Oh, how my heart aches.
I see a sister walking down a path that I once traveled.
I see a sister turning away from the Christ whom she so lovingly showed me.
I see a sister making a mistake - even though I know I do not know the story.
I see confusion.
I see desperation.
I see misguidance.
I see a lost girl.
I know.
I feel.
I remember.
I remember what it was like to be lost.
To be going down a path that seems to simply be... "right".
The worst part? Sometimes I feel fingers, reaching from the false light, tugging at me. How strong and relentless they can be. More than once have I believed that my heart and mind were going to be ripped into pieces.
And so I fear for this lost girl that I see.
... Yet all I can do is pray.
Pray that she continues to seek for truth... for the Truth.
Pray that she is influenced by someone as I was influenced by her.
Pray that she turns around and runs back to Him who holds her in His hands.
And pray that she comes to fully understand the meaning of John 14:6.
... Just as I did on that beautiful spring morning two and a half years ago.
Oh, how my heart aches.
But there is a peace that washes over me as I remember that HE is so much bigger than any of us. My soul is calmed as my spirit is stirred.
......
I just realized that this post has something to do with the first item of that "list" I created in Ch. 765. Thus, the title change from "One return. One departure." to "The List: Islam". I had said I would likely be posting reflections on each thing that I listed. I didn't know what those reflections would look like or how/when they would begin. ... But obviously, it just sort of... happened, eh? So alright, then. Here we go.
Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts
January 1, 2011
October 20, 2010
Ch. 754 - Roll
God is so much bigger than you.
... Than me.
Why is it so difficult for us to lay to rest the trivial matters that do not even affect our personal salvations? Our personal ministries? Our personal relationships with the God Who loves us more than we know... ?
More often than not, no one is to blame but yourself when these things are affected in such a way that is deemed undesirable, unfair, unreasonable, irrational, upsetting, etc.
When are we going to accept the fact that we do not know what is best?
When are we going to accept the fact that we need to learn to trust?
When are we going to accept the fact that change happens?
... Sometimes simply embracing change makes it all the more easy to understand, rather than kicking against the goads trying to comprehend all the facets of said change. Learn things for yourself. Don't skip around between multiple points of view.
Multiple stories.
Multiple lies.
Multiple hurts.
Turn away from that which is meaningless.
Turn, in entirety, to Him Who reigns on high.
... To Him Who is above all else.
' "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..." '
[Matthew 6:33a]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 356.
... Than me.
Why is it so difficult for us to lay to rest the trivial matters that do not even affect our personal salvations? Our personal ministries? Our personal relationships with the God Who loves us more than we know... ?
More often than not, no one is to blame but yourself when these things are affected in such a way that is deemed undesirable, unfair, unreasonable, irrational, upsetting, etc.
When are we going to accept the fact that we do not know what is best?
When are we going to accept the fact that we need to learn to trust?
When are we going to accept the fact that change happens?
... Sometimes simply embracing change makes it all the more easy to understand, rather than kicking against the goads trying to comprehend all the facets of said change. Learn things for yourself. Don't skip around between multiple points of view.
Multiple stories.
Multiple lies.
Multiple hurts.
Turn away from that which is meaningless.
Turn, in entirety, to Him Who reigns on high.
... To Him Who is above all else.
' "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..." '
[Matthew 6:33a]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 356.
August 23, 2010
Ch. 735 - The Ache Within
A few days ago I visited the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City. I really love the arts, and visiting the museum was a wonderful experience. From sculptures to photographs to paintings... I walked through the hallways and exhibit rooms with an open mind and an appreciative eye.
I always feel really comfortable in museums. I enjoy art history and find myself reading up on artists, styles and time periods, etc. from time to time; I especially like to read about my favorite artist, Henri Matisse [click here!], and fauvism. Another little-known fact about Natalie: the 'art' section of Barnes and Noble is more often than not the first section I make a beeline for when I step foot inside. When I look at works of art I feel at peace. Content. Relaxed. Of course, my mind works overtime; I am constantly asking myself questions, wondering about the artistic process and the thoughts of the artist as their hands fabricated the masterpieces that we come to see, know, and love.
So I was really excited to visit a new museum. I thoroughly enjoyed browsing the newest exhibitions, as well as collected works of the museum. Fantastic day. Thus, imagine my surprise when I walked into an extension of the Asian galleries and simply stopped. No breathing. No thinking. No moving. I just... froze. I had walked, head down, into a room painted entirely red. As I lifted my head and looked around, I saw multiple statues of Buddha surrounding me. I mean, there were literally hundreds of Buddha figures in this part of the museum. Large statues, small figurines. Heads, full bodies. And all within different styles. Paintings, too. It was... overwhelming. For a few moments, I felt... afraid. Anxious. Sad.
Aggrieved.
I felt an ache within that I am none too familiar with.
And I hated it.
I truly hated it.
That place.
That sight.
At first, I thought I couldn't handle it.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to scream.
But instead I took a deep breath and continued onward through the sea of statues. Oh, how I longed to run from those red rooms.
So I did.
Well. Practically.
I didn't run so much as walk quickly.
Coward.
But it was okay. Because that ache turned into a rising passion, which evolved into a realization of the deep desire that I have. The desire for people to know the true God. The living God. Creator, Ruler, Master. King of Kings, Lord of Lords. The Lion, the Lamb, the Lover of all souls. That ache turned into a long-lasting fuel that I will be able to use indefinitely.
Besides, what will happen when I go to the Middle East?
Hijabs.
Mosques.
Minarets.
Calligraphy.
Constant reminders of a faith that I once claimed as my own. Downtowns of the Bible Belt have churches on every corner; I'm not going to lie - a mosque on every corner just sounds... weird. The names of Allah and Muhammad on walls and doors and windows and signs.... everywhere. Whether by muezzin or recording, heralds of the call to prayer are heard five times a day... every day.
