Ch. 464 - Gain/Lose

' "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" '
[Mark 8:36]

Ch. 463 - Ways to Worship

This was one of my devotionals for today. I appreciated it a lot.

God Designed You to Work

'For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
[Ephesians 2:10]

'Your work can be an act of worship. No matter what you do, it's never just a job if you are a believer. This is because God designed you with talents, gifts, and interests that He wants used for His glory.

You are custom-made. There's nobody like you in the whole world. And the gifts, the abilities, the talents, even the interests you have, they were genetically encoded into you by God. You didn't have a say in what you were going to be interested in, what you are naturally good at. God made you with a specific mission in mind and He wants you to use the gifts He's given you in your work.

The Bible says that you are God's workmanship. The Greek word used for workmanship is poema; that's where our word for "poem" comes from. You are God's poem! You are God's work of art. You are God's masterpiece.

Your work is part of God's plan for your life and that is why, as you work, you worship God.'

Ch. 462 - A Battle

I am, all of a sudden, incredibly weary.
I feel very angry.
Upset.
Saddened.
Exhausted.

I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to hit or kick something.

I can't.

I feel like a caged bird.
But I'm not about to sing anyway.
I don't care if Maya Angelou does know why the caged bird sings.

I can't.

I feel like a small child.
I can't leave.
I can't do this.
I can't do that.
I'm afraid to even ask.

I can't.
I just can't.

I am just so frustrated.

Lord God.
Please.


'Hear my prayer, O Lord,
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.'
[Psalm 102:1-2]

Ch. 461 - Are You Lukewarm?

The following two quotes come from Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, which I am currently reading [and thoroughly enjoying, I must say].

'The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard." Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering. Would you describe yourself as totally in love with Jesus Christ? Or do the words halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed fit better?'

'Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. Just as the prophets in the Old Testament warned Israel that they were not safe just because they lived in the land of Israel, so we are not safe just because we wear the label Christian or because some people persist in calling us a "Christian nation." '

Oh boy.

Thank you, Francis Chan, for putting into words what I've been thinking for quite some time now.

Brilliant.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always on fire. Or even hot, for that matter. As much as I don't want to say it, I can be pretty lukewarm. I'm really working on warming up, but it's a process. It's not like leftovers that you can pop into the microwave and heat up in an instant.

It takes time.
It takes effort.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.
And even so, I have Christ in my heart.
And even so, I love God and I know that He loves me.
And even so, I am continually committing my life to Him.

Yet I'm scared.
And extremely sad.
Why?
Because there are many, many, many, many congregations in this world - full of "Christians" - who are lukewarm, and don't realize that they're missing something. They think that they're fine because they spend some time at church, put money into a collection plate, and maybe help out with Vacation Bible School each summer. And if they're really "on fire" they may even crack open their Bibles now and again. Yet contrary to what they think, they are not saved. They're simply not. Beloved children of God think they're good to go when, in fact, they are distancing themselves from what truly matters: a relationship with God.

My heart aches for these people.


'The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." '
[Isaiah 29:13]

'Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!'
[Amos 6:1]

Ch. 460 - Planting Seeds, Literally

Lately on my other blog [Side Notes] I've been posting a "things-to-be-done-before-I-die" list. That's right, a bucket list. Yesterday the desire was to plant an orchard. Because I just posted about it yesterday, I suppose it should be no surprise that it was on my mind today.

It is my belief that my mom has a green thumb. She doesn't garden as much as she used to, but she enjoys it and is able to produce beautiful results from basically nothing. I have never really had an opportunity to do much gardening. We have a very large yard, but it's kind of a mess. The ground is uneven, trees are scattered all around the house, and invasive species are everywhere. Plants can be quite expensive, and the money, time, and effort that landscaping and gardening require could be more wisely spent doing something else around the house. Even so, I wish I could spend the entire summer redoing our yard with my mom. It was my plan last summer to at least do some design work to get things started for this summer, but I had absolutely no idea where or how to get started. And besides, nothing needs to be done out of necessity. It's not like we're about to sell the house and need to make the yard look nice, or that we have to plant our own food, or sell things we grow to make a profit. At this point in time, landscaping and gardening are simply for pleasure and aesthetic purposes. But still... I do wonder if I've inherited my mom's green thumb. I think my desire to do these things may be indicative of an inheritance, but I don't suppose I'll find out until I really start to get my hands dirty!

It's just that the more I think about it, the more I get excited. Especially when I think about that bucket list item - planting an orchard. I noted that I wouldn't want to plant one for myself, but for someone else. I would want another person to benefit from the time and effort I put into doing something, you know? I do enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor (no pun intended), but it's not really a big deal. Just knowing that someone else will benefit from and enjoy an orchard is good enough for me.

