Ch. 464 - Gain/Lose

' "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" '
[Mark 8:36]

Ch. 463 - Ways to Worship

This was one of my devotionals for today. I appreciated it a lot.

God Designed You to Work

'For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
[Ephesians 2:10]

'Your work can be an act of worship. No matter what you do, it's never just a job if you are a believer. This is because God designed you with talents, gifts, and interests that He wants used for His glory.

You are custom-made. There's nobody like you in the whole world. And the gifts, the abilities, the talents, even the interests you have, they were genetically encoded into you by God. You didn't have a say in what you were going to be interested in, what you are naturally good at. God made you with a specific mission in mind and He wants you to use the gifts He's given you in your work.

The Bible says that you are God's workmanship. The Greek word used for workmanship is poema; that's where our word for "poem" comes from. You are God's poem! You are God's work of art. You are God's masterpiece.

Your work is part of God's plan for your life and that is why, as you work, you worship God.'

Ch. 462 - A Battle

I am, all of a sudden, incredibly weary.
I feel very angry.
Upset.
Saddened.
Exhausted.

I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to hit or kick something.

I can't.

I feel like a caged bird.
But I'm not about to sing anyway.
I don't care if Maya Angelou does know why the caged bird sings.

I can't.

I feel like a small child.
I can't leave.
I can't do this.
I can't do that.
I'm afraid to even ask.

I can't.
I just can't.

I am just so frustrated.

Lord God.
Please.


'Hear my prayer, O Lord,
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.'
[Psalm 102:1-2]

Ch. 461 - Are You Lukewarm?

The following two quotes come from Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, which I am currently reading [and thoroughly enjoying, I must say].

'The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard." Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering. Would you describe yourself as totally in love with Jesus Christ? Or do the words halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed fit better?'

'Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. Just as the prophets in the Old Testament warned Israel that they were not safe just because they lived in the land of Israel, so we are not safe just because we wear the label Christian or because some people persist in calling us a "Christian nation." '

Oh boy.

Thank you, Francis Chan, for putting into words what I've been thinking for quite some time now.

Brilliant.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always on fire. Or even hot, for that matter. As much as I don't want to say it, I can be pretty lukewarm. I'm really working on warming up, but it's a process. It's not like leftovers that you can pop into the microwave and heat up in an instant.

It takes time.
It takes effort.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.
And even so, I have Christ in my heart.
And even so, I love God and I know that He loves me.
And even so, I am continually committing my life to Him.

Yet I'm scared.
And extremely sad.
Why?
Because there are many, many, many, many congregations in this world - full of "Christians" - who are lukewarm, and don't realize that they're missing something. They think that they're fine because they spend some time at church, put money into a collection plate, and maybe help out with Vacation Bible School each summer. And if they're really "on fire" they may even crack open their Bibles now and again. Yet contrary to what they think, they are not saved. They're simply not. Beloved children of God think they're good to go when, in fact, they are distancing themselves from what truly matters: a relationship with God.

My heart aches for these people.


'The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." '
[Isaiah 29:13]

'Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!'
[Amos 6:1]

Ch. 460 - Planting Seeds, Literally

Lately on my other blog [Side Notes] I've been posting a "things-to-be-done-before-I-die" list. That's right, a bucket list. Yesterday the desire was to plant an orchard. Because I just posted about it yesterday, I suppose it should be no surprise that it was on my mind today.

It is my belief that my mom has a green thumb. She doesn't garden as much as she used to, but she enjoys it and is able to produce beautiful results from basically nothing. I have never really had an opportunity to do much gardening. We have a very large yard, but it's kind of a mess. The ground is uneven, trees are scattered all around the house, and invasive species are everywhere. Plants can be quite expensive, and the money, time, and effort that landscaping and gardening require could be more wisely spent doing something else around the house. Even so, I wish I could spend the entire summer redoing our yard with my mom. It was my plan last summer to at least do some design work to get things started for this summer, but I had absolutely no idea where or how to get started. And besides, nothing needs to be done out of necessity. It's not like we're about to sell the house and need to make the yard look nice, or that we have to plant our own food, or sell things we grow to make a profit. At this point in time, landscaping and gardening are simply for pleasure and aesthetic purposes. But still... I do wonder if I've inherited my mom's green thumb. I think my desire to do these things may be indicative of an inheritance, but I don't suppose I'll find out until I really start to get my hands dirty!

It's just that the more I think about it, the more I get excited. Especially when I think about that bucket list item - planting an orchard. I noted that I wouldn't want to plant one for myself, but for someone else. I would want another person to benefit from the time and effort I put into doing something, you know? I do enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor (no pun intended), but it's not really a big deal. Just knowing that someone else will benefit from and enjoy an orchard is good enough for me.

I'm not exactly sure where I'd go with this, but I think it's something I'll hold onto for a bit. I think it'd be really neat to turn it into a ministry. Planting seeds by, well, planting seeds. Showing the love of God and His goodness through the gift of fruit-bearing trees... why not?


'Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives.'
[Titus 3:14]

Ch. 459 - A New Prayer

'Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.'
[1 Chronicles 4:10]

Ch. 458 - What Am I?

I'm worthy of feeling unworthy and it being okay, but also worthy enough to tell others that they are worthy, even when they feel unworthy.

It works.


' "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last." '
[John 15:16]

Ch. 457 - Created in Wisom

I'm really insignificant and small.
But still a creation of the Almighty God.

I'm glad.


'How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.'
[Psalm 104:24]

Ch. 456 - Out of Love

Writer Jeanne Zornes said, "God often delays His response out of love, as He works all things together for good."

How true this is. I think a major weakness of many people, especially Christians, is that we are an incredibly impatient species. We want everything we can possibly have and we want it right here, right now. And here's the thing - as Christians, we are so often told that we can lift up prayers to God constantly and He will hear them. We simply must have faith that He will, indeed, answer them. We can each think that we have the most faith of anyone on this earth, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to have our prayers answered any more quickly than our neighbor's prayers. Our God is an eternal God. We know that our time on earth is so incredibly short, even though we don't even have anything to compare its time to. But God has so much time in His hands, being the almighty and creative God that He is, that I can almost imagine that it would be difficult for Him to snap His fingers at every single request and answer all the prayers that are continually lifted up. It's almost as if He can't help but teach us patience and perseverance as time wears on. Then, as He does answer our prayers and respond to our cries - sometimes when we least expect Him to - our faith is strengthened. Even if what He gives or says is not what we believe we initially wanted, everything from God is from His love. I think we tend to forget that. I mean, God knows what is best for us all, both individually and collectively. So even though we may not see His timing or responses to be in our best interest, it truly is. And who are we to question Him, anyway?


'Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.'
[Psalm 90:2-4]

Ch. 455 - Hidden From View

My mom and I were grocery shopping today. Among a few other items, we were looking for shelled sunflower seeds. We eventually found them. Amidst the unit of shelves they were on, we saw bags of figs. My mom saw them and decided to buy some for my dad. As we set out to find the rest of our items, my mom reminded me that when he was a boy, my dad would visit his grandfather's house in California. She said that his grandfather's yard contained some fig trees. My dad had enjoyed playing in the trees when he visited. This may sound strange, because one does not usually play "in" trees. However, fig trees are unique. Their branches grow away and down from the trunks, creating a hollow space around the trunk. The branches, then, are curtain-like and hide the trunk and the area around it. When my mom learned of this from my dad, she thought of an exchange between Jesus and Nathanael in the gospel of John (the calling of Philip and Nathanael):

'The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me." Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip. When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
[John 1:43-50]

What greater meaning this passage has, knowing more of fig trees! If one is under a fig tree, under its branches, one is hidden from view. And yet Jesus knew Nathanael was under the fig tree, even before Philip called him. He was able to see him. What a magnificent God we have to rule over us.

Ch. 454 - It's About Time!

