I've written before about not realizing something is true until after I've said it. This happened again this past Tuesday, but I was realizing things were true as I was saying them, not after. I had gone to the diversity dialogues; the topic was spirituality and religious beliefs so I figured it'd be really interesting, which it was.
I love listening to people speak about their beliefs, views and opinions; I find so many people's thoughts to be fascinating.
After the dialogue I headed up to Ute-Nited with Katie and Chongkai. It was 'over' but it was at the point where people were still hanging around. No real 'talk' or 'debate' had started yet, but I knew that would come soon. Sure enough, it picks up and we're talking about communion. Really meaningful. I'm not going to get into that, though.
Story time.
Things wrap up and people are chatting a bit. I'm with Kastin and Carly. Laughing. Having a good time. I go to throw my water bottle away and he bounds over chairs, yelling my name. I tell him I'm not leaving, but to him that doesn't matter. Time for a hug. We chat a bit. He starts asking questions [I haven't been around lately.]. That's when small talk turns into an unforeseen avowal.
That's when I realized how many things were bothering me, even though I hadn't acknowledged or even recognized them before. I don't often let people know how I'm feeling. I tend to bottle things up inside and even when I reach the boiling point I spill over onto paper or a running trail.
When I begin to let him in on everything that's been going on, it's like we're both finding out for the first time. I cry. I've said it before, I'm going to say it again: I cry rarely.
For some twisted reason, it's like a source of pride for me.
Why?
I haven't the faintest idea. I mean, it's not like I have some 'tough-girl' image to maintain.
So when those tears fell, imagine my surprise. One thing after another came out of my mouth, without giving thought to what I was saying. No hesitation. But it was difficult. That... chat... was by no means enjoyable. Until the end - which was uplifting. Thank God for simple words.
"Jesus has your back."
The entire ordeal was like a psalm. Starting a few weeks ago, technically, and ending today: there's the complaining... crying out to God... a supplication, perhaps... and then the turn-around point, laying it all at the foot of the cross... praising God... giving thanks.
It's time to give up again. I can't hold on to everything to try and figure it out. Sometimes that simply doesn't work.
God likes to get his point across in a lot of different ways, that's for sure.
'And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask.'
[Ruth 3:11]
This is Boaz speaking to Ruth after she asks that he cover her with his garment because he is a kinsman-redeemer. He tells her that he will do so because she is a virtuous woman and even the townsmen know she is a woman of noble character. But as I was reading today, I really felt God was speaking to me through this verse. '... my daughter...' Beautiful.
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