March 31, 2008
Ch. 76 - Lookin' Good!
I have not showered since Saturday.
Saturday evening, granted, but still.
Saturday.
I wasn't even planning on showering today, but I am very hungry and need food. This means I need to either a) go to the grocery store, or b) go over to the HC. Either way, getting food means 'going' somewhere. I have some food in my room I could eat. But I really want a sandwich from the sandwich-lady and some delectable Caesar salad, which I have only just discovered a couple weeks ago and can't get enough of.
Which means I need to shower.
But I wasn't planning on showering today.
It's good for your hair to let the natural oils flow from your scalp for a few days, at least once a month.
But guess what?
It's not acceptable in our society to have greasy hair and smell nothing like roses or peaches and cream. People cringe. They take a couple steps away, oh-so-discreetly. They make gestures that I'm sure they don't consider rude, like pinching their noses and turning their heads a complete 180 degrees away from the offensive factors (I've seen people do this, mostly on TRAX, not going to lie).
It's sad.
Now, chances are people wouldn't treat me like that. I have clean clothes. I can at least wash my face. I really don't smell, honestly. And no, I'm not trying to convince myself that I don't.
So here I am, torn. I don't want to shower every day now, because it wastes water. And seriously people, natural oil. Hello. You know, some people don't have the chance to but maybe once a week - I know for many, even less. But I want to shower almost more than once a day, because I am so fortunate that I can if I want to. And it's college. I don't have to pay the water bill. I don't want to take it for granted. But then I feel bad, because it's true. Many people out there can't. Or don't even have indoor plumbing available to them on the street. Ever think about the African bush? No indoor plumbing, I'm pretty sure. Yet the Maasai do just fine without it.
Nope.
Not showering.
There's snow on the ground.
I can get away with wearing a hat.
And some deodorant.
That's always a good idea.
And "you're never fully dressed without a smile."
I can't believe I just quoted Annie.
Forgive me.
Honestly, though. God loves all of His children - just as they are. It doesn't matter if they shower four times a day or four times a year. He does not have more love for one over another.
'Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.'
[1 Peter 3:3-4]
......
Ch. Seventy-Six, Part Two:
My title is part of a comedy routine by Sinbad from 1989. It's a big joke within our family. Love it. Love, love, love it.
"Gurrrl! Yo' hair be lookin' good! Whattcho been doin'?"
"Oh, I just been washin' it, conditionin' it."
Saturday evening, granted, but still.
Saturday.
I wasn't even planning on showering today, but I am very hungry and need food. This means I need to either a) go to the grocery store, or b) go over to the HC. Either way, getting food means 'going' somewhere. I have some food in my room I could eat. But I really want a sandwich from the sandwich-lady and some delectable Caesar salad, which I have only just discovered a couple weeks ago and can't get enough of.
Which means I need to shower.
But I wasn't planning on showering today.
It's good for your hair to let the natural oils flow from your scalp for a few days, at least once a month.
But guess what?
It's not acceptable in our society to have greasy hair and smell nothing like roses or peaches and cream. People cringe. They take a couple steps away, oh-so-discreetly. They make gestures that I'm sure they don't consider rude, like pinching their noses and turning their heads a complete 180 degrees away from the offensive factors (I've seen people do this, mostly on TRAX, not going to lie).
It's sad.
Now, chances are people wouldn't treat me like that. I have clean clothes. I can at least wash my face. I really don't smell, honestly. And no, I'm not trying to convince myself that I don't.
So here I am, torn. I don't want to shower every day now, because it wastes water. And seriously people, natural oil. Hello. You know, some people don't have the chance to but maybe once a week - I know for many, even less. But I want to shower almost more than once a day, because I am so fortunate that I can if I want to. And it's college. I don't have to pay the water bill. I don't want to take it for granted. But then I feel bad, because it's true. Many people out there can't. Or don't even have indoor plumbing available to them on the street. Ever think about the African bush? No indoor plumbing, I'm pretty sure. Yet the Maasai do just fine without it.
Nope.
Not showering.
There's snow on the ground.
I can get away with wearing a hat.
And some deodorant.
That's always a good idea.
And "you're never fully dressed without a smile."
I can't believe I just quoted Annie.
Forgive me.
Honestly, though. God loves all of His children - just as they are. It doesn't matter if they shower four times a day or four times a year. He does not have more love for one over another.
'Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.'
[1 Peter 3:3-4]
......
Ch. Seventy-Six, Part Two:
My title is part of a comedy routine by Sinbad from 1989. It's a big joke within our family. Love it. Love, love, love it.
"Gurrrl! Yo' hair be lookin' good! Whattcho been doin'?"
"Oh, I just been washin' it, conditionin' it."
March 30, 2008
Ch. 75 - Again
I didn't go to The Mount tonight.
Again.
I'm sleeping, instead.
Horrible.
Absolutely, positively horrible.
'Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.'
[Hebrews 10:25]
Again.
I'm sleeping, instead.
Horrible.
Absolutely, positively horrible.
'Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.'
[Hebrews 10:25]
March 29, 2008
Ch. 74 - Raise Up
I need to stop.
Here I am, complaining every day.
When in reality I have nothing to complain about.
I have friends.
I have family.
I have God.
I am loved.
And I love.
I have education.
I have rights.
I have life.
Feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere in life.
Feeling sorry for myself makes me selfish.
Feeling sorry for myself lets me give up.
And to me, giving up in that sense is surrendering.
I don't want to surrender.
At least not for anything, or anyone, but God.
' "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." ' ... ' "You know the way to the place where I am going." '
[John 14:1,4]
Here I am, complaining every day.
When in reality I have nothing to complain about.
I have friends.
I have family.
I have God.
I am loved.
And I love.
I have education.
I have rights.
I have life.
Feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere in life.
Feeling sorry for myself makes me selfish.
Feeling sorry for myself lets me give up.
And to me, giving up in that sense is surrendering.
I don't want to surrender.
At least not for anything, or anyone, but God.
' "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." ' ... ' "You know the way to the place where I am going." '
[John 14:1,4]
March 28, 2008
Ch. 73 - Revelation
Where to begin, where to begin?
Actually, what I have to say isn't that complicated.
I simply like to say, "Where to begin, where to begin?"
A couple weeks ago I had an interesting dream. Basically, I dreamed the book of Revelation. Start to finish - from John being on the island of Patmos to the multitude in white robes worshiping God... from the sounding of the seven trumpets to the fall of Babylon. It was incredibly vivid. Very surreal. Having read the book of Revelation enough times before, and then having read it a couple times after, I saw that my dream was very, very accurate to the book.
You know, I love the book of Revelation. It is, quite possibly, my favorite book of the Bible. I've been doing a lot of study on it recently; it's positively fascinating. Every time I read it I 'see' something new. Something different stands out.
One part of my dream that really stood out was the immense amount of death. And suffering. And pain. And loss. It was horrible, really. I don't really like to think about it, but I know that it has to happen.
Just so you can wrap your minds around it, I'll give you some numbers.
The earth's population is approximately 6.7 billion. When the fourth seal is opened, a quarter of the earth's population will be killed. When the sixth trumpet is sounded, a third of the earth's population will be killed. Here are the first set of numbers:
.25 x 6.7 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
.33 x 6.7 billion = 2.23 billion deaths
1.675 billion + 2.23 billion = 3.905 billion deaths
I looked up some populations on earth, and 3.905 billion happens to be the approximate population of Asia. So imagine - all of Asia - gone. Wiped off the face of the earth.
Now, when I was calculating these numbers, I didn't think about the fact that the third of the population that would be killed would be of the 'new' population once the quarter of the original population had been killed. So here's what the real numbers would be:
.25 x 6.7 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
6.7 billion - 1.675 billion = 5.025 billion
.33 x 5.025 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
1.675 billion + 1.675 billion = 3.35 billion deaths
3.35 billion deaths. Amazing. 3.35 billion is half of the original population, 6.7 billion. Half of the people of this earth - gone. It's interesting that Asia holds more than half the earth's population. Fun fact: Did you know that India will soon take over China's rank as the most populous country? Well, I mean, 'soon' means in thirty-two years. I thought that was interesting, too.
It's just a reminder of how powerful our Almighty God is and that He can do whatever He wants. He doesn't have to be just. He doesn't have to be kind. He doesn't have to be merciful. He is. But He doesn't have to be. We are blessed to be so loved.
'The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.'
[2 Thessalonians 2:9-10]
Actually, what I have to say isn't that complicated.
I simply like to say, "Where to begin, where to begin?"
A couple weeks ago I had an interesting dream. Basically, I dreamed the book of Revelation. Start to finish - from John being on the island of Patmos to the multitude in white robes worshiping God... from the sounding of the seven trumpets to the fall of Babylon. It was incredibly vivid. Very surreal. Having read the book of Revelation enough times before, and then having read it a couple times after, I saw that my dream was very, very accurate to the book.
