Ch. 204 - An Attack

I was attacked tonight.
No, I wasn't charged at or punched or kicked or slapped or even verbally attacked.
It was much worse than any of that could possibly be.

I was attacked by the enemy.
I don't know why, exactly.
But I do know that it was not a good time.

I've been heavily attacked a few times before - and tonight was, in comparison, no worse than before. In fact, it was considerably weaker than previous times. The only thing that differed was the fact that I do not feel close to God right now, whereas in the past I was extremely close to God when I was attacked.

I think it was just supposed to be one more thing to try and make me feel that I'm not close with Him. I already know and have said that I'm not. However, I'm now truly striving to work on it... and the fact that I'm walking back to the path I'm supposed to be on is upsetting to the enemy. But I'm not going to be brought down further by him. I'm tired of it. Besides, I have support in this, you know? I have help. I have love. I have prayer. And that's the best thing to have in this situation, I believe.


'And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.'
[1 Peter 5:10-11]

Ch. 203 - Don't You Remember?

I made a commitment to God almost nine months ago (see Ch. 5). A commitment that I hope to never break. A commitment that I shouldn't wait to start living my life by. A commitment that means everything to me.

I have felt like such a punk lately. Honestly, I've just slipped away from the world, it seems - and I've also slipped away from God. I try to dive into His word and as soon as I open my Bible I want to put it down. I try to speak my mind and heart to God and I find my mind wandering. I don't really give Him my undivided attention. I let situations and circumstances from the past control my thoughts and emotions and that is not fair.

It's not fair to me.
It's not fair to my friends and peers.
It's not fair to my God.

This has to be the longest valley I've ever traveled. I feel like I'm walking on sand. Let me tell you... I am more than ready to let God put me on stable ground and help me start climbing a mountain.

I give my life to you, God.
Take from me my burdens.
Make my heart new.
Restore my soul.
Pour out your love, mercy and grace unto me so that I may overflow unto others.
Use me.


'But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.'
[1 Kings 8:61]

Ch. 202 - My Shield

'And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.'
[Philippians 4:7-9]

Praise upon praise upon praise that I have the peace of God...

Ch. 201 - A New Walk

Over the last two days, I've been told by four people that I walk fast. And just because four people said something doesn't mean each person only said it once...

I do walk fast.
I often find myself speaking as if it's the last time I'll ever be able to talk.
Thoughts fly through my mind, seemingly at millions of miles per second.

Why?

I am a positive and definite advocate of punctuality.
I don't want to be a bother and make others wait on me.

I get excited when I feel as if what I want to say is of worth.
I don't want to sound like I have no clue what I'm saying as I'm saying it.

I sometimes feel as if I can't control my thought processes.
I don't want to think about one thing for too long a time.

These may or may not be the true reasons as to why I walk, speak and think quickly. I honestly couldn't tell you. I think the first statements that correlate with each thing I do make the most sense to me and are the truest of all the statements.

However, I think the absolute reason is this:

I don't want to waste time.

I really do feel as if I always need to be going, going, going. I can't waste time doing this or doing that when I could and should be doing this or doing that. Yet I'll go on a long, but quick-paced walk in the evening to get away and just spend time with God. I enjoy doing so, but sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing things the way I should be. Right now it's more like quantity over quality. I don't like this! It's simply what happens. Time to change things up. I actually feel pretty worn out, you know? And I don't feel as if my spiritual life is as great as it could be.

Most people have heard the saying, "Take time to stop and smell the roses." I'm realizing that I really do not do this. I think I have a pretty deep appreciation for a lot of things and people... but I'm not applying that appreciation, showing that appreciation, if that makes sense.

A bit ago I read a chapter in one of my Discipleship books. I had already been thinking about the fact that I really do rush around a lot, both physically and spiritually. Then, as I was walking and chatting with one of my friends (and yes, he was one of the people who said I walk fast) today, he mentioned this chapter in the book. Reading that chapter was actually next on my to-do list for homework anyway, but he kind of set things up for me and unknowingly helped me prepare my mind for it, which was nice.

