Ch. 769 - The List: Plans

I find it interesting that we "plan" in such a variety of ways. There are things that we plan to do - and there are things that we do not plan to do, and yet happen anyway. There are blue-print plans, and flight plans. There are activity plans, and pension plans. There are plans made to achieve and succeed, and there are plans made to ruin and destroy. Designing. Projecting. Intending. All part of the planning process.

I feel that most often, we plan for ourselves - both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes we have a very specific goal or aim in mind, and plan accordingly. Other times we have a deep desire or need, without even realizing what they are, and yet the paths we traverse are centered around fulfilling or obtaining said desire or need. Westerners especially plan for themselves, I think. Always trying to get ahead, and then stay ahead, of others. We make these lofty plans because of what our culture and media tell us are important: wealth, power, success... and we will do anything and everything to "make it".

Planning... I do love thee.
But I have, to a great extent, given up on you.
You're just no good for me, it seems.
You let me down, time and time again.
How many plans have I created? How many plans have seemed to rule my life? How often has my reliance on plans gotten in the way of truly living? And how often has God had to remind me that it is HIS plan that truly matters the most?

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that we absolutely, positively cannot plan. For one thing, I think I would go crazy if doing so was not allowed. I am a planner. Simple and true. But "planning" does not define me, nor my life. Not anymore, that is. It certainly used to; God took care of that [see Chapter 8]. I talk about planning a lot, I feel. It really is a big deal to me. Thus, I am so glad that quite some time ago I came to the beautiful realization that God has done enough planning for me... I needn't worry. Or stress. Or be fearful, anxious. And I feel that we do need to make plans to an extent - make plans so that we can follow His plan. We should not, however, be surprised if/when God tweaks our plans. His will be done. If our plans do not fit His will, then, well... He'll help and guide you. That's all. He is in control. He holds us in His hands. And He desires the very best for each and every one of us. What a calming, reassuring thought. God the Provider, God the Creator, God the Planner - He loves you. So seek Him. Trust Him. And obey Him.

Ch. 709 - Missions Kid

I have been dubbed one of the "missions kids" here at Central, basically because Mike Worstell always picked on me [Spock] in classes, and I've done skits for Harvesters during chapel. Awesome.

But I don't mind. Because it's true... I plan on doing missions. And I'm totally stoked. I'm going to the Middle East next summer for my internship and I could not be more excited to get some great hands-on experience and see what life is like as a missionary in the Middle East. I don't know what to expect. I mean, I kind of do - I'm learned in the culture, history, religions, etc. of the region... oh research, how I love thee. But research pales in comparison to actually living amongst it all. Seeing it. Hearing it. Feeling it. Tasting it. Smelling it. I'm sure each day will bring new surprises - pleasant or unpleasant - and unexpected twists or turns. I'll be glad for these, though.

Proclaim His name. Share His love.
That's what I desire to do.
Wherever He calls me, I will go.
Am I ready? No.
But I have time.
And God will prepare me.


'Give thanks to the Lord, call on his
name;
make known among the nations
what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.'
[Psalm 105:1-2]

......

Click here to revisit Chapter 126.

Ch. 668 - "Incline Your Ear"

' "Thus has the Lord of hosts said, 'Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother...' " '
[Zechariah 7:9, NASB]

' "And just as He called and they would not listen, so they called and I would not listen," says the Lord of hosts.'
[Zechariah 7:13, NASB]

I am so thankful that God turns His ear to me continually... even when I do not take the time to turn my ear to Him. And for the most part, that's technically fine. God loves me no more. God loves me no less. But this doesn't mean that I should not feel it necessary to do so. It's one more way to strengthen my obedience to Him. And by listening to Him, God will teach me how He wants me to "dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion" to my brothers and sisters - as well as nonbelievers.

Ch. 656 - Lord

Listen to God.
Obey.
You will be blessed.
He makes things entirely right.


'For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.'
[2 Samuel 22:32-33]

Ch. 257 - Opening Up

I have no clue what I'm going to do in the future.
I have no clue where I'm going to be.
I have no clue who I'm going to be working with.
I have no clue who I'm going to start a family with.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I do not like not having a set-in-stone plan. I do not like not knowing what's going to happen. Don't get me wrong, spontaneity is fine. And surprises are fantastic. But when it really comes down to it, I like having a good bit of knowledge as to what will be going down, and when, and where, and with whom.

I'm still really struggling with simply knowing that God will take care of it all. I know He'll set the ball in motion, but I have to acknowledge what He's doing and take that first step towards it. And that's tough. I think I'd be having a much easier time with everything if I weren't so darn indecisive... not gonna lie.

I'm basically taking one step forward, then two steps back.
And it's all because I'm not putting enough trust in God.
I'm not okay with that.


' "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." '
[Matthew 14:28-33]

Ch. 128 - Repeating Kindergarten

Do you remember the first days of school? Especially kindergarten - because you were at long last going to go to 'regular' school with the big kids. I certainly remember those days. Getting to finally ride the school bus as a fellow big kid was, by far, one of the highlights of 1994-95.

Last year was just like kindergarten. Getting to go to college with 'the big kids' was a huge deal. I knew that my freshman year of college was going to be absolutely grand, and once it was over... it was over. I'd be well into the brand new start. Sophomore year would come and go. I'd be settled. Familiar. Junior year would come and go. Really get into my major's coursework. Internships. Study abroad. And then I would practically stumble into senior year, tripping over the excitement of almost being done. That'd be it. I'd graduate. I'd go off and do, well, whatever.