What then?
Will I freeze up, gripped by fear and anxiety and sadness?
Will I want to run?
Or will I feel, all the more, that ache... that desire... to spread the Word of my Lord God and Savior?
Only He knows.
Regardless, I do know that I can only rely on Him, trusting Him for strength, courage, and boldness.
' "You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." '
[Exodus 20:3-6]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 199.
I always feel really comfortable in museums. I enjoy art history and find myself reading up on artists, styles and time periods, etc. from time to time; I especially like to read about my favorite artist, Henri Matisse [click here!], and fauvism. Another little-known fact about Natalie: the 'art' section of Barnes and Noble is more often than not the first section I make a beeline for when I step foot inside. When I look at works of art I feel at peace. Content. Relaxed. Of course, my mind works overtime; I am constantly asking myself questions, wondering about the artistic process and the thoughts of the artist as their hands fabricated the masterpieces that we come to see, know, and love.
So I was really excited to visit a new museum. I thoroughly enjoyed browsing the newest exhibitions, as well as collected works of the museum. Fantastic day. Thus, imagine my surprise when I walked into an extension of the Asian galleries and simply stopped. No breathing. No thinking. No moving. I just... froze. I had walked, head down, into a room painted entirely red. As I lifted my head and looked around, I saw multiple statues of Buddha surrounding me. I mean, there were literally hundreds of Buddha figures in this part of the museum. Large statues, small figurines. Heads, full bodies. And all within different styles. Paintings, too. It was... overwhelming. For a few moments, I felt... afraid. Anxious. Sad.
Aggrieved.
I felt an ache within that I am none too familiar with.
And I hated it.
I truly hated it.
That place.
That sight.
At first, I thought I couldn't handle it.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to scream.
But instead I took a deep breath and continued onward through the sea of statues. Oh, how I longed to run from those red rooms.
So I did.
Well. Practically.
I didn't run so much as walk quickly.
Coward.
But it was okay. Because that ache turned into a rising passion, which evolved into a realization of the deep desire that I have. The desire for people to know the true God. The living God. Creator, Ruler, Master. King of Kings, Lord of Lords. The Lion, the Lamb, the Lover of all souls. That ache turned into a long-lasting fuel that I will be able to use indefinitely.
Besides, what will happen when I go to the Middle East?
Hijabs.
Mosques.
Minarets.
Calligraphy.
Constant reminders of a faith that I once claimed as my own. Downtowns of the Bible Belt have churches on every corner; I'm not going to lie - a mosque on every corner just sounds... weird. The names of Allah and Muhammad on walls and doors and windows and signs.... everywhere. Whether by muezzin or recording, heralds of the call to prayer are heard five times a day... every day.
What then?
Will I freeze up, gripped by fear and anxiety and sadness?
Will I want to run?
Or will I feel, all the more, that ache... that desire... to spread the Word of my Lord God and Savior?
Only He knows.
Regardless, I do know that I can only rely on Him, trusting Him for strength, courage, and boldness.
' "You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." '
[Exodus 20:3-6]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 199.
August 7, 2010
Ch. 720 - Thoughts, Pt. Four
The other day I was at a store. I was walking down an aisle. The aisle was neither terribly wide nor narrow. I mean, there were people on either side of me and still a bit of room to spare on the outside edges. Walking towards me were a man and a young girl, presumably his daughter. They were holding hands. Right before they passed us, the man raised his hand that was holding the girl's hand, and used her arm to direct her where to go, walking directly behind her. As the two passed, I looked over my shoulder. The man had momentarily let go of the girl's hand, and then as they turned down another aisle, took it again. This made me think of guidance we sometimes receive from God. He walks beside us. With us. But sometimes the path becomes crowded. Narrow. Dark. Difficult to traverse. And I believe that God wants us to learn how to navigate these paths on our own, at times. I mean, I don't think we should always expect God go to ahead of us, clearing a path and shining a bright light. Sometimes we need to move forward on our own. Of course, He will continue to be with us, but one step behind... so that we can learn. Be guided. Trust. In Him, of course... not ourselves. To build up a reliance upon Him, knowing that He will steer us in the correct or desired direction. And just for a moment, He may let go... but we need not fear or worry. He is always with us.
June 1, 2010
Ch. 714 - "Tiaka..."
I haven't published a post for the last two weeks for a number of reasons. Those reasons don't matter, nor do my writings. It's not a big deal. I've been writing in a notebook now and then, in addition to the random notations I jot down in my blank page journal that I tote everywhere. Man that thing is great... Anyway, I haven't decided whether I'm going to use any of those writings for future posts. Probably not.
To be completely honest, I don't think I'm going to write any posts for the remainder of the summer. That's another decision I have yet to make. I'm on the verge of being swept into a new season of my life and I really think it needs to be a time of little to no "technological communication". No texting. No Facebook. No Blogspot. No computer, really, except for when I need it to do something for my online courses I'm taking this summer. I just want to unplug. And I think I'd be able to do so quite easily, to tell you the truth. For others, I know it'd be incredibly difficult. Even teachers at school are noted for being tech-savvy and "with it" to such a great degree that they are constantly checking their smart phones with every vibration or ding that come from the devices. Sad. Necessary? At times, perhaps. But still... sad.
A few weeks ago I went down to IHOP-KC with a friend. The moment we arrived, my friend went into the café in search of an electrical outlet for his computer. And then he started to freak out because his phone was about to die and he didn't have his charger. He began to ask others in the café if they had an iPhone charger. Once he found someone who did, I knew that was it... he would be plugged into the wall for the entire time we were there. He only went into the prayer room when the café had closed, and it was too dark/cool outside to stay there any longer. I was pretty disappointed. Not with him, mind you - but for him. If only he could have fully realized what he was missing out on. What really got me was something he said at the beginning of our time at IHOP. He mentioned that he was upset because he felt the need to be able to be connected to people at all times.
