Ch. 606 - Reason

' "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." '
[Psalm 91:14]

Ch. 605 - He is Intimate

I'm really glad my God is good.
And loving.
And merciful.
And just.

He wants the best for us.

He is expectant.
He is joyful.
He is hopeful.
He is confident for and towards us.


'My son, preserve sound judgment and
discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;
when you lie down, you will not be
afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will
be sweet.
Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the
wicked,
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being
snared.'
[Proverbs 3:21-26]

Ch. 604 - Winter Cleaning

In God, there is no darkness. He wants to be the true light in our lives, protecting and guiding us. As that light, the Lord God sees and knows me. Even so, there's nothing wrong with asking God to investigate our lives. It's a bold request, really: 'Search me, O God, and know my heart...' [Psalm 139:23]. But it's a necessity that we often overlook, I think. By asking this of God, and wholeheartedly believing that He will do so, we would be more aware of all that He desires for us - as well as what we are doing that we shouldn't be.

'... know my heart...' Even though God knows it better than I, sometimes I wish He didn't. Because I don't feel it's something that should be known, if that makes sense.

Psalm 51:10 says, 'Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.'

How often do we truly desire to have a pure heart before God? Do we ever even think about it? Or perhaps we simply read this verse in our Bibles and think, 'Oh, that's nice. David's making up with God for having committed adultery with Bathsheba. Wow. What a "man after God's own heart." '

That's right he was a man after His heart... because God's heart is pure - we should be attempting to have the exact same thing. And I think the only way we can start to achieve that is through the full awareness that God looks at our hearts and judges us. If we aren't willing to listen to what He says based on His observations of our hearts, and do some housekeeping out of obedience, then we are nothing.

Out of love for God, listen to Him.
Clean up your act.
Get right.
Attempt to stand before Him with a pure heart.


'O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your
praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I
would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt
offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken
spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.'
[Psalm 51:15-17]

Ch. 603 - Faith to Follow

Faith is made up of that which comes from both the heart and head. The Holy Spirit, being God, is encouraging. We can often find the faith to follow through being encouraged [by the Holy Spirit]. This encouragement, though of the Holy Spirit, so often comes to us through other people. Encouragement can bring about faith, or increase it.

So encourage.
Have faith.
Give faith.
Seek Him.
Take that leap.

You never know what it will allow God to do through you.


'And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.'
[Hebrews 11:6]

Ch. 602 - What to Gain

'Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.'
[Psalm 90:12]

Ch. 601 - Thinking on Thoughts

It's interesting to think back and reflect on what you've learned over time.

For the past four months, I have been carrying around a little, aqua memo book. It contains all sorts of things. Lists. Bible verses. Thoughts on Bible verses. Prayers. Thoughts on prayers. Class notes. Thoughts on classes. Quotes from people and songs. Questions. A few answers. Fortune cookie fortunes... anything and everything has been up for game.

But I like it like that.

This memo book is precious to me.

I filled out the last page yesterday, and looked through the book today.

You know what? Everything was so random, that it was as if I was starting a new book or something for every page I flipped. I suppose that's what I get for writing down anything and everything sporadically, as opposed to regularly and on a specific topic.

But I like it like that.

Got me to thinking...
Sometimes what I learn about God is pretty random.
I mean, there's just so much to God, that I'm always learning something new. And sometimes what I learn is unexpected - as are most of His answers to my prayers. Those are pretty sporadic, too.

But I like it like that.
Keeps me on my toes, you know?

I am simply grateful that no matter what, my God is constant - even when I am not. Which is a lot of the time, not gonna lie.

I don't like it like that.

Yet God is good.
Always.

I like that, too.


'Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.'
[James 1:17]]

Ch. 600 - "The Reason"

'For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.'
[Isaiah 9:6]

Remember.

......

Ch. 600, Part Two:

Okay. I have to admit: I can't help but be pleased that Christmas Day's chapter is a nice, even number with two zeroes. I simply can't!

Ch. 599 - As You Trust

'And again, Isaiah says,

"The Root of Jesse will spring up,
one who will arise to rule over the nations;
the Gentiles will hope in him."

May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.'
[Romans 15:12-13]

Ch. 598 - A Gift of Hope

'Lord God, please answer my prayer.'

"Not yet."

WHOA.


'This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.'
[John 2:11]

Ch. 597 - Sons of God

'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.'
[Matthew 5:9]

Are you a peacemaker?

Ch. 596 - God WITH Us

' "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" - which means, "God with us." '
[Matthew 1:23]

Ch. 595 - Saada

Today in church an acolyte was having a hard time lighting her candelabra. They're always a little tricky; the wicks are usually too short or whatever. For a good two minutes or so, she kept trying to light those candles. She's a bit on the short side, so that didn't help matters. The congregation twittered and chuckled as she continued to reach up. Those candles simply would not light. She eventually lowered her arms and lighting pole, and looked out with a seemingly helpless, concerned look on her face. But then Pastor Harlan walked toward her and reached behind her to lower the candelabra, so that she could better reach it.

That was it.

The moment.

The answer to prayer I've been waiting for.
I can't wait to see what else God shows me from here on out.

Sometimes we simply cannot do things on our own.
We need a little help.

With an "I can do it myself!" mindset, we're not always going to be able to do what we think we can do, or what has been set before us to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you cannot do something. Pride gets you nowhere.


'But you, O Lord, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.'
[Psalm 22:19]

Mehhh context...

(By the way, 'saada' means assistant, or helper [in Swahili]. How I know this is another story for another day.)

Ch. 594 - Contemplation...

I'm thinking about lot of things right now.
I have so many options.
I simply have yet to pray about any of them.

I should probably start doing that.

God has a lot to say.
Am I listening?


'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.'
[1 John 5:14-15]

I love these verses. I think I've used them a couple times before... I'll probably use them again. Most excellent.

Ch. 593 - Peas in a Pod?

'A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.'
[Proverbs 18:24]

Who is your friend that sticks closer than a brother?
Thank God for them.

Also... I'm pretty sure that Jesus is One who would always stick closer than a brother. I could be wrong... but I highly doubt it. Just sayin'.

Ch. 592 - "Fight fight fight fight!"

' "Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." '
[Acts 5:38-39]

Ch. 591 - A Beautiful Journey

FREEDOM!

Sweet, sweet freedom.
From school, that is.

I won't be back in class until five weeks from today.

Music to my ears.

But I have a lot of work to do over break.
Time to return.
Again.
[Because it's "time to return" terribly often, for me.]

Nobody's path is ever perfectly straight and narrow. It can't be. It just can't be. Nobody's ever climbing a continual mountain. Valleys. Deserts. Oases. ... Arctic tundras. They're all part of the journey.

I'm glad.


'A psalm. For giving thanks. Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. '
[Psalm 100:1-2]

Ch. 590 - What Have I Gained?

'I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.'
[Ecclesiastes 2:10-11]

Fitting.
Somewhat, at least.

Ch. 589 - Transitions

The end of the semester is fast approaching. Four finals and a paper stand in my way of going home for break.

Anyway.

This was a tough semester for me. It's hard to verbalize why. Classes weren't terrible. But as I've said before, my thoughts on which classes I thought I would like the most quickly changed... I started to dread a couple classes almost right off the bat. That didn't help. The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful. I was never really behind, but I was never really ahead, either. I'm a pretty stress-free person. I can honestly say I'm able to count the number of times I've truly felt stressed on one hand. Well, now two. So yeah, stress is a rarity. But seriously. The duration of this time of stress was almost unbearable. Literally, three weeks of stress... doesn't do a lot of good for a person's mental and physical health, let me tell you. I've been tired. Weak, even. I've been sick [another rarity for me]. I've been irritable and thus rude, grumpy, and just downright mean. So the moments of joy and laughter I received I held onto dearly and those are what helped me [BARELY] make it to this very moment.

That's not right.

Why?

