I feel like I'm standing in a pool of quicksand.
If I don't move, little to no sinking will occur.
If I try to get out - especially by myself - I will soon end up in great peril.
[Peril may seem a bit much, but it's not very often that you get to use the word peril. It works pretty well with this, so I'm keeping it.]
In all seriousness, though, I need some help to get out of this pit I've suddenly found myself standing in. I don't know what happened, exactly (story of my life). I thought I was making quite a bit of progress. Things were going pretty well. But then I realized that I've really not been myself. I'm happy, yet subdued. I'm drawing nearer to God, yet continue to hold myself an arm's length away.
That's not right.
I have this beautiful idea of the young woman God has created me to be, but I'm nowhere near attaining that idea and making it a reality. I don't like it. But it's true. I have a lot of work to do. Thankfully, I'll be working with my very own Designer and Creator. So I should be pretty good to go.
I just need some stability right now.
Something absolute.
Uplifting.
Encouraging.
Something on and through which I have room to grow.
'On Christ the solid Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand.'
This song just started playing in my head.
And how true the lyrics are.
Brilliant.
'The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.'
[Psalm 18:2-6]
Again. A little dramatic. Not to mention out of context.
... But I like it.
September 3, 2009
September 2, 2009
Ch. 502 - The Lion and The Lamb
This morning I was reading in the gym before class; I was reading in the book of Hosea - which is technically irrelevant, but that's where it started for me today. Hosea 11:10 says:
'They will follow the Lord;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.'
When I read that the Lord would roar like a lion, I thought, 'Hm. Isn't Christ called the Lion of Judah or something?' I couldn't quite remember, but man, it sure sounded great! So I went with it. I finished reading Hosea and flipped to the book of Revelation. I'm [re]reading it, since I'm in New Testament Prophecy this semester. Last night I had finished reading the letters to the seven churches, so I turned to chapter four, which speaks of the throne of God. Chapter five tells of the scroll and the Lamb, Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll. Revelation 5:5 says:
' "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals." '
Wait, what? The Lion of the tribe of Judah?
Well, well, well.
I'm not going to lie, I felt pretty good after reading that verse. So Christ is, indeed, called the Lion of Judah. Alright, but I have a confession. I've read Revelation quite a few times... also, I figure it's a term I've heard more than once over the years. But if someone had asked, "Hey Natalie - where is Christ referred to as the Lion of Judah?" I honestly couldn't have answered with, "Oh yeah - Lion of Judah... Revelation 5:5, man." Or even if they had asked, "Uhhh, isn't Christ called a Lion of Judah or something?" I don't know if I would have been able to answer with confidence, you know?
Revelation 5:6 goes on to say:
'Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth.' "
Strong.
Gentle.
Aggressive.
Meek.
Loud.
Quiet.
Hunter.
Hunted.
Spirited.
Delicate.
I suppose that I simply like the contrast in saying that Christ is a Lion and a Lamb. It really makes Him all the more incredible. The fact that He can be and is each of these things is fascinating to me; He encompasses, if you will, qualities of both and I'm sure that makes Him all the more appealing to certain people in this world. I say this because they may be looking for one thing or another in, for example, a Higher Power that they believe exists, and they will be able to find it in Him.
'Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
"To him who sits on the throne and to
the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and
power,
for ever and ever!" '
[Revelation 5:13]
'They will follow the Lord;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.'
When I read that the Lord would roar like a lion, I thought, 'Hm. Isn't Christ called the Lion of Judah or something?' I couldn't quite remember, but man, it sure sounded great! So I went with it. I finished reading Hosea and flipped to the book of Revelation. I'm [re]reading it, since I'm in New Testament Prophecy this semester. Last night I had finished reading the letters to the seven churches, so I turned to chapter four, which speaks of the throne of God. Chapter five tells of the scroll and the Lamb, Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll. Revelation 5:5 says:
' "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals." '
Wait, what? The Lion of the tribe of Judah?
Well, well, well.
I'm not going to lie, I felt pretty good after reading that verse. So Christ is, indeed, called the Lion of Judah. Alright, but I have a confession. I've read Revelation quite a few times... also, I figure it's a term I've heard more than once over the years. But if someone had asked, "Hey Natalie - where is Christ referred to as the Lion of Judah?" I honestly couldn't have answered with, "Oh yeah - Lion of Judah... Revelation 5:5, man." Or even if they had asked, "Uhhh, isn't Christ called a Lion of Judah or something?" I don't know if I would have been able to answer with confidence, you know?
Revelation 5:6 goes on to say:
'Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth.' "
Strong.
Gentle.
Aggressive.
Meek.
Loud.
Quiet.
Hunter.
Hunted.
Spirited.
Delicate.
I suppose that I simply like the contrast in saying that Christ is a Lion and a Lamb. It really makes Him all the more incredible. The fact that He can be and is each of these things is fascinating to me; He encompasses, if you will, qualities of both and I'm sure that makes Him all the more appealing to certain people in this world. I say this because they may be looking for one thing or another in, for example, a Higher Power that they believe exists, and they will be able to find it in Him.
'Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
"To him who sits on the throne and to
the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and
power,
for ever and ever!" '
[Revelation 5:13]
September 1, 2009
Ch. 501 - An Oasis
My God is real.
My God is present.
I feel so great right now.
It's not like I'm 100% "better" or anything.
But I'm surely on my way.
I found myself thinking earlier that I felt as if I'd turned right around.
180°.
It's not true, of course, because that wouldn't happen overnight.
And I'm glad.
[What's the destination mean to you without the journey, right?]
Yet even so, the more I thought about it the more I realized it'd really only be something like 110° anyway.
Because I would want to think I did that on my own.
And I would need God to help me turn around completely. I could turn 179.9° and not be able to turn the .1° without God.
God is here.
Right here.
I can call upon Him and He will answer.
He is mighty.
He is at work.
He is glorious.
He watches over us with love and care - and knowing what's best for us.
Not always fun for us when He acts on our behalf, but it's God.
What are you going to do?
Who are you to question His plans, His motives, His actions?
Anyway, I just feel so joyful right now. I just sat down to write this after jumping around my room for something like, half an hour. I'm not kidding. The entire day has been fantastic and it continued right on into the night. I could get used to this. God was just so... I don't know... evident? I don't know how else to put it. But it was great to see and hear Him today on many an occasion.
Forward march.
'Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.'
[2 Timothy 2:22]
My God is present.
I feel so great right now.
It's not like I'm 100% "better" or anything.
But I'm surely on my way.
I found myself thinking earlier that I felt as if I'd turned right around.
180°.
It's not true, of course, because that wouldn't happen overnight.
And I'm glad.
[What's the destination mean to you without the journey, right?]
Yet even so, the more I thought about it the more I realized it'd really only be something like 110° anyway.
Because I would want to think I did that on my own.
And I would need God to help me turn around completely. I could turn 179.9° and not be able to turn the .1° without God.
God is here.
Right here.
I can call upon Him and He will answer.
He is mighty.
He is at work.
He is glorious.
He watches over us with love and care - and knowing what's best for us.
Not always fun for us when He acts on our behalf, but it's God.
What are you going to do?
Who are you to question His plans, His motives, His actions?
Anyway, I just feel so joyful right now. I just sat down to write this after jumping around my room for something like, half an hour. I'm not kidding. The entire day has been fantastic and it continued right on into the night. I could get used to this. God was just so... I don't know... evident? I don't know how else to put it. But it was great to see and hear Him today on many an occasion.
Forward march.
'Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.'
[2 Timothy 2:22]
August 31, 2009
Ch. 501 - Passion and Prayer
Passion.
A blessing.
A curse.
I want to do so much with the passions God has placed within me.
But I don't know the first step I need to take, or in what direction I'd take it.
I feel as if I have all this weight pressing on my heart.
And if I don't do something to relieve the pressure, I will go crazy.
I was talking to my mom when I went home the other day. For whatever reason, it was an emotional day. I'm not one to cry often. But then, of course, there are those days where the floodgates open and I can't help myself. I find that usually I'm affected by the people around me when it comes to that kind of thing. So, naturally, because my mom was [I think] more emotional, so was I. Anyway, I was talking about Central and the upcoming year. I talked a lot, and expressed practically every feeling on the spectrum, ranging from sorrow to joy to irritation. It was one of those conversations where I learned a few things as I went along... I didn't really realize what I was saying until after I said it. I was letting my mom know how I felt about some people at school and the leadership and as I sat on a kitchen counter, I burst out with, "I love my school, mom! I love the students!" and started to cry. Out of frustration. Out of happiness. I like that about myself. I have passion for the place where I am and the people I am with at the time being. Someone [whom I've never even met] reminded me that I shouldn't be looking so far to the future to serve God. It's likely that there's a mission and a ministry right where you are. That's more than true for me in the here and now, especially because of where Central is located. Anyway, I simply want so badly to do all I can for my peers. For the school. For the community. See Ch. 398, if you'd like [that's how I'm feeling right now.].
But why are we given passion, desire, and motivation if we don't know what to do with it?
We can tell ourselves to expect God to do great things all we want.
"Praying in faith."
But how do we even begin to pray about letting God incubate our passions within us, letting them develop and grow?
It's simple, I suppose. We just... do.
Pray. And then pray some more.
I mean, why not?
Here's the thing. I love prayer.
But I'm not going to lie - sometimes I find myself wondering what the heck I'm doing. Why would God want to listen to me? Why would He answer my prayers? I'm no one special. Obviously things aren't going to happen if it's not His will, but otherwise it's safe to say that He does, indeed, answer prayer. He sets things in motion for His glory. I just have a hard time believing that He'd want to do anything for us. Man is ugly. There are exceptions. But seriously... we fall. We fall over and over. Yet God continues to be there to catch us and clean up our messes. He even sent His Son to die for us. So when I think about that, I realize that maybe I shouldn't be so frugal and doubtful when it comes to prayer. If laying down your life is the greatest love... it's "been there, done that" for God. I imagine prayer is easy for Him, as the Divine Creator of everything. So really, praying in faith shouldn't be something for me to shy away from. I should be embracing the concept, if anything.
I can't give up on these passions.
I need to be praying for passion, among other things.
God listens.
God gives.
God is good.
' "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." '
[Matthew 21:22]
A blessing.
A curse.
I want to do so much with the passions God has placed within me.
But I don't know the first step I need to take, or in what direction I'd take it.
I feel as if I have all this weight pressing on my heart.
And if I don't do something to relieve the pressure, I will go crazy.
I was talking to my mom when I went home the other day. For whatever reason, it was an emotional day. I'm not one to cry often. But then, of course, there are those days where the floodgates open and I can't help myself. I find that usually I'm affected by the people around me when it comes to that kind of thing. So, naturally, because my mom was [I think] more emotional, so was I. Anyway, I was talking about Central and the upcoming year. I talked a lot, and expressed practically every feeling on the spectrum, ranging from sorrow to joy to irritation. It was one of those conversations where I learned a few things as I went along... I didn't really realize what I was saying until after I said it. I was letting my mom know how I felt about some people at school and the leadership and as I sat on a kitchen counter, I burst out with, "I love my school, mom! I love the students!" and started to cry. Out of frustration. Out of happiness. I like that about myself. I have passion for the place where I am and the people I am with at the time being. Someone [whom I've never even met] reminded me that I shouldn't be looking so far to the future to serve God. It's likely that there's a mission and a ministry right where you are. That's more than true for me in the here and now, especially because of where Central is located. Anyway, I simply want so badly to do all I can for my peers. For the school. For the community. See Ch. 398, if you'd like [that's how I'm feeling right now.].
But why are we given passion, desire, and motivation if we don't know what to do with it?
We can tell ourselves to expect God to do great things all we want.
"Praying in faith."
But how do we even begin to pray about letting God incubate our passions within us, letting them develop and grow?
It's simple, I suppose. We just... do.
Pray. And then pray some more.
I mean, why not?
Here's the thing. I love prayer.
But I'm not going to lie - sometimes I find myself wondering what the heck I'm doing. Why would God want to listen to me? Why would He answer my prayers? I'm no one special. Obviously things aren't going to happen if it's not His will, but otherwise it's safe to say that He does, indeed, answer prayer. He sets things in motion for His glory. I just have a hard time believing that He'd want to do anything for us. Man is ugly. There are exceptions. But seriously... we fall. We fall over and over. Yet God continues to be there to catch us and clean up our messes. He even sent His Son to die for us. So when I think about that, I realize that maybe I shouldn't be so frugal and doubtful when it comes to prayer. If laying down your life is the greatest love... it's "been there, done that" for God. I imagine prayer is easy for Him, as the Divine Creator of everything. So really, praying in faith shouldn't be something for me to shy away from. I should be embracing the concept, if anything.
I can't give up on these passions.
I need to be praying for passion, among other things.
God listens.
God gives.
God is good.
' "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." '
[Matthew 21:22]
August 30, 2009
Ch. 500 - A Comforter
Lately I have felt... off. I'm ecstatic to be at school, I love seeing all of my friends, classes have started... I'm happy. But at the same time, I'm not. It's really quite strange and I don't exactly know what my problem is. I've been trying to turn to God for answers and comfort. Sometimes our struggles seem too much to bear. That is, until we bring our troubles to God and asked Him for help. It's hard to do that, but every time you do, it is absolutely worth it.
I often talk to God and pray to Him when I need that help, when I need that comfort. And His word definitely has a comforting quality to it. It brings peace. Assurance. He comforts me when I feel like I have no one to talk to or when I feel like I have no one who understands me. He comforts me when I am simply at a loss. When I don't know what to say. When I don't know what to think. But the mere fact that I know He is always with me helps and I am usually made to feel better. I have thus learned that sometimes it is perfectly fine to be at a loss. God makes up for what we don't have with unconditional love, mercy, and grace. Knowing these things are characteristics of my God is comforting, even. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be comforted. I am a wretched person and don't feel like I am worthy of help or love. I don't even always do my best to comfort people when something is wrong in their lives, so why should someone, even God, want to comfort me? But my goodness, I am always completely grateful for what my God does to make me feel better and uplift me. For me, the smallest bit of encouragement is usually incredibly encouraging.
I really think, however, the fact that I know my God never turns His ear from me is an amazing realization. So whenever I feel that people aren't willing to listen, I can let my voice and thoughts rise to God and know that He not just hears but listens, and understands me entirely. Beautiful.
