As I was cleaning out my desk today, I found something I had written for Shawn awhile ago. We had been talking about going into youth ministry and our love for youth and such - but Shawn couldn't help but admit that she didn't particularly care for certain youth... notedly sixth grade boys. They're annoying. They're pubescent. They're obnoxious. They're roughhousers. They're sixth. grade. boys. Enough said.
Here's what I had written:
'If God can love all of us - sinners, murderers, adulterers, thieves, etc. - there's no reason we should not be able to love sixth grade boys.'
Because we are loved, we can love. We can love everybody. And not just pretend to love - but truly, honestly love. With sincerity. [Romans 12:9] That's what God wants of us, after all.
'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.'
[1 Peter 1:22-23]
February 29, 2008
February 28, 2008
Ch. 44 - Don't Give Up
Today was magnificent. I attribute it to running and working out at four in the morning - as has been the pattern for the pasts two weeks, but for some reason it was really super today - a really fun swing class, the warm weather, hanging out with the ever-lovely Kastin Frostl, receiving the box my parents sent me, and finally feeling close to God again. I simply felt happy all day. For the past few weeks I had felt like I had tripped and fallen, not able to pick myself back up. But today I did just that.
God reveals Himself to me at the most unexpected of times.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I had just sat down to read for a bit and let my Bible fall open; this psalm was the first entire psalm of the pages it fell to:
'The heavens declare the Glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his
hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display
knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for
the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming
forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his
course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are
trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure
and altogether righteous.
They are much more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great
reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep our servant also from willful
sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.'
[Psalm 19]
Perfect.
God reveals Himself to me at the most unexpected of times.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I had just sat down to read for a bit and let my Bible fall open; this psalm was the first entire psalm of the pages it fell to:
'The heavens declare the Glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his
hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display
knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for
the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming
forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his
course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are
trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure
and altogether righteous.
They are much more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great
reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep our servant also from willful
sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.'
[Psalm 19]
Perfect.
February 27, 2008
Ch. 43 - By the way...
I just thought I'd let you know that I love you.
I've been thinking about and studying love for the past couple of weeks - really delving into what it is, what it encompasses, what the Bible says about it...
And all I want to do right now is love.
Love you.
Love God.
Love my noisy, country music-lovin' next door neighbor.
Love the man who carries all of his possessions onto TRAX.
Love the old lady who told Anita and I we couldn't go inside her apartment building.
Just... love.
It's important to me right now.
' "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you..." '
[Matthew 5:43-44]
... I wonder what people would do or say if I were to tell them I loved them - even if I don't know them that well or haven't spoken to them for awhile. ...
I've been thinking about and studying love for the past couple of weeks - really delving into what it is, what it encompasses, what the Bible says about it...
And all I want to do right now is love.
Love you.
Love God.
Love my noisy, country music-lovin' next door neighbor.
Love the man who carries all of his possessions onto TRAX.
Love the old lady who told Anita and I we couldn't go inside her apartment building.
Just... love.
It's important to me right now.
' "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you..." '
[Matthew 5:43-44]
... I wonder what people would do or say if I were to tell them I loved them - even if I don't know them that well or haven't spoken to them for awhile. ...
February 26, 2008
Ch. 42 - Together
I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard that 'we' - believers - are the body of Christ.
Have you ever wondered what body part you would be? I've been doing some thinking about just that lately, and I've come to believe that I am the ears and feet of Christ. I listen. I want to go, travel to places that have not heard the Word. Perhaps the arms, too, or the hands - I like to reach out... do things... work with my hands: Build houses. Clean up. Give. I mean, that's what I want to do, after all. Work for God. Serve Him. Help His people.
And I finally know that it's not just what I want. Someone else is pulling me in that direction.
If we were to come together, work together... imagine what we could do. I get emotional every time I think about it. That doesn't happen often with me. I don't let my tears flow freely. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I do more so nowadays than before, but even still. By working together we will build up the body of Christ. People will come to know God like never before. Many people are meant to do great things, they just don't always know it. Things for others, for God. So take the first step, whatever it may be. I can't tell you. It's up to God. Trust in Him, have faith, and see what happens.
'... to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.'
[Ephesians 4:12-13]
Have you ever wondered what body part you would be? I've been doing some thinking about just that lately, and I've come to believe that I am the ears and feet of Christ. I listen. I want to go, travel to places that have not heard the Word. Perhaps the arms, too, or the hands - I like to reach out... do things... work with my hands: Build houses. Clean up. Give. I mean, that's what I want to do, after all. Work for God. Serve Him. Help His people.
And I finally know that it's not just what I want. Someone else is pulling me in that direction.
If we were to come together, work together... imagine what we could do. I get emotional every time I think about it. That doesn't happen often with me. I don't let my tears flow freely. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I do more so nowadays than before, but even still. By working together we will build up the body of Christ. People will come to know God like never before. Many people are meant to do great things, they just don't always know it. Things for others, for God. So take the first step, whatever it may be. I can't tell you. It's up to God. Trust in Him, have faith, and see what happens.
'... to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.'
[Ephesians 4:12-13]
February 25, 2008
Ch. 41 - God Equips Us
I was reading on CARM (Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry) yesterday and noticed they had an evangelism tab. For some reason, I couldn't recall seeing it before. So I thought I'd check it out - seeing how I'm going on an evangelism trip this summer and all, you know. Ha.
I did a bit of exploration, and found something I really liked. It's called the Roman Road. It takes you through the gospel of Jesus Christ in a few verses of Romans.
Romans 3:10: 'As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one..." '
Romans 3:23: '... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God... '
Romans 5:12: ' Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned - '
Romans 6:23: 'For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
Romans 5:8: 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'
Romans 10:9: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
Romans 10:10: 'For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.'
Romans 10:13: '... for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." '
I did a bit of exploration, and found something I really liked. It's called the Roman Road. It takes you through the gospel of Jesus Christ in a few verses of Romans.
Romans 3:10: 'As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one..." '
Romans 3:23: '... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God... '
Romans 5:12: ' Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned - '
Romans 6:23: 'For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
Romans 5:8: 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'
Romans 10:9: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
Romans 10:10: 'For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.'
Romans 10:13: '... for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." '
February 24, 2008
Ch. 40 - The Great Commission
I've been accepted to the Virginia Beach Student Venture summer project!
You have no idea how excited I am for this summer. It should be amazing.
I'll be in Virginia Beach from June 1 until August 12. I'll spend the month of May at home in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and head back to Iowa after August 12 for a week or so before I have to be back in Utah for school.
Gah. There's so much I wanted to do this summer. I had made quite the list, actually. Summer project was at the top of the list, though, so I can't wait to head out and see what God has in store for me.
Something in my heart tells me that this is going to be huge for me.
Huge.
'Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." '
[Matthew 28:18-20]
These verses are what Campus Crusade for Christ emphasizes for summer projects.
You have no idea how excited I am for this summer. It should be amazing.
I'll be in Virginia Beach from June 1 until August 12. I'll spend the month of May at home in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and head back to Iowa after August 12 for a week or so before I have to be back in Utah for school.
Gah. There's so much I wanted to do this summer. I had made quite the list, actually. Summer project was at the top of the list, though, so I can't wait to head out and see what God has in store for me.
Something in my heart tells me that this is going to be huge for me.
Huge.
'Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." '
[Matthew 28:18-20]
These verses are what Campus Crusade for Christ emphasizes for summer projects.
February 23, 2008
Ch. 39 - Letting Go
Last night Zach and I went on an adventure. I had tried to sleep - I felt so tired. I tried going to bed early, really worked on calming my mind down, even read an incredibly boring book - but, as has been the pattern for the past week and a half, I couldn't fall asleep. So I started calling around (it was only about 9:45 or so), but people were either already out and about or didn't answer. Then I called Zach and he wasn't doing anything, so I headed over. We hung out for a bit, he got on the topic of Jordan, and showed me some of the things he has that remind him of her. His second book that he made her, pictures, a teddy bear. Things like that. He wanted to get rid of some of it, so we went on a hike on a trail behind the HC and Benchmark to burn the book and some pictures. It was a pretty nice night. The trail was a bit slippery and the snow was deep here and there, but it was fun. It was his last good-bye, basically. Good for him.
It can be hard to do things like that. You have to realize that it's time to take action. You have to be ready. You have to know that it's time to move on.
That it's time to live again.
Without that dead weight on your shoulders.
Without worry.
Without stress.
Without everything from the past that holds you down.
But with a new hope in your heart.
With love.
With patience.
With the knowledge that God has you in His hands.
Give it all to God. Lay everything at the foot of the cross.
That's what I'm learning. And it's a great lesson. Last night reminded me of that.
' "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." '
[Matthew 11:28-30]
Yep. Rocking the Matthew, indeed.
It can be hard to do things like that. You have to realize that it's time to take action. You have to be ready. You have to know that it's time to move on.
That it's time to live again.
Without that dead weight on your shoulders.
Without worry.
Without stress.
Without everything from the past that holds you down.
But with a new hope in your heart.
With love.
With patience.
With the knowledge that God has you in His hands.
Give it all to God. Lay everything at the foot of the cross.
That's what I'm learning. And it's a great lesson. Last night reminded me of that.
' "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." '
[Matthew 11:28-30]
Yep. Rocking the Matthew, indeed.
February 22, 2008
Ch. 38 - 24 Prayers
Today was a full day of prayer. Once an hour, for twenty-four hours, I set ten minutes aside to pray. I've had such trouble sleeping these past few days, basically not sleeping at all, so I figured why not use those hours for something other than reading, doing homework, and running? So from 5:00 PM yesterday to 5:00 PM today, I prayed once an hour. I've done these days of prayer before, but it had never been as meaningful or beautiful. I didn't take as much time to listen to God so much as I took time to simply talk to Him, and that was okay. Truly okay.
