I feel like I'm in a baby pool. No matter where I turn, no matter where I step, I am in shallow water. I am desperately seeking deeper waters to dive into. Most of the time I feel like I am learning, but not growing. I am not being stretched. I am not being challenged. I am not being stimulated. I've been saying this over and over, I know. But it's true. Intelligent conversation is a great thing... God-talks are beautiful and encouraging... small groups and Bible studies can be so uplifting... but apparently the only things that matter around here are boys/girls [and marriage], shopping, movies, texting - oh, and the occasional "Biblical discussion" about baptism and its role in salvation.
Deciding to come to this school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. However, it was also one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I really do. But sometimes I just want to wake these people up and ask what is wrong with them! Do classes really take so much of their time and attention (both faith-wise and non-faith-wise) that they can't spend some time out of class in discussion, [Bible] study, etc.? Other than in class and chapel, neither God nor the Bible is ever topical. Neither come up in daily conversation. You ask someone how they are and all they respond with is, "I'm tired." Where is your joy? There is a young man on this campus who is different, though. You ask him how he's doing, you'll hear something along the lines of, "I'm blessed," or "I'm fighting the fight." And you know he means what he's saying. He's not just saying it out of habit. Talk to him for a few minutes and you will see just how focused he is. He loves Jesus and it is so incredibly apparent. It's refreshing.
So I suppose part of my problem is that I'm not trying hard enough to find those people who are like-minded and want the same thing I do. Or when I do find them, I'm not initiating anything. I'm not trying to make that connection. I want it so bad right now, though. I need it. I've been doing things on my own lately and it's just not enough. It's kind of like I've only been drinking lemonade. It quenches my thirst for awhile, but in reality it just makes me even more thirsty.
'Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.'
[Proverbs 3:13-18]
......
Ch. 262, Part Two:
Please note that I am speaking about a minority of the school's population. I also admit that I can be quite the hypocrite, so I'm not putting blame on anyone for my disappointment (for lack of a better word). There are always going to be things we can work on. Nobody's perfect. And I certainly don't know people's hearts. This has simply been on my mind lately and I thought I'd get it out there.
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