Calls. Texts. Twitter. Emails. Skype.
Do we truly need to be "on the grid" at all times? ... I don't think so. To each his own, I suppose. But I feel that it's important to be on the grid with the One who matters most... constantly listening, watching, and waiting for something from Him.
Messages. Revelations. Truths.
Wait for Him.
That is one of the greatest things - if not the greatest - that I learned this past year. Sometimes that is the best thing we could ever do. Simply wait for God.
And trust that He will show up.
Trust that He will answer.
Trust that He will help.
Trust that He will guide.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 155.
To be completely honest, I don't think I'm going to write any posts for the remainder of the summer. That's another decision I have yet to make. I'm on the verge of being swept into a new season of my life and I really think it needs to be a time of little to no "technological communication". No texting. No Facebook. No Blogspot. No computer, really, except for when I need it to do something for my online courses I'm taking this summer. I just want to unplug. And I think I'd be able to do so quite easily, to tell you the truth. For others, I know it'd be incredibly difficult. Even teachers at school are noted for being tech-savvy and "with it" to such a great degree that they are constantly checking their smart phones with every vibration or ding that come from the devices. Sad. Necessary? At times, perhaps. But still... sad.
A few weeks ago I went down to IHOP-KC with a friend. The moment we arrived, my friend went into the café in search of an electrical outlet for his computer. And then he started to freak out because his phone was about to die and he didn't have his charger. He began to ask others in the café if they had an iPhone charger. Once he found someone who did, I knew that was it... he would be plugged into the wall for the entire time we were there. He only went into the prayer room when the café had closed, and it was too dark/cool outside to stay there any longer. I was pretty disappointed. Not with him, mind you - but for him. If only he could have fully realized what he was missing out on. What really got me was something he said at the beginning of our time at IHOP. He mentioned that he was upset because he felt the need to be able to be connected to people at all times.
Calls. Texts. Twitter. Emails. Skype.
Do we truly need to be "on the grid" at all times? ... I don't think so. To each his own, I suppose. But I feel that it's important to be on the grid with the One who matters most... constantly listening, watching, and waiting for something from Him.
Messages. Revelations. Truths.
Wait for Him.
That is one of the greatest things - if not the greatest - that I learned this past year. Sometimes that is the best thing we could ever do. Simply wait for God.
And trust that He will show up.
Trust that He will answer.
Trust that He will help.
Trust that He will guide.
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 155.
May 8, 2010
Ch. 709 - Missions Kid
I have been dubbed one of the "missions kids" here at Central, basically because Mike Worstell always picked on me [Spock] in classes, and I've done skits for Harvesters during chapel. Awesome.
But I don't mind. Because it's true... I plan on doing missions. And I'm totally stoked. I'm going to the Middle East next summer for my internship and I could not be more excited to get some great hands-on experience and see what life is like as a missionary in the Middle East. I don't know what to expect. I mean, I kind of do - I'm learned in the culture, history, religions, etc. of the region... oh research, how I love thee. But research pales in comparison to actually living amongst it all. Seeing it. Hearing it. Feeling it. Tasting it. Smelling it. I'm sure each day will bring new surprises - pleasant or unpleasant - and unexpected twists or turns. I'll be glad for these, though.
Proclaim His name. Share His love.
That's what I desire to do.
Wherever He calls me, I will go.
Am I ready? No.
But I have time.
And God will prepare me.
'Give thanks to the Lord, call on his
name;
make known among the nations
what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.'
[Psalm 105:1-2]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 126.
But I don't mind. Because it's true... I plan on doing missions. And I'm totally stoked. I'm going to the Middle East next summer for my internship and I could not be more excited to get some great hands-on experience and see what life is like as a missionary in the Middle East. I don't know what to expect. I mean, I kind of do - I'm learned in the culture, history, religions, etc. of the region... oh research, how I love thee. But research pales in comparison to actually living amongst it all. Seeing it. Hearing it. Feeling it. Tasting it. Smelling it. I'm sure each day will bring new surprises - pleasant or unpleasant - and unexpected twists or turns. I'll be glad for these, though.
Proclaim His name. Share His love.
That's what I desire to do.
Wherever He calls me, I will go.
Am I ready? No.
But I have time.
And God will prepare me.
'Give thanks to the Lord, call on his
name;
make known among the nations
what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.'
[Psalm 105:1-2]
......
Click here to revisit Chapter 126.
November 26, 2008
Ch. 257 - Opening Up
I have no clue what I'm going to do in the future.
I have no clue where I'm going to be.
I have no clue who I'm going to be working with.
I have no clue who I'm going to start a family with.
I've said it before, I'll say it again: I do not like not having a set-in-stone plan. I do not like not knowing what's going to happen. Don't get me wrong, spontaneity is fine. And surprises are fantastic. But when it really comes down to it, I like having a good bit of knowledge as to what will be going down, and when, and where, and with whom.
I'm still really struggling with simply knowing that God will take care of it all. I know He'll set the ball in motion, but I have to acknowledge what He's doing and take that first step towards it. And that's tough. I think I'd be having a much easier time with everything if I weren't so darn indecisive... not gonna lie.
I'm basically taking one step forward, then two steps back.
And it's all because I'm not putting enough trust in God.
I'm not okay with that.
' "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." '
[Matthew 14:28-33]
I have no clue where I'm going to be.
I have no clue who I'm going to be working with.
I have no clue who I'm going to start a family with.
I've said it before, I'll say it again: I do not like not having a set-in-stone plan. I do not like not knowing what's going to happen. Don't get me wrong, spontaneity is fine. And surprises are fantastic. But when it really comes down to it, I like having a good bit of knowledge as to what will be going down, and when, and where, and with whom.