... The chapter is titled 'An Unhurried Life'. Hm. How appropriate!

What can I say? It's a God thing.

The chapter really helped me see how fast people take life and how doing so simply isn't good for you. One of my favorite parts of the chapter was in the very beginning. The author is talking about how he had called a friend for some spiritual direction. He asked him, "What do I need to do to be spiritually healthy?" The friend replied, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." As soon as I read that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. It was basically an 'Aha!' moment. I was really grateful that the author included his situation and that story in this chapter.

The life we have on Earth is short.
The life we have on Earth is dirt compared to the life we will have in Heaven.

But that doesn't mean that there aren't things to see and enjoy here.
That doesn't mean that God doesn't want us to slow down and cherish what we have been given.

I'm ready to challenge myself to slow down.
I'm excited to see what will happen in the long (and maybe even short) run of things by slowing down.


'The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones. For who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who is like the Lord among the heavenly beings?'
[Psalm 89:5-6]

Ch. 200 - A Divine Order

The only thing that's going through my head right now is how incredible it is that God truly has a plan for me. He has put every step I take into motion. He knows what is going to happen. I know I've been saying this pretty often lately, but it seems I can't wrap my mind around it. I mean, honestly. He does know what we're going to be doing. Where we'll be going. Who we'll be meeting.

And that gives me such a peace and comfort that it almost scares me.
I've said it before - I'm a planner. But I'm finally completely okay with the fact that God has the reins. My life is in the palm of His hand and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. Conversations. Failures. Accidents. Meetings. You go through trials for a reason. You go through joys for a reason. Everything is part of God's plan for you. It may take a very long time for you to see why something happened, but chances are you will understand eventually. God reveals things on His time, not ours.

God keeps us on our toes. Definitely a good thing. I can ask, "My God, where are you?" all I want, and keep thinking that He's hiding from me. But it's always the other way around. Thankfully, when I earnestly try to find Him, He reveals Himself almost instantly. As soon as He does this, He speaks to me with such beautiful words and gives me encouragement, strength and advice. Whether it's through sermons, people, music... He never fails. I usually hit the ground pretty hard and find myself at a very low point right before I find Him. But He lifts me up. I cannot give Him enough thanks and praise for all He has done, is doing and will do for Me.

I can only imagine what He has in store for my future. But I know that everything has been set out just so in His hand, so I have no reason to worry. Beautiful.


'Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.'
[Psalm 28:6-7]

Ch. 199 - Lead Me, O God

This week's memory verse:

'Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.'
[Psalm 139:23-24, NASB]

23. August 2010 Edit:

These are pretty well-known verses, I believe. I wonder just how often each day they are turned into prayers lifted up to my Lord God. I know I have done so in the past, and will do so in the future. Yet I believe that it is a difficult prayer to pray. I like to think that I retain a mystery factor. "Only I know this or that..." Not true. God does know my heart. Oh goodness... He does know my anxious thoughts. Uh-oh... Oh, and if - okay, when - He sees there is a hurtful way in me, I'm never really so sure that I want to know about it! Because that means I have to make a change and we all know how difficult that can be... But the revelations He gives us because of His divine insight are to help us, not make us nervous or irritated. They are to help us so that He can, indeed, lead us in the everlasting way. Because we cannot - no matter what we think - do it on our own. We need that discipline, love, and guidance that He provides us.

Ch. 198 - Talking to Learn

I don't talk a whole lot. I mean, I do when I'm comfortable with people. But even then - as I've said many times before - I like to listen more than talk. But I'm finding out that the more I do talk, the more I learn about myself. I hope that makes sense. It's kind of like as I say something, I have to slow down because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. And it makes me think. 'Did I really just say that? Wow, do I mean this? Is that how I really feel? Hm. That makes sense... Ok, yeah! Yeah, I'll go with that! Great!'