For the last time, I'm getting the chance to start anew once again. I'll be a freshman. Again. For the third time, technically. New school. New major. New faces. New classes. I'm getting a brand new start. And I'm more grateful for it than you can imagine!

I bring this all up because today I was finally granted access to the student portal of CCCB (Central Christian College of the Bible). I browsed around a bit and saw that I could get started on an unofficial class registration, so I did just that. I pre-registered for my fall classes and let me tell you, I am now even more excited to head off to Moberly in August!

Life of Christ I
Christian Discipleship
Survey of Pentateuch
Foundations of Christianity
World Geography
SALT: Information [Service And Leadership Training]

Seriously. Best. classes. ever. These are the types of classes I've been waiting to take all my life. I just didn't know it until this past year. ! Kind of funny how these things work out, huh?

Ha.


' "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." '
[Matthew 7:7-8]

Ch. 94 - Love HIM

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.'
[Deuteronomy 6:5]

6. May 2010 Edit:

This is the greatest command we are to obey.
It has been given to us by our Lord God.

Love Him.

Love Him with all your heart.
Love Him with all your soul.
Love Him with all your strength.
Even with all your mind [Matthew 22:37].

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we are at all capable of doing this. I mean... that's a lotta lovin'. But I don't think that God would give us a command that we are unable to follow. I believe that, at the very least, attempting to obey this command is what He desires. We're not perfect. We're not going to get it all right. We don't always have everything together. And God knows that. He is an understanding God. A good God. A loving God. A giving God. He is the easiest Being to love, really, because of all these things. He will take any bit of love that we give Him and cherish it. We don't need to be afraid that our love is not sufficient for Him.

Ch. 91 - Who Am I?

I judge people.

A lot.

Well, maybe not too much. But definitely more than I should.
Which, in my opinion, should technically be never.

What gives me the right to be around someone and assume I know them... their mind... their heart... by the way they act or by something they said?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

My mom said something a few days ago about me being able to perceive people well. I took that as a compliment. But perceiving people in such ways is entirely different from judging people. The only one who can and will righteously judge others is our Lord. May He forgive me for judging His people wrongly and help me repent so that I don't continue to do so.


'You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.'
[Romans 2:1-2]

Ch. 60 - Sprin-g-Row

Spring. Grow.

At Cru this past Thursday the speaker, Rick, gave us a sheet to follow for spring break. For each of the nine days there is a theme, bible verses to read and possible activities corresponding to the theme. We were to ask nine people if we could pray about anything for them. We can take notes for each day if we'd like.

Today was the first day; the theme was serve. The Bible verses were Mark 10:42-45, 2 Corinthians 4:5 and Philippians 2:3-4. I decided to clean Darcy and Katie's room a bit... just some vacuuming (I love to vacuum, is that weird?), taking out of the trash and recycling, some light dusting (I also love dusting) and cleaning the tops of their desks and dressers. Oh! I also lint-rolled Darcy's black chair, because I love to lint roll as well.

Yes, I'm a freak.

Now that that's been confirmed, I must say that I love serving. You can serve in so many ways. There are many people who need a hand or two - why not offer yours? We are called to be the least by serving not only those who are the greatest, but also those who are considered the least.


'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.'
[Philippians 2:3-4]

Ch. 57 - Trust God

I am so lonely.

That stupid tree thing is right.

I've felt like this for probably two weeks, too. It's not just me saying, "Hm. I thought I was kind of lonely - and since this says that I often am, I guess it's true." And it's not like I'm never around people or never do anything. I just feel alone. That's it.

I'm tired, too.

Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feeling letdown.
Tired of feeling disliked.
Tired of being lectured.
Tired of feeling stupid.

I don't want to be in Utah.
I don't want to go on summer project.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't want to hang out with anyone.

I want to leave.
Travel the world.
I want to volunteer.
Work with my hands.
I want to speak عربي.
Learn from native speakers.

I want to disappear.

Not forever. Just for a bit.
Not to "find myself" - I'm not that cliché - but to do what I want.

My heart says, "Go."
I've had numerous conversations with people in regards to how what you feel you want, what your heart tells you, is God.

Is this so irrational?

I know you should honor God with your actions. Worship through living your life for Him without being afraid to give Him everything. Who says this couldn't be the greatest act of worship I could ever give Him? Disciples dropped everything for Jesus. Everything. They left their families. Their jobs. Their possessions. And for what reason? To follow Him. To learn. To love. To be loved. This is what I want and I feel, in turn, what He wants as well.


'... "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]

Ch. 45 - Note for the Future

As I was cleaning out my desk today, I found something I had written for Shawn awhile ago. We had been talking about going into youth ministry and our love for youth and such - but Shawn couldn't help but admit that she didn't particularly care for certain youth... notedly sixth grade boys. They're annoying. They're pubescent. They're obnoxious. They're roughhousers. They're sixth. grade. boys. Enough said.

Here's what I had written:

'If God can love all of us - sinners, murderers, adulterers, thieves, etc. - there's no reason we should not be able to love sixth grade boys.'

Because we are loved, we can love. We can love everybody. And not just pretend to love - but truly, honestly love. With sincerity. [Romans 12:9] That's what God wants of us, after all.


'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.'
[1 Peter 1:22-23]