God was nowhere in all of this, that's why.
I didn't let Him in.
I pushed Him aside.
I remember literally thinking, 'I don't have time for God right now.'

What a hypocrite I am.

I'm the one you hear saying, "MAKE time for God!"

These weeks would have been so much easier had I done exactly that.
It would also make the transition into break a lot smoother, I think.

Because I know I'm going to have to work just that much more to make sure I establish a routinely manner of spending time with God and whatnot. Otherwise, it'll never happen. "It takes twenty days to establish a habit." That's two-thirds of my break right there! If only I hadn't wasted the past twenty days without God, I'd be leaps and bounds ahead.

If, if, if.

I can look back and regret my decisions all I want, but doing so won't change anything. I realize that. But still. If only...

CHANGE IS A-COMIN'!


'I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.'
[Psalm 34:4]

I like this verse, because it reminds me that by answering me when I seek the Lord, He is, in fact, delivering me from my very greatest fear.

Ch. 588 - In the Desert

'I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.'
[Psalm 143:6]

Precision.
As always.

Ch. 587 - Candy Cane Symbolism

I really like candy canes.
I mean... I really like candy canes.

I don't know why, exactly.
I just do.

At the StuCo Christmas party I was told the story of how the candy cane supposedly came into existence.

[To make sure I got it right, I used a website's story.]

A candymaker in Indiana wanted to make a candy that would remind people of the true meaning of Christmas; so he made the candy cane to incorporate several symbols for the birth, ministry, and death of Jesus Christ. He began with a stick of pure white, hard candy: white to symbolize the virgin birth and the sinless nature of Jesus, and hard candy to symbolize the solid rock, the foundation of the Church, and the firmness of the promises of God.

The candymaker then shaped his cane into the form of a "J" to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to the earth as Savior. It could also represent the staff of the "Good Shepherd" with which He reaches down to to reclaim the fallen lambs who, like sheep, have gone astray.

Thinking that the candy was somewhat plain, the candymaker stained it with red stripes. He used three small stripes to show the stripes of the scourging Jesus received. The large red stripe was for the blood shed by Christ on the cross so that we could have the promise of eternal life.

Brilliant.


' "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." '
[John 10:11]

Ch. 586 - Grrrrrr.

'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.'
[Proverb 15:1]

Ch. 585 - On His Time

Anoint us, Lord God.


'Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.'
[Psalm 37:5-6]

Ch. 584 - "Us" VS "Them"

I don't know all the glorious details behind every case... but a lot of students have been kicked out of school this semester. A constant breeze of whispers can be heard in the hallways, classrooms, cafeteria, dorms... there's also my personal favorite, Facebook statuses. And much debate (more like arguing, with some people) as to whether the right decisions were made can be found throughout the school. I really have nothing to say about it all, except for this:

STOP!

People are constantly trying to find out information and base their judgments on personal biases against all those involved... gossip is abounding, and seemingly every day a new rumor pops up. Making your personal opinion made known loud and clear will not change anything. It will not bring people back. It will not establish consistency in the administration's decision-making process.

... See what I mean? I've been influenced by it all, try as hard as I might to not let that happen. Fail.

Instead of gossiping about all this CRAP that's been going on, why don't we strengthen our relationships, encouraging one another? Confess, don't condemn - because we all have problems. We always say that we try to let it be known to nonbelievers that Christians aren't perfect. But I think we need to remind fellow believers of exactly that. Just because we believe we have to set high standards for ourselves so we can be a good example to "the world" doesn't mean that we will not mess up. Maybe if we started being real and stopped worrying about people judging us, we could get help with those problems and start the process of letting God clean our hearts.


'... Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.'
[Ephesians 4:14-16]

Ch. 583 - A Quick Obedience

"Worship Me."

No need to say it twice.


'Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.'
[Psalm 95:6]

Ch. 582 - Know and Become

'I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.'
[Philippians 3:10]

Ch. 581 - Alive and Active

We stood up to sing our praises and prayers to our Lord God and before I knew what was happening, tears were flowing down my cheeks. I didn't even have time to try and hold them back, like I usually do. But without a second thought I started singing a prayer to God.

Spirit.
[fallen]
Power.
[revealed]
Love.
[surrounded]
Freedom.
[embraced]

No worries.
No judgments.
No chains.
Nothing.

Pure.
The way it should be.

Wholehearted.

Unified.
Healed.
Reconciled.


'Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord.'
[Psalm 150]

Ch. 580 - Letdown.

Legalistic.
Not a fan.

Still expecting something great.
But I've finally realized that I'm just not going to get it here.

Not yet.


'I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
[Psalm 27:13-14]

Ch. 579 - ExcitedAnxiousNervous

Will today be the day?
God can do anything.


'Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.'
[Psalm 100:4-5]

Ch. 578 - Preparing Hearts

Revival.
Encounter God.


'They raise their voices, they shout for joy; from the west they acclaim the Lord's majesty. Therefore in the east give glory to the Lord; exalt the name of the Lord, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea.'
[Isaiah 24:14-15]

Ch. 577 - Beauty of Creation

I've come to realize that the best way to incorporate beauty into my life is by surrounding myself with God's creations - nature and people.

Easy enough to do, right? And I mean, seeing His beauty exuding from people's hearts is a wonderful thing to behold.

This world is an ugly place.
For one thing, it's full of sin.
For another, we're slowly killing the planet.
We're not good stewards of the earth.
So what beauty it still contains I treasure dearly.

And when I see God's beauty within people, it seems to heal the world of its ugly spots. God shines through His people.

I like it.


'God saw all that he had made, and it was very good...'
[Genesis 1:26]

Ch. 576 - Living On the Edge

I want to kill myself.
No, I'm not suicidal.
But I want to brutally take my life and throw it all away.
Because I need to.
And if I don't, I'm going to die one day and that will be that.

It's just that every day I find myself thinking, "Ok. Die to self. Got it."
I even have a reminder to do so on my door at eye level so I see it every time I leave my dorm room to "go out into the world". An extra reminder never hurts, right? So I think about it, I pray about it, annnd I fail. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week. Nothing's ever good enough. And what does dying to self even look like? I mean, I don't think I've ever fully, truly died to myself. Alright, so I believe. I trust. Jesus Christ, Son of God, is my Lord and Savior. But then what? I like to think that I consciously make an effort to give God what I can, but I have a hard time reaching the bar I feel I've set for myself. Is there shame in lowering my expectations? Will I more often be graced with that realization of God's presence because I'll finally be "doing better" as I constantly tell myself? Am I really just not getting it? When will I fully understand the consequences of my decisions and actions?

I'm going to hell.
I joke around about that pretty often.
"Uh-oh, I didn't go to chapel today. I'm going to hell."
"Oops, I flipped Tito off in jest. He laughed, I laughed - but I'm probably going to hell."
I'm not joking around anymore.
I. am. going. to. hell...
... if something doesn't change.
And soon, at that.

'Oh, but Natalie... it just takes believing in Jesus. You're okay.'

NO! I'M NOT OKAY!
And if you honestly think that all it takes is what I just stated above...
... then you're not okay, either.

"Relationship, not religion."
True.

The thing is, I don't even have that relationship right now.

But it's more than that, even.
At one point I finally realized that and took things to the next level.
Guess what? I'm not about to tell you what it entails.
You have to find out for yourself.
How many of us have been spoon-fed everything we believe in?

Yet even though I had taken things to that next level, it wasn't from the heart. I am forgetful. I put what truly matters aside. Two steps forward, one step back, right? Or one step forward, two steps back. Either way, I move backwards at one point and I don't want that. But I let myself anyway. I've done it before, I'll do it again. I know what happens, I know how I'll feel, I know the consequences. And I hate it. So why do I let myself do it over and over again?

Do I care?
DO I CARE?

"I want to kill myself."
"I'm going to hell."

These seem like pretty rough statements. And they are.
But I've found that it often takes extremes to get me to change.
[I know I've said that before.]
I have to learn things the hard way, you know?


