Ch. 302 - Aloud

I find myself cringing when I think about how many times I have seemingly been ashamed of my faith. Perhaps 'ashamed' is not the best choice of words... I mean, perhaps embarrassed, even, is more fitting.

Either way, it's appalling.
Absolutely appalling.

Even so, it's the truth.
And sometimes the truth is unpleasant and ugly when viewed.
But often enough there is also a lot of beauty to the truth.
You can learn a lot from the truth, as well.

... That makes me think about Jesus. When He was on the cross, He was not daintily hung without flaw or stain, such as in some paintings we see or the sculptures that we can reach out and touch and hold. Jesus was perfect, yes. He was without vice. But when He was beaten by Roman soldiers and crucified, He became physically imperfect. His flesh hung in strips. His back was cut open and deeply inflicted with wounds. Blood streamed down His body and dried on his arms, hands, stomach, legs, and feet. His hair, I'm sure, was a matted mess. Dirt of the road to Gol'gotha - 'the place of a skull' - clung to Him. And then His hands and feet were hewn to rough pieces of wood. By that point in time, I believe it is safe to say that Jesus was, in short, ugly. He was unpleasant to look at. But to many people, He was quite possibly the most beautiful man they had ever laid eyes on. He brought so much good to this world. To us. To you, to me. He brought Life. And He was the Truth. He is the Truth.

How could I ever be embarrassed of that?

I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me.
I mean, Christians are conservative, close-minded, self-righteous, science-hating hypocrites!
Right?
Well, I think it's reasonable to say that there are Christians in this world that fit this description...
but that's how a lot of people view most Christians, and that's not fair.

"What are you going to do about it?"
... Good question. But that's another post for another day.

But how is it that I, a girl who wants to spread the Gospel to all nations, am afraid of living my faith out loud?

I have friends who do not know Jesus the way I do. They call themselves Christian, but they do not have a relationship with Christ. They live in ways that are completely different from the way that I do. But when they say or do something that makes me upset or uncomfortable, do I say anything? No. I'm not worried about losing their friendship; friends come and go. I could bring out the Jesus card, but... they're 'Christians', remember? "They know." When I go running or go on a walk, I usually pray and sing worship songs out loud - when nobody's around, that is. Otherwise, I pray and sing the songs in my head. Why? Why do I have to stop speaking and singing when someone comes into view and then resume when they're out of earshot? It's not that I'm self-conscious about my voice. It's not that I'm scared people will think I'm talking to myself and that I'm crazy. These things do not matter to me. Yet for some reason, when faith is involved... it obviously does matter to me. And I hate that. I can honestly say that I hate it. Mind you, I use the word 'hate' very, very, very little.

I could talk about God with friends and family [and even strangers] for hours.
Do I? No.

I could read my Bible when I'm not in class or church or trying to have 'alone time'.
Do I? No.

I could pray and talk to God [out loud] during all of my free time.
Do I? No.

Right now I can't help but think of the teaching of Jesus about the hypocrites praying on the street corners and in the synagogues to be seen by man, as well as praying with many words to feel like they've been heard [Matthew 6:5-8]. I don't want to say that I'm afraid of being like those hypocrites. I mean, that very well could be part of it. I have had my share of experiences with pride; I have both been around people with pride complexes that reach to the sky... and I have felt a lot of pride on my own behalf. However, I really think it's more than that.

I feel like there's so much more I could be doing with my faith.
For others.
For God.
And, to be honest, for myself.
To learn.
To grow.

However, I am realizing that a lot of what I am thinking and feeling may have to do with praise.

I could praise God every hour of every day.
Do I?

.......

No.

I do not give God enough praise.
My actions do not give Him the glory He deserves.
My words do not give Him the thanks He deserves.
I do not give Him enough admiration.
I do not give Him enough devotion.
'Worship is a lifestyle.'
I say that a lot.
A lot.
But I most certainly do not follow through with what I say.

Enough is enough.
It will not do to be ashamed.
Guilty.
Embarrassed.
How dare I?
After Christ was ridiculed, scorned, and mocked, I simply have no excuse.
No right.

If anything, I should be ashamed of myself.


'Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels." '
[Luke 9:23-26]

......

Ch. 302, Part Two:

Please watch this video. It is fantastic.