Ch. 64 - Cray

I love to pray.

I love to cry.

I pray often.

I cry rarely.
So when I do, it's usually a big deal.

However, I must admit that I do cry a lot when I laugh. It just sort of happens. Whatever I'm laughing at doesn't even have to be very funny - and I don't have to have been laughing for a long time. Seven seconds of laughing? Tears well up. Fifteen seconds of laughing? A couple of tears roll down my cheeks. Twenty-two seconds of laughing? It will look like I've been bawling. If you've ever seen Steel Magnolias, there's a part at the end where the character Truvy says, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." I think it's the other way around for me; I just love tears through laughter.

Going back to praying and crying...

Now, you can let a few tears fall and call it crying, or you can go the whole nine yards and let tears stream down your face, sob, perhaps utter a few incomprehensible words... you know - cry out, really. So when you cry out while you're praying, you're craying. I've crayed only twice ever: a good month and a half, two months ago, and last night. It just sort of happens. Partly out of self-pity, anger with people [and God, believe it or not] and feeling distant from God. I love simply crying out to God in anguish and fear and desperation. Both times I've done this I've felt so much better afterwards and so at peace. The self-pity and anger take flight and I do, in fact, feel closer to God. It's really a splendid feeling when it's all said and done.

The Bible tells us that it is ok to cry out to God. The Bible also tells us that God hears every prayer and that He will answer our prayers. Even Jesus cried out to God.

'About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" - which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" '
[Matthew 27:46]

A few weeks ago I did a personal study of Psalm 86. It's a supplication for help against the psalmist's enemies. But it also gives praise to God. First, the psalmist offers his plea to God and gives reasons as to why his prayer should be heard. Then he gives praise to God. Next he gives a description of his enemies and God, making promises to follow God and praise him if He helps him. The last three verses are a conjunction of the first three parts, an amplification of his plea.

This psalm is now easily one of my favorites. It taught me a lot. God wants it all. And we shouldn't be afraid to give everything to Him. I think it pleases Him more than anything when we want to do this. I believe he wants to share in our joys... our sorrows... our troubles... our excitement... our anger. He simply wants to be a part of our lives. When we let Him in, He gives back. He will listen to our cries for mercy (Psalm 86:6). He will teach us His ways and give us undivided hearts (Psalm 86:11). He will answer us - help us - love us.

I am so blessed to have a God that cares for me as much as I know He does, and to have a God that I know is always there for me... and to have a God that I know listens to me, whether I am thinking quiet thoughts about Him or craying loudly to Him.


'I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.'
[Psalm 142:1-3]