I'm finally becoming more proactive in growing in my faith this summer. I'm pretty excited to take a few steps forward with God. He's a pretty cool Guy, after all.


'Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.'
[2 Corinthians 5:5]

Ch. 453 - Full to the Brim

'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.'
[Romans 15:13]

Ch. 452 - Justification

' "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses." '
[Acts 13:38-39]

Ch. 451 - Coming Across Joy

Today I was rollerblading on the Cedar Lake loop. I was coming around a bend when I heard someone call out, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" I looked in the direction of where the voice came from and saw two elderly men fishing. One of the men called for Maggie again, and I heard giggling. The man nudged his partner and they both looked behind them with smiles on their faces. I kept going and soon saw a girl, whom I assume was Maggie, crouching behind some tall grasses. She was still giggling quite loudly, but as I continued on the path I kept hearing the man call, "Maaa-ggieee... where aaare youuu?" It was obvious that he already knew where Maggie was, but for her sake and the fun that she was having, he kept pretending that he did not know.

You will never know how happy I was to have encountered that simple, summery-day scene. Skating away, a smile stretched its way across my face and echoes of the man's call rang through my mind. But you know, for some reason, the echoes turned into what seemed like a question from God, directed towards me. 'Naaa-talieee... where aaare youuu?' I was a bit surprised with that, to say the least. I thought, 'Well, gee. Here I am, God. You know where I am better than anyone.' Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shouldn't be so surprised.

I suppose I could say that I feel like I've been hiding in plain sight for quite some time.
I tried to hide.
But I didn't put much effort into it.
Of course God knows where I am.
He doesn't have to search for me.
Even though hide-and-seek is my favorite game, I think it would be one game that I would never want to play with God. That, and two truths and a lie.

Anyway.

I think that God's been reminding me lately that I can't push Him away, no matter what I do - even if I'm doing so unintentionally. He's always going to be there and He's always going to show me ways to step back on the true path that He's laid out for me. Whether I like it or not, God's going to be wherever I go, encouraging me and loving me.


'But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.'
[Psalm 33:11-15]

Ch. 450 - Embracing What IS

This was my devotional for the day and I thought I'd share it. Definitely has a great message for all readers, no matter what your situation or circumstance.

'Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind.'

'But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.'
[Psalm 52:8]

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.'
[Proverbs 3:5-6]

Ch. 449 - The Return's Beginning

For the time being, one of my recipes for a great day includes clearing one's head, listening to music, and mowing the lawn. That's it.

Simple.
Beautiful.

I enjoyed today.

I learned something new about myself while mowing the lawn.
It doesn't have to do with mowing.
I was simply mowing while I thought the thought that made me say, "Aha."

I think that I don't always enjoy ministry work (for example, helping with youth groups) very often because everything that I've ever helped with is not what I'm meant to do. Now, I'm not one of those people who find it hard to say no. Yet when asked to help with something, I usually say yes because I know the help is needed - not because I necessarily truly want to. Which really isn't good, in my mind. But I do figure that there will always be things that need to be done that I don't want to do, but will need to do them with a cheerful heart anyway. So I'm preparing myself for the long run, I suppose.

But seriously. I know it's going to take some time to learn about what God has in store for me. And maybe I'll get to experience what it will entail before I go wherever, but maybe I won't. I'm thinking I probably won't, because otherwise I'd just stay and 'do whatever' here. But that's not what I want at all. I know for certain that I want to work with people outside of the United States of America. I'm not supposed to be here. Sometimes I feel that God is playing a trick on me and one day He's going to say to me, "Just kidding, Nat! You're actually supposed to be in [insert country here], but I thought I'd place your family in Cedar Rapids, Iowa instead... just to mess with you. Ha! Pretty funny, eh?!" And then He'd laugh up a storm, and miraculously transport me to whatever other place I'm supposed to be.

Alright. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Cedar Rapids. Or Iowa. Or the U.S. of A., for that matter. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel... hmmm... ashamed, if you will, being "American" and living where I do. We're wealthy, open, and powerful. But so many people are living in darkness. It's ironic, in my opinion, because we have such freedom - yet we take such great advantage of everything that people have endlessly worked for over the years... and we are constant slaves to society. We are an incredibly selfish and greedy people. Americans have everything at their fingertips, but throw so much of it away. We just don't care. About anything, it seems. And yet most people in foreign countries seemingly "love" Americans. I don't understand. I really don't. And as much as I'd love to be a light for the citizens of this country, I really don't feel that I'm supposed to stay and let God light me on fire day after day. Not here. Not for these people, who have consistent resources and freedom of speech and religion and suffrage and civil rights and cities with cell phone stores on every corner. I feel that Americans have simply lost their way. But I don't feel that I'm supposed to let God us me as a compass for them.

It is what it is.
For now.
Things will get worse.
Then better.

And all people will see and know and follow the True Light... instead of the light radiating off of 'the golden arches'.


'This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.'
[1 John 1:5]

Ch. 448 - Care

"Read until you fall asleep."

I used to.
Haven't in a long time.
At least not on purpose.

Thank God for great friends.


'For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.'
[James 3:16]

Ch. 447 - Weakness

Five days, come and gone.
Here we go again, right?

Same as last time.
I'm not too busy.
I'm not upset.
I'm not anything.

I just... don't have the desire.
I don't like it.
But it's true.

I feel like I have nothing to draw from.
And I feel bad saying that.
Because the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not true.
As a follower of Christ, and a believer in God, I should be able to draw inspiration from the smallest of things. Look around. Read. Observe. Reach out. Pray. I keep telling myself to do these things. If I truly believe that everything is of God, and that everything I do should be for God, I should have no problem seeking and drawing out meaning from even the most menial of things.

God continues to be absolute.
Loving.
Merciful.
Gracious.

But me?
Well.
I don't really want to go there right now.
I probably should.
But I'm not going to.

I am weak.


'... let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.'
[Hebrews 10:22-23]

Ch. 446 - He IS

' "But what about you?" Jesus asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "You are the Christ." '
[Mark 8:29]

Ch. 445 - Waking Up

'Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." '
[Ephesians 5:11-14]

Ch. 444 - Needing to Stop

I am beginning to worry about the future - something I have, quite honestly, not done much of in the past. I know I shouldn't, yadda yadda yadda. But I'm at a point where I feel old. I'm twenty, right? Right. Not that old, I know. Here's what I figure, though. The average life expectancy of a U.S. female is eighty years, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. That means that I have lived a quarter of my life, statistically. These twenty years have flown by! And I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.

I don't have anything to show for... living.

Letters on my third grade report card don't matter. I should change that to second grade, actually, seeing how I don't even remember anything from that year... Having learned to color inside the lines hasn't turned out to be a big deal. When do I even get to color these days? Never! Alright, so I was always the best speller in the class and prided myself on that. Big deal. I hate watching the National Spelling Bee, but I always end up doing so anyway. I didn't keep up with dance, softball, or swimming. I loved them all and was fairly decent in each, but when I started getting to the point where things had to take a turn for the serious, I didn't want to push myself to work hard and get better. "It wasn't fun anymore." And my parents didn't push me, either. Which I appreciated at the time being, but now I wish they had.

So at this moment I feel like I haven't done anything. There are kids half my age who are far more accomplished than I. I mean, good for them! They've got their talents and abilities and that's great! But seriously. This is a 'me' moment, and I'm not afraid to let it show. Obviously.

I just don't have anything to capitalize on, you know? I'm 'okay' at a number of things, but not 'great' or even 'good' at any certain thing. Writing. I would love to be published somehow, but how that would ever happen, I don't know. Critically acclaimed? Yes, please and thank you! Speaking. I want to be influential. Motivational. But I'm me. I'm... just Nat. What have I got to say to others that hasn't been said before?