God talks to me and helps me when I talk to Him, holding nothing back but technically not asking for anything specific, as He does when I do just that. He guides me through my own thoughts as I pray and I can feel my heart swell and beat with the Holy Spirit.
That's probably my favorite feeling in the world.
Followed up by the feeling of adrenaline racing through my veins - especially when going fast. That's right. Just... fast.]
Favorites, favorites, favorites. I could talk about favorite things, people, activities, foods, discussion topics, places... you name it... for hours.
It's just neat that as today has run its course, I've come to realize that this day of 24 prayers is going to become one of my favorite things to do. Lovely.
' "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." '
[Matthew 6:5-6]
I am a hypocrite.
God talks to me and helps me when I talk to Him, holding nothing back but technically not asking for anything specific, as He does when I do just that. He guides me through my own thoughts as I pray and I can feel my heart swell and beat with the Holy Spirit.
That's probably my favorite feeling in the world.
Followed up by the feeling of adrenaline racing through my veins - especially when going fast. That's right. Just... fast.]
Favorites, favorites, favorites. I could talk about favorite things, people, activities, foods, discussion topics, places... you name it... for hours.
It's just neat that as today has run its course, I've come to realize that this day of 24 prayers is going to become one of my favorite things to do. Lovely.
' "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." '
[Matthew 6:5-6]
I am a hypocrite.
February 21, 2008
Ch. 37 - Touched
I've lost count of how many times God has touched my heart these past few months. I say only these past few months because never before them had I felt anything... from Him. As much as I don't like to admit it now, God simply was not in my life until the midpoint of last term. Why exactly then everything changed, I don't know. I don't care. Things started to happen, I started to become a different person. God was now a part of my life. And I couldn't be happier about it. Sure, I was raised in a Christian home with God-loving parents. I went to service. I taught Sunday school. I went on mission trips. I sang in the choir - well, when I felt like it, at least - and rang in the handbell choir (which I miss more than you can imagine). Wasn't very much interested in youth group at times, but still made appearances every now and then. My church in Iowa has a very large congregation. But I was known. I was liked. Loved. And I loved right back.
The only problem was, I was only following the second greatest commandment - not the first.
That's changed now. Praise God, that's changed.
'Jesus replied:" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment." '
[Matthew 22:37]
The only problem was, I was only following the second greatest commandment - not the first.
That's changed now. Praise God, that's changed.
'Jesus replied:" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment." '
[Matthew 22:37]
Ch. 36 - What I Found Out
I almost didn't go to the Figge's last night. I didn't know who was going to be there other than Darcy, Matt and Spencer. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know what I was going to be asked - because with David Figge, there are always questions. Always. This is not a bad thing, it's just that sometimes they're so difficult, I don't even know what to think. So I don't. Or sometimes I have no views or opinions on anything, so I remain silent. Or sometimes I do, but either a) somebody else says exactly what I want to say or what I'm thinking, or b) the conversation is dominated and I don't feel like I am able to get a word in - or that my word is 'worthy' enough of the conversation.
But I went.
There were more people there than I had hoped there would be, but that was perfectly fine.
Dinner was wonderful (Gretchen truly is a very good cook, just like she said). Then came the first question.
What is your biggest fear?
The first thing that came to mind was feeling the loss of God (then getting hit by a car in a crosswalk, because I'm ridiculous). So we start going around, stating our answers, and who else but Mr. Spencer Young, sitting right next to me, said that he was most afraid of feeling the loss of God. Great. Thanks, Spence. That was alright, though. That wouldn't have been my answer a few months ago. I don't know what I would have said - probably something like, "My biggest fear is being lonely for the rest of my life." You know, something cliché and often said.
Next came a question I should have expected - or at least could have thought about and then expected.
What is your passion? ... And it couldn't have anything to do with faith, God, Christianity, etc.
Honestly, I have never, ever thought about what my passion is. I thought it was going to be difficult to answer the question, but I realized that once I just focused and really thought about it, my answers came to mind very quickly - before David asked Jackie to give her example, even. When it was my turn, I said the first three things that had come to my mind:
Art history.
Writing.
Helping people.
I used to love art. Love art. I loved to look at it, contemplate it, create it. I could always be found drawing something or at the very least doodling on my homework, and I really enjoyed painting. Then one day I just lost interest. Sometimes though I'll spend a whole day just sketching and drawing, listening to music... maybe once every couple of months or so. My junior year in high school I took humanities with Mr. Kern. He was the toughest teacher I had during those four years, but I learned so much. Not just how to write proper MLA papers, or analyze literature, or recognize the differences between baroque and romantic styles of music. He taught me how to be passionate about something. He helped me... and all of his students... learn how to live and love life. So over the course of the year he taught me to not just love art, but appreciate it. You would think that by loving art you would automatically appreciate it, or at least appreciate it before you love it... but that wasn't the case with me. I love researching paintings, photographs, sculptures, and learning what went into those works of art. What was the artist like? How did they develop their style? What was their inspiration for it all? The sad thing is, this truly is a passion of mine - but you wouldn't guess it by talking to me or observing my lifestyle. I don't act upon it. I don't help the passion grow. It's more like a secret passion, I guess. For my enjoyment when I feel that spark and take time to follow it.
I've always enjoyed writing. Writing is, quite possibly, the one thing I pride myself on. This 'blog' writing is really nothing special. Everything I write is just raw thought. I save my writing, my real writing, you could call it, for myself. Sometimes I'll write a story and give it to someone because the main character is based off of them, or I'll share a poem with someone who I know will appreciate, relate to, or understand it. But for the most part I write simply to write. I have my spiritual journal, my stories and poems journal, this, and my everything else journal. I kept a prayer journal for a while, maybe two months starting last October. Soon I realized I didn't need to. Everyone and everything I prayed for - requests, hopes, unsaid requests (that's a chapter in itself for another day) - it was all in my heart and mind. I make those lists in my mind and I go through them daily. I add to them. I edit them (based on answers to prayer and such). Prayer is so huge for me, that I don't need a list on a page to remind me to pray, and for who or what. Could it possibly be a part of intercession?
Wow, what a tangent!
Going to my third passion, helping people. I can't describe what I feel about helping others. When I do something for someone else, I simply feel happy. Sometimes there is just nothing better than knowing you've helped someone, made a difference in their lives, made a positive impact on them. It's wonderful. I often have this longing... this deep, aching in my heart, to just go out and help people. Go out and do what, exactly, I don't know. But to just put myself out there, ready to help - ready to serve. And all for the glory of God. Help people. That's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to travel and reach out. I want to stay where I am and reach out. I want to grow by helping others grow. I want to take care of people. I want to feed them. Give them clothes. Provide shelter. I want to do it all. I know I may not be able to, but why not aim high? I can't wait to see where God puts me and what He does through me.
I don't think I had truly thought about any of that until last night. It's funny how much you can learn about yourself in such a short amount of time.
What I enjoyed most about last night, however, was the fact that God spoke to me through both Gretchen and David. I had the most wonderful talk with Gretchen - for a good two hours or so - while the rest of the group was engaged in their own conversation and discussion. I really needed that. It seems nowadays I don't carry conversations with people as much as I used to. I feel kind of distant from... everything. Everyone. I need to reconnect. Anyway, David brought up good points of taking risks while living as Christians - sort of living on the edge, but not in sin - as well as running to God. Both of these things have been on my mind a lot recently, so it was great to hear what he had to say.
I learned a lot last night. I had a lovely time with lovely people. And I got to eat food that wasn't made in the HC. Beautiful.
'But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.'
[1 John 1:7]
But I went.
There were more people there than I had hoped there would be, but that was perfectly fine.
Dinner was wonderful (Gretchen truly is a very good cook, just like she said). Then came the first question.
What is your biggest fear?
The first thing that came to mind was feeling the loss of God (then getting hit by a car in a crosswalk, because I'm ridiculous). So we start going around, stating our answers, and who else but Mr. Spencer Young, sitting right next to me, said that he was most afraid of feeling the loss of God. Great. Thanks, Spence. That was alright, though. That wouldn't have been my answer a few months ago. I don't know what I would have said - probably something like, "My biggest fear is being lonely for the rest of my life." You know, something cliché and often said.
Next came a question I should have expected - or at least could have thought about and then expected.
What is your passion? ... And it couldn't have anything to do with faith, God, Christianity, etc.
Honestly, I have never, ever thought about what my passion is. I thought it was going to be difficult to answer the question, but I realized that once I just focused and really thought about it, my answers came to mind very quickly - before David asked Jackie to give her example, even. When it was my turn, I said the first three things that had come to my mind:
Art history.
Writing.
Helping people.
I used to love art. Love art. I loved to look at it, contemplate it, create it. I could always be found drawing something or at the very least doodling on my homework, and I really enjoyed painting. Then one day I just lost interest. Sometimes though I'll spend a whole day just sketching and drawing, listening to music... maybe once every couple of months or so. My junior year in high school I took humanities with Mr. Kern. He was the toughest teacher I had during those four years, but I learned so much. Not just how to write proper MLA papers, or analyze literature, or recognize the differences between baroque and romantic styles of music. He taught me how to be passionate about something. He helped me... and all of his students... learn how to live and love life. So over the course of the year he taught me to not just love art, but appreciate it. You would think that by loving art you would automatically appreciate it, or at least appreciate it before you love it... but that wasn't the case with me. I love researching paintings, photographs, sculptures, and learning what went into those works of art. What was the artist like? How did they develop their style? What was their inspiration for it all? The sad thing is, this truly is a passion of mine - but you wouldn't guess it by talking to me or observing my lifestyle. I don't act upon it. I don't help the passion grow. It's more like a secret passion, I guess. For my enjoyment when I feel that spark and take time to follow it.