You know, I love the book of Revelation. It is, quite possibly, my favorite book of the Bible. I've been doing a lot of study on it recently; it's positively fascinating. Every time I read it I 'see' something new. Something different stands out.
One part of my dream that really stood out was the immense amount of death. And suffering. And pain. And loss. It was horrible, really. I don't really like to think about it, but I know that it has to happen.
Just so you can wrap your minds around it, I'll give you some numbers.
The earth's population is approximately 6.7 billion. When the fourth seal is opened, a quarter of the earth's population will be killed. When the sixth trumpet is sounded, a third of the earth's population will be killed. Here are the first set of numbers:
.25 x 6.7 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
.33 x 6.7 billion = 2.23 billion deaths
1.675 billion + 2.23 billion = 3.905 billion deaths
I looked up some populations on earth, and 3.905 billion happens to be the approximate population of Asia. So imagine - all of Asia - gone. Wiped off the face of the earth.
Now, when I was calculating these numbers, I didn't think about the fact that the third of the population that would be killed would be of the 'new' population once the quarter of the original population had been killed. So here's what the real numbers would be:
.25 x 6.7 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
6.7 billion - 1.675 billion = 5.025 billion
.33 x 5.025 billion = 1.675 billion deaths
1.675 billion + 1.675 billion = 3.35 billion deaths
3.35 billion deaths. Amazing. 3.35 billion is half of the original population, 6.7 billion. Half of the people of this earth - gone. It's interesting that Asia holds more than half the earth's population. Fun fact: Did you know that India will soon take over China's rank as the most populous country? Well, I mean, 'soon' means in thirty-two years. I thought that was interesting, too.
It's just a reminder of how powerful our Almighty God is and that He can do whatever He wants. He doesn't have to be just. He doesn't have to be kind. He doesn't have to be merciful. He is. But He doesn't have to be. We are blessed to be so loved.
'The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.'
[2 Thessalonians 2:9-10]
March 27, 2008
Ch. 72 - An Accumulation
I've written before about not realizing something is true until after I've said it. This happened again this past Tuesday, but I was realizing things were true as I was saying them, not after. I had gone to the diversity dialogues; the topic was spirituality and religious beliefs so I figured it'd be really interesting, which it was.
I love listening to people speak about their beliefs, views and opinions; I find so many people's thoughts to be fascinating.
After the dialogue I headed up to Ute-Nited with Katie and Chongkai. It was 'over' but it was at the point where people were still hanging around. No real 'talk' or 'debate' had started yet, but I knew that would come soon. Sure enough, it picks up and we're talking about communion. Really meaningful. I'm not going to get into that, though.
Story time.
Things wrap up and people are chatting a bit. I'm with Kastin and Carly. Laughing. Having a good time. I go to throw my water bottle away and he bounds over chairs, yelling my name. I tell him I'm not leaving, but to him that doesn't matter. Time for a hug. We chat a bit. He starts asking questions [I haven't been around lately.]. That's when small talk turns into an unforeseen avowal.
That's when I realized how many things were bothering me, even though I hadn't acknowledged or even recognized them before. I don't often let people know how I'm feeling. I tend to bottle things up inside and even when I reach the boiling point I spill over onto paper or a running trail.
When I begin to let him in on everything that's been going on, it's like we're both finding out for the first time. I cry. I've said it before, I'm going to say it again: I cry rarely.
For some twisted reason, it's like a source of pride for me.
Why?
I haven't the faintest idea. I mean, it's not like I have some 'tough-girl' image to maintain.
So when those tears fell, imagine my surprise. One thing after another came out of my mouth, without giving thought to what I was saying. No hesitation. But it was difficult. That... chat... was by no means enjoyable. Until the end - which was uplifting. Thank God for simple words.
"Jesus has your back."
The entire ordeal was like a psalm. Starting a few weeks ago, technically, and ending today: there's the complaining... crying out to God... a supplication, perhaps... and then the turn-around point, laying it all at the foot of the cross... praising God... giving thanks.
It's time to give up again. I can't hold on to everything to try and figure it out. Sometimes that simply doesn't work.
God likes to get his point across in a lot of different ways, that's for sure.
'And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask.'
[Ruth 3:11]
This is Boaz speaking to Ruth after she asks that he cover her with his garment because he is a kinsman-redeemer. He tells her that he will do so because she is a virtuous woman and even the townsmen know she is a woman of noble character. But as I was reading today, I really felt God was speaking to me through this verse. '... my daughter...' Beautiful.
I love listening to people speak about their beliefs, views and opinions; I find so many people's thoughts to be fascinating.
After the dialogue I headed up to Ute-Nited with Katie and Chongkai. It was 'over' but it was at the point where people were still hanging around. No real 'talk' or 'debate' had started yet, but I knew that would come soon. Sure enough, it picks up and we're talking about communion. Really meaningful. I'm not going to get into that, though.
Story time.
Things wrap up and people are chatting a bit. I'm with Kastin and Carly. Laughing. Having a good time. I go to throw my water bottle away and he bounds over chairs, yelling my name. I tell him I'm not leaving, but to him that doesn't matter. Time for a hug. We chat a bit. He starts asking questions [I haven't been around lately.]. That's when small talk turns into an unforeseen avowal.
That's when I realized how many things were bothering me, even though I hadn't acknowledged or even recognized them before. I don't often let people know how I'm feeling. I tend to bottle things up inside and even when I reach the boiling point I spill over onto paper or a running trail.
When I begin to let him in on everything that's been going on, it's like we're both finding out for the first time. I cry. I've said it before, I'm going to say it again: I cry rarely.
For some twisted reason, it's like a source of pride for me.
Why?
I haven't the faintest idea. I mean, it's not like I have some 'tough-girl' image to maintain.
So when those tears fell, imagine my surprise. One thing after another came out of my mouth, without giving thought to what I was saying. No hesitation. But it was difficult. That... chat... was by no means enjoyable. Until the end - which was uplifting. Thank God for simple words.
"Jesus has your back."
The entire ordeal was like a psalm. Starting a few weeks ago, technically, and ending today: there's the complaining... crying out to God... a supplication, perhaps... and then the turn-around point, laying it all at the foot of the cross... praising God... giving thanks.
It's time to give up again. I can't hold on to everything to try and figure it out. Sometimes that simply doesn't work.
God likes to get his point across in a lot of different ways, that's for sure.
'And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask.'
[Ruth 3:11]
This is Boaz speaking to Ruth after she asks that he cover her with his garment because he is a kinsman-redeemer. He tells her that he will do so because she is a virtuous woman and even the townsmen know she is a woman of noble character. But as I was reading today, I really felt God was speaking to me through this verse. '... my daughter...' Beautiful.
March 26, 2008
Ch. 71 - A Beautiful Truth
I have nothing to say.
Okay.
That's a lie.
But just because I admit it's a lie doesn't mean I'm going to actually say anything. Er, write anything.
Tomorrow.
'A cheerful heart is good medicine...'
[Proverbs 17:22]
Okay.
That's a lie.
But just because I admit it's a lie doesn't mean I'm going to actually say anything. Er, write anything.
Tomorrow.
'A cheerful heart is good medicine...'
[Proverbs 17:22]
March 25, 2008
Ch. 70 - The Confession
I am broken.
My heart's still beating.
But it hurts.
'But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'
[Jeremiah 17:7-8]
My heart's still beating.
But it hurts.
'But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'
[Jeremiah 17:7-8]
March 24, 2008
Ch. 69 - A Miracle?
My mom sent me some yarn and knitting needles in her last box. I had never taken an interest in knitting in the past, so I was surprised to find them in there. At the same time, I was excited. One of the reasons I had never shown interest in learning how to knit is that I knew how impatient I was. I didn't want to take the time to sit down and learn, because I knew I would be learning by making mistake after mistake. But I thought I'd give it a shot. I'd say I spent a good three hours learning how to do the cast-on stitch.
You know what?
Those three hours were spent in complete and utter patience and peace. I didn't furrow my brow in frustration. I didn't discard the needles in disgust. When things didn't go exactly as... planned... I simply started over - again and again and again and again.
So you'll have to forgive me when I say that I believe those eighteen stitches are the most beautiful stitches the world of knitting has ever known.
God really is teaching me patience.
'Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'
[Romans 5:3]
You know what?
Those three hours were spent in complete and utter patience and peace. I didn't furrow my brow in frustration. I didn't discard the needles in disgust. When things didn't go exactly as... planned... I simply started over - again and again and again and again.
So you'll have to forgive me when I say that I believe those eighteen stitches are the most beautiful stitches the world of knitting has ever known.