I don't feel like I've ever been anywhere and I don't feel like I'll ever get anywhere. I want to be a missionary. Great. But what do I want to do? I have no idea. I want to travel and meet people and see new things and experience anything and everything that this beautiful, big world has to offer. But I feel so stuck. And I have this dreadful feeling that even after I graduate, that's what I will continue to be. Stuck.

Awful word, isn't it?
It's so ugly.
I don't like the sound of it.
I don't like the look of it.
And so I certainly don't like using it to describe my situational feeling.

I just want to fly!

Wrench my legs out of the mud I'm standing in, dash forward as fast as my legs will carry me, and smoothly take off into the air. Sail on the breeze to someplace where people don't know my name. Don't know of my failures or accomplishments. Don't know of where I come from. I want to land on a hot, black tarmac in the middle of nowhere and get around by the kindness and hospitality of strangers, with a bit of sheer dumb luck added in.

Idiotic? Oh, absolutely.
Could I care less? Probably not.

That's how desperate I am.

I just want to get out there and get to know people and learn of their histories. Their cultures. Their passions. And really just love them for who they are, as children of God. And, in the process, maybe throw out Jesus' name here and there and see where it gets me. I'd be smart about it, of course. Do my research beforehand and whatnot. But I don't want to be spoon-fed anything and I don't want to be told exactly how things should be done, if I don't truly need to be.

I wish I could just spin a globe,
press my finger down,
and book a flight to the country it lands on.

I would leave tomorrow.

I wish, I wish, I wish. I'm so afraid that I will spend my whole life making wishes, and that none of them will ever be granted.
I wish I could go here.
Or there.
I wish I could do this.
Or that.
I wish I could get married.
I wish I could have a couple kids.

Remember what I said at the beginning of this post? That I'm beginning to worry about the future? Yeah, well, here's the deal - I'm worried that I'm not going to get to do any of what I want. There it is. And I just want to beat myself up for saying all this. I am so prideful, so selfish. It's all about me and what I want. But then I figure as long as I somehow twist it the slightest bit and add something about God or Jesus, it makes it alright.

Not true.

What a creature I am. But honestly, neither saying something nor not saying anything will make these thoughts go away. So it's really a lose-lose situation. Thus, I figure I might as well just get them out there and [hopefully] off my mind for at least awhile. Seriously, though. What am I going to do with myself? I feel like I'm about to go crazy.


'Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.'
[Psalm 55:22]

Ch. 443 - Shepherd of the Sheep

'May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.'
[Hebrews 13:20-21]

Ch. 442 - Undesirable?

' "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." '
[Joshua 24:15]

Ch. 441 - Continue

'So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.'
[Colossians 2:6-7]

Ch. 440 - In Due Time

'Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.'
[1 Peter 5:6]

Ch. 439 - Evaluate

I am such a hypocrite.
And the least Christ-like person I know.

I don't even know what to do with myself right now.
As much as I know God loves me and whatnot, I am really having a hard time seeing how He can right now. But I have no one to blame but myself for this, so I need to stop worrying about it and just lay it at the feet of Christ. God will let things settle the way He wants. I made this choice for myself, and that's that.


'Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint;
O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in
agony.
My soul is in anguish.
How long, O Lord, how long?

Turn, O Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.'
[Psalm 6:2-4]

Ch. 438 - Tolerance

Life is not fair.
But our God is.
Praise Him.


'The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and
gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or pay us according to our
iniquities.'
[Psalm 103:6-10]

......

Ch. 438, Part Two:

I don't have a lot of tolerance for injustice.
But I am a wicked, wretched person.
I can't do anything right and I basically don't deserve to live.

Ch. 437 - God Uplifts

God is constantly looking out for us and answering our prayers. And it's when you don't think He cares that He shows you the most love and attention. I think it's absolutely beautiful when He does so through someone you would least expect to say something that you need to hear. And when they say those words, you can just feel God's warmth and comfort pouring out. It's amazing what a few words from God, given to you through a wonderful friend, can do for one's spirit.


'Love the Lord, all his saints!
The Lord preserves the faithful,
but he proud he pays back in full.
Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.'
[Psalm 31:23-24]

Ch. 436 - Energize!

This was one of my devotionals for the day. Definitely helped me and I like what the author has to say.

It Takes Energy to Do God's Will

"Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer" (Psalm 94:19 LB)

'The fact is it takes energy to do God's will.
What do you do when you run out of energy?

God suggests when we're feeling uneasy, perhaps low on energy; we should be still and get quiet before him: "Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer" (Psalm 94:19 LB).

But many of us have trouble getting quiet. It's as if we are afraid of silence; it makes us very uncomfortable. The moment we get in the car, the radio or CD player goes on. The moment we get home, the TV goes on.

Yet, God, in a sense, says, "If you want to lower your stress, it's as simple as this: Shut up. Be silent. Stop talking and start listening."

I suggest that once a day you should go out in your backyard, sit down, and just be quiet. I'm not talking about reading your Bible. You ought to read your Bible every day, but I mean get alone for five minutes a day and be completely silent. Ask God a question, and then just sit and listen.

Sometimes we say, "God, I really need your guidance on this," and then we get up and walk off. We don't wait for an answer. Could it be the reason we never hear from God is we never listen?

Learn to take little mini-breaks during the day. When you feel your blood pressure rising, stop and say, "God, I want to tune in on you again. I want to focus in on you." I'm not suggesting thirty minutes of meditation. I'm talking about fifteen or twenty seconds. Just little mini-breaks to stop and be quiet.

Why is this important? Because the race of life is tough and, quite honestly, it's tough to live God's plan for your life. It's important to be still and know He is there.

Here's an easy formula I use: Divert daily, withdraw weekly, abandon annually. Get quiet once a day, take one day a week to rest, and always take some sort of vacation at least once a year.'

Ch. 435 - Crossing Fields and Oceans

'A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.'
[John A. Shedd]

We are not meant to be content.
We are not meant to be complacent.
We are not meant to be comfortable.

We are not supposed to be sitting at home, leading quiet lives.
If we were, we would still be in Eden.

We live in sin.
And chaos.
And hatred.
And unrighteousness.

But we live life surrounded by beauty.
By love.
By grace.
By mercy.

I often think about how ungrateful we are.
It hurts.
We have been given so much, but we offer so little in return.

We should be stretching ourselves!
In mind.
In heart.
In spirit.

We should be going out into our communities!
Our cities.
Our states.
Our world.

But most of all, we should be telling people about Christ!

Why aren't we?
What holds us back?
What are we so afraid of?

We can't live in peace.
We can't live in harmony.
We can't live in perfection.

No matter how hard we try, or distort our reality to convince ourselves we can, it will not happen. Not until all know the name of Jesus and believe on Him. And this cannot be unless we are willing to step outside of our comfort zones and cross borders, barriers, and boundaries.


'Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.'
[Psalm 96:1-3]

Ch. 434 - A New Challenge

I feel very burdened right now.

As a Christian, I feel obligated to love everyone. But I mean, I don't really have any trouble with that. I feel love for all people, because we are all children of God. I thus feel that everyone around me is equally deserving of being loved - not only by God, but by me, as well. And so I do. To the best of my ability, I love them. I fail often, but I try. Yet then my mind keeps going back to that thought of obligation. The feeling that I "have" to love people. I mean, it's commanded of me, right?

In Mark 12:31 Jesus says, '"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."' So it's not simply commanded, it's commanded by God Himself.

I can't go around ignoring that.

But I think that the fact that God does, indeed, tell us to do this that it makes it easier to do so. We want to please God. We want to do His will. It's in our nature, I think. Sure, there are people who look out for only themselves. But I want to believe that many people in this world are either people-pleasers or God-pleasers. Or both! If people are trying their hardest to please people, in a way I believe that it's because they love people. In turn, then, they are actually pleasing God, because that's what He wants of us. He wants us to love others. So people may be pleasing God without even realizing it! Oh, but how much more they would be pleasing God if they acknowledged His Son as their Lord and Savior...