I've always enjoyed writing. Writing is, quite possibly, the one thing I pride myself on. This 'blog' writing is really nothing special. Everything I write is just raw thought. I save my writing, my real writing, you could call it, for myself. Sometimes I'll write a story and give it to someone because the main character is based off of them, or I'll share a poem with someone who I know will appreciate, relate to, or understand it. But for the most part I write simply to write. I have my spiritual journal, my stories and poems journal, this, and my everything else journal. I kept a prayer journal for a while, maybe two months starting last October. Soon I realized I didn't need to. Everyone and everything I prayed for - requests, hopes, unsaid requests (that's a chapter in itself for another day) - it was all in my heart and mind. I make those lists in my mind and I go through them daily. I add to them. I edit them (based on answers to prayer and such). Prayer is so huge for me, that I don't need a list on a page to remind me to pray, and for who or what. Could it possibly be a part of intercession?
Wow, what a tangent!
Going to my third passion, helping people. I can't describe what I feel about helping others. When I do something for someone else, I simply feel happy. Sometimes there is just nothing better than knowing you've helped someone, made a difference in their lives, made a positive impact on them. It's wonderful. I often have this longing... this deep, aching in my heart, to just go out and help people. Go out and do what, exactly, I don't know. But to just put myself out there, ready to help - ready to serve. And all for the glory of God. Help people. That's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to travel and reach out. I want to stay where I am and reach out. I want to grow by helping others grow. I want to take care of people. I want to feed them. Give them clothes. Provide shelter. I want to do it all. I know I may not be able to, but why not aim high? I can't wait to see where God puts me and what He does through me.
I don't think I had truly thought about any of that until last night. It's funny how much you can learn about yourself in such a short amount of time.
What I enjoyed most about last night, however, was the fact that God spoke to me through both Gretchen and David. I had the most wonderful talk with Gretchen - for a good two hours or so - while the rest of the group was engaged in their own conversation and discussion. I really needed that. It seems nowadays I don't carry conversations with people as much as I used to. I feel kind of distant from... everything. Everyone. I need to reconnect. Anyway, David brought up good points of taking risks while living as Christians - sort of living on the edge, but not in sin - as well as running to God. Both of these things have been on my mind a lot recently, so it was great to hear what he had to say.
I learned a lot last night. I had a lovely time with lovely people. And I got to eat food that wasn't made in the HC. Beautiful.
'But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.'
[1 John 1:7]
February 20, 2008
Ch. 35 - Joyful
Last night was beautiful. I was just so... happy.
God's presence was overwhelming.
I don't think I've ever laughed or smiled so much in such a seemingly short amount of time (about two hours).
I don't know.
There was just something last night... it was very special.
That Ute-Nited was for me.
Thanks, God.
'Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them." '
[Psalm 126:2]
God's presence was overwhelming.
I don't think I've ever laughed or smiled so much in such a seemingly short amount of time (about two hours).
I don't know.
There was just something last night... it was very special.
That Ute-Nited was for me.
Thanks, God.
'Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them." '
[Psalm 126:2]
February 19, 2008
Ch. 34 - Hide and Seek
I did a bit of reminiscing of my childhood [in Alabama] today. I remembered my best friend, Anna, who lived next door, moved to Texas, and then came back a couple years later - much to my joy. I thought about my other next door neighbor, Tamara, and how we would sneak up into her grandparent's fruit garden in their backyard and pick plums to snack on... and then find the occasional napping 'possum family. I remembered practicing tumbling and dance routines in our backyard. In my mind I revisited the enormous wooden playground (Kid's Kingdom) on my bike, then went back down to our street, passing our house and going straight to the cul-de-sac. I stopped at a house to look at the wooly, black caterpillars that, for some reason I still have not figured out, always seemed to accumulate on that particular house's driveway in droves.
You know what I thought about most, though?
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek has always, always, always been my favorite game. And when I say game, I mean it's my favorite of all games: outdoor games, group games, games, board games - you name it - nothing compares to hide and seek in my book. I will never tire of playing it. I played the game so many times as a child that looking back, it was probably ridiculous... and I will continue to play it for so many years in the future that it will be ridiculous at those points in time. I simply love it. I also enjoy Sardines, the 'backwards' version of it. You know, where one person hides and as people look for that person and find them they stay in that spot. Genius.
As I thought about this game and how it brings such great happiness to me - probably more happiness than it should, actually - I started thinking... lately, I've been playing a constant game of hide and seek. It's a really twisted version, though, even more so than Sardines. This is how you play:
First of all, it's a two-player game. Second, there aren't really any rules. You hide. Then, when you get bored or want something new and exciting, or perhaps you get scared, you go look for the player who is actually supposed to be looking for you. You find them, everything is good, and then it's the other player's turn to hide, right? Wrong. You're selfish. You want another turn to hide. Maybe you're too lazy to try and find them - it's easier to hide. Or perhaps you simply want to play a different version so you start all over and have to show them how things are done - and this time there are rules, your rules.
What happens when the other player is God?
That's how I feel, as if I'm playing Hide and seek with Him. I feel so distant - but it's my own fault. I'm hiding. I know God will pursue me, but that doesn't mean I can't make the effort to reciprocate, assuming He'll find me. The thing is, though, you really can't hide from God. I mean, it is God we're talking about, after all. When I do decide to make the effort to find Him - even though He was never hiding - I come out of my own hiding spot and return to Him. And that's great - but I should never have been hiding in the first place, neither consciously nor subconsciously. Because I admit that sometimes I do, indeed, put God out of my mind knowing right well what I'm doing.
I'm just thankful that I have a God who loves me no matter what and will take me back into His loving arms at no cost.
The only verses that come to me tonight are these - they may or may not work with what I'm saying, but the first has the word hidden! So it goes with the theme of hide and seek, and that's good enough for me.
'... "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will be made known." ' ... ' "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." '
[Matthew 10:26,30]
You know what I thought about most, though?
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek has always, always, always been my favorite game. And when I say game, I mean it's my favorite of all games: outdoor games, group games, games, board games - you name it - nothing compares to hide and seek in my book. I will never tire of playing it. I played the game so many times as a child that looking back, it was probably ridiculous... and I will continue to play it for so many years in the future that it will be ridiculous at those points in time. I simply love it. I also enjoy Sardines, the 'backwards' version of it. You know, where one person hides and as people look for that person and find them they stay in that spot. Genius.
As I thought about this game and how it brings such great happiness to me - probably more happiness than it should, actually - I started thinking... lately, I've been playing a constant game of hide and seek. It's a really twisted version, though, even more so than Sardines. This is how you play:
First of all, it's a two-player game. Second, there aren't really any rules. You hide. Then, when you get bored or want something new and exciting, or perhaps you get scared, you go look for the player who is actually supposed to be looking for you. You find them, everything is good, and then it's the other player's turn to hide, right? Wrong. You're selfish. You want another turn to hide. Maybe you're too lazy to try and find them - it's easier to hide. Or perhaps you simply want to play a different version so you start all over and have to show them how things are done - and this time there are rules, your rules.
What happens when the other player is God?
That's how I feel, as if I'm playing Hide and seek with Him. I feel so distant - but it's my own fault. I'm hiding. I know God will pursue me, but that doesn't mean I can't make the effort to reciprocate, assuming He'll find me. The thing is, though, you really can't hide from God. I mean, it is God we're talking about, after all. When I do decide to make the effort to find Him - even though He was never hiding - I come out of my own hiding spot and return to Him. And that's great - but I should never have been hiding in the first place, neither consciously nor subconsciously. Because I admit that sometimes I do, indeed, put God out of my mind knowing right well what I'm doing.
I'm just thankful that I have a God who loves me no matter what and will take me back into His loving arms at no cost.
The only verses that come to me tonight are these - they may or may not work with what I'm saying, but the first has the word hidden! So it goes with the theme of hide and seek, and that's good enough for me.
'... "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will be made known." ' ... ' "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." '
[Matthew 10:26,30]
February 18, 2008
Ch. 33 - Silence Revisited
The second spiritual discipline Phil spoke about at The Mount today was silence. Now, in Ch. Nine I wrote about how I really enjoy the silence... God is in the silence... it's my 'favorite sound' and truly beautiful... but yesterday I learned how silence can be used in our spiritual journey and bring us closer to God, which makes silence all the more glorious.
People talk. They simply talk, and talk and talk. There are those who talk to simply hear themselves. There are those who talk because they are disinterested in what others have to say. There are those who talk because they are nervous and can't help it. There are those who talk because they are lonely. And then there are those who talk to take control - of people, conversation and what have you.
It seems as if those who take the time to listen and be quiet, be still, are a rare breed nowadays. I like to think I'm one of them. Sure, I enjoy conversing with people and will be the first to admit that there are times when I will dominate the conversation if given a chance - more so recently because sometimes I feel I have always taken the time to listen... and those whom I listen to haven't always reciprocated and lent me an ear or two. But honestly, I love to listen to people.
One of my favorite quotes is about listening. It's quite long, but very lovely.
"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life. When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other… and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom. Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way."
- Brenda Ueland
That is why I love talking to God more than anyone else. I know that He doesn't merely hear me, but that He listens to what I have to say.
And He gives back.
Taking the time to be still, be silent, in God's presence is incredibly beneficial. God will speak to you. He will answer prayers. He will guide you. He will inspire you. He will comfort you. He will prepare you for tribulations, joys, praise, service, prayer, worship - if you let Him.
I'll let you in on a little secret: I had decided to take on solitude and loneliness for Lent, but changed it to taking on silence instead. I'm always surrounded by... not... silence. I didn't want to say noise, because it's more than noise. Distractions, people... they all fit under the umbrella of noise, I suppose. Before and after a couple times of prayer throughout the day I simply sit, lie, stand, whatever, in silence. It's a wonderful time. I always feel so at peace and rejuvenated after.
Phil shared this verse with us:
'For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.]
[Psalm 62:5-8, NRSV]
'Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter something before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.'
[Ecclesiastes 5:2]
People talk. They simply talk, and talk and talk. There are those who talk to simply hear themselves. There are those who talk because they are disinterested in what others have to say. There are those who talk because they are nervous and can't help it. There are those who talk because they are lonely. And then there are those who talk to take control - of people, conversation and what have you.
