Ch. 555 - The Recovery

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if I've become a different person. I can't decide whether I like it or not. Because while I do believe I've changed for the better, I can't completely tell if it's because I've turned to God and finally let Him show me who He truly created me to be, or if I'm simply putting on a mask of someone whom I'd like to be. Now, it is of my own desire, my own choice to take each day with a positive attitude and a cheerful disposition. For example, I begin most days by praying to God for exactly that - and I think it does help me get started on the right foot. And I seem to notice a difference when I don't pray first thing or include that desire in my prayers.

So, in summary:
I pray, I'm good to go.
I've been happier.
I attempt to draw closer to God.

However...

I'm not completely focusing on God throughout my days. And while I do believe that He is the source of my joy, I've come to realize that it is a joy shared with other people. By that I mean my joy is not fully found in God. And thus I find myself turning to my friends as much as, if not more than God.

I don't like that.

Granted, I don't believe it's necessarily a bad thing to receive joy in spending time with others or learning about people. "Fellowship." Right...

But here's the thing:
I said I 'attempt' to draw closer to God.
I feel like I've lost the fire I had a few weeks ago.
I know what's changed. And that's good.
"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."
I need to turn around.
Walk back a few steps.
Find a balance.
It will make things so much better, I think.

I am continually amazed by the fact that our God is consistent.
Man is incredibly inconsistent. Unstable.
Ruled by fear.
Ruled by desires.
Fear God.
Turn away.


'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'
[Psalm 73:26]