Ch. 501 - Passion and Prayer

Passion.
A blessing.
A curse.

I want to do so much with the passions God has placed within me.
But I don't know the first step I need to take, or in what direction I'd take it.

I feel as if I have all this weight pressing on my heart.
And if I don't do something to relieve the pressure, I will go crazy.

I was talking to my mom when I went home the other day. For whatever reason, it was an emotional day. I'm not one to cry often. But then, of course, there are those days where the floodgates open and I can't help myself. I find that usually I'm affected by the people around me when it comes to that kind of thing. So, naturally, because my mom was [I think] more emotional, so was I. Anyway, I was talking about Central and the upcoming year. I talked a lot, and expressed practically every feeling on the spectrum, ranging from sorrow to joy to irritation. It was one of those conversations where I learned a few things as I went along... I didn't really realize what I was saying until after I said it. I was letting my mom know how I felt about some people at school and the leadership and as I sat on a kitchen counter, I burst out with, "I love my school, mom! I love the students!" and started to cry. Out of frustration. Out of happiness. I like that about myself. I have passion for the place where I am and the people I am with at the time being. Someone [whom I've never even met] reminded me that I shouldn't be looking so far to the future to serve God. It's likely that there's a mission and a ministry right where you are. That's more than true for me in the here and now, especially because of where Central is located. Anyway, I simply want so badly to do all I can for my peers. For the school. For the community. See Ch. 398, if you'd like [that's how I'm feeling right now.].

But why are we given passion, desire, and motivation if we don't know what to do with it?
We can tell ourselves to expect God to do great things all we want.
"Praying in faith."
But how do we even begin to pray about letting God incubate our passions within us, letting them develop and grow?

It's simple, I suppose. We just... do.
Pray. And then pray some more.

I mean, why not?
Here's the thing. I love prayer.
But I'm not going to lie - sometimes I find myself wondering what the heck I'm doing. Why would God want to listen to me? Why would He answer my prayers? I'm no one special. Obviously things aren't going to happen if it's not His will, but otherwise it's safe to say that He does, indeed, answer prayer. He sets things in motion for His glory. I just have a hard time believing that He'd want to do anything for us. Man is ugly. There are exceptions. But seriously... we fall. We fall over and over. Yet God continues to be there to catch us and clean up our messes. He even sent His Son to die for us. So when I think about that, I realize that maybe I shouldn't be so frugal and doubtful when it comes to prayer. If laying down your life is the greatest love... it's "been there, done that" for God. I imagine prayer is easy for Him, as the Divine Creator of everything. So really, praying in faith shouldn't be something for me to shy away from. I should be embracing the concept, if anything.

I can't give up on these passions.
I need to be praying for passion, among other things.

God listens.
God gives.
God is good.


' "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." '
[Matthew 21:22]