So I've established a few things here.
A) We are commanded to love people.
B) There are a few different types of people in this world.
1. Those who live life for themselves.
2. Those who live life for others.
3. Those who live life for God.
- And those who live life in a combination of the last two.

Do you love others?

Are you loving them in such a way that they know Christ's love?

Are you living life for yourself?
Or are you living life for God?

Just some things to think about, I guess.


'We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.'
[1 John 3:14]

Ch. 433 - PRAY

It's now May 26 and I am one week behind in posts. I'm not going to make up those days. I had already gotten behind with the few posts before my last one, which is why they are merely verses. Anyway, I'm back and I don't plan on falling behind.

I guess I'll say what's been going through my mind the past week or so. My relationship with Christ is suffering. This is completely on me. I'm not going to make excuses. I haven't been as proactive as I should be, and it's taking a toll. I don't know. I've been alright about reading my Bible. But I realized today that what I have basically dropped completely is prayer. Now, this is very strange for me. I couldn't tell you how often I usually find myself praying throughout the day. And I love it. I love prayer. But for whatever reason, I just... don't pray much anymore. I'm not purposefully not praying. I'm not too busy to pray. I'm not "upset" with God or anything. I simply pray much, much less than I usually do.

I don't like it.

I think I just need a boost.
Some new energy.
Revitalization.
Encouragement.


'Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.'
[Psalm 4:1]

Ch. 432 - Actions and Truth

'Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.'
[1 John 3:18]

Ch. 431 - Rejecting Man

'For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.'
[1 Thessalonians 4:7-8]

Ch. 430 - Live Through Love

'Do everything in love.'
[1 Corinthians 16:14]

Ch. 429 - A Pending Pilgrimage

'Praise the Lord, all you servants of the
Lord
who minister by night in the house
of the Lord.
Lift up your hands in the sanctuary
and praise the Lord.
May the Lord, the Maker of heaven and
earth,
bless you from Zion.'
[Psalm 134]

Ch. 428 - Strength and Support

I need some down time with believers my own age.
ASAP.


'They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.'
[Acts 1:14]

Ch. 427 - Righteousness as a Shield

'Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner.'
[Proverb 13:6]

Ch. 426 - Freedom Forever

Ralph Ellison said, "When I discover who I am, I'll be free."

You know, sometimes I don't feel that I know who I am. I think it takes a lifetime and more to truly understand yourself. Hard a realization as that may be, it's true. I mean, you didn't create yourself. How could you comprehend every facet of your being?

I am realizing, however, all the more that "finding" myself doesn't really matter. It comes with time. There's no rush to do so. And what good does it do others?

Besides. I am already free. I am in Christ and He has set me free. My identity lies in Him and if anything, that's all I need to know about who I am.


'It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery.'
[Galatians 5:1]

Ch. 425 - Treacherous Adventure

This was one of my devotionals for today and I just loved it. It really captures recent thoughts and offers something in return for them. God is pretty cool like that.

'Worship Me by living close to Me. This was My original design for man, into whom I breathed My very breath of Life. This is my desire for you: that your stay near Me as you walk along your life-path. Each day is an important part of that journey. Although you may feel as if you are going nowhere in this world, your spiritual journey is another matter altogether, taking you along steep, treacherous paths of adventure. That is why walking in the Light of My Presence is essential to keep you from stumbling. By staying close to Me, you present yourself as a living sacrifice. Even th most routine part of your day can be a spiritual act of worship, holy and pleasing to Me.'

'... the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.'
[Genesis 2:7]

'Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.'
[Psalm 89:15]

'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrfices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.]
[Romans 12:1-2]

Ch. 424 - Gaining a Step

I am going to turn to God first in anything and everything.

Not my mom.
(Sorry, Mutti.)

Not my friends.

And certainly not myself in regards to my own thoughts and feelings.


'... make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.'
[2 Peter 1:5-8]

Ch. 423 - Anxious for the Remedy

My soul yearns for the day when all I will be doing is praising God.
Constant, beautiful, melodic praise.

In peace and holiness the angels will sing,

"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and
strength
and honor and glory and praise!"
[Revelation 5:12]

And those who are victorious over 'the beast and his image and over the number of his name will sing the song of Moses the servant of God and the song of the Lamb:

"Great and marvelous are your deeds,
Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are your ways,
King of the ages.
Who will not fear you, O Lord,
and bring glory to your name?
For you along are holy.
All nations will come
and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed." '
[Revelation 15:3-4]

I am so tired of living in this dark and ugly word of sin and hatred. I just want to be wholly surrounded with the love of God and the light of His Son.

I don't want to hunger.
I don't want to thirst.
I don't want to be scorched by heat.
I want to be led by my Shepherd.
I don't want to cry.
I don't want to deal with death.
I don't want to be in pain.
I want to be with my God.
[Revelation 7:16-17, 21:4]

But I can't always get what I want at the exact moment I want it.
And that's ok.
I still have lessons to learn.
I still have work to do.
People to meet.
People to reach out to.
People to love.

I mean, I do not hunger or thirst as so many people in this world do.
I do not have anything to cry or mourn over. I have no hardships.

There are people who are truly starving and parched. And not just for physical sustenance, but for the Word and Living Water of God. Eternal life. How blessed am I to have my needs met on a daily basis, both on physical and spirituals levels? Compared to what others may or may not have, I am too blessed.

I have my God as my Savior.
He is the author of my life.
'Author of salvation.'
And He is in me, as I am in Him.
This is more than I could ever ask for.

And that is why my heart aches to be with Him.
You know what?
I have hope in Jesus Christ.
I have faith in Christ.
I have peace in Christ.
But at the same time, I don't think I will never have absolute peace in my soul or heart because I am not home. I know that. Unfortunately, there are millions of people on this earth who do not know that their true home awaits them in heaven. They don't know that they belong with their true Father, our Lord God. Heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking.

Ch. 422 - Promises of God

In Christ we are made righteous.
[Romans 5:19]
We are dead to sin.
[Romans 6:11]
We are given eternal life.
[Romans 6:23 and John 3:15]
We are not condemned.
[Romans 8:1]
We are sanctified.
[1 Corinthians 1:2]
We are made alive.
[1 Corinthians 15:22]
We are made a new creation.
[2 Corinthians 5:17]
We are reconciled to God.
[2 Corinthians 5:19]
We are clothed with Christ.
[Galatians 3:27]
We are immeasurably blessed.
[Ephesians 1:3]
We are forgiven.
[Ephesians 1:7]
We are made the very righteousness of God.
[2 Corinthians 5:21]

As much as I'd like to take credit for putting these together, I can't. They come from the 'weekly wisdom' of ChristNotes. I like it. A lot.

Having now lived for twenty years, it's neat to realize how God has kept the promises He's made over the course of my life thus far. Praise God!

Ch. 421 - Pride Breeds Quarrels

'Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.'
[Proverb 13:10]

Ch. 420 - All of Creation, Praise

'Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.'
[Psalm 150:6]

Ch. 419 - Come and Gone

Oh goodness. I have completed my first year at Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly, Missouri. I don't even know where to begin...

Well. Over the past eight and a half months, I have come to love Central. I truly have. I love the size. I love the classes. I love the support. I love the administration and faculty. I love the students. I love Moberly. I honestly love everything about being at Central. I am so glad that God led me there. I'm still working a few things out, such as what I truly want to do in the future, where I really fit in at Central (even though there aren't many places to fit in), and how I can serve the school and community all the more during the rest of my time there.