'You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and you listen to their cry...'
[Psalm 10:17]
I often talk to God and pray to Him when I need that help, when I need that comfort. And His word definitely has a comforting quality to it. It brings peace. Assurance. He comforts me when I feel like I have no one to talk to or when I feel like I have no one who understands me. He comforts me when I am simply at a loss. When I don't know what to say. When I don't know what to think. But the mere fact that I know He is always with me helps and I am usually made to feel better. I have thus learned that sometimes it is perfectly fine to be at a loss. God makes up for what we don't have with unconditional love, mercy, and grace. Knowing these things are characteristics of my God is comforting, even. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be comforted. I am a wretched person and don't feel like I am worthy of help or love. I don't even always do my best to comfort people when something is wrong in their lives, so why should someone, even God, want to comfort me? But my goodness, I am always completely grateful for what my God does to make me feel better and uplift me. For me, the smallest bit of encouragement is usually incredibly encouraging.
I really think, however, the fact that I know my God never turns His ear from me is an amazing realization. So whenever I feel that people aren't willing to listen, I can let my voice and thoughts rise to God and know that He not just hears but listens, and understands me entirely. Beautiful.
'You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and you listen to their cry...'
[Psalm 10:17]
August 29, 2009
Ch. 499 - For Christ
On my drive home yesterday I had a lot of time to think. One of my predominant thoughts was on suffering. I came to the conclusion that it pains me to say that I have not, in fact, suffered for Christ. That may seem weird. I mean, who wants to suffer, right? But if there's one thing I feel that I deserve, it's exactly that. I am not inherently good. I am broken. I am with fault. I lie. I judge. I envy. I am a sinner. So in my mind, I "deserve" to suffer, in a sense.
Yet even with all of my shortcomings I am loved by my Father and His Son... and I love Them in return. Jesus was crucified on a cross for me. He has suffered more than I ever have by carrying the sins of the world on His shoulders. But what have I done for Christ?
Nothing.
Even out of my extreme love and adoration of Him, I have not brought anything upon myself. Do I really love and adore Him as much as I think I do?
I don't sacrifice anything of myself for Him. And as much as I want to tell others about Christ and just put myself out there for others, I have had little experience in doing so and truly believe that thus, I have yet to suffer in any way, shape, or form. Christianity may be a persecuted religion, but as a member of the body of Christ I have not felt that arm of social injustice as of yet. For all I know I may suffer immensely in the years to come as I give myself to Christ all the more as His servant. But for now, I will remain in my sheltered, ignorant, bubble of bliss here at Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly, Missouri. I will sit and do my homework and fulfill my required service hours like the good Christian student that I am. Complacent and comfortable, compliant and complaisant.
... Right?
WRONG.
If I don't start becoming bold in my faith, speaking out in Christ's name, or giving glory to God for all things said and done right here and right now, then when will I?
In a week?
A month?
A year?
Five, ten years?
Unacceptable.
Christ suffered for more than one reason.
But those reasons do not include 'so that Natalie can just chill at Bible college while learning to be an "authentic kingdom leader" but not apply herself while not on the field'.
Christ could come back tomorrow. He could come back in eleven minutes.
But what will I have done for His Kingdom?
Will He say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"?
Or will He say instead, "I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me."?
I know which one I want to hear.
And if I get to suffer for Jesus Christ while serving His Father, then the Lord God will let it be so. I simply cannot be complacent and expect great things to happen in and by His name. I need to be willing to take chances. Risks. Be a rebel for Christ (cliché, I know).
God is good.
He offers us true life.
Living water.
What do we offer Him?
Our praises?
Our service?
Our own lives?
Or do we cast aside the thought that He deserves everything and more?
Today I was making cookies for some people. At one point I burnt my thumb while taking out a tray. I thought to myself, "Man. These cookies better be appreciated."
Do you think that as Christ hung on the cross He was thinking, "Man. All mankind better appreciate my doing this."?
...... Just a thought.
'If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.'
[2 Corinthians 5:13-14]
Yet even with all of my shortcomings I am loved by my Father and His Son... and I love Them in return. Jesus was crucified on a cross for me. He has suffered more than I ever have by carrying the sins of the world on His shoulders. But what have I done for Christ?
Nothing.
Even out of my extreme love and adoration of Him, I have not brought anything upon myself. Do I really love and adore Him as much as I think I do?
I don't sacrifice anything of myself for Him. And as much as I want to tell others about Christ and just put myself out there for others, I have had little experience in doing so and truly believe that thus, I have yet to suffer in any way, shape, or form. Christianity may be a persecuted religion, but as a member of the body of Christ I have not felt that arm of social injustice as of yet. For all I know I may suffer immensely in the years to come as I give myself to Christ all the more as His servant. But for now, I will remain in my sheltered, ignorant, bubble of bliss here at Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly, Missouri. I will sit and do my homework and fulfill my required service hours like the good Christian student that I am. Complacent and comfortable, compliant and complaisant.
... Right?
WRONG.
If I don't start becoming bold in my faith, speaking out in Christ's name, or giving glory to God for all things said and done right here and right now, then when will I?
In a week?
A month?
A year?
Five, ten years?
Unacceptable.
Christ suffered for more than one reason.
But those reasons do not include 'so that Natalie can just chill at Bible college while learning to be an "authentic kingdom leader" but not apply herself while not on the field'.
Christ could come back tomorrow. He could come back in eleven minutes.
But what will I have done for His Kingdom?
Will He say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"?
Or will He say instead, "I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me."?
I know which one I want to hear.
And if I get to suffer for Jesus Christ while serving His Father, then the Lord God will let it be so. I simply cannot be complacent and expect great things to happen in and by His name. I need to be willing to take chances. Risks. Be a rebel for Christ (cliché, I know).
God is good.
He offers us true life.
Living water.
What do we offer Him?
Our praises?
Our service?
Our own lives?
Or do we cast aside the thought that He deserves everything and more?
Today I was making cookies for some people. At one point I burnt my thumb while taking out a tray. I thought to myself, "Man. These cookies better be appreciated."
Do you think that as Christ hung on the cross He was thinking, "Man. All mankind better appreciate my doing this."?
...... Just a thought.
'If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.'
[2 Corinthians 5:13-14]
August 28, 2009
Ch. 498 - A Desire and Truth
'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of
wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have
good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.'
[Psalm 111:10]
wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have
good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.'
[Psalm 111:10]
August 27, 2009
Ch. 497 - A Little Goes a Long Way
I really like genuine people.
'Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.'
[Romans 12:9-10]
'Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.'
[Romans 12:9-10]
August 26, 2009
Ch. 496 - Holy Living
'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of the God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.'
[Colossians 3:1-2]
As I was reading through Colossians this evening, these verses really spoke to me. I think that because the school year has finally begun [ok, well, basically begun] that my focus has quickly shifted. This summer I was not setting my heart and mind on things above. I should have. I needed to. But I didn't. It's as simple as that. As I've said before, I just didn't care. Yet now that I'm back at school, it's 'time' to turn back to God and be a good girl who reads her Bible... a girl who is 'joyful always, prays continually, and gives thanks in all circumstances'... a girl who 'does not let any unwholesome talk come out of her mouth'... a girl living for God, and only God. Easier said than done. But that's what it's about. Trials. Joys. Working at it. The journey. The relationship. The foundation. But I can't live a cyclical life. I can't go back and forth. Die daily. Live for Him. Be forgiven. Be loved. Always.
My heart and mind really do need to be set on Christ continually. If I want growth, God will plant the seeds when my motives and desires are true and based on His will for me. It's time to raise the bar for setting expectations of myself. Because I think I've reached a point where my expectations are simply not high enough. They're too easy to reach.
It's a new year.
And with the new year comes new goals.
New experiences.
New hurts.
New dreams.
New prayers.
New tribulations.
New hopes.
New challenges.
New deceptions.
New friends.
New encouragement.
New gossip.
New thoughts.
New calls.
New life, it seems.
And I thank God for this, because a renewal is taking place. God is cleansing my heart and I feel that His doing so will better enable me to take up my cross daily and more readily do what Colossians 3:1-2 says to do.
What a beautiful God I have and know.
[Colossians 3:1-2]
As I was reading through Colossians this evening, these verses really spoke to me. I think that because the school year has finally begun [ok, well, basically begun] that my focus has quickly shifted. This summer I was not setting my heart and mind on things above. I should have. I needed to. But I didn't. It's as simple as that. As I've said before, I just didn't care. Yet now that I'm back at school, it's 'time' to turn back to God and be a good girl who reads her Bible... a girl who is 'joyful always, prays continually, and gives thanks in all circumstances'... a girl who 'does not let any unwholesome talk come out of her mouth'... a girl living for God, and only God. Easier said than done. But that's what it's about. Trials. Joys. Working at it. The journey. The relationship. The foundation. But I can't live a cyclical life. I can't go back and forth. Die daily. Live for Him. Be forgiven. Be loved. Always.
My heart and mind really do need to be set on Christ continually. If I want growth, God will plant the seeds when my motives and desires are true and based on His will for me. It's time to raise the bar for setting expectations of myself. Because I think I've reached a point where my expectations are simply not high enough. They're too easy to reach.
It's a new year.
And with the new year comes new goals.
New experiences.
New hurts.
New dreams.
New prayers.
New tribulations.
New hopes.
New challenges.
New deceptions.
New friends.
New encouragement.
New gossip.
New thoughts.
New calls.
New life, it seems.
And I thank God for this, because a renewal is taking place. God is cleansing my heart and I feel that His doing so will better enable me to take up my cross daily and more readily do what Colossians 3:1-2 says to do.
What a beautiful God I have and know.
August 25, 2009
Ch. 495 - Something to Seek
God brings people together for many reasons. And while we may not always know what those reasons are at the time of meeting, the fact that there is, in fact, a reason, makes time spent with other people all the more special. I think - no, I know - we take time for granted. For certain, I am incredibly guilty of doing so. But do I then attempt to make the most out of the time I am given by God every day? ... No. I even go so far as to complain that there aren't enough hours in a day, yet I am never as productive as I could be. I just feel so backwards, sometimes. And usually I don't try to turn myself around until I am given a push in the right direction. Going back to my original thought, though: we need to make the most of our time - especially considering the fact that our life here on earth is so incredibly short.
Nate Sallie sings, "Heaven's just a breath away, and I can't waste another day pretending that tomorrow's a guarantee; I've got to face my reality," in his song 'Heaven's Just a Breath Away'. How true these lyrics are.
Anyway, I simply love the fact that my God knows me so well and wants the best for me. He delivers joy, laughter, and cheer through other people and it makes me think about how personal and small my God is. But then I am always awestruck when I realize that He's holding not only my life in His hands, but the lives of everyone around me, as well - and I think about how caring and big my God is.
I know I'm kind of jumping around from here to there, but I have a lot on my mind right now. So really, these are my thoughts going straight down through my fingers into the computer. Recently I've been thinking more about what I'm writing, unlike in the past, but not today - that's for sure.
Joy.
Help.
Beauty.
Seeking and grasping all the more.
'One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the
Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.'
[Psalm 27:4-5]
Nate Sallie sings, "Heaven's just a breath away, and I can't waste another day pretending that tomorrow's a guarantee; I've got to face my reality," in his song 'Heaven's Just a Breath Away'. How true these lyrics are.
Anyway, I simply love the fact that my God knows me so well and wants the best for me. He delivers joy, laughter, and cheer through other people and it makes me think about how personal and small my God is. But then I am always awestruck when I realize that He's holding not only my life in His hands, but the lives of everyone around me, as well - and I think about how caring and big my God is.
I know I'm kind of jumping around from here to there, but I have a lot on my mind right now. So really, these are my thoughts going straight down through my fingers into the computer. Recently I've been thinking more about what I'm writing, unlike in the past, but not today - that's for sure.
Joy.
Help.
Beauty.
Seeking and grasping all the more.
'One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the
Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.'
[Psalm 27:4-5]
August 24, 2009
Ch. 494 - The Second Start
I am typing this from my room at Central Christian College of the Bible. It's the start of my second year at Central and I could not be happier to be back at school! I - along with many others I've talked to recently - are so positive that it's going to be a fantastic year. I'm really excited to see how God moves and changes the hearts of people throughout their time at Central. There's so much to learn, too! It never ceases to amaze me how big and awesome our God is. We'll never know everything, and I can't even begin to imagine how much there is to know, anyway. But it's fun to attempt to do so, in a sense. Anyway, I'm simply ecstatic to be back and get started on Thursday. My classes for the semester are as follows:
SALT: Motivation
Survey of Literature
New Testament Prophecy [Revelation]
Israel After the Exile
World Religions and Cultures
Foundations of World Missions
Cross-Cultural Communication
Interpersonal Communication
22 credit hours, service hours for SALT, Harvesters, devotions, random going-ons here and there, going home now and then... ETC., ETC., ETC. I'll be kept busy this semester, that's for sure. At least I'm really looking forward to it all. And it helps that I truly love school and learning. I enjoy studying, I enjoy doing my assignments.
It's going to be a good year.
I can't wait to see what God does.
Fantastic.
' "God is exalted in his power.
Who is a teacher like him?
Who has prescribed his ways for him,
Or said to him, 'You have donw
wrong'?
Remember to extol his work,
which men have praised in song.
All mankind has seen it;
men gaze on from afar.
How great is our God - beyond our
understanding!
the number of his years is past
finding out." '
[Job 36:22-26]
SALT: Motivation
Survey of Literature
New Testament Prophecy [Revelation]
Israel After the Exile
World Religions and Cultures
Foundations of World Missions
Cross-Cultural Communication
Interpersonal Communication
22 credit hours, service hours for SALT, Harvesters, devotions, random going-ons here and there, going home now and then... ETC., ETC., ETC. I'll be kept busy this semester, that's for sure. At least I'm really looking forward to it all. And it helps that I truly love school and learning. I enjoy studying, I enjoy doing my assignments.
It's going to be a good year.
I can't wait to see what God does.
Fantastic.
' "God is exalted in his power.
Who is a teacher like him?
Who has prescribed his ways for him,
Or said to him, 'You have donw
wrong'?
Remember to extol his work,
which men have praised in song.
All mankind has seen it;
men gaze on from afar.