I'm still really struggling with simply knowing that God will take care of it all. I know He'll set the ball in motion, but I have to acknowledge what He's doing and take that first step towards it. And that's tough. I think I'd be having a much easier time with everything if I weren't so darn indecisive... not gonna lie.
I'm basically taking one step forward, then two steps back.
And it's all because I'm not putting enough trust in God.
I'm not okay with that.
' "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." '
[Matthew 14:28-33]
October 9, 2008
Ch. 213 - A Mighty Power
Sometimes you need a breakdown before you can get anywhere.
I've been there.
"It's always darkest before dawn."
I don't mind being broken.
I think it's necessary to grow, at times.
I want to be humbled.
I want to cry out to God.
I want to serve.
I want to be taught.
I can't do everything on my own. Anything, really. God makes all things possible. I am breathing because of Him. I am thinking because of Him. I am singing praises to Him because of Him.
I am because of Him.
I forget that too often.
'The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.'
[Job 33:4]
......
Ch. 213, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.'
[Galatians 5:13]
I've been there.
"It's always darkest before dawn."
I don't mind being broken.
I think it's necessary to grow, at times.
I want to be humbled.
I want to cry out to God.
I want to serve.
I want to be taught.
I can't do everything on my own. Anything, really. God makes all things possible. I am breathing because of Him. I am thinking because of Him. I am singing praises to Him because of Him.
I am because of Him.
I forget that too often.
'The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.'
[Job 33:4]
......
Ch. 213, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.'
[Galatians 5:13]
October 4, 2008
Ch. 208 - With the Spirit
I read Galatians during breakfast this morning. I really like the book of Galatians, especially chapters three, five and six. In fact, for my exegesis in Foundations of Christianity I went with the Galatians 6:7-10 option. Anyway, something I read really stuck out to me.
'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.'
[Galatians 5:22-26]
'Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.'
[v. 25]
This was what stuck out to me the most.
I am saved. The Holy Spirit lives in my heart. But I seem to forget that a lot. Am I truly living a Spirit-filled life? A life that is pleasing to God? Paul goes on to list the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are these fruits the main portions of my diet? I'd like to think they are... but I know that they are not.
If I want to go out and teach others others in this world to live by and with the Spirit, I have to be doing so first. And if I want others to completely be partaking in the fruits of the Spirit, again - I have to be doing so first. I can't expect to be and see a positive change for God's kingdom in this world if I'm not even fully living for and with Him. Trust me when I say that was really difficult to realize and say, but it's certainly the truth and it's about time that I do something about it. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust in the Spirit before I can truly walk with Him.
'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.'
[Galatians 3:26-27]
'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.'
[Galatians 5:22-26]
'Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.'
[v. 25]
This was what stuck out to me the most.
I am saved. The Holy Spirit lives in my heart. But I seem to forget that a lot. Am I truly living a Spirit-filled life? A life that is pleasing to God? Paul goes on to list the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are these fruits the main portions of my diet? I'd like to think they are... but I know that they are not.
If I want to go out and teach others others in this world to live by and with the Spirit, I have to be doing so first. And if I want others to completely be partaking in the fruits of the Spirit, again - I have to be doing so first. I can't expect to be and see a positive change for God's kingdom in this world if I'm not even fully living for and with Him. Trust me when I say that was really difficult to realize and say, but it's certainly the truth and it's about time that I do something about it. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust in the Spirit before I can truly walk with Him.
'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.'
[Galatians 3:26-27]
August 28, 2008
Ch. 176 - Everything is "Fine"
Just because I'm surrounded by many believers who know and love Jesus Christ doesn't mean I'm not surrounded by many believers who are hurting.
I didn't know I was scheduled for a rude awakening tonight until it was happening right before my eyes. We had a floor meeting. It was the first time for my meeting many of the girls on my floor, so it was nice to finally put names with faces I've seen. Standard procedure, I suppose. Attendance sheet passed around. Introductions. Announcements. Open dorm theme voting. It's going just fine. You can see smiles all around the group and a lot of laughter breaks out here and there.
Then come the prayer concerns.
Well, at first nobody said anything. Then our RA mentioned something that was going on in her life; once she had spoken, it was like the dam had broken. Soon all of this stuff came rushing forward.
Sad stuff.
Angry stuff.
Troublesome stuff.
Heartbreaking stuff.
You could hear the hurt in the voices.
You could see the worry in the eyes.
You could feel the anxiety in the air.
Naturally, you likely wouldn't be able to figure out that anything was wrong if you were to speak with these people. But it's there. Lurking under the surface. I don't think these girls are looking for pity. I don't think these girls are looking for sorrow.
Prayer.
Encouragement.
Strength.
Community.
That's what these girls are looking for.
That's what these girls need.
And I know I can't save the world. I'm not a superhero. But my heart went out to these girls and it's like I want to do everything possible to make things good for them. I think they're in a beautiful place to be during these difficult points in their lives (meaning to be here at Central Christian College of the Bible). I know these daunting situations are not meant by God to bring grief, but growth. But when you add in work schedules, six or so classes, mandatory service hours, relationships (whether that means friends, significant others, or both), and whatever else... the stress level increases pretty rapidly. And that's not good.
I just pray that God will place His healing hand over all of these people and that His spirit of peace and comfort will wash over them. I simply hope they just give everything to Him and completely put their trust in Him. God has a plan for all. And He is good. All the time.
'Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'
[Psalm 34:8]
......
Chapter 176, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB]
I didn't know I was scheduled for a rude awakening tonight until it was happening right before my eyes. We had a floor meeting. It was the first time for my meeting many of the girls on my floor, so it was nice to finally put names with faces I've seen. Standard procedure, I suppose. Attendance sheet passed around. Introductions. Announcements. Open dorm theme voting. It's going just fine. You can see smiles all around the group and a lot of laughter breaks out here and there.
Then come the prayer concerns.