As I speak up more and talk to people about faith and God and journeys, I'm learning more about my relationship with God and where I am at certain points in time. And I'm really grateful for this. I'm also glad that God knows me better than I do. He knows where I'm coming from, where I am, where I'm going. He knows the depths of my heart and I love the fact that He loves me for who I am, no matter what.

God is good.


'My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'
[Psalm 139:15-16]

Ch. 197 - The Desire

I want God to put my heart in a dishwasher. Extra strength cleansing. Honestly. I need it.
And you know, I'm just so tired. My soul is tired. My heart is tired. And I really need to stop lying to myself, saying that everything's okay. I need to stop pushing people away and isolating myself. I need to tear down the façade I've built. Pronto.

Man. How do things get out of hand so quickly and subtly? Seriously.
And now I feel all emo. Dang it.


'Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.'
[Psalm 51:10-11]

Ch. 196 - Thanks

God knows what we need and when we need it.


'Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!'
[Psalm 32:10]

Ch. 195 - This Is IT

I've had it with myself. I am so ridiculous. If I have to go above and beyond and work at this harder than anybody's ever had to work... if that's what it's going to take... so be it.
I'm there.
I'm ready.
Watch it.


'Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.'
[James 4:10]

Ch. 194 - Not Worth It

' "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." '
[Luke 6:27-28]

I really need to do just this. It's not even that I have enemies or people who hate me or curse me - or I at least hope I don't! Eh, mistreat me, maybe. But seriously - I have it good compared to a lot of people. However, I can still become discouraged or upset based on what people do or say, even if something's not exactly directed towards me.

I just pray that God will lay what Christ said in Luke 6:27-28 on my heart all the more, no matter what situation I am in. Big deal, not a big deal... serious matter, light matter... it's important to truly love everybody for who they are and to meet them where they are.

Ch. 193 - Sacrifice

I'm not sacrificing anything.
I don't know how, exactly, but I want to change that.

Sacrifice has new meaning for us as believers. Romans 12:1 says we are to be living sacrifices, and that it's our spiritual act of worship. This is pleasing to God. We should want to sacrifice for our God.

We have to give up our lives and continually give more than we have.

When you sacrifice that which cost you nothing, your sacrifice is greater than you can imagine.

What would the world - and the body of Christ - look like if we willingly sacrificed more in order to serve and please God, as well as serve others?


'For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will.'
[2 Corinthians 8:3-5]

Ch. 192 - I NEED YOU

My God, my God, where are You?

I'm not doing too well.

I really need some down time with God... for like, a few days.
That's it.
Nothing and no one but God.

I technically have the freedom to do that, but it's so difficult when you're constantly with people who you know will ask questions. Sometimes I wish I could get away with just not talking to people. Ever. Isn't that terrible?

Today was not fun.
I'm dealing with so much at once, it seems.
Lies.
Death.
Oppression, even.
And to top it all off, it's so frustrating that dinner's at 5! Man!

I just feel tired. I'm so tired I want to scream. Strange, I know, but it's me. What can I say? Tonight I was running and I just kept going and going. Running's my tonic. Whenever I'm running, I'm good to go. Nothing can touch me. But I suddenly had to just stop. I cried out to God and prayed and tried to listen for Him, but I felt so alone.

Right now I feel as if having a relationship with God is really easy... but I'm making it really difficult for myself. Ridiculous.


'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.'
[2 Corinthians 1:3-5]

Ch. 191 - Treasures

This week's memory verse:

' "Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." '
[Matthew 6:19-21]

22. August 2010 Edit:

People are so strange. I mean, we focus on the here and now... yet also the future.

If I do "this" now... it will get me "that" or "here" in the future.