' "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven... Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" '
[Matthew 7:21,23]

Ch. 575 - Back.

Ten days.
This time on purpose.

Reflection.

I don't like what I see.

Lord God, help me up.


'The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.'
[Proverb 15:33]

Ch. 574 - To Thine Own Self?

This morning in class a girl prayed regarding a classmate. A peer. A friend. She said, "Sometimes we see people's true colors come out when they are upset." Paraphrased. Because I'm actually writing this on November 27. But that's the gist, if you will. Anyway.

I agree.
I mean, when people are upset, they tend to say things that are filled with passion. Emotion. And more often than not, those things are hurtful. Raw. And they follow up with something like, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I was angry." But here's the thing. You may not have meant to say something a certain way... but chances are, the feeling behind what you said was real. It's fuel for what you say. So really, no matter how you direct something, the source remains the same.

But here's what's been bothering me.
Shouldn't we see people's true colors... always?

I think so.
I wish.

STOP HIDING.
STOP PRETENDING.

We're flawed.
We're sinful.

And even though people say 'they know' they are and so they turn to God and thus put their true selves out there because "His opinion is what matters most!"... they don't truly do so. It's evident.

We care too much about what others think of us and aren't trusting enough to confide in one another. Confess. Repent. Be encouraged and loved.


'Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.'
[Galatians 6:2]

James 5:16.

I'm simply tired of feeling like I don't see people for who they are.
It's becoming difficult to see people as the person God created them to be.

And that includes me.

Ch. 573 - Plea

'Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. ... Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.'
[Psalm 27:7,9-10]

Ch. 572 - Not Good Enough

Seven days.
Man oh man...

A lot can happen in seven days.
Say, creation.

Theories aside, that is.

As always: no excuses.
Moving forward.

So to be honest, not a lot has happened.
But that's my own fault.
I haven't been pursuing God too greatly as of late.
Because I am human.
[In other words, dumb.]
Oh, but my sincerest apologies to all you brainiacs out there...
i.e. members of Mensa.

"I'll do better."
Right, Natalie, right.

I think I can more easily answer one of my questions from my last post.
[No.]


' "Consider this, you who forget God,
or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue:
He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me,
and he prepares the way
so that I may show him the salvation of God." '
[Psalm 50:22-23]

Ch. 571 - Conviction [Squared]

... Shout-out.

One of my favorite professors spoke at chapel today. : ) Now, he doesn't use big, fancy words to show us that he knows his stuff. He doesn't seem to be a fan of formality and he's not always the most eloquent speaker in the school. And sometimes he says things that he probably should have thought about before letting the words come out. Yep - he's a trouble-maker... but he's impactive. Passionate. He tells it like it is. He doesn't skirt around certain issues. He doesn't sugarcoat what he believes to be important, and he challenges those around him to do better. Be better. Not just for themselves or their friends or their families or their significant others... but for God. Which is exactly what we should be doing.

We so often talk about what we're doing "for God" and the good that comes from our being Christian [or our attempting to do and be so...].

"I'm in church every Sunday!"
or
"I'm preaching the Gospel!"
or
"I'm going on mission trips!"
or
"I'm working with [church] youth!"

And that's good.
That's great.
Positive thinking, right?
"Focus on who you want to be and who you are - not who you used to be or who you aren't!" or "Think about the cans rather than the cannots!" Yadda, YADDA, YADDA.

Anyway. The thing is, I think we do need to focus on what we're not doing now and then. Bring out the negative aspects of your life on purpose, you know?

We say we're going to change [repent].
We constantly talk things up.

But we don't change.
And we certainly don't "walk the talk". Cliché, I know... but it works.

We don't focus on God.
We don't make sacrifices.
We don't give offerings.
We don't hand over everything of ourselves to Him.

Idols.
Obsessions.
They consume us.
We are surrounded by them and they affect us to a greater extent than we most likely realize. It's not necessarily about how much money or time we find ourselves investing in them; it's how far apart they separate us from our Lord God. Obviously both money and/or time aid in that separation, but we don't have to spend a terrible amount of either on our obsessions for them to come between us and God.

......

Does Christ know who I am?
What are my obsessions?

......


'Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.'
[1 Corinthians 6:9-10, emphasis my own]

Ch. 570 - "I am not my own."

(1 Corinthians 6:19)

Alright.

Time to focus inward.
Readying myself.
Time to reach out.

Returning.

Answers to prayer.
Patience with people.
God is faithful.
And good.

Always.


'But he who united himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.'
[1 Corinthians 6:17]

Ch. 569 - In, Through, and With God

' "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives..." '
[John 14:27]

Ch. 568 - "I" Hate

'To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.'
[Proverbs 8:13]

'I' is Wisdom.

Interesting.

Ch. 567 - Mismatched

How much time do I spend thinking about heavenly things, in comparison to worldly things? What are my [major] distractions from spending time with my Lord God? Annnd why do I tend to disregard certain things that are important in my growing in Christ?

I suppose I need to define importance. I also need to prioritize...

Gah.
I don't feel like I'm doing what God wants me to.

Not a pleasant feeling.

PROCLAIM.
I can't.
But I need to.
And I want to.
God will help.

I have passions.
"Fire shut up in my bones."
But sometimes I feel that they die down to mere embers.
I don't like it.

What's the fuel of the fire?


'But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.'
[Jeremiah 20:9]

Ch. 566 - Tough to Love? So What?

' "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. ... If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" '
[Matthew 5:44, 46-47]

Ch. 565 - Undesired Necessity

'Blessed is the man you discipline, O Lord, the man you teach from your law.'
[Psalm 94:12]

Ch. 564 - Wanted: A Jolt!

I'm tired.

I don't want to go to my afternoon classes.
I don't want to read my Bible.
I don't want to pray.
I just... don't.

I need some inspiration.
Motivation.
And whatever other cool -ation words there are that fit my situ-ation.

God is good.
I am not.


' "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good - except God alone." '
[Mark 10:18]

Ch. 563 - One Body, One Goal? Eh.

Why are there unreached people groups?

"They're hard to reach..."

Agreed.

But I also believe that we always seem to think that "someone else" will do it. We may be a whole as the Church... but individual people make up that Church. And we all have our own hearts and minds. Sad as it is, we don't live as one person, as one body. We don't attempt to think with one mind in general. I mean, it's near impossible to do so, I think, because God created us to be unique and different. And that's really cool. It's just that I don't feel we all have the same vision or goal. So first of all, reaching those unreached people groups may or may not be a priority, depending on who you're talking to. Next, we are a stagnant people these days. We're lazy. We like things done quickly. We like to see results right here, right now.

"Out of sight, out of mind."

My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

Think. Pray. Wait. Go.


'And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For god was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.'
[Colossians 1:18-20]

Ch. 562 - Worthy in His Sight

' "O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens." '
[Ezra 9:6]

' "... We are before you in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in your presence." '
[Ezra 9:15]

These words come from a prayer of Ezra.

I thank God that we are no longer able to follow this example of prayer. The words would be spoken in vain, because we are free from the chains of sin and guilt. Yes, we sin. But we are sanctified and thus made worthy to stand in God's presence. What's more, He lives inside of us. So even when we feel worthless... when we feel like the lowliest of life on the entire planet... when we feel unloved and unwanted... God is in our presence and we are in His.

Praise Him for His grace.

Ch. 561 - Just Sayin'...

I am a daughter of God.


'Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.'
[John 1:12-13]

Ch. 560 - The Heartbreaker

I've prayed for him and I've cursed him.
I've loved him and I've hated him.
I've laughed because of him and I've cried because of him.
I've been attached to him and I've ignored him.
I died because of him, and I am living because of him.

I don't know why, but God has placed him in my life for a reason and I will never stop loving him - as a brother in Christ, and as a friend. Life is tough for him. Always has been and, most likely, always will be. This is due to a lot of circumstances that were out of his control, but it has also been due to a lot of choices that he has made over the past few years. Realizations of consequences of said choices are just now hitting him, I think. He is hurting. It's in his voice. And while I'm sure he's becoming a stronger person through it all, things are not how they should be. The biggest thing is that he's not living a life for Christ anymore. He's not God-focused. He said he prays to God in thanksgiving every day, but his relationship with Him isn't what it used to be.

