Ch. 759 - Truths upon Truths

Oh, to be known by my Lord God... this is my delight.
Oh, to be loved by my Lord God... this is my joy.

And I am His delight. I am His joy.

I am not worthless.
I am of great value in His sight.

He has a plan for me.
A beautiful plan.
A challenging plan.
A plan that has been created to benefit His kingdom.

Redeemed.
Restored.
Refreshed.

I am so thankful that I was made for loving Him.


'For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.'
[1 Peter 1:18-19]

Ch. 670 - Saved. Sanctified.

For a little over five weeks now I have worn a red bracelet on my left wrist. It is simply a length of red embroidery floss that I wound around my wrist four or five times before tying a knot. The day after I was baptized I had done the same thing, but the color of the floss was green. It symbolized the "new life" I had been baptized into. The red symbolizes the blood of Jesus with which I have been sanctified. The green bracelet fell off after one week. Right after it did, I tied on the red floss. It has not come off my wrist since I tied it on. I like this. Even though I am in this new life, in regards to my time on earth, this life is finite. It won't last. I couldn't have told you whether my life was going to end with the falling off of that first bracelet. But I can, indeed, tell you that our time on earth is short. Yet because of what Jesus did, I have life eternal.

I mean, we have been sanctified by Jesus’ blood. He came as a Sacrifice for our sins, a spotless Lamb, to save man. Yet MAN, after arresting and questioning Him, “decided” to put Him to death. When Jesus was being tried, Pilate, a man of authority, claimed Jesus a righteous Man. Pilate said to the Jews he was innocent of His blood; the people boldly accepted the responsibility for His blood. They were reckless in doing so, because they did not, I’m assuming, consider the consequences that would wait for them if He truly was the Son of God – which He is. The irony of the situation astounds me. Denial of the Truth leads to sin and separation from God. Yet we have the opportunity to be made clean with His blood that He shed for us. What a gift. Eternity awaits us.


'But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor. "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify him!" "Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" '
[Matthew 27:20-25]

Ch. 247 - A Nightmare of a Question

For the past six months I have been haunted by a question that always ends up floating to the front of my mind at least once before the end of the day. There are maybe three or four people who know what this question pertains to - and that's actually far too many, in my opinion. Thus, please forgive me for not posing said question at this point in time.

I was talking with a friend about it tonight. I was surprised to learn that the subject matter is something he struggles with, too. I found it interesting that in the sense of Christian conventionalism, we both have a very similar view regarding salvation.

I think God puts people such as my friend in our lives to let us know that we are not, in fact, alone in our trials and tribulations. It's nice to have a physical being to turn to... to get that immediate feedback when we need someone to listen and want that audible input.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know we can always talk to God and put our absolute trust in Him. We need to rely on Him. But it really is great to have that support in friends and family while we are here on earth.

I thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me, especially within the last year. It has been a year and one month since God has truly turned my life upside-down and started to change my heart. I have so much to be grateful for. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Everything is connected. I wouldn't be here at Central Christian College of the Bible if it weren't for what happened last year out in Utah... but I also wouldn't be bothered daily by this daunting question if it weren't for what happened last year out in Utah... However, I keep my faith in God and try my best not to worry, because I am able to find strength and joy in Him and thus persevere daily. And I worship Him with my life because of what He and His Son have done for me.


'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name.'
[Hebrews 13:15]

Ch. 235 - No Other Name

' "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." '
[Acts 4:12]

It is through Jesus alone that we are saved.

Ch. 208 - With the Spirit

I read Galatians during breakfast this morning. I really like the book of Galatians, especially chapters three, five and six. In fact, for my exegesis in Foundations of Christianity I went with the Galatians 6:7-10 option. Anyway, something I read really stuck out to me.

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.'
[Galatians 5:22-26]

'Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.'
[v. 25]

This was what stuck out to me the most.

I am saved. The Holy Spirit lives in my heart. But I seem to forget that a lot. Am I truly living a Spirit-filled life? A life that is pleasing to God? Paul goes on to list the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Are these fruits the main portions of my diet? I'd like to think they are... but I know that they are not.

If I want to go out and teach others others in this world to live by and with the Spirit, I have to be doing so first. And if I want others to completely be partaking in the fruits of the Spirit, again - I have to be doing so first. I can't expect to be and see a positive change for God's kingdom in this world if I'm not even fully living for and with Him. Trust me when I say that was really difficult to realize and say, but it's certainly the truth and it's about time that I do something about it. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust in the Spirit before I can truly walk with Him.


'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.'
[Galatians 3:26-27]

Ch. 152 - Why I Believe

I was asked a question a few months ago by a friend. A question there is no technical answer to. The answer can be whatever you want it to be, simply according to you and your thoughts, beliefs and ideas. I've been thinking about this question almost daily and have discussed it with a couple handfuls of people thus far. What I've decided is that my answer is simple and true to me. It might not be entirely adequate or easily argued against, but it's mine and I like it.