We will do anything to get ahead. Yet it isn't even always a case of survival of the fittest, necessarily. We want the best for ourselves. We want to impress. We want to be comfortable. We are selfish. We are greedy. And then we become jealous of what we have, and envious of what we do not. People truly lead vicious day-to-day lives. For wealth. For power. For... nothing. These things all pass away. They mean nothing to our Lord God. They are finite, just as we are. Will we get to bring all this "stuff" and whatnot with us when we die? The answer is no. The things that do matter, of course, do not revolve around oneself. That which we store up in heaven can come from many things. But it certainly involves selflessness and humility... things that "we" seem to know little about.

Ch. 190 - Created For a Reason

Sometimes it's really difficult for me to see myself as God's creation. Personally, I have no problem looking around me and knowing that God created all that I see - in regards to both the world and people. But when I look at myself, I just can't always believe that I am a child of God. Those typical questions run through my mind: 'Why would God want anything to do with me? How can God love me? What would God want to use me for?'

God knows me better than I do; He knows who I will become. I mean, people change. We are not consistent beings. Minds change. Hearts change. We can't evaluate ourselves once or twice and simply be done forever. Day-to-day evaluation or reflection is neat because it gives us a better sense of ourselves and how God is working in us. And I can't always be asking myself those questions mentioned above, because I don't want to bring myself down. I simply need to remind myself that yes, God created me. Yes, God loves me. Yes, God has a plan for me.


'For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rules or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.'
[Colossians 1:16]

Ch. 189 - The Dreams

Today in my SALT class my small group leader asked us a question. A simple question. A question with, technically, endless answers. But this question threw me for a loop and I had no idea how to answer it. I did some fast thinking and, when it was my turn, shared an answer that I was surprised to hear myself say.

"What are you guys' dreams?" (Yep. Definitely a Midwesterner.)

Hold up.

'Dreams? What are dreams?' No, just kidding. Honestly, though - I've never truly thought about it. I mean, God cut my first so-called dream for my life completely off this past year. And now I just have a couple of general ideas of what I think God wants to do with my life - but by no means have I ever considered those general ideas to be dreams. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that they could certainly be called dreams, because they both include passions of mine and would be ways of serving God, which is all I ultimately want to do.

Doing missions in the Middle East is a dream of mine. Letting Muslims know that there is something more out there than rituals and the fear of doing enough good deeds to be saved is definitely on my heart. It may or may not be part of God's plan for me, but that's alright. If it is indeed His will, He'll make it evident at one point or another. That was my more apparent 'dream' because I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.

The other dream that I shared was the dream that I realized I had as I was saying it. It's something that's always been on my mind, but I never considered it a dream. But it's something that's of a large enough magnitude that it could be considered a dream. I want to spread the true Gospel to Mormons in Utah. They have this twisted view of Christianity that simply isn't true. And it's not fair to anyone, really, to let them believe that they are saved, when they are not. There's already a movement starting in Salt Lake, right up at the University of Utah. Ute-Nited is definitely going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives, whether they are Mormon or not. It certainly made an impact on me. It - and the people that started it and were part of it - is one of the reasons why I'm here at Central this year.

My SALT group noted that we were all missions majors (or at least are for now...), but we had such different dreams from each other. It's interesting to see what God has placed on our hearts through the lives we've lived so far - and it'll be interesting to see what actually happens over the years, and what dreams will become reality for us.


'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'
[Romans 8:28]

......

Ch. 189, Part Two:

This week's memory verse (for Thursday):

'This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written on it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.'
[Joshua 1:8]

Ch. 188 - Fellowship

I'm learning that fellowship with believers is more important than I once thought it to be. Even when God is not the focus of discussion or anything, or activities are not centered around faith or 'doing good works', just hanging out with friends who are believers is really good for you. The energy just seems to be more positive and I find that I definitely have a better time with believers than nonbelievers (because I certainly do have friends who are not saved). To have God-time with others is nice, but sometimes it doesn't have to just be about God, you know? As long as your actions and words are honoring to God, I think you're good to go; I believe it pleases God to be in fellowship with one another.