God really is teaching me patience.
'Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'
[Romans 5:3]
March 23, 2008
Ch. 68 - Praise God!
He is risen!
'On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee; 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " Then they remembered his words.'
[Luke 24:1-8]
'On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee; 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " Then they remembered his words.'
[Luke 24:1-8]
March 22, 2008
Ch. 67 - Rested, but...
I wanted this week to be so good for me.
I tried.
I really did.
But I realized that although I am rested, I am not refreshed.
So I keep thinking,
'Jesus, lover of my soul -
Jesus, I will never let you go.'
It helps.
'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'
[2 Corinthians 5:17]
I need this. So much.
I tried.
I really did.
But I realized that although I am rested, I am not refreshed.
So I keep thinking,
'Jesus, lover of my soul -
Jesus, I will never let you go.'
It helps.
'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'
[2 Corinthians 5:17]
I need this. So much.
March 21, 2008
Ch. 66 - Living a Lie
Die in self. Live in Christ.
I thought I had. I thought I was.
Help.
'Jesus Christ was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.'
[Romans 4:25]
I thought I had. I thought I was.
Help.
'Jesus Christ was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.'
[Romans 4:25]
March 20, 2008
Ch. 65 - Vibrant Verbs
We strive to know God's character as best we can. But sometimes it's really difficult to even begin to try to fathom who He is. Even when it seems to be laid out in front of us, plain as day, we can't seem to wrap our minds around Him as well as we'd like to.
I finished reading The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. Brilliant. I highly recommend it. In the last chapter, .010 Deeply Mysterious, Feinberg gives a list of things God does for us - according to the Bible. They're simple, two-word phrases (save one phrase). Better yet, she lists them in alphabetical order... always a good thing in my book.
God answers. Isaiah 58:9
God bestows. Proverbs 8:21
God blesses. Deuteronomy 14:29
God blots. Isaiah 43:25
God calls. 1 Thessalonians 4:7
God cares. Nahum 1:7
God cleanses. Jeremiah 33:8
God clothes. Isaiah 61:10
God corrects. Job 5:17
God counsels. Psalm 32:8
God covers. Psalm 91:4
God cuts off. John 15:1-2
God delights. Zephaniah 3:17
God delivers. Psalm 37:40
God detests. Deuteronomy 25:16
God disciplines. Proverbs 3:12
God encourages. Psalm 10:17
God fills. Job 8:21
God forgives. 1 John 1:9
God gathers. Deuteronomy 30:4
God gives. Matthew 11:28
God guards. Psalm 97:10
God guides. Psalm 73:24
God heals. Hosea 14:4
God hears. Psalm 69:33
God helps. Psalm 37:40
God holds. Psalm 73:23
God increases. Deuteronomy 7:13
God keeps. Deuteronomy 7:9
God knows. Matthew 6:8
God leads. Isaiah 42:16
God lifts. Psalm 146:8
God listens. Psalm 10:17
God loves. Psalm 37:28
God opens. Deuteronomy 28:12
God pours. Isaiah 44:3
God preserves. Psalm 41:2
God protects. Psalm 41:2
God provides. Psalm 111:5
God purifies. 1 John 1:9
God rejoices. Isaiah 62:5
God remembers. Psalm 111:5
God rescues. Psalm 91:14
God restores. Psalm 71:20
God rewards. Proverbs 19:17
God satisfies. Psalm 132:15
God saves. Isaiah 49:25
God speaks. Isaiah 30:21
God strengthens. Isaiah 40:29
God sustains. Psalm 55:22
God teaches. Isaiah 54:13
God upholds. Psalm 37:24
God watches. Genesis 28:15
God works. Romans 8:28
God wounds. Job 5:18
This list made a really big impact on me. It was yet another reminder of how big and small our God is. As I was reading these in The Organic God I was surprised at a couple: God cuts off and God wounds. I couldn't recall where these were in the Scriptures, so I was excited to see that Feinberg had included, in the back of her book, the list with where they could be found in the Bible. Context is key in a lot of cases regarding Scripture and that includes where in the Bible it says God 'cuts off' and God 'wounds.'
' "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." '
[1 John 15:1-2; emphasis my own]
'Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.'
[Job 5:18; emphasis my own]
I finished reading The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. Brilliant. I highly recommend it. In the last chapter, .010 Deeply Mysterious, Feinberg gives a list of things God does for us - according to the Bible. They're simple, two-word phrases (save one phrase). Better yet, she lists them in alphabetical order... always a good thing in my book.
God answers. Isaiah 58:9
God bestows. Proverbs 8:21
God blesses. Deuteronomy 14:29
God blots. Isaiah 43:25
God calls. 1 Thessalonians 4:7
God cares. Nahum 1:7
God cleanses. Jeremiah 33:8
God clothes. Isaiah 61:10
God corrects. Job 5:17
God counsels. Psalm 32:8
God covers. Psalm 91:4
God cuts off. John 15:1-2
God delights. Zephaniah 3:17
God delivers. Psalm 37:40
God detests. Deuteronomy 25:16
God disciplines. Proverbs 3:12
God encourages. Psalm 10:17
God fills. Job 8:21
God forgives. 1 John 1:9
God gathers. Deuteronomy 30:4
God gives. Matthew 11:28
God guards. Psalm 97:10
God guides. Psalm 73:24
God heals. Hosea 14:4
God hears. Psalm 69:33
God helps. Psalm 37:40
God holds. Psalm 73:23
God increases. Deuteronomy 7:13
God keeps. Deuteronomy 7:9
God knows. Matthew 6:8
God leads. Isaiah 42:16
God lifts. Psalm 146:8
God listens. Psalm 10:17
God loves. Psalm 37:28
God opens. Deuteronomy 28:12
God pours. Isaiah 44:3
God preserves. Psalm 41:2
God protects. Psalm 41:2
God provides. Psalm 111:5
God purifies. 1 John 1:9
God rejoices. Isaiah 62:5
God remembers. Psalm 111:5
God rescues. Psalm 91:14
God restores. Psalm 71:20
God rewards. Proverbs 19:17
God satisfies. Psalm 132:15
God saves. Isaiah 49:25
God speaks. Isaiah 30:21
God strengthens. Isaiah 40:29
God sustains. Psalm 55:22
God teaches. Isaiah 54:13
God upholds. Psalm 37:24
God watches. Genesis 28:15
God works. Romans 8:28
God wounds. Job 5:18
This list made a really big impact on me. It was yet another reminder of how big and small our God is. As I was reading these in The Organic God I was surprised at a couple: God cuts off and God wounds. I couldn't recall where these were in the Scriptures, so I was excited to see that Feinberg had included, in the back of her book, the list with where they could be found in the Bible. Context is key in a lot of cases regarding Scripture and that includes where in the Bible it says God 'cuts off' and God 'wounds.'
' "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." '
[1 John 15:1-2; emphasis my own]
'Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.'
[Job 5:18; emphasis my own]
March 19, 2008
Ch. 64 - Cray
I love to pray.
I love to cry.
I pray often.
I cry rarely.
So when I do, it's usually a big deal.
However, I must admit that I do cry a lot when I laugh. It just sort of happens. Whatever I'm laughing at doesn't even have to be very funny - and I don't have to have been laughing for a long time. Seven seconds of laughing? Tears well up. Fifteen seconds of laughing? A couple of tears roll down my cheeks. Twenty-two seconds of laughing? It will look like I've been bawling. If you've ever seen Steel Magnolias, there's a part at the end where the character Truvy says, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." I think it's the other way around for me; I just love tears through laughter.
Going back to praying and crying...
Now, you can let a few tears fall and call it crying, or you can go the whole nine yards and let tears stream down your face, sob, perhaps utter a few incomprehensible words... you know - cry out, really. So when you cry out while you're praying, you're craying. I've crayed only twice ever: a good month and a half, two months ago, and last night. It just sort of happens. Partly out of self-pity, anger with people [and God, believe it or not] and feeling distant from God. I love simply crying out to God in anguish and fear and desperation. Both times I've done this I've felt so much better afterwards and so at peace. The self-pity and anger take flight and I do, in fact, feel closer to God. It's really a splendid feeling when it's all said and done.
The Bible tells us that it is ok to cry out to God. The Bible also tells us that God hears every prayer and that He will answer our prayers. Even Jesus cried out to God.
'About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" - which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" '
[Matthew 27:46]
A few weeks ago I did a personal study of Psalm 86. It's a supplication for help against the psalmist's enemies. But it also gives praise to God. First, the psalmist offers his plea to God and gives reasons as to why his prayer should be heard. Then he gives praise to God. Next he gives a description of his enemies and God, making promises to follow God and praise him if He helps him. The last three verses are a conjunction of the first three parts, an amplification of his plea.