It seems as if those who take the time to listen and be quiet, be still, are a rare breed nowadays. I like to think I'm one of them. Sure, I enjoy conversing with people and will be the first to admit that there are times when I will dominate the conversation if given a chance - more so recently because sometimes I feel I have always taken the time to listen... and those whom I listen to haven't always reciprocated and lent me an ear or two. But honestly, I love to listen to people.
One of my favorite quotes is about listening. It's quite long, but very lovely.
"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life. When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other… and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom. Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way."
- Brenda Ueland
That is why I love talking to God more than anyone else. I know that He doesn't merely hear me, but that He listens to what I have to say.
And He gives back.
Taking the time to be still, be silent, in God's presence is incredibly beneficial. God will speak to you. He will answer prayers. He will guide you. He will inspire you. He will comfort you. He will prepare you for tribulations, joys, praise, service, prayer, worship - if you let Him.
I'll let you in on a little secret: I had decided to take on solitude and loneliness for Lent, but changed it to taking on silence instead. I'm always surrounded by... not... silence. I didn't want to say noise, because it's more than noise. Distractions, people... they all fit under the umbrella of noise, I suppose. Before and after a couple times of prayer throughout the day I simply sit, lie, stand, whatever, in silence. It's a wonderful time. I always feel so at peace and rejuvenated after.
Phil shared this verse with us:
'For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.]
[Psalm 62:5-8, NRSV]
'Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter something before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.'
[Ecclesiastes 5:2]
February 17, 2008
Ch. 32 - Peace
Yesterday I made my final decision in regards to where I'll be next year.
I'm staying.
I know that's the second time I've said that (see Chapters 14 and 15...), but I truly mean it this time.
I had been praying about it for what seemed like years. I decided to make one last list of pros and cons for each school and such. I had done so in my head, but hadn't actually written them out. That helped. I prayed about it some more and I really think God wants me here for now. I sat down, thought about it a bit more, and simply said, "Yep. I'm staying here." Interestingly enough, I checked my e-mail a bit after that and found that I had been accepted to Central [Christian College of the Bible], which is where I had decided I would go if I were to transfer - upon acceptance, of course. You know, I can always get my master's in Biblical, religious, etc. studies or pursue a master's in Divinity. We'll see.
I really think this is the best thing to do. I will receive a very well-rounded education, mature a bit more, let my roots grow where I've planted them. There will come a time when I can start another adventure. But for now I want to continue to explore the unknown of this adventure I basically just started.
Peace is what I feel... finally. The whole ordeal was truly pressing and a weight on my shoulders. It was starting to consume me, in a sense. I would think about only that. I prayed about only that. I wasn't sleeping well - or at all, some nights - due to excess, racing thoughts and that ever-present feeling of worry. Worried about what, exactly, I don't even know. What I was potentially getting myself into? Leaving everyone and everything I've come to love and cherish? The list could go on, I suppose.
But that weight has been lifted and I'm worry-free.
'A heart at peace gives life to the body...'
[Proverbs 14:30]
I'm staying.
I know that's the second time I've said that (see Chapters 14 and 15...), but I truly mean it this time.
I had been praying about it for what seemed like years. I decided to make one last list of pros and cons for each school and such. I had done so in my head, but hadn't actually written them out. That helped. I prayed about it some more and I really think God wants me here for now. I sat down, thought about it a bit more, and simply said, "Yep. I'm staying here." Interestingly enough, I checked my e-mail a bit after that and found that I had been accepted to Central [Christian College of the Bible], which is where I had decided I would go if I were to transfer - upon acceptance, of course. You know, I can always get my master's in Biblical, religious, etc. studies or pursue a master's in Divinity. We'll see.
I really think this is the best thing to do. I will receive a very well-rounded education, mature a bit more, let my roots grow where I've planted them. There will come a time when I can start another adventure. But for now I want to continue to explore the unknown of this adventure I basically just started.
Peace is what I feel... finally. The whole ordeal was truly pressing and a weight on my shoulders. It was starting to consume me, in a sense. I would think about only that. I prayed about only that. I wasn't sleeping well - or at all, some nights - due to excess, racing thoughts and that ever-present feeling of worry. Worried about what, exactly, I don't even know. What I was potentially getting myself into? Leaving everyone and everything I've come to love and cherish? The list could go on, I suppose.
But that weight has been lifted and I'm worry-free.
'A heart at peace gives life to the body...'
[Proverbs 14:30]
February 15, 2008
Ch. 31 - 'Go and Tell'
Send me.
I'll go.
I don't know what to say. As much as I do want to just... go... I don't think I'm ready. But I want to. And that has to count for something.
Soon.
'Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
I'll go.
I don't know what to say. As much as I do want to just... go... I don't think I'm ready. But I want to. And that has to count for something.
Soon.
'Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" '
[Isaiah 6:8]
February 14, 2008
Ch. 30 - Cannn't
Looking at my post of Ch. 28, you will find a phrase in each that I really don't like using often. Yet there it is. To me, it sticks out like a sore thumb. I wanted so badly to go and edit the posts so they wouldn't contain those words... those two, little, ponderous words... but I didn't.
I can't.
I'm not going to go into a big spiel on why you shouldn't say 'I can't,' I'm not some fourth grade teacher who has the authority, if you will, to do so. I'm not a mother. Or a father, for that matter. You 'can' do, say whatever you want. It's just that after years of people telling me, "You should never say you can't do something. You can! Think positively! Blah, blah, blah - yadda, yadda, yadda," it's basically second nature to think twice about saying 'I can't.'
There are some things I simply feel that I cannot do. Although I suppose they could be translated to things I simply feel that I should not do.
Ch. Twenty-Eight:
'As much as I want to take the lead again and do things my way, I can't.'
'As much as I want to take the lead again and do things my way, I shouldn't.'
For the context of the example, it works, trust me. That doesn't mean I should always substitute 'I can't' with 'I shouldn't,' of course. Because it's not always going to work, no. And because I shouldn't fall into the habit of doing so and thinking that it's ok because I'm not really saying 'I can't.'
I don't know where I'm going with this today.
I know God is working in my life.
I just can't see how right now.
I need to open my eyes a bit.
I'm closing up again.
I don't want to, though.
Pray.
'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." '
[Matthew 19:26]
Rocking the Matthew lately.
I can't.
I'm not going to go into a big spiel on why you shouldn't say 'I can't,' I'm not some fourth grade teacher who has the authority, if you will, to do so. I'm not a mother. Or a father, for that matter. You 'can' do, say whatever you want. It's just that after years of people telling me, "You should never say you can't do something. You can! Think positively! Blah, blah, blah - yadda, yadda, yadda," it's basically second nature to think twice about saying 'I can't.'
There are some things I simply feel that I cannot do. Although I suppose they could be translated to things I simply feel that I should not do.
Ch. Twenty-Eight:
'As much as I want to take the lead again and do things my way, I can't.'
'As much as I want to take the lead again and do things my way, I shouldn't.'
For the context of the example, it works, trust me. That doesn't mean I should always substitute 'I can't' with 'I shouldn't,' of course. Because it's not always going to work, no. And because I shouldn't fall into the habit of doing so and thinking that it's ok because I'm not really saying 'I can't.'
I don't know where I'm going with this today.
I know God is working in my life.
I just can't see how right now.
I need to open my eyes a bit.
I'm closing up again.
I don't want to, though.
Pray.
'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." '
[Matthew 19:26]
Rocking the Matthew lately.
Ch. 29 - All You Need
' "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." '
[John 13:34-35]
3. May 2010 Edit:
Jesus loved us so greatly.
The Man gave up His life for us.
Willingly.
So when He tells us to love one another as He loved us, that may seem like a command that we cannot fully obey. But are there people you would be willing to die for? No questions asked, no strings attached for that person... you simply love them for who they are, and desire the absolute best for them. You are honestly and wholeheartedly willing to do anything for them.
Encourage.
Teach.
Listen.
Lead and guide.
Comfort.
Serve.
Indeed, die.
[John 13:34-35]
3. May 2010 Edit:
Jesus loved us so greatly.
The Man gave up His life for us.
Willingly.
So when He tells us to love one another as He loved us, that may seem like a command that we cannot fully obey. But are there people you would be willing to die for? No questions asked, no strings attached for that person... you simply love them for who they are, and desire the absolute best for them. You are honestly and wholeheartedly willing to do anything for them.
Encourage.
Teach.
Listen.
Lead and guide.
Comfort.
Serve.
Indeed, die.
February 13, 2008
Ch. 28 - Following Him
As much as I want to take the lead again and do things my way, I can't. I won't. I finally realized a while ago that I have to follow God. And I want to follow God. Sometimes, though, I find myself pulling at the bit some, trying to hint that I want to go one way - but I usually find myself corrected and continue walking on the path I'm already on. The path God has chosen and put before me.
It's a lovely path, really, and I enjoy walking it. It's I've met wonderful people alongside the path, had some adventures (some while straying off the path, I must admit - you know, while taking those 'shortcuts'), seen a lot of God's beauty, and drawn closer to God each step of the way. What more could I ask for?
Following God makes life easy. It makes things simple. And trust me when I say I like my life simple. I also like the simple things in life. And it seems to me that now that I'm following God all the more, I see more of those simple things and am able to revel in the beauty of them all.
Perfect.
'When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." '
[John 8:12]
It's a lovely path, really, and I enjoy walking it. It's I've met wonderful people alongside the path, had some adventures (some while straying off the path, I must admit - you know, while taking those 'shortcuts'), seen a lot of God's beauty, and drawn closer to God each step of the way. What more could I ask for?
Following God makes life easy. It makes things simple. And trust me when I say I like my life simple. I also like the simple things in life. And it seems to me that now that I'm following God all the more, I see more of those simple things and am able to revel in the beauty of them all.
Perfect.