How great is our God - beyond our
understanding!
the number of his years is past
finding out." '
[Job 36:22-26]
August 23, 2009
Ch. 493 - A Gift of Peace
So lately I've been thinking a lot about peace. And I mean a lot. I'm not talking about 'being at peace' in regards to not being at war... And while I don’t really want to go with the stereotypical aspects of what peace is or is not. Yet I feel I may have to. I mean, again - at its simplest form, peace is the absence of conflict. But it’s so much more than that. There are two types of peace, in my opinion. First, there’s having that external peace within the world around you... a quiet serenity, perhaps. Then there’s the internal peace that only you know about. It’s an inner calm that nobody but God can give you. Thus said, I think being at peace internally is certainly a gift. Hopefully that makes sense. I believe having that sense of peace – especially within yourself – is important. There’s so much turmoil and conflict in the world that we could use all the peace we can possibly get! In all seriousness, though, there truly is nothing like feeling you have received that inner peace from your God. I think people don't always realize how nice it is to have that peace...
Peace is knowing that you are loved.
Cherished.
Peace is knowing that you are safe.
Forgiven.
Peace is knowing that you are significant in an insignificant world.
Worthwhile.
I feel these are the gifts God is giving me at this point in time.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Because here's the thing. Any peace is better than no peace, first of all. And coming from our Most High Lord God, how could you say what He gives is not good enough for you? He knows exactly what we need, when we need it. So while I may not fully understand what He's doing with me, it's okay. Because I know what He does is good. I also may not feel like I'm filled to the brim with peace, but I do feel that I have enough to be able to seek and grasp that joy that I've been seeking for what seems like a lifetime. I think the main thing is that I feel like God is giving me the go-ahead. I can proceed, you know? I'm not taking one step forward and ten steps back anymore. It's one step forward, one step forward, one step forward. Man oh man, those steps are small. But I'm moving. And I'm not looking back. I'm thankful for what God is giving me in the here and now. He is more than praiseworthy. He deserves the best from us. Praise Him.
'Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.'
[2 Thessalonians 3:16]
Peace is knowing that you are loved.
Cherished.
Peace is knowing that you are safe.
Forgiven.
Peace is knowing that you are significant in an insignificant world.
Worthwhile.
I feel these are the gifts God is giving me at this point in time.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Because here's the thing. Any peace is better than no peace, first of all. And coming from our Most High Lord God, how could you say what He gives is not good enough for you? He knows exactly what we need, when we need it. So while I may not fully understand what He's doing with me, it's okay. Because I know what He does is good. I also may not feel like I'm filled to the brim with peace, but I do feel that I have enough to be able to seek and grasp that joy that I've been seeking for what seems like a lifetime. I think the main thing is that I feel like God is giving me the go-ahead. I can proceed, you know? I'm not taking one step forward and ten steps back anymore. It's one step forward, one step forward, one step forward. Man oh man, those steps are small. But I'm moving. And I'm not looking back. I'm thankful for what God is giving me in the here and now. He is more than praiseworthy. He deserves the best from us. Praise Him.
'Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.'
[2 Thessalonians 3:16]
August 22, 2009
Ch. 492 - What Christ "Did"
Last semester I was asked a question for a journal prompt: 'What did Christ do for you?' The best I could come up was saying something along the lines of "What didn't He do for me?' And even though I've honestly been thinking about this topic for quite some time now, it's as if my mind freezes up and I don't know what to say. I want something easy to be good enough, but it shouldn't be. I could go even further on taking the easy route and give the simplistic, Sunday school answer: everything. God did so much for mankind by giving us His Son. Not only did Christ provide the perfect example of what our lives should looks like, but through His death and resurrection He gave us life - true life. I really could go on and on about 'what Christ did' for me, but I'm pretty sure I don't have enough words in me to do so. Not to mention my life on this earth is finite and could end any moment. However, I will say this: Because Christ conquered the grave, I am not held down. I am free. I will have eternal life with Christ because I am not bound to hell by the chains of sin. Praise God for His grace, mercy, and love! There is so much to praise and thank God for because of what His Son did for us. It truly is incomprehensible. We will never be able to fully understand why God loves us so much... neither will we ever fully understand what He saved us from. I honestly don't think that I ever want to know, but the fact that He did indeed save us from darkness and death is mind-blowing. I don't even know what else to say. There's so much to say, but I just don't know how to say it. I think I'm going to have to leave it at that. God is good. Christ is good. All the time.
' "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." '
[Mark 10:45]
' "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." '
[Mark 10:45]
August 21, 2009
Ch. 491 - Margin
So I was cleaning out my inbox today and was going through some old devotionals. I found this one and, seeing how I start classes on Thursday, thought it pretty appropriate. I've promised myself that I'm going to procrastinate less this term and get the amount of sleep I need each night to function properly (eight hours - no more, no less). I don't want to get to feeling so overloaded that I just start going through the motions and don't put enough time in for what's truly important: spending time with my God.
'A lot of people are on overload and headed for a crash. Consider these statistics among U.S. citizens:
- People now sleep 2 1/2 fewer hours each night compared to people from one hundred years ago.
- The average work week is longer now than it was in the 1960s.
- The average office worker has 36 hours of work piled up on his or her desk. It takes three hours a week just to sort through it and find what we need.
- We spend eight months of our lives opening junk mail, two years of our lives playing phone tag with people who are too busy to answer, and five years waiting for people who are trying to do too much and are late for meetings.
We're a piled-on, stretched-to-the limit society; chronically rushed, chronically late, chronically exhausted. Many of us feel like Job did when he said, "I have no peace! I have no quiet! I have no rest! And trouble keeps coming" (Job 3:26, GWT). Overload comes when we have too much activity in our lives, too much change, too many choices, too much work, too much debt, too much media exposure.
Dr. Richard Swenson says, "The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you're homeless we direct you to a shelter. If you're penniless we offer you food stamps. If you're breathless we connect you to oxygen. But if you're marginless we give you one more thing to do. Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the hairdresser because you were ten minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from a gas station and you forgot your purse. That's marginless."
You need margin in your life. When you're not hurrying and worrying all the time, you have time to think. Time to relax. Time to enjoy life. Time to be still and know that God is God (Psalm 46:10).'
'A lot of people are on overload and headed for a crash. Consider these statistics among U.S. citizens:
- People now sleep 2 1/2 fewer hours each night compared to people from one hundred years ago.
- The average work week is longer now than it was in the 1960s.
- The average office worker has 36 hours of work piled up on his or her desk. It takes three hours a week just to sort through it and find what we need.
- We spend eight months of our lives opening junk mail, two years of our lives playing phone tag with people who are too busy to answer, and five years waiting for people who are trying to do too much and are late for meetings.
We're a piled-on, stretched-to-the limit society; chronically rushed, chronically late, chronically exhausted. Many of us feel like Job did when he said, "I have no peace! I have no quiet! I have no rest! And trouble keeps coming" (Job 3:26, GWT). Overload comes when we have too much activity in our lives, too much change, too many choices, too much work, too much debt, too much media exposure.
Dr. Richard Swenson says, "The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you're homeless we direct you to a shelter. If you're penniless we offer you food stamps. If you're breathless we connect you to oxygen. But if you're marginless we give you one more thing to do. Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the hairdresser because you were ten minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from a gas station and you forgot your purse. That's marginless."
You need margin in your life. When you're not hurrying and worrying all the time, you have time to think. Time to relax. Time to enjoy life. Time to be still and know that God is God (Psalm 46:10).'
August 20, 2009
Ch. 490 - Utopia
'In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.'
[Genesis 1:1]
'For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]
The world was created by and for God, and God was for the world. God is for the world. This place that God created was, in a sense, ideal. There was no evil to be known. There was no violence. There was no terror. There was no war. The world that God created was peaceful, serene, and lush with life. Simply put, the world was beautiful. God created man for interpersonal relationship. God knew man, and man was to know God. Man, however, had to... mess up. Granted, it was all part of God's plan, but why? I mean, the world was perfect... But since the fall of man, mankind has been immersed in sin. Mankind is also surrounded by hatred. There have been crises, uprisings, downfalls, and death. It seems as if there has been little harmony in the world since its creation. However, there have been people who have focused on - even obsessed over - the idea of creating and living in a once-again ideal, harmonic world... one much like the world that God first created for man. For you. For me. But throughout this seemingly subtle pursuit of heaven on earth, or paradise, more trouble has been caused than anything. "Free will" and laws [designed by man] are out of sync with God's intended way of life, and thus create anarchy, disorder, and societal disasters. Even so, many continue to live in hope that the world can be changed and turned back into the world that God first created: a place of proportion, peace, and perfection. This place, called by many Utopia, may or may not ever exist. I wonder how far man would go in attempt to create and attain this so-called paradise on earth. Probably pretty far... the thing is, it can't be done without Christ in the picture. This is something we should be thankful for. If it weren't the case, there's no telling what Utopia would look like - or what the world will end up looking like before Christ comes again.
[Genesis 1:1]
'For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]
The world was created by and for God, and God was for the world. God is for the world. This place that God created was, in a sense, ideal. There was no evil to be known. There was no violence. There was no terror. There was no war. The world that God created was peaceful, serene, and lush with life. Simply put, the world was beautiful. God created man for interpersonal relationship. God knew man, and man was to know God. Man, however, had to... mess up. Granted, it was all part of God's plan, but why? I mean, the world was perfect... But since the fall of man, mankind has been immersed in sin. Mankind is also surrounded by hatred. There have been crises, uprisings, downfalls, and death. It seems as if there has been little harmony in the world since its creation. However, there have been people who have focused on - even obsessed over - the idea of creating and living in a once-again ideal, harmonic world... one much like the world that God first created for man. For you. For me. But throughout this seemingly subtle pursuit of heaven on earth, or paradise, more trouble has been caused than anything. "Free will" and laws [designed by man] are out of sync with God's intended way of life, and thus create anarchy, disorder, and societal disasters. Even so, many continue to live in hope that the world can be changed and turned back into the world that God first created: a place of proportion, peace, and perfection. This place, called by many Utopia, may or may not ever exist. I wonder how far man would go in attempt to create and attain this so-called paradise on earth. Probably pretty far... the thing is, it can't be done without Christ in the picture. This is something we should be thankful for. If it weren't the case, there's no telling what Utopia would look like - or what the world will end up looking like before Christ comes again.
August 19, 2009
Ch. 489 - ¿¿Any Questions??
I wonder how many questions I have been asked and will be asked over my lifetime. Questions about God. Life. Fears. Boyzzz. Dreams/Nightmares. Expectations. Faith. School. Baby carrots. Heaven/Hell. Interests. Family. Gossip. Failures. Black holes/Quasars. You know. The usual good question topics. Here's the thing, though. Some questions are obviously less involved. The basic, non-investigative questions that can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' seem to be pretty popular with people these days [I'm holding myself back on this today - lucky you]. But there are some questions that can be discussed for quite a length of time, and will be discussed more than once, even. It's no mystery that there are questions that don't technically have an answer. We can try as hard as we want to answer the questions that we think should have an absolute answer. But whether we like it or not, sometimes they are simply not going to be answered… the subject matter may actually be quite inexplicable.
These questions I speak of are not like math problems. You can’t start at step one with a formula or an equation and solve it step-by-step. You’re not going to find answers in any proofs, no matter how many times you try and work it out - even backwards. No, these questions are more like art. You start out with a basic idea of where you want to go or where you think things should go. As time passes, you add a little something here – a bit of extra there – you go back and paint over something you don’t like anymore. And then, perhaps even before you expect it, you’re done. You set it out on display and people come to view it. You discuss it and explain it to the viewers, but even so, sometimes they just don’t get it… even if they think they see the [whole] picture. They then become so set on what they "see" that they fail to open their minds and comprehend the meaning of the painting.
I think people get so hung up on questions and answers. There is so much more to life than arguing about certain things - especially about topic matter that we will technically never fully understand. I am completely for searching out truths and for bringing up things we as finite people are curious about. But when it gets to the point where people become obsessed, defensive, and bitter... well, naturally, it then becomes a problem. Questions that make you think and challenge you - especially in areas such as your faith - are wonderful. We just shouldn't get so hung up on the unknown and thinking that we need to know everything. Knowledge may be power, but it's not the most important thing in the world. I wonder how many men have wasted away their lives searching for answers to meaningless questions.
'For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.'
[Proverbs 2:10-11]
These questions I speak of are not like math problems. You can’t start at step one with a formula or an equation and solve it step-by-step. You’re not going to find answers in any proofs, no matter how many times you try and work it out - even backwards. No, these questions are more like art. You start out with a basic idea of where you want to go or where you think things should go. As time passes, you add a little something here – a bit of extra there – you go back and paint over something you don’t like anymore. And then, perhaps even before you expect it, you’re done. You set it out on display and people come to view it. You discuss it and explain it to the viewers, but even so, sometimes they just don’t get it… even if they think they see the [whole] picture. They then become so set on what they "see" that they fail to open their minds and comprehend the meaning of the painting.
I think people get so hung up on questions and answers. There is so much more to life than arguing about certain things - especially about topic matter that we will technically never fully understand. I am completely for searching out truths and for bringing up things we as finite people are curious about. But when it gets to the point where people become obsessed, defensive, and bitter... well, naturally, it then becomes a problem. Questions that make you think and challenge you - especially in areas such as your faith - are wonderful. We just shouldn't get so hung up on the unknown and thinking that we need to know everything. Knowledge may be power, but it's not the most important thing in the world. I wonder how many men have wasted away their lives searching for answers to meaningless questions.
'For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.'
[Proverbs 2:10-11]
August 18, 2009
Ch. 488 - Baaaaaa...
This may sound somewhat strange to just say outright, but I love reading about sheep in the Bible - especially lost sheep. I think it's important to remember that Christ is our Shepherd. He watches over us. He guides us. He protects us. We are like sheep in that we sometimes go astray and that we need guidance. We need to be led. We like to believe that we'll be fine on our own, but that is not realistic. Without guidance, we will be lost. We want to go explore the whole world - after all, the grass is greener on the other side, right? And I think that's perfectly fine... as long as we don't go running along so quickly that our eagerness gets us into trouble. We need help. We need counsel. Jesus gives us all these things as our Shepherd. He keeps our best interests at heart. He may let us wander off on our own for a bit, but when things become too risky, too dangerous, He guides us back to where He can fully "see" us. Shepherds protect their sheep. They are willing to give their lives for their sheep, as shown to us in John 10:11:
' "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." '
Christ gave His life for His sheep, us. As our Shepherd, we know Him and He knows us. I think we are also like sheep in that we are created with a purpose. For example, sheep are raised for their wool, usually. We have purpose[s], too. For some, it's to teach. For others, it's to proclaim the Gospel in other countries. Still for others, it's to simply love others and plant seeds. We do these things under the constant guidance of our Shepherd, who loves us and takes care of us... even when we get to those points in life at which we don't think He's watching.
'Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.'
[Psalm 100:3]
' "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." '
Christ gave His life for His sheep, us. As our Shepherd, we know Him and He knows us. I think we are also like sheep in that we are created with a purpose. For example, sheep are raised for their wool, usually. We have purpose[s], too. For some, it's to teach. For others, it's to proclaim the Gospel in other countries. Still for others, it's to simply love others and plant seeds. We do these things under the constant guidance of our Shepherd, who loves us and takes care of us... even when we get to those points in life at which we don't think He's watching.
'Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.'
[Psalm 100:3]
August 17, 2009
Ch. 487 - Leaving the Safe Zone
I think that humility should be wanted, but not sought. If one is humble, something they lack may be pride or arrogance. They could be considered to be on a lower level than most others. But you know, we are such a prideful people. It is our nature to want to be on a higher level than others. Some of the reasoning behind that is the fact that we have a survival instinct. If you are on a higher level, we are [most likely] wealthy, powerful, and influential. The more you are of at least one of these things, the better chance you have of not being stepped on or taken out.
You're safe.
Unfortunately, pride or arrogance usually border these higher levels, which could be considered "safe zones". So it can be challenging to want to be humble.
Who naturally wants to be low?
Who wants to serve others?
Who wants to be the least and last?
Who wants to help without the need for recognition or acknowledgment?
We have to be willing to put others before ourselves - which, again, goes against our survival instincts. But we can't survive on our own, anyway; we truly need to rely on God. I think humility is, however, a key factor of being a servant of Christ. Humility keeps us on our toes. I think it comes to us without our realizing it. And of course, being humbled by God can be a difficult experience, but God knows what's best for us and He wants to help us in anything and everything. If that means humbling us to put us in our rightful places, then so be it. We aren't likely to do that ourselves, so we need all the help we can get. Once people understand that they can't put their own interests and selves before God and others, I think life will become much easier for others. When we're not so concerned with the way things "need to" or "should" go so that we can get ahead, things seem to just fall in place. Being humble and serving others in a Christlike manner doesn't mean that we're not going to have challenges, of course. Living a worshipful, Christ-centered life is no cakewalk. However, it does have its benefits and rewards. But first you need to step out of your safe zone. Recognize that you are not perfect. And understand that the world does not revolve around you.
' "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." '
[Luke 18:10-14]
You're safe.
Unfortunately, pride or arrogance usually border these higher levels, which could be considered "safe zones". So it can be challenging to want to be humble.
Who naturally wants to be low?
Who wants to serve others?
Who wants to be the least and last?
Who wants to help without the need for recognition or acknowledgment?
We have to be willing to put others before ourselves - which, again, goes against our survival instincts. But we can't survive on our own, anyway; we truly need to rely on God. I think humility is, however, a key factor of being a servant of Christ. Humility keeps us on our toes. I think it comes to us without our realizing it. And of course, being humbled by God can be a difficult experience, but God knows what's best for us and He wants to help us in anything and everything. If that means humbling us to put us in our rightful places, then so be it. We aren't likely to do that ourselves, so we need all the help we can get. Once people understand that they can't put their own interests and selves before God and others, I think life will become much easier for others. When we're not so concerned with the way things "need to" or "should" go so that we can get ahead, things seem to just fall in place. Being humble and serving others in a Christlike manner doesn't mean that we're not going to have challenges, of course. Living a worshipful, Christ-centered life is no cakewalk. However, it does have its benefits and rewards. But first you need to step out of your safe zone. Recognize that you are not perfect. And understand that the world does not revolve around you.
' "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." '
[Luke 18:10-14]
August 16, 2009
Ch. 486 - An Accumulation
I was deleting some documents from my computer just now and found this. I don't remember how I acquired it, but there it was. I didn't put these verses together, but it was wonderful to read through them.
Creation: God spoke it into existence. Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Obey God's word. Seek Him first. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Lay down your life for your brother. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Look after orphans and widows. Pray for one another. Give to all who ask. Let your mouth overflow with praise with thanksgiving. Trust in the Lord. Mourn with those who mourn. Love your enemies. Store up His commands in your heart. Have childlike faith. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Acknowledge Christ in everything. Get wisdom. Guard your heart. Rejoice in your sufferings. Guard your lips. Walk with the wise. Do not fear. Forget the former things. Delight in the Lord. Bow down in worship. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be controlled by the Spirit. Offer your body as a living sacrifice to God. Be a peacemaker. Comfort others with the comfort you received. Press on towards the goal. Honor God with your body. Stand firm in your faith. Set your hearts on things above. Fix your eyes on what is eternal not temporary. Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Boast about your weaknesses. Clothe yourselves with kindness and compassion. Build others up. Be completely humble and gentle with one another. Be rooted and built up in Christ. Put off your old self. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Focus on what is pure and lovely. Be imitators of God. Be holy. Put on the full armor of God. Bear with one another. Let the word of Christ dwell in you. Do what the Word says. Sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs to one another. Grow in the grace and knowledge of God. Do nothing out of selfish ambition. Work at whatever you do with all your heart. Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. Run your race with perseverance. Be clear minded and self controlled. Love one another.
Creation: God spoke it into existence. Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Obey God's word. Seek Him first. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Lay down your life for your brother. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Look after orphans and widows. Pray for one another. Give to all who ask. Let your mouth overflow with praise with thanksgiving. Trust in the Lord. Mourn with those who mourn. Love your enemies. Store up His commands in your heart. Have childlike faith. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Acknowledge Christ in everything. Get wisdom. Guard your heart. Rejoice in your sufferings. Guard your lips. Walk with the wise. Do not fear. Forget the former things. Delight in the Lord. Bow down in worship. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be controlled by the Spirit. Offer your body as a living sacrifice to God. Be a peacemaker. Comfort others with the comfort you received. Press on towards the goal. Honor God with your body. Stand firm in your faith. Set your hearts on things above. Fix your eyes on what is eternal not temporary. Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Boast about your weaknesses. Clothe yourselves with kindness and compassion. Build others up. Be completely humble and gentle with one another. Be rooted and built up in Christ. Put off your old self. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Focus on what is pure and lovely. Be imitators of God. Be holy. Put on the full armor of God. Bear with one another. Let the word of Christ dwell in you. Do what the Word says. Sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs to one another. Grow in the grace and knowledge of God. Do nothing out of selfish ambition. Work at whatever you do with all your heart. Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. Run your race with perseverance. Be clear minded and self controlled. Love one another.
August 15, 2009
Ch. 485 - Start Your Engines!
I know it's not August 24. But I'm back. It's [only] been twenty days. I really should have stopped writing earlier (like the beginning of the summer...), but it's been beneficial to not have written for three weeks. I really feel that the time has come to just... start over. Things happen. People change. Lessons are learned. But God remains faithful. And good. And gracious.
I love that.
(Who wouldn't?)
Moving on, a branch of my life is dead and I am alive in Christ. Free. I'm more than ready to move forward and take life one day at a time once again. Because whatever "it" may be - it is so much bigger than I am. This world, this life, this call, this beautiful Creator I say is my God. Selfish desires and pride shouldn't fit into the picture, yet sadly enough they do. But you know, I think it's a good thing. We get so worked up and push God so far out of our minds that we don't realize we were ever on the cliff's edge until we're falling. What pushed you? Those desires. That pride. Sin. Soon enough, we find ourselves hitting rock bottom. Hurts, doesn't it? Yet praise be - we have Someone to help pick us up and brush the dirt off of us. He's especially good at ridding our hearts of the muck and grime that it's accumulated over time. What a humbling experience. Sin enables us to have reality checks. I mean, without sin, wouldn't we be living in [essentially] a perfect world? We are reminded of our inadequacy and unworthiness through sin and falling down. Because whether you believe it or not, you will fall eventually. And it will be more or less difficult to get back up, depending on how willing you are to turn to God and trust Him to help you. You can't do everything on your own. You simply can't. We like to think we're superheroes. "I can do anything." "No one can touch me." Guess what? It's not true. My apologies to the big executives of multi-billion dollar corporations and to the perfect-casserole-making soccer moms.
We need God.
We need God all the time.
Not only when our child is being baptized.
Not right after our college years, when we "grow up".
Not on our deathbed, right before we die.
We need Him now and forever.
That's what it comes down to.
And we need to love Him.
Because He loves us.
Have you ever given love to someone and felt you didn't receive love in return?
Not exactly a picnic in the park.
God's love is indefinite. Unconditional. It's a perfect love.
He loves us no matter what.
We have nothing to lose by loving Him.
So I wonder how much it hurts God when we don't love Him.
I wonder how much it hurts when we push Him away, time and time again.
God may not need us, but that doesn't mean He doesn't want our love or that He doesn't want to be our Everything to and for us.
'Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!'
[Isaiah 30:18]
I love that.
(Who wouldn't?)
Moving on, a branch of my life is dead and I am alive in Christ. Free. I'm more than ready to move forward and take life one day at a time once again. Because whatever "it" may be - it is so much bigger than I am. This world, this life, this call, this beautiful Creator I say is my God. Selfish desires and pride shouldn't fit into the picture, yet sadly enough they do. But you know, I think it's a good thing. We get so worked up and push God so far out of our minds that we don't realize we were ever on the cliff's edge until we're falling. What pushed you? Those desires. That pride. Sin. Soon enough, we find ourselves hitting rock bottom. Hurts, doesn't it? Yet praise be - we have Someone to help pick us up and brush the dirt off of us. He's especially good at ridding our hearts of the muck and grime that it's accumulated over time. What a humbling experience. Sin enables us to have reality checks. I mean, without sin, wouldn't we be living in [essentially] a perfect world? We are reminded of our inadequacy and unworthiness through sin and falling down. Because whether you believe it or not, you will fall eventually. And it will be more or less difficult to get back up, depending on how willing you are to turn to God and trust Him to help you. You can't do everything on your own. You simply can't. We like to think we're superheroes. "I can do anything." "No one can touch me." Guess what? It's not true. My apologies to the big executives of multi-billion dollar corporations and to the perfect-casserole-making soccer moms.
We need God.
We need God all the time.
Not only when our child is being baptized.
Not right after our college years, when we "grow up".
Not on our deathbed, right before we die.
We need Him now and forever.
That's what it comes down to.
And we need to love Him.
Because He loves us.
Have you ever given love to someone and felt you didn't receive love in return?
Not exactly a picnic in the park.
God's love is indefinite. Unconditional. It's a perfect love.
He loves us no matter what.
We have nothing to lose by loving Him.
So I wonder how much it hurts God when we don't love Him.
I wonder how much it hurts when we push Him away, time and time again.
God may not need us, but that doesn't mean He doesn't want our love or that He doesn't want to be our Everything to and for us.
'Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!'
[Isaiah 30:18]
July 25, 2009
Ch. 484 - The Hiatus
I have decided to take a break from blogging. I return to CCCB on August 24 and will not, until then, be writing [online, at least]. At this point in time it's really the best decision. My heart's not in the right place and I really just... don't care. The motivation's not there - and neither is the true pursuit. I don't want to do things halfheartedly anymore. Thus, until I am able to consistently put my all into everything I do, I'm not going to try and make things work. Because they simply won't. I seem to be realizing that all the more these days.
'So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.'
[Romans 14:22-23]
'So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.'
[Romans 14:22-23]
July 24, 2009
Ch. 483 - Making Choices
'Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." '
[Mark 8:34-35]
[Mark 8:34-35]
July 23, 2009
Ch. 482 - Knowledge of God
'My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.'
[Proverbs 2:1-5]
[Proverbs 2:1-5]
July 22, 2009
Ch. 481 - Starting Over
After having sought advice from a handful of God-loving, truth-seeking people, I feel much better. I do have people looking out for me and have my best interest at heart. So even though what some of them said stung a little, I knew it was for the best; it made me realize all the more that I needed help and, as we all know, sometimes the truth hurts.
I spoke today with Jeremy, a dear friend whom I have not had contact with since the end of the school year and he really pushed me to get into the Word, seek out God's will to the best of my ability and pray, pray, pray. He also reminded me to be aware of my attitude, which is incredibly important. His homework assignment for me was to pray, read Job 22:21-30, and then whatever else I felt called to read. Just spend time with God, really, and so that's what I've been doing. Finally.
Anyway. After reading the bit of Job, which speaks of submission and returning to God - oh boy - I contemplated what to read next. I kept thinking about the word "mirror". I spoke with another friend yesterday and I sort of went through a reality check while he was talking at one point. I had heard him say this before, but he said something along the lines of, "I would look in the mirror and just hate who I saw." He would think that he was stupid and worthless and that there was really just no reason to live. I'm not going to lie. I've done the same thing and thought the same things. And while my angst and depression has never been anywhere as deep as his was at one point or another, it resonated soundly within me and I realized that if I kept going down the path that I recently started down, I could possibly end up in a hole just as deep as his had been. So I've decided to really start reflecting on who I am and what kind of person God has created me to be. And to not be afraid of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I mean, people change. God refines us, you know?
So this is why I've been thinking about mirrors. I knew there was a verse that speaks of a mirror in James, but couldn't remember which one. I checked my concordance and found the following:
'Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does.'
[James 1:22-25]
This was really convicting. Even James 1:21 says, '[Therefore,] get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.'
So this verse even more so reiterated something Jeremy told me in regards to putting on the armor of God and using Scripture as my sword against sin. Fantastic, right? And in verses 22-25, I couldn't help but be pleased with the fact that we should not just listen to the word but do what it says, which is really what everything seems to be coming down to for me. It's just interesting how one thing can lead to another, even coming from different people, so that God leads you to Him and then speaks to you through His word.
I spoke today with Jeremy, a dear friend whom I have not had contact with since the end of the school year and he really pushed me to get into the Word, seek out God's will to the best of my ability and pray, pray, pray. He also reminded me to be aware of my attitude, which is incredibly important. His homework assignment for me was to pray, read Job 22:21-30, and then whatever else I felt called to read. Just spend time with God, really, and so that's what I've been doing. Finally.