He made Christ come alive for me.
I wished my faith could be like his.
True.
Honest.
Open.
Real.
A way of life.

And now he's saying he wishes his faith could be like mine.

... Wow.

It pains me to see how he's taken so many steps backwards in regards to his walk with God. I pray and pray and pray and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY and PRAY... but for the most part I see or hear of nothing that makes me think it makes a difference. It's incredibly discouraging at times... that is, until I receive something such as a random text from him asking how I'm doing. Because that alone is an answer to a facet of my prayers. A question asked, a prayer request here and there, an update through a phone conversation... all these may seem prosaic and ordinary to most people, but to me they are, indeed, answers to my prayers and thus are cherished gifts that I hold dear to my heart.

But I hate the fact that all I can do is pray and ask God to speak to him through me when we do get the opportunity to talk. I just feel like I should and could be doing so much more for him - but I unfortunately know that cannot be the case.

I can't change him.
I can't soften his heart.
I can't make him do anything.

But my Lord God can do these things.

And I need to remember that.

Just because there is seemingly no evidence of progress doesn't mean that it won't happen. I need to trust God and remind myself that He works all things out for good. There is a purpose for everything. And my God is an awfully amazing God.
Patience.
Patience.
Patience.

Pray in faith.
Expect great things.


'Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.'
[Psalm 90:13-14]

Ch. 559 - Dizzy

'So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!'
[1 Corinthians 10:12]

Ch. 558 - A Renewed Excitement

Laodicea.
[NTP homework.]

A renewed excitement for school.
It's about time...

I am so blessed to be here.
It's a privilege, really.
An honor.

I am taking it for granted and wasting time.
Who am I to do such a thing?

God may be the greatest teacher, but He has allowed it so that certain members of the body of Christ are also teachers... this is a great thing.

More later...

Ch. 557 - Here and Now

'If you gotta start somewhere, why not here?
If you gotta start sometime, why not now?
...
Through the fog there is hope in the distance;
from cathedrals to third world missions,
love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave.'
[tobyMac's City On Our Knees]

I've fallen in love with this song.
It speaks truth and it is convicting.
(Check it out if you've yet to hear it!)

I'm not ready.
I'm willing...
But I'm not ready.

I'm finally realizing that's alright.
There's no rush. People are dying, and going to hell.
But I can't save them all.
I can't save a single one.
God does that.
If He's chosen them, it will happen -
whether God uses me or not, it will happen.

It's not about me.

He will use me wherever and whenever He wants.
I need to develop the abilities and gifts He has given me.
... Although I suppose it'd be a good thing to first identify those abilities and gifts before I attempt to develop them... Ha.

There's so much to do right here, right now.
It's easy to want to overlook that.
No more.


'Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.'
[Galatians 6:9]

Ch. 556 - Seeking Together

'After this, the Moabites and Ammonites with some of the Meunites came to make war on Jehoshaphat. ... Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the LORD, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him.'
[2 Chronicles 20:1,3-4]

Ch. 555 - The Recovery

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if I've become a different person. I can't decide whether I like it or not. Because while I do believe I've changed for the better, I can't completely tell if it's because I've turned to God and finally let Him show me who He truly created me to be, or if I'm simply putting on a mask of someone whom I'd like to be. Now, it is of my own desire, my own choice to take each day with a positive attitude and a cheerful disposition. For example, I begin most days by praying to God for exactly that - and I think it does help me get started on the right foot. And I seem to notice a difference when I don't pray first thing or include that desire in my prayers.

So, in summary:
I pray, I'm good to go.
I've been happier.
I attempt to draw closer to God.

However...

I'm not completely focusing on God throughout my days. And while I do believe that He is the source of my joy, I've come to realize that it is a joy shared with other people. By that I mean my joy is not fully found in God. And thus I find myself turning to my friends as much as, if not more than God.

I don't like that.

Granted, I don't believe it's necessarily a bad thing to receive joy in spending time with others or learning about people. "Fellowship." Right...

But here's the thing:
I said I 'attempt' to draw closer to God.
I feel like I've lost the fire I had a few weeks ago.
I know what's changed. And that's good.
"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."
I need to turn around.
Walk back a few steps.
Find a balance.
It will make things so much better, I think.

I am continually amazed by the fact that our God is consistent.
Man is incredibly inconsistent. Unstable.
Ruled by fear.
Ruled by desires.
Fear God.
Turn away.


'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'
[Psalm 73:26]

Ch. 554 - More

'Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.
[Philemon 1:7]'

Ch. 553 - Justified by Grace

'But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.'
[Romans 3:21-24]

Ch. 552 - Life through Death

'The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" '
[John 1:29]

Sacrifice may be the taking away of life.

Jesus the Christ was a sacrifice.

So in and through Him, sacrifice has given life to many.

What a blessing.


'... and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood...'
[Revelation 1:5]

Ch. 551 - A Lamp

'Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.'
[Psalm 119:105]

Ch. 550 - By His Spirit

'He said to me, "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty." '
[Zechariah 4:6]

Ch. 549 - A Love Story

God is in the stars.
God is in the timber.

Can you see Him?

He is loving.
He is comforting.

Can you feel Him?

God roars.
God whispers.

Can you hear Him?

Be still and know.

No running.
No turning.

He surrounds us.

Are you glad?


'Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise
him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-
stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
play skilfully, and shout for joy.

For the word of the Lord is right and
true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and
justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.'
[Psalm 33:1-5]

Ch. 548 - First and Foremost

In John 17:26 Jesus prays, ' "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." '

I have come to believe and trust that it is God's desire to continually be in fellowship and communion with us.

So why don't we allow time in our day-to-day lives to let this happen?
Are we afraid of growing too close to God?

"Jesus freaks."

What holds us back?
Do we truly and wholeheartedly desire the same thing(s) as God?

The chorus of the song Where We Belong says,
'We run to Your throne, where we belong.
Every heart will sing that Jesus is Lord.
Casting all else aside, for the joy of our Christ.
Let Your glory fall, our hearts are filled with Your fire.'

This is what I desire so greatly - and not merely for myself, but for others, as well. I think when we finally realize how greatly a relationship with God should take precedence in our lives, and attempt to stand before Him with a pure heart, it will happen.

God's will, not mine.

Ch. 547 - "If"

' "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." '
[2 Chronicles 7:14]

Ch. 546 - Rest and Salvation

'My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.'
[Psalm 62:1]

Ch. 545 - The Night Before

A devotional for the day that I received in my email. It's beautifully gripping.

The Healing Choices Jesus Made for You

'Read this as a prayer:

On the night before you died, you prayed for me, that I would be as close as a heartbeat to the Father (John 17:22).

On the night before you died, you called me friend, no longer a servant, because you'd taught me everything the Father taught you (John 15:15). On the night before you died, you came to me with bloody sweat dripping down your face and arms because you'd stared straight into the future with eyes wide open at the truth, while I hid behind the covers of my deep, denial sleep.

On the night before you died, you shook me and seemed to ask, "Can't you watch with me? Come beside me, friend, and wait the time with me" (Matthew 26:40, author paraphrase).

On the night before you died, I saw a man intimate with sorrow, but also the Word become man, "the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14 NIV).

On the night before you died, you understood my struggle, but never demanded that I understand yours. You whispered, "I know how it is, brother, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (based on Matthew 26:41 NIV).

On the night before you died, I saw you, friend, so full of sorrow, yet, on that night you proved to be the better friend, still the teacher, still the brother, still thinking of me above all your own needs, the Lamb of God on mission to redeem faulty friends, like me.'

Ch. 544 - Something Greater

'The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." '
[1 Kings 3:23-27]

Sacrificial love breaks the system.

