Ch. 650 - Choices, choices...

Alright. I'm done. The assignment devotionals helped in catching up, but that's all I'm going to use them for, I think. Most excellent.

Anyway, I was doing a lot of thinking about something today... really over the past week now... and from all this thinking I decided the thing I dislike about myself the most is how indecisive I am. Or it's at least in the top three... but seriously. It's pretty bad. I remember writing about being indecisive on my other blog some time ago, so I thought I would transfer it over:

"Indecisive" - May 2008

'I am indecisive.

I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.

However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.

It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.

It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.

I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.

I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.

Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Okay, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.'

[I feel no differently now than I did almost two years ago. Oh! But I have, since then, changed shampoo/conditioner... and I've stuck with them for about seven months now. Awesome. I still use the same laundry detergent, however. Ha.]

I've often wondered why I'm so indecisive. Is it because I'm afraid of making wrong choices? Am I worried what people will think of the decision I make, the route I take? I really don't know. And then of course there are the decisions of change that you make, thinking the change will be better than what you have... and then you are quick to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I mean, it's not that bad. It's just not what you expected. And you know that if you give it some time, the grass will be just as green as, if not greener than the other side currently is.

But still. You can't decide what you want to do. Er, I can't decide what I want to do. And I don't like it. But you know what makes it alright? The fact that I have a glorious Helper. He guides me. Directs my steps. Gives me hints, if you will. "Mmm, getting warm... ope, colder... colder. There you go. Warmer... warmer... hot, hot, hot!" And I know that He will not lead me astray. There's no way that I can be indecisive if I truly listen to Him, because who would I be to go against His will for me? I think desiring to be in His will, guided by Him, will cure me [if you will] of my indecisiveness. He will make my decisions for me... because really, He made them for me a long time ago.


'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]