Well, at first nobody said anything. Then our RA mentioned something that was going on in her life; once she had spoken, it was like the dam had broken. Soon all of this stuff came rushing forward.
Sad stuff.
Angry stuff.
Troublesome stuff.
Heartbreaking stuff.
You could hear the hurt in the voices.
You could see the worry in the eyes.
You could feel the anxiety in the air.
Naturally, you likely wouldn't be able to figure out that anything was wrong if you were to speak with these people. But it's there. Lurking under the surface. I don't think these girls are looking for pity. I don't think these girls are looking for sorrow.
Prayer.
Encouragement.
Strength.
Community.
That's what these girls are looking for.
That's what these girls need.
And I know I can't save the world. I'm not a superhero. But my heart went out to these girls and it's like I want to do everything possible to make things good for them. I think they're in a beautiful place to be during these difficult points in their lives (meaning to be here at Central Christian College of the Bible). I know these daunting situations are not meant by God to bring grief, but growth. But when you add in work schedules, six or so classes, mandatory service hours, relationships (whether that means friends, significant others, or both), and whatever else... the stress level increases pretty rapidly. And that's not good.
I just pray that God will place His healing hand over all of these people and that His spirit of peace and comfort will wash over them. I simply hope they just give everything to Him and completely put their trust in Him. God has a plan for all. And He is good. All the time.
'Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'
[Psalm 34:8]
......
Chapter 176, Part Two:
This week's memory verse:
'Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB]
August 20, 2008
Ch. 168 - Vulnerability
God is personal to us.
So it's really difficult to be vulnerable with other people when it comes to God. But pushing ourselves to be just that is what makes us grow.
I was taking an assessment questionnaire today during our World Views session. One of the questions asked something along the lines of how many hours I spend each week talking to others about God and my faith. As much as I wanted to shade the rectangle in the 5-10 hours per week, I wasn't going to lie. So I went with the truth and shaded in the rectangle in the 0-2 hours per week. I actually felt ashamed of myself as I slowly moved my pencil back and forth in thin lines to fill in the small box. It's the truth, though. I haven't had a good, sit-down, heart-to-heart kind of talk with anyone and just talked about God in a long, long time. I suppose I'm in a pretty good place to change that!
But even if 5-10 hours (or more!) were the truth, that in itself would be a challenge for me, because it truly is difficult for me to talk about my faith openly with fellow believers. Eight months into the year and I am still no closer to actually working on my new year's resolution. I said the same thing at two and a half months into the year (see Ch. 62) and thought about it a few times here and there since then... so I'm obviously pretty conscious that I'm not doing anything about it.
I have to get over the fact that being vulnerable with people is not going to kill me. God is always with me. He is my Light and my Guide. I can't retreat into the dark just because it's not always easy to talk about the Light.
'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.'
[Philippians 4:13]
Putting the memory verses to use!
So it's really difficult to be vulnerable with other people when it comes to God. But pushing ourselves to be just that is what makes us grow.
I was taking an assessment questionnaire today during our World Views session. One of the questions asked something along the lines of how many hours I spend each week talking to others about God and my faith. As much as I wanted to shade the rectangle in the 5-10 hours per week, I wasn't going to lie. So I went with the truth and shaded in the rectangle in the 0-2 hours per week. I actually felt ashamed of myself as I slowly moved my pencil back and forth in thin lines to fill in the small box. It's the truth, though. I haven't had a good, sit-down, heart-to-heart kind of talk with anyone and just talked about God in a long, long time. I suppose I'm in a pretty good place to change that!
But even if 5-10 hours (or more!) were the truth, that in itself would be a challenge for me, because it truly is difficult for me to talk about my faith openly with fellow believers. Eight months into the year and I am still no closer to actually working on my new year's resolution. I said the same thing at two and a half months into the year (see Ch. 62) and thought about it a few times here and there since then... so I'm obviously pretty conscious that I'm not doing anything about it.
I have to get over the fact that being vulnerable with people is not going to kill me. God is always with me. He is my Light and my Guide. I can't retreat into the dark just because it's not always easy to talk about the Light.
'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.'
[Philippians 4:13]
Putting the memory verses to use!
August 15, 2008
Ch. 163 - Ready for the Dive
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6; emphasis my own]
Oh, how so many people love these verses... I certainly do. There is such comfort in them. Truth, as well. And that is what we so greatly desire, I believe.
August 10, 2008
Ch. 158 - The Boldness of Peter
Sometimes trial and error is the only way of finding the best way to prepare or practice for something. This may include the best way of following God or answering a call.
Remember the boldness of Peter as he stepped out of the boat to go to Jesus.
Have faith.
Stand strong in any storm that may surround you.
We need God - but He needs us, too.
Don't miss the divine invitation to follow Jesus and serve God.
'During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
[Matthew 14:25-31]
Remember the boldness of Peter as he stepped out of the boat to go to Jesus.
Have faith.
Stand strong in any storm that may surround you.
We need God - but He needs us, too.
Don't miss the divine invitation to follow Jesus and serve God.
'During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
[Matthew 14:25-31]
August 5, 2008
Ch. 153 - One Step at a Time
Sometimes you need a bit of encouragement from someone you don't technically know that well - but sincerely love - in order to take that next step forward... or realize that the step you're already taking isn't quite as scary as you think it is.
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
God has ordered each step you take and He is with you on each and every one of those steps. That is such a comforting thought, is it not? I mean, even though I know that He has a plan for me, sometimes I don't think about all the steps and points of that plan. I spend so much time worrying about the future and trying to plan it out for myself that I don't take the time to think about the here and now - or hand the reins over to God and put my absolute trust in Him day after day after day. I can't just surrender myself to God every now and then and expect something to great to happen. I need to give my whole being to him without even thinking about doing so. If I want to be the ears, hands and feet of Christ I have to first give Him my heart.