Ch. 543 - Drinking the Cup

We need to be willing to accept - and even embrace - everything God hands to us... both the good and that which we deem to be "bad".

It's easy to dwell and focus on the negative, rather than the positive.
I know I've said that before, but it seems that it's becoming all the more apparent how important it is to seek out those positive aspects in life.

Turn to the Light.
Turn to what is good.

God gives us hardships for a reason.
I don't think we should be asking ourselves why He has done so when they appear. Rather, we should ask, "How can I turn this around so that glory is given to God?"


'... "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" '
[John 18:11]

Ch. 542 - Jumpstart

I've come to a fork in the road.

There are three options.

I can stand still, looking back and forth between the two paths.
Indecisive? Or unconcerned?
I can meander down one path, which loops back around to where I am.
It is never-ending, yet also never-changing.
Or I can run down the other path, which zigs and zags and twists and turns. Uncertainty is an absolute, but so is the excitement of a new adventure.

Lord God, counsel and guide me.


'The heavens are yours, and yours also
the earth;
you founded the world and all that is
in it.'
[Psalm 89:11]

Ch. 541 - Victory in Christ

'The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.'
[1 Corinthians 15:56-58]

Ch. 540 - Communion

'Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.'
[1 Corinthians 11:27-29]

Ch. 539 - Showing Your Heart

I feel that I never give my best to anyone.
Including God.

That is a difficult realization. It pains me to admit it. Yet I can only imagine the hurt that God feels, because He created me and knows what I am capable of. And while He knows me even better than I do, I certainly know that I could be giving so much more to not only God, but people as well.

I was talking to a friend tonight and mentioned that even though it may seem a bit prideful, I believe I have a big heart. I added that however, I tend to pick and choose the people I want to share it with. And that's not fair. It's easy to let most people only have a glimpse, and then let a select few see it wholly. I believe I have the right to choose whom I want to give my heart to. But God created us to be the body of Christ. I should thus allow people to know my heart. I think by knowing fellow believer's hearts, it's beneficial to one another in figuring out how we can work together and use our God-given gifts and abilities to further His Kingdom.

But how often do we do that? A friend once told me that we can see people's hearts through their words and actions. And while I agree, I think that we have to be careful in our perceptions... because unfortunately, we are a deceitful people. We don't always mean to deceive, at least not to hurt people, but it happens. A lot of times it's for protection of self. And sometimes, I think we honestly don't know that we're deceiving, or tricking others, because it has become second nature to us. The mind is powerful. I mean, if you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it's not a lie.

... So even when we think we're letting people know us, letting people know our hearts, it's completely untrue.

I'm not trying to preach to the choir in these posts.
I use "we" and "us" a lot of the time, which means I simply include myself with those whom I am talking to, but my thoughts are usually in first-person. Going off of what I said a couple days ago, I am often talking to myself when I write.
I am inflicted with sin.
I am not blameless.
I am imperfect.
I tend to see and point out my weaknesses and inabilities before I think about my strengths and abilities. So it's easy to want to put up those walls, so that other people don't know about me. And then, when I do reflect and try to focus on those strengths and abilities, it's difficult to let those walls down and let people in.

Man.
Everything's a ridiculous cycle with me.
For example:
I tend to believe that I don't like myself.
So I put up walls, hoping people won't come to know me.
Then I become sad that I'm not close with people.
So I put up façades, thinking people can't tell anything's wrong.
Then I become upset because nobody knows what's going on with me.
So I put on masks, trying to fool people into thinking everything's fine.
Then I realize I'm not being me, and again believe that I don't like myself.

But then I start thinking, 'Well... do I even truly know who I am?'
Do I really know the young woman God created me to be?
Who is that?
What should my heart truly look like?
What should my life look like?

Part of the chorus of the song Faithful Father by Sarah Kelly says:
'Faithful Father I surrender all to You.
All my love and my devotion, all to You.'

Easy to memorize and sing.
Difficult to truly mean and apply.

Do we - no - do I truly surrender all to my God? Do I give Him all my love and devotion?

......

This week we were challenged to live each day with the intent of standing before God with a pure heart. I love that. It's a beautiful challenge. But how can I attempt to do so if I'm not even giving my best to God right now? And yes, He knows my heart and can see it for Himself... but how can I attempt to stand before Him with a pure heart if I'm not even willing to "show" Him my heart in the first place? Having a big heart, potential, and room to grow won't do anything for me if I'm not willing to share it with other people and my Lord God.


'Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.'
[Psalm 24:3-4]

Ch. 538 - Fix Your Thoughts

'Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.'
[Hebrews 3:1]

Holy.
Heavenly calling.

Do we live as if these things are true?

Ch. 537 - Uncertainty

'How beautiful are the feet.'
'Go, make disciples.'
'Send me.'

It's Missions Emphasis Week at Central Christian College of the Bible.

So a lot is going on.
And it's really great.

God is working on people's hearts, etc.
His Spirit is moving.
Hallelujah - let it be so, again and again.

Prayers are being answered.
Including some of my own.

But...

[There's always a but, isn't there?]

I'm worried.

Are people serious?
How greatly are they being moved?
Where are their hearts in all this?
Do they truly desire to stand before God with a pure heart?
Will they even strive to do so?

......

I'm talking to myself.
I need faith.


'Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
[Psalm 86:4-5]

Ch. 536 - Conviction

If I don't do anything about "it" right now, how much more likely am I to do anything in the future?


' "And the gospel must first be preached to all nations." '
[Mark 13:10]

Ch. 535 - A Pet Peeve

I can't stand it when people don't make requests or say prayers in Jesus' name.

' "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." '
[John 14:13-14]

Maybe I don't fully understand these verses... but it seems to me that Jesus is saying we need to do what I mentioned above in His name... ? Yes, Jesus came to die for us. We can have eternal life because of the grace of God. But this life offered to us was not the only gift given to us by God; Jesus Himself was Life, a gift! He was an example. The perfect example. He was called Teacher. Teachers are examples for their students. Students are to obey their teachers. Now in His dying, Jesus became a Mediator for men to His Father. We can talk to God and ask things of Him and have a true relationship with Him, praise be!

Jesus did so much for us. We shouldn't take anything given us for granted. So heed His words! If He says to do something, do it! Don't ignore it and think that you can get away with not fully following part of His teaching because you start with "Dear God" and at least end with an "Aaamen!"

Ch. 534 - Shame, Disgrace - Replaced

'Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.'
[Isaiah 61:7]

Ch. 533 - He Pardons and Delights

'Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.'
[Micah 7:18]

What if we delighted in showing mercy?

The world be a different place, I think.

Ch. 532 - Shouts of... ?

To the loud and obnoxious group of girls sitting right outside my door, I dedicate this haiku:

I like sleep a lot.
Obviously you do not.
Your death I will plot.

A bit harsh, I know.

But there's a reason why I requested a single and was thus moved to Foundation... I can't catch a break, I guess. With roommates or without, I have come to the conclusion that I simply am not "supposed" to have a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

Booooo.

It just makes me think about how greatly I can't wait to be Home. After the fact that I'll get to be in full and complete fellowship with my Lord God, I appreciate the [assumed] fact that I won't need to sleep. The exclamations and praise that will be ringing throughout the heaven and throne room of God will be music to many ears, including my own... unlike the shouting and laughter that is ringing throughout the hallway and seeping like poisonous gas into my room.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against [happy] shouting and laughter. In fact, I encourage it. But not after quiet hours. Come on, ladies. It'd be one thing if you were worshiping God by singing songs or praying together, but you're not. That would be music to my ears... I would even join you. And I am an absolute advocate of fellowship. But really? I mean, really? Fellowship with a sense of common courtesy is preferred between the hours of midnight and two:thirty in the morning.

If only I weren't so darn non-confrontational.
... Next time.
And if that doesn't work, I'll take it to the next level.

It just goes to show that God is continuing to teach me patience, even though I have so much more than I used to. Beautiful. There is good in all situations.