'When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." '
[John 8:12]
February 11, 2008
Ch. 27 - Always Learning
Pastor Phil started a new sermon series this weekend; it's on spiritual disciplines. Yesterday's discipline happened to be prayer.
I pray a lot.
But do I know a lot about prayer?
I'd like to think so, but it's not true. You may ask, "But what's there to know about prayer?" Perhaps you think prayer is simply closing your eyes, bowing your head, starting with 'Dear God,' saying a bunch of stuff that you may or may not mean - or, better yet, what you think God wants to hear - and ending with an 'Amen.' Nothin' to it.
I suppose to some people that is what prayer is all about. My heart breaks for them, because they are truly missing out on a beautiful experience.
Phil used a C.S. Lewis quote that I really liked, it says this:
"The moment you wake up each morning all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving it all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in."
Take a step back at some point in your day, give time to God, and pray. Talk to Him. Let Him know what's going on in your life. Share with Him your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your anger - everything. He wants to be a part of your life so bad. Make sure, however, that you also take the time to listen to Him. You'll know when He speaks to You, trust me.
'... louder than your conscience, but softer than your thoughts.' I heard this from a friend once - he had read it in a book, I think. It describes hearing God perfectly. Truly beautiful.
Phil brought up an interesting point yesterday. He said that prayer is to be learned. I agree. He gave the example of Jesus saying to His disciples, 'Pray like this:' and how He shared with them the Lord's Prayer. We grow and mature in our prayers as time passes, I think. We become comfortable in lifting our prayers to God, speaking to Him. We realize that prayer is not constricted. Don't be afraid to branch out a bit.
I'm excited to continue learning about prayer over the course of my life. After all, God's a magnificent teacher.
'...pray continually...'
[1 Thessalonians 5:17]
I pray a lot.
But do I know a lot about prayer?
I'd like to think so, but it's not true. You may ask, "But what's there to know about prayer?" Perhaps you think prayer is simply closing your eyes, bowing your head, starting with 'Dear God,' saying a bunch of stuff that you may or may not mean - or, better yet, what you think God wants to hear - and ending with an 'Amen.' Nothin' to it.
I suppose to some people that is what prayer is all about. My heart breaks for them, because they are truly missing out on a beautiful experience.
Phil used a C.S. Lewis quote that I really liked, it says this:
"The moment you wake up each morning all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving it all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in."
Take a step back at some point in your day, give time to God, and pray. Talk to Him. Let Him know what's going on in your life. Share with Him your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your anger - everything. He wants to be a part of your life so bad. Make sure, however, that you also take the time to listen to Him. You'll know when He speaks to You, trust me.
'... louder than your conscience, but softer than your thoughts.' I heard this from a friend once - he had read it in a book, I think. It describes hearing God perfectly. Truly beautiful.
Phil brought up an interesting point yesterday. He said that prayer is to be learned. I agree. He gave the example of Jesus saying to His disciples, 'Pray like this:' and how He shared with them the Lord's Prayer. We grow and mature in our prayers as time passes, I think. We become comfortable in lifting our prayers to God, speaking to Him. We realize that prayer is not constricted. Don't be afraid to branch out a bit.
I'm excited to continue learning about prayer over the course of my life. After all, God's a magnificent teacher.
'...pray continually...'
[1 Thessalonians 5:17]
Ch. 26 - How Could I?
Yesterday I was talking with a couple friends while hanging out and small talk about this upcoming summer occurred - you know, if we were going to stay, what we would be doing, where we would be staying, etc. I, of course, brought up the fact that if I was accepted to summer project I wouldn't be here most of the summer; but if I wasn't accepted I'd be here [unless I decide to transfer, after all]. My goodness, that's all I talk about these days - summer project and transferring.
Anyway, a friend asked if the summer project is what I had told her about earlier, and I said yes. She said, "You really want to go, don't you?" I replied, "More than anything." She just said, "Yeah," and I then continued, "I feel such a desire in my heart to go - but also that it's what God wants me to do... honestly, I'm afraid that if I'm not accepted that I'll lose a lot of faith in God."
Immediately after I said that I thought to myself, 'Did I really just say that?'
I felt horrid. I still do. It was just one of those things that I didn't think about at all - it simply spilled out. I usually think about what I'm going to say before I say it - but this has happened a few times before, where I don't realize what I've said until after I've said it... but when reflecting upon it I realize I truly meant it.
Do I truly mean it this time? Do I believe that I'd lose faith in God just because of a summer project rejection?
It means so much to me. And I'm putting my trust in God that this is what He wants me doing [this summer]. I could be doing anything else. I could go on a roadtrip like I've been wanting to. I could go to Cornerstone and Sonshine. I could wait around in Iowa for a few weeks to simply wait for my sister to have her baby. I could sit at home all summer, working on nothing but my tan... or, of course, working at The Arc's Summer Day Program again (which I do admit I will miss dearly). I could assure my grandparents that I'd be at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. But I asked for Him to show me a way to serve Him, and He led me to summer project through speakers at Cru, one of my small groups' leaders, and beautiful stories of witnessing from last summer's projects. I want it. And I want to believe that He wants it for me...
......
My God, why am I doubting you?
Am I making this out to be a much bigger deal than it truly is?
A drama queen, always.
I have, after all, been thinking about how much I miss the stage.
But I don't know what's wrong with me.
This isn't right.
Something is simply... off.
Hear me, Father.
I need You.
I come to you on my knees, a willing servant.
Guide me in my decisions, in all I say and do.
My heart longs to give you glory and praise.
It's all for You, God.
Help me put others before myself.
Let me be last.
I love You, God, and thank You for all You've blessed me with.
Let me live today in Your name, using this day to worship You.
I pray these things in Your Son's most precious and holy name.
Amen.
'And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.'
[Colossians 1:10-12]
Anyway, a friend asked if the summer project is what I had told her about earlier, and I said yes. She said, "You really want to go, don't you?" I replied, "More than anything." She just said, "Yeah," and I then continued, "I feel such a desire in my heart to go - but also that it's what God wants me to do... honestly, I'm afraid that if I'm not accepted that I'll lose a lot of faith in God."
Immediately after I said that I thought to myself, 'Did I really just say that?'
I felt horrid. I still do. It was just one of those things that I didn't think about at all - it simply spilled out. I usually think about what I'm going to say before I say it - but this has happened a few times before, where I don't realize what I've said until after I've said it... but when reflecting upon it I realize I truly meant it.
Do I truly mean it this time? Do I believe that I'd lose faith in God just because of a summer project rejection?
It means so much to me. And I'm putting my trust in God that this is what He wants me doing [this summer]. I could be doing anything else. I could go on a roadtrip like I've been wanting to. I could go to Cornerstone and Sonshine. I could wait around in Iowa for a few weeks to simply wait for my sister to have her baby. I could sit at home all summer, working on nothing but my tan... or, of course, working at The Arc's Summer Day Program again (which I do admit I will miss dearly). I could assure my grandparents that I'd be at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. But I asked for Him to show me a way to serve Him, and He led me to summer project through speakers at Cru, one of my small groups' leaders, and beautiful stories of witnessing from last summer's projects. I want it. And I want to believe that He wants it for me...
......
My God, why am I doubting you?
Am I making this out to be a much bigger deal than it truly is?
A drama queen, always.
I have, after all, been thinking about how much I miss the stage.
But I don't know what's wrong with me.
This isn't right.
Something is simply... off.
Hear me, Father.
I need You.
I come to you on my knees, a willing servant.
Guide me in my decisions, in all I say and do.
My heart longs to give you glory and praise.
It's all for You, God.
Help me put others before myself.
Let me be last.
I love You, God, and thank You for all You've blessed me with.
Let me live today in Your name, using this day to worship You.
I pray these things in Your Son's most precious and holy name.
Amen.
'And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.'
[Colossians 1:10-12]
February 10, 2008
Ch. 25 - How Old Am I?
Elisha Is Jeered
'From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel. and from there returned to Samaria.'
[2 Kings 2:23-25]
It never gets old.
'From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel. and from there returned to Samaria.'
[2 Kings 2:23-25]
It never gets old.
February 9, 2008
Ch. 24 - God is Good
I was certainly right in believing that yesterday would be a good day - it was. Very much so, in fact. It even lasted into Saturday by quite a few hours. I loved it. My day wasn't entirely God-filled, but more so than it's been the last few days... so that was great.
I hung out with Mr. Zachariah Pecchia-Bekkum, that kicked it all off. We went on a lovely walk. It was nice getting to know him a bit more; he's just so quiet that I feel it's been difficult to do so! I figure I just need to work at developing a friendship with him a little harder than with other people, which is really perfectly fine with me. He's a good guy. I was really glad I decided to randomly contact him today, because when we got back to his apartment Matt was about to leave to go to the mosque - which Katie and I had talked about earlier that day and wanted to go to, but wouldn't have had a way to get there! I love how things work out like that. So Katie, Matt, Tiffany and I all went; we were the only students from the U that were there, even though an invitation had been sent out to all the members of Salt Co. (which I don't even go to, actually, but receive the e-mail newsletters for). That was a wonderful time. Even before deciding to major in Middle Eastern Studies I had always been interested in Islam and the culture of the Middle East. The people that attend that particular mosque are mostly Pakistani, I believe. We were able to observe one of their Friday prayer times - beautiful. I love their recitation of prayer. I really felt a presence there, honestly. God certainly filled my heart and I prayed on my own for awhile. There was then a question and answer time; the imam had a neat sense of humor and answered the questions really well, I learned a lot. Last there was a reading of a Qur'anic verse followed up with translation and explanation. I really enjoyed it all.