This is what I learned today as God spoke to me through a woman whom He is doing some amazing things. I was at such a loss for words today as I was overcome with feelings of relief, gratitude and hope.
I still am.
A simple 'thank you' was all I could muster. Please accept a thousand thanks, Aunt Barbara. You touched me in more than one way today and I will truly treasure that short amount of time we had together for many years to come.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.'
[Romans 12:1-2]
August 1, 2008
Ch. 149 - Getting Over 'It'
Time to be tough.
Suck it up.
Get over it.
It's not a big deal.
I keep saying these things to myself, in regards to not being in Salt Lake. I'm homesick for Utah. How crazy is that? I was there for ten months and I miss it like no other. I said it in my other blog, too, but I'm not too proud to say it again and again and again. Because never before had I experienced LIFE the way I did when I lived in SLC.
And you know, sometimes you just have to say what you're thinking.
I miss walking around campus. I miss reading on the city library's roof. I miss riding TRAX. I miss leaving notes on the boys' apartment door. I miss walking the Red Butte trails. I miss seeing snow on the mountains surrounding the valley. I miss crossing the Legacy Bridge on winter mornings on the way to weightlifting. I miss sipping piping hot Americano in CoffeeBreak.
But most of all, I miss the people I met.
I miss listening to Darcy's hilarious stories.
I miss God-talks with Matt.
I miss Shawn's dancing and prancing around.
I miss hearing Spencer make fun of Brittany.
I miss hearing Tiffany make fun of Spencer.
I miss Zach's quiet nonchalance.
I miss Katie's humorous quips.
I miss learning about Ross' reckless ideas.
I miss Kastin's amazing hugs.
I miss random talks with Landon about nothing and everything.
I miss Ricky's quiet enthusiasm.
I miss Jackie's passionate outbursts.
I miss listening to Ben leading praise at Ute-Nited.
I miss Katie C's contagious laughter.
I miss thinking and thinking and thinking about David's questions.
I miss experiencing Jess' excitement about small group.
I could go on forever with these 'I miss' statements - especially about specific people - but I'm not going to waste my time grieving over the fact that I'm not in Salt Lake City at this point in time and that there are people, places and things that I miss.
My dad has kept on asking me if I'm sure I want to go to school in Missouri, or if I want to go back to Utah. Of course I want to go back to Utah! Now that I've been and know what it's like out there and have developed relationships with some incredibly special people, I think if I don't go back eventually that I will go crazy. Whether I go for a long weekend visit once in awhile... for summer work... for two years of school at Salt Lake Theological Seminary... for inner-city mission work for the rest of my life... I will go back. But for now, I know that I need to be elsewhere. It killed me to realize that and let God take over, but at the same time it's giving me life. And that's where I find rest. Knowing that it's God's will and that His plan for me is the best plan for me.
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
Hm. How many times have I used these verses so far? Three?
I think I'm starting to see a theme here.
Suck it up.
Get over it.
It's not a big deal.
I keep saying these things to myself, in regards to not being in Salt Lake. I'm homesick for Utah. How crazy is that? I was there for ten months and I miss it like no other. I said it in my other blog, too, but I'm not too proud to say it again and again and again. Because never before had I experienced LIFE the way I did when I lived in SLC.
And you know, sometimes you just have to say what you're thinking.
I miss walking around campus. I miss reading on the city library's roof. I miss riding TRAX. I miss leaving notes on the boys' apartment door. I miss walking the Red Butte trails. I miss seeing snow on the mountains surrounding the valley. I miss crossing the Legacy Bridge on winter mornings on the way to weightlifting. I miss sipping piping hot Americano in CoffeeBreak.
But most of all, I miss the people I met.
I miss listening to Darcy's hilarious stories.
I miss God-talks with Matt.
I miss Shawn's dancing and prancing around.
I miss hearing Spencer make fun of Brittany.
I miss hearing Tiffany make fun of Spencer.
I miss Zach's quiet nonchalance.
I miss Katie's humorous quips.
I miss learning about Ross' reckless ideas.
I miss Kastin's amazing hugs.
I miss random talks with Landon about nothing and everything.
I miss Ricky's quiet enthusiasm.
I miss Jackie's passionate outbursts.
I miss listening to Ben leading praise at Ute-Nited.
I miss Katie C's contagious laughter.
I miss thinking and thinking and thinking about David's questions.
I miss experiencing Jess' excitement about small group.
I could go on forever with these 'I miss' statements - especially about specific people - but I'm not going to waste my time grieving over the fact that I'm not in Salt Lake City at this point in time and that there are people, places and things that I miss.
My dad has kept on asking me if I'm sure I want to go to school in Missouri, or if I want to go back to Utah. Of course I want to go back to Utah! Now that I've been and know what it's like out there and have developed relationships with some incredibly special people, I think if I don't go back eventually that I will go crazy. Whether I go for a long weekend visit once in awhile... for summer work... for two years of school at Salt Lake Theological Seminary... for inner-city mission work for the rest of my life... I will go back. But for now, I know that I need to be elsewhere. It killed me to realize that and let God take over, but at the same time it's giving me life. And that's where I find rest. Knowing that it's God's will and that His plan for me is the best plan for me.
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
Hm. How many times have I used these verses so far? Three?
I think I'm starting to see a theme here.
May 30, 2008
Ch. 86 - Weighted Down
I want to transfer.
Again.
To the same school I wanted to transfer to a few months ago, Central Christian College of the Bible (which is in Moberly, Missouri).
I don't know what's wrong with me! Even when I took that... ummm, hiatus... I kept thinking about it. I was so sure that I wanted to stay here. And my parents are going to kill me, I'm pretty sure. But I don't think I'd mind, because then I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore and there would be no more making billions of decisions (see my 'Side Notes' blog...). Plus I'd get to be with Jesus. Always a good thing.