'This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.'
[Psalm 118:24]

This is the day, indeed... and we actually should be rejoicing at all times - no matter the hour or situation.
Amen?
Amen.
Praise God!

Ch. 531 - Forgiving Grievances

'Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as you the Lord forgave you.'
[Colossians 3:13]

Easier said than done?
Absolutely.

Does that mean that you shouldn't strive to do so?
Absolutely not.

Ch. 530 - Watching Out

'Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist - he denies the Father and the Son.'
[1 John 2:22]

Ch. 529 - Oh no.

It's not even November.
And I feel like I'm on the verge of drowning.
I have no idea why.

But I still feel close to God.

Weird?
... You're telling me.

I don't know what to do.
"Turn to God."
"Pray."

Sigh.
Typical.

Skeptical.
Not good.


'The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.'
[Psalm 28:8-9]

Ch. 528 - A Proud Heart

'Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.'
[Proverb 18:12]

Here we go.

Ch. 527 - Ugly/Beautiful Servants

What is wrong with us?

Why do we get so caught up in ourselves?
Why do we care about meaningless matters?
Why do we let ourselves become distracted by worldly things?

We don't keep our promises.
We don't follow through.
We don't care.
Or love.
Or obey.
Or seek.

And I hate it.

We are wretched creatures.
Beautiful children.

We are ugly sinners.
Radiant treasures.

Chosen servants.

We say we are defined by Christ.
We say we live our lives for Him.

How often are others able to discern these beliefs in looking at our lives?

In his new book, Forgotten God, Francis Chan writes, "My brothers and sisters who have received the Holy Spirit, we often lack love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc., even while many of our unbelieving friends exhibit these traits - brothers and sisters, these things ought not to be so!"

'Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?'
[James 3:11]

You may be able to fool the people of this earth, but you can't fool God.
And His view of you matters so much more.
So stop, already.
Take off the mask you have on.
Destroy it, along with all the others.
Your heart is not more beautiful when you wear one of them.
Love God.
Serve God.
Be real.


' "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' " '
[Luke 17:10]

Ch. 526 - Indispensable

Ear.
Shoulder.

Disregarded.
Important.


'The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable...'
[1 Corinthians 12:21-22]

Ch. 525 - Strength in Brokenness

I'm on such a roller coaster right now. Things are actually going quite well for me at this point in time, for the most part. But when something gets me down, I fall to the ground pretty hard. It can be intense. The thing is, I've recently started praying for brokenness. And God is responding... quickly, and with what seems like no mercy! But I'm glad, because it's something I really need and want - it's simply been difficult to adjust to.

I'm constantly being reminded of how many ways God works and responds. God is God. He is Greater than we can imagine. And yet while I attempt to listen to His voice and I ask for His guidance, I still make a lot of choices on my own accord. For example, even though I had started to look into transferring to Bible college before anything of consequence occurred, my final decision to come to Central was based on guilt. Awful, but true. And it was prayed about initially, but it came down to a quick response. Fortunately for me, God has worked things out in my favor and I believe that regardless of reason for coming to Central, it's where God wants me.

It's interesting, though, to see how my expectations were not met this past year. I've thought about it often and reflected on the months and to this day I am completely unsure about what I did or did not do that affected me in such a way that my relationship with God greatly suffered. Before school ended, I was nowhere near where I wanted to be with God. And while I have started to climb out of the hole I dug myself into, I don't want to start going through the motions again as I draw nearer to God. I don't want to be 'cozy' in my faith. I've come to realize that I often need to go through an extreme before I change or take action. And so I figure that I really need to be broken by God in order to be able to get all the way out of the hole and start down a new path. As I've said before, get back to basics. Make my faith my own once again. And really just be in constant communion with God, learning to completely rely on Him.

Hm. I say so often that I'm going to do that, but I don't. I know I never truly have. But finally... I am.

After all these years, I'm starting to greatly appreciate what He has done for me. A couple days ago someone told me something along the lines of that I seem to be in sync with God's heart. While I appreciated that, I silently disagreed, even though that's something I desire. But I'm unworthy. I'm a sinner. I'm a hypocrite. I don't deserve any of what I have in God and His Son.

Love.
Grace.
Freedom.
[And so on and so forth, a thousand times over.]

Yet God has chosen me and blessed me.
I'll never understand.

But I'm so thankful for the way God is breaking me and molding me and bringing me to my knees day after day. I am drawing so near to God. I feel that I am closer to Him than I've been in... a good year and a half or so. Four weeks. Oh, how far I've come... The only thing is, I think this is occurring partly because I am purposely distancing myself from other people.

Now, most of this has come from a conversation I had with a peer last night. And she brought up a good point. Doing what I am can be dangerous because the only way you can get to know God is through Christ and His Body. I agree. But I've decided that for now, I truly need this separation. It's done a world of good for me. However, I realize that I will need to restructure a balance of alone time with God, fellowship with others, etc. in the near future. God's Church is truly important and we're meant to act upon the knowledge that we can and should be there for one another - whether we need or want help, encouragement, fellowship... it's great to know that after God, we have brothers and sisters we can turn to.

I feel that God is really opening my eyes to a lot of things - both good and bad - and I'm incredibly grateful for this. God is always good and always near, even though we put up blinders and see only what we want to see, or push God away.

Praise God.
Without ceasing.
Accept His blessings.
Even when you feel worthless and sinful and stupid and hated and unloved.
Reach out to God, because He is constantly reaching out to you.


' "O Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?" '
[Deuteronomy 3:24]

Ch. 524 - A New Lens

What breaks your heart?

Bad hair days?
Broken nails?

Damsels in distress?
Unrequited love?
Damaged relationships?

Malnourished African babies?
Displaced refugees?
Human-trafficking victims?
Neglected orphans?

Hurt?
Mourning?
Injustice?
Inequality?
Hopelessness?

......

Knowing there are lost people in this world, who don't know the Christ?

......

What breaks God's heart?


'Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.'
[Romans 12:15]

Ch. 523 - One Man

'For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.'
[Romans 5:19]

Ch. 522 - Stepping Up and Back

Athlete Blake Haxton once said, "You do what you can, and let God do what you can't."

I realize I may be taking this quote out of context.
That's what Bible college does to you...
... but for now, context-schmontext.
If people are allowed to take Jeremiah 29:11-13 out of context without consequence, I figure I should be allowed to do the same with this quote. So. Even with that realization, I'm going to grab the quote and run with it.

There's only so much we can do... it's true. I've touched on that before, I believe. We aren't superheroes, no matter how hard we try to be.
[Off the record: If I were a superhero, I would want the ability to fly. I realize I probably wouldn't be able to do a whole lot with this, but come on. How cool would that be?!]

Moving forward...
We're not omnipotent.
Ruling.
We're not omniscient.
All-knowing.
We're not omnipresent.
Surrounding.

We're not perfect.

I am of mankind.

Ever since the fall of man, God has charged us with challenges and obstacles. No matter how close I draw to God and want to believe that my life will be smooth sailing, I will most likely always be facing some type of obstacle. But I can do my best to overcome it. God has planned out my life bit by bit. He is the One who places challenges in my life. We are presented with obstacles for a reason.

'But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.' [Job 23:10]

Author Millie Stamm said, "Courage is firmly facing difficulties and obstacles, knowing God has promised to be with you."

We should consider obstacles as opportunities to give God glory that He wholly deserves. They are as much for His benefit as they are for ours [in the long term of things], if not more.

We can't rely on ourselves to overcome difficult challenges. We must turn to God in all things. Consult Him. Ask for advice. Guidance. Strength. Patience. Whatever you need, request it of God. Step up to His table of abundance with an expectant mindset, and then step back to allow Him room to move before you as He gathers what you've asked for. Let Him work in and through you, accomplishing what you cannot.

Prepare the way.
He'll do what must be done.
Give glory to Him.


'Praise the Lord.

I will extol the Lord with all my
heart
in the council of the upright and in
the assembly.