I'm not exactly sure where I'd go with this, but I think it's something I'll hold onto for a bit. I think it'd be really neat to turn it into a ministry. Planting seeds by, well, planting seeds. Showing the love of God and His goodness through the gift of fruit-bearing trees... why not?


'Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.'
[Titus 3:14]

Ch. 459 - A New Prayer

'Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.'
[1 Chronicles 4:10]

Ch. 458 - What Am I?

I'm worthy of feeling unworthy and it being okay, but also worthy enough to tell others that they are worthy, even when they feel unworthy.

It works.


' "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last." '
[John 15:16]

Ch. 457 - Created in Wisom

I'm really insignificant and small.
But still a creation of the Almighty God.

I'm glad.


'How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.'
[Psalm 104:24]

Ch. 456 - Out of Love

Writer Jeanne Zornes said, "God often delays His response out of love, as He works all things together for good."

How true this is. I think a major weakness of many people, especially Christians, is that we are an incredibly impatient species. We want everything we can possibly have and we want it right here, right now. And here's the thing - as Christians, we are so often told that we can lift up prayers to God constantly and He will hear them. We simply must have faith that He will, indeed, answer them. We can each think that we have the most faith of anyone on this earth, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to have our prayers answered any more quickly than our neighbor's prayers. Our God is an eternal God. We know that our time on earth is so incredibly short, even though we don't even have anything to compare its time to. But God has so much time in His hands, being the almighty and creative God that He is, that I can almost imagine that it would be difficult for Him to snap His fingers at every single request and answer all the prayers that are continually lifted up. It's almost as if He can't help but teach us patience and perseverance as time wears on. Then, as He does answer our prayers and respond to our cries - sometimes when we least expect Him to - our faith is strengthened. Even if what He gives or says is not what we believe we initially wanted, everything from God is from His love. I think we tend to forget that. I mean, God knows what is best for us all, both individually and collectively. So even though we may not see His timing or responses to be in our best interest, it truly is. And who are we to question Him, anyway?


'Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.'
[Psalm 90:2-4]

Ch. 455 - Hidden From View

My mom and I were grocery shopping today. Among a few other items, we were looking for shelled sunflower seeds. We eventually found them. Amidst the unit of shelves they were on, we saw bags of figs. My mom saw them and decided to buy some for my dad. As we set out to find the rest of our items, my mom reminded me that when he was a boy, my dad would visit his grandfather's house in California. She said that his grandfather's yard contained some fig trees. My dad had enjoyed playing in the trees when he visited. This may sound strange, because one does not usually play "in" trees. However, fig trees are unique. Their branches grow away and down from the trunks, creating a hollow space around the trunk. The branches, then, are curtain-like and hide the trunk and the area around it. When my mom learned of this from my dad, she thought of an exchange between Jesus and Nathanael in the gospel of John (the calling of Philip and Nathanael):

'The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me." Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip. When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
[John 1:43-50]

What greater meaning this passage has, knowing more of fig trees! If one is under a fig tree, under its branches, one is hidden from view. And yet Jesus knew Nathanael was under the fig tree, even before Philip called him. He was able to see him. What a magnificent God we have to rule over us.

Ch. 454 - It's About Time!

I'm finally becoming more proactive in growing in my faith this summer. I'm pretty excited to take a few steps forward with God. He's a pretty cool Guy, after all.


'Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.'
[2 Corinthians 5:5]

Ch. 453 - Full to the Brim

'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.'
[Romans 15:13]

Ch. 452 - Justification

' "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses." '
[Acts 13:38-39]

Ch. 451 - Coming Across Joy

Today I was rollerblading on the Cedar Lake loop. I was coming around a bend when I heard someone call out, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" I looked in the direction of where the voice came from and saw two elderly men fishing. One of the men called for Maggie again, and I heard giggling. The man nudged his partner and they both looked behind them with smiles on their faces. I kept going and soon saw a girl, whom I assume was Maggie, crouching behind some tall grasses. She was still giggling quite loudly, but as I continued on the path I kept hearing the man call, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" It was obvious that he already knew where Maggie was, but for her sake and the fun that she was having, he kept pretending that he did not know.

You will never know how happy I was to have encountered that simple, summery-day scene. Skating away, a smile stretched its way across my face and echoes of the man's call rang through my mind. But you know, for some reason, the echoes turned into what seemed like a question from God, directed towards me. 'Naaa-talieee... where aaare youuu?' I was a bit surprised with that, to say the least. I thought, 'Well, gee. Here I am, God. You know where I am better than anyone.' Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shouldn't be so surprised.

I suppose I could say that I feel like I've been hiding in plain sight for quite some time.
I tried to hide.
But I didn't put much effort into it.
Of course God knows where I am.
He doesn't have to search for me.
Even though hide-and-seek is my favorite game, I think it would be one game that I would never want to play with God. That, and two truths and a lie.