If I was so sure that I'm supposed to be here, why does this come up again? Why do I feel so torn? I don't usually like to even joke around with saying things like, "Why does God torture me like this?!" but I'm at that point, currently, and I think I can afford to be pessimistic once in a while.
I don't think this is for me, after all. I don't want to work for the government. Neither do I want to teach English or Arabic. Or work in hospitals or other private sector areas. I want to know the Bible inside and out. I want to know everything there is to know about God and His qualities, Jesus, His life, His disciples, His teachings. I want to learn theology, Christian principles and history. I could try to teach myself as much as I could, but I know myself better than that. I need structure. I need discipline. Why not go to school to learn what I want to learn, have that structure and discipline, truly, truly, truly love what I'm doing and get a degree out of it? I want to focus all of my attention on this. It's like I need to or else I'll go crazy.
I need to answer this call.
I kept saying "I'm staying, I'm home."
I kept saying "I'm at peace with my decision."
But was I really?
I think that by saying I was I was trying to get myself to think that I was.
If I don't go now, I may regret not doing so in the future.
So I'm going to say it again.
I need to answer this call.
I want to fully serve God.
I want to share His Word.
I want to share His Love.
I want to help people.
I want to share my faith.
I want to build up His Kingdom.
I want to go on missions.
Biblical Studies and Cross-Cultural Ministry at CCCB.
It's perfect.
I've used this Bible verse before, but I will never hesitate to use it again:
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
(Context, schmontext.)
Again.
To the same school I wanted to transfer to a few months ago, Central Christian College of the Bible (which is in Moberly, Missouri).
I don't know what's wrong with me! Even when I took that... ummm, hiatus... I kept thinking about it. I was so sure that I wanted to stay here. And my parents are going to kill me, I'm pretty sure. But I don't think I'd mind, because then I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore and there would be no more making billions of decisions (see my 'Side Notes' blog...). Plus I'd get to be with Jesus. Always a good thing.
If I was so sure that I'm supposed to be here, why does this come up again? Why do I feel so torn? I don't usually like to even joke around with saying things like, "Why does God torture me like this?!" but I'm at that point, currently, and I think I can afford to be pessimistic once in a while.
I don't think this is for me, after all. I don't want to work for the government. Neither do I want to teach English or Arabic. Or work in hospitals or other private sector areas. I want to know the Bible inside and out. I want to know everything there is to know about God and His qualities, Jesus, His life, His disciples, His teachings. I want to learn theology, Christian principles and history. I could try to teach myself as much as I could, but I know myself better than that. I need structure. I need discipline. Why not go to school to learn what I want to learn, have that structure and discipline, truly, truly, truly love what I'm doing and get a degree out of it? I want to focus all of my attention on this. It's like I need to or else I'll go crazy.
I need to answer this call.
I kept saying "I'm staying, I'm home."
I kept saying "I'm at peace with my decision."
But was I really?
I think that by saying I was I was trying to get myself to think that I was.
If I don't go now, I may regret not doing so in the future.
So I'm going to say it again.
I need to answer this call.
I want to fully serve God.
I want to share His Word.
I want to share His Love.
I want to help people.
I want to share my faith.
I want to build up His Kingdom.
I want to go on missions.
Biblical Studies and Cross-Cultural Ministry at CCCB.
It's perfect.
I've used this Bible verse before, but I will never hesitate to use it again:
' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." '
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]
(Context, schmontext.)
March 25, 2008
Ch. 70 - The Confession
I am broken.
My heart's still beating.
But it hurts.
'But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'
[Jeremiah 17:7-8]
My heart's still beating.
But it hurts.
'But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'
[Jeremiah 17:7-8]
March 13, 2008
Ch. 57 - Trust God
I am so lonely.
That stupid tree thing is right.
I've felt like this for probably two weeks, too. It's not just me saying, "Hm. I thought I was kind of lonely - and since this says that I often am, I guess it's true." And it's not like I'm never around people or never do anything. I just feel alone. That's it.
I'm tired, too.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feeling letdown.
Tired of feeling disliked.
Tired of being lectured.
Tired of feeling stupid.
I don't want to be in Utah.
I don't want to go on summer project.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't want to hang out with anyone.
I want to leave.
Travel the world.
I want to volunteer.
Work with my hands.
I want to speak عربي.
Learn from native speakers.
I want to disappear.
Not forever. Just for a bit.
Not to "find myself" - I'm not that cliché - but to do what I want.
My heart says, "Go."
I've had numerous conversations with people in regards to how what you feel you want, what your heart tells you, is God.
Is this so irrational?
I know you should honor God with your actions. Worship through living your life for Him without being afraid to give Him everything. Who says this couldn't be the greatest act of worship I could ever give Him? Disciples dropped everything for Jesus. Everything. They left their families. Their jobs. Their possessions. And for what reason? To follow Him. To learn. To love. To be loved. This is what I want and I feel, in turn, what He wants as well.
'... "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
That stupid tree thing is right.
I've felt like this for probably two weeks, too. It's not just me saying, "Hm. I thought I was kind of lonely - and since this says that I often am, I guess it's true." And it's not like I'm never around people or never do anything. I just feel alone. That's it.
I'm tired, too.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feeling letdown.
Tired of feeling disliked.
Tired of being lectured.
Tired of feeling stupid.
I don't want to be in Utah.
I don't want to go on summer project.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't want to hang out with anyone.
I want to leave.
Travel the world.
I want to volunteer.
Work with my hands.
I want to speak عربي.
Learn from native speakers.
I want to disappear.
Not forever. Just for a bit.
Not to "find myself" - I'm not that cliché - but to do what I want.
My heart says, "Go."
I've had numerous conversations with people in regards to how what you feel you want, what your heart tells you, is God.
Is this so irrational?