Great are the works of the Lord;
they are pondered by all who delight
in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures
forever.
He has caused his wonders to be
remembered;
the Lord is gracious and
compassionate.
He provides food for those who fear
him;
he remembers his covenant
forever.
He has shown his people the power of
his works,
giving them the lands of other
nations.
The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy.
They are steadfast for ever and ever,
done in faithfulness and
uprightness.
He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant
forever -
holy and awesome is his name.
[Psalm 111:1-9]

Ch. 521 - Encountering God

What does an encounter with God look like to you?

Just something to think about for the week.


'As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." '
[Luke 10:38-42]

Ch. 520 - Silenced

"Hate the sin, not the sinner."

It's got a nice ring, eh?
Overused at times.
But it's a good bit of advice, in my opinion.


' "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." '
[Matthew 7:3-5]

Ch. 519 - A Fear of the Future

Eventual complacency on the field.


'Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.'
[1 Peter 2:12]

Ch. 518 - Investment

READ.

' "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'" '
[Matthew 25:14-30]

Stop being wasteful.
If God's given you something, use it.
He did so for a reason.
You have a purpose.
Don't be selfish.

Ch. 517 - Shape Up!

'... And Judah is unruly against God, even against the faithful Holy One.'
[Hosea 11:12]

How often are we "unruly" against the HOLY ONE?

Ch. 516 - Enough is Enough

Unity.
"Togetherness."

Why don't we have it?

Three weeks into the school year... and gossip abounds.
Rumors have been started.
Cliques have been formed.
Feelings have been hurt.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.

'High school mode.'
You know?

Why are we tearing each other down?
Why aren't we building one another up?

Encouragement.
Empowerment.
Edification.

Ripple effect.
Positivity VS Negativity.
Now, I know it's tough to choose between the two...
but uh...
something tells me that we should probably try to aim for positivity.
Cool? Cool.


'May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus...'
[Romans 15:5]

Ch. 515 - Servanthood as a Privilege

What keeps us from fully wanting to serve our Lord God?

How is it that we become so comfortable so quickly?

Routine.
Schedule.
Familiarity.

Why wouldn't we want to serve our God?

We pray for opportunities, for open doors, only to reject God's answers because it's not what we were expecting... or it's not what we want.

"Beggars can't be choosers."

Especially when God has a specific plan for each of us. He knows what He's doing... He is God, after all. Romans 8:28 says, 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' It may be difficult to see how a situation or what have you may be worked out for good, but it can and will happen. Love God, have faith.

When we have faith in our God, He will do unimaginable things. We will see Him move like never before. One of my professors made a really good point in class today: open doors are not for us [believers]. They're for the people whose hearts have not yet accepted Christ. Open doors allow God to go in and work [through us] on the hearts of those people who are not saved.

Because that's what it's about.

"Why do we become all things to all men?
... To save them."

Become a servant to help save others.

We have to be willing to take the first step.
Yet don't just step, but leap out of your comfort zone!
Readily welcome unfamiliar circumstances.

Have a willing heart.
Do all things cheerfully.
Do all things without complaint.

"We are being trained to open our eyes to all the service opportunities around us."

Don't do something because it is required or "forced" upon you.
Be genuine.
Be real.

Don't just love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Take the next step.
Serve God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

We get to serve God.
We have the freedom to do so.
Think about the old covenant of Biblical times.
Only certain people were allowed to serve God.

'The priests, the sons of Levi, shall step forward, for the Lord your God has chosen them to minister and to pronounce blessings in the name of the Lord and to decide all cases of dispute and assault.'
[Deuteronomy 21:5]

But these days believers, followers of God, are all chosen ministers and servants.

1 Peter 2:9 says, 'But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.'

Die to yourself daily.
Take up your cross.
"Walk the talk."

Ready?
Let's go.
Together.
One Life, one Love.
One Body in and of Christ.


'Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name. "They will be mine," says the Lord Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not." '
[Malachi 3:16-18]

Ch. 514 - What's In a Name?

'Filled with wonder,
awestruck wonder -
at the mention of Your name.
Jesus, Your name is Power
Breath, and Living Water...
such a marvelous mystery.'
[Revelation Song]

I love this song.
Man. Who doesn't?
Anyway.

Whenever I get this song stuck in my head, it usually starts with the verse above.

... That's a really good thing.

I don't believe we realize just how true it is: Jesus' name is Power. Look at everything that's been done in His name.

Prayers have been answered.
The Gospel has been preached.
Demons have been cast out.
People have been healed.
Baptized.
Saved.

The list goes on.... truly.

These things have happened through the power of God.
The only reason our requests are given any consideration is because Christ lives in and through us and is our Mediator to His Father.
When He died for us, He gave up His life. But He continues to live and even reign in us by way of the Holy Spirit, living in our hearts.

2 Corinthians 5:15 says, 'And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.'

We displace our lives when we accept Jesus the Christ as our Lord and Savior.
Thus, "the same power that conquered the grave lives in me."

So what's in a name?
Well.
When it's the name of Jesus we're talking about... everything!

And yet we continue to take this matter lightly. Think about how many times a day you hear someone say, "Jesus!"... "Jesus Christ!"... "Jesus H. Christ!" ... "Goddamn it!" ... etc.
In the supermarket.
On the television.
At work. At school.

Speaking of school... storytime.
A friend here at Central told me that the other day he heard a new student going up the stairs. The new student said, "J.C.! Why do there have to be so many stairs?!" We may assume that by saying "J.C." he thought he was "safely" saying the Lord's name in vain. My friend, whom the new student didn't know had heard him, reproved his peer and I'm glad he did so.

So moving forward: We use the name of the Lord to exclaim over our difficulties or supposed challenges - I consider this absolutely uncalled for, especially when I think about the fact that Jesus went through and overcame the greatest "challenge" known to mankind. Knowing there is such power in His name, who are we to speak without thinking about it? Our God is a God of absolute might. He can do anything. He deserves our utmost respect. We are to love God, yes, but we are also to fear Him. I think many people tend to think that fearing God is something only people of the Old Testament times had to worry about, but it's not true. There are multiple verses in the New Testament that speak of fearing God - and, at least in my opinion, New Testament verses are certainly more easily to relate to and live life by [than Old Testament verses]. So we should take these verses to heart. One example is 1 Peter 2:17, which says 'Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God...'

I simply don't think we should be so comfortable with our Lord God. We can be familiar and intimate with Him, yes... it's just that we forget about His glory too often. We are too comfortable in knowing Him the way we do. I've heard people (usually girls, but a few guys, too) start out prayers with "Hey Dad/dy..." This gets to me more than it probably should. I realize God is our Father and we are His children. And if that's how people connect with Him, then that's great. But we are praying to GOD.
The most high Being.
The Designer of everything known and unknown.
The Creator of life.
The great "I AM."

Don't forget that.


'Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.'
[Philippians 2:9-11]

Ch. 513 - On the Same Page

Alright, so I've been thinking about the concept and act of worshiping God all day, through everything one does. And if you know me at all (or have read my blog somewhat regularly), you'll have come to know that I consider worship a lifestyle. So when I went to check my email before going to bed and the following was one of my devotionals for the day, I was pretty stoked to say the least. Fantastic:

Bringing Pleasure to God

'When I first fell in love with my wife, I thought of her constantly: while eating breakfast, driving to school, attending class, waiting in line at the market, pumping gas—I could not stop thinking about this woman! I often talked to myself about her and thought about all the things I loved about her. I felt close to Kay even though we lived several hundred miles apart and attended different colleges!

Just like my love for Kay transformed everything I did, love for God can transform every activity of our daily lives.

Martin Luther once said, "A dairymaid can milk cows to the glory of God." Does that strike you as a strange thing to say? How can an "un-sacred" chore like milking a cow be an act of worshiping God?

Worship is far more than church services with singing, praying, and listening to a sermon. Worship is anything you do that brings pleasure to God. The Bible says, "The Lord is pleased with those who worship him and trust his love" (Psalm 147:11 CEV).