Later Katie, Zach (a different Zach than whom I had hung out with earlier), Anita and I went to hang out at Spencer's house. There were more people there than usual, which was cool, but the four of us actually ended up chatting most of the time. I felt bad, but it was still a really good time. I'm really glad that Anita came and that I am getting to know her better; she's a really awesome girl. And Zach is a very cool guy, really genuine, I feel. We left kind of early at my suggestion. Hopefully that was alright. We went over to Coffee Break for a bit, saved a guy's life by finding his iPod under my couch cushion, and found out that Anita and I have more in common than I thought we did. Three cheers for Speech/Debate. Then we went back to the dorms to watch a movie - American Beauty - and then stayed for yet another movie, Alfie. It was 6:00 in the morning by the time the second movie was finished. Awesome. Honestly though, I could hang out with those three all the time and never get tired of doing so. They're amazing.
Throughout the day I didn't pray as often as I usually do. Want to know a secret?
I didn't mind.
I mean, I didn't find myself thinking, "Oh man - I need to pray more," or "What's wrong with me? Pray, Natalie, pray!"
I don't know. It was like I needed a break from talking to God.
Don't get me wrong, I love doing so. But sometimes it's nice to take a breather, I suppose.
Yesterday and this morning were wonderful. I thank God for friendship and fellowship. What beautiful gifts.
'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love on another deeply, from the heart.'
[1 Peter 1:22]
I hung out with Mr. Zachariah Pecchia-Bekkum, that kicked it all off. We went on a lovely walk. It was nice getting to know him a bit more; he's just so quiet that I feel it's been difficult to do so! I figure I just need to work at developing a friendship with him a little harder than with other people, which is really perfectly fine with me. He's a good guy. I was really glad I decided to randomly contact him today, because when we got back to his apartment Matt was about to leave to go to the mosque - which Katie and I had talked about earlier that day and wanted to go to, but wouldn't have had a way to get there! I love how things work out like that. So Katie, Matt, Tiffany and I all went; we were the only students from the U that were there, even though an invitation had been sent out to all the members of Salt Co. (which I don't even go to, actually, but receive the e-mail newsletters for). That was a wonderful time. Even before deciding to major in Middle Eastern Studies I had always been interested in Islam and the culture of the Middle East. The people that attend that particular mosque are mostly Pakistani, I believe. We were able to observe one of their Friday prayer times - beautiful. I love their recitation of prayer. I really felt a presence there, honestly. God certainly filled my heart and I prayed on my own for awhile. There was then a question and answer time; the imam had a neat sense of humor and answered the questions really well, I learned a lot. Last there was a reading of a Qur'anic verse followed up with translation and explanation. I really enjoyed it all.
Later Katie, Zach (a different Zach than whom I had hung out with earlier), Anita and I went to hang out at Spencer's house. There were more people there than usual, which was cool, but the four of us actually ended up chatting most of the time. I felt bad, but it was still a really good time. I'm really glad that Anita came and that I am getting to know her better; she's a really awesome girl. And Zach is a very cool guy, really genuine, I feel. We left kind of early at my suggestion. Hopefully that was alright. We went over to Coffee Break for a bit, saved a guy's life by finding his iPod under my couch cushion, and found out that Anita and I have more in common than I thought we did. Three cheers for Speech/Debate. Then we went back to the dorms to watch a movie - American Beauty - and then stayed for yet another movie, Alfie. It was 6:00 in the morning by the time the second movie was finished. Awesome. Honestly though, I could hang out with those three all the time and never get tired of doing so. They're amazing.
Throughout the day I didn't pray as often as I usually do. Want to know a secret?
I didn't mind.
I mean, I didn't find myself thinking, "Oh man - I need to pray more," or "What's wrong with me? Pray, Natalie, pray!"
I don't know. It was like I needed a break from talking to God.
Don't get me wrong, I love doing so. But sometimes it's nice to take a breather, I suppose.
Yesterday and this morning were wonderful. I thank God for friendship and fellowship. What beautiful gifts.
'Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love on another deeply, from the heart.'
[1 Peter 1:22]
February 8, 2008
Ch. 23 - No Worries
Today is going to be a good day.
I can feel it.
That's all.
'You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.'
[Isaiah 55:12-13]
I can feel it.
That's all.
'You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.'
[Isaiah 55:12-13]
February 7, 2008
Ch. 22 - The Breaking Point
I give up.
I am so tired of trying to figure everything out. It is such a mystery to me and I'm tired of trying to solve it. I wish I had never come to Utah at this point. I had gone back to thinking about transferring yesterday - and maybe I will after all. Today pushed me pretty close to the edge. Two more steps and I'm gone.
What does it all mean?
Is it a spiritual connection that is supposed to bring us closer to God together? Are we meant to be more than friends? Should we really think about going into ministry together - or at least attending the same graduate school/seminary? I simply have no idea.
The last time this happened he said, "Don't dwell on it." I didn't listen. I didn't care. Now I'm really taking that to heart and trying my best not to, but it's easier said than done. I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about any of this not only to him, but also her anymore... that I'd just give it all to God. I don't want to bother them anymore. That's how I feel. Bothersome. But I've come to find that is one of the most difficult things to do for me. I want to be able to talk to someone about it all; I want to bounce ideas and thoughts off of them and get immediate response and advice. That's not always how it works with God. I pray about it a lot, but I'm tired of doing so. Not of praying, but praying about this situation and not getting anything. I simply don't know where to go with it or what to do.
I just pray that God will give me peace of mind and insight into... everything. Oh, how I wish He would simply reveal it all in layman's terms. That'd be wonderful.
Until then...
I do, indeed, give up.
'Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.'
[Psalm 86:6-7]
I am so tired of trying to figure everything out. It is such a mystery to me and I'm tired of trying to solve it. I wish I had never come to Utah at this point. I had gone back to thinking about transferring yesterday - and maybe I will after all. Today pushed me pretty close to the edge. Two more steps and I'm gone.
What does it all mean?
Is it a spiritual connection that is supposed to bring us closer to God together? Are we meant to be more than friends? Should we really think about going into ministry together - or at least attending the same graduate school/seminary? I simply have no idea.
The last time this happened he said, "Don't dwell on it." I didn't listen. I didn't care. Now I'm really taking that to heart and trying my best not to, but it's easier said than done. I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about any of this not only to him, but also her anymore... that I'd just give it all to God. I don't want to bother them anymore. That's how I feel. Bothersome. But I've come to find that is one of the most difficult things to do for me. I want to be able to talk to someone about it all; I want to bounce ideas and thoughts off of them and get immediate response and advice. That's not always how it works with God. I pray about it a lot, but I'm tired of doing so. Not of praying, but praying about this situation and not getting anything. I simply don't know where to go with it or what to do.
I just pray that God will give me peace of mind and insight into... everything. Oh, how I wish He would simply reveal it all in layman's terms. That'd be wonderful.
Until then...
I do, indeed, give up.
'Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.'
[Psalm 86:6-7]
February 6, 2008
Ch. 21 - "Obadiah says..."
Old Testament:
Genesis
Exodus
Leviticus
Numbers
Deuteronomy
Joshua
Judges
Ruth
1 Samuel
2 Samuel
1 Kings
2 Kings
1 Chronicles
2 Chronicles
Ezra
Nehemiah
Esther
Job
Psalms
Proverbs
Ecclesiastes
Song of Songs
Isaiah
Jeremiah
Lamentations
Ezekiel
Daniel
Hosea
Joel
Amos
Obadiah
Jonah
Micah
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Zechariah
Malachi
New Testament:
Matthew
Mark
Luke
John
Acts
Romans
1 Corinthians
2 Corinthians
Galatians
Ephesians
Philippians
Colossians
1 Thessalonians
2 Thessalonians
1 Timothy
2 Timothy
Titus
Philemon
Hebrews
James
1 Peter
2 Peter
1 John
2 John
3 John
Jude
Revelation
Tonight I memorized the books of the Bible. I wrote those lists without any help. That's right. One point for Natalie. I actually had the New Testament under my belt for the most part, but sometimes I forget about Titus and Philemon, the placement of James... you know, stuff like that. It took me maybe, I don't know, twenty minutes? to finally know them all.
At my home church in Iowa (St. Paul's United Methodist - represent!), the third graders learn the books of the Bible throughout the year in Sunday school. I would teach Sunday school and each Sunday that I had the third graders, the shepherd would take the last fifteen minutes or so and work with them on the books. She used candy as an incentive to make sure they had memorized the section they learned the previous week. At the end of the year (the school year, that is), the third graders are presented with Bibles during a church service.
I wasn't at St. Paul's until eighth grade and wasn't in church in Alabama during third grade, so I don't know if it's common for third graders to learn the books of the Bible and such; at The Mount a couple weeks ago two third graders were given Bibles, so I'm guessing it's common that third graders are at least given Bibles, regardless of whether they've been learning the books.
I was upset that I wasn't at all feeling up to going to the Ash Wednesday service at Mount Olympus tonight, I really enjoy traditional services and seasonal services mean a lot to me. I slept, instead. And when I woke up, I felt just fine. Of course. So I spent some time in prayer and finished Revelations (I will never, ever tire of reading that book). I then decided to do some Old Testament reading, because I really don't read enough of it. It was when I decided to read Obadiah and couldn't find it without either a) taking the time to cautiously (that's code for slowly in Natalie-speak) flip through and locate the book, or b) using the table of contents at the front of my Bible, that I decided to memorize the books. Now I will know more approximately where to turn next time I want to read a certain book. Wonderful.
'Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.'
[Psalm 119:105]
' "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, 'Who can bring me down to the ground?' Though you soar like the eagle and make your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down," declares the Lord. '
[Obadiah 1:3-4]
......
Ch. Twenty-One, Part Two:
The reason my title is "Obadiah says..." and why I felt like reading Obadiah is this: I was reminiscing on a retreat I went on with my youth group; it was the second retreat I had been on, as well as the second my youth pastor lead. We had been split up into groups named after certain books of the Bible. At the end of each day the teams would gather and study their namesake's book, and present some information from it to the other teams in either a serious or silly fashion. Well, Obadiah was a pretty crazy group, lemme tell ya. First of all, they didn't have much to work with - Obadiah is the shortest book in the Bible. It tells of the destruction of Edom, mostly due to Edom's refusal to help Israel when it was attacked, even though the people are related through the brothers Jacob and Esau; the last section of Obadiah tells of the restoration of Israel and the wiping out of Edomites. So anyway, the group split the book into a few sections and presented them to the other teams through skits, raps, etc. But they always started their presentation by saying, "Well, Obadiah says..."