I feel like God has really worked on my heart over the year. I also feel that I have grown a considerable amount and although I may not always seem like it, I have matured even more than I did during my first year of college. God is still teaching me patience, and I'm glad. Also, I've started to learn to truly capture my thoughts and turn them towards good things and Christ. For example, take my roommate situation... now, I'm not going to go into detail, but I don't know how many times I found myself wanting to say something rude and biting to my roommates over the months because of the way they acted, things they constantly talked about, etc. I loved them as sisters in Christ - I just didn't like them very well... make sense? I mean, we had a few good times and laughs together, sure, but I would never have chosen to room with them (or even be friends with them) had I known them beforehand. I'm surprised I didn't bite my tongue in half over time, though. But I figure biting my tongue and capturing my thoughts are things I will need to do in the future. I'm pretty sure I can survive anything after what I put up with year. I've probably jinxed myself in saying that, but I've got three and a half months to not worry about a single thing, so I'll take my chances.

I've also learned that I have, for the most part, had a perfect life. No such thing, you say? I suppose it depends on your definition of perfect. One also might say that all Christians have it "good" and that they don't know pain or suffering or abuse or injustice. These assumptions are completely false. I have learned not only from teachers this year, but fellow students and believers. I think learning takes place outside the classroom just as much as inside. And you know, I could have learned everything I was tested on and had to do assignments over from books. However, there is great value in taking classes and learning material from teachers. You get insight, in-depth knowledge, wisdom, and personal stories that help you understand the curriculum all the better - and trust me when I say I'm all for that! I simply believe that you can learn more about life in living and meeting people and getting to know them. You wouldn't believe what seemingly half of our student body has gone through in the course of their lives. Drugs, alcohol, rape, molestation, persecution, death, depression - the list goes on. You name it, someone has endured and overcome it. Everyone has a story. You can learn from each of them. The best part is that there's a happy ending in that they have come to know their Lord God and Savior. I like to consider it the ending to their life's prequel. And so they're in the midst of living out their true, never-ending life story! That's a beautiful realization.

There is definitely way more that I learned this year, but at this point in time I don't have time to think about everything and write it all out. Maybe I'll do more in the upcoming days, we'll see. I'm just glad that I've been able to go Central and get started in my training to be a better servant for God's Kingdom. He's the ultimate Teacher, though, and I'm excited to see what He teaches me over the years.


'For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ...'
[Titus 2:11-13]

Ch. 418 - A Glorious Morning

I didn't sleep last night. I stayed up throughout the night and morning to study for my Hebrew test. Eeeeeeyeah. I should really learn to heed to my own advice and whatnot. Some day, perhaps... Anyway, I stopped working around 6:45 and freshened up a bit. The sun was coming up beautifully and the sky was already showing promise of turning a brilliant blue. I walked out to the patio behind Pelfrey and sat on the swing. I just sat and talked to God for maybe forty-five minutes, enjoying the lovely morning. It wasn't too chilly, and when I turned my face to the sun it felt really nice. I looked out to the soccer fields and it was neat to see a mist covering the ground. I love things like that. God's beauty is even in the mists of the world... my goodness. I hadn't started feeling tired yet, but I'm pretty sure the joy I received from being outside on such a mornnig and the fact that I had such a great personal time with God certainly helped me make it through the day until after my Hebrew final. Then I crashed pretty hard around noon. Typical.

God has been so good to me.


'They raise their voices, they shout for joy; from the west they acclaim the Lord's majesty.'
[Isaiah 24:14]

Ch. 417 - No Worries

Today I saw a friend come out of Pelfrey Hall crying. She had just attempted to take an Introduction to Philosophy final and didn't even get halfway through. She simply is not a good test-taker and no matter how much she prepares for tests, she just doesn't do well. She's figured out that she will basically fail the class and was pretty upset - and with good reason. I mean, failing a class isn't a good time for anyone... I didn't really know what to say. I just listened to her and asked her a few questions regarding discussing the situation with her professor and such. Before we went our separate ways, however, I ended up reminding her that grades are not everything.
You are not admitted into heaven based on your grade point average.
Grades don't affect your ministry.
They don't affect you as a person.
They don't affect your ability to grow closer to God.
At least... they shouldn't.

So here we go. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I am a very stress-free person. I don't worry about a whole lot. And that includes school.

Here's the thing. I'm worked my tail off all year. And I've excelled. I am passionate about what I'm learning and it makes learning so much more exciting and even somewhat easy, it seems. Now, I'm not going to lie. My relationship with God has suffered now and then because of my studies, I feel. There were times when I focused so much on schoolwork that I would not make any time for God. And that's not a good thing. Another thing, I procrastinate. I work well under pressure. I always get everything done on time, and it's not like I am completely careless and slap things together. My work is done in an orderly fashion; it's neat, thorough, and well-done, if I may so myself. It really is a source of pride for me. But it's a healthy pride, in my opinion. Anyway, the one thing I regret procrastinating on this year has been my word study paper for Hebrew.

Situation:

I decided to do my word study on the word tabernacle.
Bad.
choice.
I started doing my paper last night - two days before it's due - and I was getting nowhere. The word is just so absolute, you know? A tabernacle is a tabernacle. It's a dwelling place and that's it. It's most often found in Exodus of the Old Testament, when God is giving instructions how it should be constructed and whatnot. So I decided to change my word to mercy. It's more complex and definitely one of my favorite attributes of God and people. I figured it would be much more interesting. And it is! I started my paper around 5:30 this evening and spent a lot of time on it, because I really wanted to go in-depth and everything. I was starting to finish things up and needed a couple more sources. I was looking through the card catalog on a computer and ended up chatting with a girl who's in my Hebrew class. She was working on her paper, too, and mentioned something about lovingkindnesses. I froze. I asked her what her word is, even though I already knew. "Chesed," she answered. Chesed is my word. Oh boy. You see, chesed can be translated many ways. So we had the same base word, but I decided to go with mercy instead of lovingkindness, as she had. My teacher said that nobody in the class should be doing their studies on the same word.

Great.

And that's where I am right now. But I mean, I have basically finished the paper. I really don't want to start a new paper. So you know what? I'm not going to. My teacher can reprimand me all he wants and give me a bad grade - or no grade - and I've decided that I simply do not care. It's not a big deal. I'm going to pass the class, and if that's the one class I don't get an A in, it will not matter. God doesn't care if I get a B or even a C in Elementary Hebrew. And I don't plan on working on Hebrew translation in the future, anyway...

I'd much rather just be done with the paper and not stress about writing a new one. I'll be able to spend the time I would have spent writing the paper hanging out with God or something. I'd rather receive a bad grade on a stupid paper and get to spend time with my God than let grades become more important than my relationship with God. Granted this is a one-time ordeal, likely. But seriously.

I'm not saying that I'm going to stop trying and giving my best in all that I do. But I do need to remind myself now and then that I can take a break here and there. I can't let my studies take priority over knowing my Lord God. I wouldn't even be able to go to school or have the ability to do well in my classes if it weren't for Him.

Get it?
Got it.
Good.


'I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.'
[Psalm 3:5]

Ch. 416 - Impacts, Part Two

God works on our hearts over time. I don't think He rules over our lives or guides us using an on/off switch. He purposefully presents us with opportunities and places people in our paths when He sees fit and then continues to watch over us. Everything He does is for our benefit - even when it doesn't seem like it is... and even when what we go through may be new or nerve racking.

The summer after my ninth grade year my church's senior hi youth went to Toronto on a mission trip. I was excited to go on my first senior hi mission trip. I had gone on my very first mission trip earlier in the summer when I was a shepherd (high school leader) for the mid hi mission trip to Des Moines, Iowa. Anyway, I didn’t know what to expect, but that was probably for the best.

This was to be the mission trip that awakened me from my slumber.

I was put on the team that would work with people at St. Jude’s Academy of the Arts. St. Jude's is a school that works with mentally and physically challenged kids and adults. I was nervous, because I had never worked with special needs people before. Our team worked mostly with young adults. I soon realized that I had nothing to be nervous about. Even though the adults were considerably older than I, they were basically like children. Throughout the week we all played games, sang songs, drew pictures, told stories and jokes, and simply spent time together.