This psalm is now easily one of my favorites. It taught me a lot. God wants it all. And we shouldn't be afraid to give everything to Him. I think it pleases Him more than anything when we want to do this. I believe he wants to share in our joys... our sorrows... our troubles... our excitement... our anger. He simply wants to be a part of our lives. When we let Him in, He gives back. He will listen to our cries for mercy (Psalm 86:6). He will teach us His ways and give us undivided hearts (Psalm 86:11). He will answer us - help us - love us.
I am so blessed to have a God that cares for me as much as I know He does, and to have a God that I know is always there for me... and to have a God that I know listens to me, whether I am thinking quiet thoughts about Him or craying loudly to Him.
'I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.'
[Psalm 142:1-3]
I love to cry.
I pray often.
I cry rarely.
So when I do, it's usually a big deal.
However, I must admit that I do cry a lot when I laugh. It just sort of happens. Whatever I'm laughing at doesn't even have to be very funny - and I don't have to have been laughing for a long time. Seven seconds of laughing? Tears well up. Fifteen seconds of laughing? A couple of tears roll down my cheeks. Twenty-two seconds of laughing? It will look like I've been bawling. If you've ever seen Steel Magnolias, there's a part at the end where the character Truvy says, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." I think it's the other way around for me; I just love tears through laughter.
Going back to praying and crying...
Now, you can let a few tears fall and call it crying, or you can go the whole nine yards and let tears stream down your face, sob, perhaps utter a few incomprehensible words... you know - cry out, really. So when you cry out while you're praying, you're craying. I've crayed only twice ever: a good month and a half, two months ago, and last night. It just sort of happens. Partly out of self-pity, anger with people [and God, believe it or not] and feeling distant from God. I love simply crying out to God in anguish and fear and desperation. Both times I've done this I've felt so much better afterwards and so at peace. The self-pity and anger take flight and I do, in fact, feel closer to God. It's really a splendid feeling when it's all said and done.
The Bible tells us that it is ok to cry out to God. The Bible also tells us that God hears every prayer and that He will answer our prayers. Even Jesus cried out to God.
'About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" - which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" '
[Matthew 27:46]
A few weeks ago I did a personal study of Psalm 86. It's a supplication for help against the psalmist's enemies. But it also gives praise to God. First, the psalmist offers his plea to God and gives reasons as to why his prayer should be heard. Then he gives praise to God. Next he gives a description of his enemies and God, making promises to follow God and praise him if He helps him. The last three verses are a conjunction of the first three parts, an amplification of his plea.
This psalm is now easily one of my favorites. It taught me a lot. God wants it all. And we shouldn't be afraid to give everything to Him. I think it pleases Him more than anything when we want to do this. I believe he wants to share in our joys... our sorrows... our troubles... our excitement... our anger. He simply wants to be a part of our lives. When we let Him in, He gives back. He will listen to our cries for mercy (Psalm 86:6). He will teach us His ways and give us undivided hearts (Psalm 86:11). He will answer us - help us - love us.
I am so blessed to have a God that cares for me as much as I know He does, and to have a God that I know is always there for me... and to have a God that I know listens to me, whether I am thinking quiet thoughts about Him or craying loudly to Him.
'I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.'
[Psalm 142:1-3]
March 18, 2008
Ch. 63 - Let US
'Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." '
[Genesis 1:26; emphasis my own]
'But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." '
[Genesis 11:5-7; emphasis my own]
US.
[Genesis 1:26; emphasis my own]
'But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." '
[Genesis 11:5-7; emphasis my own]
US.
March 17, 2008
Ch. 62 - Drive Out Fear
I realized something today.
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
I am just like those kids in Matt's Sunday school class.
Here's a comparison for you.
Natalie:Ute-Nited as Youth:Sunday school
And honestly, any time that includes sharing my faith and beliefs can be substituted for Ute-Nited.
I always want to share. But do I? No.
It's been two and a half months since I've made the resolution to become more comfortable in sharing my faith with fellow believers and I am failing horribly in doing so.
What am I so afraid of?!
Sounding stupid?
I should be used to that.
Disagreement?
That is unavoidable.
I could go on for hours on certain topics; examples include:
Christianity versus Islam
The book of Revelation
Parable discussion
The idea of the Rapture
Spiritual gifts
But it's not like I'm going to sit down and say, "Okay, this is what we're talking about this time. No ifs, ands, or buts about it." I can't do that.
I really need to just step out of my comfort zone and force myself to speak up. Immerse myself in the Word. Pray.
I must say, though, that I thoroughly enjoy simply sitting and listening to what people say. I watch, I listen and I follow-up in my Bible. This is how I learn best, it seems.
'So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
[Hebrews 13:6]
March 16, 2008
Ch. 61 - Getting Across
Today I went to MOPC with Spencer [who played at the 11:00 service] so I could go to a Palm Sunday service. We had to go early because he had to rehearse with the rest of the group, so I was there a good hour and a half before service. I had planned on simply spending the time in the prayer room, but then Spencer reminded me that Matt would be there. I sent a couple texts Matt's way and before I knew it I was following him to the youth room; he teaches Sunday school to the senior-hi.
At one point last week we had gotten together to chat and he brought up that he had been asked by Jamie to go over things that aren't exactly talked about often in youth groups. Last week it had been death, the week before, homosexuality. This week the topic was disability and value.
Having worked with both kids and adults who have mental and physical disabilities over the past few years (including the Toronto mission trip), I thought it would be really interesting to hear what Matt would say and how the youth would respond. Well, that 'thought' sort of backfired, if you will, because as it turns out, these kids do not speak up during Sunday school. They were chatty Cathies beforehand, of course. There were a few who would bring something up now and then, but it looked as if doing so was painful, actually. It was sad. I understood that in regards to speaking about people with disabilities, some of these kids may not have had much interaction with disabled people, but when one in five Americans have a disability of some sort, that's hard to believe. Going on to value and how we, as a society, judge others based on a number of things - but especially on what they do or do not have to contribute - you would think that this would be easy to talk about in a group of high schoolers.
Nope.
Matt asked who had been touched by the idea of valuing people more than others because of money, talent, skills, looks, etc. Not one person in that room did not raise their hand. Everybody has either felt valued based on something they have or by comparison to others, or have judged and valued others based on X factor.
So why wouldn't these kids speak up?
I know it wasn't because I was there; Matt told me it's like this every week. And every week he gives this little speech on how he gets what they're talking about. He knows it inside and out. Yet when he tries to help them know it and understand it, they don't respond. Maybe they are getting something out of it, but choose not to show it. But what if what he is saying simply goes in one ear and out the other? That's how it seems, obviously.
It's not like this with every group of high schoolers. I think it was Landon who said that his group - the kids who have graduated within the past two years - would never shut up.
That's how I wish it were.
I wish that if you were in that class, you would practically not be able to get a word in. You would if you wanted to, sure - but you would have to wait your turn to do so.
After church I found myself thinking, 'This is probably an unfair analysis, but it seems like something's a bit off. If Matt has to give that 'speech' every week, and the kids continue to simply sit as stones of silence... this isn't good.'
But who am I to judge?
At least he's trying. I can't say the same of me - as much as I would like to be able to, I can't at this point in time. Oh, how I miss teaching Sunday school and working with youth... I hope I can fill that void in my life really soon.
And at least they're there. I started teaching Sunday school because I refused to go to senior-hi Sunday school. Yet looking back, whenever I was there I got something out of it. I learned. I grew.
But you know, God can do anything. Ask and you will receive. Expect great things.
'If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.'
[John 15:7]
At one point last week we had gotten together to chat and he brought up that he had been asked by Jamie to go over things that aren't exactly talked about often in youth groups. Last week it had been death, the week before, homosexuality. This week the topic was disability and value.
Having worked with both kids and adults who have mental and physical disabilities over the past few years (including the Toronto mission trip), I thought it would be really interesting to hear what Matt would say and how the youth would respond. Well, that 'thought' sort of backfired, if you will, because as it turns out, these kids do not speak up during Sunday school. They were chatty Cathies beforehand, of course. There were a few who would bring something up now and then, but it looked as if doing so was painful, actually. It was sad. I understood that in regards to speaking about people with disabilities, some of these kids may not have had much interaction with disabled people, but when one in five Americans have a disability of some sort, that's hard to believe. Going on to value and how we, as a society, judge others based on a number of things - but especially on what they do or do not have to contribute - you would think that this would be easy to talk about in a group of high schoolers.
Nope.
Matt asked who had been touched by the idea of valuing people more than others because of money, talent, skills, looks, etc. Not one person in that room did not raise their hand. Everybody has either felt valued based on something they have or by comparison to others, or have judged and valued others based on X factor.
So why wouldn't these kids speak up?