Anyway. After reading the bit of Job, which speaks of submission and returning to God - oh boy - I contemplated what to read next. I kept thinking about the word "mirror". I spoke with another friend yesterday and I sort of went through a reality check while he was talking at one point. I had heard him say this before, but he said something along the lines of, "I would look in the mirror and just hate who I saw." He would think that he was stupid and worthless and that there was really just no reason to live. I'm not going to lie. I've done the same thing and thought the same things. And while my angst and depression has never been anywhere as deep as his was at one point or another, it resonated soundly within me and I realized that if I kept going down the path that I recently started down, I could possibly end up in a hole just as deep as his had been. So I've decided to really start reflecting on who I am and what kind of person God has created me to be. And to not be afraid of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I mean, people change. God refines us, you know?
So this is why I've been thinking about mirrors. I knew there was a verse that speaks of a mirror in James, but couldn't remember which one. I checked my concordance and found the following:
'Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does.'
[James 1:22-25]
This was really convicting. Even James 1:21 says, '[Therefore,] get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.'
So this verse even more so reiterated something Jeremy told me in regards to putting on the armor of God and using Scripture as my sword against sin. Fantastic, right? And in verses 22-25, I couldn't help but be pleased with the fact that we should not just listen to the word but do what it says, which is really what everything seems to be coming down to for me. It's just interesting how one thing can lead to another, even coming from different people, so that God leads you to Him and then speaks to you through His word.
July 21, 2009
Ch. 480 - Lackadaisical
' "If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor my name," says the Lord Almighty, "I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor me." '
[Malachi 2:2]
'You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.'
[James 4:4]
You can do better than that.
I'm asking for a greater push, basically.
Waiting.
[Malachi 2:2]
'You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.'
[James 4:4]
You can do better than that.
I'm asking for a greater push, basically.
Waiting.
July 20, 2009
Ch. 479 - Back to Basics
Alright. Yeah, I lied. Well, I suppose I shall pick up where I left off. Chapter 479 - Back to Basics.
Here's the deal.
I don't want to lie to myself [or anyone else, for that matter] anymore, and I don't want to put up a wall, or a pretty façade. I'm not right with God. At all. I know, I know... "I'm a sinner, we all are, but I'm forgiven..." etc., etc., etc. We've all heard it before. And so maybe that's why it becomes easier to ignore sin as it takes hold of us; we subconsciously know that by God's grace He makes things okay for us. We may not be able to overcome sin, but we can certainly become numb to it. But I'm not necessarily thinking a lot about sin, it just sort of popped into my head.
So anyway.
I said I'm not right with God. And it's true.
I'm living this ugly, tiring life consisting of a few days going well [faith wise, that is], a couple weeks going not so well. I'm really disappointing myself. I tend to hold high expectations of myself and set standards and goals to be met. I thought this summer was going to be a fantastic time of growth - and not just for myself, but for my friends and peers, as well. I've been praying for them and what ministries they're involved with. I've been learning about what they've been doing and how God is working in their lives. And I’m happy for them. Excited, even.
But I feel like my life is a complete mess.
I really do.
How have I begun to put it… ? Something along the lines of ‘I keep thinking more about the world and what I can get out of it, rather than thinking about Christ and what I can receive from God.’ It’s true. Sure, we are all conformists to the world and could always think more about Christ and “set our minds on things above”, but I just feel that I’m so far out of orbit that there’s no coming back down. My attitude and outlook on a lot of things have changed. My thoughts - going five thousand miles an hour, of course – are definitely not centered on Christ. I am constantly on the brink of giving into temptation. I feel forgotten, anxious, irritated, even nervous. Just… different. I mean, I could really go on and on, but I feel like I have to actually censor what I say. Gahhh. I almost wish I hadn't started this blog. I have such a love/hate relationship with it. I love being able to quickly jot down what I'm thinking and what's been on my heart and just getting it out there, but now that I've been doing it for a year and a half, it's like a chore at times. And knowing that people read it can be such a source of pride. I might as well just stick to using Microsoft Word or something. Because I love to write, I just don't have the desire to jot down everything by hand these days. Typing is so much quicker. Man. Am I a girl of the late 20th/21st century or what?
… Talk about tangents. Whew.
So to recap: censorship. I don't like it. I may even start a new blog and not tell anyone about it, or make it private. We’ll see.
Moving on, if I were to have someone that I feel I could trust and talk to about everything and anything - God doesn't count - I think I would be better off. I can pray, talk to God, and read my Bible all I want, but there’s something about being able to speak with a tangible being that I feel is important. And I mean, I've always wanted a mentor/accountability partner and have prayed like you wouldn't believe for one, but have never felt like God gave me someone to approach or anything.
… Dang it. See? Another lie. He did, I was just too stubborn and prideful to admit it and actually go anywhere with the opportunity. And, of course, now I regret it. It's just a never-ending cycle with me. I start at Point A, feeling sub-point 1, which leads me to feeling sub-point 2, which brings me to Point B, feeling sub-point 3, which leads me to feeling sub-point 4, which brings me back to Point A. It's terrible. It really is.
But here's the thing: I don't care.
I couldn't tell you how many times I've thought or said aloud those three words in the last two weeks. I've described my feelings to a few people by saying 'I regret a few of my decisions, but I don't want to move forward.' I'm fine where I am in the world. But with God, I'm not fine. And I know it needs to be one or the other, but right now I don't want to go back to where I was this past school year. I can skip, jump, and play – quite easily, I might add – on the wide path. Right? But that’s not the path that leads to life, as said in Matthew 7:13-14. And so I have to die to self day after day. It’s not easy, but it’s the right thing to do. However, even as I realize this, I have to ask myself “Why?”
Why do I think it’s the right thing to do?
Why do I need to die to self every day?
Why do I have to traverse the narrow path?
Why do I make the decisions that I do?
Why do I go to Bible college?
Why do I want to be a missionary?
Why do I believe what I do?
And what is it that I truly believe, anyway?
I look at these questions as both good and bad.
Good, in the sense that I’m pushing myself to make my faith my own.
Bad, in the sense that I’m greatly needing a challenge.
You may think that there’s nothing wrong with needing to be challenged, but in my mind there is. You see, the last time I felt the need to be greatly challenged and wanted something new, I completely turned away from Christ and came to believe false truths. Granted, it was the realization that my “new” life was a complete lie that led me back into God’s arms [Who in turn brought me to Central, etc.], but still. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel like I have so much to learn. But what is it, exactly, that I will end up learning? I mean, I want to completely start anew. I “believe” what I do because most of it is what I’ve been taught. Only a couple layers of my foundation were poured based on experience. And not only that, but I also feel that my foundation is very weak. I feel as if I’ve missed out on a lot over the years. I feel that some selfish decisions were made – not on my part – that put a halt to my journey, and then later, some stubborn decisions were made – completely on my part – that did not make the continuation of my journey very smooth. My checkpoints and transitions have been very choppy. They’ve been so rough that it’s wreaked havoc on my foundation. And so now I’m feeling the effects of said transitions. It’s as if my foundation is crumbling before my very eyes.
I’m confused.
That’s all.
And I don’t know where to go from here.
Perhaps that’s why I keep thinking that I don’t want to move forward.
I just don’t know which way to turn and take the first step.
Thus said, I do feel the need to go back to basics. It’s not like I need to “find myself” – that’s so cliché. It’s more like I need to find absolute truth[s]. And I think those truths will refine me; hopefully everything will then fall into place. Until then, I don’t know what will happen. I think I may just take a few chances and let the die fall where they may. Nobody’s perfect. You learn from mistakes. So here we go.
Here's the deal.
I don't want to lie to myself [or anyone else, for that matter] anymore, and I don't want to put up a wall, or a pretty façade. I'm not right with God. At all. I know, I know... "I'm a sinner, we all are, but I'm forgiven..." etc., etc., etc. We've all heard it before. And so maybe that's why it becomes easier to ignore sin as it takes hold of us; we subconsciously know that by God's grace He makes things okay for us. We may not be able to overcome sin, but we can certainly become numb to it. But I'm not necessarily thinking a lot about sin, it just sort of popped into my head.
So anyway.
I said I'm not right with God. And it's true.
I'm living this ugly, tiring life consisting of a few days going well [faith wise, that is], a couple weeks going not so well. I'm really disappointing myself. I tend to hold high expectations of myself and set standards and goals to be met. I thought this summer was going to be a fantastic time of growth - and not just for myself, but for my friends and peers, as well. I've been praying for them and what ministries they're involved with. I've been learning about what they've been doing and how God is working in their lives. And I’m happy for them. Excited, even.
But I feel like my life is a complete mess.
I really do.
How have I begun to put it… ? Something along the lines of ‘I keep thinking more about the world and what I can get out of it, rather than thinking about Christ and what I can receive from God.’ It’s true. Sure, we are all conformists to the world and could always think more about Christ and “set our minds on things above”, but I just feel that I’m so far out of orbit that there’s no coming back down. My attitude and outlook on a lot of things have changed. My thoughts - going five thousand miles an hour, of course – are definitely not centered on Christ. I am constantly on the brink of giving into temptation. I feel forgotten, anxious, irritated, even nervous. Just… different. I mean, I could really go on and on, but I feel like I have to actually censor what I say. Gahhh. I almost wish I hadn't started this blog. I have such a love/hate relationship with it. I love being able to quickly jot down what I'm thinking and what's been on my heart and just getting it out there, but now that I've been doing it for a year and a half, it's like a chore at times. And knowing that people read it can be such a source of pride. I might as well just stick to using Microsoft Word or something. Because I love to write, I just don't have the desire to jot down everything by hand these days. Typing is so much quicker. Man. Am I a girl of the late 20th/21st century or what?
… Talk about tangents. Whew.
So to recap: censorship. I don't like it. I may even start a new blog and not tell anyone about it, or make it private. We’ll see.
Moving on, if I were to have someone that I feel I could trust and talk to about everything and anything - God doesn't count - I think I would be better off. I can pray, talk to God, and read my Bible all I want, but there’s something about being able to speak with a tangible being that I feel is important. And I mean, I've always wanted a mentor/accountability partner and have prayed like you wouldn't believe for one, but have never felt like God gave me someone to approach or anything.
… Dang it. See? Another lie. He did, I was just too stubborn and prideful to admit it and actually go anywhere with the opportunity. And, of course, now I regret it. It's just a never-ending cycle with me. I start at Point A, feeling sub-point 1, which leads me to feeling sub-point 2, which brings me to Point B, feeling sub-point 3, which leads me to feeling sub-point 4, which brings me back to Point A. It's terrible. It really is.
But here's the thing: I don't care.
I couldn't tell you how many times I've thought or said aloud those three words in the last two weeks. I've described my feelings to a few people by saying 'I regret a few of my decisions, but I don't want to move forward.' I'm fine where I am in the world. But with God, I'm not fine. And I know it needs to be one or the other, but right now I don't want to go back to where I was this past school year. I can skip, jump, and play – quite easily, I might add – on the wide path. Right? But that’s not the path that leads to life, as said in Matthew 7:13-14. And so I have to die to self day after day. It’s not easy, but it’s the right thing to do. However, even as I realize this, I have to ask myself “Why?”
Why do I think it’s the right thing to do?
Why do I need to die to self every day?
Why do I have to traverse the narrow path?
Why do I make the decisions that I do?
Why do I go to Bible college?
Why do I want to be a missionary?
Why do I believe what I do?
And what is it that I truly believe, anyway?
I look at these questions as both good and bad.
Good, in the sense that I’m pushing myself to make my faith my own.
Bad, in the sense that I’m greatly needing a challenge.
You may think that there’s nothing wrong with needing to be challenged, but in my mind there is. You see, the last time I felt the need to be greatly challenged and wanted something new, I completely turned away from Christ and came to believe false truths. Granted, it was the realization that my “new” life was a complete lie that led me back into God’s arms [Who in turn brought me to Central, etc.], but still. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel like I have so much to learn. But what is it, exactly, that I will end up learning? I mean, I want to completely start anew. I “believe” what I do because most of it is what I’ve been taught. Only a couple layers of my foundation were poured based on experience. And not only that, but I also feel that my foundation is very weak. I feel as if I’ve missed out on a lot over the years. I feel that some selfish decisions were made – not on my part – that put a halt to my journey, and then later, some stubborn decisions were made – completely on my part – that did not make the continuation of my journey very smooth. My checkpoints and transitions have been very choppy. They’ve been so rough that it’s wreaked havoc on my foundation. And so now I’m feeling the effects of said transitions. It’s as if my foundation is crumbling before my very eyes.
I’m confused.
That’s all.
And I don’t know where to go from here.
Perhaps that’s why I keep thinking that I don’t want to move forward.
I just don’t know which way to turn and take the first step.
Thus said, I do feel the need to go back to basics. It’s not like I need to “find myself” – that’s so cliché. It’s more like I need to find absolute truth[s]. And I think those truths will refine me; hopefully everything will then fall into place. Until then, I don’t know what will happen. I think I may just take a few chances and let the die fall where they may. Nobody’s perfect. You learn from mistakes. So here we go.
July 19, 2009
July 18, 2009
July 17, 2009
Ch. 478 - Reminded
'Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.'
[1 Peter 3:8]
[1 Peter 3:8]
July 16, 2009
Ch. 475 - Blessed or Cursed?
'For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees, and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.'
[Deuteronomy 30:16]
In this verse Moses is speaking to the Israelites. He has just renewed the covenant and told them of the prosperity they will obtain after turning to the Lord. The verses after verse sixteen go on to say that by turning away from the Lord results in destruction. Death. Curses. So essentially you can choose either life or death. You can see a parallelism in the New Testament, in choosing to believe in Christ and accepting Him into your heart. You choose Christ, you have eternal life. You deny Christ, you don't. You choose Christ, you 'love the Lord your God' and 'walk in His ways' and you will thrive. You will have joy, you will have peace, you will have mercy, grace, and love. Not only from God for yourself, but for others, as well. But if you deny Christ, game's over. It's a harsh reality, but it's true. You can "have fun", live a "good" life here on earth, and consider yourself blessed. But in reality, you're giving yourself to the world, not to God, and you will reap the consequences after life on earth. Turn to God. Take up your cross. Ask for forgiveness. Seek truth. God's blessings are boundless. But you can't expect to receive them by putting anything or anyone before the Lord. Choose what path you're going to take: the narrow, challenging path that leads you to life, or the wide, easy path that leads you nowhere.
