Today I was tested by the Big Guy. Of course I didn't realize I was being tested until I gave up and failed miserably. For some reason, though, I think that's how God wanted it to happen. I understand why. I know what I was being tested on and what the real answer was. I learned a lesson and I'm glad that things panned out the way they did - even though I did, indeed, fail.
I was volunteering at my church, helping unload flood buckets - delivered from across the country - from a semi-truck. We then put some buckets into my youth pastor's truck to deliver to another United Methodist Church in the city. I went to help unload those at the church and when we got back to St. Paul's there was another semi in the parking. People were placing the buckets taken from the first semi into the second. ... 'Wait, what? Why would they do that? What a waste of time.' So I got in line to help reload. I later learned that the second semi was going to stay in our parking lot for the week and our church would be handing out the buckets. 'Alright, that makes sense. I get it now.' Yet as I stood in one of the lines, helping pass buckets, I started to become irritated.
I was basically complaining nonstop in my head.
Terrible.
'Why are there little kids here? They think they're helping - well gosh, their parents are telling them "what a big helper they are!" - while in reality they're simply getting in the way.'
'Why couldn't this have been a youth volunteer event? We would have had this done in no time at all! Ugh. I wouldn't have set things up like this. This is practically organized chaos.'
'Standing shoulder-to-shoulder isn't working. There's no rhythm. I don't even have any room to move my arms to pass this bucket. Ridiculous.'
'Ok, so I get a little space on one side finally and somebody shoves me out of the way, saying "It's my turn to help!" Fine. There's no room for me, so I'll leave.'
And so I did.
As I was walking away I knew it was the wrong thing to do. But my temper got the best of me. Again. I was childish and immature in my actions and I heavily regret leaving. I simply can't be like that.
Having kids around may be a bit burdensome, but their being there is a valuable lesson for them, learning to help and work with others. That's a good thing.
Just because the youth may be a bit stronger than some of the volunteers that were there doesn't mean that the work would have been done any quicker.
The fact that there were so many helpers is truly wonderful! Imagine if only a handful of people had shown up. I'll take too many over not enough any day in situations like that.
I'm not Superman. I can't do everything by myself. And I shouldn't be selfish in wanting to help, even though that almost sounds kind of strange. I need to be working for God - not myself.
I suppose this was sort of like my first test of the new path I've started to walk on. I know, however, that it was by no means my last test. And I'm glad for that. In the future I'm going to have to work with others - and all kinds of other people, at that. I'm going to have to follow plans that aren't my own and may not seem the best or brightest, but I may have no say in how things should or could be done. I'm going to have to learn how to follow before I can lead. I am going to need copious amounts of patience and self-control.
And even though I think that I have died in self and am living in Christ, I certainly don't think it always shines through in my life. I think I'm going to have to commit myself and remind myself that everything is for God every day over. I should be doing that now.
For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver.'
[Psalm 66:10; emphasis my own]
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