The question is this:

Why do you believe in Jesus?

My answer is this:

I have no reason not to believe in Jesus.
I believe in Jesus because I choose to.


' ..."Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..." '
[Acts 16:31]

Ch. 150 - Full Speed Ahead

'Into marvelous light I'm running,
out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross You are the truth,
You are the life, You are the way.

My dead heart now is beating,
my deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs,
now I'm free, now I'm free.

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that I have found.
Oh the marvelous light,
the marvelous light.'
[Marvelous Light]

This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite songs ever. It really speaks to me and I am able to connect to it because I believe a lot of it perfectly describes how I've come to know Christ and what has happened in my life since I've truly accepted Him into my heart.

A couple weeks ago I had written a post about receiving something I had been waiting for [see Chs. 136 and 137]. That 'something' was forgiveness. I know, I know: 'How can you be waiting for forgiveness? God forgives everything once you ask for it and expect that it will be given to you.' I don't know how to describe my thought process behind it, though. Just trust me when I say that I know when God has truly forgiven me for something. It's one of those 'things', you know? A feeling. A thought. A sense of humility like no other.

Anyway, while I was waiting for said forgiveness, I couldn't help but notice that I didn't feel quite right. I didn't feel alive in Christ... a terrible feeling. So the verse I have posted above ('my dead heart now is beating...') really represents that struggle I felt in my heart to connect with God and focus on Him while waiting for His forgiveness - and then the turnaround with His breath filling up my lungs, setting me free in His love, mercy and grace. I don't think the verse can only be about accepting Christ into your heart and being free in Him, which is a great thing. It is able to speak to all people and meet them where they are in life and in their walks with God. Beautiful.

I also appreciate the first part of the song that I posted ('by the cross you are the truth...').

' "Jesus answered, "I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." '
[John 14:6]

I have been on the other side of the fence and thus can tell you, with firsthand experience, that it couldn't be more true. If you think there's any way around it, you are wrong. That's a pretty opinionated and bold statement, but I agree with what Jesus said so strongly that there's no way I'd say or believe otherwise.

So yes, I am running into marvelous light... and I'm not slowing down anytime soon.


' "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." '
[Matthew 7:13-14]

Ch. 147 - Jesus Has Your Back

This was today's devotional. It was really encouraging for me and I wanted to share it.

Jesus Prays for You

' "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message..." '
[John 17:20]

During the Last Supper, Jesus prayed for himself and then he prayed for the disciples. And then, with the hour of his death approaching, he took time to pray for you. He prayed for all those who would believe through the ministry of the disciples, and that means you.

This is what he told God:

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world."
[John 17:20-24]

Jesus prays for you still.
"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them."
[Hebrews 7:25]

Jesus wants you with him.
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory..."
[John 17:24]

Ch. 17 - The Truth

I am humble.
I am not prideful.
I am meek.
I am not arrogant.

I am a liar.

If I honestly believed the first four statements to be true of myself, then I would, indeed, be lying to myself.

That's not good.

Today I asked Darcy if I was being selfish in deciding to do something. She didn't think it was. She went on to say that she believes she is selfish. I was surprised to hear her say that. I said I couldn't think of a single incident where she's been selfish. I asked her to give me one reason as to why she believes she's selfish. She said, "I can't think of any right now... but I will!" I just laughed at her (more like with her) and called her weird. Standard procedure. But I went away realizing all the more that Darcy Posselli, the Italian-Greek, is a very selfless young woman.

Situation.

You're sitting in church on a warm, summer morning. You listen to the organist playing the introduction hymn for the first few bars, but then lean to the side, nudging your mom to point out the numerous typos in the service bulletin and whisper in her ear your opinion of Katie Bott's little sister's 'hooker shoes.' The hymn ends and you rise with the congregation to partake in the opening prayer and hymn. Oh, there's a baptism this morning - look how cute the baby is, oh my gosh! Soon thereafter Scripture is read and the pastor starts his sermon. You take an offertory envelope and pew pencil to doodle and write barely legible, random sentences here and there. You look up every so often to give the illusion that you are actually paying attention. You even nod your head a bit, even though you have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Smile and nod, smile and nod. That's your gig and boy are you talented. Remember that baby that was baptized? How he was so cute? Yeah, well, that was before he started to bawl his head off. How annoying. Doesn't the mother know that she should take him out of the sanctuary? Oh well, what are you going to do? You go back to doodling, grow bored, and start looking through the hymnal for Christmas songs to sing in your head. Suddenly you hear the pastor ask in a booming voice, "So - I want you to think about salvation today. Really think about it first, though. Then decide if you get to ask yourself that question. That beautiful question. Pray with me." You think, 'Wait... huh? What question? What the heck is he talking about?' If only you had been paying attention, right?