[Deuteronomy 30:16]
In this verse Moses is speaking to the Israelites. He has just renewed the covenant and told them of the prosperity they will obtain after turning to the Lord. The verses after verse sixteen go on to say that by turning away from the Lord results in destruction. Death. Curses. So essentially you can choose either life or death. You can see a parallelism in the New Testament, in choosing to believe in Christ and accepting Him into your heart. You choose Christ, you have eternal life. You deny Christ, you don't. You choose Christ, you 'love the Lord your God' and 'walk in His ways' and you will thrive. You will have joy, you will have peace, you will have mercy, grace, and love. Not only from God for yourself, but for others, as well. But if you deny Christ, game's over. It's a harsh reality, but it's true. You can "have fun", live a "good" life here on earth, and consider yourself blessed. But in reality, you're giving yourself to the world, not to God, and you will reap the consequences after life on earth. Turn to God. Take up your cross. Ask for forgiveness. Seek truth. God's blessings are boundless. But you can't expect to receive them by putting anything or anyone before the Lord. Choose what path you're going to take: the narrow, challenging path that leads you to life, or the wide, easy path that leads you nowhere.
July 15, 2009
Ch. 474 - Anoint and Bestow
'The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.'
[Isaiah 61:1-3]
If only.
[Isaiah 61:1-3]
If only.
July 14, 2009
Ch. 473 - "Special" Effects
I wonder how often people know just what effect they have on others.
Is it pride if they do?
Is it humility if they don't?
Is it selfish to notice and then strive to do more of whatever it is that they do?
And, if it is in fact selfish, does giving God the "credit" and glory for said effects make everything alright?
I mean, as long as you're being selfish "for God" it's okay... right?
' "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." '
[Luke 21:33]
Is it pride if they do?
Is it humility if they don't?
Is it selfish to notice and then strive to do more of whatever it is that they do?
And, if it is in fact selfish, does giving God the "credit" and glory for said effects make everything alright?
I mean, as long as you're being selfish "for God" it's okay... right?
' "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." '
[Luke 21:33]
July 13, 2009
Ch. 472 - Change [Again]
Five days have come and passed.
I'm not making them up, blog-wise.
Why?
I'm at a point in my life where I keep thinking that nothing matters.
Not a good point to be, in my opinion.
For example, my thoughts are my thoughts.
And as of late, I feel as if that's how it should be.
They don't need to be shared.
Because I don't think that they matter.
Not even to myself, apparently:
I couldn't tell you how many hours have seemed to pass in the blink of an eye over the past few days. It's honestly as if I don't have a single, cohesive thought in my mind throughout those hours. Realizing this was not a pleasant experience. And thoughts did go through my mind after I snapped out of it, so to speak.
'I've gotta be losing it.'
'What's wrong with me?'
'This can't be right.'
'Am I mentally sound?'
And finally,
'Where is God in all this?'
[Cliché, yet reasonable, I figured.]
I then heard, "Yeah, Natalie... where am I?"
Good question.
I knew this was going to be the case.
I knew it was going to be difficult.
I knew I would have to work hard.
I knew obstacles would be present.
I knew, I knew, I knew.
So why am I so ill-prepared?
Why am I so lost?
Why am I so lonely?
Why am I so behind?
Am I giving all that I can give?
No.
Am I working as hard as I can work?
No.
Am I seeking?
Am I shining?
Am I striving?
No, no, and no.
That hurts.
But the truth hurts.
And that hurt gives me the desire to do something about it. What do we do when we are hurting? We go to a doctor to see what's wrong. We ask them to help us and, in most cases, they do exactly that. Before we know it, the pain goes away. Who is the ultimate Physician? My God.
And without His healing, without His love, without His grace and patience and mercy and justice, what I said above is true: nothing matters. Without Him in my life, I do not matter. For what good am I if I cannot praise Him? If I cannot glorify Him?
Nothing.
Turn to Christ.
Run to Him.
Love Him.
'Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.'
[2 Timothy 2:11-13]
I'm not making them up, blog-wise.
Why?
I'm at a point in my life where I keep thinking that nothing matters.
Not a good point to be, in my opinion.
For example, my thoughts are my thoughts.
And as of late, I feel as if that's how it should be.
They don't need to be shared.
Because I don't think that they matter.
Not even to myself, apparently:
I couldn't tell you how many hours have seemed to pass in the blink of an eye over the past few days. It's honestly as if I don't have a single, cohesive thought in my mind throughout those hours. Realizing this was not a pleasant experience. And thoughts did go through my mind after I snapped out of it, so to speak.
'I've gotta be losing it.'
'What's wrong with me?'
'This can't be right.'
'Am I mentally sound?'
And finally,
'Where is God in all this?'
[Cliché, yet reasonable, I figured.]
I then heard, "Yeah, Natalie... where am I?"
Good question.
I knew this was going to be the case.
I knew it was going to be difficult.
I knew I would have to work hard.
I knew obstacles would be present.
I knew, I knew, I knew.
So why am I so ill-prepared?
Why am I so lost?
Why am I so lonely?
Why am I so behind?
Am I giving all that I can give?
No.
Am I working as hard as I can work?
No.
Am I seeking?
Am I shining?
Am I striving?
No, no, and no.
That hurts.
But the truth hurts.
And that hurt gives me the desire to do something about it. What do we do when we are hurting? We go to a doctor to see what's wrong. We ask them to help us and, in most cases, they do exactly that. Before we know it, the pain goes away. Who is the ultimate Physician? My God.
And without His healing, without His love, without His grace and patience and mercy and justice, what I said above is true: nothing matters. Without Him in my life, I do not matter. For what good am I if I cannot praise Him? If I cannot glorify Him?
Nothing.
Turn to Christ.
Run to Him.
Love Him.
'Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.'
[2 Timothy 2:11-13]
July 7, 2009
Ch. 471 - Purchased by God
'And they sang a new song:
"You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased
men for God
from every tribe and language and
people and nation.
You have made them to be a kingdom
and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth." '
[Revelation 5:9-10]
"You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased
men for God
from every tribe and language and
people and nation.
You have made them to be a kingdom
and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth." '
[Revelation 5:9-10]
July 6, 2009
Ch. 470 - Be REAL
Alright, so I know I posted a devotional yesterday, but this was the follow-up devotional today and it speaks of something I feel very strongly about.
Don't Fear Authentic Relationships
'Authentic fellowship is not superficial, surface-level chit-chat. It's genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level sharing.
It happens when people get honest about who they are and what is happening in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit their fears, acknowledge their weaknesses, and ask for help and prayer.
Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in many churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there is pretending, role-playing, politicking, and superficial politeness, but shallow conversation.
People wear masks, keep their guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. These attitudes are the death of real friendship.
It's only as we become open about our lives that we experience authentic fellowship. The Bible says, "If we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other . . . If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves" (1 John 1:7-8 NCV).
The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.
Of course, being authentic requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again.
Why would anyone take such a risk?
Because it's the only way to grow spiritually and be emotionally healthy. The Bible says, "Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed" (James 5:16 MSG).'
Don't Fear Authentic Relationships
'Authentic fellowship is not superficial, surface-level chit-chat. It's genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level sharing.
It happens when people get honest about who they are and what is happening in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit their fears, acknowledge their weaknesses, and ask for help and prayer.
Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in many churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there is pretending, role-playing, politicking, and superficial politeness, but shallow conversation.
People wear masks, keep their guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. These attitudes are the death of real friendship.
It's only as we become open about our lives that we experience authentic fellowship. The Bible says, "If we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other . . . If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves" (1 John 1:7-8 NCV).
The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.
Of course, being authentic requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again.
Why would anyone take such a risk?
Because it's the only way to grow spiritually and be emotionally healthy. The Bible says, "Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed" (James 5:16 MSG).'
July 5, 2009
Ch. 469 - Courage for Friendships
This was one of my devotionals for today. The subject matter deals with something that I've struggled with in the past. Thankfully, I have been working at it and feel like it's an obstacle that I'm well on my way to overcoming.
Don't Fear Deeper Friendships
When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.
This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, and God came looking for them, Adam said, "I was afraid . . . so I hid" (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves.
We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.
Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.
Where do you get the confidence, the courage, to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy? Where do you get that courage?
You get it from God's Spirit in your life. Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong (courageous), and to love them and enjoy being with them" (LB).
How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love," and "Love casts out all fear." The more of God you have in your life, the less of fear you're going to have in your life.
So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause, pray, and say, "God, give me the courage to take the first step." You need to do that now with a person you want to connect with.
Don't Fear Deeper Friendships
When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.
This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, and God came looking for them, Adam said, "I was afraid . . . so I hid" (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves.
We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.
Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.
Where do you get the confidence, the courage, to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy? Where do you get that courage?
You get it from God's Spirit in your life. Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong (courageous), and to love them and enjoy being with them" (LB).
How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love," and "Love casts out all fear." The more of God you have in your life, the less of fear you're going to have in your life.
So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause, pray, and say, "God, give me the courage to take the first step." You need to do that now with a person you want to connect with.
July 4, 2009
Ch. 468 - Provision of Freedom
Happy Independence Day!
I'm thankful to God for the secular freedom that He has provided me.
However, I'm even more thankful for the freedom that God has provided me through His Son, Jesus Christ. There is essentially nothing I cannot do with the freedom I have.
'In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.'
[Ephesians 3:12]
I'm thankful to God for the secular freedom that He has provided me.
However, I'm even more thankful for the freedom that God has provided me through His Son, Jesus Christ. There is essentially nothing I cannot do with the freedom I have.
'In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.'
[Ephesians 3:12]
July 3, 2009
Ch. 467 - The Big 'IF'
' "If you love me, you will obey what I command." '
[John 14:15]
I used this verse a couple days ago. I like it a lot. To be honest, it cuts pretty deep every time I read it. It reminds me of how imperfect I am. And how conditional my love is. God sent His Son to die for us. John 15:13 says, ' "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." ' There is no greater love than the love that God has for us. Even so, we should be determined to love Him with everything that we have.
With all our heart.
With all our soul.
With all our strength.
With all our mind.
[Luke 10:27]
It's a tall order, but I don't think it would be commanded of us if we were not capable of doing so. I mean, Jesus never commanded, "Don't sin." Why? My guess... and granted, it's only a guess ... is that He knows we would never be able to not sin. Now, that doesn't mean that we should purposefully sin and have the mindset that it's okay. But God sent Christ as an example for us - someone we should strive to be like - because He knew that we would forever be sinful, and Christ never sinned. Yet He loves us, just the same. However, our love for Him could never measure up to His love for us. And oftentimes, our love isn't even apparent. We keep it to ourselves, which is incredibly unfortunate. We don't do anything with that love - especially when it comes to obedience, it seems.
"I can't do that. I'm too poor."
"I can't do that. I'm not talented enough."
"I can't do that. People would laugh at me."
But if God tells you to do something, why would you turn away? There is no telling what He would do through you. We shouldn't focus on what we think we "can't" do, but instead what we can do - and let God take care of the rest. "If you love me, you will obey what I command." This goes for anything and everything, I think, not just for the greatest commandments of loving God and loving others. I think we need to look inward more and ask ourselves if we are truly loving God by obeying what He commands.
[John 14:15]
I used this verse a couple days ago. I like it a lot. To be honest, it cuts pretty deep every time I read it. It reminds me of how imperfect I am. And how conditional my love is. God sent His Son to die for us. John 15:13 says, ' "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." ' There is no greater love than the love that God has for us. Even so, we should be determined to love Him with everything that we have.
With all our heart.
With all our soul.
With all our strength.
With all our mind.
[Luke 10:27]
It's a tall order, but I don't think it would be commanded of us if we were not capable of doing so. I mean, Jesus never commanded, "Don't sin." Why? My guess... and granted, it's only a guess ... is that He knows we would never be able to not sin. Now, that doesn't mean that we should purposefully sin and have the mindset that it's okay. But God sent Christ as an example for us - someone we should strive to be like - because He knew that we would forever be sinful, and Christ never sinned. Yet He loves us, just the same. However, our love for Him could never measure up to His love for us. And oftentimes, our love isn't even apparent. We keep it to ourselves, which is incredibly unfortunate. We don't do anything with that love - especially when it comes to obedience, it seems.
"I can't do that. I'm too poor."
"I can't do that. I'm not talented enough."
"I can't do that. People would laugh at me."
But if God tells you to do something, why would you turn away? There is no telling what He would do through you. We shouldn't focus on what we think we "can't" do, but instead what we can do - and let God take care of the rest. "If you love me, you will obey what I command." This goes for anything and everything, I think, not just for the greatest commandments of loving God and loving others. I think we need to look inward more and ask ourselves if we are truly loving God by obeying what He commands.
July 2, 2009
Ch. 466 - Proportionate Faith
'Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.'
[Matthew 9:22]
[Matthew 9:22]
July 1, 2009
Ch. 465 - Think About the Day
I don't think most of us think about how we spend our days. We are a routine-loving society. We can't help it. Our lives are built around schedules, to-do lists, and calendars. These things tell us when to do things, where to do them, who to do them with, and sometimes even how to do them.
Alarm goes off. Wake up.
Shower. Get dressed, etc.
Eat breakfast. Brush teeth.
Pack lunch. Go to work.
Answer emails. Meeting.
Eat lunch. Walk a bit.
Another meeting. Type proposal.
More emails. Organize files.
Another meeting.
Water cooler. [Right on time for the best gossip of the day.]
Prepare PowerPoint for tomorrow. Pack up.
Pick up kids. Snack time.
Drop kids off at soccer practice. Grocery shopping.
Laundry. Pick kids up again.
Fix dinner. Welcome home spouse.
Eat dinner. PTA meeting.
Help with homework. Watch some television.
Read. Get ready for bed.
Set alarm. Sleep.
Repeat.