I know it wasn't because I was there; Matt told me it's like this every week. And every week he gives this little speech on how he gets what they're talking about. He knows it inside and out. Yet when he tries to help them know it and understand it, they don't respond. Maybe they are getting something out of it, but choose not to show it. But what if what he is saying simply goes in one ear and out the other? That's how it seems, obviously.
It's not like this with every group of high schoolers. I think it was Landon who said that his group - the kids who have graduated within the past two years - would never shut up.
That's how I wish it were.
I wish that if you were in that class, you would practically not be able to get a word in. You would if you wanted to, sure - but you would have to wait your turn to do so.
After church I found myself thinking, 'This is probably an unfair analysis, but it seems like something's a bit off. If Matt has to give that 'speech' every week, and the kids continue to simply sit as stones of silence... this isn't good.'
But who am I to judge?
At least he's trying. I can't say the same of me - as much as I would like to be able to, I can't at this point in time. Oh, how I miss teaching Sunday school and working with youth... I hope I can fill that void in my life really soon.
And at least they're there. I started teaching Sunday school because I refused to go to senior-hi Sunday school. Yet looking back, whenever I was there I got something out of it. I learned. I grew.
But you know, God can do anything. Ask and you will receive. Expect great things.
'If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.'
[John 15:7]
March 15, 2008
Ch. 60 - Sprin-g-Row
Spring. Grow.
At Cru this past Thursday the speaker, Rick, gave us a sheet to follow for spring break. For each of the nine days there is a theme, bible verses to read and possible activities corresponding to the theme. We were to ask nine people if we could pray about anything for them. We can take notes for each day if we'd like.
Today was the first day; the theme was serve. The Bible verses were Mark 10:42-45, 2 Corinthians 4:5 and Philippians 2:3-4. I decided to clean Darcy and Katie's room a bit... just some vacuuming (I love to vacuum, is that weird?), taking out of the trash and recycling, some light dusting (I also love dusting) and cleaning the tops of their desks and dressers. Oh! I also lint-rolled Darcy's black chair, because I love to lint roll as well.
Yes, I'm a freak.
Now that that's been confirmed, I must say that I love serving. You can serve in so many ways. There are many people who need a hand or two - why not offer yours? We are called to be the least by serving not only those who are the greatest, but also those who are considered the least.
'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.'
[Philippians 2:3-4]
At Cru this past Thursday the speaker, Rick, gave us a sheet to follow for spring break. For each of the nine days there is a theme, bible verses to read and possible activities corresponding to the theme. We were to ask nine people if we could pray about anything for them. We can take notes for each day if we'd like.
Today was the first day; the theme was serve. The Bible verses were Mark 10:42-45, 2 Corinthians 4:5 and Philippians 2:3-4. I decided to clean Darcy and Katie's room a bit... just some vacuuming (I love to vacuum, is that weird?), taking out of the trash and recycling, some light dusting (I also love dusting) and cleaning the tops of their desks and dressers. Oh! I also lint-rolled Darcy's black chair, because I love to lint roll as well.
Yes, I'm a freak.
Now that that's been confirmed, I must say that I love serving. You can serve in so many ways. There are many people who need a hand or two - why not offer yours? We are called to be the least by serving not only those who are the greatest, but also those who are considered the least.
'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.'
[Philippians 2:3-4]
March 14, 2008
Ch. 59 - Taking the Time
There are seven religions of the world that are the most accounted for:
1. Christianity - 33.32% of the world's population
2. Islam - 21.01%
3. Hinduism - 13.26%
4. Buddhism - 5.84%
5. Sikhism - .35%
6. Judaism - .23%
7. Baha'i Faith - .12%
"Other religions" make up 11.78%.
"Non-religious people" make up 11.77%.
"Atheists" make up for 2.32%.
I like to believe that I know more about Christianity than the average Joe.
I know a lot about Islam. A lot.
I don't know much about Hinduism.
I don't know much about Buddhism.
I don't know anything about Sikhism.
I know a bit about Judaism.
I don't know much about the Baha'i Faith.
I think it's important to be knowledgeable of other religions and belief systems to a reasonable extent. You don't have to be an expert on anything, really. Just take the time to brush up on basic facts and beliefs - especially if you're interested in apologetics... which, I must add, is the newest love of my life.
'But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.'
[1 Peter 3:15]
1. Christianity - 33.32% of the world's population
2. Islam - 21.01%
3. Hinduism - 13.26%
4. Buddhism - 5.84%
5. Sikhism - .35%
6. Judaism - .23%
7. Baha'i Faith - .12%
"Other religions" make up 11.78%.
"Non-religious people" make up 11.77%.
"Atheists" make up for 2.32%.
I like to believe that I know more about Christianity than the average Joe.
I know a lot about Islam. A lot.
I don't know much about Hinduism.
I don't know much about Buddhism.
I don't know anything about Sikhism.
I know a bit about Judaism.
I don't know much about the Baha'i Faith.
I think it's important to be knowledgeable of other religions and belief systems to a reasonable extent. You don't have to be an expert on anything, really. Just take the time to brush up on basic facts and beliefs - especially if you're interested in apologetics... which, I must add, is the newest love of my life.
'But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.'
[1 Peter 3:15]
Ch. 58 - Random, R-r-random
Alright. Now that I'm over myself and the pity party has ended, life continues.
Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.
STAB stands for this:
Success
Tired
Alone
Bored
When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.
After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.
I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.
I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.
Why?
Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.
I bet you didn't see that one coming.
I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.
This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.
I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.
'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]
......
Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:
I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.
Cru was really great tonight. I had a nice chat with Keith Phinney. I had never really spoken to him before, but he's a really cool guy. He may help me design a major for ministry here at the U. How great would that be? I led prayer beforehand since Jessica is in Swaziland and it went well - very easy and simple. There were only a few of us there, so that was nice. The topic for the evening was peripatology, or the study of Christian living (our faith walk). A friend of Keith's came and spoke, his name was Rick and he's such a neat person. I really enjoyed listening to what he had to stay. To sum it up: stay immersed in the Word; be intentional; remember the acrostic (acronym) STAB - and seek out other believers; encourage one another.
STAB stands for this:
Success
Tired
Alone
Bored
When you are successful, temptation comes knocking on your door.
When you are tired, you will most likely let your guard down.
When you are alone, your walk in Christ may not be a priority or anything.
When you are bored, you may seek out things that are not of God.
After Cru I was talking with Charlie and Carly about churches (Capitol and K2) and their worship services. I'm such a traditional girl. I love my Methodist traditional services. I haven't been to any traditional services here in Salt Lake, except for when Katie and I went to the Greek Orthodox church. I love The Mount, don't get me wrong. It's just so casual.
I miss my church.
I miss getting dressed up for church.
I miss listening to our beautiful organ in service.
I miss singing hymns.
I miss those times of congregational unison.
I miss playing bells in service.
I miss seeing what happens during Star Choir - the preschool choir - performances.
I miss observing the look of awe (or is it terror?) on kid's faces when Phil does the children's message.
I miss praying while looking at the huge, mounted cross behind the pulpit.
I miss the Peace of Christ.
I miss the making of communion serving so much more complicated than it really has to be.
I miss the occasional performance by the men's choir.
I miss our simple, yet beautiful rounded sanctuary, with its wheat design stained glass windows that were put in upside-down.
Yes indeed, I miss my church and traditional service.
I took it for granted so often - and now that I'm appreciative of what it offers and how much I can get out of it, I'm not there to do so. The best part of winter break was going to multiple church services and teaching Sunday school - which I've also missed. I was so excited for May to come, because I'd be able to attend church with a new passion in my heart and really try to get the most out of it before I headed off to Virginia Beach for summer project. And now I may not be there to do so.
Why?
Because I really don't think I want to go on summer project anymore.
I bet you didn't see that one coming.
I mean, I know I said 'I don't want to go on summer project' in the last chapter, but I didn't mean it.
This time, however, I do mean it. After all, there will be other summers for projects.
I think I want to stay here to establish residency and really start to get involved with ministries here. And when I was talking with Gretchen at the Figge's house a couple weeks ago she really got me excited for what Ute-Nited is doing and their goals and such. I would really like to help with its in-depth development. Spencer and I talked about it last night after we drove back to the dorms... what we want to see happening and reaching out and leadership and just all sorts of things. There's so much potential. We're already growing, and not just with believers, but with non-believers, too! My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I love this.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. I wonder how many times I've heard and said this. Yet each time I seem to realize that it's all the more true.
'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:1-4]
......
Ch. Fifty-Eight, Part Two:
I truly hope you know the reference of my title. If not, please click here.
March 13, 2008
Ch. 57 - Trust God
I am so lonely.
That stupid tree thing is right.