'All the believers were together and had everything in common.'
[Acts 2:44]

Ch. 187 - Appear in Glory

'... For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.'
[Colossians 3:3-4]

12. August 2010 Edit:

Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold on a second. 'When Christ, who is your life...' Christ is my life? What a flooring thought. He is not only in my life... He is my life. ... Right? I don't know that I can confidently say that this is true. He should be. I mean, how many times have I said or thought or sang that He is my Everything? And that I give MY everything to Him? If we have truly died and been born into the death of Christ, it should be an ongoing, apparent process... we should be different. Changed. Christ should truly be at the center of our lives. He died for us, the least we could do is live for Him.

Christ is your life.
Make it true.
Make it real.

Ch. 186 - Leaning on God

I can't keep missing people and experiences. I mean, it's alright to do so, I suppose. But when it's getting in the way of my walk with Christ, it's definitely not alright. Things simply aren't the same here as they were in Salt Lake, so I can't expect to grow in the ways I did when I was at the University of Utah. I just can't.

It's just that I miss talking.
Not talking to people.
Talking with people.
Having those true, deep talks.
Meaningful conversation.
I haven't done so since I've been here.

And to be honest, I haven't even talked with God all that much. I may have talked at Him, sure, but I haven't truly listened to Him. I don't give Him as much time as I should. As a result, I haven't felt very close to Him for the past few weeks... yes, even here at Bible college. Oh, sure, I've felt His presence. But that's different from feeling close to Him, in my opinion.

I was talking with my friend Anthony tonight about the whole issue. He reminded me that I need to fully rely on God. Lean on Him. I can turn to friends and family and whatever all I want, but nobody and nothing matters more than God. Just this past week a professor spoke in chapel about surrendering to God and how you need to consider everything but God as garbage. I know in the past I wrote about how Luke 14:26 says that your love for your parents and your life should look like hate in comparison to your love for God (see Ch. 84). This is just a reiteration of what I said then. I'm also going to go 'back to basics' with Isaiah 40:8, which says ' "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." '

I really need to dive into Scripture more. Man. I say that every day, but do I follow through with it? ...... Even if I was more adamant about reading, you can never read enough. As we were talking Anthony told me to read Romans 8. I've probably read Romans a handful of times, but for the life of me, I hadn't the faintest idea of what Romans 8 was about. So I read. Beautiful. It speaks of living life through the Spirit and not letting anything come between you and God. It was exactly what I needed. We spoke about how the enemy will do anything to get you away from God. Just now he told me, "Remember that doubt comes from the enemy, not yourself; don't let him deceive you." That really hit home for me, because right now I am full of doubt. It's a terrible feeling. 'Why am I here? What does He want? What am I supposed to do? Am I here because He truly wants me here, or is it just another step towards where I'm supposed to be? Maybe I haven't given everything over to God like I thought I had. So what now?'

We can think about what God's will for us is all we want. We can mull it over for hours on end and get basically nowhere. That's why we have to take life one day at a time. I know from experience that having a plan of your own doesn't work. You can have a general idea of how you want life to go, I think, but as soon as you have your life planned out to your dying day... that's when God will turn your life upside down. That's why we have to rely on God and trust in Him for everything. Anthony let me in on the fact that God told him that His true will for us is to spend time with Him and become close to Him - and when we do so, He will reveal His plan for us.

But first you need to lean on God for everything. That's where it all begins. If you aren't leaning on Him, you aren't going to be close enough to hear what He's saying. So how will you know where to go and what to do?


'You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.'
[Romans 8:9]

'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?'
[Romans 8:35]

Ch. 185 - A Little Help

James. My new favorite book of the Bible.

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'
[James 1:2-4]

......

Ch. 185, Part Two:

I just read through some of my previous posts and realized that I've actually been using Scripture verses from James quite a bit recently. I just hadn't realized it until now. And the reason I said that James is my new favorite book of the Bible is because a couple days ago somebody had told me to read it and God spoke to me through basically the entire book. It was really uplifting and is currently helping me deal with some rough patches I'm going through. God is good. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it.