Genesis
Exodus
Leviticus
Numbers
Deuteronomy
Joshua
Judges
Ruth
1 Samuel
2 Samuel
1 Kings
2 Kings
1 Chronicles
2 Chronicles
Ezra
Nehemiah
Esther
Job
Psalms
Proverbs
Ecclesiastes
Song of Songs
Isaiah
Jeremiah
Lamentations
Ezekiel
Daniel
Hosea
Joel
Amos
Obadiah
Jonah
Micah
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Zechariah
Malachi
New Testament:
Matthew
Mark
Luke
John
Acts
Romans
1 Corinthians
2 Corinthians
Galatians
Ephesians
Philippians
Colossians
1 Thessalonians
2 Thessalonians
1 Timothy
2 Timothy
Titus
Philemon
Hebrews
James
1 Peter
2 Peter
1 John
2 John
3 John
Jude
Revelation
Tonight I memorized the books of the Bible. I wrote those lists without any help. That's right. One point for Natalie. I actually had the New Testament under my belt for the most part, but sometimes I forget about Titus and Philemon, the placement of James... you know, stuff like that. It took me maybe, I don't know, twenty minutes? to finally know them all.
At my home church in Iowa (St. Paul's United Methodist - represent!), the third graders learn the books of the Bible throughout the year in Sunday school. I would teach Sunday school and each Sunday that I had the third graders, the shepherd would take the last fifteen minutes or so and work with them on the books. She used candy as an incentive to make sure they had memorized the section they learned the previous week. At the end of the year (the school year, that is), the third graders are presented with Bibles during a church service.
I wasn't at St. Paul's until eighth grade and wasn't in church in Alabama during third grade, so I don't know if it's common for third graders to learn the books of the Bible and such; at The Mount a couple weeks ago two third graders were given Bibles, so I'm guessing it's common that third graders are at least given Bibles, regardless of whether they've been learning the books.
I was upset that I wasn't at all feeling up to going to the Ash Wednesday service at Mount Olympus tonight, I really enjoy traditional services and seasonal services mean a lot to me. I slept, instead. And when I woke up, I felt just fine. Of course. So I spent some time in prayer and finished Revelations (I will never, ever tire of reading that book). I then decided to do some Old Testament reading, because I really don't read enough of it. It was when I decided to read Obadiah and couldn't find it without either a) taking the time to cautiously (that's code for slowly in Natalie-speak) flip through and locate the book, or b) using the table of contents at the front of my Bible, that I decided to memorize the books. Now I will know more approximately where to turn next time I want to read a certain book. Wonderful.
'Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.'
[Psalm 119:105]
' "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, 'Who can bring me down to the ground?' Though you soar like the eagle and make your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down," declares the Lord. '
[Obadiah 1:3-4]
......
Ch. Twenty-One, Part Two:
The reason my title is "Obadiah says..." and why I felt like reading Obadiah is this: I was reminiscing on a retreat I went on with my youth group; it was the second retreat I had been on, as well as the second my youth pastor lead. We had been split up into groups named after certain books of the Bible. At the end of each day the teams would gather and study their namesake's book, and present some information from it to the other teams in either a serious or silly fashion. Well, Obadiah was a pretty crazy group, lemme tell ya. First of all, they didn't have much to work with - Obadiah is the shortest book in the Bible. It tells of the destruction of Edom, mostly due to Edom's refusal to help Israel when it was attacked, even though the people are related through the brothers Jacob and Esau; the last section of Obadiah tells of the restoration of Israel and the wiping out of Edomites. So anyway, the group split the book into a few sections and presented them to the other teams through skits, raps, etc. But they always started their presentation by saying, "Well, Obadiah says..."
February 5, 2008
Ch. 20 - Something Beautiful
Tonight David reiterated what Shawn and I have been saying for the longest time. Our core group of friends is incredibly passionate about God. We are on fire for God. We want to learn. We want to teach. We want to love. We want to share. It's a very special group; I still can't believe how seemingly coincidental our meeting and coming together was.
Tiffany and Brittany didn't know Shawn - yet they're suitemates. Darcy and I didn't know each other - we're also suitemates. Katie is right around the corner from us. We're all on the same floor. Kastin met Shawn through Wanda, Shawn's old roommate [Wanda and Kastin are on the U's track team together]. All the guys (Spencer, Matt, Ross, Landon, Zach) knew each other from MOPC (their church). They met the twins and Shawn through Cru one night - funny how Matt and Ross are usually at Young/Wyldlife on Thursday nights, but not that night. Granted, they would have met the girls eventually through Spencer, Landon and Zach, but still. Darcy and I came into the picture the first week after fall break, when we went to Cru the first time - and again Matt and Ross happened to be there. We all started hanging out the very next week. I had actually become Facebook friends with Spencer last May. And then there's last summer and Matt... which I still don't understand, but I do believe happened for a reason and that God will reveal what it all meant eventually.
I said that it was seemingly coincidental, because I know it's no coincidence. God has brought us together for a reason. Gretchen said that something big is going to happen with us...
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'VE BEEN SAYING! Exactly.
Our God is so good.
David and Gretchen pointing those things out for us was beautiful. I got the feeling that Gretchen meant something big is going to happen not only for us, but through us. Only time will tell. When she and David said these things shivers went up and down my spine. I decided to go ahead and take tonight as yet another... sign, if you will... for my sticking around for a bit longer.
We are friends. We are family. I mean, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. But somehow it's deeper than even that. Sure, we have our ups, downs and times of distance, but at the end of the day we love each other very much and personally, they are always on my heart and in my prayers. I would give my life for any of them, they mean so much to me. I have been able to see, in these few months, how they've all grown in one way or another. I can see Christ in them and they are beautiful. I am excited to see them continue growing in God and what He does in their lives.
'My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.'
[Matthew 15:12-13]
Tiffany and Brittany didn't know Shawn - yet they're suitemates. Darcy and I didn't know each other - we're also suitemates. Katie is right around the corner from us. We're all on the same floor. Kastin met Shawn through Wanda, Shawn's old roommate [Wanda and Kastin are on the U's track team together]. All the guys (Spencer, Matt, Ross, Landon, Zach) knew each other from MOPC (their church). They met the twins and Shawn through Cru one night - funny how Matt and Ross are usually at Young/Wyldlife on Thursday nights, but not that night. Granted, they would have met the girls eventually through Spencer, Landon and Zach, but still. Darcy and I came into the picture the first week after fall break, when we went to Cru the first time - and again Matt and Ross happened to be there. We all started hanging out the very next week. I had actually become Facebook friends with Spencer last May. And then there's last summer and Matt... which I still don't understand, but I do believe happened for a reason and that God will reveal what it all meant eventually.
I said that it was seemingly coincidental, because I know it's no coincidence. God has brought us together for a reason. Gretchen said that something big is going to happen with us...
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'VE BEEN SAYING! Exactly.
Our God is so good.
David and Gretchen pointing those things out for us was beautiful. I got the feeling that Gretchen meant something big is going to happen not only for us, but through us. Only time will tell. When she and David said these things shivers went up and down my spine. I decided to go ahead and take tonight as yet another... sign, if you will... for my sticking around for a bit longer.
We are friends. We are family. I mean, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. But somehow it's deeper than even that. Sure, we have our ups, downs and times of distance, but at the end of the day we love each other very much and personally, they are always on my heart and in my prayers. I would give my life for any of them, they mean so much to me. I have been able to see, in these few months, how they've all grown in one way or another. I can see Christ in them and they are beautiful. I am excited to see them continue growing in God and what He does in their lives.
'My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.'
[Matthew 15:12-13]
February 4, 2008
Ch. 19 - All I Wanna Do
I had the most lovely day. It was truly wonderful. I learned so much, I feel. I really don't have much to say, though. I simply would like to reaffirm the commitment I made to God to serve His people for His glory. By serving His people, I serve Him. I want to help people. I want to be like the disciple Tabitha [Acts 9:36]. I don't know how, exactly... I just have this burning desire in my heart to do something, anything - for anyone. I want to reach out to non-believers and share God's love with them. That's all. I pray that this summer God will teach me how I can do so and, if it is His will, use me to awaken the Spirit in people whose names are written in the Book of Life - be it one, two, or twenty people. The Word of God is so alive to me and I just want to share it as much as possible. God relit the fire within me tonight and I am so thankful for that. Praise God!
'Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.'
[2 Timothy 4:2]
'Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.'
[2 Timothy 4:2]
February 3, 2008
Ch. 18 - Give and Take
This upcoming Wednesday is the start of the Lenten season; it's Ash Wednesday. As we prepare for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ on Easter Sunday, Lent is observed for 40 days and nights, which represent the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, where He was tempted by Satan.
Many Western denominations traditionally encourage the giving up of something you enjoy - be it certain food or drink, the usage of electronic devices, etc.; you may also attempt to give up habits or behaviors, such as nail biting or emotional eating. It used to be that Lent was a time of fasting and abstinence, similar to the Muslim observance of Ramadan, but that is less common in this day and age, especially within Western Christianity.
However, Lent is not merely about giving up something for a few weeks, but also about taking on behaviors, practices and what have you. You might take on volunteer work, serving at food pantries or homeless shelters. You might take on a short-term 'job' at your church, giving your time and effort as a Sunday school teacher or small group leader - although who knows? Those few weeks of helping out may stretch out into something more permanent. You could also take on giving more time to God; pray more, read your Bible more, worship Him through song, dance, writing - do more of whatever you feel brings you close to Him.
