After having sought advice from a handful of God-loving, truth-seeking people, I feel much better. I do have people looking out for me and have my best interest at heart. So even though what some of them said stung a little, I knew it was for the best; it made me realize all the more that I needed help and, as we all know, sometimes the truth hurts.
I spoke today with Jeremy, a dear friend whom I have not had contact with since the end of the school year and he really pushed me to get into the Word, seek out God's will to the best of my ability and pray, pray, pray. He also reminded me to be aware of my attitude, which is incredibly important. His homework assignment for me was to pray, read Job 22:21-30, and then whatever else I felt called to read. Just spend time with God, really, and so that's what I've been doing. Finally.
Anyway. After reading the bit of Job, which speaks of submission and returning to God - oh boy - I contemplated what to read next. I kept thinking about the word "mirror". I spoke with another friend yesterday and I sort of went through a reality check while he was talking at one point. I had heard him say this before, but he said something along the lines of, "I would look in the mirror and just hate who I saw." He would think that he was stupid and worthless and that there was really just no reason to live. I'm not going to lie. I've done the same thing and thought the same things. And while my angst and depression has never been anywhere as deep as his was at one point or another, it resonated soundly within me and I realized that if I kept going down the path that I recently started down, I could possibly end up in a hole just as deep as his had been. So I've decided to really start reflecting on who I am and what kind of person God has created me to be. And to not be afraid of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I mean, people change. God refines us, you know?
So this is why I've been thinking about mirrors. I knew there was a verse that speaks of a mirror in James, but couldn't remember which one. I checked my concordance and found the following:
'Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does.'
[James 1:22-25]
This was really convicting. Even James 1:21 says, '[Therefore,] get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.'
So this verse even more so reiterated something Jeremy told me in regards to putting on the armor of God and using Scripture as my sword against sin. Fantastic, right? And in verses 22-25, I couldn't help but be pleased with the fact that we should not just listen to the word but do what it says, which is really what everything seems to be coming down to for me. It's just interesting how one thing can lead to another, even coming from different people, so that God leads you to Him and then speaks to you through His word.
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