Ch. 184 - Taking the Time

I have not written for one week.

That's a long time.

The pace for school has heavily increased and I find myself not wanting to wind down and think about the day, but instead wanting to simply crawl into bed - and often later than I would like to be going to bed... much later. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying studying and working on my assignments and everything. It's just that there's so much to do in so little time. And I haven't even started basketball practice. Or musical rehearsals. Or regularly volunteering.

The worst part of it all is that I have been spending so much time learning about God and the Bible and faith in class that I haven't been spending time doing personal devotions or reading my Bible for my own pleasure and benefit. I talk to God a few times a day and that's about it. But today I spent a good hour and a half reading and reflecting and truly spending time with my God. Let me tell you... I got about three hours of sleep this morning because I was up studying for a Life of Christ test (which, of course, turned out to be incredibly easier than expected and cut in half question-wise). I was tired. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't think clearly. My head hurt. My eyes hurt. And it was a rainy morning. Ugh! But after I sat down and truly gave my time to God, I returned to classes with a renewed energy and felt more rested than I have in a long time. Oh, trust me: I'm still very tired. But I feel like my soul is more rested; I think that's really important.

I can't pour myself into anything and everything without asking God to pour Himself into me from time to time.


'Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'
[Psalm 143:8]

Ch. 183 - Eye-Openers

Judge, judge, judge. I don't think I've ever truly struggled with anything like this before. I know I judge people, but here at Central it's so much more apparent to me that I do so. With good reason, I suppose. Stereotypes of youth group kids and perfect, little Christians. So with each day that comes and goes, the judgments that I'm passing - even if they are small and seemingly meaningless - are being shoved right back into my face as I'm proven wrong about who these amazing kids truly are. I'm really trying not to judge others. I'm praying for God's guidance in this. I know I need His help with this absolute weakness. It's taken a couple years of praying to learn patience, and although I'm much better than I was in the past, I'm still learning patience. Thus, who knows how long it may take me stop passing judgments? I'm willing to wait. This is important.


'If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner!'
[Proverb 11:31]

Ch. 182 - Revel in the Revelation

Oh goodness. I love the book of Revelation.


This week's memory verse:

' "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." '
[Revelation 4:11, NASB]

Ch. 181 - Feel the Presence

You are never alone.

Never.


'... so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.'
[Ephesians 3:16-18]

Ch. 180 - All of Him

God is everything to me.
God is my Light.
God is my Father.
God is my Guide.
God is my Protector.
God is my Friend.
God is my Teacher.
God is my Healer.
God is my Provider.
I could go on, but I'm going to take the liberty of believing you get the picture.

When I think about everything that God is to me - as well as my brothers and sisters - I feel overwhelmed. He is such a compassionate, merciful, loving, forgiving God. At times I feel like I might break under what little understanding I have of Him.

But I want more.

I want more of God.
I want more of everything He was.
I want more of everything He is.
I want more of everything He will be.

I'm trying my best at this point in my life to be as selfless as possible. However, I think that wanting more of our God is something we should be selfish about. When I was a little girl my parents used to fight over me. They'd each tug on one arm and say, "She's mine - No, she's mine!" I loved this and I'd just laugh and laugh. My mom tells me this story now and then, I only vaguely remember them doing this. The reason I bring it up is that I like to think of playing tug-of-war over God with everybody else. There's enough of Him to go around over and over again, but we all want as much of Him as possible. I want God to be mine. Sure, I want to share Him with people that do not know Him and have it be that they also want God to be their own, but otherwise, I am going to be selfish with God.


'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.'
[Psalm 23:1-3]

I love that the last part of Psalm 23:3 says, 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.' It doesn't say 'He guides me in paths of righteousness for my sake' or even just 'He guides me in paths of righteousness.' No. '... for his name's sake.' Personally, that's a great reminder of the fact that I'm living my life for God and only God. It's all for Him. All the glory goes to God.