Lent is a season of inner reflection, a time that allows us to grow closer to God through conscious effort. It has been suggested before that we take on something that may seem somewhat odd... and that we ask God to give it to us - even though it is something that I'm sure many people have asked God to take away from them...
Loneliness.
Strange, right? I mean, why would we want to be lonely? How could being lonely bring us closer to God?
In the first chapter of Mark, Jesus goes to pray in a solitary place. His disciples go to look for Him. Even Jesus sought to be alone, to be in solitude. The thing is, when you're alone with God, you're in special communion with Him. There are no distractions... nothing to hurt you... it's you and God. God and you. Nothing can separate this wondrous relationship. '... our citizenship is in heaven.' [Philippians 3:20] Jesus experienced - as should we - the loneliness of living in this world that is not our home. By asking God to give us loneliness, we are forced to rely on Him in all things. We will grow close to Him as we use that time when we are lonely to talk to Him, offering our prayers and praises to Him. Being lonely is a sacrifice of ourselves that we can easily make.
'Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" '
[Mark 1:35-37]
Many Western denominations traditionally encourage the giving up of something you enjoy - be it certain food or drink, the usage of electronic devices, etc.; you may also attempt to give up habits or behaviors, such as nail biting or emotional eating. It used to be that Lent was a time of fasting and abstinence, similar to the Muslim observance of Ramadan, but that is less common in this day and age, especially within Western Christianity.
However, Lent is not merely about giving up something for a few weeks, but also about taking on behaviors, practices and what have you. You might take on volunteer work, serving at food pantries or homeless shelters. You might take on a short-term 'job' at your church, giving your time and effort as a Sunday school teacher or small group leader - although who knows? Those few weeks of helping out may stretch out into something more permanent. You could also take on giving more time to God; pray more, read your Bible more, worship Him through song, dance, writing - do more of whatever you feel brings you close to Him.
Lent is a season of inner reflection, a time that allows us to grow closer to God through conscious effort. It has been suggested before that we take on something that may seem somewhat odd... and that we ask God to give it to us - even though it is something that I'm sure many people have asked God to take away from them...
Loneliness.
Strange, right? I mean, why would we want to be lonely? How could being lonely bring us closer to God?
In the first chapter of Mark, Jesus goes to pray in a solitary place. His disciples go to look for Him. Even Jesus sought to be alone, to be in solitude. The thing is, when you're alone with God, you're in special communion with Him. There are no distractions... nothing to hurt you... it's you and God. God and you. Nothing can separate this wondrous relationship. '... our citizenship is in heaven.' [Philippians 3:20] Jesus experienced - as should we - the loneliness of living in this world that is not our home. By asking God to give us loneliness, we are forced to rely on Him in all things. We will grow close to Him as we use that time when we are lonely to talk to Him, offering our prayers and praises to Him. Being lonely is a sacrifice of ourselves that we can easily make.
'Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" '
[Mark 1:35-37]
February 2, 2008
Ch. 17 - The Truth
I am humble.
I am not prideful.
I am meek.
I am not arrogant.
I am a liar.
If I honestly believed the first four statements to be true of myself, then I would, indeed, be lying to myself.
That's not good.
Today I asked Darcy if I was being selfish in deciding to do something. She didn't think it was. She went on to say that she believes she is selfish. I was surprised to hear her say that. I said I couldn't think of a single incident where she's been selfish. I asked her to give me one reason as to why she believes she's selfish. She said, "I can't think of any right now... but I will!" I just laughed at her (more like with her) and called her weird. Standard procedure. But I went away realizing all the more that Darcy Posselli, the Italian-Greek, is a very selfless young woman.
Situation.
You're sitting in church on a warm, summer morning. You listen to the organist playing the introduction hymn for the first few bars, but then lean to the side, nudging your mom to point out the numerous typos in the service bulletin and whisper in her ear your opinion of Katie Bott's little sister's 'hooker shoes.' The hymn ends and you rise with the congregation to partake in the opening prayer and hymn. Oh, there's a baptism this morning - look how cute the baby is, oh my gosh! Soon thereafter Scripture is read and the pastor starts his sermon. You take an offertory envelope and pew pencil to doodle and write barely legible, random sentences here and there. You look up every so often to give the illusion that you are actually paying attention. You even nod your head a bit, even though you have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Smile and nod, smile and nod. That's your gig and boy are you talented. Remember that baby that was baptized? How he was so cute? Yeah, well, that was before he started to bawl his head off. How annoying. Doesn't the mother know that she should take him out of the sanctuary? Oh well, what are you going to do? You go back to doodling, grow bored, and start looking through the hymnal for Christmas songs to sing in your head. Suddenly you hear the pastor ask in a booming voice, "So - I want you to think about salvation today. Really think about it first, though. Then decide if you get to ask yourself that question. That beautiful question. Pray with me." You think, 'Wait... huh? What question? What the heck is he talking about?' If only you had been paying attention, right?
Curious as to what the question is? Here it is:
Am I saved?
It truly is a beautiful question. Why? Because if you find yourself asking that question, you are.
If you ever worry about something as free as salvation, know that you shouldn't.
I was so worried last semester that I had committed the unforgivable sin. I asked someone I trust and respect immensely about it and she told me that because I asked not only myself, but God about it, I should automatically know that I hadn't. Simple as that.
Sound too good to be true?
Certainly. But so does everlasting life.
That's why I wrote those four statements. I'm not asking myself, "Am I humble?" because I know I'm not. I know it's something I have to work on. I know I'm prideful. I know I'm not meek. I know I'm arrogant. But because I realize these things, I am able to ask God for help and rest assured that with His help I will overcome these weaknesses.
'How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, "I will ascent to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." But you are brought down to the Sheol, to the depths of the pit.'
[Isaiah 14:12-15]
I am not prideful.
I am meek.
I am not arrogant.
I am a liar.
If I honestly believed the first four statements to be true of myself, then I would, indeed, be lying to myself.
That's not good.
Today I asked Darcy if I was being selfish in deciding to do something. She didn't think it was. She went on to say that she believes she is selfish. I was surprised to hear her say that. I said I couldn't think of a single incident where she's been selfish. I asked her to give me one reason as to why she believes she's selfish. She said, "I can't think of any right now... but I will!" I just laughed at her (more like with her) and called her weird. Standard procedure. But I went away realizing all the more that Darcy Posselli, the Italian-Greek, is a very selfless young woman.
Situation.
You're sitting in church on a warm, summer morning. You listen to the organist playing the introduction hymn for the first few bars, but then lean to the side, nudging your mom to point out the numerous typos in the service bulletin and whisper in her ear your opinion of Katie Bott's little sister's 'hooker shoes.' The hymn ends and you rise with the congregation to partake in the opening prayer and hymn. Oh, there's a baptism this morning - look how cute the baby is, oh my gosh! Soon thereafter Scripture is read and the pastor starts his sermon. You take an offertory envelope and pew pencil to doodle and write barely legible, random sentences here and there. You look up every so often to give the illusion that you are actually paying attention. You even nod your head a bit, even though you have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Smile and nod, smile and nod. That's your gig and boy are you talented. Remember that baby that was baptized? How he was so cute? Yeah, well, that was before he started to bawl his head off. How annoying. Doesn't the mother know that she should take him out of the sanctuary? Oh well, what are you going to do? You go back to doodling, grow bored, and start looking through the hymnal for Christmas songs to sing in your head. Suddenly you hear the pastor ask in a booming voice, "So - I want you to think about salvation today. Really think about it first, though. Then decide if you get to ask yourself that question. That beautiful question. Pray with me." You think, 'Wait... huh? What question? What the heck is he talking about?' If only you had been paying attention, right?
Curious as to what the question is? Here it is:
Am I saved?
It truly is a beautiful question. Why? Because if you find yourself asking that question, you are.
If you ever worry about something as free as salvation, know that you shouldn't.
I was so worried last semester that I had committed the unforgivable sin. I asked someone I trust and respect immensely about it and she told me that because I asked not only myself, but God about it, I should automatically know that I hadn't. Simple as that.
Sound too good to be true?
Certainly. But so does everlasting life.
That's why I wrote those four statements. I'm not asking myself, "Am I humble?" because I know I'm not. I know it's something I have to work on. I know I'm prideful. I know I'm not meek. I know I'm arrogant. But because I realize these things, I am able to ask God for help and rest assured that with His help I will overcome these weaknesses.
'How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, "I will ascent to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." But you are brought down to the Sheol, to the depths of the pit.'
[Isaiah 14:12-15]
February 1, 2008
Ch. 16 - Taking Action
After writing 'Home' last night, I realized that even though I won't be relocating and starting a new adventure, I can still make a difference here. I can continue to grow, develop, change. I want to do something big. But I can do that anywhere, really.
What I'd like to do is continue with my studies at the University of Utah, getting my degree in the Middle Eastern Studies, then pursue my master's in Biblical Studies. I think that's the best decision for now. I'm not planning, necessarily... but that's what I truly feel God is guiding me to do. That's the best part - I know this isn't me.
I finally feel peace. Beautiful.
I want to live my life for Him, giving praises and worshiping Him every moment of every day. I want to continue to grow closer to Him. I want to share my joys, sorrows, anxieties, prayers, hopes, concerns, and happiness with Him. I don't want to hold anything back. He can handle it... He is God, after all.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.'
[Romans 12:1]
What I'd like to do is continue with my studies at the University of Utah, getting my degree in the Middle Eastern Studies, then pursue my master's in Biblical Studies. I think that's the best decision for now. I'm not planning, necessarily... but that's what I truly feel God is guiding me to do. That's the best part - I know this isn't me.
I finally feel peace. Beautiful.
I want to live my life for Him, giving praises and worshiping Him every moment of every day. I want to continue to grow closer to Him. I want to share my joys, sorrows, anxieties, prayers, hopes, concerns, and happiness with Him. I don't want to hold anything back. He can handle it... He is God, after all.
'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.'
[Romans 12:1]
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