In the Bible, people praised God at work, at home, in battle, in jail, and even in bed! Anything you do can be an act of worship when you do it for the praise, glory, and pleasure of God.

How is that possible? By doing everything as if you were doing it for Jesus and by carrying on a continual conversation with him while you do it! The Bible says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV). And then: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (Colossians 3:23 NIV).

The Message paraphrase says, "Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering" (Romans 12:1).

Worship is not a part of your life, it is your life.'

Ch. 512 - Information Overload

I AM LEARNING.
A lot.

It's pretty overwhelming.

But I like it.
A lot.

I simply feel that God is revealing so much to me right now.
Speaking to me.
Answering prayers.

Those gray areas are dissipating to reveal black and white.
It's been right in front of me the whole time.
I wasn't truly searching.

Praise God for His goodness!


'To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." '
[John 8:31-32]

Ch. 511 - A Work in Progress

I am slowly, but surely, climbing my way out of the hole I dug myself into over the past few months.

It's certainly a challenging task... but it's been extremely gratifying as I see how much progress I've already made.
And the fact that I have God by my side as I climb up is more than encouraging.


'Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.'
[James 4:8]

Ch. 510 - Digging Deep

2 Peter 3:9.

It's been coming up quite often lately... six different occasions, with no connection between each occasion - within the last three days.

The NASB version says, 'The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.'

Now, I'm not exactly why this verse keeps coming up, but I'm sure there's a reason. When God will reveal that reason, I don't know. And it really doesn't matter. But for now I'm going to be doing a lot of meditating on His word and looking into the author's intended meaning (putting that Foundations of Christianity vocab to use - astonishing, I know).

Anyway. Things are going really well right now. I don't have a whole lot on my mind.

Ok, that's a lie.

Rather, I should say, I don't have a whole lot on my mind that I feel like writing about or getting out of my head. My thoughts are just fine where they are, for the time being. God is really wonderful, though. I feel like He's doing a lot not just in my life, but many of the lives of the students here at Central - and it's actually evident, for a change. No complaints there, that's for sure. I'm drawing near to God and He is molding me in His beautiful hands. Cleansing. Purifying. Refining.

Oh yes. I am most certainly a fan of this.
I like it.

Speaking of fandom, I'm a pretty big fan of talking about worship and praise lately. It's fantastic. And so I give you the following as a parting verse:


'Worship the Lord in the splendor of
his holiness;
tremble before him, all the earth.'
[Psalm 96:9]

Ch. 509 - Behind the Line

We look and hear… but do we see and listen? We try to understand things to the best of our ability – but we can’t even begin to truly understand without the Spirit. Jesus spoke in parables for a reason. In a sense, I think He was “weeding” people out. If we’re not truly seeking Him or striving to know Him more or learn about Him, it’s like He doesn’t want us. I mean, He does… but as all relationships are, it’s a two-way street. He’s done His part. We have to do ours. But our relationships with God will not amount to anything if we only go about it halfheartedly. He has given us everything. Existence. Truth. His Son. The gift of eternity. LIFE. These things alone are more than enticing, if you will, but nothing’s ever good enough for us. We are a demanding people; we constantly want more, more, more. Yet God doesn’t demand a lot from us. He commands that we love Him, and love others.

“Easier said than done.”
... Is it really?
Or do we want to make it more difficult for ourselves than it truly is?

"God knows how great He is... why does He need me to remind Him?"
Fine. You're right - I mean, He is God...

NO.
That's just being lazy, for goodness' sake.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES!

Where is the line that we find ourselves crossing again and again? And how do we discipline ourselves to stop short of crossing it? Does it merely take time? What do we need to be asking God to teach us?

Self-control... faithfulness... it seems so cliché, but I think we need to continually be asking for and learning the fruits of the Spirit and living our lives by them. Because the more we do so, the nearer to God we will draw, and the more we will stop crossing that line. We will find ourselves wanting an authentic relationship with Christ. We will want to be with God and give Him our all constantly.


'I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.'
[Ephesians 1:17]

Ch. 508 - Expectant

God hears my whispered prayers amid hundreds of sonorous voices.

How blessed I am to be known by my God.


'O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for
me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your
presence?
[Psalm 139:1-7]

Ch. 507 - A Fragrant Offering

Ephesians 5:2 says, '... and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.'

Ephesians 5:1-2 were the daily Bible verses of a site I visit regularly. Now, I believe they're pretty well-known verses. "Be imitators of God." We like to remind ourselves that we should be striving to be Christlike. But actually following through in doing so is an entirely different story... and that story is for another day. So anyway, these were the verses. And just last night I was out on a walk, just clearing my head a bit and talking to God. One thing led to another and soon I began praying about how I am living my life and how I am worshiping my Lord God; I believe worshiping Him is a lifestyle, not a forty-five minute segment on Sundays (and Tuesdays and Fridays, counting chapel here at Central). I started to wonder whether my offering to God, living my life for Him daily and loving Him to the best of my ability, is a fragrant offering... or if it really isn't very pleasing to God. Does He look down at me and smile? Does He hear something I say and frown? Does He cry when I do something wrong? Does He dance when I do something right?

How many times have I turned away from God?
How many times have I said one thing, and then done another?
How many times have I made mistakes and not learned from them?
How many times have I torn down the body of Christ?
How many times have I denied myself partaking in what God has to offer?

How many times have I run back to God?
How many times have I been guided by the Spirit?
How many times have I asked for forgiveness?
How many times have I been encouraged by my brothers and sisters?
How many times have I realized how incredibly loved I am?

I do learn.
I do grow.
I do love people.
I do love my God.

But...

'With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.'
[James 3:9-10]

This should not be.

I want things to be completely black and white.
No gray matter, you know?
Yet that's not how it is.

But I don't want my life to be a fragrant offering to God one day...
and a horrid stench the next.

Refine me with fire, Lord God.


'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.'
[Hebrews 13:15-16]

Ch. 506 - Enlightened to Hope

I have a beautiful hope in Jesus the Christ.

Do you?


'I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe...'
[Ephesians 1:18-19]

Ch. 505 - Light of Day

'The path of the righteous is like the
first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light
of day.'
[Proverbs 4:18]

'... "As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the
earth." '
[Hosea 6:3]

Ch. 504 - An Appointment

I am the daughter of a big God.
And I mean... He is a big, BIG, BIG God.

My God is faithful.
My God is faithful.
My God is faithful.
My God is faithful.

Matthew 21:22. Believe.

I have been waiting.
God has been teaching me patience the past couple years.
[I asked Him to - a request I have not regretted making, even though it's never been an easy lesson to learn.]
But tonight I fully realized how thankful I am for His doing so.
Having patience makes our waiting all the more worthwhile. We more greatly appreciate what we are given after waiting a considerable amount of time for it than if we are given something right after we ask for it.

Prayers have been answered.
PRAISE THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

Oh sure, I've had prayers answered in the past. The thing is, those prayers were answered just one at a time. This is different. We're talking a handful of prayers, a few of which I've been lifting up to God for about a year or so - and all were answered in one night! What I love most about the fact that God has answered these prayers is that they are not for my benefit alone. What God does in and through answering these prayers will affect more than one person.

I've never been able to understand the fact that God has chosen to use me as one of His instruments, one of His vessels. Unreal. Simply unreal.

I am honored.

I don't feel worthy of being part of what I believe lies ahead.
Yet here I am. Called.
Standing strong.
Standing tall.
Ready.

This past week has been good, albeit rough around the edges. I think that God has really been renewing me in many ways, getting me ready to truly carry out His will for my life, especially during my time spent at Central. The past few days have been a pretty intense lead up to where I am at this very point in time.

I am willing.
I am ready.

Prepare, prepare!
Change is coming.

Hallelujah, hallelujah!
God's glory will shine.

Let it be so.


'... The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.'
[James 5:16]