The thing that struck me the hardest was the fact that the 'students' of St. Jude's loved you for you.
It didn't matter what you looked like.
It didn't matter where you came from.
It didn't matter who your parents were.
If you gave the students the smallest bit of attention, they were ecstatic.

They loved me and, in turn, I loved them back.
... It would have been hard not to.

The Thursday we were at St. Jude's was the most memorable day of the week. Thursday was praise day. Each week a group of people (a local praise band) comes to St. Jude’s to play worship songs (or at least they had been doing so up to the point I was there). In the afternoon, everybody assembled in the main room. The band had set up and soon we were all singing along with the band – everybody. These young adults, often made fun of and ridiculed for something they have no control over, were lifting their hands and singing as loud as they possibly could about God.
About love.
About mercy.
About Jesus.

They danced.
They hugged.
They laughed.

That day, something in my heart told me that these people understood what they were singing about just as well as I did. Their worship was holy and pure. They didn't hold back. God’s presence completely surrounded us. I will never forget that day, as cliché as that may sound.

In the evening of that day, our youth group partook in a feet-washing ceremony. It was then that I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I had learned so much in that week and everything I participated in - not just in going to St. Jude's - touched me in such a way that I was finally able to realize what I was missing. The mid hi mission trip to Des Moines also played a part in my acceptance. You know, I had basically grown up in the church, although there was a five-year hiatus between third and fifth grade. I would say that I understood the concept of God, His Son and their love at a pretty early age, but never realized how much I needed to truly accept Christ into my heart until that summer.

It's truly amazing how greatly people can affect your life. Thank God for all of His children. We don't have the right to disregard anyone. God created the men on the street corners, begging for change. God created the babies with the cleft lips. God created the children that have Down Syndrome. Christ accepts every one. We are all alike in His sight. We are all beautiful and whole. We have set limits upon ourselves based on judgments and distorted expectations. What a shame.


'But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." '
[1 Samuel 16:7]

Ch. 415 - Impacts, Part One

On April 24, 2000 Oprah Winfrey's television show's theme was Romanian orphanages. I watched the show with my mom that spring afternoon. I honestly don't remember much about the show, except for one part. Cameras showed viewers the inside of the orphanage - this gave them a glimpse into what a day was like for the orphans. It was as easy as standing in a doorway and looking into a room. This is because the children stayed in their beds - cribs, really, and thus more like jail cells - all day, rocking themselves back and forth. Back and forth, back and forth. That's how they amused and comforted themselves. They had basically no human contact. No interaction. No joy. These poor children had nothing and no one.

Now, I don't recall this, but my mom tells me that I asked her, "Why doesn't anyone love those children?"

Almost ten years later, whenever I think about this, I basically break down. Quite the 'feat' for me. I can't help it. People may say "Life is not fair" but how many people even understand what unfairness truly is?

Honestly.

"She got one more cookie than I did. Not fair!"
"He got more recognition than I did. Not fair!"
"They got to have a longer vacation. Not fair!"
And so it goes, on and on.

The way these children live is not fair.
The way these children are treated is not fair.
The way these children are unloved is not fair.

It's when I think about things like this that I do an evaluation. I mean, I have so much, you know? I have clothing. I have a home. I have educational opportunities. I have a supportive family. I have a God who loves me. I have everything I could ask for and more. I am rich with blessings. And why? I don't even know. I could just have easily been born into this world destined to be a Romanian orphan. I could have spent my entire childhood in a bed, constantly rocking myself to sleep. I would be cross-eyed from looking up at the ceiling all the time and focusing in on my nose (and in Romania, people who are cross-eyed are considered to be mentally retarded). I would have no family. No faith, likely. No love. No joy. No hope. No future.

There's nothing I can do right now other than be thankful and praise God for all that He is and all that He gives. I can pray. I have done a bit of research today and read that apparently, Romanian orphanages have improved a bit since having world exposure on shows such as 20/20, Dateline, and yes, Oprah. The reason they initially came to be in such poor condition and be so filled with children is that Romanians were encouraged and pressured to have five or more children by communist leader Nicolae Ceausescu. In fact, he banned birth control in 1967, leading to a wave of abandoned children who ended up in state institutions that were completely underfunded. Even with supposed improvements, the government cares very little about the orphans of Romania. Adoption is also incredibly limited. Thankfully, foreign workers are allowed to come in and help at the orphanages. This is basically the best and only way for these children to come to know what love is and be treated like the humans that they are.

I know that God has a plan for every single one of His creatures... but it's examples such as this that make it easy for me to see how people can ask, "How can a perfect, good, and loving God let things like this happen?"


'Defend the cause of the weak and
fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and
oppressed.
Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the
wicked.'
[Psalm 82:2-4]

Ch. 414 - Light the Fire [Again]

' "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see." '
[Revelation 3:17-18]

I've had the following song stuck in my head this evening. I really like it, but I haven't heard it in a while. We sang it pretty often in youth group. Even though I believe that I'm doing pretty well, and that I'm certainly continuing to grow closer to God, I need an extra bit of... something. I like the line 'I need Your discipline' because that's how I feel right now. And it's true.

'Don't let my love grow cold
I'm calling out, light the fire again
Don't let my vision die
I'm calling out, light the fire again

You know my heart, my deeds
I'm calling out, light the fire again
I need Your discipline
I'm calling out, light the fire again

I'm here to buy gold refined in the fire
Naked and poor, wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white, so I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again'
[Light the Fire Again]

Ch. 413 - His Love

'Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.'
[1 Chronicles 16:34]

Ch. 412 - The Ability

'You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.'
[Deuteronomy 8:17-18a]

Ch. 411 - Command

'Remember how the enemy has
mocked you, O Lord,
how foolish people have reviled
your name.
Do not hand over the life of your dove
to wild beasts;
do not forget the lives of your
afflicted people forever.
Have regard for your covenant,
because haunts of violence fill the
dark places of the land.
Do not let the oppressed retreat in
disgrace;
may the poor and needy praise your
name.
Rise up, O God, and defend your cause;
remember how fools mock you all day long.
Do not ignore the clamor of your
adversaries,
the uproar of your enemies, which
rises continually.
[Psalm 74:18-23; emphasis my own]

We are always so willing to tell God what to do and great at expecting everything of Him... but we are unwilling to listen to what He wants us to do and awful at obeying Him.

Ch. 410 - One God

God keeps reminding me that there is no God but God. There is nothing else and no one else like Him. He is Everything and more to all whose minds and hearts turn to Him. I love simplistic reminders such as this. It's the most basic of things that we seem to look over or forget about as time passes.

There is no God but God.
He is good all the time.
He wants a relationship.
He lives in my heart.
He created me.
He loves me.

I don't know why this has been on my mind lately, but it has and so I'm going to go with it. Perhaps it's because I only have three days of classes left and I'm ready to be out of school-mode, but... who cares that the word "propitiation" is a fancy way of saying that Jesus Christ satisfied, or fulfilled, God's wrath by dying on the cross? Alright, so Jesus was an atoning sacrifice for mankind's sins. I'm thankful for what He did for us; I think about that every day. I mean, I owe my life - my true life - to what He did. It's no surprise that the sacrifice of God's Son is something I think about every day. But how often do I think about the fact that God gives me every breath I take? And how often do I think about the people of the world and how they are God's lost children? He is the One God to all... even though not everybody knows this.

Don't push aside thoughts that you think are menial. Don't make whatever God is trying to tell you seem of little importance. Chances are, you need to be reminded of whatever it is that He is reaching out to you with.

So let me say it again:
There is no God but God.


' "O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below - you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way." '
[1 Kings 8:23]

' "This is what the Lord says - Israel's King and Redeemer, the Lord Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God." '
[Isaiah 44:6]

Ch. 409 - "Philadelphia!"

"I want to be a Jonathan to him."

