 2008
Ch. 154 - Words to Live By
I've finally finished a book I've been reading since maybe... March? I think that's about right. Well. More like February, I think. I've been reading a few pages here and there. Usually when I start to read a book, I finish that day or the next - no matter how many chapters or pages it contains (I'm a quick reader, but able to comprehend everything very well.). But for some reason, this has been a 'pick up-set down' kind of book. But it's been very interesting how that has worked out for me. It seems that each time I read anything from this book God directly spoke to me through the writing. If I was ever bothered by anything, I was calmed. If I was ever wondering about something, my questions were answered. Really cool.
The book is titled Essential Writings. It is made up of selections from over a dozen books by Carlo Carretto. He was a member of the Little Brothers of Jesus, the order inspired by the spirituality of Charles de Foucauld.
One of my favorite parts was near the end of the book. The chapter is titled 'Last Things'. The quote I am about to post comes from Carretto's book And God Saw That It Was Good, but the section is titled 'The Face of Crucified Love'.
'Jesus gave the example by living as he lived, by dying as he died; he explained to us how we should act in order to conquer evil and destroy death.
Human beings, do you want to free yourselves from the evil oppressing you?
Act as Jesus did.
Human beings, do you want to destroy death, which is ever clutching at you?
Die of love, as Jesus did.
To overcome the evil seeking to master us, to transform our death into an act of love, is to achieve that conquest necessary for entering the kingdom, I mean the kingdom of peace and freedom, the kingdom of justice and love.
No one can discharge this task for us.
It's true, Jesus has saved us, but he's left the hard work of saving ourselves to us.'
I really appreciate what Carretto said about conquering evil and destroying death. It's so uplifting to know that we can do just that thanks to Jesus Christ. It's difficult - there's no doubt about that. There will be a lot of battles, but it's kind of like we already know that no matter what happens we will win the war.
'Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession...'
[1 Timothy 6:12]
The book is titled Essential Writings. It is made up of selections from over a dozen books by Carlo Carretto. He was a member of the Little Brothers of Jesus, the order inspired by the spirituality of Charles de Foucauld.
One of my favorite parts was near the end of the book. The chapter is titled 'Last Things'. The quote I am about to post comes from Carretto's book And God Saw That It Was Good, but the section is titled 'The Face of Crucified Love'.
'Jesus gave the example by living as he lived, by dying as he died; he explained to us how we should act in order to conquer evil and destroy death.
Human beings, do you want to free yourselves from the evil oppressing you?
Act as Jesus did.
Human beings, do you want to destroy death, which is ever clutching at you?
Die of love, as Jesus did.
To overcome the evil seeking to master us, to transform our death into an act of love, is to achieve that conquest necessary for entering the kingdom, I mean the kingdom of peace and freedom, the kingdom of justice and love.
No one can discharge this task for us.
It's true, Jesus has saved us, but he's left the hard work of saving ourselves to us.'
I really appreciate what Carretto said about conquering evil and destroying death. It's so uplifting to know that we can do just that thanks to Jesus Christ. It's difficult - there's no doubt about that. There will be a lot of battles, but it's kind of like we already know that no matter what happens we will win the war.
'Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession...'
[1 Timothy 6:12]
August 5, 2008
Ch. 153 - One Step at a Time
Sometimes you need a bit of encouragement from someone you don't technically know that well - but sincerely love - in order to take that next step forward... or realize that the step you're already taking isn't quite as scary as you think it is.
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
August 4, 2008
Ch. 152 - Why I Believe
I was asked a question a few months ago by a friend. A question there is no technical answer to. The answer can be whatever you want it to be, simply according to you and your thoughts, beliefs and ideas. I've been thinking about this question almost daily and have discussed it with a couple handfuls of people thus far. What I've decided is that my answer is simple and true to me. It might not be entirely adequate or easily argued against, but it's mine and I like it.
The question is this:
Why do you believe in Jesus?
My answer is this:
I have no reason not to believe in Jesus.
I believe in Jesus because I choose to.
' ..."Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..." '
[Acts 16:31]
The question is this:
Why do you believe in Jesus?
My answer is this:
I have no reason not to believe in Jesus.