Now, you can do this day-after-day, and do so happily, with cheer. You love your job, your family, and have no problem living each day the same as the day before. However, you do feel that something is amiss. You try to figure it out, but can't seem to place your finger on it. You don't think about it for awhile, but one evening you pray before going to bed - "Just because." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did that even come from? You brush it aside, but the next night, you say a few more words to... Whoever. But "getting spiritual" throws things off balance. It's different. And what's it for? Regardless, you decide it's not so bad. You even pick up a Bible and start reading a little. Again, "Just because. Why not?" However, when you start thinking about church, you decide you don't want to push it. Yet you enjoy what you read. And you don't think that those words at night are just thrown out there into nothingness. So you start going to church. And what do you know? You like it. Meet some nice people. Hear some good music. Guy up front seems to know what's he's doing. Alright, sure. You decide to stick around. Unfortunately, your life seems to be even more off balance now. You're not used to all this new "stuff". Wait, you've even gotten sucked into a church committee? That's a pretty big step... Next thing you know, you've got one more meeting to attend bimonthly. If you felt a little dizzy before, you're now positive that the room is spinning around you constantly. But you still like it. Even your kids are getting into it! Youth group, kid's choir... Sunday school?! The scales are tipping even farther. You're feeling different. There seems to be more to life, although each day seems shorter than before. Weird. Your prayers become more fervent, and you start to dig into the Bible deeply. Then one day, it clicks. You get it. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. There He is, with open arms. With each passing day, you grow closer to God, having realized it's not about to-do lists or church committees or listening to a choir sing on Sunday morning. He becomes your God, even though you have always been His child. And suddenly, your life feels balanced again. Zealous and joyful, you finally begin to live your life for Him, day by day. You strive to love Him and love others to the best of your ability, day by day. You live freely - but with purpose - day by day. You live, obedient and watchful, day by day.
Annie Dillard [an author] once said, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." True? Well. If we're spending our days the way we want to spend our lives, then I think we're going to more readily say it is true. But if we're not, then it's going to be more difficult to say that it's true. Unfortunately, just because we're not willing to say it's true doesn't mean that it's not.
I believe that a relationship with God is an everyday ordeal. It shouldn't be an every other day relationship. We can't want to be close to Him one day, then turn our backs on Him the next. Sure, we do exactly that sometimes, but we shouldn't. If we're not consistently working at it each day, it becomes easy to fall away. It becomes easy to believe that we can do this thing called life on our own. It becomes easy to look after ourselves and only ourselves. Above all else, we need God. And we need to do what He commands of us. We need to be thinking about the return of Christ. We need to get out there and love people and help them know our Savior. But if we don't realize these things now, each day, how much more difficult will it be to do so in a year? Five years? Ten years? And how much more difficult will it be to actually do something about it?
So I challenge you to constantly be thinking about the moments that are ahead of you. You don't have to think about tomorrow. Just today. What are you going to do today? Sit back and think that 'someone else' will do 'it' - whatever 'it' may be? Or are you going to be proactive and do what needs to be done, letting God use you in ways that He sees fit?
Be willing.
Be ready.
' "If you love me, you will obey what I command." '
[John 14:15]
Alarm goes off. Wake up.
Shower. Get dressed, etc.
Eat breakfast. Brush teeth.
Pack lunch. Go to work.
Answer emails. Meeting.
Eat lunch. Walk a bit.
Another meeting. Type proposal.
More emails. Organize files.
Another meeting.
Water cooler. [Right on time for the best gossip of the day.]
Prepare PowerPoint for tomorrow. Pack up.
Pick up kids. Snack time.
Drop kids off at soccer practice. Grocery shopping.
Laundry. Pick kids up again.
Fix dinner. Welcome home spouse.
Eat dinner. PTA meeting.
Help with homework. Watch some television.
Read. Get ready for bed.
Set alarm. Sleep.
Repeat.
Now, you can do this day-after-day, and do so happily, with cheer. You love your job, your family, and have no problem living each day the same as the day before. However, you do feel that something is amiss. You try to figure it out, but can't seem to place your finger on it. You don't think about it for awhile, but one evening you pray before going to bed - "Just because." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did that even come from? You brush it aside, but the next night, you say a few more words to... Whoever. But "getting spiritual" throws things off balance. It's different. And what's it for? Regardless, you decide it's not so bad. You even pick up a Bible and start reading a little. Again, "Just because. Why not?" However, when you start thinking about church, you decide you don't want to push it. Yet you enjoy what you read. And you don't think that those words at night are just thrown out there into nothingness. So you start going to church. And what do you know? You like it. Meet some nice people. Hear some good music. Guy up front seems to know what's he's doing. Alright, sure. You decide to stick around. Unfortunately, your life seems to be even more off balance now. You're not used to all this new "stuff". Wait, you've even gotten sucked into a church committee? That's a pretty big step... Next thing you know, you've got one more meeting to attend bimonthly. If you felt a little dizzy before, you're now positive that the room is spinning around you constantly. But you still like it. Even your kids are getting into it! Youth group, kid's choir... Sunday school?! The scales are tipping even farther. You're feeling different. There seems to be more to life, although each day seems shorter than before. Weird. Your prayers become more fervent, and you start to dig into the Bible deeply. Then one day, it clicks. You get it. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. There He is, with open arms. With each passing day, you grow closer to God, having realized it's not about to-do lists or church committees or listening to a choir sing on Sunday morning. He becomes your God, even though you have always been His child. And suddenly, your life feels balanced again. Zealous and joyful, you finally begin to live your life for Him, day by day. You strive to love Him and love others to the best of your ability, day by day. You live freely - but with purpose - day by day. You live, obedient and watchful, day by day.
Annie Dillard [an author] once said, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." True? Well. If we're spending our days the way we want to spend our lives, then I think we're going to more readily say it is true. But if we're not, then it's going to be more difficult to say that it's true. Unfortunately, just because we're not willing to say it's true doesn't mean that it's not.
I believe that a relationship with God is an everyday ordeal. It shouldn't be an every other day relationship. We can't want to be close to Him one day, then turn our backs on Him the next. Sure, we do exactly that sometimes, but we shouldn't. If we're not consistently working at it each day, it becomes easy to fall away. It becomes easy to believe that we can do this thing called life on our own. It becomes easy to look after ourselves and only ourselves. Above all else, we need God. And we need to do what He commands of us. We need to be thinking about the return of Christ. We need to get out there and love people and help them know our Savior. But if we don't realize these things now, each day, how much more difficult will it be to do so in a year? Five years? Ten years? And how much more difficult will it be to actually do something about it?
So I challenge you to constantly be thinking about the moments that are ahead of you. You don't have to think about tomorrow. Just today. What are you going to do today? Sit back and think that 'someone else' will do 'it' - whatever 'it' may be? Or are you going to be proactive and do what needs to be done, letting God use you in ways that He sees fit?
Be willing.
Be ready.
' "If you love me, you will obey what I command." '
[John 14:15]
June 30, 2009
Ch. 464 - Gain/Lose
' "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" '
[Mark 8:36]
[Mark 8:36]
June 29, 2009
Ch. 463 - Ways to Worship
This was one of my devotionals for today. I appreciated it a lot.
God Designed You to Work
'For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
[Ephesians 2:10]
'Your work can be an act of worship. No matter what you do, it's never just a job if you are a believer. This is because God designed you with talents, gifts, and interests that He wants used for His glory.
You are custom-made. There's nobody like you in the whole world. And the gifts, the abilities, the talents, even the interests you have, they were genetically encoded into you by God. You didn't have a say in what you were going to be interested in, what you are naturally good at. God made you with a specific mission in mind and He wants you to use the gifts He's given you in your work.
The Bible says that you are God's workmanship. The Greek word used for workmanship is poema; that's where our word for "poem" comes from. You are God's poem! You are God's work of art. You are God's masterpiece.
Your work is part of God's plan for your life and that is why, as you work, you worship God.'
God Designed You to Work
'For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
[Ephesians 2:10]
'Your work can be an act of worship. No matter what you do, it's never just a job if you are a believer. This is because God designed you with talents, gifts, and interests that He wants used for His glory.
You are custom-made. There's nobody like you in the whole world. And the gifts, the abilities, the talents, even the interests you have, they were genetically encoded into you by God. You didn't have a say in what you were going to be interested in, what you are naturally good at. God made you with a specific mission in mind and He wants you to use the gifts He's given you in your work.
The Bible says that you are God's workmanship. The Greek word used for workmanship is poema; that's where our word for "poem" comes from. You are God's poem! You are God's work of art. You are God's masterpiece.
Your work is part of God's plan for your life and that is why, as you work, you worship God.'
June 28, 2009
Ch. 462 - A Battle
I am, all of a sudden, incredibly weary.
I feel very angry.
Upset.
Saddened.
Exhausted.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to hit or kick something.
I can't.
I feel like a caged bird.
But I'm not about to sing anyway.
I don't care if Maya Angelou does know why the caged bird sings.
I can't.
I feel like a small child.
I can't leave.
I can't do this.
I can't do that.
I'm afraid to even ask.
I can't.
I just can't.
I am just so frustrated.
Lord God.
Please.
'Hear my prayer, O Lord,
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.'
[Psalm 102:1-2]
I feel very angry.
Upset.
Saddened.
Exhausted.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to hit or kick something.
I can't.
I feel like a caged bird.
But I'm not about to sing anyway.
I don't care if Maya Angelou does know why the caged bird sings.
I can't.
I feel like a small child.
I can't leave.
I can't do this.
I can't do that.
I'm afraid to even ask.
I can't.
I just can't.
I am just so frustrated.
Lord God.
Please.
'Hear my prayer, O Lord,
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.'
[Psalm 102:1-2]
June 27, 2009
Ch. 461 - Are You Lukewarm?
The following two quotes come from Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, which I am currently reading [and thoroughly enjoying, I must say].
'The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard." Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering. Would you describe yourself as totally in love with Jesus Christ? Or do the words halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed fit better?'
'Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. Just as the prophets in the Old Testament warned Israel that they were not safe just because they lived in the land of Israel, so we are not safe just because we wear the label Christian or because some people persist in calling us a "Christian nation." '
Oh boy.
Thank you, Francis Chan, for putting into words what I've been thinking for quite some time now.
Brilliant.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always on fire. Or even hot, for that matter. As much as I don't want to say it, I can be pretty lukewarm. I'm really working on warming up, but it's a process. It's not like leftovers that you can pop into the microwave and heat up in an instant.
It takes time.
It takes effort.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
And even so, I have Christ in my heart.
And even so, I love God and I know that He loves me.
And even so, I am continually committing my life to Him.
Yet I'm scared.
And extremely sad.
Why?
Because there are many, many, many, many congregations in this world - full of "Christians" - who are lukewarm, and don't realize that they're missing something. They think that they're fine because they spend some time at church, put money into a collection plate, and maybe help out with Vacation Bible School each summer. And if they're really "on fire" they may even crack open their Bibles now and again. Yet contrary to what they think, they are not saved. They're simply not. Beloved children of God think they're good to go when, in fact, they are distancing themselves from what truly matters: a relationship with God.
My heart aches for these people.
'The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." '
[Isaiah 29:13]
'Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!'
[Amos 6:1]
'The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard." Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering. Would you describe yourself as totally in love with Jesus Christ? Or do the words halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed fit better?'
'Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. Just as the prophets in the Old Testament warned Israel that they were not safe just because they lived in the land of Israel, so we are not safe just because we wear the label Christian or because some people persist in calling us a "Christian nation." '
Oh boy.
Thank you, Francis Chan, for putting into words what I've been thinking for quite some time now.
Brilliant.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always on fire. Or even hot, for that matter. As much as I don't want to say it, I can be pretty lukewarm. I'm really working on warming up, but it's a process. It's not like leftovers that you can pop into the microwave and heat up in an instant.
It takes time.
It takes effort.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
And even so, I have Christ in my heart.
And even so, I love God and I know that He loves me.
And even so, I am continually committing my life to Him.
Yet I'm scared.
And extremely sad.
Why?
Because there are many, many, many, many congregations in this world - full of "Christians" - who are lukewarm, and don't realize that they're missing something. They think that they're fine because they spend some time at church, put money into a collection plate, and maybe help out with Vacation Bible School each summer. And if they're really "on fire" they may even crack open their Bibles now and again. Yet contrary to what they think, they are not saved. They're simply not. Beloved children of God think they're good to go when, in fact, they are distancing themselves from what truly matters: a relationship with God.
My heart aches for these people.
'The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." '
[Isaiah 29:13]
'Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!'
[Amos 6:1]
June 26, 2009
Ch. 460 - Planting Seeds, Literally
Lately on my other blog [Side Notes] I've been posting a "things-to-be-done-before-I-die" list. That's right, a bucket list. Yesterday the desire was to plant an orchard. Because I just posted about it yesterday, I suppose it should be no surprise that it was on my mind today.
It is my belief that my mom has a green thumb. She doesn't garden as much as she used to, but she enjoys it and is able to produce beautiful results from basically nothing. I have never really had an opportunity to do much gardening. We have a very large yard, but it's kind of a mess. The ground is uneven, trees are scattered all around the house, and invasive species are everywhere. Plants can be quite expensive, and the money, time, and effort that landscaping and gardening require could be more wisely spent doing something else around the house. Even so, I wish I could spend the entire summer redoing our yard with my mom. It was my plan last summer to at least do some design work to get things started for this summer, but I had absolutely no idea where or how to get started. And besides, nothing needs to be done out of necessity. It's not like we're about to sell the house and need to make the yard look nice, or that we have to plant our own food, or sell things we grow to make a profit. At this point in time, landscaping and gardening are simply for pleasure and aesthetic purposes. But still... I do wonder if I've inherited my mom's green thumb. I think my desire to do these things may be indicative of an inheritance, but I don't suppose I'll find out until I really start to get my hands dirty!
It's just that the more I think about it, the more I get excited. Especially when I think about that bucket list item - planting an orchard. I noted that I wouldn't want to plant one for myself, but for someone else. I would want another person to benefit from the time and effort I put into doing something, you know? I do enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor (no pun intended), but it's not really a big deal. Just knowing that someone else will benefit from and enjoy an orchard is good enough for me.
I'm not exactly sure where I'd go with this, but I think it's something I'll hold onto for a bit. I think it'd be really neat to turn it into a ministry. Planting seeds by, well, planting seeds. Showing the love of God and His goodness through the gift of fruit-bearing trees... why not?
'Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.'