I've felt like this for probably two weeks, too. It's not just me saying, "Hm. I thought I was kind of lonely - and since this says that I often am, I guess it's true." And it's not like I'm never around people or never do anything. I just feel alone. That's it.
I'm tired, too.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feeling letdown.
Tired of feeling disliked.
Tired of being lectured.
Tired of feeling stupid.
I don't want to be in Utah.
I don't want to go on summer project.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't want to hang out with anyone.
I want to leave.
Travel the world.
I want to volunteer.
Work with my hands.
I want to speak عربي.
Learn from native speakers.
I want to disappear.
Not forever. Just for a bit.
Not to "find myself" - I'm not that cliché - but to do what I want.
My heart says, "Go."
I've had numerous conversations with people in regards to how what you feel you want, what your heart tells you, is God.
Is this so irrational?
I know you should honor God with your actions. Worship through living your life for Him without being afraid to give Him everything. Who says this couldn't be the greatest act of worship I could ever give Him? Disciples dropped everything for Jesus. Everything. They left their families. Their jobs. Their possessions. And for what reason? To follow Him. To learn. To love. To be loved. This is what I want and I feel, in turn, what He wants as well.
'... "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
That stupid tree thing is right.
I've felt like this for probably two weeks, too. It's not just me saying, "Hm. I thought I was kind of lonely - and since this says that I often am, I guess it's true." And it's not like I'm never around people or never do anything. I just feel alone. That's it.
I'm tired, too.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of feeling letdown.
Tired of feeling disliked.
Tired of being lectured.
Tired of feeling stupid.
I don't want to be in Utah.
I don't want to go on summer project.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't want to hang out with anyone.
I want to leave.
Travel the world.
I want to volunteer.
Work with my hands.
I want to speak عربي.
Learn from native speakers.
I want to disappear.
Not forever. Just for a bit.
Not to "find myself" - I'm not that cliché - but to do what I want.
My heart says, "Go."
I've had numerous conversations with people in regards to how what you feel you want, what your heart tells you, is God.
Is this so irrational?
I know you should honor God with your actions. Worship through living your life for Him without being afraid to give Him everything. Who says this couldn't be the greatest act of worship I could ever give Him? Disciples dropped everything for Jesus. Everything. They left their families. Their jobs. Their possessions. And for what reason? To follow Him. To learn. To love. To be loved. This is what I want and I feel, in turn, what He wants as well.
'... "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
March 12, 2008
Ch. 56 - Tree hugger? Not quite.
Each month our RA designs a bulletin board on our floor for either entertainment or educational purposes - sometimes combining the two. This month the bulletin board centers around individual's personalities based on when they were born - dates of birth are designated certain trees.
I am a poplar tree.
Not to be confused with popular... poplar.
People born between May 1 and May 14 are poplar trees. Apparently, these people tend to:
- look very decorative
- not be very self-confident
- be courageous only if necessary
- need goodwill and pleasant surroundings
- be very choosy
- be lonely often
- have great animosity
- have artistic natures
- be good organizers
- lean toward philosophy
- be reliable in any situation
- take partnership seriously
I would say these characteristics describe me very accurately. I'm not exactly sure about the looking very decorative, though... hm.
The funny thing is, I wouldn't have mentioned most of them to someone if they had come up to me and said, "Describe yourself."
The ones I would have used I bolded. It's just neat to see that once certain characteristics are presented to me I find that they do fit me, even though I wouldn't have thought of them in the first place... or even though I wish they weren't true.
But God made me as I am and I'm happy with knowing that.
Continuing with the tree theme...
'Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.'
[Matthew 12:33]
I am a poplar tree.
Not to be confused with popular... poplar.
People born between May 1 and May 14 are poplar trees. Apparently, these people tend to:
- look very decorative
- not be very self-confident
- be courageous only if necessary
- need goodwill and pleasant surroundings
- be very choosy
- be lonely often
- have great animosity
- have artistic natures
- be good organizers
- lean toward philosophy
- be reliable in any situation
- take partnership seriously
I would say these characteristics describe me very accurately. I'm not exactly sure about the looking very decorative, though... hm.
The funny thing is, I wouldn't have mentioned most of them to someone if they had come up to me and said, "Describe yourself."
The ones I would have used I bolded. It's just neat to see that once certain characteristics are presented to me I find that they do fit me, even though I wouldn't have thought of them in the first place... or even though I wish they weren't true.
But God made me as I am and I'm happy with knowing that.
Continuing with the tree theme...
'Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.'
[Matthew 12:33]
March 11, 2008
Ch. 55 - It's the Simple Things
I received a box from home in the mail the other day. I wasn't expecting one because I had just received a box about a week prior to this one. This box contained two things: a pink t-shirt and my memory box. I called my mom to thank her for the box and asked her about the shirt; apparently it was one of my dad's white undershirts, and had accidentally been thrown in with our burgundy dining room tablecloth. It turned pink and neither my dad nor my brother would wear it, so mom sent it along to me! I love it. It smells like home.
I remember actually asking my mom if she would send my memory box, but didn't know if or when I would get it. My memory box contains things I randomly throw in there now and then. It's a tweed-covered box with seashell stickers and a cloth ribbon tie in the front. My friend Fabiola gave it to me when I was in eighth grade. I've got all kinds of things in there: cut-outs from magazines; letters and notes; lanyards, keychains and necklaces; a small hand-held game from McDonald's; a few pictures; a Neopets keychain [also from McDonald's, I believe]; two CDs from my Humanities class junior year; a few bracelets... and there's more.
Anyway, I look through my box a couple times each year and continue to add things to it, but each time I sift through its treasures I am completely surprised at what I find. I found the CDs at the bottom of the box and was so happy when I found them - I was actually just thinking about them the other day and had wished that I had them with me. I had completely forgotten that they were in my box! I was also happy to find the bracelets; I've got a WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelet in there, a GOLF (God Offers Love and Forgiveness) bracelet, and a bracelet that says 'I've Got Jesus In My Heart' - which I found at 3:00 AM in my school while cleaning up after MoShow (a show choir competition that my high school hosts).
The WWJD? bracelet has paint splatters from a mission trip on it.
It is, quite possibly, my favorite thing in the world at this point in time.
Today's been a good day.
'My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.'
[Psalm 71:8]
I remember actually asking my mom if she would send my memory box, but didn't know if or when I would get it. My memory box contains things I randomly throw in there now and then. It's a tweed-covered box with seashell stickers and a cloth ribbon tie in the front. My friend Fabiola gave it to me when I was in eighth grade. I've got all kinds of things in there: cut-outs from magazines; letters and notes; lanyards, keychains and necklaces; a small hand-held game from McDonald's; a few pictures; a Neopets keychain [also from McDonald's, I believe]; two CDs from my Humanities class junior year; a few bracelets... and there's more.
Anyway, I look through my box a couple times each year and continue to add things to it, but each time I sift through its treasures I am completely surprised at what I find. I found the CDs at the bottom of the box and was so happy when I found them - I was actually just thinking about them the other day and had wished that I had them with me. I had completely forgotten that they were in my box! I was also happy to find the bracelets; I've got a WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelet in there, a GOLF (God Offers Love and Forgiveness) bracelet, and a bracelet that says 'I've Got Jesus In My Heart' - which I found at 3:00 AM in my school while cleaning up after MoShow (a show choir competition that my high school hosts).
The WWJD? bracelet has paint splatters from a mission trip on it.
It is, quite possibly, my favorite thing in the world at this point in time.
Today's been a good day.
'My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.'
[Psalm 71:8]
March 10, 2008
Ch. 54 - Perfect Timing
I went over to the prayer room this evening instead of going to The Mount. InterVarsity hosts these 24/7 Prayers; for one week they open up their house's prayer room for 24 hours, trying to have someone in the room praying... 24/7. IV did this last term and I really enjoyed it. After the 24/7 week the prayer room is open during the day. I've been a couple times since then - definitely not enough. I had actually signed up for a slot last Friday, but had gone to SugarHouse Park with Katie and Darcy to run and didn't return until after my time. Oops! David called me earlier this afternoon asking if I wanted to sign up for a new slot and told me of open times; I really wanted to go that evening, so that's exactly what I did!
And you know what?
That single hour of prayer was exactly what I needed. For the past few weeks I had felt as if I was drowning - but that prayer time was the burst of energy I needed to resurface, as well as the first gulp of fresh air. Beautiful.
I'm so grateful.
I also wanted to mention how encouraging it was to see that my dear friend, Abbie, read the note that I had made out of Ch. Fifty-Three (which I posted on Facebook). She noted it was one of three God surprises in her weekend and I was just happy that she's turning back to Jesus.
God works in wonderful ways.
I'm running, Abba. Here I come.
'Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them - the Lord, who remains faithful forever.'
