I am hungry for God. It's not that I haven't eaten anything for some time and that's why I'm hungry... it's like I'm never full. And I just want as much as possible. Not to simply hold me off for awhile, but to make me feel more than completely satiated. I don't know exactly what will give me that feeling of fullness. I don't know what I need - or what I even want. But I want something.
I want something more.
The thing is, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I don't want to start looking for something, find it, and then get so caught up in it that I actually find myself falling away from God [as opposed to growing closer to Him]. For example, this past spring I was looking for something more. I thought I had found it - found something that had all the answers and was just the thing for me. But I went about everything in a very unsafe way, which was completely dropping a lot that was actually very dear to me. People. God's word. Places, meetings. All for that sense of closeness. Satisfaction. Knowledge. Truth. However, I have since realized that in doing so, I actually gave up these things. And I ended up paying the price. I still am a little bit, in fact, but for the most part I have peace about it all. I am blessed to have a God who loves unconditionally, who saved my heart through the whole ordeal so that I could turn back to Him and still have life in His Son.
But I have certainly learned my lesson. And that's why I'm saying that I want to safely go about searching for... whatever it is that's on my heart - because I don't even know what it is yet. Isn't that strange? I'm sure I'll find it eventually. I think it's simply something along the lines of being challenged. I know I've mentioned this before, but I have yet to feel truly challenged in my faith. So hopefully there will be a bit of progress in regards to this sometime soon.
If anything, I will search for God.
Seek Him.
Wait for Him.
God is good.
'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will you give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him...'
[Psalm 37:4-5]
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