[Titus 3:14]
It is my belief that my mom has a green thumb. She doesn't garden as much as she used to, but she enjoys it and is able to produce beautiful results from basically nothing. I have never really had an opportunity to do much gardening. We have a very large yard, but it's kind of a mess. The ground is uneven, trees are scattered all around the house, and invasive species are everywhere. Plants can be quite expensive, and the money, time, and effort that landscaping and gardening require could be more wisely spent doing something else around the house. Even so, I wish I could spend the entire summer redoing our yard with my mom. It was my plan last summer to at least do some design work to get things started for this summer, but I had absolutely no idea where or how to get started. And besides, nothing needs to be done out of necessity. It's not like we're about to sell the house and need to make the yard look nice, or that we have to plant our own food, or sell things we grow to make a profit. At this point in time, landscaping and gardening are simply for pleasure and aesthetic purposes. But still... I do wonder if I've inherited my mom's green thumb. I think my desire to do these things may be indicative of an inheritance, but I don't suppose I'll find out until I really start to get my hands dirty!
It's just that the more I think about it, the more I get excited. Especially when I think about that bucket list item - planting an orchard. I noted that I wouldn't want to plant one for myself, but for someone else. I would want another person to benefit from the time and effort I put into doing something, you know? I do enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor (no pun intended), but it's not really a big deal. Just knowing that someone else will benefit from and enjoy an orchard is good enough for me.
I'm not exactly sure where I'd go with this, but I think it's something I'll hold onto for a bit. I think it'd be really neat to turn it into a ministry. Planting seeds by, well, planting seeds. Showing the love of God and His goodness through the gift of fruit-bearing trees... why not?
'Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.'
[Titus 3:14]
June 25, 2009
Ch. 459 - A New Prayer
'Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.'
[1 Chronicles 4:10]
[1 Chronicles 4:10]
June 24, 2009
Ch. 458 - What Am I?
I'm worthy of feeling unworthy and it being okay, but also worthy enough to tell others that they are worthy, even when they feel unworthy.
It works.
' "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last." '
[John 15:16]
It works.
' "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last." '
[John 15:16]
June 23, 2009
Ch. 457 - Created in Wisom
I'm really insignificant and small.
But still a creation of the Almighty God.
I'm glad.
'How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.'
[Psalm 104:24]
But still a creation of the Almighty God.
I'm glad.
'How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.'
[Psalm 104:24]
June 22, 2009
Ch. 456 - Out of Love
Writer Jeanne Zornes said, "God often delays His response out of love, as He works all things together for good."
How true this is. I think a major weakness of many people, especially Christians, is that we are an incredibly impatient species. We want everything we can possibly have and we want it right here, right now. And here's the thing - as Christians, we are so often told that we can lift up prayers to God constantly and He will hear them. We simply must have faith that He will, indeed, answer them. We can each think that we have the most faith of anyone on this earth, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to have our prayers answered any more quickly than our neighbor's prayers. Our God is an eternal God. We know that our time on earth is so incredibly short, even though we don't even have anything to compare its time to. But God has so much time in His hands, being the almighty and creative God that He is, that I can almost imagine that it would be difficult for Him to snap His fingers at every single request and answer all the prayers that are continually lifted up. It's almost as if He can't help but teach us patience and perseverance as time wears on. Then, as He does answer our prayers and respond to our cries - sometimes when we least expect Him to - our faith is strengthened. Even if what He gives or says is not what we believe we initially wanted, everything from God is from His love. I think we tend to forget that. I mean, God knows what is best for us all, both individually and collectively. So even though we may not see His timing or responses to be in our best interest, it truly is. And who are we to question Him, anyway?
'Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.'
[Psalm 90:2-4]
How true this is. I think a major weakness of many people, especially Christians, is that we are an incredibly impatient species. We want everything we can possibly have and we want it right here, right now. And here's the thing - as Christians, we are so often told that we can lift up prayers to God constantly and He will hear them. We simply must have faith that He will, indeed, answer them. We can each think that we have the most faith of anyone on this earth, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to have our prayers answered any more quickly than our neighbor's prayers. Our God is an eternal God. We know that our time on earth is so incredibly short, even though we don't even have anything to compare its time to. But God has so much time in His hands, being the almighty and creative God that He is, that I can almost imagine that it would be difficult for Him to snap His fingers at every single request and answer all the prayers that are continually lifted up. It's almost as if He can't help but teach us patience and perseverance as time wears on. Then, as He does answer our prayers and respond to our cries - sometimes when we least expect Him to - our faith is strengthened. Even if what He gives or says is not what we believe we initially wanted, everything from God is from His love. I think we tend to forget that. I mean, God knows what is best for us all, both individually and collectively. So even though we may not see His timing or responses to be in our best interest, it truly is. And who are we to question Him, anyway?
'Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.'
[Psalm 90:2-4]
June 21, 2009
Ch. 455 - Hidden From View
My mom and I were grocery shopping today. Among a few other items, we were looking for shelled sunflower seeds. We eventually found them. Amidst the unit of shelves they were on, we saw bags of figs. My mom saw them and decided to buy some for my dad. As we set out to find the rest of our items, my mom reminded me that when he was a boy, my dad would visit his grandfather's house in California. She said that his grandfather's yard contained some fig trees. My dad had enjoyed playing in the trees when he visited. This may sound strange, because one does not usually play "in" trees. However, fig trees are unique. Their branches grow away and down from the trunks, creating a hollow space around the trunk. The branches, then, are curtain-like and hide the trunk and the area around it. When my mom learned of this from my dad, she thought of an exchange between Jesus and Nathanael in the gospel of John (the calling of Philip and Nathanael):
'The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me." Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip. When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
[John 1:43-50]
What greater meaning this passage has, knowing more of fig trees! If one is under a fig tree, under its branches, one is hidden from view. And yet Jesus knew Nathanael was under the fig tree, even before Philip called him. He was able to see him. What a magnificent God we have to rule over us.
'The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me." Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip. When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
[John 1:43-50]
What greater meaning this passage has, knowing more of fig trees! If one is under a fig tree, under its branches, one is hidden from view. And yet Jesus knew Nathanael was under the fig tree, even before Philip called him. He was able to see him. What a magnificent God we have to rule over us.
June 20, 2009
Ch. 454 - It's About Time!
I'm finally becoming more proactive in growing in my faith this summer. I'm pretty excited to take a few steps forward with God. He's a pretty cool Guy, after all.
'Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.'
[2 Corinthians 5:5]
'Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.'
[2 Corinthians 5:5]
June 19, 2009
Ch. 453 - Full to the Brim
'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.'
[Romans 15:13]
[Romans 15:13]
June 18, 2009
Ch. 452 - Justification
' "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses." '
[Acts 13:38-39]
[Acts 13:38-39]
June 17, 2009
Ch. 451 - Coming Across Joy
Today I was rollerblading on the Cedar Lake loop. I was coming around a bend when I heard someone call out, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" I looked in the direction of where the voice came from and saw two elderly men fishing. One of the men called for Maggie again, and I heard giggling. The man nudged his partner and they both looked behind them with smiles on their faces. I kept going and soon saw a girl, whom I assume was Maggie, crouching behind some tall grasses. She was still giggling quite loudly, but as I continued on the path I kept hearing the man call, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" It was obvious that he already knew where Maggie was, but for her sake and the fun that she was having, he kept pretending that he did not know.
You will never know how happy I was to have encountered that simple, summery-day scene. Skating away, a smile stretched its way across my face and echoes of the man's call rang through my mind. But you know, for some reason, the echoes turned into what seemed like a question from God, directed towards me. 'Naaa-talieee... where aaare youuu?' I was a bit surprised with that, to say the least. I thought, 'Well, gee. Here I am, God. You know where I am better than anyone.' Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shouldn't be so surprised.
I suppose I could say that I feel like I've been hiding in plain sight for quite some time.
I tried to hide.
But I didn't put much effort into it.
Of course God knows where I am.
He doesn't have to search for me.
Even though hide-and-seek is my favorite game, I think it would be one game that I would never want to play with God. That, and two truths and a lie.
Anyway.
I think that God's been reminding me lately that I can't push Him away, no matter what I do - even if I'm doing so unintentionally. He's always going to be there and He's always going to show me ways to step back on the true path that He's laid out for me. Whether I like it or not, God's going to be wherever I go, encouraging me and loving me.
'But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.'
[Psalm 33:11-15]
You will never know how happy I was to have encountered that simple, summery-day scene. Skating away, a smile stretched its way across my face and echoes of the man's call rang through my mind. But you know, for some reason, the echoes turned into what seemed like a question from God, directed towards me. 'Naaa-talieee... where aaare youuu?' I was a bit surprised with that, to say the least. I thought, 'Well, gee. Here I am, God. You know where I am better than anyone.' Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shouldn't be so surprised.
I suppose I could say that I feel like I've been hiding in plain sight for quite some time.
I tried to hide.
But I didn't put much effort into it.
Of course God knows where I am.
He doesn't have to search for me.
Even though hide-and-seek is my favorite game, I think it would be one game that I would never want to play with God. That, and two truths and a lie.
Anyway.
I think that God's been reminding me lately that I can't push Him away, no matter what I do - even if I'm doing so unintentionally. He's always going to be there and He's always going to show me ways to step back on the true path that He's laid out for me. Whether I like it or not, God's going to be wherever I go, encouraging me and loving me.
'But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.'
[Psalm 33:11-15]
June 16, 2009
Ch. 450 - Embracing What IS
This was my devotional for the day and I thought I'd share it. Definitely has a great message for all readers, no matter what your situation or circumstance.
'Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind.'
'But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.'
[Psalm 52:8]
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6]
'Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind.'
'But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.'
[Psalm 52:8]
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6]
June 15, 2009
Ch. 449 - The Return's Beginning
For the time being, one of my recipes for a great day includes clearing one's head, listening to music, and mowing the lawn. That's it.
Simple.
Beautiful.
I enjoyed today.
I learned something new about myself while mowing the lawn.
It doesn't have to do with mowing.
I was simply mowing while I thought the thought that made me say, "Aha."
I think that I don't always enjoy ministry work (for example, helping with youth groups) very often because everything that I've ever helped with is not what I'm meant to do. Now, I'm not one of those people who find it hard to say no. Yet when asked to help with something, I usually say yes because I know the help is needed - not because I necessarily truly want to. Which really isn't good, in my mind. But I do figure that there will always be things that need to be done that I don't want to do, but will need to do them with a cheerful heart anyway. So I'm preparing myself for the long run, I suppose.
But seriously. I know it's going to take some time to learn about what God has in store for me. And maybe I'll get to experience what it will entail before I go wherever, but maybe I won't. I'm thinking I probably won't, because otherwise I'd just stay and 'do whatever' here. But that's not what I want at all. I know for certain that I want to work with people outside of the United States of America. I'm not supposed to be here. Sometimes I feel that God is playing a trick on me and one day He's going to say to me, "Just kidding, Nat! You're actually supposed to be in [insert country here], but I thought I'd place your family in Cedar Rapids, Iowa instead... just to mess with you. Ha! Pretty funny, eh?!" And then He'd laugh up a storm, and miraculously transport me to whatever other place I'm supposed to be.
Alright. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Cedar Rapids. Or Iowa. Or the U.S. of A., for that matter. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel... hmmm... ashamed, if you will, being "American" and living where I do. We're wealthy, open, and powerful. But so many people are living in darkness. It's ironic, in my opinion, because we have such freedom - yet we take such great advantage of everything that people have endlessly worked for over the years... and we are constant slaves to society. We are an incredibly selfish and greedy people. Americans have everything at their fingertips, but throw so much of it away. We just don't care. About anything, it seems. And yet most people in foreign countries seemingly "love" Americans. I don't understand. I really don't. And as much as I'd love to be a light for the citizens of this country, I really don't feel that I'm supposed to stay and let God light me on fire day after day. Not here. Not for these people, who have consistent resources and freedom of speech and religion and suffrage and civil rights and cities with cell phone stores on every corner. I feel that Americans have simply lost their way. But I don't feel that I'm supposed to let God us me as a compass for them.
It is what it is.
For now.
Things will get worse.
Then better.
And all people will see and know and follow the True Light... instead of the light radiating off of 'the golden arches'.
'This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.'
[1 John 1:5]
Simple.
Beautiful.
I enjoyed today.
I learned something new about myself while mowing the lawn.
It doesn't have to do with mowing.
I was simply mowing while I thought the thought that made me say, "Aha."
I think that I don't always enjoy ministry work (for example, helping with youth groups) very often because everything that I've ever helped with is not what I'm meant to do. Now, I'm not one of those people who find it hard to say no. Yet when asked to help with something, I usually say yes because I know the help is needed - not because I necessarily truly want to. Which really isn't good, in my mind. But I do figure that there will always be things that need to be done that I don't want to do, but will need to do them with a cheerful heart anyway. So I'm preparing myself for the long run, I suppose.
But seriously. I know it's going to take some time to learn about what God has in store for me. And maybe I'll get to experience what it will entail before I go wherever, but maybe I won't. I'm thinking I probably won't, because otherwise I'd just stay and 'do whatever' here. But that's not what I want at all. I know for certain that I want to work with people outside of the United States of America. I'm not supposed to be here. Sometimes I feel that God is playing a trick on me and one day He's going to say to me, "Just kidding, Nat! You're actually supposed to be in [insert country here], but I thought I'd place your family in Cedar Rapids, Iowa instead... just to mess with you. Ha! Pretty funny, eh?!" And then He'd laugh up a storm, and miraculously transport me to whatever other place I'm supposed to be.
Alright. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Cedar Rapids. Or Iowa. Or the U.S. of A., for that matter. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel... hmmm... ashamed, if you will, being "American" and living where I do. We're wealthy, open, and powerful. But so many people are living in darkness. It's ironic, in my opinion, because we have such freedom - yet we take such great advantage of everything that people have endlessly worked for over the years... and we are constant slaves to society. We are an incredibly selfish and greedy people. Americans have everything at their fingertips, but throw so much of it away. We just don't care. About anything, it seems. And yet most people in foreign countries seemingly "love" Americans. I don't understand. I really don't. And as much as I'd love to be a light for the citizens of this country, I really don't feel that I'm supposed to stay and let God light me on fire day after day. Not here. Not for these people, who have consistent resources and freedom of speech and religion and suffrage and civil rights and cities with cell phone stores on every corner. I feel that Americans have simply lost their way. But I don't feel that I'm supposed to let God us me as a compass for them.
It is what it is.
For now.
Things will get worse.
Then better.
And all people will see and know and follow the True Light... instead of the light radiating off of 'the golden arches'.
'This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.'
[1 John 1:5]
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