I know you should honor God with your actions. Worship through living your life for Him without being afraid to give Him everything. Who says this couldn't be the greatest act of worship I could ever give Him? Disciples dropped everything for Jesus. Everything. They left their families. Their jobs. Their possessions. And for what reason? To follow Him. To learn. To love. To be loved. This is what I want and I feel, in turn, what He wants as well.
'... "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
March 7, 2008
Ch. 52 - Restless
I can't sleep.
As has been the case for the past three weeks or so.
I have basically become nocturnal. I sleep during the day when I don't have class, and do all my work throughout the night and early morning. I mean, I do try to sleep at night... it just doesn't happen! I may sleep for an hour or so, but then I'll wake up and won't be able to fall asleep. It's not like I don't do anything during the day to make me tired. I'm going, going, going nowadays what with swimming and such. And now that the daylight hours are increasing and the temperatures are rising, I'm out walking or running more - which I've been looking forward to doing for a very long time now.
I think part of it all is that my mind is constantly stimulated; I have so many thoughts running through my head all the time. I don't mind, really, but at times it can be tiring. I really want to get back to normal sleeping patterns. Hopefully I can really focus on doing so next week during spring break.
...
Nothing has changed since the last chapter.
You know, I couldn't even pray today. I tried and I just sort of went afkdjsalrfoeawjfkdasl. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I could barely even speak. Thus I wrote my prayers instead. Doing so helped a bit, but I still wasn't really there, if you know what I mean.
Discouraging.
But God will lift me up when the time is right.
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
[Philippians 4:6]
As has been the case for the past three weeks or so.
I have basically become nocturnal. I sleep during the day when I don't have class, and do all my work throughout the night and early morning. I mean, I do try to sleep at night... it just doesn't happen! I may sleep for an hour or so, but then I'll wake up and won't be able to fall asleep. It's not like I don't do anything during the day to make me tired. I'm going, going, going nowadays what with swimming and such. And now that the daylight hours are increasing and the temperatures are rising, I'm out walking or running more - which I've been looking forward to doing for a very long time now.
I think part of it all is that my mind is constantly stimulated; I have so many thoughts running through my head all the time. I don't mind, really, but at times it can be tiring. I really want to get back to normal sleeping patterns. Hopefully I can really focus on doing so next week during spring break.
...
Nothing has changed since the last chapter.
You know, I couldn't even pray today. I tried and I just sort of went afkdjsalrfoeawjfkdasl. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I could barely even speak. Thus I wrote my prayers instead. Doing so helped a bit, but I still wasn't really there, if you know what I mean.
Discouraging.
But God will lift me up when the time is right.
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
[Philippians 4:6]
March 2, 2008
Ch. 46 - Move, Mountain!
I've decided to use a devotional as a cop-out, if you will, for today's 'chapter.' I received this in my mail today and it was really a blessing. It definitely spoke to me... I know that God wants me to overcome this obstacle. Not just step around it, dig under it, or backtrack to find another way to advance in my walk - but to completely soar over the hurdle that's right in front of me. I will ask for God's strength to do so, but I realize that this one's up to me. I can't be afraid anymore. I'm going to have to throw the first punch again - but this time I'm not holding back, because I finally don't care that my mountain will definitely hit me in return.
Speak to Your Mountain
' "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." '
[Mark 11:23]
"Talk to mountains? Do you think I'm crazy?" Jesus talked to things, and taught that 'anyone' could also speak to mountains. A mountain is primarily any obstacle that stands in your way. Faced with obstacles, most Christians pray to God. But Jesus told us to speak directly to the obstacle and tell it to be removed.
There is nothing wrong with discussing things with God. You should. But when something is blocking your progress, Jesus said you should tell it to get out of the way. Most Christians just speak to God about the mountain, instead of following Jesus' directions and speaking directly to the mountain.
Are you just talking to God about the problems in your life, instead of talking directly to the problems and telling them to be removed?
'He replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ' [Matthew 17:20]
According to Jesus, unbelief keeps us from speaking to our mountains. What is the mountain in your life? What stands in the way of your progress? What holds you back from going forward and fulfilling God's plan?
Speak God's Word to that mountain! Speak to the devil and his forces and tell them to get out of your affairs. Speak to sickness and tell it that it can't stay in your body. Speak to debt and financial lack and tell them to be removed from your life. Speak to doubt, fear and worry and tell them to be gone.
If you say, "I just can't believe it would do any good for me to talk to problems," that's why you still have them.
Read what Jesus said again, and again, then say this: "I will speak to the mountains that try to hold me back."
Speak to Your Mountain
' "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." '
[Mark 11:23]
"Talk to mountains? Do you think I'm crazy?" Jesus talked to things, and taught that 'anyone' could also speak to mountains. A mountain is primarily any obstacle that stands in your way. Faced with obstacles, most Christians pray to God. But Jesus told us to speak directly to the obstacle and tell it to be removed.
There is nothing wrong with discussing things with God. You should. But when something is blocking your progress, Jesus said you should tell it to get out of the way. Most Christians just speak to God about the mountain, instead of following Jesus' directions and speaking directly to the mountain.
Are you just talking to God about the problems in your life, instead of talking directly to the problems and telling them to be removed?
'He replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ' [Matthew 17:20]
According to Jesus, unbelief keeps us from speaking to our mountains. What is the mountain in your life? What stands in the way of your progress? What holds you back from going forward and fulfilling God's plan?
Speak God's Word to that mountain! Speak to the devil and his forces and tell them to get out of your affairs. Speak to sickness and tell it that it can't stay in your body. Speak to debt and financial lack and tell them to be removed from your life. Speak to doubt, fear and worry and tell them to be gone.
If you say, "I just can't believe it would do any good for me to talk to problems," that's why you still have them.
Read what Jesus said again, and again, then say this: "I will speak to the mountains that try to hold me back."
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