Curious as to what the question is? Here it is:

Am I saved?

It truly is a beautiful question. Why? Because if you find yourself asking that question, you are.

If you ever worry about something as free as salvation, know that you shouldn't.

I was so worried last semester that I had committed the unforgivable sin. I asked someone I trust and respect immensely about it and she told me that because I asked not only myself, but God about it, I should automatically know that I hadn't. Simple as that.

Sound too good to be true?

Certainly. But so does everlasting life.

That's why I wrote those four statements. I'm not asking myself, "Am I humble?" because I know I'm not. I know it's something I have to work on. I know I'm prideful. I know I'm not meek. I know I'm arrogant. But because I realize these things, I am able to ask God for help and rest assured that with His help I will overcome these weaknesses.


'How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, "I will ascent to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." But you are brought down to the Sheol, to the depths of the pit.'
[Isaiah 14:12-15]

Preface

Alright, this is how it's going to be. My life, my way. No rules. I'm going to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and there's nothing in the universe that can get in my way. Lookout world, here I come!

... These were among my thoughts when I headed to Utah last August. Man oh man, was I glad to be getting out of Iowa. I wasn't leaving home, I was leaving a house, a handful of family members who happened to also be living in Iowa with me, and corn. Lots and lots of corn. Friends? Well, to be honest, I had been growing farther and farther away from them as last summer progressed, and I wasn't exactly in tears over leaving any of them. I say I wasn't leaving home because I never felt like Iowa was my home. I had moved from Alabama when I was ten and to be frank, never wanted to give Iowa a chance. Long story short, I actually did give it a chance, but felt like it didn't give me one in return. I felt restricted in Cedar Rapids, like I couldn't spread my wings. I also felt like I had come to be someone other than my true self.

Here in Utah, it's an entirely different story. I'm home. Granted, I have no family to turn to (physically, at least) and I'm living in a dorm, but that doesn't matter. My friends are my family and my home is Salt Lake, not a house in the woods on Indian Road. Sure, I miss exploring the woods and running the trails of Bever, using our woodchuck-infested barn as a 'secret passage' while playing capture the flag and kick the can at night, and playing 'crack the egg' on our feet-blackening trampoline with my 'big' little brother (who could be an amazing Olympic trampolinist or a fantastic diver if he really wanted to). But I'm ready to explore the Valley and run the mountainous trails, use south campus as my playground and find new 'secret passages,' and play 'promiscuous ninja' games with Darcy and Co.

But you know, what I really wanted to say is this: my thoughts from the beginning of the school year have changed. Remember how I thought nothing in the universe could get in my way of living life how I wanted to live it? I was wrong. Yeah, in case you didn't know, there's this... "Guy"... named God. He's kind of important. He will stop you in your tracks and turn you around a beautiful 180˚. Then, He will make you realize you can't live life your way, by your rules. You see, our God is a selfish God. He wants things done His way... by His rules. But our God is a loving and merciful God as well. He loves us more than our parents do, more than our friends do, and definitely more than we love ourselves. Our God is a generous God. He provides for all of our needs. He gives us gifts through the Holy Spirit, that, when used, glorify Him and help bring the Church together. He gives us answers to our prayers. And, as mentioned afore, He gives us Love. He pours out so much love onto us that we are to return it not only to Him, but to our neighbors as well. These are the two greatest commandments, and even if I could change them to be anything else, I wouldn't.

God is putting a new song in my heart and for this I am more grateful than I am for life itself. I had 'found' God again and things were going really well - or so I thought. I realize now that I was living a lie. I needed Him more than anything, but had pushed Him so far away... yet at the time I thought I had never been closer to Him. I thought everything was fine. It took a difficult confrontation and brutal honesty to wake me up from the daydream I was living in. I think you can be saved in a number of ways. Obviously, saved by Christ's blood is one of them. Another, saved literally - perhaps from a treacherous storm at sea, or from a burning house. You can be saved from an abusive situation. And you can be saved from yourself. I believe I was, indeed, saved from myself by two of my friends.

Since then, my relationship with God has been truly, entirely and beautifully real. I'm growing and learning. I've learned truths about myself. I've had prayers answered. I'm coming to believe that I know what God has in store for me and what He wants of me - for Him and others, perhaps around the world. I owe Him everything. He gave His only Son for us... who in turn gave His life for me. Me. A sinner. A girl who just the other day finally understood what John the Baptist was saying when he said, '... But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.' [Luke 3:16] Strange, right? I mean, it's a nice, simple verse - and its meaning is pretty straightforward. It was just one of those things... it... clicked. It sent a shiver up my spine. It's more meaningful to me than before.

A new start, that's what I've been given. A new start that is fresh and beautiful and good. This is my story.


'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.'
[Ezekiel 36:26]