I believe in Jesus because I choose to.
' ..."Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..." '
[Acts 16:31]
August 3, 2008
Ch. 151 - A Fool's Thoughts
I've said it before. I judge people. I judge people a lot. But when I start to judge my own family, I think that's a sign that I've hit an absolute low. How dare I do such a thing? People I should be loving and embracing for who they are, I am putting down with my thoughts and trying to convince myself that I am better than they. But for what reasons could I be better? I have none. I should be serving them and encouraging them and building them up. If I want to be the very least, I have to place myself there and have that mindset.
Who am I to think that I don't have faults?
Who am I to think that I never say anything rude?
Who am I to think that I never disrespect my elders - or even my parents?
May God give me the strength to lay down my pride and to repent from my judging ways. There is only one Judge. And the day of judgment has yet to come.
' "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" '
[Matthew 7:1-3]
Who am I to think that I don't have faults?
Who am I to think that I never say anything rude?
Who am I to think that I never disrespect my elders - or even my parents?
May God give me the strength to lay down my pride and to repent from my judging ways. There is only one Judge. And the day of judgment has yet to come.
' "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" '
[Matthew 7:1-3]
August 2, 2008
Ch. 150 - Full Speed Ahead
'Into marvelous light I'm running,
out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross You are the truth,
You are the life, You are the way.
My dead heart now is beating,
my deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs,
now I'm free, now I'm free.
Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that I have found.
Oh the marvelous light,
the marvelous light.'
[Marvelous Light]
This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite songs ever. It really speaks to me and I am able to connect to it because I believe a lot of it perfectly describes how I've come to know Christ and what has happened in my life since I've truly accepted Him into my heart.
A couple weeks ago I had written a post about receiving something I had been waiting for [see Chs. 136 and 137]. That 'something' was forgiveness. I know, I know: 'How can you be waiting for forgiveness? God forgives everything once you ask for it and expect that it will be given to you.' I don't know how to describe my thought process behind it, though. Just trust me when I say that I know when God has truly forgiven me for something. It's one of those 'things', you know? A feeling. A thought. A sense of humility like no other.
Anyway, while I was waiting for said forgiveness, I couldn't help but notice that I didn't feel quite right. I didn't feel alive in Christ... a terrible feeling. So the verse I have posted above ('my dead heart now is beating...') really represents that struggle I felt in my heart to connect with God and focus on Him while waiting for His forgiveness - and then the turnaround with His breath filling up my lungs, setting me free in His love, mercy and grace. I don't think the verse can only be about accepting Christ into your heart and being free in Him, which is a great thing. It is able to speak to all people and meet them where they are in life and in their walks with God. Beautiful.
I also appreciate the first part of the song that I posted ('by the cross you are the truth...').
' "Jesus answered, "I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." '
[John 14:6]
I have been on the other side of the fence and thus can tell you, with firsthand experience, that it couldn't be more true. If you think there's any way around it, you are wrong. That's a pretty opinionated and bold statement, but I agree with what Jesus said so strongly that there's no way I'd say or believe otherwise.
So yes, I am running into marvelous light... and I'm not slowing down anytime soon.
' "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." '
[Matthew 7:13-14]
out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross You are the truth,
You are the life, You are the way.
My dead heart now is beating,
my deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs,
now I'm free, now I'm free.
Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that I have found.
Oh the marvelous light,
the marvelous light.'
[Marvelous Light]
This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite songs ever. It really speaks to me and I am able to connect to it because I believe a lot of it perfectly describes how I've come to know Christ and what has happened in my life since I've truly accepted Him into my heart.
A couple weeks ago I had written a post about receiving something I had been waiting for [see Chs. 136 and 137]. That 'something' was forgiveness. I know, I know: 'How can you be waiting for forgiveness? God forgives everything once you ask for it and expect that it will be given to you.' I don't know how to describe my thought process behind it, though. Just trust me when I say that I know when God has truly forgiven me for something. It's one of those 'things', you know? A feeling. A thought. A sense of humility like no other.