Anyway.

I think that God's been reminding me lately that I can't push Him away, no matter what I do - even if I'm doing so unintentionally. He's always going to be there and He's always going to show me ways to step back on the true path that He's laid out for me. Whether I like it or not, God's going to be wherever I go, encouraging me and loving me.


'But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.'
[Psalm 33:11-15]

Ch. 450 - Embracing What IS

This was my devotional for the day and I thought I'd share it. Definitely has a great message for all readers, no matter what your situation or circumstance.

'Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind.'

'But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.'
[Psalm 52:8]

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6]

Ch. 449 - The Return's Beginning

For the time being, one of my recipes for a great day includes clearing one's head, listening to music, and mowing the lawn. That's it.

Simple.
Beautiful.

I enjoyed today.

I learned something new about myself while mowing the lawn.
It doesn't have to do with mowing.
I was simply mowing while I thought the thought that made me say, "Aha."

I think that I don't always enjoy ministry work (for example, helping with youth groups) very often because everything that I've ever helped with is not what I'm meant to do. Now, I'm not one of those people who find it hard to say no. Yet when asked to help with something, I usually say yes because I know the help is needed - not because I necessarily truly want to. Which really isn't good, in my mind. But I do figure that there will always be things that need to be done that I don't want to do, but will need to do them with a cheerful heart anyway. So I'm preparing myself for the long run, I suppose.

But seriously. I know it's going to take some time to learn about what God has in store for me. And maybe I'll get to experience what it will entail before I go wherever, but maybe I won't. I'm thinking I probably won't, because otherwise I'd just stay and 'do whatever' here. But that's not what I want at all. I know for certain that I want to work with people outside of the United States of America. I'm not supposed to be here. Sometimes I feel that God is playing a trick on me and one day He's going to say to me, "Just kidding, Nat! You're actually supposed to be in [insert country here], but I thought I'd place your family in Cedar Rapids, Iowa instead... just to mess with you. Ha! Pretty funny, eh?!" And then He'd laugh up a storm, and miraculously transport me to whatever other place I'm supposed to be.

Alright. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Cedar Rapids. Or Iowa. Or the U.S. of A., for that matter. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel... hmmm... ashamed, if you will, being "American" and living where I do. We're wealthy, open, and powerful. But so many people are living in darkness. It's ironic, in my opinion, because we have such freedom - yet we take such great advantage of everything that people have endlessly worked for over the years... and we are constant slaves to society. We are an incredibly selfish and greedy people. Americans have everything at their fingertips, but throw so much of it away. We just don't care. About anything, it seems. And yet most people in foreign countries seemingly "love" Americans. I don't understand. I really don't. And as much as I'd love to be a light for the citizens of this country, I really don't feel that I'm supposed to stay and let God light me on fire day after day. Not here. Not for these people, who have consistent resources and freedom of speech and religion and suffrage and civil rights and cities with cell phone stores on every corner. I feel that Americans have simply lost their way. But I don't feel that I'm supposed to let God us me as a compass for them.

It is what it is.
For now.
Things will get worse.
Then better.

And all people will see and know and follow the True Light... instead of the light radiating off of 'the golden arches'.


'This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.'
[1 John 1:5]

Ch. 448 - Care

"Read until you fall asleep."

I used to.
Haven't in a long time.
At least not on purpose.

Thank God for great friends.


'For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.'
[James 3:16]

Ch. 447 - Weakness

Five days, come and gone.
Here we go again, right?

Same as last time.
I'm not too busy.
I'm not upset.
I'm not anything.

I just... don't have the desire.
I don't like it.
But it's true.

I feel like I have nothing to draw from.
And I feel bad saying that.
Because the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not true.
As a follower of Christ, and a believer in God, I should be able to draw inspiration from the smallest of things. Look around. Read. Observe. Reach out. Pray. I keep telling myself to do these things. If I truly believe that everything is of God, and that everything I do should be for God, I should have no problem seeking and drawing out meaning from even the most menial of things.

God continues to be absolute.
Loving.
Merciful.
Gracious.

But me?
Well.
I don't really want to go there right now.
I probably should.
But I'm not going to.

I am weak.


'... let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.'
[Hebrews 10:22-23]

Ch. 446 - He IS

' "But what about you?" Jesus asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "You are the Christ." '
[Mark 8:29]

Ch. 445 - Waking Up

'Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." '
[Ephesians 5:11-14]

Ch. 444 - Needing to Stop

I am beginning to worry about the future - something I have, quite honestly, not done much of in the past. I know I shouldn't, yadda yadda yadda. But I'm at a point where I feel old. I'm twenty, right? Right. Not that old, I know. Here's what I figure, though. The average life expectancy of a U.S. female is eighty years, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. That means that I have lived a quarter of my life, statistically. These twenty years have flown by! And I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.

