Ch. 560 - The Heartbreaker

I've prayed for him and I've cursed him.
I've loved him and I've hated him.
I've laughed because of him and I've cried because of him.
I've been attached to him and I've ignored him.
I died because of him, and I am living because of him.

I don't know why, but God has placed him in my life for a reason and I will never stop loving him - as a brother in Christ, and as a friend. Life is tough for him. Always has been and, most likely, always will be. This is due to a lot of circumstances that were out of his control, but it has also been due to a lot of choices that he has made over the past few years. Realizations of consequences of said choices are just now hitting him, I think. He is hurting. It's in his voice. And while I'm sure he's becoming a stronger person through it all, things are not how they should be. The biggest thing is that he's not living a life for Christ anymore. He's not God-focused. He said he prays to God in thanksgiving every day, but his relationship with Him isn't what it used to be.

He made Christ come alive for me.
I wished my faith could be like his.
True.
Honest.
Open.
Real.
A way of life.

And now he's saying he wishes his faith could be like mine.

... Wow.

It pains me to see how he's taken so many steps backwards in regards to his walk with God. I pray and pray and pray and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY... but for the most part I see or hear of nothing that makes me think it makes a difference. It's incredibly discouraging at times... that is, until I receive something such as a random text from him asking how I'm doing. Because that alone is an answer to a facet of my prayers. A question asked, a prayer request here and there, an update through a phone conversation... all these may seem prosaic and ordinary to most people, but to me they are, indeed, answers to my prayers and thus are cherished gifts that I hold dear to my heart.

But I hate the fact that all I can do is pray and ask God to speak to him through me when we do get the opportunity to talk. I just feel like I should and could be doing so much more for him - but I unfortunately know that cannot be the case.

I can't change him.
I can't soften his heart.
I can't make him do anything.

But my Lord God can do these things.

And I need to remember that.

Just because there is seemingly no evidence of progress doesn't mean that it won't happen. I need to trust God and remind myself that He works all things out for good. There is a purpose for everything. And my God is an awfully amazing God.
Patience.
Patience.
Patience.

Pray in faith.
Expect great things.


'Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.'
[Psalm 90:13-14]