[Psalm 146:5-6]
And you know what?
That single hour of prayer was exactly what I needed. For the past few weeks I had felt as if I was drowning - but that prayer time was the burst of energy I needed to resurface, as well as the first gulp of fresh air. Beautiful.
I'm so grateful.
I also wanted to mention how encouraging it was to see that my dear friend, Abbie, read the note that I had made out of Ch. Fifty-Three (which I posted on Facebook). She noted it was one of three God surprises in her weekend and I was just happy that she's turning back to Jesus.
God works in wonderful ways.
I'm running, Abba. Here I come.
'Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them - the Lord, who remains faithful forever.'
[Psalm 146:5-6]
March 8, 2008
Ch. 53 - My Jesus
'Have you ever thought about what Jesus looks like?
How does he act?
What is his attitude like?
How does he speak?
What does his voice sound like?'
These questions were presented to my Sunday school class a few years ago by our teachers, Gary and Larry (what a team).
We were told to simply close our eyes and picture Jesus in our minds. 'Have a conversation with him. Make mental notes of what you see, what you hear, what you, technically, come up with.'
The class shared with one another what they saw, speaking up if they felt like doing so.
There were some pretty interesting Jesuses out there.
There was a surf-bum Jesus.
A homeless Jesus.
A teenage Jesus.
A genie Jesus.
A zoologist Jesus.
These are among the most memorable Jesuses of the class.
As people started to share, I started to feel... uneasy. My Jesus wasn't as cool as everybody else's. We hadn't 'said' anything to each other. He didn't have anything really special about him. He was your stereotypical Jesus that you see in paintings and pictures - short beard, shoulder-length brown hair, semi-long robes wrapped around him. He was standing in front of me, arms outstretched. Yep, stereotypical down to the pose, even. But it was Jesus, and He was mine. There were two notable things, however, about the whole 'imagine your Jesus' experience.
One, my Jesus was wearing tennis shoes.
Two, what I kept focusing on in my mind were His hands.
I put tennis shoes on my Jesus because I figured it'd be easier for Him to get around than when wearing sandals. I mean, it's Jesus - He's got things to do... places to go, people to see, sermons to preach, and parables to explain. I also like the idea of running with Jesus. I think He'd make the best workout partner in the world.
The reason I mentioned Jesus' hands is because for the longest time, I've always thought about them. I couldn't tell you why. Whenever I see pictures of Jesus my eyes go straight to the hands. More often than not they are beautiful. They look soft and smooth, very gentle. But my Jesus' hands are not. They are rough and worn, strong and scarred. He was, after all, a carpenter before He began His ministry. Think about everything He did with those hands. He smeared mud on blind men's eyes, so that they could see. He touched the leper and made him clean again. He wrote in the dust and dirt. He broke bread and gave it to His disciples. His hands were nailed to the cross as part of paying for our sins; later they were shown to Thomas as proof that He did what He said he would do, pushing aside all doubt.
In my mind, my Jesus' hands are more beautiful than the 'perfect' hands of portrait Jesuses.
The reason I wrote this post was because today I let my Bible fall open and it came to Isaiah; the first chapter I saw was 53, so that's where I started my reading. I would like to share the chapter with you. It's a long one, but it's really very lovely.
'Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the
Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender
shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract
us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we
should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with
suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their
faces
he was despised, and we esteemed
him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our
transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities,
then punishment that brought us peace
was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers
is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was
taken away.
And who can speak of his
descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the
living;
for the transgression of my people
he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the
wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him
and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life
a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong
his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper
in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life, and be
satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous
servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion
among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the
strong,
because he poured out his life unto
death,
and was numbered with the
transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the
transgressors.'
[Isaiah 53]
'He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.'
[Isaiah 53:2b]
The prophet Isaiah noted that there was nothing physically attractive about Jesus. Yet people flocked to him in droves, following him and telling others about him. This wonderful man, this Messiah - come to save the nations - was one of the most interesting, mystifying, loving men the world has ever known. What do you expect with the Son of God, though, right? I think his love for everybody is what attracted most people, whether they realized that is up in the air.
To this very day, Jesus' love for me is what holds me together. It keeps me coming back for more. And every day I learn something new about my Jesus.
How does he act?
What is his attitude like?
How does he speak?
What does his voice sound like?'
These questions were presented to my Sunday school class a few years ago by our teachers, Gary and Larry (what a team).
We were told to simply close our eyes and picture Jesus in our minds. 'Have a conversation with him. Make mental notes of what you see, what you hear, what you, technically, come up with.'
The class shared with one another what they saw, speaking up if they felt like doing so.
There were some pretty interesting Jesuses out there.
There was a surf-bum Jesus.
A homeless Jesus.
A teenage Jesus.
A genie Jesus.
A zoologist Jesus.
These are among the most memorable Jesuses of the class.
As people started to share, I started to feel... uneasy. My Jesus wasn't as cool as everybody else's. We hadn't 'said' anything to each other. He didn't have anything really special about him. He was your stereotypical Jesus that you see in paintings and pictures - short beard, shoulder-length brown hair, semi-long robes wrapped around him. He was standing in front of me, arms outstretched. Yep, stereotypical down to the pose, even. But it was Jesus, and He was mine. There were two notable things, however, about the whole 'imagine your Jesus' experience.
One, my Jesus was wearing tennis shoes.
Two, what I kept focusing on in my mind were His hands.
I put tennis shoes on my Jesus because I figured it'd be easier for Him to get around than when wearing sandals. I mean, it's Jesus - He's got things to do... places to go, people to see, sermons to preach, and parables to explain. I also like the idea of running with Jesus. I think He'd make the best workout partner in the world.
The reason I mentioned Jesus' hands is because for the longest time, I've always thought about them. I couldn't tell you why. Whenever I see pictures of Jesus my eyes go straight to the hands. More often than not they are beautiful. They look soft and smooth, very gentle. But my Jesus' hands are not. They are rough and worn, strong and scarred. He was, after all, a carpenter before He began His ministry. Think about everything He did with those hands. He smeared mud on blind men's eyes, so that they could see. He touched the leper and made him clean again. He wrote in the dust and dirt. He broke bread and gave it to His disciples. His hands were nailed to the cross as part of paying for our sins; later they were shown to Thomas as proof that He did what He said he would do, pushing aside all doubt.
In my mind, my Jesus' hands are more beautiful than the 'perfect' hands of portrait Jesuses.
The reason I wrote this post was because today I let my Bible fall open and it came to Isaiah; the first chapter I saw was 53, so that's where I started my reading. I would like to share the chapter with you. It's a long one, but it's really very lovely.
'Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the
Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender
shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract
us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we
should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with
suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their
faces
he was despised, and we esteemed
him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our
transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities,
then punishment that brought us peace
was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers
is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was
taken away.
And who can speak of his
descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the
living;
for the transgression of my people
he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the
wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him
and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life
a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong
his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper
in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life, and be
satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous
servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion
among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the
strong,
because he poured out his life unto
death,
and was numbered with the
transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the
transgressors.'
[Isaiah 53]
'He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.'
[Isaiah 53:2b]
The prophet Isaiah noted that there was nothing physically attractive about Jesus. Yet people flocked to him in droves, following him and telling others about him. This wonderful man, this Messiah - come to save the nations - was one of the most interesting, mystifying, loving men the world has ever known. What do you expect with the Son of God, though, right? I think his love for everybody is what attracted most people, whether they realized that is up in the air.
To this very day, Jesus' love for me is what holds me together. It keeps me coming back for more. And every day I learn something new about my Jesus.
March 7, 2008
Ch. 52 - Restless
I can't sleep.
As has been the case for the past three weeks or so.
I have basically become nocturnal. I sleep during the day when I don't have class, and do all my work throughout the night and early morning. I mean, I do try to sleep at night... it just doesn't happen! I may sleep for an hour or so, but then I'll wake up and won't be able to fall asleep. It's not like I don't do anything during the day to make me tired. I'm going, going, going nowadays what with swimming and such. And now that the daylight hours are increasing and the temperatures are rising, I'm out walking or running more - which I've been looking forward to doing for a very long time now.
I think part of it all is that my mind is constantly stimulated; I have so many thoughts running through my head all the time. I don't mind, really, but at times it can be tiring. I really want to get back to normal sleeping patterns. Hopefully I can really focus on doing so next week during spring break.
...
Nothing has changed since the last chapter.
You know, I couldn't even pray today. I tried and I just sort of went afkdjsalrfoeawjfkdasl. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I could barely even speak. Thus I wrote my prayers instead. Doing so helped a bit, but I still wasn't really there, if you know what I mean.
Discouraging.
But God will lift me up when the time is right.