I don't have anything to show for... living.

Letters on my third grade report card don't matter. I should change that to second grade, actually, seeing how I don't even remember anything from that year... Having learned to color inside the lines hasn't turned out to be a big deal. When do I even get to color these days? Never! Alright, so I was always the best speller in the class and prided myself on that. Big deal. I hate watching the National Spelling Bee, but I always end up doing so anyway. I didn't keep up with dance, softball, or swimming. I loved them all and was fairly decent in each, but when I started getting to the point where things had to take a turn for the serious, I didn't want to push myself to work hard and get better. "It wasn't fun anymore." And my parents didn't push me, either. Which I appreciated at the time being, but now I wish they had.

So at this moment I feel like I haven't done anything. There are kids half my age who are far more accomplished than I. I mean, good for them! They've got their talents and abilities and that's great! But seriously. This is a 'me' moment, and I'm not afraid to let it show. Obviously.

I just don't have anything to capitalize on, you know? I'm 'okay' at a number of things, but not 'great' or even 'good' at any certain thing. Writing. I would love to be published somehow, but how that would ever happen, I don't know. Critically acclaimed? Yes, please and thank you! Speaking. I want to be influential. Motivational. But I'm me. I'm... just Nat. What have I got to say to others that hasn't been said before?

I don't feel like I've ever been anywhere and I don't feel like I'll ever get anywhere. I want to be a missionary. Great. But what do I want to do? I have no idea. I want to travel and meet people and see new things and experience anything and everything that this beautiful, big world has to offer. But I feel so stuck. And I have this dreadful feeling that even after I graduate, that's what I will continue to be. Stuck.

Awful word, isn't it?
It's so ugly.
I don't like the sound of it.
I don't like the look of it.
And so I certainly don't like using it to describe my situational feeling.

I just want to fly!

Wrench my legs out of the mud I'm standing in, dash forward as fast as my legs will carry me, and smoothly take off into the air. Sail on the breeze to someplace where people don't know my name. Don't know of my failures or accomplishments. Don't know of where I come from. I want to land on a hot, black tarmac in the middle of nowhere and get around by the kindness and hospitality of strangers, with a bit of sheer dumb luck added in.

Idiotic? Oh, absolutely.
Could I care less? Probably not.

That's how desperate I am.

I just want to get out there and get to know people and learn of their histories. Their cultures. Their passions. And really just love them for who they are, as children of God. And, in the process, maybe throw out Jesus' name here and there and see where it gets me. I'd be smart about it, of course. Do my research beforehand and whatnot. But I don't want to be spoon-fed anything and I don't want to be told exactly how things should be done, if I don't truly need to be.

I wish I could just spin a globe,
press my finger down,
and book a flight to the country it lands on.

I would leave tomorrow.

I wish, I wish, I wish. I'm so afraid that I will spend my whole life making wishes, and that none of them will ever be granted.
I wish I could go here.
Or there.
I wish I could do this.
Or that.
I wish I could get married.
I wish I could have a couple kids.

Remember what I said at the beginning of this post? That I'm beginning to worry about the future? Yeah, well, here's the deal - I'm worried that I'm not going to get to do any of what I want. There it is. And I just want to beat myself up for saying all this. I am so prideful, so selfish. It's all about me and what I want. But then I figure as long as I somehow twist it the slightest bit and add something about God or Jesus, it makes it alright.

Not true.

What a creature I am. But honestly, neither saying something nor not saying anything will make these thoughts go away. So it's really a lose-lose situation. Thus, I figure I might as well just get them out there and [hopefully] off my mind for at least awhile. Seriously, though. What am I going to do with myself? I feel like I'm about to go crazy.


'Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.'
[Psalm 55:22]

Ch. 443 - Shepherd of the Sheep

'May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.'
[Hebrews 13:20-21]

Ch. 442 - Undesirable?

' "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." '
[Joshua 24:15]

Ch. 441 - Continue

'So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.'
[Colossians 2:6-7]

Ch. 440 - In Due Time

'Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.'
[1 Peter 5:6]

Ch. 439 - Evaluate

I am such a hypocrite.
And the least Christ-like person I know.

I don't even know what to do with myself right now.
As much as I know God loves me and whatnot, I am really having a hard time seeing how He can right now. But I have no one to blame but myself for this, so I need to stop worrying about it and just lay it at the feet of Christ. God will let things settle the way He wants. I made this choice for myself, and that's that.


'Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint;
O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in
agony.
My soul is in anguish.
How long, O Lord, how long?

Turn, O Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.'
[Psalm 6:2-4]