Anyway, while I was waiting for said forgiveness, I couldn't help but notice that I didn't feel quite right. I didn't feel alive in Christ... a terrible feeling. So the verse I have posted above ('my dead heart now is beating...') really represents that struggle I felt in my heart to connect with God and focus on Him while waiting for His forgiveness - and then the turnaround with His breath filling up my lungs, setting me free in His love, mercy and grace. I don't think the verse can only be about accepting Christ into your heart and being free in Him, which is a great thing. It is able to speak to all people and meet them where they are in life and in their walks with God. Beautiful.
I also appreciate the first part of the song that I posted ('by the cross you are the truth...').
' "Jesus answered, "I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." '
[John 14:6]
I have been on the other side of the fence and thus can tell you, with firsthand experience, that it couldn't be more true. If you think there's any way around it, you are wrong. That's a pretty opinionated and bold statement, but I agree with what Jesus said so strongly that there's no way I'd say or believe otherwise.
So yes, I am running into marvelous light... and I'm not slowing down anytime soon.
' "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." '
[Matthew 7:13-14]
August 1, 2008
Ch. 149 - Getting Over 'It'
Time to be tough.
Suck it up.
Get over it.
It's not a big deal.
I keep saying these things to myself, in regards to not being in Salt Lake. I'm homesick for Utah. How crazy is that? I was there for ten months and I miss it like no other. I said it in my other blog, too, but I'm not too proud to say it again and again and again. Because never before had I experienced LIFE the way I did when I lived in SLC.
And you know, sometimes you just have to say what you're thinking.
I miss walking around campus. I miss reading on the city library's roof. I miss riding TRAX. I miss leaving notes on the boys' apartment door. I miss walking the Red Butte trails. I miss seeing snow on the mountains surrounding the valley. I miss crossing the Legacy Bridge on winter mornings on the way to weightlifting. I miss sipping piping hot Americano in CoffeeBreak.
But most of all, I miss the people I met.
I miss listening to Darcy's hilarious stories.
I miss God-talks with Matt.
I miss Shawn's dancing and prancing around.
I miss hearing Spencer make fun of Brittany.
I miss hearing Tiffany make fun of Spencer.
I miss Zach's quiet nonchalance.
I miss Katie's humorous quips.
I miss learning about Ross' reckless ideas.
I miss Kastin's amazing hugs.
I miss random talks with Landon about nothing and everything.
I miss Ricky's quiet enthusiasm.
I miss Jackie's passionate outbursts.
I miss listening to Ben leading praise at Ute-Nited.
I miss Katie C's contagious laughter.
I miss thinking and thinking and thinking about David's questions.
I miss experiencing Jess' excitement about small group.
I could go on forever with these 'I miss' statements - especially about specific people - but I'm not going to waste my time grieving over the fact that I'm not in Salt Lake City at this point in time and that there are people, places and things that I miss.
My dad has kept on asking me if I'm sure I want to go to school in Missouri, or if I want to go back to Utah. Of course I want to go back to Utah! Now that I've been and know what it's like out there and have developed relationships with some incredibly special people, I think if I don't go back eventually that I will go crazy. Whether I go for a long weekend visit once in awhile... for summer work... for two years of school at Salt Lake Theological Seminary... for inner-city mission work for the rest of my life... I will go back. But for now, I know that I need to be elsewhere. It killed me to realize that and let God take over, but at the same time it's giving me life. And that's where I find rest. Knowing that it's God's will and that His plan for me is the best plan for me.
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
Hm. How many times have I used these verses so far? Three?
I think I'm starting to see a theme here.
Suck it up.
Get over it.
It's not a big deal.
I keep saying these things to myself, in regards to not being in Salt Lake. I'm homesick for Utah. How crazy is that? I was there for ten months and I miss it like no other. I said it in my other blog, too, but I'm not too proud to say it again and again and again. Because never before had I experienced LIFE the way I did when I lived in SLC.
And you know, sometimes you just have to say what you're thinking.
I miss walking around campus. I miss reading on the city library's roof. I miss riding TRAX. I miss leaving notes on the boys' apartment door. I miss walking the Red Butte trails. I miss seeing snow on the mountains surrounding the valley. I miss crossing the Legacy Bridge on winter mornings on the way to weightlifting. I miss sipping piping hot Americano in CoffeeBreak.
