Preface

Alright, this is how it's going to be. My life, my way. No rules. I'm going to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and there's nothing in the universe that can get in my way. Lookout world, here I come!

... These were among my thoughts when I headed to Utah last August. Man oh man, was I glad to be getting out of Iowa. I wasn't leaving home, I was leaving a house, a handful of family members who happened to also be living in Iowa with me, and corn. Lots and lots of corn. Friends? Well, to be honest, I had been growing farther and farther away from them as last summer progressed, and I wasn't exactly in tears over leaving any of them. I say I wasn't leaving home because I never felt like Iowa was my home. I had moved from Alabama when I was ten and to be frank, never wanted to give Iowa a chance. Long story short, I actually did give it a chance, but felt like it didn't give me one in return. I felt restricted in Cedar Rapids, like I couldn't spread my wings. I also felt like I had come to be someone other than my true self.

Here in Utah, it's an entirely different story. I'm home. Granted, I have no family to turn to (physically, at least) and I'm living in a dorm, but that doesn't matter. My friends are my family and my home is Salt Lake, not a house in the woods on Indian Road. Sure, I miss exploring the woods and running the trails of Bever, using our woodchuck-infested barn as a 'secret passage' while playing capture the flag and kick the can at night, and playing 'crack the egg' on our feet-blackening trampoline with my 'big' little brother (who could be an amazing Olympic trampolinist or a fantastic diver if he really wanted to). But I'm ready to explore the Valley and run the mountainous trails, use south campus as my playground and find new 'secret passages,' and play 'promiscuous ninja' games with Darcy and Co.

But you know, what I really wanted to say is this: my thoughts from the beginning of the school year have changed. Remember how I thought nothing in the universe could get in my way of living life how I wanted to live it? I was wrong. Yeah, in case you didn't know, there's this... "Guy"... named God. He's kind of important. He will stop you in your tracks and turn you around a beautiful 180˚. Then, He will make you realize you can't live life your way, by your rules. You see, our God is a selfish God. He wants things done His way... by His rules. But our God is a loving and merciful God as well. He loves us more than our parents do, more than our friends do, and definitely more than we love ourselves. Our God is a generous God. He provides for all of our needs. He gives us gifts through the Holy Spirit, that, when used, glorify Him and help bring the Church together. He gives us answers to our prayers. And, as mentioned afore, He gives us Love. He pours out so much love onto us that we are to return it not only to Him, but to our neighbors as well. These are the two greatest commandments, and even if I could change them to be anything else, I wouldn't.

God is putting a new song in my heart and for this I am more grateful than I am for life itself. I had 'found' God again and things were going really well - or so I thought. I realize now that I was living a lie. I needed Him more than anything, but had pushed Him so far away... yet at the time I thought I had never been closer to Him. I thought everything was fine. It took a difficult confrontation and brutal honesty to wake me up from the daydream I was living in. I think you can be saved in a number of ways. Obviously, saved by Christ's blood is one of them. Another, saved literally - perhaps from a treacherous storm at sea, or from a burning house. You can be saved from an abusive situation. And you can be saved from yourself. I believe I was, indeed, saved from myself by two of my friends.

Since then, my relationship with God has been truly, entirely and beautifully real. I'm growing and learning. I've learned truths about myself. I've had prayers answered. I'm coming to believe that I know what God has in store for me and what He wants of me - for Him and others, perhaps around the world. I owe Him everything. He gave His only Son for us... who in turn gave His life for me. Me. A sinner. A girl who just the other day finally understood what John the Baptist was saying when he said, '... But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.' [Luke 3:16] Strange, right? I mean, it's a nice, simple verse - and its meaning is pretty straightforward. It was just one of those things... it... clicked. It sent a shiver up my spine. It's more meaningful to me than before.

A new start, that's what I've been given. A new start that is fresh and beautiful and good. This is my story.


'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.'
[Ezekiel 36:26]