A friend said something like this to me this evening, regarding a mutual friend of ours.

I liked it.

David and Jonathan.

Bromance?
Indeed.

Not only did Jonathan become "one in spirit with David" and love David as himself [1 Samuel 18:1]... but David later said, "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women," as he lamented over the deaths of Saul and Jonathan [2 Samuel 1:26].

The love these men had for one another is nothing to scoff at.

To love another as yourself is more difficult than it may sound.
And to risk your life in order to ensure the safety of another isn't something most people would be willing to do.


'Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above
yourselves.'
[Romans 12:10]

Ch. 408 - God With Us

I am so glad that I am loved by a living God.
Emmanuel.
He is with me now and forever.
I am seeking Him and finding Him all the more.
I know Him and He knows me.

Praise God!

God let His presence be known throughout the day.

'Worship Me. Worship Me. Worship Me.'

You can hear His voice in the song of the robin.
You can feel His touch in the gentle breeze.
You can smell His aroma in the sweetness of the air.
You can see His beauty in the people around you.

Open your mind.
Open your eyes.
Open your heart.


'He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:10]

Ch. 407 - In His Name

I was reading in Acts today and came across this verse: ' "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." '
[Acts 4:12]

This is a frequently quoted verse. Understandable. It's a pretty good one. I mean, there's such truth to it. It's even a truth that doesn't "hurt" and people desire truth. Anyway, what I wanted to mention is how often the verses leading up to Acts 4:12 are overlooked.

In chapter three, Peter heals a crippled beggar [in the name of Jesus Christ]. He and John then go on to teach 'the people' and proclaim in Jesus the resurrection of the dead [Acts 4:2]. They are then arrested and brought before elders, priests, etc. They ask Peter and John, ' "By what power or what name did you do this?" ' [Acts 4:7]

Acts 4:8-11 says this: 'Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: "Ruler and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. He is 'the stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone.' " '

I think what stands out to me the most is when Peter says they crucified Christ but God raised Him from the dead. I remember in Acts class it was drilled into our minds that we killed Christ, through our sins. This made quite the impact on me, so when I read these verses today it made it more meaningful. It's cool to see how classes are impacting my life, including my beliefs. I like this. I also love how Peter points out that it was in the name of Jesus Christ that the crippled beggar was healed. There is such power in His name and I think we are quick to forget that.

Ch. 406 - Turning the Tables

I need some encouragement.
Or is it that I want some encouragement?

I can't really tell.
And I don't like that.

I need some change.
I'll get on that soon... maybe.

I feel hopeless.
I have hope in Christ, sure.
But what does that even mean?
Seriously.
You know what, though?
I don't really want to think right now.
Apathetic?
Oh yes.

What is wrong with me?

Pray.


'Test everything. Hold on to the good.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:21]

Ch. 405 - Children of God

'We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true - even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.'
[1 John 5:19-20]

Ch. 404 - For Your Own Good

' "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent." '
[Revelation 3:19]

Ch. 403 - Rested in Him

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say, "I'm tired..." after I have asked them, "How are you?" Another is when people say "I'm bored..." but I hear the former more often and it's slightly more irritating than the latter response. Anyway, I thus make a conscious effort to dig a little deeper and get them to say something else. And you basically never hear me tell people I'm tired when they ask me how I am. Now, I may say, "I'm good! A little tired... but good!" but I don't immediately answer using the word 'tired' and leave it at that. The thing is, I am rarely tired these days. I may not get the true-blue amount of sleep I need each night, but I don't find it entirely difficult to function throughout the day with less than my preferred amount of sleep.

I honestly think that God gives me the true rest that I need and that my soul is revived every morning regardless of how many hours I sleep. And you know what? Whether I've gotten three hours of sleep or ten hours of sleep, days seem to go so much better when, first thing in the morning, I talk to God and consciously recognize the fact that He restores me and will be with me every minute of every hour. I am also much more likely to fully seek God throughout the day and call on Him to guide and help me.

In doing this, I feel energized.
I feel prepared.
I feel strong.

There is so much joy to be had in every day. We shouldn't be wasting time bumming around, exclaiming that we're tired or bored. I don't care how true it is, do something about it and move on! If you're honestly that tired, get some sleep! If you're seriously bored enough to say that you are bored, find something to do!

Go volunteer.
Play a game.
Exercise.
Strike up a conversation with someone.
Read your Bible.
Talk with God.

Turn to Him in all things.

Our God is the Creator of the entire universe. He gave you life and love and eternal salvation. He is, by far, the most exciting Being that we could ever hope to know. He is also restful. He created a day of rest, for goodness' sake. He can give rest, as well. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps you're not even truly physically tired? Maybe your spirit or mind needs rest. God can give you this if you so desire. Let Him. Chances are, it would do you a world of good twice over.


' "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." '
[Psalm 46:10]

Ch. 402 - Only Him

About a week ago, I was reading in Psalms and came across this verse:

'Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.'
[Psalm 73:25]

This question and statement completely floored me. We know that in heaven we will be rejoicing and praising our Lord God, giving Him all honor and glory. Everything will be centered around Him, constantly. And I'm glad. Yet it should be that way here on earth, as well. We should be seeking God out continually, giving Him all honor and glory. 'And earth has nothing nothing I desire besides you.' If we were truly focused on God and wanting to seek nothing but Him, I think we would realize all the more that this earth truly does not hold anything greater. There is nothing comparable to God, granted, but I honestly think that we do desire things other than God more than we should. This is because we already 'have' God. We say that we know Him, love Him, and serve Him. So that must obviously mean that we do not need to seek Him; we do not need to desire Him. Thus we may then desire other things: a loving spouse, a good job, a nice home, happiness, etc. Now, I'm not saying that it is bad to desire these things. On the contrary, they are good compared to desiring things such as power and wealth. No matter - we should always desire God above all else... because it is God who is able to grant our desires. Our Lord God is everything. Without Him, we are nothing. Desire Him.

Ch. 401 - Typical, but True

'A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.'
[Proverb 29:23]

I am prideful.
But I don't consider it to be one of my greater weaknesses.
Even so.
It's something to work on.

I had something else I wanted to talk about, but I'm tired and don't feel like taking the time to actually write about what's been on my mind and heart.

Tomorrow.

Ch. 400 - Would You?

'You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'
[Romans 5:6-8]

Ch. 399 - An Honest Love

'Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'
[1 John 4:11-12]

All this year, I've thought, "I am not growing. I am not supposed to be here. I should have stayed in Utah. I am not becoming closer to God. People here do not care. They're not focused."

I have been lying to myself.

I am growing.
I am supposed to be here.
I am becoming closer to God.

I have been judgmental.

People here do care.
They are focused.

Granted, this cannot be said true for everybody. But I have come across more people that it can be said true for than I thought I would over the months. And while it's taken me awhile to find those people, I have done so and am incredibly thankful for God placing those people in my life. I know there are numerous others here at Central Christian College of the Bible who love God and are actively seeking Him every day of their lives, just as I attempt to. I say 'attempt' because there are days when I am an absolute failure. That is okay. I am able to say it is okay because I know that while I may not always pursue God, I know He is pursuing me at all times.

For this, I praise God for His infinite, unconditional love!

Another reason I praise God for His love is because I have been given the gift of love from Him, so that I may love others. And although I am trying to use this gift to its fullest extent, I oftentimes fail at doing this. Fortunately, it's a love that is never-ending. I can love, and love, and love, and love some more. Now, here's the thing. I love people. It's simple. I love people. But actively sharing this love with people is difficult. I don't always know what love looks like to people. I don't know how they best feel loved. Or how easily they accept love. I am glad that loving God is easy. I know that no matter what, He will accept my love. But I am not commanded to love only God. And challenges that are presented to me when I try to share my love with others only makes my love stronger. Yet I don't want to force it on anyone. As much as I'd like to do so at times, it's ultimately up to them to accept that love that I extend. They can take as long as they'd like. I'm not going to reach out to them and then withdraw or suddenly turn my back. It will always be there for the taking.