But most of all, I miss the people I met.
I miss listening to Darcy's hilarious stories.
I miss God-talks with Matt.
I miss Shawn's dancing and prancing around.
I miss hearing Spencer make fun of Brittany.
I miss hearing Tiffany make fun of Spencer.
I miss Zach's quiet nonchalance.
I miss Katie's humorous quips.
I miss learning about Ross' reckless ideas.
I miss Kastin's amazing hugs.
I miss random talks with Landon about nothing and everything.
I miss Ricky's quiet enthusiasm.
I miss Jackie's passionate outbursts.
I miss listening to Ben leading praise at Ute-Nited.
I miss Katie C's contagious laughter.
I miss thinking and thinking and thinking about David's questions.
I miss experiencing Jess' excitement about small group.
I could go on forever with these 'I miss' statements - especially about specific people - but I'm not going to waste my time grieving over the fact that I'm not in Salt Lake City at this point in time and that there are people, places and things that I miss.
My dad has kept on asking me if I'm sure I want to go to school in Missouri, or if I want to go back to Utah. Of course I want to go back to Utah! Now that I've been and know what it's like out there and have developed relationships with some incredibly special people, I think if I don't go back eventually that I will go crazy. Whether I go for a long weekend visit once in awhile... for summer work... for two years of school at Salt Lake Theological Seminary... for inner-city mission work for the rest of my life... I will go back. But for now, I know that I need to be elsewhere. It killed me to realize that and let God take over, but at the same time it's giving me life. And that's where I find rest. Knowing that it's God's will and that His plan for me is the best plan for me.
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
Hm. How many times have I used these verses so far? Three?
I think I'm starting to see a theme here.
July 31, 2008
Ch. 148 - God is Like Oxygen
This week's memory verse:
'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'
[1 John 4:12 ]
'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'
[1 John 4:12 ]
July 30, 2008
Ch. 147 - Jesus Has Your Back
This was today's devotional. It was really encouraging for me and I wanted to share it.
Jesus Prays for You
' "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message..." '
[John 17:20]
During the Last Supper, Jesus prayed for himself and then he prayed for the disciples. And then, with the hour of his death approaching, he took time to pray for you. He prayed for all those who would believe through the ministry of the disciples, and that means you.
This is what he told God:
"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world."
[John 17:20-24]
Jesus prays for you still.
"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them."
[Hebrews 7:25]
Jesus wants you with him.
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory..."
[John 17:24]
Jesus Prays for You
' "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message..." '
[John 17:20]
During the Last Supper, Jesus prayed for himself and then he prayed for the disciples. And then, with the hour of his death approaching, he took time to pray for you. He prayed for all those who would believe through the ministry of the disciples, and that means you.
This is what he told God:
"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world."
[John 17:20-24]
Jesus prays for you still.
"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them."
[Hebrews 7:25]
Jesus wants you with him.
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory..."
[John 17:24]
July 29, 2008
Ch. 146 - Like Water on a Duck
'When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul.'
Horatio Spafford's It Is Well with My Soul is my favorite hymn. It provides a lot of comfort and, in a sense, gives me strength when I've fallen and am not doing too well. The past couple of weeks haven't been so great, but I've tried not to let that show. I had had a lot of anxious thoughts running through my mind and was really worrying about a few things. I'm not an anxious person by nature. Or a worrywart. I don't get nervous. I don't get stressed. But sometimes 'stuff' just starts to pile up on your shoulders and the weight can bend you over, transforming you into something or someone you're not. And that's not a good thing. Thankfully, by just realizing that you can give it all to God, you can straighten up and let it roll off your shoulders. So that's exactly what I did. And it is well with my soul.
'And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'
[Philippians 4:7]
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul.'