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
[Philippians 4:6]
As has been the case for the past three weeks or so.
I have basically become nocturnal. I sleep during the day when I don't have class, and do all my work throughout the night and early morning. I mean, I do try to sleep at night... it just doesn't happen! I may sleep for an hour or so, but then I'll wake up and won't be able to fall asleep. It's not like I don't do anything during the day to make me tired. I'm going, going, going nowadays what with swimming and such. And now that the daylight hours are increasing and the temperatures are rising, I'm out walking or running more - which I've been looking forward to doing for a very long time now.
I think part of it all is that my mind is constantly stimulated; I have so many thoughts running through my head all the time. I don't mind, really, but at times it can be tiring. I really want to get back to normal sleeping patterns. Hopefully I can really focus on doing so next week during spring break.
...
Nothing has changed since the last chapter.
You know, I couldn't even pray today. I tried and I just sort of went afkdjsalrfoeawjfkdasl. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I could barely even speak. Thus I wrote my prayers instead. Doing so helped a bit, but I still wasn't really there, if you know what I mean.
Discouraging.
But God will lift me up when the time is right.
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
[Philippians 4:6]
March 6, 2008
Ch. 51 - Standstill
Sometimes you come to a point in your life and you just stop. Right where you are, you come to a standstill. It's not like your entire life is put on hold; perhaps only a small part of your life is affected. You may or may not appreciate this pause in whatever aspect of your life, but regardless of your level of appreciation, it happens.
I'm at one of those standstills right now in regards to my faith journey.
Again.
I thought I had just started advancing from one of these standstills - only to come to a complete halt once more.
It's just wearing me down to nothing.
I'm tired.
I'm distant.
And not just from God - but from family and friends, too.
The worst is feeling far from God. I need Him so badly.
He is my Everything.
I'm at a loss, here. I don't know what to do anymore.
Heavenly Father, please help me.
'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.'
[Psalm 42:5-6a]
I'm at one of those standstills right now in regards to my faith journey.
Again.
I thought I had just started advancing from one of these standstills - only to come to a complete halt once more.
It's just wearing me down to nothing.
I'm tired.
I'm distant.
And not just from God - but from family and friends, too.
The worst is feeling far from God. I need Him so badly.
He is my Everything.
I'm at a loss, here. I don't know what to do anymore.
Heavenly Father, please help me.
'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.'
[Psalm 42:5-6a]
March 5, 2008
Ch. 50 - Not Just a Holiday
I thank God every day for my family, including my family here in Salt Lake. I don't think I have ever realized the full value of friendship until I moved here. I know I've written in regards to friends and such before, but I don't think anybody will ever fully know how grateful I am that God has placed them in my life.
It's incomprehensible when I think about how much God loves me.
God loves everybody.
Everybody.
But I like to be prideful about the fact that He loves me.
'Well whaddya know? God loves me so much that He provided me with a beautiful sunset to view as I take an evening walk. Thanks, Big Guy.'
'Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that you give me laughter and joy through people like Darcy and Katie when I'm feeling down.'
'I can't believe God loves me so much that He would open up my heart after years of turning away. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my beautiful God.'
I have so much to be thankful for - and even though I take so much for granted, God still loves me.
' "Praise be to you, O Lord, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O lord is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name." '
[1 Chronicles 29:11-13]
It's incomprehensible when I think about how much God loves me.
God loves everybody.
Everybody.
But I like to be prideful about the fact that He loves me.
'Well whaddya know? God loves me so much that He provided me with a beautiful sunset to view as I take an evening walk. Thanks, Big Guy.'
'Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that you give me laughter and joy through people like Darcy and Katie when I'm feeling down.'
'I can't believe God loves me so much that He would open up my heart after years of turning away. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my beautiful God.'
I have so much to be thankful for - and even though I take so much for granted, God still loves me.
' "Praise be to you, O Lord, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O lord is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name." '
[1 Chronicles 29:11-13]
March 4, 2008
Ch. 49 - It's All Good
I really just don't have much to say at this point in time.
I'm good.
God is good.
Family is good.
Friends are good.
I love this.
Love this.
I'm complaisant... but complacent.
I don't want to be complacent, though. And I'm complacent in a non-faith aspect. I'm at a standstill in my faith. I'm starting to simply go through the motions. I need to change that.
But I'm still good.
'If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.'
[Job 36:11]
I'm good.
God is good.
Family is good.
Friends are good.
I love this.
Love this.
I'm complaisant... but complacent.
I don't want to be complacent, though. And I'm complacent in a non-faith aspect. I'm at a standstill in my faith. I'm starting to simply go through the motions. I need to change that.
But I'm still good.
'If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.'
[Job 36:11]
Ch. 48 - A Feel Good Feeling
Laughter is magical.
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.'
[Psalm 4:7]
'Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.'
[Psalm 4:7]
March 2, 2008
Ch. 47 - OT vs NT
Our God is good.
Our God is gracious.
Our God is righteous.
Our God is merciful.
In the Old Testament of the Bible punishment for sin is a major theme.
We see the wrath of our God.
But in the New Testament of the Bible forgiveness of sin is a major theme.
We see the love of our God.
It's just interesting to see how the nature of God does not change over time, although His mind can change.
' "I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless." '
[Isaiah 13:11]
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
Our God is gracious.
Our God is righteous.
Our God is merciful.
In the Old Testament of the Bible punishment for sin is a major theme.
We see the wrath of our God.
But in the New Testament of the Bible forgiveness of sin is a major theme.
We see the love of our God.
It's just interesting to see how the nature of God does not change over time, although His mind can change.
' "I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless." '
[Isaiah 13:11]
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'
[1 John 1:9]
Ch. 46 - Move, Mountain!
I've decided to use a devotional as a cop-out, if you will, for today's 'chapter.' I received this in my mail today and it was really a blessing. It definitely spoke to me... I know that God wants me to overcome this obstacle. Not just step around it, dig under it, or backtrack to find another way to advance in my walk - but to completely soar over the hurdle that's right in front of me. I will ask for God's strength to do so, but I realize that this one's up to me. I can't be afraid anymore. I'm going to have to throw the first punch again - but this time I'm not holding back, because I finally don't care that my mountain will definitely hit me in return.
Speak to Your Mountain
' "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." '
[Mark 11:23]
"Talk to mountains? Do you think I'm crazy?" Jesus talked to things, and taught that 'anyone' could also speak to mountains. A mountain is primarily any obstacle that stands in your way. Faced with obstacles, most Christians pray to God. But Jesus told us to speak directly to the obstacle and tell it to be removed.
There is nothing wrong with discussing things with God. You should. But when something is blocking your progress, Jesus said you should tell it to get out of the way. Most Christians just speak to God about the mountain, instead of following Jesus' directions and speaking directly to the mountain.
Are you just talking to God about the problems in your life, instead of talking directly to the problems and telling them to be removed?
'He replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ' [Matthew 17:20]
According to Jesus, unbelief keeps us from speaking to our mountains. What is the mountain in your life? What stands in the way of your progress? What holds you back from going forward and fulfilling God's plan?
Speak God's Word to that mountain! Speak to the devil and his forces and tell them to get out of your affairs. Speak to sickness and tell it that it can't stay in your body. Speak to debt and financial lack and tell them to be removed from your life. Speak to doubt, fear and worry and tell them to be gone.
If you say, "I just can't believe it would do any good for me to talk to problems," that's why you still have them.
Read what Jesus said again, and again, then say this: "I will speak to the mountains that try to hold me back."
Speak to Your Mountain
' "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." '
[Mark 11:23]
"Talk to mountains? Do you think I'm crazy?" Jesus talked to things, and taught that 'anyone' could also speak to mountains. A mountain is primarily any obstacle that stands in your way. Faced with obstacles, most Christians pray to God. But Jesus told us to speak directly to the obstacle and tell it to be removed.
There is nothing wrong with discussing things with God. You should. But when something is blocking your progress, Jesus said you should tell it to get out of the way. Most Christians just speak to God about the mountain, instead of following Jesus' directions and speaking directly to the mountain.
Are you just talking to God about the problems in your life, instead of talking directly to the problems and telling them to be removed?
'He replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ' [Matthew 17:20]
According to Jesus, unbelief keeps us from speaking to our mountains. What is the mountain in your life? What stands in the way of your progress? What holds you back from going forward and fulfilling God's plan?
Speak God's Word to that mountain! Speak to the devil and his forces and tell them to get out of your affairs. Speak to sickness and tell it that it can't stay in your body. Speak to debt and financial lack and tell them to be removed from your life. Speak to doubt, fear and worry and tell them to be gone.
If you say, "I just can't believe it would do any good for me to talk to problems," that's why you still have them.
Read what Jesus said again, and again, then say this: "I will speak to the mountains that try to hold me back."
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