' "This is my command: Love each other." '
[John 15:17]

Not only do I have this deep love for people, but I also have a profound interest in the people around me. Some might say that being interested in people and loving them are one and the same, but I disagree. You can love everyone, but not be truly interested in them... just as you can be truly interested in everyone, but not love them. But over time I have realized what a fascination I have with people. I can only imagine how strange or even creepy that may sound, but I know that everybody has a story. And I think it's safe to say that everyone enjoys a good story. I like to learn about people. I like to learn where they are in life, what they are about, what their relationship with God looks like, and what I can do for them in both the present and future.

I was thinking today and realized what I have just stated is exactly what I want throughout the rest of my life.
I want to talk with people and learn about them.
I want to hear their stories.
I want to simply listen.

I want to love people.

Above all, I want to let people know of God's love.
I want to let them know of God's Sacrifice.
I want to let them know of God's Son.
I want to let them know of God's Grace.
Peace.
Mercy.
Justice.
Salvation.


'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth, so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.'
[1 Peter 1:22]

......

Ch. 399, Part Two:

I have more love than I know what to do with.
Most times I don't know where to begin or who to go to.
Which is why most people don't know about this extreme love that I do have.
So help me.
Please.
Accept some of my love.
Tell me what you want.
Tell me what you need.
I don't want anything in return.
All that I could ever hope for is the acknowledgment that you know and feel my love in truth and through my actions.

Ch. 398 - Developments

I have a voice.
But I don't have opportunities to let it be heard.
I like to listen.
But that's all I do.
I can lead.
I can respond.
Give feedback.
Give love.

Let me.


'The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. "Master," he said, "you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more." His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" '
[Matthew 25:20-21]

Ch. 397 - Taking Advantage

God's redeeming love continues to work in our lives, even throughout the most difficult of times. He meets us where we are, always. He is able to make something good and meaningful out of tragedy - it just may take some time for us to realize what, exactly, those good and meaningful things are. We shouldn't focus on the negative things and miss God's blessings and new life that He pours out constantly.


'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.'
[Ephesians 1:3]

Ch. 396 - Affirming Righteousness

Satan cannot touch us.
That's not to say that he doesn't deserve a good kick in the booty now and then.
Seriously, though.
Who does he think he is?
Doesn't he realize that all of his attempts at division and contempt and dissonance within the body of Christ simply makes it stronger over time?
You would think that he'd learn his lesson after each and every one of his failures. What a loser.


'When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.'
[Proverbs 10:19]

Ch. 395 - Whoaaa

Sometimes I become so excited about things I'm passionate for that I often get in over my head. I need to slow down, take a step back, and just let God work things out. Because He will.


'Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.'
[Psalm 145:13]

He is in control.

Ch. 394 - I Believe

'Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)'
[John 20:6-9)

Ch. 393 - Putting on Righteousness

'But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.'
[1 Thessalonians 5:8]

Ch. 392 - Our King

'They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on Him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.'
[Matthew 27:28-31]

This is a well-known part of the Passion of Christ. I mean, it seems as if men and women, old and young, of many faiths - not just Christianity - have heard, recognize, or believe that Jesus Christ suffered and was mocked... and that He was clothed with a scarlet robe, a crown of thorns on His head. He was called "King of the Jews" by the Roman soldiers.

This is not a new story to me. Not only do I hear it a few times during the Easter season, I also read it in my regular Bible readings. Usually when I have read a passage of the Bible many times, I find that something different stands out to me each time. The above verses were definitely what has stood out to me the most during this Holy Week. I really think that God is working on me in regards to justice. As it seems to be coming up more and more, I think and pray about justice more than I ever have before.

What happened to Jesus was not fair.
He was wrongly hated.
He was wrongly accused.
He was wrongly tortured.
He was wrongly mocked.
[Note: Galatians 6:7 says, 'God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.' Those soldiers have it coming.]
But He was rightly crucified.

Think about that.

The only reason I believe I can say this is because He knew what He was sent by His Father to do. He knew it would happen. He knew it had to happen. That technically doesn't make it any more "right" in our eyes, because He is our Lord God. He is our Lamb. He is our King.

But as Jesus Himself said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." [John 10:13]

Ch. 391 - His Love is Constant

'You can’t hurry love.
No, you just have to wait.'

These are lines from Diana Ross’ song, You Can’t Hurry Love.

I heard it at a restaurant where I was eating dinner with my grandparents and my cousin, Christopher, after attending a Maundy Thursday service at my grandparents’ church. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this song throughout my life. I like it a lot, it’s pretty catchy and I like Diana Ross’ voice. It’s one of those songs of which the lyrics are simple and repetitive, but sweet. It’s one of those songs that easily becomes stuck in your head… and it’s one of those songs that really just won’t ever get old. It’s a classic, in a sense. Anyway, for whatever reason, the two lines I wrote above really stuck out to me. The first time I heard them tonight, I thought, ‘That’s not true.’ In the sense that Ross meant it, it is true, yes. But what I thought of first was God’s love. His love is constant. It can't be waited for. It can’t even be instantaneous – for anyone – because He has always loved and always will. It may take some waiting on His end for us to love Him, but that’s only because we’re foolish humans who can’t even comprehend what true love is.

I’m so thankful for that love which is mine.
It’s a love that I don’t have to hurry because I will have it for all time.
It’s a love that I don’t have to wait for.

Praise God for His love.


' "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." '
[John 17:26]

Ch. 390 - God is Power

'At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation. All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have you done?" '
[Daniel 4:34-35]

Ch. 389 - Emotional Acting

Mankind in America.

We are taught to use emotion to the best of our abilities - especially to get what we want. Think of something that America's known for...
Media.
Movies.
Acting.
Through this medium of "art" we see an exaggeration of emotion and the outcomes of those exaggerations. Why do we often exaggerate? To be noticed. To get attention. Even to embarrass others or guilt people into helping us.

Guilt people into helping us?
"Aye, there's the rub."

If we think we know what reactions we need certain people to have...
'I need to make this person laugh so they'll want to help me.'
'I need to make this person sad so they'll want to help me.'
... then we're going to do whatever it takes to get the outcome we want. The thing is, we go so far as to think that we have to get God to "see" us in a certain way to help us. We think that by acting a certain way we can guilt Him into helping us.

'Oh, if I weep and cry out to God, He'll be completely willing to help me! He'll see what distress I'm in and feel sorry for me and want to make everything all better. And so then I'll take whatever little bit I get and think of it as a huge sign from God that He's heard me!'

Great.

But God doesn't help us based on our acting ability.
He doesn't take into account the number of tears we cry or how far our sobbing voices resound.

He looks at our hearts.

Selfish desires get you nowhere.
Don't let emotions continually get in your way of living a life that is obedient to the true will of God. Discerning what it is that He wants of you may take longer than you'd like, but that should not matter.


'It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.'
[Psalm 18:32-36]

Ch. 388 - Praise of His Glory

So I'm pretty sure I was supposed to go to China for Central Christian College of the Bible's Outreach Week.
Actually, I'm very sure.
But there can't be anything done about that now.
And that's okay.
It truly is.
"There's no use crying over spilled milk!"
Even if it's chocolate milk. Which is, apparently, what I'm comparing China to... ? I must be really tired.

Anyway. Tonight I was talking to a good friend about the whole situation and this is something he said:

"I understand the hurt over the wrong decision or missed opportunity, but the past is the past. Don't dwell on it too much and get yourself down, learn from it. Maybe this was a small failure so that you would be ready to make a much bigger decision in the future and follow through with it."

Follow through.
This is really important to me.

I think I know what I'm going to ask God to teach me next.


'In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.'
[Ephesians 1:11-12]