Horatio Spafford's It Is Well with My Soul is my favorite hymn. It provides a lot of comfort and, in a sense, gives me strength when I've fallen and am not doing too well. The past couple of weeks haven't been so great, but I've tried not to let that show. I had had a lot of anxious thoughts running through my mind and was really worrying about a few things. I'm not an anxious person by nature. Or a worrywart. I don't get nervous. I don't get stressed. But sometimes 'stuff' just starts to pile up on your shoulders and the weight can bend you over, transforming you into something or someone you're not. And that's not a good thing. Thankfully, by just realizing that you can give it all to God, you can straighten up and let it roll off your shoulders. So that's exactly what I did. And it is well with my soul.
'And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'
[Philippians 4:7]
July 28, 2008
Ch. 145 - Fear
I hope this isn't taken as a prideful or boastful thing to say... but today I realized that I truly don't have any fears. Do you know how comforting that is to know about yourself? That may sound strange, but honestly, it's true. And what good does it do to fear things of this world? To fear thought or knowledge, beast or man?
I suppose that's what I mean by 'I truly don't have any fears.' That I'm not afraid of anything. I think the only 'fear' I have is that of fearing God. But I'm not afraid of Him. To fear God is to fear the judgment of God. I think to fear God is to have reverence and awe for Him... I think that's in a psalm somewhere...
Anyway.
This is my story. And at least in this chapter, I'm the most fearless person there is. Oh goodness. I can't skip around it anymore. If that's not pride talking, I don't know what is! Forgive me. Perhaps I'm at the point where I could say 'I have nothing to fear but fear itself.'
'Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him.'
[Psalm 33:8]
'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'
[Psalm 118:6]
I suppose that's what I mean by 'I truly don't have any fears.' That I'm not afraid of anything. I think the only 'fear' I have is that of fearing God. But I'm not afraid of Him. To fear God is to fear the judgment of God. I think to fear God is to have reverence and awe for Him... I think that's in a psalm somewhere...
Anyway.
This is my story. And at least in this chapter, I'm the most fearless person there is. Oh goodness. I can't skip around it anymore. If that's not pride talking, I don't know what is! Forgive me. Perhaps I'm at the point where I could say 'I have nothing to fear but fear itself.'
'Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him.'
[Psalm 33:8]
'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'
[Psalm 118:6]
July 27, 2008
Ch. 144 - Author of Salvation
Our God can do anything. He can move mountains. He can conquer the grave. He can save.
People argue that Christians belittle God by saying that He is merciful and just and forgiving and gracious and loving - all these things and more - to all people, sinners and saints alike. They say that this is giving God human characteristics, and humans aren't perfect, but God is. He is almighty.
But weren't we created in His image? They believe that God is there, that He is the Creator. So if He created us, how could He have human characteristics? And I'm not saying that we, as humans, are anything like God in His powerfully omnipotent and amazingly omniscient perfection. We aren't gods, we will never be gods or even truly like God.
But because God is merciful to us, we can show mercy. Because God is just, we can be just. Because God is forgiving, we can forgive. Because God shows grace to us, we can be gracious. Because God loves us, we can love. And He has given us the perfect example of how to do and be these things in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Is it really such a complicated concept that is difficult to understand, but not for me because that's what I've been taught all my life? It just all seems so simple to me.
My heart aches for those who have never heard about Jesus, as well as those who have but have rejected Him as their Savior.
'We love because he first loved us.'
[1 John 4:19]
People argue that Christians belittle God by saying that He is merciful and just and forgiving and gracious and loving - all these things and more - to all people, sinners and saints alike. They say that this is giving God human characteristics, and humans aren't perfect, but God is. He is almighty.
But weren't we created in His image? They believe that God is there, that He is the Creator. So if He created us, how could He have human characteristics? And I'm not saying that we, as humans, are anything like God in His powerfully omnipotent and amazingly omniscient perfection. We aren't gods, we will never be gods or even truly like God.
But because God is merciful to us, we can show mercy. Because God is just, we can be just. Because God is forgiving, we can forgive. Because God shows grace to us, we can be gracious. Because God loves us, we can love. And He has given us the perfect example of how to do and be these things in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Is it really such a complicated concept that is difficult to understand, but not for me because that's what I've been taught all my life? It just all seems so simple to me.
My heart aches for those who have never heard about Jesus, as well as those who have but have rejected Him as their Savior.
'We love because he first loved us.'
[1 John 4:19]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)